Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Easy {and delicious} Slow Cooker Spaghetti Sauce

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Want to make your family think you’re gonna have your own show on the Cooking Channel? Make your own spaghetti sauce, baby!

{yeah. that will do it.}

Here’s THE BASIC recipe:
serves 10

Ingredients:

4 cans tomato sauce (I like Kirkland’s organic)
3 cans diced tomatoes (drain the liquid before adding)
2 lbs ground beef
Salt and pepper to taste for ground beef
2 yellow onions, diced
3 cloves garlic, diced
olive oil
3 tsp dried basil
2 Tbsp Italian seasoning
4 bay leaves

Instructions:

Dice your onions and garlic. Put about 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a pan and sauté until a little brown. YUM.
Add ground beef—and season if you like. I add salt and fresh ground pepper at this point. Then I try not to put the cooked ground beef into a bowl and eat it for lunch. {requires self-control}
Breathe deep—you are already on your way to being a spaghetti sauce superstar.
While the ground beef is cooking, put the rest of the ingredients into your slow cooker. Be sure to drain the diced tomatoes. You don’t need that extra water in your sauce.
When the onion, garlic and beef deliciousness is cooked fully, dump it into a strainer and get rid of any excess grease or liquid.
Add to sauce. It may look very thin at first but after it’s cooked a while… it will thicken up nicely.
Cook on low for 6 hours or high for 3. The point is that you want it to bubble and blend all the flavors together.
Serve with your favorite pasta. I’ve become a fan on quinoa pasta… healthier version and the kids love it.
Serve with french bread and steamed green beans. VOILA! {Super-yum.}

BUSY MOM TIP: Keep your pantry stocked with things like tomato sauce and diced tomatoes using Amazon’s Subscribe and Save. I do this for several of my pantry faves—saves time and money!

If you want a little more PIZAZZ:

1 lb ground Italian sausage
1 can black or green olives …. or both!
1 tsp red peppers
2 tsp oregano

Cook the Italian sausage with your ground beef.

Add whatever else you like to the sauce. Change it up!

This is a crowd pleaser. It will feed 10 but here’s the thing: YOU CAN FREEZE LEFTOVERS beautifully! So make a ton and have the rest on hand for later.

Enjoy!

How to Spoil Your Child in Five Easy Steps

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Twenty five years ago, I had a lot of theories about parenting. You know—because I was a kid once. Boom. Qualified.

Yeah.

Don’t judge.

These days, I have a lot more grace for new parents. Having raised two of our seven to adulthood, I have to say, I died on a lot of hills that really didn’t need to see a battle at all. I dug my heels in over stupid things like whether or not my children could watch Pokemon. True story. Moral? There really are things that we can fixate on that won’t matter much in the end.

Flipside? There are also things that definitely WILL matter. Mark my words. We’re living in a culture of over-indulgence. As parents, we’ve been duped into believing that our kids “need” a whole bunch of stuff that they don’t need at all. So if you want to spoil your kids, start here:

Make sure they have an iPad or a smart tablet. At the very least, give your kid a cell phone. After all, these things are important. Think of the apps they’ll miss out on and games they could be playing. Eight year olds need tablets and laptops. Kids are noisy. This is a great way to keep them out of our hair. Besides, it’s dangerous outside. And boring too. The kids told me so just last week.

Since when did “wants” become “needs?” Since we let it, that’s when. I’m not sure when we decided that childhood required all the trappings of adult life—but if our kids are watching our example, we might be in all kinds of trouble in this area. I get the importance of being able to contact a child at school, etc., but they don’t need a “smart” phone—a simple dumb phone will do. Data plans are expensive. If you kids can’t pay for a data plan, don’t give them one. And that brings me to my next point…
Pay allowance to your kids for simply being alive. Kids need money in order to learn how to spend it wisely. Besides, they only get one shot at being a kid. Make it as carefree as possible.

Children need to learn to work. Giving a child responsibilities and chores says two things right off the bat: “You’re a valuable part of this family” and “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” Parents don’t need to give their kids money for the sake of doing it. When was the last time you got money just for being alive? We don’t help our kids by giving them allowance for doing nothing. We enable them and teach them to live dependent on others rather than teaching them that there is reward found in working for what they have. Look around you. Watch the news. This mentality is not working for our nation, and it won’t work for our kids.
Buy their clothes new. Thrift store clothes are for “other kids.” Who cares if they’ll grow out of that new pair of pants in three months? It’s your job to make sure your kids have the best of everything, and clothes are an important part of a child’s developing identity…right?

I grew up in a houseful of seven kids. Hand-me-downs were a way of life for us—and it’s become a way of life for my children, too. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not against buying new things once-in-a-while. But most families simply can’t afford to fit every growth spurt with a new pair of Levi’s. Taking your kids thrift-store and consignment store shopping not only teaches them to be wise stewards later in life, it offers a healthy lesson in humility. (Besides, you’ll save a lot of money, too.)
Forgo opportunities to help others on a consistent basis. Our kids don’t need to be “exposed” to homeless shelters and soup lines. The church pays for a janitor, so I don’t need to volunteer our time to tidy up the place… and if that single mom can’t afford to pay her babysitter, well, it’s her problem, right?

Wrong. It’s our job as parents to lift our kid’s eyes up so they can see beyond their own circumstances. Helping others develops empathy in our children—something that video games can never do. When we take our children on mission trips, encourage them to volunteer in the nursery and help them pick out toys for less fortunate kids during the holidays, we’re telling them that they’re part of a bigger picture.
Don’t require respect from your children. It’s okay if they don’t answer when you speak to them. Asking kids to make eye contact and speak respectfully to adults sends a message that adults know more than kids. Don’t worry if they’re rude to their teacher or other adults. Using “Mr.” and “Mrs.” is old-fashioned, and so is asking the adult what they would like to be called. Forgetaboutit. (said in my best NY accent.)

This might be the one of the biggest issues we face as parents in this culture. Children who are not taught to respect authority or treat adults with respect miss two important milestones on their journey toward adulthood: They miss the benefit of recognizing that they are in a season of learning to be worthy of respect themselves, and they miss the opportunity to practice humility. Sure there are many adults who are not worthy of respect, but that’s not the point. If we allow our children to be disrespectful to us as parents, they will not have respect for anyone. That’s a fact.

Hey. I’m not trying to sound like a mean mom—I love my kids to the moon and back. But I worry for our future as a nation when I see children who are overindulged and self-important. It’s becoming more and more rare to see a child disciplined for speaking disrespectfully to an adult or show up to an event sans smartphone. If we want a culture of self-absorbed, selfish and myopic adults, we’re well on our way unless we start to see those “old fashioned” values as timeless instead.

Be the parent. Your kids will thank you for it.

When Pressure Mounts

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Lately, I’ve felt the pressure mounting. Things that would normally roll off my back seem to just—you know—sit there.

Bills to pay. Kids to school. Doctor appointments. Cars to fix. Phone calls. Emails. Family pressure—be present more. Be more. Do more. Say more.

Mothers carry so much. Mothers are the gatekeepers of the next generation—and the next generation is up against a lot. How we respond to the pressures of this world is shaping an entire generation. It impacts our marriages. Our response to fear and pressure speaks for our faith.

I wonder: What does my life say about where I have placed my trust?

A few days ago, as I was struggling with a painful circumstance in my life, I realized something. I have a hard time trusting God. I’m not talking about faith here. My faith is as real to me now as it was when I first realized the truth of the Gospel. In that moment, I wept for the price that Christ paid for me. My heart was broken and my resolve was clear; I wanted to serve the Lord. I trusted Him. At least, I thought I did. But what does a six year old know of the trials this life can bring?

A child has no frame of reference to even consider the struggles that are coming. As a 44 year old mother of seven, I’m discovering that I still have a lot to learn about what trust looks like. As the pressure builds, I see clearly that I struggle to trust God’s heart toward me. I want to lean in, but I find I lean away—into my own strength and my own “solutions.”

Not a very good example, am I?

I turned to the Psalms, but God’s offer of “peace” alluded me. I searched for it, but struggled to see it as images of Americans losing their lives at the hands of ISIS flooded the news.

“Though war rise against me, I shall be confident…”
Psalm 27:3

Heard of any wars lately?

I praise God for His Word! In His Word, I discover again that my hope is never going to be found in my government, or my husband or myself. David makes this clear. The source of the psalmist David’s confidence and stability was not in his own strength—but in God. The example that David set for us resounded in my heart. This man, whom God called “the apple of his eye” struggled with fear. One minute he was praising God, and the next, he was crying out for rescue—and the undertones were often full of fear and worry!

“Do not hide … do not run … do not abandon or forsake me …”
Ps 27:9

I asked myself what David asked. “Has He ever failed me?” No. Even in my darkest moments, He has been there. My life is not unlike David’s life. He experienced the trials and triumphs of this life. He was falsely accused. He was in mortal danger. He lacked wisdom. He made wrong choices.

But here’s the thing the Psalms teach us loud and clear: we can’t do this life on our own. When we give God our fear, He gives faith in return. Notice the interaction Jesus with the father of a boy Jesus was preparing to from the affliction of an evil spirit:

“Jesus said to him, “‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”
Mark 9:23-24

I love the raw honesty of this father before the Master. He laid down his pride and just blurted it out … “I want to trust You, but I’m struggling!” Jesus didn’t point a finger or rebuke the man—instead, He healed the boy. It was always in His heart to do so.

If you struggle with unbelief, if you wonder if it’s safe leave your pain and fear in His hands, it’s okay. God understands. He knows we are dust. Today, you can lift your empty hands to Him with me—and choose to let your struggle draw you closer to the One who made you.

In the end, we have two choices to make as we navigate the uncertain waters of this world: we can trust Him or we can trust ourselves. If we trust Him, the Bible says our trust is well-placed. When the walls are falling down on us, we can confidently repeat the words of David:

“Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear;
Though war rise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.
…I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
Psalm 27

Pressing into God’s heart,

#iamyourvoice

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Proverbs 31:8~ Let your mouth be open for those who have no voice, in the cause of those who are ready for death.

Several weeks ago, I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter. She snuggled in close. Her hair smelled like shampoo and her skin was soft against my chest. I find I cherish this youngest of my seven… maybe more because I know she’s our last. After I said prayers and tucked her in, I went downstairs and listened to the news with Jay. I wished we had not turned it on. Horrible images flashed across the screen. It’s become almost routine, this genocide that’s happening in Iraq and Syria. And then, it hit me.

There’s a man and woman somewhere “over there” who don’t have a daughter to tuck in at night anymore. Why? She was beheaded by a terrorist group that is mercilessly killing people and/or driving them from their homes. A feeling of helplessness washed over me. What can I do?

I don’t want my heart to grow numb to the suffering of others, but it seems there is so.much.suffering. Especially lately.

Shortly after that, I received an invitation to help my friends at Planet Mommyhood as they worked to launch a campaign that would assist Food for the Hungry. Food for the Hungry is there right now, assisting Christian refugees living under unspeakable circumstances. They need our help. The idea was to get other bloggers, musicians and organizations to help bring awareness to the plight of innocent families in Iraq and Syria.

The refugees have lost their voice—but we can be a voice for them.

I Am Your Voice Campaign Video

We’re not helpless. There are many ways we can be the voice of those who have no voice. Here are a few of the best ones:

1. Pray~ for the persecuted.

2. Give~ programs like Food for the Hungry cannot help those in need without the funds to do so.

3. Visit~ IAmYourVoice.org to find out more information on how you can help.

4. Share~ use the hashtag #IAmYourVoice to raise awareness. Share the pictures from the website that are there for the purpose of sharing.

Your giving can make a difference:

$125 – Provides one week of emergency food rations to 10 people to guard against malnutrition

$65 – Ensures that three families receive essential hygiene items, including a bucket, jerry can, soap, and disinfectant

$22 – for one family for hygiene items

The refugees are living in appalling conditions. We can help.

Thank you for standing with us as we work to be a voice for the voiceless. Give here.

I’m Sure She Meant Well

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I often hear from moms who need some reassurance that their lives are going to go back to “normal” after having a baby.

Honestly? I’m not sure our lives ever return to “normal” after we have babies. It’s been nearly 23 years since my first introduction to sleep deprived living. “Normal” is still nowhere in sight. I forget things. I’m often tired.

I have to write things down on my TO DO list like “drink water.” Seriously.

If you’ve been reading my blog for very long, you know I’ve had a tough season. Last October, I said “thanks and goodbye” to my uterus. The following spring, another surgery followed. Some things just happen. You veer off course. Sometimes, you just have to roll with it, right? When you’re physically, emotionally or spiritually depleted, the word “margin” takes on new meaning. I find I’m grouchy and distracted when I don’t have enough margin in my life.

Take last week, for example.

It was supposed to be a quick trip to the store when my nearly four year old announced she had to go to the bathroom. I don’t know what it is about public restrooms that seem to draw my children in—but I believe store and restaurant bathrooms are at the top of their “must see” lists. It can never be a quick trip, either. Hey. I don’t want to be the mom who other moms overhear in a bathroom stall saying, “You better not be wanting to go poop right now!” (… yeah. That wasn’t me.)

We left the bathroom a little less put-together than when we went in, only to discover that the other two kids had decided it would be a good time to beg me for a “movie night,” thereby setting into motion the age-old “mommy guilt” complex that many of us take on too easily. It might go hand-in-hand with the weary “you must be kidding me right now” look.

“Movies are for Friday nights,” I said wearily. “It’s Tuesday.”

“But Mooooooommmmmm! You promised!” Really? Maybe I did—in a moment of weakness. I couldn’t remember though. I can never be sure, since they always get me on stuff like that. I was standing my ground, though, talking about our fall bedtime routine and schoolwork that needed to be finished when I noticed a woman was watching me from an aisle over.

Great. Now I’m a bad mom and I have an audience.

She smiled and I’m sure she meant well, but I was about to go all sorts of crazy when she said, “Savor this time” before ducking into the organic food aisle. Really, lady?

I almost cried as I put a bag of celery in my cart. I just needed a nap. Maybe a nap would fix it.

I’m sure she meant well—but honestly? She looked like she was caught up on her sleep. I didn’t notice green smoothie stains on her shirt. She seem to have showered recently.

I’ve been a mom for about 24 years now. With two grown daughters, I have experienced how fast the time goes. But that’s not always the point. Moms need a little grace. I think most moms are desperately trying to hang on to this season but there is a very real element of simply “surviving” it, too.

Yes. I want to savor every little moment. Like you, I imagine, I don’t want to be the mom who “just survived.”

So busy mom, when people like me or some random lady in the grocery store tell you to savor each moment you have with your kids, take it in stride. Yes, do savor it! But be ready for those not-so-savory moments. They don’t mean you’re a bad mother.

Mothering has its ups and downs. The trick, I think, is to keep your eyes on what you’re doing: you’re raising the next generation. Bottom line? You’re pouring out your life in this season so that your grandchildren will have good parents in the next.

While we do this work, let’s remember that some day, we’ll be in a different season. Hopefully, we’ll give grace to the tired mom we see with green smoothie stains on her shirt and instead of offering her advice, we’ll say a little prayer for her. Goodness knows she’ll probably appreciate the quiet prayer more than the advice.
Carry on, brave mother!

Exposing the Truth about A Homeschooling “Wonder Woman”

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It’s that time of year again. School is in session. I hear the air brakes of the school bus every morning around 7:15 a.m. and I get stuck behind the busses again if I leave home between 2:45 and 4:30 to travel into town on our rural back roads. Yep. School is back in session. Please, send coffee. Stat.

Now, I know that some of you think of me (erroneously) as some sort of Homeschool Wonder Woman … and, well— here’s the truth: I AM “Wonder Woman.” Don’t believe me? Allow me to explain:

I wonder sometimes about what life would be like if I put my kids back in school.
I wonder if I would have more “free” time (whatever that means) if my kids were in school.
I wonder if our lives might be easier if we just put the kids in school.
I wonder when I won’t have to teach long division anymore. (At this rate, I’ll be 67.)
I wonder why the kids don’t get up on their own. Instead, I have to get them up. Over, and over and over.

I wonder if there’s an easier way.

Here’s the thing: there’s isn’t an “easier” way. This life is hard—and nothing that’s worth doing in this life is gonna be easy. Including homeschooling. And that’s okay.

Let me put it another way: How could we experience His strength if we did keenly feel our own weakness?

It may surprise you to learn that I don’t wake up every day full of confidence and energy.

Instead, I wake up every day and reach for my Bible. I reach for the Living Water and drink deeply—because I know that the day will be full of opportunities for me to be selfish, afraid, impatient and unkind. I don’t want my children to always see me in acting in my flesh. Instead, I want them, and their descendants to see God’s Spirit poured out. I believe He desires us to see His Spirit poured out even through the humble act of homeschooling.

“For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.” Isaiah 44:3

Through God’s eyes, I can see beyond just surviving to days that are brimming with opportunities to be thankful. Each new day offers me the chance to watch my nine year old study a rock or see my thirteen year old interacting with his three year old sister. I can hear my Shepherd remind me that if I will let Him, God will renew my strength. Through His eyes, I’ll see more than my failures—I’ll see His strength giving me just enough to face that mountain in front of me.

He’ll do the same for you, precious mom. If you trust Him, then trust His word. Let His words fall fresh on your heart as you enter a new season:

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I’m no Wonder Woman. But, if you see any “wonder” in me, I hope you will see that the real wonder is Christ… gently correcting this sometimes weary mama and leading as I follow after him like the lamb that I am. We are all His sheep, in need a Shepherd, and in need of His leading. If God has called you to homeschool, He has already given you everything that you need. You can find inspiration in others, but your strength needs to be found in Him.

If you’ll look to Him to fill and guide you, I promise: the next “wonder” that He’ll do—will be in you.

Now, go find your cape. Mine looks a lot like an apron.

Gird Up! Christian Blogging Moms Under Pressure

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I’m praying for the Christian blogging community today. I think we’re in trouble.

Not long ago, I got a text message from a blogging friend. I love this woman of God. She’s awesome. Raising her kids. Making dinner, doing laundry, romancing her husband when she can—and trying to manage a huge blog and social media presence in the midst of it all. Like me, she started blogging some years ago because she wanted to encourage moms by sharing her journey. She liked to write. She had never heard of SEO or “monetizing” when she opened her little blog. She was just looking for a place to relax and share her thoughts before she forgot them.

Maybe you can relate. By the way, motherhood makes you forget things. I’ve still got five kids at home, ranging in age from almost 4 to 17. I can hide my own Easter eggs at this point in my mothering journey. It’s not for sissies, this task of raising the future generation. It’s exhausting—even without all the social media, blogging pressure.

I’ve observed something troubling in the past few years of getting to know the Christian blogging community a little better. I believe we’re going through something we don’t like to talk about. We’re treading on thin spiritual ice. I can hear it breaking from different spaces in the ocean of bloggers currently writing about such spiritually charged things as marriage, abortion, motherhood, homosexuality and education.

We’re in a battle—but I am seeing us woefully unprepared to fight.

When I started getting “out there” more in the blogosphere and social media, I didn’t mean to draw fire from the enemy of my soul. I never meant to be on the front lines of an unseen but very real battle—and yet—like you, I find myself here.

On the front lines.

Did we think for a moment that writing about light in the darkness was not going to catch the eye of our enemy? I can almost hear him in a mocking, evil voice: “Oh yeah? You want to play? Let’s go.” Bam. It’s on.

More often than not, the darts from the enemy are not like the scud missiles that take out families and end marriages—at least not at first. At first, we just step excitedly onto the social media treadmill—and then one day, we realize the truth: we’re addicted to the treadmill. We learn that if we stop posting, if we lived our life “for real” and quit Instagramming every precious moment, our stats will drop. Another voice will take the place we held for a brief moment.

It’s not what you want to hear, I know. But SEO doesn’t care if your family gets dinner or not. Pinterest isn’t gonna read a book to your kids. Your blog subscribers will quit reading if you quit writing… so I need to ask: WHY ARE WE WRITING?

My thoughts go back to my friend. While things looked great online, in real life, she was struggling to manage it all. The pressure was unbearable. Her life was unraveling. Her marriage was in trouble. Big trouble.

I guess I wouldn’t be so worried except that this was at least the fourth such call or private message I’ve received about this in the past year. I am beginning to see that the devil really IS “in the details.” All these little distractions are adding up to big distractions. We’re in trouble.

I fear we have not taken seriously Paul’s admonition that we are in a spiritual battle.

Ephesians 6:12 – For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

The term wrestling is a very personal word. It implies that this is not a team sport. It’s a very personal battle between us and the enemy of our souls—an enemy, that the Bible says has one purpose: to kill, steal and destroy. Do you know any bloggers or pastors or leaders who that has happened to lately? My hunch is that we can all name a few in no time flat. Christian leaders and bloggers are dropping like flies. Gird up! This.Is.War!

Please understand: I’m not suggesting that you quit blogging. I’m not saying social media is evil. I just want to remind you that this.is.war. If you’re writing for numbers, quit. If your marriage is in trouble, step away. If your blog or social media is getting more of your “face time” than your family is—consider this a warning from a friend.

If you’re still with me, then let’s strategize a little. If this is war, and you want to be in it, gird up.

Be in the Word of God. We can’t be strong in the Lord if we don’t know His Word.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
Be honest. Check your motivation. Is your purpose God’s purpose? If you’re doing His work by His power, your marriage and family will thrive. God will not guide you where you cannot stand in His strength.

“For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.” I Thessalonians 2:4
Trust God. Sounds simple, I know—but at the end of the day, we either trust Him or we don’t, and we show that trust by living out obedience to Him. Worried about your SEO? Trust God. If you’re writing while your family is suffering, you’re not trusting God. Your blog will still be there after you love on your kids and husband. And if it’s not? Maybe God is saying “not now.”

That’s the part that’s the hardest thing to say. Maybe God is saying, “Not now.” If He is saying now, gird up. Put on the full armor of God and write like the warrior that God says you are.

Too many battles are being “won” in the blogosphere while the war at home is being lost. Don’t win the battle and lose the war, precious friend.

It’s not worth it.

Gird up,