Category Archives: MomStrong Parenting

The Busy Mom’s Favorite Christmas Books

It’s here! The most wonderful time of the year … to read!  Reading together is a favorite activity in our family, and over the years, reading aloud has become a cherished part of our family’s Christmas tradition.  I’ve spent years scoping out books at yard sales and thrift stores looking for hidden treasures to read to the kids. I won’t lie to you—I’ve also purchased some books that were total losers, and they ended right back where I found them.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I had a great response to the list of favorite Thanksgiving books, so I’ve compiled a few of our favorite Christmas books too—in case you needed some inspiration as you start or continue to build your own family library.

Remember, these books can be found at the library, thrift stores, eBay and a host of other places. If you’re like me, and you want to build a family library, make some room in your budget to purchase at least one or two every year. Those books will create their own special memories for you and your kids in the years to come.

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Dear Tired Mom Who Wonders If All This Christmas Fuss is Worth It

We took the kids to look at Christmas lights tonight. Me, my sister, our husbands and our children. It was gonna be GREAT. I imagined a quiet stroll down Peacock Lane and pictures in front of the Grinch house. Yeah. It didn’t exactly go down like that.

I don’t know why, either. I used to go to Peacock lane with my grandparents when I was a kid. I remember it as nothing less than perfect.

I won’t lie to you. There was some sibling bickering in the car on the way there. A certain four-year old was bothering her brothers by singing Christmas carols … off key. Someone ate someone else’s candy cane. On and on it went. Someone was cold. Someone was hungry. Someone had to go potty.

The street we love to visit was crowded… BUT.  “We are MAKING MEMORIES!!” I told them—and so out we all piled. A few times along the way, we had to stop and take a head count. It wasn’t relaxing. Two of the kids told me they would rather be home. (Yeah. And I would rather be “here” with you, listening to you bicker when I could be home taking a well-deserved hot shower?)  But I digress.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you the WAY IT IS. This parenting thing you’re doing—it’s not going to be easy. I’ve been at it now for going on 24 years. In my 24 years of parenting, I can testify to the fact that there are precious few “picture perfect” moments of family life. As moms, we live and breathe for those moments. Someone please. Just tell us that it’s not for nothing. We just want to know that it’s working, this investment of time, love and energy we’re making.

We wonder why we’re trying so hard. Is all this fuss really worth it? Why are we making sugar cookies and watching “Miracle on 34th Street” for the fifteenth time? The kids don’t seem to appreciate it. Even my husband is doubting whether or not anyone cares.

Is it that important?

I’m here to tell you that it is.

One day, your children will appreciate the fact that you made them stand in front of that wooden Grinch cutout for a family picture. Not too long from now, they’ll understand the sacrifice you made so that they could have a few traditions to share with their own families. Blink, and your teens will be young adults who will cherish those pictures that  they argued with you about taking. I told myself that again tonight.

We need to let go of this idea that things have to be like something out of a Better Homes and Gardens layout. Your turkey doesn’t have to turn out just right and you don’t have to have a hundred presents under the tree. Your kids don’t need a bunch of presents that they won’t remember in a month and that you can’t afford—but they do need YOU.

Christmas comes just once a year. I say “make a fuss.” It’s the birth of our Savior. It’s worth the fuss. It’s a chance to get out from under our daily routine and be thankful. It’s a chance to give back.

In this Internet age, this age of screen time and Facebook, Christmas offers us a chance to step away. We can step away, look at some Christmas lights, watch a few old movies and while we’re doing it, we can assess where we’re going and what we’re sowing.

We are sowing, after all.

So yes. The fuss is worth it. You’re trying so hard because of love. Love builds something. Love imagines a memory five years from now and sees it as precious in the moment, too. Love says, “This matters.”

Real Christmas memories are made on nights like tonight.

Or at least, I keep telling myself that—no, my grown children remind me of what I need to know to keep going… the little ones, the tweens, the teens… they will get it.

Come to think of it, I have a hunch it was hard on my grandparents when they took us to see the lights on Peacock Lane. It’s just that I don’t remember the fuss. I only remember the feel of my hand in my grandmother’s gloves. I remember Grandpa telling me how hard it must be for Santa to get all the way up to some of those chimneys. I remember hot chocolate.

I bet we argued. I bet we spilled our hot chocolate. I bet my grandparents fell into bed and wondered if it was worth it.

So, when I think about them, yes. I believe it’s true.

The fuss—is worth it.

Merry Christmas, busy mom.

St. John Family Favorites: Thanksgiving Books for Families

Yes!  Leaves are falling, candles are lit. Cider abounds.  Bring it, holiday season! This year, maybe more than ever, I’m ready for some good old fashioned holiday rest and love. 🙂

I’m a little bit of a fanatic about Thanksgiving—because it allows us to be thankful for what we have without the pressure of gift exchanges. Thanksgiving offers us the chance to focus on what really matters in this life. To slow down. To reflect.

To be thankful.

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Homeschooling With Toddlers: Finding Your Way Without Losing Your Mind (or Joy!)

Ahhh, toddlers.  Gotta love ’em. I have been homeschooling successfully with toddlers for many years. Or not!

You know me, I like to keep things real.  And in the interest in being perfectly honest, let me just start by saying I’ve tried everything I know how to try and nothing is ever foolproof.  Nothing works all the time. Real-life isn’t like Pinterest.

Here’s the big thing I’ve learned though.  Are you ready? The best thing I can do for myself and my toddlers is to appreciate them. I have lots of fun toddler stories but one of my favorites is from 1998, the first year we were homeschooling. I was still in “let’s see if I can really do this” mode and I was very serious about it all.  One cold winter morning as I was teaching Sierra from our favorite book on reading “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons,” I noticed that I had not heard from the toddler in some time.

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Giving Our Kids the Gift of Boredom!

I can hear them now as my hubby and I wash up after dinner.  They are running around, enjoying the respite from our intense desert sun while they soak up that important time outside.  One boy runs inside to inform me that he’s discovered a new path.  Really it is just a long stretch of space behind a line of bushes.  But in his mind, it is ripe with mystery and opportunity.  He grabs at my hand, begging me to explore this path with him.  I arrive in time for a lizard funeral as boys relay their attempt to rescue this scaly creature from a bird.  In the span of 2 minutes, we’ve discussed funeral practices, heaven, predator/prey relationships, and compassion.  And I didn’t have to plan a thing.

Giving our kids the gift of time - a better way of staying busy...

Ahhh, the lazy days of summer – when kids run wild – exploring, building forts, climbing trees, forming clubs, reading books.  Well, that’s the way it used to be anyways.

These days we are all about programs and bucket lists…

And if we aren’t keeping our kids busy and occupied with these than we give them our ipads, smartphones or some other kind of screen to keep them occupied.

But what if we did something drastic and returned to the good ol’ days, the lazy days of summer?  What if we embraced the value of time – time to be bored – knowing that we are allowing their imagination, their curiosity, their ingenuity to develop?

They say that “necessity is the mother of invention,” but I’d venture to add that a bit of boredom accomplishes this too!  It takes skill to know what to do with oneself.  If we remove distractions and take the time to provide these opportunities, think of what a gift we can give them.    And while we are at it, we can unplug and just be as well.  We can be present – enter into their worlds, bring them into ours.  We can read, talk, bake, and explore free from the confines of “busyness.”  Our culture has idolized the concept of being busy and redefined what that looks like.  It is program focused, instead of people focused.  And all too often it leaves us frantic, disconnected, and unable to just be there for the little things in life.  Life is busy, but let’s take a look at what we are busy doing and then help our children learn how to constructively occupy their own time without always doing it for them.  Because these are the moments when most of life’s lessons are learned.  It’s nearly impossible to plan for; we simply need to be available.

So how do we embrace this kind of “time?”  I’m sharing a few ideas about how to embrace boredom in a way that cultivates creativity over at my blog, Cultivated Lives.

Heather.


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3 Steps to Taming Your Child’s Tongue, with Ginger Hubbard

“Did you really just say that?” I can’t even count how many times I have thought or said this in a moment of frustration and anger with one of my children. Yes, parenting is hard work — but Ginger Hubbard offers life-giving, practical solutions that even busy parents can implement today by pointing our children (and ourselves) back to the ultimate parenting manual: The Bible. Ginger is one of my favorite authors ever! You will be encouraged. ~ Heidi  xo


Mooooomy, I want some juuuiiice!” Whining
“You’re stupid!” Disrespecting
“Tommy’s not doing what you told him to do!” Tattling
“No, I’m not going to clean my room!” Disobeying
“I didn’t take a cookie from the jar!” Lying

What causes a child to speak such tender words as “I love you” and “You’re the best mommy in the world” in one breath and in the next say something terrible? Before I had children, whenever I thought about my future family, I envisioned happy, well-mannered little darlings who always obeyed. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. What happened to all my plans for great parenting and well-behaved children? The stick turned blue. Twice.

In short order I became the mom who was consistently taken aback when her kids spoke foolishly, whether it was in the form of whining, lying, or talking back. With an expression of shock, I would ask, “Why do you act like that?” After a closer look at the Word of God, I realized I was asking the wrong question.

Jesus explained, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matthew 12:34). In other words, there is merit to the old saying, “What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.” Our sin does not begin with our mouths; it begins with our hearts. I slowly learned to quit asking, “Why does my child sin?” and began to ask myself, “When my child sins, how might I point him to the fact that he is a sinner in need of a savior? How might I help him understand and live in the power of the Gospel?”

Through much prayer and searching the Bible, I found that having a three-step plan of action for getting to the heart of behavior, reproving children biblically, and training children in righteousness can make a positive difference in how we respond to a child’s need for correction.

Catch a Podcast with Ginger Here!

Step 1: Getting to the Heart of Behavior
A wise parent will learn to move beyond the words of her child by addressing the issues of the heart. After all, if the heart is reached, the behavior will take care of itself. Jesus set the ultimate example for how to probe the heart of another in order to draw out what lies within. When dealing with sinners, Jesus did not shake his finger at their faces and tell them what they were doing wrong. Instead, He would ask thought-provoking questions in such a way that the person to whom he was talking had to take his focus off of the circumstances around him and onto the sin in his own heart. Heart-probing questions cause children to evaluate themselves, which helps them recognize their need for Christ.

Step 2: Reproving Your Child Biblically
In Matthew 18:15 God commands that we reprove those who are caught in sin. A biblical reproof exposes wrong by shedding light where there is darkness. Fortunately, God has faithfully provided us with all that we need to speak wisdom and truth into the hearts of our children. We need not look any further than the infallible Word of God. Once we have determined the issue of the heart that drives the outward behavior, we can then address the offense in accordance with Scripture.

Step 3: Training Your Child in Righteousness
It is never enough to tell kids what not to do; we must teach them what to do. In the book of Ephesians we are told to put off the old self and to put on the new self (4:22). Teaching children to “put off” wrong behavior comes naturally for parents, mainly because we find wrong behavior unpleasant, but the key to successful parenting is found in training them in righteousness. It is equally important, if not more important, that we teach our kids to replace what is wrong with what is right.


GINGER HUBBARD is a sought-after speaker, author, and an award-winning writer. She has spoken at hundreds of parenting conferences, mom’s events, and homeschool conventions across the country. She is a veteran homeschooling mother of two adult children and stepmom to two much-adored stepsons. She and her husband reside in Opelika, Alabama.

I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child’s Tongue: Are you ever embarrassed or shocked by what comes out of your child’s mouth? Do you raise your voice, threaten, and coerce, but find yourself frustrated because nothing seems to work?

In I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!, Ginger Hubbard provides a practical, three-step plan to reach beyond the behaviors of tongue-related struggles—such as lying, tattling, and whining—to address your child’s heart. After all, as Matthew 12:34 tells us, “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

By moving past the idea that parenting is about rigid rule-setting or behavior management, we can set aside ineffective practices such as scolding, ignoring the offense, or merely administering punishment. Instead, we start to see that our children’s outbursts are prime opportunities for the ultimate goal of all parenting: to guide them to the redemptive work of Jesus and his transformational power.


GIVEAWAYS!
Would you like a practical three-step plan for reaching beyond the behaviors of tongue related struggles—such as lying, tattling, whining, and complaining—to address your child’s heart? Be sure to sign up for a chance to win a free copy of my new book, I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child’s Tongue.

THREE WINNERS will be contacted via email on July 31st, and everyone who signs up for a chance to win will automatically receive two FREE mini-ebooks on How to Pray for Your Child and How to Lead Your Child to Christ!

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When Less is More: Encouragement for Homeschool Moms Going Back to School

The school busses are running in my neighborhood again. And can I just be honest about something for a moment? This can be hard time of year for the “regular school” and “homeschool” moms to understand each other. Sometimes it can be downright depressing to watch other moms send their kids off to school. I know, I know— I CHOSE this. I get it. But still. Reality is reality—and homeschooling has it’s own reality. Good, but hard. Like all things that are worth it.

Listen. My best friend in the whole wide world sends her kids to “regular” school and so this is NOT a “dig” , it’s just a reality check.

This morning I saw a status from a friend who was “elated” to finally have her children back in school… she was going to the mall by herself to celebrate… oh the plans she had, 7 hours to herself every day! No messy house. Peace and quiet. I confess: I felt the familiar sting of jealousy mixed with a bit of angst about all that was ahead for me this fall.

After all, this isn’t my first rodeo! I’ve been at this for twenty years.

I looked around my house. Grandkids, cousins, siblings. Noise. (Some are even happy noises.) Messy house. Oh.So.Messy. And then, it hit me again: homeschooling is a MONUMENTAL COMMITMENT.

And it’s not for everyone.

Homeschooling families CHOOSE

—more messy house days

—more math

—less “me” time

—less “quiet” time

—less income, most of the time

—less trips to the mall…or anyplace else… alone 🙂

But here’s the thing.  IN RETURN, if we do not lose heart, if we stay the course, the reward far exceeds the commitment we’re making.

Why? Because in choosing many of the things on my “less” list, we’re also choosing MORE. Homeschool mom, you’re CHOOSING

—more involvement, which means more influence with your children

—more TIME with your children, which means more memories to cherish and to use the influence you have

—more childhood, thanks to just being home more

—more opportunities to shape hearts and minds

—more educational options to meet individual needs

—more interaction, more hugs, more TIME. Did I mention more time? Oh yes, I did.

—more flexibility.

So homeschool mom, you’ve got this.

When I think about it this way, my heart is strengthened. In this light, less really is “more”. There are no “easy” buttons for educating our children, no matter what we choose to do. But as homeschooling moms, you’re making a commitment to put your heart and soul into the lives of your children in a way that many people would not ever choose to do.

Will it be hard? You know it will. But it will also be worth it.

So take a deep breath, homeschool mom! Let’s embrace the opportunity we have been given and make the most of the incredible opportunity called the homeschool years. They really do go by quickly. <3


#hsjpodcast contest winners: Please e-mail Melissa with your mailing address by September 7 and we’ll get your swag on the way!

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