Tag Archives: priorities

Balance {Part Three} – Relationships Always Come First

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Do you ever wonder how others perceive you?  Are you keeping a finger on the pulse of the most precious relationships in your life?

Today, we are on part 3 of 4-talking about finding balance in your life. I want to direct you to Colossians 3:12-14. It says,

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones (that’s YOU), holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

The “T” in this series that I am doing is for Take the pulse in the relationships in your life. Remember, the H is for have the right priorities and A is for Act accordingly upon those priorities, and now T is for Take the pulse in the relationships in your life.

Moms, relationships always come first. I have said many times, especially to my homeschooling friends, we should never let a math book come between us and our children. The relationship of the child will always be more important than the math lesson. So, relationships always come first. People come before processes, people come before possessions.

It’s so easy in this life to carelessly railroad our way through as we try to get school done for the day or tasks completed that are weighing on us.  We say things that we shouldn’t say. We’re unkind to those who are closest to us. Most moms I know want to set an example for people who are watching.  Let’s be real—and start with those whom we are closest to. It’s often easier to be kind to the man behind the counter at the bank than it is to treat our own family with kindness.

I believe this is because we’re most secure with our closest relationships.  The guy at Walmart doesn’t have to live with me, so he can call the manager over and throw me out of the store if I’m rude to him, right?  Our kids don’t have that option—so it’s easier to show the ugly side of ourselves to them.

We have a choice about how we treat others. Colossians 3 starts with, “Put on then…” I love that! It means we have a choice!  We either put it on, or not. Paul is saying, put it on, as God’s chosen one, a holy and beloved. He is trying to make a point to us!  He’s saying God loves us, and because of God’s great love for us, we can put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another.

I love this one, because it’s the hardest one for me:

“If one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

It makes me wonder, how many times have my children seen me be a person I would not want others to see?  How do I react to them when they sin against me, when they disobey me, when I’m frustrated? It’s easy to lash out and say things that I do not mean, or (let’s be honest) things I do mean them but I should not say.

Are we keeping our finger on the pulse of the relationships at home?

Ask yourself, “How do others perceive me? How do my children  perceive me? How does my husband perceive me? How am I treating my husband?”

As you go about your day today, ask the Lord to put others first in your life; take the pulse of the relationships in your life.

When I was a young girl, I went to an evangelical free church and we used to sing a song called Jesus, Others, and You, some of you might remember it.  The point of that little song was to help us learn to prioritize our relationships.  Jesus comes first, then others, and then ourselves.

We don’t live in a culture that backs that up anymore, but the Bible says that we are loved with an everlasting love.  For the Christian, this means that we not only have the privilege, but also have the responsibility to share that love with the people around us.

We live in a world that is hungry for real relationships. Not online relationships, but the kind that survive missteps and hard times.  Relationships are worth investing in.  Take the pulse of the relationships in your life, moms.

As you work to find balance in your life, remember that relationships always come first. 

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Finding Balance {part two} Acting According to Your Priorities

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I have been talking to you for the last couple of days about priorities and today, we find ourselves in the book of Galatians, in chapter 6 verse 9. I have talked about this verse before, but today I want to give a little spin on it at look at it from a different angle.

Remember the acrostic that we are doing is the word “HATS” and we’re talking about the different hats that we wear as women? The ‘H’ is for ‘Have Right Priorities’ and ‘A’ is for ‘Act According to Your Priorities.’

So, once you determine what your priorities are, you want to act upon them. Don’t sit around, but make steps in the right direction.

Galatians 6:9 says, “We cannot allow ourselves to get tired of living the right way; certainly each one of us will receive everlasting life at the proper time if we don’t give up.”

One of my favorite things to say to moms is “Plant with the harvest in mind.” In other words, as you go about your day, be thinking “What do I want to have accomplished by five o’clock today?” Or, “What should I get done so I feel like this time tomorrow I’ve done something successful?”

Sometimes, it just means sit around and read to your children. Sometimes, it means we need to manage our homes so there is no chaos in the evening or chaos in the morning. Sometimes, it means we need to spend more time with our husband. Once you’ve figured out what your priorities are, you have to take steps to act upon those priorities.

So, the question that you want to ask yourself today is: Where am I going?

A few days ago, I was talking to the Lord about this.

Before my surgery, I was really been feeling burdened, because we had so many things going on in our lives—and we knew that we had some things coming up that are going to take me “off the grid” for a while.   I’ve been worried about those things and have been praying about them.

I really sensed the Lord saying, “You know what? You need to rest in Me.”  Let me tell you, moms,  I have a hard time doing that. And so, I sat down and began to write some things down that I felt that the Lord was prompting me to write.  Wouldn’t you know it?  One of them was just for me to slow down.

Now, some of you may be the opposite of me and need to get up and get moving, yet some of you may be like me who need to slow down and enjoy your children more.

And so, I told one of our kids to go and pick a missionary story because I haven’t read to our kids in a little while. I used to read to them all the time, but now I have adult children and little children and middle children, and, you know, the whole thing. And, I find that those things that I love doing are getting lost somewhere. So, my determination was to act upon my priority, and my priority was to read to my children. So, I developed my own P.O.A. – a plan of action.

I want to encourage you today as you go about your day remember the golden rule of time management.  As you prepare to act upon the priorities that you’ve determined, the golden rule of time management is it’s not time management but ME management.

At the end of the day, you’re the one who determines how you spend your day, busy mom. Ask your children how you’re doing, sit down with your husband, and write out your goals together. And trust the Lord to help you find balance in your life.

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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

4 Keys to Finding Balance {part one}

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Verse: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Have you ever struggled to find balance in your life?  Balance is an elusive thing for many moms, because mothers wear so many hats.  Recently I spoke at a conference in South Carolina and my audience was primarily working moms.  Now, we all know that every mom is a working mom—can I get an amen–but there are many moms who work both inside and outside the home.  It is challenging to try to juggle so many things and to try and please so many different people, isn’t it? From our children to our husbands, employers,  We tend to put an awful lot on ourselves, and the weight of struggling to be “everything to everyone” causes so much heartache and so many difficulties—more than I could have anticipated.

This fact resonates with other moms.  No matter where I’m speaking, I hear the same stories of women trying to wear different hats throughout their day: mother, lover, teacher, chauffeur, coach, cook.

Finding balance while juggling a family, marriage, homeschooling, career, children… it can be overwhelming. It doesn’t have to be. Continue reading →

More Than Lip Service: Authenticity Starts at Home

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Proverbs 25:11 says, “Right words spoken in the right time are like apples of gold in a silver setting.”

Have you ever struggled with controlling your tongue?  I have.  There are times when I think to myself, “I can’t believe I just said that out loud.”  In fact, I’ve been on a personal journey of asking the Lord to really help me in this area for the past several years.  Why?  I hate to admit it, but I cringe when I think of all the thoughtless, and even unkind things I’ve said to my husband and my children over the years. I’ve corrected my husband, interrupted him, spoken over him… (yup, I’m can be just that amazing as a wife and mom.)

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But, praise God! His mercies are new to me every single morning! (And, come to think of it, my husband’s mercies have been new to me every morning as well.) God has given me an opportunity learn from my mistakes and a husband who patiently walks beside me and trusts that I love him, even when I don’t communicate with him as I should.

You see, the Bible tells us that out of the heart, the mouth speaks.  Let me say that again.  Nevermind.  I’ll just share the verse here, as it’s so powerful, we should have it memorized:

Luke 6:45

45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

It’s easy to talk a good talk when we want to, but the Bible is clear: we will be known by the words that we speak.  This was so powerful to me because I want to be known for speaking good things—even when I’m frustrated and even when I see the kids didn’t do what I asked them to.  The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

I don’t know about you, but I’m so weary of finding out that the person I looked up to really is a not who he or she says she is.  It’s easy to be kind and sweet to other moms while our own marriages suffer neglect or worse—fall apart at the seams. It’s easy to be kind to other people’s kids while we show the uglier side of ourselves to our own children.

Let’s commit to being being the real thing, busy moms. Let’s communicate good things to those who are closest to us first.  If we’re not authentic at home, then all we’re really giving God with our lives is lip service. I don’t know about you, but I want to give Him more than lip service.  I want to live and communicate in a way that shows my heart is full of Him, not me.

If you’re struggling in this area, remember, the bottom line of communication is not just using the right style; to get style down and miss the heart of communication is literally giving your marriage and family nothing more than lip service. Our husbands and kids deserve more than this!

Do you realize that your words provide an opportunity for you and for those around you to grow in their walk with God?

Authenticity starts at home.  When we realize that our willingness to minister unconditionally to our family is part of successful family life, then we have found the best place to start.

Let’s give our families the best part of us—and then reach out to a world who is desperately in need of the real thing. It’s more than lip service. Always start at home.  Out of the overflow of the heart—the mouth speaks … at home.

Start there,

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Heidi St John Guide to Romance

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Quiet Times Podcast: Teach Me to Pray

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In the Old Testament, we find that God is in regular conversation with His people. Did you know that conversational prayer entailed the events of the day and seeking God’s will for the future? In these conversations with the Creator, we find the believers seeking to unite His will and the will of the nation with God’s will; God’s people tuned into Him, listening for His direction.

Could you imagine what our country would be like if we were doing that? God’s heart is for us to talk to Him and there are different ways to do that.

There are different ways to pray. I believe that the first step is recognizing our weakness and inability to make anything happen. And the next step is to cry out to the One who is so big that Scripture says He puts His feet on the earth as if it was a footstool. After that, the next step is to enter the gates heaven with thanksgiving and enter His courts with praise, meaning we approach God with a mind and heart that is positioned in humility.

I love Oswald Chambers’ daily devotionals My Utmost for His Highest; it has been a teaching tool for me for years. On the devotional pages for March 30th, he writes, “The reason many of us leave off praying and become hard toward God is because we only have a sentimental interest in prayer.”

It sounds right that we say we pray: we read books on prayer that tell us that prayer is beneficial, that our minds are quieted, and our souls are uplifted when we pray. But Isaiah implies that God is amazed at such thoughts of prayer.

I think it’s appropriate to do something that I normally don’t do, and that is to end in a prayer with you. So, if you have a moment, just bow your head and let’s ask the Lord to help us.

Lord, help me to be patient as I learn to pray. Help me to learn more about Your grace as I wait on You. Lord, may it be in prayer that I gain a deeper understanding of Your character, and the holiness required to see You, and what heaven itself might look like. Who can ascend to Your holy hill?

Your Word says that the one whose walk is blameless, and does what is right, will ascend. It is the one who speaks truth from her heart and has no slander on her tongue.

Oh, Lord, make me holy, even as You are holy.

Time for Mom to Look Fall Fabulous The Busy Mom

Time for Mom to Look Fall Fabulous

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Time for Mom to Look Fall Fabulous The Busy Mom

The clock is ticking as the Mad Scramble to Be On Time (or at least not very late) ensues. Kids are dressed, brushed, buttoned, polished and spit shined when Mom finally throws her hair up in a messy bun, splashes some water on her face and shoos the kids out to the car. Later at church, she catches herself in the bathroom mirror and thinks, “Wow, I really look like a mess.”

Can you relate?

This scenario has played itself out in my house countless times over the past ten years or so. With two little children to ready for church, a new post baby body shape, and clothes which no longer fit right–getting to church or even the grocery store looking half as good as my kids became a serious challenge. And then I had a third one, my boy, and for a while.. all bets were off.

I was being a great mom, spending the time and effort to get my kids dressed and hair fixed, teeth brushed and looking their best. But I wasn’t being a great ME – my wardrobe was a mess, I wasn’t leaving myself enough time, and I looked as “not together” as I felt inside. If you’ve never felt this way, praise the Lord! If this is you, read on sweet mom, there is hope.

Now that my kids are older and responsible for their own appearances, I have been working on my own. What I’ve learned is that I could have made some of these changes years ago. I didn’t have to play the role of Disheveled Mom! And by the way, Disheveled Mom is not a good representative for Great Hubby and Awesome God. Disheveled Mom needs to go! As we move into my favorite all of “fashion seasons”–the Fall–let me share four tips for kicking Disheveled Mom to the curb.

Time For Mom to Look Fall Fabulous

Be Wise With Your Time

Time is the most important factor. First, spend regular time with the Lord — that’s always the first factor. Time spent keeping your house and laundry in order is a close second — when I feel disorganized on the inside I look disorganized on the outside. (And if most of my clothes are dirty, it’s very hard to look put together.) Third, prepare ahead of time by getting your clothes ready the night before. And fourth, don’t underestimate the amount of time it will take to get you and a houseful of kids ready to go somewhere! Leave yourself plenty of time.

Mix and Match Wardrobe Staples

Gather Basic Wardrobe Staples

Make it EASY to get dressed by building a wardrobe base of mix and match staples. My favorite staples in my closet are my black sweater dress, a good pair of straight legged jeans and skinny jeans, a gray knee length skirt, a pair of black leggings, and some black capris. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on these– scour the resale shops and the sales like I did. Never ever buy something you don’t completely like and feel comfortable in. If it’s not quite the right size, shape or shade – skip it!  Build your base of staples as you have the time and money for it, add in a variety of colorful tops, skirts and dresses, and it will be really easy to pull an outfit together without spending a lot of time on it.

organize accessories

Accessorize!

Accessories are my favorite part. In my book, there are three essential fall fashion accessories: boots, scarves, and sweaters. In addition, headbands, hats, fall flats, tights, purses and a great coat are important, too. I love, love, love my gray fall boots and my red patent leather flats, not to mention my teal scarf and my purple purse. Again, you don’t have to spend a lot of money and you don’t want to buy things that aren’t you or that you don’t love. Little by little, add to your accessories and organize them in a way that is easy to see, grab and go. Same with your jewelry. Your goal is to get in and get out.

Quick and Easy Outfits

The Finishing Touches

Something I learned a long time ago is that even a basic ponytail can look “fixed and polished” if you take a few minutes to make it look good. What I’m saying is that your hair doesn’t have to look fancy to look fixed. If I’m running short on time, a clean, brushed ponytail or fresh messy bun is the way to go. I have also learned how to do a basic makeup application in about three minutes – perfect for running to the store or over to a friend’s house. It’s not overdone, but I look like I took the time to care about my appearance, and that’s really all that is important here. Take a few minutes to look like you took that few minutes, and that will go a long, long way.

Black Sweater Dress

Don’t Worry About It

This isn’t about vanity. I’m not promoting getting caught up in self appearance or worrying about how you look. Moms, we aren’t supposed to worry about how we look! There is nothing wrong with looking put together and nice. As we run our errands, visit with friends and go to church…we represent our family, our husbands, and our God! Disheveled Mom does not speak well of them.

Not only that but we also need to take care of ourselves, eat well, get enough sleep, wear clothes that fit, take care of our skin and teeth– I want you to have the tools to do that, and look like you’re doing it. And again, Moms, that biggest tool is time. In the past, I wasn’t taking the TIME to take care of myself. Moms, it’s time to do that. And if you build a smart wardrobe and prepare ahead, it won’t take a lot of time on those busy mornings to look fabulous this fall.

Image Background Source: Single Red Shoe by Vera Kratochvil

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

More Than Making Babies

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Hi moms!

You may have seen my Tuesday post that shed just a little light on the physical battle I’m facing—so the next few podcasts were recorded ahead-of-time.  In fact, I’m hospital right now, and my sweet husband is helping me write this Friday’s post.  My surgery went well, and now I’m trying to get on the road to recovery.  (aka: I’m on drugs.)  🙂

It’s been a rough day—painful for sure but also humbling.  Nothing like needing help just to go the bathroom!  I’m so glad Jay has seen me at my worst. Why?  Because it strengthens us when we walk through deep water together.

The longer I’m married, the more I appreciate the many sacrifices my husband has made for me.  I want so much to bless him!  God designed marriage to be an amazing union between a husband and wife.  In our culture, we’ve lost much of the appreciation and wonder that God gives to the marriage relationship.  Have you ever thought about how much God loves us?  Marriage is a wonderful place to see God’s love for people.

Sex between married people is one example of God’s care for His creation.

Certainly it was within God’s creative ability to make procreation a dull, necessary part of making sure the human race continued.

Genesis 2:24 says “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Did you know that God has given us the ability to enjoy sex for the sake of enjoyment alone? The world seems to have stolen this from the Christian community and so we either hear about it being an awful, wicked thing or we hear about it being something that has absolutely no boundaries on it at all.

But did anyone ever tell you that sex is only for making babies? I hope you realize how far from God’s heart that is. God’s heart is that you enjoy sex with your husband. His design is infinitely more wonderful and loving toward us than we could ever comprehend. I love the imagery, of scripture: the Bible says that the two will become one flesh, ONE FLESH. The language itself suggests intensity, infusion, and pleasure. It also shows that God’s heart in uniting a husband and wife was meant to be this way, on purpose. God wants us to be one flesh.

For this reason, a man shall leave his parents, and they will have babies? Is that what God said? No, He said they will leave their parents and cleave to their spouse and become one flesh.

Sex is about so much more than making babies. I truly believe that God meant for sex to provide us with a respite from the stresses of this world. And a healthy, intimate relationship serves to strengthen the bonds between a husband and wife. Sex gives physical pleasure, and release, and wonder of wonders the most amazing thing we can think of happens through sex: NEW LIFE is created! Every time I think about this amazing gift, I’m speechless.

Be speechless—enjoy married life!
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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages