Tag Archives: enduring challenges

Finding Purpose in Pain

Faith, ,

This life can be so hard.

I remember sitting with a precious woman who had a 2nd trimester abortion in 1974.

We cried together as she shared about her ongoing battle with grief and regret. She still grieves for her baby—and for all the babies who have been horrendously taken from the safety of their mother’s wombs since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in 1973.

As she walks out her story, she is finding hope, healing, and forgiveness—but still. It hurts.

Long after the abortion, memories linger.  Like all of us who struggle with the consequences of sinful choices, the temptation to suffer in silence is great. Satan whispers, “You are beyond God’s reach.” Don’t believe it. Nothing is beyond His reach.

God wants your life to sing of His faithfulness and redemption. Redeemed people allow their souls to breathe in God’s inner healing and allow His spirit meets us in the midst of our pain.

I remember another night, Jay and I had dinner with a dear couple who were nearing the end of watching their precious father succumb to Alzheimer’s. Tears flowed as we prayed for God’s peace to flood their hearts and home.

That same evening, I received the news that an amazing young husband had lost his battle with brain cancer. Even in their suffering, his family shared their story. They wrote on Facebook about what it’s like to feel God’s presence in ways they never dreamed. Reading their story reminded me again that this world is not our home. It encouraged me to keep walking. Keep praying. Keep trusting.

Trusting God when things are going well is one thing—trusting Him when things are hard is another.

As a woman who has experienced great suffering, I can tell you that my suffering has become my sermon. Why? Because like the people whose stories I shared briefly about here, I have learned that God uses even, no—especially in suffering to bring about His purposes.

No one can minister to a woman who is considering abortion like a woman who lives with the regret of choosing one herself. I can’t touch the heart of that mom who is losing her husband to cancer like a woman who has walked that road and found God in the midst of her suffering. The woman who has been abused knows how to intercede for a victim of abuse in a significant way.

There is power in the testimony of those who walk through suffering and use it to bring glory to the One who holds all things in His hands.

We may not be immune to suffering, but we do not need to fear it, either.

We do not need to be afraid, because we know that God’s heart toward us is always, ever, only good. Listen to these words from David:

GOD is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8-11 MSG)

As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is His love for those who fear Him. That’s our God. He does not waste anything. No bad decision, no illness, no suffering. He uses it all.

Your pain has a purpose. It is to glorify God.

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory”
(Psalm 50:15 NLT).

I promise you—when I sit with a woman who is crippled by anxiety and plagued by nightmares from her past, God is getting glory. Why? Because I found God in the midst of my own struggle. He was there—and His redemptive work in my life has become my life-song.

Does this make our suffering easy? No. But knowing that God is at work behind the scenes brings purpose to pain. God will use whatever He wants to show off His glory: heaven and earth. Nations and presidents. Broken people.

Broken people? Hey wait! That’s me! It makes my heart come alive with hope to know that God wants to use even my pain and struggle. On the days when you don’t have the strength to fight, remember this: God is at work.

You’re beautiful to the One who made you. You were made to sing a song of the redeemed.

You are more than what is hurting you. You belong to God—and He is making all things new.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
(Isaiah 40:31 NIV)

Breathing in His grace with you,
Heidi St. John

Jesus cares. He knows and loves… you.

Faith,

I was at the beach last week, and made a point each day to get out (before the little people awoke) for some time with my sweet Jesus. Nature has a way of calming my spirit and pointing me to my Creator, and this particular morning was no different.

I sat that morning just amazed with the good things He given our family, good things that have often been hard at the start – things we didn’t know to ask for, but He knew we needed.

jesus-loves-you

While we were at the beach, we had a chance to send money with a family member to provide months of food for the family of our sponsored Belizean child.  This took such a small sacrifice on our part for such a great reward for his family!  We have the opportunity to take a distant role in watching a little boy grow, learn about forgiveness and Jesus and eternity and have an chance at a better life – an opportunity to change generations. What a blessing for our children!

While we were there, a friend messaged me and we had an opportunity to take in a puppy – the breed I knew we wanted next.  I wasn’t so sure we were ready for a puppy, but my friend said, “Sometimes God’s blessings take a lot of work.”  I let that percolate for a while and realized she’s right.  Sometimes things that are really good for us in the long run take a lot of effort, effort that will shape the character of us and our children.

He’s given us a gift of some time at the beach for a chance to rest and create family memories that patch some holes worn by years of my husband’s health needs.

I sat there that morning and soaked in the knowledge that My Creator – not just any creator, but my creator! – created this water, every grain of sand, every minnow, every person walking by!  Yet he knows my heart and knows what I need to become more like Him.  He knows I need to make sacrifices to provide for others.  He knows we need the hard work and joy of a puppy for the relationship and comfort that a dog offers to my animal-loving children.  He knows I need to rest and make memories with my family, and He knows the holes worn by years of struggle. He used His people to write His heart in this book so I can know Him more and learn how much He cares about me.  Jesus loves me. The all powerful, omnipotent, unfailing creator of the universe loves me, cares about me and knows what I need.

And you.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:25-26 (NIV)

He loves you too.

Tears in My Crockpot

Faith, , ,

My morning was hijacked by a FB post. I found out that lead could be leaching from my Crock Pot and contaminating my carefully planned meals.  I couldn’t be sure whether or not said Crock Pot might, in fact, be poisoning my entire family, but I spent most of the morning gripped with fear.

So while I was working hard to purchase wholesome, preferably organic food, all my efforts may very well have been voided completely by a malicious Crock Pot.

Welcome to the 21st century.  It’s a roller coaster ride of mad efforts to stay ahead of the latest information: are cell phones killing our brains and giving us cancer?  Does technology make us more or less smart? Are my kids getting the right food, exercise, sleep, stimulation, friends, teachers, education?  Is my marriage all it’s supposed to be? Am I really a good mom?  Are the candidates really who they say they are?  Who is lying? Who is telling the truth?  And just when we think we MIGHT have a few answers, the rug is pulled out from underneath us.

It’s enough to make a grown woman cry.  And I have. Again and again.

You see, in the midst of all this mayhem…all this pain of life, what our souls are really crying out for are peace and rest.   We NEED peace and we NEED rest.

So as I remind myself to breathe (because, yes, sometimes I forget to do that) and I let the tears flow, I realize this is not my home.  I was made for so much more. WE were made for so much more.

And we will only know peace when we take the time to sit at the feet of Jesus and just be quiet. We need to feel his hand brushing the tears away and whispering words of comfort…”Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you REST… Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find REST for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Jesus said,”In the world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33  He never said it would be easy, but He did promise that He would be right there in us to help us rest and trust and to show us what to do next.

The problem is that we tend to borrow trouble.  God told us in Matthew  6:19-34that we should not worry about tomorrow because it would be too much for us.  Instead He reassures us that He values us more than we know and that HE will take care of us.

Mom, you are precious to Him.  Your families are precious to Him.  Never stop knowing and believing that He is GOOD and that He LOVES you.  He has your best interest in mind and promises in Romans 8:28 that if you are called according to His purposes,  He WILL work everything out for your good and His glory.

And so that morning I shed tears over my Crock Pot, I prayed.  I named that lie that the enemy was trying desperately to get me to believe and I declared out loud that HE IS GOOD.  I asked God to protect our family, give us wisdom and I told Him that I trusted Him.

I found out later that my Crock Pot isn’t out to kill us.  But I can tell you that the enemy IS.  God says that the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly!  Put on your armor, moms, and fight the good fight!  He is good and He is ON YOUR SIDE!

How to Hang On to the Knot at the End of Your Rope

Faith, Homemaking, , , , , ,

You’ve heard the old saying, I’m sure:

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

It’s a great visual, isn’t it? But here’s my question, “What do you do next?” I mean you can’t just hang there at the end of your rope, holding on to a knot forever, can you?

I recently found myself nearing the end of my own rope. Living life as a  a wife, mom, and homeschool teacher, who also works from home, blogs, attempts to love my neighbor, and suffers with chronic pain . . well, it all just took it’s toll on me. There were days when I literally felt like a knot was not going to be big enough for me to hang on to. Have you ever had that kind of anxiety, where you feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, and one small breeze is going to knock you over it. That was me.

Something had to change. Actually some thingS had to change. But I had to begin, and I quickly discovered that figuring out where to begin was the hardest part. The following are the steps I took, and if you, too, are finding yourself at the end of your rope, or standing on the edge of a cliff trying to keep the wind at bay, I hope you will find hope and useful action steps here.

Evaluate

You may need to write this stuff down in order to really see the big picture, but begin evaluating your life.

  • Where are you spending your time? Be honest with yourself.
  • What is the focus of most of your energy?
  • Whose needs are you expected to meet on a daily or weekly basis. Are you doing so?
  • Why are you over-committed?

It didn’t take me long to figure out that I was spending much more time and energy on projects outside of my responsibilities as a wife and homeschool mom, than I should be. While I was serving my clients and readers well, I was doing a poor job of serving my family. The house was a mess, not enough homeschooling was getting done, we were eating more take-out than home-cooked meals, and I was not sleeping enough. This upside-down way of living will cause tremendous stress, not only because you will not have enough time in your days, but also because it will cause your relationships to suffer. Not to mention the exhaustion. Eventually, the lack of sleep will catch up with you. It did with me. And as a middle-aged woman living with auto-immune disease, this is probably the part that was tipping me over the edge the most.

