Tag Archives: large family

A Few Tips to Homeschooling a Wide Age Range

One of the biggest challenges I find with homeschooling is scheduling it all in. Even if we don’t have a super set and outlined schedule, it’s still one of the biggest stressors when it comes to the homeschool year. I want to make sure I fit in everything, but I also want to make sure I’m not overwhelming anyone. I tend to let my kids lead in that realm of things, as far as how much they can do. I set the guide because we do need to cover certain things each year, but beyond that – it’s up to their ability and desire.

We usually end up doing much more than I had planned because my kids are eager learners and love to read. Often times at the beginning of the year I’m shocked at how much we have planned for the year. I believe that our relaxed approach to our schedule is a huge contributing factor to them having such a love of learning.

The next challenge is the wide age range of my children. My eldest is in 8th grade, then the next of my kiddos is in 1st, followed by my little one who is 3. I guess the three-year-old would be considered preschool or toddler school level.

As you can see, we have a pretty big age range. You might have more kids which might mean you have several kids in multiple different grades, more than I do.

So, how do we face head on homeschooling a wide age/grade range?

First things first

See if there is anything you can teach all of the kids together. For instance, if your 8th grader is studying American History, why not have your younger children study American history too? They don’t have to do it at the same intensity or depth as the older one, but they can still do it. Many curriculum options out there offer this flexibility to tailor their curriculum for older and younger students to use at the same time. But if they don’t have that option, you can easily relay the information to your younger one in a manner that they understand.

Next, keep your schedule super simple.

For us, this is essential. And as more of my kids are heading into school age, it’s been a huge life saver for us.

I have a rather untraditional schedule with my kids. It works for us and it helps me teach each of them according to their needs without feeling like I’m overwhelmed, overwhelming them, or missing anything.

My approach: I don’t teach every subject every day! That’s right. We have designated days for our more meaty subjects. This allows us to focus on one topic at a time and allows me to spread myself amongst my kiddos to give them the best attention I can.

So, how does this look you’re wondering?

Let’s say we do Math on Monday, History on Tuesday, Science on Wednesday, Language Arts on Thursday, and Foreign Language on Friday. That’s just a sample of what it could look like. Many wonder – but what about constant practice? What if they forget skills from one week to another until that subject day arrives?

Here’s how we prevent that:

Using the example above, Math would be taught on Monday. We would work through the lessons and then practice with our worksheets. I would work with the older student first and work my way down through the younger ones.

Then Tuesday comes along and we’re on to History, but before we start History we do another Math worksheet. Our math program offers 5 worksheets for each lesson so it happens to work well with our schedule. If that weren’t the case, I would simply create or find worksheets based on Monday’s lesson.

This way, they are refreshing and practicing their newly learned concepts all week, but just with a simple worksheet which takes maybe 5 or 10 minutes. They’ve taken the core of the lesson on Monday – leaving the rest of the week for practice.

Back to Tuesday, when we’re on History. After we do our Math worksheet we do our History lesson and discuss it. We do some map work and really dive in to any discussion questions that we may have. But we don’t just forget about it until next week. On Thursday we would have a brief discussion with my youngest about what we learned on Tuesday and I’ll have my big kiddo write down a paragraph or two. Catering to their capabilities.

This keeps things fresh in their heads, allows for time for it to really soak in for a day or so, and allows for me to see how much they have retained. It’s a super chill approach to learning that we have grown to love.

If this schedule just does not appeal to you, I have another suggestion. We’ve tried this method before and although we liked it, we went back to our one-subject-a-day method.

Work with your older kids first. They are more likely to have work that they do more independently than your younger ones, but may need you to either teach the lesson or at least assign them the lesson for the day should they be working on it independently. When my eldest hit 6th or 7th grade, she did a lot of her work independently and I would just grade her work and discuss it with her after.

Once you’ve finished with your hands-on lesson teaching with your older kiddos, move on to your younger ones. You’ll have the peace of mind that your older kiddos are working on their school work, which allows you time and focus to teach the younger ones.

Encourage independence as soon as they show readiness.

As I mentioned above, my eldest started doing a lot of her work indecently once she hit 6th grade, for sure by 7th grade. How did I know she was ready? It just got to a point where I realized she was ready to take a stronger hold of the reigns and work at her pace. She works much faster this way too. I think my schedule was holding her back a bit.

Total side note: This is something I just adore about homeschooling, my kids can begin to work at a pace that suits their learning needs and style so much sooner than they could in what’s referred to as a traditional school setting. But with homeschooling booming, I think traditional is changing.

Takeaways

Don’t try and teach each of them different subjects at the same time. If your kids are working on two different subjects at the same time, it should be independently. Stretching yourself into different subject directions AND grade directions will cause you to burn out.

Plan your schedule realistically. Don’t try and do every single thing every single day with each kid. It’s just not realistic. I like to think of it this way: in college, do you do every subject every day? Nope! So there is no harm in not doing every subject every day now either.

Work with the older kids first, then work with the younger ones. While you’re working with the older ones have the younger ones work on something like handwriting or maybe give something for them to color. I have a few connect the dots booklets for my younger kiddo. This keeps her busy while I teach her big sister, and helps her practice her numbers!

And finally, encourage your kids to begin working independently as soon as they show readiness. This is beneficial to them and their development. Taking ownership of their work is exciting and encouraging for them!

xoxo, Marlene
A Diligent Heart


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Planning a Family Road Trip? 10 Things You Need to Know Before You Hit the Road

10 Things You Need to Know When Planning a Family Road Trip

In 2009, our family took our first cross-country road trip. Since then, we have logged almost 70,000 miles together as a family, criss-crossing the United States many times.

For our first trip, we purchased a class “C” RV that our daughter found on Craigslist. It was built in 1987 (a good year, since that’s around the time we graduated from high school, right?) and had a low odometer reading of about 30,000 miles. At 27 feet long, it wasn’t too long. The reason we bought this one was two-fold:

  1. It had two sets of bunkbeds in the back instead of a master bedroom.
  2. It slept up to ten… not comfortably, but it could be done.
10 Things You Need to Know Before You Roadtrip

2009 – Green Roadtrippers

I could write for months about the RV, and indeed, I might—but I have met so many parents who want to roadtrip with their kids that I think for this post, I’ll cut to the chase and give you some practical tips. If you’re homeschooling, a word of caution for those of you who think you’re going to be “roadschooling” and that it will look even remotely like regular school.

It won’t.

Also, my husband did not appreciate our lack of privacy—but that’s another post for another day.

As I write this, we are on our way home from a long four months of travel. As an author and speaker, we depend on this time of year, as it’s the “busy season” for conferences. Our travel is what supports our family in many ways—but we didn’t start out that way. We started out with a desire to reach out and touch other families… and along the way, we discovered a new way to live.

Traveling together is not easy, but oh, it’s worth it. It’s family-strengthening, maddening, memory-making magic. You won’t regret it hitting the road with your family—but there are a few things that I’ve learned the hard way that just might make it a little more magical and a little less maddening. You’re welcome. 🙂

Happy roadtripping!

  1. Homeschooling? Leave your “regular” school books at home. Really.
    When we did our first trip in 2009, every child had a bin of school work. It was perfect. And that, my friends, was a problem. After two months, I put all their school stuff, with the exception of books to read for enjoyment, into a box and I shipped them home. The emotional temperature in our RV returned to normal the very same day.Instead of your normal routine, consider offering these kinds of books to the kids when you’re on the road:

    National Geographic Kids Ultimate U.S. Road Trip Atlas
    National Geographic Kids United States Atlas
    Mad Libs on the Road

    10 Things Parents Need to Know Before Going on a Roadtrip

  2. Whenever possible, stop and see interesting things. Visit national parks. Visit local aquariums and museums. Learn the history of the places you’re visiting. Go to the ocean. Instead of spending our limited funds on places like Disneyland, we opted for places like “The Hermitage” in Tennessee, “Fantastic Caverns” in Springfield, Missouri, “Monticello” and George Washington’s home, “Mount Vernon.” Our children have seen the Magna Carta, walked the battlefields of Gettysburg and touched the Liberty Bell.*side rant* My husband and I fear for a generation of children who don’t know the history of the United States or the path to freedom that was so hard-won. It’s not enough for us to expect our kids will learn all they need to know about our history from textbooks. Nothing can take the place of actually being there.Make some *real* memories instead of asking the kids to write about what they’re “learning” on the trip. Trust me on this one. They’re learning.
    RV_trynewthings

    First time seeing the Gulf of Mexico (2009)

     

    Rare weekend off the road Tennessee Aquarium (2016)

    Rare weekend off the road Tennessee Aquarium (2016)

     

  3. You don’t need to think of everything when you’re packing. Forget your allergy meds? Need vitamins? Forget underwear? Leave a kid behind? (just kidding not really) Here’s the thing: in most cases, you can always get what you left at a store along the way. Stop freaking out. You will forget something, so expect it.  Wal-Mart is your friend. And speaking of when you pack…
    Free laundry facilities at a state park near New Orleans for the WIN!

    Free laundry facilities at a state park near New Orleans for the WIN! (2009)

     

  4. Less is more. I took everything and the kitchen sink with me on our first trip—because I didn’t know that it was more realistic to think of myself as the “motorhome mama” that I inevitably turned into whenever I didn’t feel like using all those “necessary” items. I mean to tell you, that Pampered Chef microwave cooker (which I paid top-dollar for) taunted me from it’s place in the cupboard every time we ate at Taco Bell or cracked open a skillet meal from Costco. In 15,000 miles, I used it twice. Two years later, when we swapped our class “C” for a class “A,” I brought three things I knew I would use: an electric griddle, a single serve coffee maker (saved us a million bucks in Starbucks) and my crockpot.
    Take what you will use with ease! (2011)

    Take what you will use with ease! (2011)

     

  5. Protein > Carbs. When you’re on the road for hours at a time, avoid snacks that are rich in carbs. Carbs make kids wiggly and wiggly kids do not last long on the road. We stock our car cooler with hard-boiled eggs, cheese, jerky, nuts, and veggies when we can. And just in case you think I’m no fun at all, we do indulge in bite-sized candy bars and local sweets. But trust me. If you can keep simple sugars and carbs low, your kids will last longer … and so will you! Check out this travel snack pack!
    Maps like this are must-haves... if you have the window space!

    Maps like this are must-haves… if you have the window space!

     

  6. Hit the road early—and get off around dinner time. We’ve done it all: traveled through the night, traveled until we were all just dead on our feet. But when we started being disciplined about getting up early and getting off the road around dinner, something wonderful happened: we started enjoying the road much more!  If you think about it, it’s common sense, which makes me wonder why it took me nearly 15,000 miles to figure it out.
    This was our second RV. As you can see, we made the most of the space we had!

    This was our second RV. As you can see, we made the most of the space we had!

     

  7. Hoteling it? Use price-cutting apps. I don’t have time here to explain all the differences but I have found that I can stay sometimes up to 70% off using these apps. Of course, it doesn’t always work; if you’re in Yellowstone during peak season, you’ll be hard-pressed to find great deals. Favorites? Priceline and Hotwire. Our rule-of-thumb is that we like to be under $65 per night, and that the  hotel must have breakfast. Many of the hotels serve dinner and breakfast, making a higher cost worth it, especially if you’re traveling with a crew like we have done.Come to think of it, I’m going to write a post about my favorite apps for traveling. I have several that we can’t live without. This trip, we started using Air B&B … and I think we’ll never go back to just hotels again. That’s a blog post for another day.
    Always look for hotels that offer free, full breakfast. Read reviews online before you book a room!

    Always look for hotels that offer free, full breakfast. Read reviews online before you book a room! (2011)

     

  8. RV’ers: if you’re trying to save money, most WalMarts still allow RV’s to stay overnight for free. It’s great! Some of them even have hookups, but those are few and far-between.
    Make new friends! Here's Jay, getting to know the manager of an RV park in Alabama.

    Make new friends! Here’s Jay, getting to know the manager of an RV park in Alabama. (2010)

     

  9. Never take your safety for-granted. I hate to have to put this in here, but we’ve learned the hard way that the road is not always friendly to travelers. We were robbed blind in New Orleans on Father’s Day in 2009—a memory that will stay with us forever. In just twenty minutes, a group broke into our RV and stole almost everything we owned. Nothing was spared. Now, we travel with our eyes peeled, and we never leave things like laptop computers in vehicles. We put them in backpacks and keep them with us.Know gun laws in each state if you conceal carry. Stay safe out there!
    At the White House

    At the White House in 2009

     

  10. Carry a paper atlas with you. Phones can die. GPS systems can fail. Ask me how I know. You need to be able to navigate your way around the “old-fashioned” way. Use them, yes. But never rely on your electronic devices to get you where you’re going.

 

It’s been eight years since we became hard-core, homeschooling road-trippers. This year, we have traveled over 17,000 miles in our Honda Odyssey, which has pulled a small cargo trailer triumphantly from sea to shining sea. If it seems overwhelming, it is. But it’s worth it.

I have a few days left of sitting in this car … and I’ll try to put together some more tips along the way.

Happy trails!

Vinyl Travel Map

Cook ‘Carry Crock Pot

How to Clean a Child’s Bedroom Without Losing Your Mind

The never ending chore of keeping the bedrooms clean can cause a fair amount of tension if we choose to let it.  I’m not a mother who requires that bedrooms get picked up every day, because imaginary play often goes on from one day to the next, and I hate to squelch it.  That said, there are plenty of things that can be handled consistently to help keep a bedroom under control.  But eventually, it all needs to get cleaned up so we can vacuum or sweep… at least once or twice a year!  :blushing:  This task can be overwhelming for a child, and we need to be understanding about that.  Considering the number of decisions required to put away 9,743 objects in an hour, we should have some compassion.  Here are a few tips to help it be a manageable – and hopefully successful – task!

clean-childs-bedroom

  1. Make it clean-able.  Sometimes there’s just too much stuff to even be able to have it put away.  Maybe it’s a small bedroom or there aren’t enough places to put things.  Fix that!  Declutter, pass on some toys, buy storage solutions, etc.  A room full of things with no place to belong will be a constant frustration for you and your child.
  2. Have one container for “all the little things that feel like they should get thrown away but your child sees value in them.”  Yeah. Those things that you want to pitch while they’re not watching?  Chances are good that they’ll notice. (Ask me how I know.)  We use an under-bed container for these things: random flashlight, receipt, Chick Fil A toy, etc.  Anything that isn’t a group deserving of its own storage goes in this miscellaneous container, and it’s so appropriate to tuck it under the bed! Most of this stuff lives on the floor, so it’s really easy to put it away here.  🙂
  3. Pick up everything and put it in one pile.  This is hands down, my best tip.  Pick up everything – EveRYthInG – and put it into one pile. On the bed, center of the floor, or wherever you choose. (We choose center of the floor because we can sweep it there easily!)  It automatically eliminates the visual clutter that can be overwhelming to children, especially younger ones.
  4. After everything is in one pile, we pull stuff from that pile in categories.  (Make a list of the order in which you suggest they do things if you are teaching them to do this independently.) Shoes are easy to start with because they usually all go in the same place, so it’s easy and quick success.  Clothes next because they are a big part of the pile.  Then the pile is usually manageable after those two categories. After that, just take one item at a time.
  5. Don’t rant while they’re cleaning or you’re cleaning with them.  (How would I know this is a temptation?)  It will make only serve to make the experience miserable for you both and make them feel like a failure.  Turn on some music to keep the mood light if you need some help. 🙂
  6. Be willing to help while they clean.  This may look like picking up and putting away while they work alongside you.  Maybe it’s in the form of company and reading aloud while they work.  Maybe it’s frequent checking in and encouraging.  There are a lot of ways to help, and the younger the child is, the more involved you will likely need to be.  But regardless of the age of the child, encouragement will go a long way!

You can do this, Busy Mom!

Do you have tips to share that simplify this task at your house?

Keeping Up with Housework – 7 Practical Tips to Apply Today

We are constantly being asked around The Busy Mom how we get “it” all done.  Well first, we don’t, no matter how you define “it.”  I am in a season where I have little margin and I have to choose to use every minute wisely.  When I don’t, my house is what pays the price.  Now I’m not setting expectations of having a spotless or sterile environment – believe me, I’m not shooting for the stars!  I’m talking about a healthy, clean living environment, stewarding well what I have to manage.  I wish I could say this busy-bess would end soon, but it likely won’t, so I have to apply a few tips to keep my sanity and manage my home well.  I have given up on getting it all done, but there are a few things I do at my house to keep it livable!

keeping-_up_housework

Own less stuff.

Truly, go through and relentlessly purge your belongings (or schedule or responsibilities). This is the best first step. The less you have, the less there is to manage.  And if you are frustrated that you can’t keep a reasonably clean house, that just may mean that you have too much to manage in your current set of circumstances.  Right?  If you could manage it, you wouldn’t be reading this!

You may have too much stuff to manage, or just too much stuff to manage with 3 small kids and a part time job, or just too much stuff to manage with a traveling soccer schedule, or just too much stuff to manage with a husband who works 65 hours a week, or too much stuff to manage with a chronic health problem, etc.  If you truly can’t get it done, there’s too much “stuff” of some sort. I’m not criticizing any of those things, just pointing out that your set of circumstances is the reality in which you need to function well. I homeschool two kids, work part time and have a husband who has long work hours and chronic health problems, meaning he has little left to offer in the cooking and cleaning department. That is my reality, and I have determined what I needed to do to live well in it. But I can assure you, if you just have more belongings than your space will allow, it’s time to pack stuff up and move it out.

Make a list and post it.

Waking up with an expectation of what is to be done will set your mind in that direction first thing as opposed to waiting until you think about it.  If you’re like me, I don’t think about it until I’m dragging already and that never works out well!  Or worse, busy days go by and I don’t think about it at all. But if I have a list and stick to it, then when something comes up one day that prevents me from accomplishing whatever is on the list for that day, it doesn’t matter because I’m generally on track and can miss a day here and there.

When I’m successful, it’s because I make a list of what needs to be done weekly (like bathrooms, floors, etc.) and divide the list into chores assigned to certain days, adjusting for seasonal sports, Bible study and homeschool coop schedules. Then I purpose to obey my schedule because I’m a nerd and things like that work for me. I have no need to waste my limited brain power reinventing the list every day and no need to spend money on a beautiful notebook in which to write the same things over and over.  Type it up, print it off and tape it to the frig. or put it on your bulletin board.

Use your non homeschooling or non working days to catch up.

If I spend some chunks on Saturdays or Sunday afternoons cleaning, I can rest during the week when I’m trying to work around schooling the kids. Using those weekend “rest” days to manage my house actually allows me to better handle the busier weekdays, so my general level of rest is much more consistent as it is spread a bit over each day.  Since Jesus isn’t legalistic, I think this is okay with Him. If I use 60 minutes on Sunday cleaning, then I have ten minutes 6 other days to spend in the word, so my day of rest is spent “resting” with Him in the season in which He has placed me using my time to manage my home well.

Streamline your system.

It takes time to get cleaning supplies out and put them away.  Wrapping up the vacuum cord and kicking stuff out of the way to get it in the hall closet takes a few minutes each time.  Eliminate chore transitions to save time. Clean all the bathrooms on the same day while you have the supplies out, vacuum everything on the same day to eliminate that take-out and put-away time, round up all the sheets to wash and grab your hubby or child to help you put them all back on at the same time.

Work yourself out of a job.

Most children are much more capable than we give them credit for.  Look at your chore list and turn chores over to them.  Kids should be doing all that they are capable of doing! They don’t learn anything responsible by creating the tornado with no obligation to help clean it up.

Just do it.

Don’t spend ten minutes every hour killing time on your phone or computer.  (Yes, I’m talking to myself!) That can add up to 2 entire hours of lost productivity over the course of a day! When you’re tempted to sit down and veg, make the choice to keep moving.  You can sit now or you can sit once the kids go to bed, but if you are a homeschooling mom and want to stay on top of your house, chances are good you can’t sit both times.

Know the difference between clean and picked up, and set your expectations wisely.

“Clean” means I’ve vacuumed, wiped, scrubbed or sprayed something.  “Picked up” means all things are put in their place.  I have children.  I don’t strive for “picked up” constantly, or maybe ever.  I don’t believe it’s realistic in a homeschooling home.
I regularly push toys out of the way with the running vacuum cleaner, because legos or hot wheels look a whole lot nicer on my floor when they’re not mixed with dust bunnies!  A pile of mail doesn’t seem nearly as offensive when the counter on which it sits isn’t scattered with bread crumbs. Socks, shoes, flashlights and all manner of random child paraphernalia on the side of my staircase are much less bothersome when the stairs are freshly vacuumed.  That’s the difference between clean and picked up.  My goal is clean. I gave up on picked up as soon as my second tornado child could move.  I’ll raise my bar when she moves out.

 

If keeping up with your house is a struggle for you, I’d encourage you to pick just one of these and start today.  I need to get my list updated for this new season and get it on the frig.  Which of these is the most applicable for you today? Let’s start together!

We Never Thought We Would Have a Big Family

BigFamily

Years ago, I vividly remember being in the grocery store when a young mother walked in with *gasp* FIVE (yes, I counted) kids. Two were walking beside her, one was holding on the the front of the cart, one was in the cart seat and she was wearing a baby. I thought to myself, “THIS is why people used to stare at me!”

I smiled at her. She had no way of knowing that it was the smile of a mother who really did understand the grace that was over her for that trip to the grocery store. I was on a rare trip to the store by myself. She didn’t stop long enough to see me smiling. My guess is that she is used to people looking at her. I get that, too.

Once, when I was young and free, I imagined my life differently.

In my imagination, I saw a few gorgeous children (maybe three)  with my stunningly handsome husband and maybe a bird or a cat. But not both. I was nineteen when I married the stunningly handsome man. He thought a cat was a good idea.

We began to imagine life together. He and his rock-n-roll band, me and my secretary job. And our cat.

When I was twenty-one, a little “+” sign told us life was going to change. Six months went by and then—she arrived. Twenty-one hours of labor was worth it. She arrived—all pink and smelling of the flower that some soul who understood had named for new babies. That was the first time I realized my that my heart was capable of a dug-down-deep kind of love. It was also the first time I understood why they named that delicate, sweet flower “Baby’s Breath.”

Two years and three months later, after a difficult pregnancy—a beautiful second daughter arrived. The life we imagined was starting to take shape. Our little white house with the drafty windows and no insulation was just right. We lived on a pastor’s salary and learned that garage sales were just as good—no—better, than department stores. (We still feel that way, these 24 years later.) We got a set of bins from Target and started to save the clothes our children grew out of: newborn, 3-6mo, 6-9mo, 12mo, 24mo… toddler.

The bins were small. We put them in our small, poorly insulated attic.  Sierra wore her sister’s hand-me-downs. Handsome husband (still in a mullet) played in his rock-n-roll band on the weekends. When he was away, I had our two little girls. And a cat.

Our imagining was turning into something.

blog_reading

Three years later, after I begged and pleaded, my husband decided that maybe, just maybe—another baby was not a bad idea. He had just one sibling—I came from a family of seven children. Our imaginings were different. So we compromised. He thought four was a nice, even number. Soon, another “+” sign appeared on an EPT test.

We moved into another little white house. This time, we bought it.. right behind McDonald’s. (The smell of hashbrowns in the morning still makes my heart smile.) We loved our little white house with the damp basement. We fixed up our little fixer-upper, trying our hand at the DIY life.

In July of that year, our son was born. We beamed. Our hearts grew to make room for this little boy. He made us so proud. We added new bins of clothes to our growing bin collection. I wrote in Sharpie on them: “BOY – newborn. BOY: 3-6mo…”

Our next pregnancy found us at a new pastorate, in a new town. After a few weeks of keeping our secret, we made the announcement: we were going to have four children. This was back when we cared what people would say. Happily for us, most of the comments we received were kind.  It wasn’t too weird to have four children, we thought. Our imagined life was changing as we prepared to grow again.

About the time we thought we were in the “safe” zone, I went in for a routine ultrasound. I was alone when they told me what every mother hopes to never hear. The image on the ultrasound screen was not moving.  I heard words like “non-viable” and “miscarriage” in that dark room.  That day I learned a new lesson: each day is precious. Anything can happen. There are no guarantees.

Two years went by before our next son arrived. His birth was sweet, but followed by a terrifying amount of blood loss. Recovery was long and hard, but oh—he was worth it. His smile was captivating. We fell hard for this one.  The loss of our last baby seemed to amplify the joy he brought. We thought we knew it before, but now we knew it in a new way: Life is precious.

With the addition of our fourth child, we decided that we were complete. No more babies. Life was getting busier all the time. Birthday parties, homeschooling, more laundry… just more of, well, everything. An uncle gave our daughter a lizard for her birthday. “Leopard geckos are less maintenance,” he said. Contained. Less needy. Except for the crickets.  I never imagined myself with a lizard—but she loved “Milo” and we made a little more room. Lizards are cool, I found out.

Just about the time we were feeling like our family fit into a nice, neat little American “category,” we got a surprise.

We call her “Summer.”

I’ll be honest: we were not planning on going over the number 4. Five children meant that we would not fit into a regular booth for six at Red Robin. In meant our car was too small. It meant people would start staring at us and ask us ridiculous questions like “Do you know how that happens” and “Has anyone explained that to you?”

I cried. I really did. I was only thinking of what other people would say—what they would think. I wasn’t thinking of how rich we were becoming. I’m a planner. It wasn’t in our plan to be a “big” family. Since we had chosen to homeschool our children, I knew this ratcheted things up about fifty notches, and honestly? I didn’t know if I could do it.

Summer arrived in the spring of 2003. (We like telling her that.) She fit her name, with beautiful blue eyes (all the others had brown eyes) and blonde hair. The familiar newborn cry filled the air when they handed her to me. If I loved her before, it paled in comparison to how I felt when our eyes locked. Who would turn down such a precious gift? 

And so, we were seven. We made room in our hearts and our home for another precious gift, and with that gift, our hearts were changing. Maybe—just maybe, all those people who would count our kids and stare at us in Costco, maybe it didn’t matter what they thought at all.

Meanwhile, our house was becoming, shall we say, a little on the “not quiet” side. Not gonna lie. Things were a little more challenging with five kids. It took longer to go places. More dishes. More laundry.

More love.

More bins. We learned to live frugally—because the children were worth not having a car payment.

In late fall of 2004, Jay spent some time in Russia with members of a Christian band he was playing with. In August of 2005, our little “Russian souvenir” was born. And yes. We planned her. Something had happened in our hearts. We were grateful.

Life moved on. Toddlers became teenagers who loved their baby sisters and toddlers. Life became even busier. We added a parrot to our menagerie. We had two lovebirds as well. Side note: One of them attacked the other one. I don’t know where they get that name. Love birds are anything but “loving.” (You’re welcome.)

In 2009, I wrote my first book. “The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Romance” was my heart on paper. In it, I said that I thought we were done adding to our family. You can imagine how many times I have been teased about that. I’m thinking it’s in the neighborhood of a million—because, in 2010, we were given one last, precious child.

Our oldest daughter had become a beautiful high school senior. She graduated when I was pregnant. It was a surreal feeling to graduate her knowing that we were soon going to start all.over.again. My heart was full—and so was my closet. With bins of clothes, photo albums, shoes, receiving blankets, nursing wear.

In 2010, just a few weeks before Christmas, our seventh child was born. She was the answer to a prayer we didn’t know we would have when we were young and “free.” We never imagined our hearts could hold so much love. I also never imagined our dishwasher could be run so many times in a day or that the house could be so noisy or that kids could bring me all the way down to my knees—and that God would meet me there.

Love_Life

Is it easy? Absolutely NOT.  Are we doing it perfectly? No. But we’re so glad we’re doing it.

It’s now 2020. Four of our seven are grown now, and a fifth is getting ready to graduate from high school. We have three grandkids—and expect many more to grace our family in the future.

It’s been a few years since we imagined our life from the inside of our little white house. I never planned to have a big family, but love changed my mind. Love does that. Love finds bins on sale. Love makes you strong.  Love changes your perspective. It helps you see past what’s temporary to what’s lasting.

In the fall of 2013, our childbearing years came to an abrupt end. Our season of bringing children into this world is over. I’m glad we didn’t listen to the naysayers. I’m glad we exchanged our small, cute car for a 9 passenger suburban with a bench seat. I love it that our kids have so many shared memories. I love that the chances of me spending my twilight years alone are next-to-zero, because that rock-n-roll boy of mine and I hope to be surrounded by our children, grand-children and great-grand children.

And yes. I’ll happily look you straight in the eyes now and say without hesitation, “YES. They’re all ours!”

blog_sixkids

The Buck Stops Here

MONEY. It can be a very touchy and often stressful subject.  Especially within our marriages. Without realizing it, we all walk down the aisle with a certain set of ideas about money. If we are in disagreement with our husbands on the management of our finances, it can effect so many facets of our relationship. The truth is that it can have the power to make or break our marriages, so we have important choices to make.

I am hoping to share some ideas that may be helpful.  Every family has dynamics that have to be considered.  It’s important to have good communication and be in agreement with your husband on money matters. That can take some time to process together, but it’s worth it!

picture of money with Heidi Logo

I am really no expert, but after 24 years of marriage and 8 children on a single income, there are a few basic principles we have learned that have served us well. In our family, my husband and I consider everyone’s needs together and I usually leave the final decisions to him.

For starters, pray, sit down with your husband and talk about how to budget within the limits of your income. In other words, DON’T SPEND MORE THAN YOU MAKE. When our finances whirled out of control at one point, we had to step back and re-think our habits. We needed to be intentional about our spending. We started by taking our monthly income, subtracting costs of living like house payment or rent, average power/gas bill, phone bill, and life/health/car insurance. Then with what was left we budgeted out areas of groceries(including TP, toothpaste, etc) gas for the cars, entertainment, clothing, car repairs, etc. We labeled envelopes and put cash in each one for each area. Sometimes I even wrote down everything I spent on the outside of the envelope and put the receipts inside so I would be very conscious of where the money was going.  If at all possible, try to keep anything that’s left over in a savings account. Even building a tiny bit at a time can make a difference over the long run.

Another money saver is making as many of your meals from scratch as you can. They don’t have to be gourmet, just simple meals. This can actually be great for your health as well. Dinners such as a small serving of meat, a couple vegetables and potatoes or some yummy bread are both nutritious and economical. I often mix chicken or turkey cooked and cut into bite site pieces or fried hamburger to a combination of cooked rice or potatoes and 2 or three seasonal veggies sauteed. When you put it all together as one dish, with some tasty herbs and spices, you can really stretch the meat aspect of the meal, which is usually the most costly. Home made soups are also very economical. Oatmeal, breakfast casseroles and pancakes from scratch are all cost effective breakfasts.

Sprouted Lentil Soup with Heidi Logo

Clothes shopping on a budget can be challenging, but fun at the same time! I want our kids to be well kept and somewhat fashionable, but it requires some thought and a little planning. Keep a running list handy of what the family needs are. I love to yard sale off and on from spring until fall. You can use newspaper ads or Craigslist to help you decide which ones you will go to first, depending if what the yard sales are advertising is actually what you are looking for. I frequent thrift shops and kid’s consignment shops.  Also shopping clearance racks and  “off” season can bring some amazingly low prices for clothes and shoes!  When the kids were all little, some of this was almost impossible, but I never turned hand-me-downs away and word got around. One time we were lacking several items for the kids and I prayed about it because I couldn’t really get out to shop for them. Soon after, I came home to several bags of clothes on my front porch with most of the things we needed in them! I still don’t know who they came from!

As we faced many different financial strains over the years, I have had to learn to make it a point to let my husband know that I am FOR him. I try to take the time to thank him daily for his hard work and for providing for us. