Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Precious Priority: Family Mealtimes

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Ahhhhhhh—Thanksgiving. It reminds me of a simpler time.

I love Thanksgiving because it’s the one time of year that beckons us home, but without the pressure and expectations of gifts.

The memories without the mayhem, if you will.

I tell my children of my love for Thanksgiving and they remind me that they love mealtime at our house. Not just the fancy meals, either. Their appreciation comes from a certainty that at the end of the day, we’re together. Candles lit. Music playing.

Toddler fussing.

Milk spilling.

Teenagers talking.

Daddy praying.

Mealtime.

We live in a culture that has largely forgotten the power of a shared meal. There is something missing when we rush from one hurried day to the next. We think we’re saving time to rush through the drive-thru again. But really, we’re not saving anything. Days turn to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years.

Where we spend our time is a window into our hearts: it’s an indicator of where our hearts are.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

For me, Thanksgiving is a reminder of how fast my life is going by. Each holiday that passes I know I am another year closer to a quiet house. Mealtimes are markers for me. I think just last year, I had a babe inside me and a preschooler vying for my attention as I muddled my way through learning how to use my slow cooker. Mmmmm. No, that was not last year. That was nearly twenty years ago. Can we really s l o w d o w n?

Mealtimes beckon.

Time is passing. That’s probably the real message my heart receives as I plan Thanksgiving dinner. Again.

I ask myself, “Where are your priorities? What is truly precious in this life?”

And in my heart, I know the answer. The best memories we share will never be found in the drive-thru of life.

The best memories are more of a “sit down” affair. An affair of the heart. An investment. An open-door, company-for-dinner, home cooked investment.

Doesn’t have to be perfect. Mac-n-cheese at the table is just as beautiful to your children as filet mignon 🙂 It’s not about the food. It’s about the priority.

If you’re looking for a place to start making an investment into the heart of your family, the dinner table is a very, very good place to start.

{Broken}

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Broken. It’s the word I use the most when people ask me who I am.

Broken.

I’m a mess, really. Memories linger, but with little time to process them. Laundry abounds. Dinner calls. I’m often short-tempered. I’m often frustrated by things that carry no eternal significance.

I often forget how truly blessed I am.

The Liar is tricky. He whispers “What do you have to offer? Look how broken you are.” And yes I am. I must confess. I often have more questions than answers.

I wonder. Will my children be broken like I am broken? In my heart I know they will. Because, really, we’re all broken. That’s why we need a Savior. We do the best we can, in our brokenness. I have found myself crying out to God as I carry the weight of the “what ifs” in life … and I must daily learn (again) to yield to God what I cannot control.

I make the mistake of scanning Facebook. More things that remind me. We.Are.Broken. I try not to feel overwhelmed. There is much to do. Much that my heart aches for in this broken world.

In my brokenness, I’m learning to see something beautiful. I’m learning that being broken is its own kind of beautiful. Being broken means that I don’t have to struggle with the pain of perfectionism (although I still sometimes do.)

Being broken provides a freedom all it’s own—because there can be no glass houses for broken people. No need to compare brokenness. After all, we are all broken the same. Different kinds of broken—but still broken.

Being broken means I am in need of constant repair—and so I find myself at the feet of the One who heals—again.

There is strength there.

My husband touches my hand. He tells me (again) me how cherished I am.

He reminds me that our children will learn from our brokenness. I love this strong, gentle man. He is a gift. Part of my healing. He tempers me.

I need that. … You too?

Broken people carry a beauty all their own. And broken people who know they have been redeemed—bought with a price—are radiant with a light that transcends the pain of this life.

Very little in this life compares to the beauty the comes from brokenness. The beauty that comes from ashes —is available to me. And you.

As the news plays in the background, and the weight of this life threatens to overwhelm, I claim the gift of brokenness. I claim it to find healing, and peace. I claim it for the one thing I cannot find without being broken. I claim it for grace. I claim it today, again.

Grace.

Grace in my brokenness — healing.

Praise the Lord.

Bad Day

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Monday. Monday Monday Monday. I will confess that I have had a total meltdown already today— it began with the kids bickering over breakfast and got worse from there. For some reason school today was overwhelming. Even the simple problems were frustrating the kids. So I thought I’d get them a snack to lift their spirits (and mine).

I made them all hot chocolate with marshmallows and brought it to the table along with some mixed nuts. I hummed Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” to myself as I measured out the chocolate powder. I surveyed the kitchen. Dishes everywhere. It was only 9:30. …just keep swimming, just keep swimming.I thought hot chocolate would make things turn around. You know, a little chocolate can do wonders, right?! NOT. Within five minutes child A had spilled child B’s hot chocolate all over her school work and clothes. It soaked through the tablecloth into the carpet and into B’s slippers. Child C proceeded to explain why it was all child D’s fault that no one was obeying.You can imagine where it went from there. : Child B is now folding laundry. I didn’t have the willpower to try and resurrect her ruined notebook pages. Child C is learning why it matters to line up columns when multiplying large numbers (yes, I made C do it until it was right), Child A is finding out how hard it is to get hot chocolate out of the carpet and D is now napping.

Sometimes, life is just hard. Homeschooling is hard. If we’re honest, we can encourage and support each other. If we’re not honest, we can easily find ourselves alone in a glass house. I don’t know about you, but I find I am most encouraged when mom tells me she had a bad day but she didn’t give up. 🙂

So that’s my encouragement to you today—if you’re having a tough time, don’t give up! It’s worth it. Even when the hot chocolate spills.

Be encouraged while you mop up the mess,

heidi

Redeeming Our Time

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Redeeming Our Time

(adapted from a 2007 blog post)

{Our oldest daughter, who was 16 when I wrote this, is now a married 21 year old woman. Time flies.}

May, 2007
Time Flies.

The other day, I overheard a “celebrity” being interviewed on TV as I prepared dinner for our family. The questions seemed to center on her public life, and then, one question got my attention.

“If you could only say one thing to young mothers who are raising their children, what would it be?” asked the reporter. The woman thought for just a moment and replied, “Life is not a dress-rehearsal. You only get one shot at raising your kids. Don’t mess it up.”

Her voice cracked slightly, and I heard the familiar sound of missed opportunity in her tone. I wondered why. By all appearances, she had the “perfect” life. Beautiful children, lots of money, handsome husband. I put down my paring knife to focus on the remainder of her short interview. It turned out that she was estranged from two of her children. She lamented the fact that while she was raising her children, she and her husband spent so much time cultivating a “perfect” family, that they did not develop a relationships with their children that would last. It only looked good on the outside. And now, it was too late to start over. The time for raising her children had passed. She could only warn other mothers not to walk down the same path she had gone down. The time for sowing seed had passed. The harvest was in.

It is hard to hear those kinds of words. My heart hurt for this mom. Naturally, I thought of my own children. Our oldest is nearly 16 – and it seemed that it

My husband, dancing with our youngest daughter at our oldest daughter’s wedding in August of 2012

was just yesterday when we were holding her in our arms, in awe of her perfect features and scared to death that we wouldn’t do everything “just right”. I thought of my grandmother, who remarked to me just a few months after grand-daddy died that she was amazed at how fast her life had gone by. Grandma said to me, “Heidi, the best thing you will ever do in this life is to love your husband and to raise your children to love and serve the Lord. Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that having children is anything less than the best thing you’ll ever do.” She should know.

I recently spoke to a group of women in Washington about the blessing of motherhood. It seems odd to me that many Christians have bought into the world’s way of looking at children. It must grieve the heart of God when we think of our children as anything less than a gift straight from the heart of the Creator Himself.

The Bible is full of stories of amazing moms who understood their worth before the Father. God’s word stresses the importance of mothers! In Exodus 2 we read about Jochebed, the mother of Moses. She protected her son, even putting her own life in peril, and then entrusted him to the Lord. Eunice, the mother of Timothy, instructed her son in the knowledge of the scriptures and he went on to write one of the most amazing books in the New Testament. II Tim. 1:3-5; 3:14,15

In the United States today, mothers are under enormous pressure to conform to the world’s view of children. Radical Feminism has devalued motherhood in a quest for “greater meaning” and “true identity”. But God sees things much differently.

God’s view of children is a dramatic departure from the cultural norms of the world we live in.

The world says: “Children are a burden.”
God says, “Children are a blessing.”

The world says, “Try not to have more than two or three children. ”
God says, “Blessed is the man who has many children!”

The world says, “Children get in the way.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to ME.”

The world has diminished the high-calling of motherhood to little more than a “stop-over” on the highway of life.

But God says that a wife of strong character is rare – she is worth far more than jewels! (Prov. 31.10)

If you are a mother, you have an amazing opportunity every day to shape the future. As a homeschooling mom, you have even more time to influence the lives of your precious children. Homeschooling provides endless opportunities to teach your children about God’s love for them! Mom, your job is so important! You have been given the privilege of weaving a fabric of family life using the truth of God’s word to impact the lives of your children… and ultimately this fabric will be a beautiful tapestry that will bear witness to the power and love of the Lord Jesus as your children walk with the One who created them in your womb.

I’m glad I was reminded of the fact that life is not a dress-rehearsal. I’m thankful that my grandmother loves the fact that Jay and I chose to have a family that doesn’t fit the “worlds” mold very easily. The time does pass quickly. Let’s redeem the time God has given us to influence these precious children for the Glory of God. It’s an investment that yields a harvest of joy that will continue into eternity.

Redeem the time you’ve been given,
heidi st. john

Git ‘er Done: 5 Tips for Easier Laundry

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Ahh, the joys of laundry … or not.

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.” – Erma Bombeck

Does the thought of all the laundry you have to do overwhelm and discourage you? If so, you’re not alone. Laundry is one of those things we tend either love or hate!

I used to hate it—but in all honesty, I don’t anymore. I love the smell of clean laundry. And I REALLY like grabbing shirts and dresses out of the dryer before they need to be ironed! Mmmm. Lavender fabric softener is my new guilty pleasure. 🙂 But I won’t tell if you won’t!

No matter how you feel about this age old chore, it’s always good to feel like you’ve got the best of it instead of the other way around. No, really! You can! It’s important. And you don’t need a laundry “room” to be really great at getting a handle of doing laundry. In fact, I devoted a huge part of a chapter to laundry in “The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Daylight” because I honestly believe that if we had a better system, laundry would not be such a chore.

So without further adieu, here are FIVE of my favorite laundry tips! Let me know what your favorite tips are – if they make my next article, I’ll send you a free copy of my book.

{one}

Train your children to do laundry. I’m not kidding! If your child is just three years old he is not too little to start training. A three year old can put laundry in the hamper. She can help you put the clothes into the washing machine.

So often, moms find themselves overwhelmed when a quick glance around the room reveals a much bigger issue: children who could and should be helping simply are not.

Start when they are little. By the age of eight, my kids can run both the washer and the dryer, and they can measure the detergent too. Teens can do their own laundry. Tweens should be helping by folding the baby’s laundry. You get the idea. Put your kids to work! Yes it’s more work for mom initially but the payoff is worth it, and believe me when they move out they will thank you for training them to take care of themselves and others.

{two}

Early and often. Fly Lady says, “A load a day keeps the chaos away”, and I could not agree more.

Around our house, the first load is started first thing in the morning. We often run three loads a day but two for our household of 10 is about average. Two loads a day. Kitchen towels pile up and we do them twice a week. My point is—we are doing a lot of little loads to avoid the massive laundry “day” that is sure to pile up if we don’t.

{three}

Use a system. This cannot be over-emphasized. 🙂 Systems work! And usually, any system is better than no system!

I wrote about our system at length in my book but I can simplify it by saying that in our house, each BEDROOM has it’s own laundry basket. Here’s how it works:

1. Child fills up his or her laundry hamper.

2. Mom or children start a load and run it through.

3. When laundry comes out of the dryer, it is immediately sorted into the basket that corresponds to the room the child is in.

This makes the CHILD responsible for his or her own laundry. It works. BONUS: It forces the child to think about the amount of clothes they throw in the wash each day. 🙂 And I’m ALL for that!

{four}

Think before you buy! In other words—if you have a lot of people in your house, if it wrinkles easily or if it will require extra care, maybe it’s something you should just leave in the store. Yeah. Just say “no” to more work in the laundry room!

{five)

Get caught up. Have a laundry-folding party! In our house, when we get behind (and believe me, it happens) then my solution is to gather the troops, dump all the clothes out on the floor and have a FOLD-FEST.

The last time we needed to do this was … mmmm… two days ago. 🙂 I had been gone and we had about eight loads of laundry that needed to be folded and put away. With my kids helping, we got it all done in just over an hour!

hint: if you need to have a fold-fest, take a washcloth, get it wet and throw it into the dryer with the clothes that are too wrinkly to wear. Give it about ten minutes on medium heat. Voila! No ironing!

Ready to Git ‘er done? Train your kids to help, get a system and get moving! You’ll be glad you did!

It’s A Beautiful Way to Live

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–This is from a blog post I wrote at my old blog, “Confessions of a Homeschool Mom” back in 2006. I thought many of you would enjoy it. Our daughter, Summer is now 9. She doesn’t suck cookie dough off her toes anymore. I’m glad I caught a picture of it.–

“Spencer Jay!”

“Yes, Mama?”

“STOP JUMPING ON THE COUCH!”

“I’m not, mama! The couch is bouncing under me!”

And so it goes.

Yesterday I walked into the kitchen just in time to see my newly-turned-three-year-old enjoying the cookie
dough that she had just stepped in… she was licking it off of her toes! Don’t call the sanitation patrol. I’ve got it covered. Believe me, it won’t help.

Fifteen years ago, I would have freaked out but I just handed her a washcloth (after the picture, or course) … and moved to the next crisis.

At least life is never boring, right? What happened? Oh yeah. That. I remember now! And we rather ENJOY it!

It’s not that I’m complaining because I wish my life were different, because I really don’t!

It’s just that sometimes a girl needs to vent. Ya know? Take this post for example. I started writing it three hours ago. Since I sat down to type a “quick” entry, I’ve changed a poopy diaper (remember she’s just now eating cereal so it’s not the picnic it used to be!) , nursed the baby, wiped a teary-eyed face, handed out peanuts to the neighborhood (at least it felt that way) , located the Bob the Builder Bandaids, checked the pot roast, corrected an essay and
answered the phone at least five times.

Sunday afternoon is supposed to be my “time” to goof around while my kids play quietly… reading every volume of their Little House books and
inventing new theories for determining the speed of madagascar beetles.

Right???

And now I can’t remember what I wanted to say when I sat down to say it three hours ago.

And—it’s a beautiful way to live.

The Ultimate Multi-Tasker

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People often ask me what I would change about homeschooling if I could start over. With two graduates and five more to go, believe me, I think about this question from time to time. It’s good to reflect on the lessons we learn as the years go by.

Believe it or not, the BEST years we have ever had in homeschooling have been the ones where I have felt the least successful. One year, I was on bedrest for months of a pregnancy. My plans for the year evaporated before my eyes and I was left with very few options but to read with the kids and do a “scaled down” version of the program I wanted to use. Very.Scaled.Down.

I was depressed and worried about how well the kids would do at the end of the school year for Washington’s required testing.

That was the year that I truly understood what God meant when He said “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

It was also the year that the kids scored three grade levels above their grade level at the end of the year’s required testing. I think God was trying to show me that this homeschool journey he has called us to is as much about me following Him as it is about educating our kids.

When I do my part, He more than does His. 🙂

If you’re struggling with unexpected challenges this year, don’t let it discourage you. Pare down if you need to, and believe that God will finish what He has started if you’ll just trust Him.

He’s the ultimate multi-tasker.