The cause of your upside-down living might be different than mine. Perhaps you’re spending too much time serving your church (you can do that, really) or your community. Maybe you’re allowing friends or neighbors to take advantage of your time because you have a hard time saying, “no.” After all, you’re just a stay-at-home-mom, right? You have all the time in the world!

Whatever it is, write it all down. Be honest with yourself.

Eliminate

Begin eliminating what you can, as soon as you can. I was in a position with my main work client where I needed to finish out a project for a few months before I could step out. There were a few smaller jobs I could drop much sooner though, and I did. Right away, I began turning down new offers.

Purpose yourself right now to begin saying “no” to anything that does not benefit your main goal — for me that was serving my family better and getting more rest. Within a couple of weeks of finally getting to a good place, I was offered 3 more jobs. These were great opportunities that the old me would have jumped at. But I was firm in my resolve, and today, there are no regrets for saying, “no.”

Equip

When you have been accustomed to living at breakneck speed for a long time, and then find yourself with time on your hands again, it will be easy to slip back into old habits. Equip yourself now to prevent that from happening. Here are a few things you can do:

  • Purpose to put first things first.
  • Practice saying, “no.”
  • Pray before saying “yes” to any new opportunities.

Enjoy

If you’re hanging from a knot, then chances are you have not been enjoying life much. It is not as easy to slow down as one might think. You will suddenly feel as though you are wasting time by not filling every minute with some kind of purposeful activity. You’re not. Take time to begin enjoying life again. Spend time with your family, see a movie, go to the park, bake cookies. Seriously . . . these were things I struggled to find time for. I could not even take a vacation with my family without either working double time before and after, or working from the hotel room at night. It was crazy. Everyone needs down time. Don’t feel guilty about taking some for yourself.

It’s been a few months since I made some major changes in how I’m spending my time and how I serve my family. I still have work to do, but there has been much progress.

How are you doing, busy mom? Are you hanging on to a knot, trying to figure out what to do next? Take heart. There is a way out. Trust me . . . if I can find it, you can do.

Are You Waiting for Spring?

Faith, , ,

waiting-for-spring

I’m sitting on my porch this morning, drinking a cup of coffee.  I’m wrapped in a blanket, and it’s breezy.  But, the signs are there, in the slightest little ways.  My little girl just brought me flowers she found by the pond.  There are birds chirping and pecking for bugs in my backyard.  The sun is warmer on my face than it has been in recent days.  And it does something to my heart.  It feels like hope. I can feel it coming, days playing outside with my little ones; the relief from months of being inside, missing activities because of one more sickness passing through.  Does it ever feel this way to you?

This spring comes at a unique time for our family as I have been on bedrest awaiting the arrival of our littlest since shortly before Christmas.  It has been a long season.  In more ways than just the weather, it has been a winter of sorts here.  It has felt dark, hard, and confining.  There has been grace in so many ways, and I am so grateful for it! But it has still been hard for our whole family.  It has been a day after day trudging through, anxiously waiting for the day when the burden is lifted, when the sun breaks through the clouds.  My son captured it well this afternoon as we were chatting and he told me “It’s just going to be great Mom.  She’s going to make all our lives better when she’s here.”  Yes she will little man, yes she will.

I’m so grateful to live in an area with seasons.  The shifting, inevitable change.  His hand over all of it is palpable.  There is no way for me to imagine that any of it happens without His control.  A beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman captures it so well as he sings

“Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground: there’s something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we’ve been hoping and longing for soon will appear”

Is your heart anxiously awaiting spring?  Physically or metaphorically?  Know that He brings it.  And nothing on this earth can stop His hand when He declares its’ impending arrival.

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

Faith, , ,

 

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

I hung up the phone and looked into my husband’s expectant eyes.

“She’s not coming.” I whispered.

He sighed with unspoken understanding and continued with what ever task he was attending to.  I can’t remember what it was.

My heart ached and tears threatened, but taking a deep breath, I continued to wrap the multitudes of gifts piled high on the floor in front of me.

Our adult daughter would not be joining us for the holidays.  The reason why is a long story, but suffice to say that it made this mama want to cry.

My husband and I have been walking down this parenting a prodigal path for some time now and although there are days when my heart aches and I want to cry (and do!) we have learned so much about the faithfulness of God.

If you’re going through a season of trial like us, I have few words of hope for you.  And if you’re not going through trying times now, bookmark this page because it’s probably around the corner.

“Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”  2 Timothy 3:12

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

Don’t Hide:  It’s kind of sad to say that, as Christians, we fear the judgement of other Christians.  Honestly though, God created the church for just such a time as this.  Prayerfully consider who to invite into your prayer circle.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood.  We need corporate prayer!

Don’t Make it About You:  It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-centeredness, focusing on our own pain and suffering.  There is a time for that to be sure, but ultimately a focus on self isn’t the answer.  It’s not about you!  God allows difficulties in our lives to refine us, right?  Allow God to work in you and share that with others!  There is a sweet peace in glorifying God through trials.

Don’t Seek Worldly Wisdom:  Although there is much wisdom in godly counsel from pastors, family and friends, ultimately it is God who holds the answers for your unique situation.  Remember, God is not surprised by anything that you are going through.  He wants to guide you and has an unending supply of wisdom for all who ask.

Don’t Ask Why:  While you’re seeking God’s wisdom for your situation, try asking God ‘What?’ rather than ‘Why?’.  Ask God what it is that He is trying to teach you and your family.  Likely, the ‘why’ to your situation is beyond your understanding any way.  Rest, knowing that God is working this all for the good and seek to grow through your situation.

Don’t Give Up:  This is not an easy path, Sweet Mama. There have been times that I’ve been angry with God, arrogantly rejecting His peace and demanding change.  Boy, am I thankful for grace!  Don’t give up.  God is faithful to complete the works that He began in you and your family – works that have been ordained since before time began.

When your heart feels like it will break and nothing makes sense, it can seem impossible to do as James said and ‘consider it all joy when you encounter trials’.  Be encouraged by what Paul, who was well-familiar with suffering, said in Romans 12:12, ‘rejoice in hope‘.  We can rejoice during trials because we have hope – hope in an all-powerful, all-knowing, loving God.

Won’t you trust Him today?

Homeschooling Mom, Are You Ready to Run into the Roar?

Homeschooling

 

TBM Homeschooling Mom Are You Ready to Run into the Roar

Have you heard of Martin Rooney? If not, let me introduce you to him! He’s the founder of Training for Warriors. According to the Training for Warriors website, TFW is “a fitness program that was originally created for some of the best athletes in the world.” Over the last 15 years, it’s been recognized that the TFW training methods can be great for anyone who wants to lose fat, build muscle, and feel good.” (If you’re interested in reading more about TFW, you can do that on their website.)

Besides creating TFW, Martin Rooney is an amazing motivational speaker! When I listen to him give a presentation, it makes me want to work hard and reach my goals! One of the motivational stories he tells is about running “Into the Roar.” Here’s what it means (as summarized by me):

Female lions are the main hunters. When they are hunting gazelles, they run after them and cause them to form into a group or a herd. Then they run them in the direction of the male lions—whose only job is to roar loudly to cause the gazelles to run back toward the female lions who are waiting to kill them! The moral is that the gazelles who actually live are the ones who run “into the roar.” They are the ones who, though the male lions sound scary, choose to be brave and run toward them and, therefore, away from the real danger.

Martin Rooney’s point is that we often have to run “into the roar” in our own lives. It may be easier and more comfortable to run away from the things that are hard for us, but if we choose instead to run into the roar, we will live and thrive! We will reach our goals. We will get in better shape, learn more, eat healthier, better teach and train our children, or reach whatever other goals we’ve set for ourselves.

It may seem scary to run into the roar. It won’t be something we’re comfortable doing. It won’t be something we necessarily want to do. But if we do it, we’ll be glad we did in the end!

Are there areas in your life where you need to run into the roar? Is there a goal you’ve been wanting to reach but just haven’t quite had the courage to go for it yet? Don’t wait for the new year or for more time or more money or whatever else it is that you’ve been waiting for! Instead, run into the roar right now and make the first step toward reaching your goal!

In my case, my goals for this school year are:

  1. to get my 8th grader doing her school work independently
  2. to make sure my son—a senior this year—finishes well and is prepared for college or work
  3. to do better about making sure dinner is ready every evening so we don’t have to eat out and aren’t tempted to eat junk food
  4. to get in better shape

I have plenty of reasons (excuses?!) why I haven’t reached these goals sooner, but I decided to run into the roar and work toward these goals anyway. Instead of telling myself all of the reasons why I can’t do these things, I decided to look for reasons and ways that I can.

Just about 5 months ago, I made the decision to run into the roar and reach these goals, and I’m happy to say that I’ve made progress in all of the areas I listed. I can’t say that I’ve reached my goals yet, but I’m definitely on my way.

There have been times that I’ve felt discouraged or taken a step backward toward the “danger” of settling for less than what’s best. There have been a few times that I’ve wondered if all of the work involved in reaching these goals is really worth it. There have been times that I’ve thought about quitting because of the work it requires to reach my goals. But then I’ve reminded myself that running into the roar is what’s best for my family and for me. It’s what will help my reach my goals and set a good example for my family to follow. It’s what will make me feel better and be more successful. And it’s what I’m going to do.

Running into the roar isn’t the easy way, but it’s the best way! It’s the way that will cause you to finish well.

What about you? Are there goals you’ve been putting off because you just don’t think you can reach them? Are you ready to run into the roar? If you’re ready to go for it, please leave a comment here so we can pray for you!

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Click here to see Martin Rooney’s explanation of running “Into the Roar.”