Tag Archives: priorities

Dear Tired Mom Who Wonders If All This Christmas Fuss is Worth It

We took the kids to look at Christmas lights tonight. Me, my sister, our husbands and our children. It was gonna be GREAT. I imagined a quiet stroll down Peacock Lane and pictures in front of the Grinch house. Yeah. It didn’t exactly go down like that.

I don’t know why, either. I used to go to Peacock lane with my grandparents when I was a kid. I remember it as nothing less than perfect.

I won’t lie to you. There was some sibling bickering in the car on the way there. A certain four-year old was bothering her brothers by singing Christmas carols … off key. Someone ate someone else’s candy cane. On and on it went. Someone was cold. Someone was hungry. Someone had to go potty.

The street we love to visit was crowded… BUT.  “We are MAKING MEMORIES!!” I told them—and so out we all piled. A few times along the way, we had to stop and take a head count. It wasn’t relaxing. Two of the kids told me they would rather be home. (Yeah. And I would rather be “here” with you, listening to you bicker when I could be home taking a well-deserved hot shower?)  But I digress.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you the WAY IT IS. This parenting thing you’re doing—it’s not going to be easy. I’ve been at it now for going on 24 years. In my 24 years of parenting, I can testify to the fact that there are precious few “picture perfect” moments of family life. As moms, we live and breathe for those moments. Someone please. Just tell us that it’s not for nothing. We just want to know that it’s working, this investment of time, love and energy we’re making.

We wonder why we’re trying so hard. Is all this fuss really worth it? Why are we making sugar cookies and watching “Miracle on 34th Street” for the fifteenth time? The kids don’t seem to appreciate it. Even my husband is doubting whether or not anyone cares.

Is it that important?

I’m here to tell you that it is.

One day, your children will appreciate the fact that you made them stand in front of that wooden Grinch cutout for a family picture. Not too long from now, they’ll understand the sacrifice you made so that they could have a few traditions to share with their own families. Blink, and your teens will be young adults who will cherish those pictures that  they argued with you about taking. I told myself that again tonight.

We need to let go of this idea that things have to be like something out of a Better Homes and Gardens layout. Your turkey doesn’t have to turn out just right and you don’t have to have a hundred presents under the tree. Your kids don’t need a bunch of presents that they won’t remember in a month and that you can’t afford—but they do need YOU.

Christmas comes just once a year. I say “make a fuss.” It’s the birth of our Savior. It’s worth the fuss. It’s a chance to get out from under our daily routine and be thankful. It’s a chance to give back.

In this Internet age, this age of screen time and Facebook, Christmas offers us a chance to step away. We can step away, look at some Christmas lights, watch a few old movies and while we’re doing it, we can assess where we’re going and what we’re sowing.

We are sowing, after all.

So yes. The fuss is worth it. You’re trying so hard because of love. Love builds something. Love imagines a memory five years from now and sees it as precious in the moment, too. Love says, “This matters.”

Real Christmas memories are made on nights like tonight.

Or at least, I keep telling myself that—no, my grown children remind me of what I need to know to keep going… the little ones, the tweens, the teens… they will get it.

Come to think of it, I have a hunch it was hard on my grandparents when they took us to see the lights on Peacock Lane. It’s just that I don’t remember the fuss. I only remember the feel of my hand in my grandmother’s gloves. I remember Grandpa telling me how hard it must be for Santa to get all the way up to some of those chimneys. I remember hot chocolate.

I bet we argued. I bet we spilled our hot chocolate. I bet my grandparents fell into bed and wondered if it was worth it.

So, when I think about them, yes. I believe it’s true.

The fuss—is worth it.

Merry Christmas, busy mom.

Giving Our Kids the Gift of Boredom!

I can hear them now as my hubby and I wash up after dinner.  They are running around, enjoying the respite from our intense desert sun while they soak up that important time outside.  One boy runs inside to inform me that he’s discovered a new path.  Really it is just a long stretch of space behind a line of bushes.  But in his mind, it is ripe with mystery and opportunity.  He grabs at my hand, begging me to explore this path with him.  I arrive in time for a lizard funeral as boys relay their attempt to rescue this scaly creature from a bird.  In the span of 2 minutes, we’ve discussed funeral practices, heaven, predator/prey relationships, and compassion.  And I didn’t have to plan a thing.

Giving our kids the gift of time - a better way of staying busy...

Ahhh, the lazy days of summer – when kids run wild – exploring, building forts, climbing trees, forming clubs, reading books.  Well, that’s the way it used to be anyways.

These days we are all about programs and bucket lists…

And if we aren’t keeping our kids busy and occupied with these than we give them our ipads, smartphones or some other kind of screen to keep them occupied.

But what if we did something drastic and returned to the good ol’ days, the lazy days of summer?  What if we embraced the value of time – time to be bored – knowing that we are allowing their imagination, their curiosity, their ingenuity to develop?

They say that “necessity is the mother of invention,” but I’d venture to add that a bit of boredom accomplishes this too!  It takes skill to know what to do with oneself.  If we remove distractions and take the time to provide these opportunities, think of what a gift we can give them.    And while we are at it, we can unplug and just be as well.  We can be present – enter into their worlds, bring them into ours.  We can read, talk, bake, and explore free from the confines of “busyness.”  Our culture has idolized the concept of being busy and redefined what that looks like.  It is program focused, instead of people focused.  And all too often it leaves us frantic, disconnected, and unable to just be there for the little things in life.  Life is busy, but let’s take a look at what we are busy doing and then help our children learn how to constructively occupy their own time without always doing it for them.  Because these are the moments when most of life’s lessons are learned.  It’s nearly impossible to plan for; we simply need to be available.

So how do we embrace this kind of “time?”  I’m sharing a few ideas about how to embrace boredom in a way that cultivates creativity over at my blog, Cultivated Lives.

Heather.


Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

5 Traits of a Strong Marriage, Because It’s Worth It

We’re just gearing up for my speaking season here, which is always pretty challenging.  We meet ourselves coming and going for 4 months or so.  More than once, we’ve had a little hiccup at home when my husband reminds me that it has been a while since we had spent “quality” time together.  Sometimes I cringe.  Just one.more.thing. that I need to put on my to-do list.  I feel burdened.  Yeah.  I said that.  I’ll tell you the truth: balancing marriage and motherhood is not for the faint-of-heart.

But your family, your marriage is worth it.  Let me say it again: it’s worth it. Worth investing in. Worth fighting for. Worth every ounce of energy you can muster.

The truth is that our marriage is the most precious component of our home life.  Neglect it, and the whole family suffers.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: marriage needs to come before mothering.  

Before we get into books and schedules and the busy fall routines, let’s remind ourselves: our marriages matter.

It matters.  It matters to your children and to your grandchildren. It matters for the generations that will come after you.  Truth is: your children have a better chance of staying married if you stay married.  It matters.  They’re more important than homeschooling, busy mom.

Over the past 25 years, I’ve been blessed to know some amazing families. I’ve seen them weather some pretty harsh storms, too. While there is no formula for a strong family, there are some common traits that make a family strong.  The biggest one? Strong families have strong marriages. Strong marriage—strong family.

5 Traits of a Happily Married Couple

  1. Strong married couples spend time together.
    They realize that time is a commodity, just like any other, and they spend it on each other whenever possible. Working on the yard together, doing a project around the house, working out, reading, cooking—or just being.  Happy marriages require an investment of time.
  2. They have a spiritual commitment to the marriage.
    “For better or for worse” means something to couples who go the distance. They don’t give up when times are hard. They forgive each other. They have a sense of commitment that goes beyond today’s cultural norms.
  3. They solve problems together in a crisis.
    Rather than finger-pointing and manipulation, they put their heads together in times of crisis.  They recognize that their spouse is not the enemy—and they keep their eyes fixed what’s ahead, not what’s behind.
  4. They value sexual intimacy and fidelity.
    Inside a happy marriage, sex is not a one-sided pursuit. It’s a shared commitment.  A commitment to protect the marriage through nurturing sexual fulfillment and to keep the marriage free from anything that might damage trust or break faith.
  5. They communicate well with each other.
    Proverbs says, “Right words spoken in the right time are like apples of gold in a silver setting.” A strong marriage is marked by a commitment to good communication.  Happy couples can talk to each other about anything—even hard things, and do it in love.  Let love be your aim.

Your marriage is worth it.

A Union of Two Forgivers

two-forgivers-heidistjohn

It’s been said that “A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.” I couldn’t agree more. I know that my husband forgives me every day. Little things that I could’ve said better, mostly. 🙂 It’s amazing to me how I can be the most inconsiderate to the ones I love the most.

Over the years I’ve spoken to many moms about this, and it seems it’s a common struggle. Sometimes it’s easier to be kind to the woman at WalMart than it is to our own family. After all, the woman at the store might just haul off and kick me if I’m rude to her, right?! 🙂

I think we easily take our most precious relationships for granted, because we feel the most comfortable with the ones with whom our relationships are the most secure.

Do you need to be forgiven? Ask for it. Do you need to forgive? Don’t put it off.

Today, let’s purpose to TELL our husbands how much we love them. Remind your husband about those qualities in him that you love and admire. Flirt with him. <3 Invite him to bed for a change. Believe me, he’ll love you for it!

It’s never too late to invest in your marriage.
It’s never too late to forgive.

And it’s never to late to be forgiven.

The Lie of Ordinary Motherhood

Last week, in a moment of desperation and frustration, I looked at my husband and lamented, “I live in a state of constantly disappointing someone!” That’s how I felt after forgetting to get back to one of my grown children about a coffee date while simultaneously being behind in everything from laundry to dinner prep.

And yes. I have helpers. The kitchen helper complained that her chores were too much, and one of my teens blurted something out about being “ruined” due to homeschooling.

I’d love to tell you that I reacted positively to these minor challenges, but I didn’t. I retreated to my room and hosted my own pity party.

It felt good, actually.  Forget those kids! They can make their own dinner tonight! For that matter, they can do it for the REST OF THEIR LIVES! Our ten year old poked her head into my room and observed that I was “in a bad mood.” She was right. I was.

“I’m just a mom!” I complained. I can’t keep up. Why am I even doing this? Who cares?

For those few hours last week, I forgot I was part of a battle.

I have discovered that where mothers are concerned, the devil doesn’t need to change tactics very often. One of his favorite tactics is to tell mothers this simple lie, “You’re just a mom.”

Have you ever heard the enemy whisper the lie in your ear?

lie-ordinary-motherhood

Here’s the truth: There’s no such thing as just a mom.

Many moms believe this lie because they don’t realize the implications it carries with it.

See if you can see the danger of the lie. If I am “just a mom,” then

  • I’m not part of a battle.
  • I’m not capable of training warriors.
  • my role is insignificant.
  • it doesn’t matter if I’m strong or not.
  • my role is replaceable.
  • my role is just for one generation.
  • my walk with God is not important.
  • the spiritual battle doesn’t include me.

Can you see the risk in believing the lie?

There is no such thing as “just a mom.” Mothers are literally shaping the hearts and minds of an entire generation of children. Moms matter, and the devil knows it. This is why he works overtime to discourage Christian moms from taking an active part in the spiritual nurturing of their children.

Honestly? We can’t afford to let Satan lie to us any longer. Too much is at stake. We’re dealing with more lies in this generation than in the past sixty years—and it’s time to put this one to bed for good.

You’re more than “just a mom.” You’re more than “ordinary.” You’re ordained for the kingdom purpose of raising your children to follow God.

That means you’re a warrior. Stay in the fight!

Is Your Family Ready for an Emergency? Help is Here! Meet City Girl Prepper

I’m a little bit intimidated by emergency preparedness people. There. I said it.

Now hear me out … it’s not that I don’t want to be ready for a crisis, it’s that I’ve never had a good idea how to start getting ready. The supplies overwhelm me. How much water do we need to have on hand? How much food? How many batteries—and do I really need duct tape? I have it but it’s plaid and green and my kids use it for crafts-n-stuff.

The events of the past several months have caused me and my husband to shift our focus to what kinds of things we would need to have on hand if there was a disruption in everyday life. I know many of you are feeling the same way. There is a lot going on in our world. But what if you could find a way to have a little bit of peace-of-mind and know that if something does happen, you have resources to tackle the disruption or disaster at hand?

My blood pressure dropped just thinking about how much calmer your kids would be if they knew that mom had it handled. Can you relate? If so—I have good news for you. I met a mom in California recently who has started a business that helps moms like me make sure their family is ready for any kind of emergency situation. Jennifer Stewart-Tai has put together backpacks with literally everything you would need in case of an emergency.

Emergency PreparednessMade for MomsBy a Mom

Why should we be concerned? Because we need to be able to take care of our families in the event of an emergency. It can take a while to get help if first responders are overwhelmed. For example, did you know that there are only 15 first responders for every 25,000 citizens?

With just 80% of American families prepared, resources will quickly be tapped out if there is a natural disaster or disruption in services and goods.  So it’s up to you to have supplies for you and your family.

“As a busy mom it’s difficult to find the time to research and assemble a backpack and the supplies you need in case of an emergency,” says City Girl Prepper founder Jennifer Stewart-Tai. “That’s why I started City Girl Prepper. CGP focuses on making emergency backpacks for families, with a special emphasis on women.

All the backpacks are already assembled and take the guesswork out of the equation.”

If you already have a backpack, consider this: City Girl Prepper backpacks are different because they were designed by a mom for moms. In addition to the basics, like a 3-days’ supply of food and water, it’s filled with all the extras you really want to have in case of an emergency; women’s fit work gloves, quality feminine products, fun band-aids, and of course—chocolate.
You’ll gain comfort knowing that you are doing what you do best—taking care of your family.

And *newsflash!* We all know that a calm mom= calm kids.

But—here’s what makes City Girl Prepper even more exciting…you can get prepared and help other families do the same thing!

busymomprep

Save 10% on your City Girl Prepper purchase!
Use code busymomprep

Become a Preparedness Coach today!
Use code busymomcoach

Have you ever attended a party for jewelry or candles? What about a Readiness party? Isn’t it time for a party with a purpose? City Girl Prepper is actually a direct selling company who is recruiting founding consultants. So you can get your family ready and help others too. City Girl Prepper is on a mission to inspire and create self-reliant women who are ready for anything that comes their way. It’s a big mission, and they need as many people as possible to join in and make a difference in their community. “The more prepared our community is, the stronger we all are!” says Stewart-Tai.

partywithpurpose1

What I Want Them to Remember When I’m Gone

A few weeks ago, I was making dinner for a family in our church that has been dealing with some undiagnosed health struggles.  My daughter came in to ask what I was doing, and as I explained the situation to her, I thought to myself, “I want them to know this was important to me.  I want them to remember that their mama loved people.”  There are so many things in our days that I hope they don’t remember as the big issues of life.  I hope they don’t remember that I sometimes love my sleep more than I love them.  And sometimes, I seem like I love my clean house more than I love them.  As I finished cooking, I continued to mull over this thought.  What do I really want them to remember about me?  I do want them to remember that I love people.  But what if their gifting doesn’t lend them to hospitality and service?  What if people are tiring and loving others is a challenge to them?  I still want them to remember that I loved people, but there’s more.

when-im-gone

I want them to know that I loved them.  Hard.  I hope they know that I loved them more than I ever knew was possible in my body.  But, even that is not enough.  Because while I hope they know that they are loved by me for every breath they take, what about the day that I am gone?  What does that leave them with beyond a memory?  A legacy, I hope.  A love that teaches them how to love others, and builds confidence in them; I pray it gives them that.  But will that change their life?  Give them strength and vision for their hard days and the calling God puts on their life?  Maybe in some ways.

But still, my love is not enough for them.  But there is a love that is.  And that is what I hope they remember, and know without a shadow of a doubt.  I hope that one day, when they think about their mama, they can say, “My mama?  She loved Jesus.  With everything she had.  Loving Jesus made her love us, and other people, and our daddy with strength only He can give.  She loved us, and sometimes she yelled, and sometimes she chose the wrong things, and she wasn’t perfect.  But she loved Jesus.”

I hope that one day my kids want to be like me.  I hope I give them an example they want to follow.  But if He calls my sweet girl to a life of singleness and missionary life in another country, I don’t want her to be floundering for how to live life because she just wanted to love her kids like her mama did.  And if my boy is introverted and struggles to love people, I don’t want him to feel like he’s failing.  I hope and pray that they go after Jesus with all their heart, soul and strength.  That they can say to themselves “In living this life, I’m gonna love Jesus. No matter what.  Just like my mama did.”