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Time for Mom to Stay Sane During the Holidays

Time For Mom Holidays

The stores are alive with the glittery, sparkly beacons of Christmas. Carols hum through the speakers, adding a jolly skip to the step of the shoppers. Can you feel it? “Holiday” is in the air.

I love this time of year–deeply. At the same time, the busier calendar and the growing “To Do” list can easily weigh me down and suck the joy – and the meaning – out of the holidays. I love this time of year so much, sometimes I overextend myself.

Meanwhile, bickering children hyped up on on sugar and Christmas Anticipation, can “ruin” my perfectly planned Intentional Moments and Special Memories. Low on time and patience, I soon find myself frustrated and bitter over ruined plans.

If I don’t watch my back, and my time, “tis the season to be jolly” can turn into “tis the reason to be grumpy.” It’s not pretty.

In the middle of my to and fro and bicker and grump, I sometimes wonder if I’m doing it right. Am I missing something?

Here’s the thing we have to remember, Sweet Moms–there is no one “right” way. There is only “as the Lord leads us each to do.” As long as we are following God’s lead and giving Him our very best, then we are doing this right.

God didn’t choose Elizabeth to be the mother of John the Baptist because she was perfect. God didn’t choose Mary to be the mother of our Savior because she was sinless. But God did use these righteous and obedient women for His Glory. Most importantly, it was GOD at work in their hearts that enabled them to be righteous and obedient – not something they inherently contained within themselves already.

We may not be an Elizabeth or a Mary, but God uses us, too. We are raising and growing children for God, too. He takes our obedient and willing hearts and enables us to go and do and serve. If we seek His will for our days, our calendars, our holiday seasons, and our memorable moments, He will lead us to make wise decisions and give us the patience and grace we need for the stressful moments. In Christ’s strength – not my own.

I have noticed that, as usual, time is key.

When I am low on time, when I am running late, when I am overbooked – the time crunch leads to stress and craziness.

When I spend my time on the wrong sorts of things, make unwise decisions, procrastinate or waste time – I feel overwhelmed.

When I let the busy schedule take the time I’m supposed to spend with God, when I forget to stop and seek His will for my day and His presence in my activities – I feel like I’m failing. One stressed out Crazy Mom.

Three Tips To Stay Sane During the Holidays

  1. Don’t fill up the calendar.
  2. Don’t focus on the “stuff.”
  3. Spend Time With God

Fill up with prayer and The Word before you give and give and find yourself running on empty. Seek His will and His wisdom when choosing which activities to join and which to forego this season so that you leave plenty of room in your calendar. Remember that neither getting it “right,” nor having a great holiday season with your family, nor serving God and glorying Him is measured by the “stuff.”

It doesn’t matter if you forget to do a Christmas craft, if you have to separate squabbling kids in the middle of an Advent reading, if you have many presents under the tree or if you have great decorations. What matters is the time. The time we spend with our family, our kids, and serving others. And yes, taking time for ourselves, time to refuel and refocus and reorient.

Yes, time is, indeed, a very key factor.

This holiday season, let’s make sure that we make enough time for ourselves that we don’t go crazy, shall we?

Image Source Credit: Christmas Table by Petr Kratochvil

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Balance for Busy Moms

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Have you ever heard the saying that wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also?

Today, I want to talk to you about a different kind of treasure. I want us to look at the treasure that is sought by the choices that we make. Did you know that your choices reveal what you love the most? It’s true. And in marriage, the same thing can be said.

In Colossians 3:23-24, it says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”  As Christians, all our work is done on the behalf of Christ, right? But, if you look back at verse 17, you will see a parallel verse (meaning it says essentially the same thing.) It says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”

So what does this have to do with balance?  First, we need to work to please God, not others.  Second, and it may not seem obvious at first, but if you read from verse 17  back down to that parallel verse, verse 23, you will see something that stood out to me:  I noticed that all of the verses in between 17 and 23 talk about the importance of relationships. Those verses are all about healthy family relationships: wives and husbands are supposed to be in loving relationships with each other; we read that fathers are not to exasperate their children.  God’s Word is telling us that good works situations and healthy family situations go hand in hand.

This takes prioritizing and balancing.  Sometimes, good things rob us of the best things.

Some of you are struggling in your marriages because you haven’t had time to spend with your husband.  Life has been too busy, too chaotic and too stressful.  As a result, you’ve been struggling to find time (or even just desire) for intimacy or just finding time to relax together. Maybe you’re exhausted at the end of the day. Believe me, when I tell you that I get that.

Most of the time, finding balance means letting go what those things that are causing the most stress.  Of course, we can’t always do that!  Sometimes, my kids are causing me the most stress!  Here’s the thing. If my kids are causing me stress, I can almost always trace it back to something in my life that’s out of whack. Either I’ve been neglecting them by not disciplining them when it’s appropriate (and their behavior is showing that lack of discipline) or I’ve simply spent time that I could spend with them on lesser important (but also good) things.  When this happens, they’ll do almost anything to get my attention.  Even misbehave.

Balance is not an easy thing to figure out.  If you’re looking for a place to start, start with relationships. God says over and over again that relationships are important. In fact, we know that God loved the world so much that He sent His son to die for us while we are still sinners, Christ died for us. So we need to recognize the importance of relationships.

As I’ve said before, I believe that for married women who are also mothers, the answer to finding balance at home lies in recognizing the importance of nurturing our marriages first.  Start with your marriage. Healthy marriages are a key component to healthy children.

At the end of the day, it’s usually the “good things” that hang us up.  I’ve learned that I need to be intentional in saying “no” to some things even though they’re good.  For example, we might need to say no to that extra curricular activity.  Maybe it’s not wise to do a Bible study this season, even though it would be great and we know it would be a good thing for us. Sometimes we let go of a good thing, so we can gain a better thing.

If you’re struggling to find balance in your life, I want to encourage you today to say “no” to those things that are hindering relationships in your home. Maybe, if you say no to something, you can say yes to something more important, like “yes” to dinner out with your husband, “yes” to going to bed early, “yes” having a date with your husband.  You know, the best thing you can do for your children is to have a strong and healthy marriage. To focus on anything else would be doing your children a disservice.

 You can find balance between work and family. Not every family is going to have an ideal situation, but as the mom, you are the one who largely determines what that balance is for your family.

Take some time to sit down with your husband and collaborate together. If you’re a single mom, find a quiet moment and reevaluate what really matters.  Pare down what needs to be pared down. Breathe.  Then, whatever you do, work heartily for God and not for men.

That’s where peace and balance can be found.  Somewhere between diapers and diplomas—it’s there.  We just have to keep at it.

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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

What is the Goal of Education?

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Have you ever wondered why education is such a big deal? Today I’m going to take you to a small verse in Luke that has implications as to why and how we educate our children. Luke 6:40 says, “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.” Wow, that’s powerful stuff.

Do you remember when you were in school? Most of us were not homeschooled ourselves.  We attended school away from home where we were discipled by (that’s right) our teacher. We don’t often think of education this way, but by the end of the day, education is all about discipleship.

Jay and I have been saying this for years as we’ve been speaking around the country.  We did not realize the depth in the spiritual battle in the field of education until we got involved in ministering to homeschooling families.  I believe it is because education is much more important than we often realize! We are talking about the hearts and minds of the next generation of children. The Bible says in Luke 6:40 that when a child is fully trained, he will be like his teacher.

Now, is this condemnation to those who’ve chosen not to homeschool? Absolutely not, but it is a reminder that it matters who teaches your children. You see, discipleship is the goal of education. Christian homeschooling should not only be about teaching the ABC’s. Yes, academics are an essential component in homeschooling, but the foundation and power of homeschooling is found in the quiet resolve of two parents who are committed to teach their children to be fully devoted, mature followers of Jesus Christ. That comes first.

Now, can you do that without homeschooling your kids? Yes, I believe you can and we’ve seen parents do it successfully. But, the neat thing my husband and I realized about homeschooling our children is that the amount of time it gives us to disciple our children is second to none. Homeschooling has given us time with them that would have otherwise been given to a teacher, or a school system.

Understanding this is a crucial component of success in homeschooling. It is the key that unlocks the door to longevity in home education. The truth is, the best schedule and most efficient run home won’t keep you from burning out if you don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing.

So, let me just ask you, busy mom, why are you raising your children? What is your goal for raising children? Most moms I know wouldn’t take on homeschooling in a million years without a driven desire. So, what’s driving you?

The answer to this question is going to define the education journey of your family. If you choose to homeschool your children, keeping the heart of homeschooling alive with the desire to impart wisdom, not just knowledge, to your children will help keep you going on the days when you wonder what in the world you got yourself into.

Once you truly know what education is about and decide why you are doing what you’re doing, you can begin to make a plan that will help you make the most of the homeschooling years, one moment at a time.

Part of the reason why I have been talking about legalism for the last couple of days, it is to remind parents how important it is for us to love each other. We should love each other regardless of the education choices we make for our children.  I wonder, as we wrestle these issues, are we loving each other?

The Bible says they will know we are Christians by our love. I want to encourage you to remember that the goal of education is discipleship.   As we raise our kids, let’s remember that passage in Luke: “When your child is fully trained, he will be like his teacher.”

That’s something to consider as parents—our children will be a lot like us.

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Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Finding Peace in the Chaos of Christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of year!

It is wonderful. I love Christmas. Yet, if I’m not careful, I’ve had many Christmases as a mom where I have been so stressed and overwhelmed that I have missed out on the wonderful part. It takes a lot of intentional focus and redirection for me to have peace in the chaos of Christmas. But, I’m thankful that I’ve learned, after several years mind you, that if I am intentional, the peace is there.

So, how do we find peace in the chaos of Christmas?

Finding Peace in the Chaos of Christmas @thebusymom.com

The biggest thing that helps me to find peace in all the chaos surrounding Christmas is to remind myself of this all-encompassing truth:

Peace is a Person. His name is Jesus.

When I turn my eyes to Jesus, just as the old hymn goes, the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace. Turning my eyes to Him helps my heart to slow down, remember what is important and focus on the real reason we are celebrating.

So, just how to we turn our eyes upon Jesus during this crazy time of year?

  • Just say no. Yes, just say no to MORE than half of the opportunities coming your way this December. I promise, you can do this. If I – a recovering people pleaser – can do it, you can too!
  • Make sure that the activities you DO plan on, are helping you and your children to focus on Him. Choose wisely.
  • Spend time daily with your children in prayer, devotion and reading books that draw you to the CHRIST in Christmas.
  • Serve others. Nothing makes me happier at Christmas time than to see my children doing for OTHERS.
  • Spend quiet evenings with the tree lit, reading the Christmas story together. Sing Christmas carols.
  • Continue that thankful tree you started back in October or November. Not only does it help my children to count their blessings (and not their wish lists,) but it helps me to refocus as well!

If you have done all you can do practically speaking to not have a chaotic December and you still feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, I want to remind you that there is power in the name of Jesus. Call out to Him. Really. I’m not trying to be hokey. In the moments of despair, call out to Him. In the moments of chaos and complete overwhelming stress, call out to Him. Say His Name. There is power, peace and freedom to be found in the name of Jesus.

In closing I want to share one favorite Scripture passage that gives us great insight into finding that elusive peace we so long for!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Busy moms, this Christmas season, I pray that each of us can truly find peace in the person of Jesus this year! This passage in Philippians tells us that PRAYER brings PEACE. Did you catch that? Don’t be anxious, but instead bring it all to God. When you bring it all to God, then THE PEACE OF GOD will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus! This December, let’s make it our aim to spend more time on our knees and less time in the chaos.

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have

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Do you have teenagers in your home? If you do, chances are that you have experienced tension in those teenage years.

The Bible says that our children are like arrows in a mighty warrior. Let’s look at Psalm 127:3-5, it says,

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

I have been talking about parenting for a long time, not because I have it down–I don’t–not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, the older I get and the older my kids get, (now we have a couple of them that are young adults and one of them is married and has a son of her own) I realize how much I really don’t know and how very dependent on the Lord I am.

I worry sometimes when I see so many parents making decisions for their teens in order to keep them “safe” rather than teaching them to depend on the Lord and seek them for themselves. We are not teaching them to develop their own set of internalized Biblical convictions: a set of standards that they derive from the Bible, so that when we are not around them, they are capable of making good, moral, and wise decisions.

We have been talking to parents awhile now about inconsistency in parenthood and consistency in your walk with God. Remember when I talked about the Firmly Planted Bible series that Jay and I wrote for families? The reason why Jay and I wrote those is because we are seeing so many families who are giving their kids rules but they are not directing them to Scripture.  It’s easy to parent our children out of fear and not even realize we’re doing it.

Teenagers, especially, need to understand the boundaries that God has set for us in Scripture. As parents, we have to know God’s word.

I want to encourage you today to spend time with God. Read His Word for yourself. Often times, we do not know how to use the Bible to guide us in matters of everyday living, and our own lack of knowledge is keeping us from teaching our children to live in a Biblically wise way.

It’s easy for me to get tired and neglect my own time with the Lord. Maybe you can relate. If you are parenting your children from a spiritually dry place yourself, remember this: you can’t give them what you don’t have. If you don’t have a walk with the Lord, if you don’t have a clear understanding of God’s Word, or a love for His will, or a clear method of reasoning with Biblical convictions, your children won’t have that either.

We should be teaching our children to love, serve, and follow the Lord, so that they can stay away from the two spectrums that the world defines as religion. There’s a ditch on either side. We always tell our kids; the one ditch is legalism–where everything is bound by law and things done by rote. The other side of that is pervasiveness, where we say, “Well, it doesn’t matter, everyone’s truth is different.”

Both of those are not Biblical boundaries. A true believer decides that the Lord is in charge of his life and willingly lives inside those boundaries, he does not live testing them. Often times we find our children testing them and I’ve noticed some things in the life of our own children, and, frankly, in my own life, that our convictions are based on the truth of God’s word. We must have those convictions in our hearts, and in order for me to impart those to my children, and to do what the Bible says in Deuteronomy, to train my children to love and follow the Lord, I have to be doing that in my own life.

When you think about what the most important thing is you can do for your children, think of it in the context of how you can help them walk with the Lord. I am convinced that it is so important to define the concept of conviction and personal responsibility in our children within the framework of God’s Word.

So, take them back to His Word–over and over again. Don’t simply give them someone else’s sermon on CD.  If they have a question that you don’t have an answer to, it’s okay to say, “You know what? I don’t have the answer to that. But God does. Let’s pray about it.”

Be a place where your kids can be a sounding board and get to know God’s word yourself in a personal way, because you can’t give your kids what you don’t have yourself.

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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

It Can’t Wait: Teaching Our Children About God

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I wonder, as families, are talking about the Lord very often? I mean, really, if I were to ask you if we should be talking about the Lord, you’d answer, “Yes, of course we’re supposed to be talking about the Lord!”  However, when it comes down to it, it’s not as easy as it sounds, is it? It’s easier to put the Lord at the end of our day or at the end of our conversation, if we even remember Him at all.

Sometimes, we only mention His name when we need help. I think this is the common response— we we run to God only in times of crisis or emergency. Certainly, God is there in those times, but I wonder what our families would look like if we ran to Him on a daily basis rather than in times of crisis or struggle.

If you already have your Bible, turn with me to a familiar passage that most of you probably know. It’s in the Old Testament, in the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 6:5-7.  This is what it says:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

A couple of years ago, my husband and I began a writing project called Firmly Planted.   The heart behind this Bible study is to engage the whole family in the study God’s Word.  One book, with activities and engaging questions for all ages. We began this project in response to something that we saw happening within the homeschool community, but as we spoke to our friends outside the homeschool community we began to see that many of us were struggling with the same thing.  We talk a lot about walking with the Lord, but we are not doing anything proactively to teach and train our children in the ways of the Lord.

This may require a sacrifice of time and energy on our part as parents, but one thing is certain:  if we don’t teach our children about God, the world will do it for us. We want our children to know the Lord, we want them to give Him the same place in our families that He holds in the universe. The Bible says that God is the Creator of all things.

So, as you consider your family, take a step back and ask yourself, “Are we studying the Bible as a family? Do my children see me reading the Bible? Do they know that God has a place in our family, that He is the most important part of our family?”

God deserves a place in your family, busy mom, and, you know what? He deserves first place. He deserves to be at the head of the table. Our children need to know that God is real and personal.  They need to know that He loves them and wants to have a relationship with them.

Does this take effort?  Yes, it does.

Someone asked me one time, “How do you make your children love the Bible?”  I had to laugh a little as I remembered all the times that my children had grumbled and complained when we gathered the family for devotions.  They would say things like, “Really mom? Do we HAVE to do that?” I’d like to say that it was perfect, but there were times where arguing was involved. Looking back, I can honestly say that the most important times that I remember with my adult children were when we were reading the Word and God really spoke to them in such a way that they began to see their relationship with Him in a personal way.

Let your kids see that God takes first place in your family. Although God deserves to have priority in the lives of your family members, don’t just do it for Him. Put Him first in your family for the sake of your family and you will find that there is tremendous blessing in walking with God.

My grandpa used to say,

“If you keep God outside of your family, there will be problems inside your family.”

Grandpa was right.  We see this in our culture, too.  Where we remove God, we struggle and suffer.  Walk with God, busy mom. Spend time in His Word with your kids and then see what God will do.

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P.S.  Have you been enjoying these daily devotions in podcast format?  I hope so—because I’m sure enjoying recording them!  Let me know how you’re doing—and feel free to post questions, too!  I hope these daily devotions are helping you get into the Bible on a consistent basis.

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Finding Balance {Part 4} Setting Boundaries

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Have you ever struggled with setting boundaries in your life?

Today, we are on step 4 of the four-part steps of finding balance. Remember, we are using the acrostic word HATS, because of all many HATS we wear as women. Here they are:

  • H- Have right priorities
  • A– Act according to your priorities
  • T– Take the pulse of the relationships in your life    … and finally …
  • S– Set boundaries

I think there should be a verse in the Bible that talks about how every one of us will have struggle with this in their life, everyone is going to have a difficult person they have to deal with, because we are constantly learning (as women, especially) to set boundaries. We need to set boundaries with relationships with the opposite sex; we need to set boundaries with friends and family members that sometimes suck the life out of us I wrote about this a few posts back.  We need to be a NO DRAMA MAMA! That means that we learn to say “no.”

As Christians, we have a sometimes hard time setting boundaries because we want to be godly, we want to be gracious, we want to be good, and we don’t want to say no.

The good news is, while it is hard to set boundaries, you can learn to do it!

Jesus set boundaries, too! There are verses in the Bible that talk about Jesus getting away by Himself to talk with the Lord, and to bring back His spirit into alignment with the Holy Spirit so that He could do what God wanted Him to do. There are many times when Jesus says, “Father, help Me.”

As women, we need the Lord’s help, don’t we?

I love this verse in Proverbs 29:25.  It reminds us to seek God’s will.  If we’re trying to find balance, the place to begin is to listen to God first and not other people. The verse says, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

Mom, love is not always giving people what they want. We see this in Jesus’ life that He often set boundaries. He drove sellers out of the temple, He rebuked the Pharisees’ hypocrisy, He turned away potential followers, and He left the disciples so He could spend time alone with His Father.  If Jesus needed to refresh and come away, surely busy moms need to do the same thing.

We need to set boundaries in our own life. Often times when we forget to use boundaries it leaves us despaired and exhausted, and we look at the end of the day and wonder where did our time go?

Part of setting boundaries in our own life is learning what our own limitations are. When was the last time you asked “What are my limitations?” Knowing our limitations helps us set boundaries. What drives one mom crazy is going to make another mom happy: we are not the same.

I have a dear friend and we’ve been friends for about 25 years, and…she thinks I’m crazy. Mainly because she could never live my life.  She thinks my schedule is crazy, she thinks me having all these children is crazy, and I look at her life and think I could never live her life—after all—it would be so boring!

The reason our friendship works so well is that we get each other. We know that we are different people with different temperaments, and we each have a set of different limitations.  It sounds easy enough, right? But learning to set boundaries according to your limitations and your priorities is a lifelong pursuit for most women I’ve met.

Don’t forget about priorities, either.   Once you have figured out what really matters to you, you can begin to build those boundaries around your priorities, and base your boundaries on what is important in your life.  For example, if having too much on your calendar stresses you out, you’ll struggle in the more important role of taking care of your children the way you want to.  In this case it’s time to let some things on the calendar go or push them to a different season.

Speaking of seasons, remember the tree in Psalm 1? Among other things, it reminds me to bend, not break.  I love the imagery of a tree planted by the streams of water. I can imagine the wind blowing and that tree bending back and forth but it doesn’t break, because its roots go down deep in the soil of God’s Word.  That’s what we want in our own lives—to be so rooted in Christ that our priorities and our boundaries come from Him.

If you’re in a place where you need to make some changes, start today. Take some time, if you haven’t already, to ask yourself those four questions:

What is important to me?

Where am I going?

How do others perceive me?

What are my limitations?

We can constantly feel a pull of wanting to do what other people want us to do, but, in the end, we need to do what God wants us to do.

Are you ready? You’ve got this!

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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages