Tag Archives: I’m tired

Dear Homeschool Mom Who Isn’t Ready to Go Back to School

Homeschooling,
Dear homeschool mom who isn’t ready—or can’t bring herself to think about school: In other words, a letter to myself.
 
I’m 187 years old in homeschooling this fall, I think. Maybe not. I’ve lost track. Truth be told, I haven’t thought much about what I’m doing for school this year. There’s a stack of books on my dining room table with a piece of paper on top that says, “TO REVIEW.” I need to place my usual online order for math. Reality?  I don’t even want to look at it.

I did catch the sale at Walmart on spiral notebooks. Got a whole box of those bad boys! Felt like a small victory.

Hey, I know you’re wondering what’s going on with me. I mean, I speak to thousands of homeschoolers every season. It’s my job to pump you guys up—but honestly, I’m a little depleted right now.  You should see the piles of books that I still have to sort through. Normally by this time of year I’m pretty well ahead of the game. Try not to think too much less of me.

Like I said, 187 years. That’s a long time. I’m tired.  I know, I know. “You chose this,” you say. Just like we chose to have a big family. I know, I know.

There was a time when comments like “Well you chose this” would have really hurt. I’m over it now, because I’m too busy being hard on myself. Your criticisms can’t compete with the voices in my head. Believe me.
Our kids are going to be in 1st, 6th, 8th and 10th grade this fall. Somehow, the three we graduated seem to be doing fine. I say it over and over.
Earlier today, the five and eleven year olds were “catching” slugs. You know, for the “habitats” they made out of my two best clear storage containers. They’re not my best containers anymore. They’re full of dirt—and slugs. One has a praying mantis in it. They were feeding it moths and spiders yesterday. Seems they’ve discovered what the word “carnivorous” means in the process.

“Hey, this is unschooling!” I laughed out loud. Fifteen years ago I would not have counted that. That was before I knew the value of letting my kids be bored.

They’ve been bored a lot this summer, because I’ve been writing a book… for a year. Today, I turned in the final manuscript. After I emailed it to my publisher and agent, I went downstairs to see how the kids were faring. Our thirteen year old was making her first ever batch of gluten-free pretzels. They were good—warm and salty and pull-apart soft.  I suggested she hide them—you know—from me. She’s getting really good at this baking thing.

“Maybe I’m not failing,”  I thought. “Looks like someone is figuring out ratios’n stuff.”

My son, now going into his junior year, is finishing up Biology after ditching it for my speaking season. Poor kid. Instead of finishing Biology with his class, he was with our family, lugging books around the country and helping us sell books while taking in cities like Dallas, New York, Chattanooga, Nashville, Orlando, Topeka and Denver.

“This is American History/Geography/Consumer Math/Psychology,” I mused. “I’m pretty sure I’ve read articles about unschoolers getting into Harvard.”

“Maybe I’m overthinking this again,” I thought.

Because in all my years of homeschooling, for every year of changing schedules, curriculum and stress levels, one thing has remained the same: the equipping grace of God. Really, it’s all Him. Even if I don’t start school for two more weeks (and we probably won’t, because sane mom is better than stressed mom) His grace is there.  I don’t have to do papier-mâché globes and salt-maps of the State of Washington by mid-October to find the grace I need.

Maybe, just maybe, God is reminding me that if I’ll do my part—He’ll do His.

So, if this is you tonight (and if it’s not, that’s okay too) I thought maybe, just maybe, you could use the same reminder that the Spirit spoke to my heart tonight.

 
It’s going to be okay.
 
Breathe.
 
You don’t have to start next week. (really!)
 

Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. <3

Pray. Ask God for His specific instructions. His yoke is easy.

Make a {simple} list.

Make a {simple} menu. Cereal can be a meal. You’re welcome.

Remember God’s faithfulness. God will finish what He has started.

Enjoy the kids. Enjoy them. Take walks. Take field trips.

You don’t have to be ready right now. You just have to be listening.

xoxo
heidi
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Tears in My Crockpot

Faith, , ,

My morning was hijacked by a FB post. I found out that lead could be leaching from my Crock Pot and contaminating my carefully planned meals.  I couldn’t be sure whether or not said Crock Pot might, in fact, be poisoning my entire family, but I spent most of the morning gripped with fear.

So while I was working hard to purchase wholesome, preferably organic food, all my efforts may very well have been voided completely by a malicious Crock Pot.

Welcome to the 21st century.  It’s a roller coaster ride of mad efforts to stay ahead of the latest information: are cell phones killing our brains and giving us cancer?  Does technology make us more or less smart? Are my kids getting the right food, exercise, sleep, stimulation, friends, teachers, education?  Is my marriage all it’s supposed to be? Am I really a good mom?  Are the candidates really who they say they are?  Who is lying? Who is telling the truth?  And just when we think we MIGHT have a few answers, the rug is pulled out from underneath us.

It’s enough to make a grown woman cry.  And I have. Again and again.

You see, in the midst of all this mayhem…all this pain of life, what our souls are really crying out for are peace and rest.   We NEED peace and we NEED rest.

So as I remind myself to breathe (because, yes, sometimes I forget to do that) and I let the tears flow, I realize this is not my home.  I was made for so much more. WE were made for so much more.

And we will only know peace when we take the time to sit at the feet of Jesus and just be quiet. We need to feel his hand brushing the tears away and whispering words of comfort…”Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you REST… Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find REST for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Jesus said,”In the world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33  He never said it would be easy, but He did promise that He would be right there in us to help us rest and trust and to show us what to do next.

The problem is that we tend to borrow trouble.  God told us in Matthew  6:19-34that we should not worry about tomorrow because it would be too much for us.  Instead He reassures us that He values us more than we know and that HE will take care of us.

Mom, you are precious to Him.  Your families are precious to Him.  Never stop knowing and believing that He is GOOD and that He LOVES you.  He has your best interest in mind and promises in Romans 8:28 that if you are called according to His purposes,  He WILL work everything out for your good and His glory.

And so that morning I shed tears over my Crock Pot, I prayed.  I named that lie that the enemy was trying desperately to get me to believe and I declared out loud that HE IS GOOD.  I asked God to protect our family, give us wisdom and I told Him that I trusted Him.

I found out later that my Crock Pot isn’t out to kill us.  But I can tell you that the enemy IS.  God says that the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly!  Put on your armor, moms, and fight the good fight!  He is good and He is ON YOUR SIDE!

When You Think You’re Failing as a Mother

Homeschooling, MomStrong Parenting, , ,

It had been one of those mornings.

You know the kind. The kind of the morning when the attitudes and behavior displayed by your children drive you to despair that they will ever become productive, law abiding citizens.

Yeah, that kind.

There was complaining – about everything.

There was selfishness – lots of selfishness.

There were rude comments.

Oh, and did I mention complaining?

All of these things were made exponentially worse by the fact that all 6 of my kids were in the mix. 

As we loaded the car later that morning and headed to my co-op teacher training at a local park, it was hard to muster a smile to cover the insecurity and doubt that I felt about my skills as a mother, a homeschooler and co-op teacher.

It was a beautiful day and the kids eagerly scrambled out of the car onto the playground.

I watched nervously as the other co-op teachers rambled in one by one, parking their cars and unloading their broods.

I wonder if the 8-year old will get mad and push his brother?  How long until the 5-year old begins whining?  Will my awkward tween daughter engage with the other girls her age or will she hang out on her own being – well, awkward?

One teacher’s daughter walked past noticing a mom-of-many littles struggling and offered her assistance.

I observed with gratitude another teacher’s son being kind to my difficult 8-year old. 

Some of the teachers’ older boys started a game of soccer with the younger boys.

Although I was blessed by the other teachers’ well-behaved children at the park, I also began comparing their behavior to my kids’ behavior earlier in the day and couldn’t help but feel even more discouraged.

Our tutor meeting began with light chat and laughter.  How I cherished these women!  Each talented and beautiful in their own way, we talked about how school was going and how we were looking forward to Spring right around the corner. 

We poured over our lessons for the next quarter, marking notes and sharing teaching tips gained by our years of teaching.

As we wrapped things up, one teacher’s son came over to lodge a complaint (the first one of the afternoon) against a sister who was insisting on having her own way.

Another teacher commented how her kids (the helpful one earlier in my tale) had been having issues with stubbornness.  One by one we began to share bits of our struggles with our own kids. 

One child had been on kitchen duty for 4 weeks as he stubbornly refused to do the job consistently without complaining.  I could relate to that – but 4 weeks!  That was pretty bad, yes?

I scanned the horizon, as moms at parks are prone to do, counting heads, making sure all my babes were accounted for.  I noticed my often stubborn son playing peacefully under the slides with another boy. 

My 5-year old leaned into my side, content to play with his toys quietly on the blanket.

My tween was laughing and kicking a soccer ball with the other tweens with apparent ease.  (What she may have been feeling inside is another issue!)

As we packed up to leave and the kids shouted their farewells, I smiled. 

My kids aren’t’ perfect – far from it.  But they are precious works in process – just like me.

Dear mama, if you’re fretting about your kids’ behavior, I want to encourage you that we all are!

 5 Verses of Encouragement for Moms

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

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My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13

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I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-4

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Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Never lose heart that the consistent, daily reminders and even consequences and teaching that we give our kids will result in young people who help, who are kind, who are patient. 

 

How to Hang On to the Knot at the End of Your Rope

Faith, Homemaking, , , , , ,

You’ve heard the old saying, I’m sure:

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

It’s a great visual, isn’t it? But here’s my question, “What do you do next?” I mean you can’t just hang there at the end of your rope, holding on to a knot forever, can you?

I recently found myself nearing the end of my own rope. Living life as a  a wife, mom, and homeschool teacher, who also works from home, blogs, attempts to love my neighbor, and suffers with chronic pain . . well, it all just took it’s toll on me. There were days when I literally felt like a knot was not going to be big enough for me to hang on to. Have you ever had that kind of anxiety, where you feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, and one small breeze is going to knock you over it. That was me.

Something had to change. Actually some thingS had to change. But I had to begin, and I quickly discovered that figuring out where to begin was the hardest part. The following are the steps I took, and if you, too, are finding yourself at the end of your rope, or standing on the edge of a cliff trying to keep the wind at bay, I hope you will find hope and useful action steps here.

Evaluate

You may need to write this stuff down in order to really see the big picture, but begin evaluating your life.

  • Where are you spending your time? Be honest with yourself.
  • What is the focus of most of your energy?
  • Whose needs are you expected to meet on a daily or weekly basis. Are you doing so?
  • Why are you over-committed?

It didn’t take me long to figure out that I was spending much more time and energy on projects outside of my responsibilities as a wife and homeschool mom, than I should be. While I was serving my clients and readers well, I was doing a poor job of serving my family. The house was a mess, not enough homeschooling was getting done, we were eating more take-out than home-cooked meals, and I was not sleeping enough. This upside-down way of living will cause tremendous stress, not only because you will not have enough time in your days, but also because it will cause your relationships to suffer. Not to mention the exhaustion. Eventually, the lack of sleep will catch up with you. It did with me. And as a middle-aged woman living with auto-immune disease, this is probably the part that was tipping me over the edge the most.

The cause of your upside-down living might be different than mine. Perhaps you’re spending too much time serving your church (you can do that, really) or your community. Maybe you’re allowing friends or neighbors to take advantage of your time because you have a hard time saying, “no.” After all, you’re just a stay-at-home-mom, right? You have all the time in the world!

Whatever it is, write it all down. Be honest with yourself.

Eliminate

Begin eliminating what you can, as soon as you can. I was in a position with my main work client where I needed to finish out a project for a few months before I could step out. There were a few smaller jobs I could drop much sooner though, and I did. Right away, I began turning down new offers.

Purpose yourself right now to begin saying “no” to anything that does not benefit your main goal — for me that was serving my family better and getting more rest. Within a couple of weeks of finally getting to a good place, I was offered 3 more jobs. These were great opportunities that the old me would have jumped at. But I was firm in my resolve, and today, there are no regrets for saying, “no.”

Equip

When you have been accustomed to living at breakneck speed for a long time, and then find yourself with time on your hands again, it will be easy to slip back into old habits. Equip yourself now to prevent that from happening. Here are a few things you can do:

  • Purpose to put first things first.
  • Practice saying, “no.”
  • Pray before saying “yes” to any new opportunities.

Enjoy

If you’re hanging from a knot, then chances are you have not been enjoying life much. It is not as easy to slow down as one might think. You will suddenly feel as though you are wasting time by not filling every minute with some kind of purposeful activity. You’re not. Take time to begin enjoying life again. Spend time with your family, see a movie, go to the park, bake cookies. Seriously . . . these were things I struggled to find time for. I could not even take a vacation with my family without either working double time before and after, or working from the hotel room at night. It was crazy. Everyone needs down time. Don’t feel guilty about taking some for yourself.

It’s been a few months since I made some major changes in how I’m spending my time and how I serve my family. I still have work to do, but there has been much progress.

How are you doing, busy mom? Are you hanging on to a knot, trying to figure out what to do next? Take heart. There is a way out. Trust me . . . if I can find it, you can do.

When You Can’t Be the Mom You Want to Be

MomStrong Parenting, , , ,

There are dinner dishes from yesterday still on the counter.  My daughter’s laundry hasn’t been put away in weeks.  The 2 year old’s clothes I started sorting weeks ago?  Still in a basket in his closet.  My husband wakes up early to settle all the kids through breakfast before he goes to work, and comes home to pick up the pieces I’ve dropped throughout the day.  You see, I am 29 weeks pregnant with our fourth baby, and have been on partial bedrest for the last 4 weeks with quite a few more to go.  And so many days are the same.  There is just so much I cannot do.  I want to.  I long to fulfill my typical role.  But for now, I just cannot do it all.

Sound at all familiar to you?  Perhaps your circumstances are different.  Maybe you’ve had a death in the family, or an extended season of frequent sickness.  Maybe you’ve recently moved, or are preparing to.  Any number of situations could put you in a similar spot!  I don’t know about you, but if I let myself, I feel so.easily.defeated in these times.

cant-be-mom-you-want-to-be

 

Last night I was awake having contractions and my typical pregnancy insomnia.  My mind was swirling with thoughts of all the ways in which it feels like I am failing my family.  All the different ways my husband and children are having to pick up the pieces that I have left scattered all around.  In the midst of my defeat, the Lord was so kind and gracious to keep bringing the word “joy” to my mind.  I love when He does that.  I woke this morning praying for a different day.  For joy in the midst of these circumstances that are different than I would choose right now.  As I prayed, I realized that while there are many things right now that I cannot do, there are things I can do!  I can pray for His grace to cover our family and carry us through these days.  I can choose to have an attitude towards my children and interactions with them and my husband that are honoring to Him and helpful for their hearts!

In my house today, this meant that instead of doing a more involved science experiment that I just wasn’t up for, my kids helped me scoop ingredients for dry mix bags of baked oatmeal.  It means that when I started contracting again after 15 minutes of folding clothes on my girlie’s floor while she cleaned, we all stopped, and moved on to playing and snacks.  Because her room being clean is just NOT the most important thing right now.  Sure, I could have stayed there, pushing myself physically, or snapping at her to keep cleaning and making us all miserable.  But nothing about that is helpful or encouraging for any of us.  Believe me, there are plenty of times when I don’t take it in stride.  When I live in frustration and discouragement over what isn’t happening or what I can’t do, I make my entire family miserable in the process.

There are days where tasks must be accomplished – when I have to push through the attitude, or my own exhaustion, or any number of things to get the house cleaned before Bible study, or get a full solid day of school in after a week of sickness.  But right now, in the midst of this season?  I don’t have to, and in fact, it is better if I don’t try to.  Because for these weeks and likely a few months, life just looks different.  It looks like snuggles, books,  naps,  movies, and more electronic time than I prefer.  And IT IS OKAY!  It will not always be this way, but for now, my goal is to relish this time for what it is, to enjoy puzzles and games and books, and to let my attitude about our circumstances not make this any harder than it is already.

What about you, mamas?  Are you in a season where every day requires you to take it in stride?  It is hard, but so worth it, to rest in what He has for us, even in times where we just don’t feel like we are doing all we should.  He gives grace and peace for these days, and will help us see His plans if we only ask.

Strength for the Weary Mom

MomStrong Parenting, , ,

In March of 2010, as I was planning Savannah’s high school graduation, I found out that I was pregnant. We were not surprised at this news, because we had planned this baby (as much as is humanly possible.) I was feeling very sure of my ability to take on another child when a woman on the graduation committee looked me right in my eyes and said, “Well, Heidi St. John, I admire you! You know what you’re getting into and you’re still willing to have another one!”

I forced a smile. “You must LOVE kids!” she said.

I confess. I was a little irritated. “We love our kids,” I replied, trying not to let my tone reveal my true feelings. “We’re excited to have another little one in our home.” I’m sure she didn’t realize it then, but her words stung. They exacerbated feelings of doubt and insecurity that were already there. After all, this was not her journey, I told myself. It was ours!

Four months later, as I was listening to the commencement address at Savannah’s graduation service, my mind wandered. The small kicks and hiccups of our unborn daughter Saylor Jane left no doubt in my mind: I was so in love with this new little one!  Our children had readily embraced the fact that they were going to be sharing a bedroom with another sibling. I was slowly collecting newborn clothes again (it had been five years since we had a baby) and searching Craigslist for a crib.

I thought I had gotten over the looks and condescending statements from others and I was feeling pretty good about our decision when all of the sudden my mind filled with doubt and worry. I thought about the sleepless nights that were ahead of me.  I wondered how my body was going to hold up under the strain of another pregnancy. After all, I wasn’t a young girl anymore.

“For you do not wrestle against flesh and blood…” Eph 4

In case you don’t believe it yet, let me assure you, the devil is real. I felt his icy grip on my heart as my thoughts of confidence turned to doubt and worry.

When Savannah was born, I was in my early twenties. Now, I was facing pregnancy and birth in my early forties. What was I doing? I thought I had the strength I needed to run the race that was before me, but when I looked at the five children who had yet to graduate from high school and felt the kick of our seventh child within me, my knees went a little weak.  What was I even doing?

“Take every thought captive …” I heard the Lord gently interrupt my wandering heart.

Satan wages his deadly war against us on the battlefield of the mind. I knew I needed to take my thoughts captive. “Lord, help me! Remind me of Your love and strength! Replace these thoughts with Your thoughts!”

God is so faithful. He gently comforted me and the feelings of insecurity began to fade as I repeated His name: Jesus, Jesus. My life is yours. This child is blessing, just like you say in Your word. Thank you that You can be trusted.

It was then that I knew it for sure: I was still at the beginning of a journey that would take me many more years to complete. I had completed eighteen years—and I was starting again, except that this time, I had the blessing of perspective.

Really, veteran moms are not much different than new moms aside from that one beautiful thing. Perspective changes you. It gives you a heads-up that new moms don’t have. Veteran moms know how fast time goes by.

If you are not sure where to get the strength you’ll need for the journey, I want to encourage you—because this beautifully broken mother of seven would like to give you a gentle hug and a high-five as I point you to the true well-spring of life and strength: Jesus.

That’s where strength is found.

He wants to make you strong… but you’ve got to come to the place of wanting His strength in order to find it. God doesn’t require strength for the journey, either. His promise to you is that as you come to Him, you will find strength. His gift is living water; hope for the hopeless, strength for the weary.

Run to him, precious mom. Strength is found in the arms of Jesus. Wherever you are, take a moment and talk to God. He’s waiting. He’s listening.

Lord, help me to be like Abraham, who, by faith, when called to go to a place where he would later receive his inheritance, obeyed and went… not because he knew the outcome, but because he trusted you.

Oh that we would have faith like Abraham! God is faithful!

Dear “Anonymous,” I Was That Mom

Homeschooling, MomStrong Parenting, , , ,

I wish there was a giant coffee shop where we could all meet once a week. Because if we could meet once a week, I think we would discover that our struggles are very similar. Even though we live in different circumstances and have unique families, our struggles are common struggles.

I received an email from “Anonymous” tonight. She writes:

“I am not sure I want to be a parent some days, much less homeschool. I am very confused…after talking to one mom I want to homeschool, then after talking to one mom I want to do public school again. I am trying to teach my kids using Abeka, but I got very far behind and now am overwhelmed at how much they have missed. I think they are too far behind to be put into public school. I feel horrible that my 5 year old is missing kindergarten and making regular friends. We belong to a church group that meets on Thursdays. It isn’t the same as everyday friends. I am at the end of my rope. Confused, not knowing the right thing to do. I have been praying but don’t see an answer.”

You know, sometimes, I wish there was a giant coffee shop where we could all meet once a week. Because if we could meet once a week, I think we would discover that our struggles are very similar. Even though we live in different circumstances and have unique families, our struggles are common struggles.

Motherhood is challenging. Homeschooling adds a new level to that challenge. I’d love to tell you that there are “5 Easy Steps” to homeschooling or “5 Ways to KNOW” you’ve made the right decision, but there aren’t. However, I can tell you a few things that the Lord has been patiently teaching me over 22 years of parenting. Here are a few of them:

—My family does NOT have to look like ANYONE ELSE’S family. Period. Not in curriculum. Not in parenting. Not in style of dress. Not in the way we eat. We were a unique family. This realization has brought me much freedom—and it is a constant reminder to me of the need I have to be on my knees before the Lord in prayer.

It’s a daily surrender. Sometimes, I must wait for an answer. It rarely comes quickly.

—Whenever I feel “horrible” about a social situation (for example, I might wonder about my children missing out on ‘regular’ school or missing out on a movie that another of their peers was allowed to watch), then it is a sure sign that I am being motivated by guilt rather than being led by the Spirit.

Yes, we need to change our minds sometimes.  But more often than not, this “mommy guilt” is simply unnecessary emotional tyranny. Whenever I am not nourishing my spirit, I open myself up it. Busy mom, give yourself time to think and pray when you feel this tug. Often, a conversation with your husband and time with the Lord will give you the peace you are seeking.

—Curriculum can be a terrible task-master. By this, I mean that if our curriculum is pushing us so hard that we can’t enjoy the learning process, it’s probably time to find another curriculum, or seek to modify the one we are using.  Some moms flourish under curricula like the one you mention. Others have found that a different approach suits them better. Be open to a new approach.

Remember, you’re never as “far behind” as you think you are.  Breathe. Your worst day of teaching  at home is likely better than you judge it to be.  Your investment will go farther than you think it will. It will have an impact for eternity.  So slow down. Build relationships with your children, especially while they are young. It is foundational to who they are going to become.

—Homeschooling should not make you an island.  Find a homeschool co-op or support group. If your church does not have a support system for you, consider finding one that does. We NEED each other. Period. Find your people.

—The growing years are short. Five-year-olds need their mom more than they need a social network. I’m not suggesting that they don’t need friends; far from it! Rather, I’m suggesting that YOU need friends, too. Find moms who have children of similar ages. Plan play dates and go to the library and zoo together.  This will give you and your child a social outlet.

Finally, plant with the harvest in mind.  What do you want to see in your adult children? I know it’s hard to imagine at this stage, but in just a few short years, if you persevere, you will be encouraging a mom who is where you are right now.

I know. I was that mom.

The best homeschooling advice I ever received from another mom had very little to do with an action. It was about an attitude.  She encouraged me to be confident in who God has called me to be.  

So let me encourage you: Be real. Love your kids. Teach them. Be flexible. Be honest. Find support. Trust that the results of the investment you are making will be worth the sacrifice.  And then, commit yourself to becoming the wife and mother you were created to be.

Be encouraged! You can do it. You’ve already been equipped.

In Psalm 16, verse 8, David writes, “I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”

This is the key. If you know that God has called you to homeschool your children, then He has already equipped you for the job. Don’t be shaken. Keep trusting. You’re His, and He’ll never let you go.

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight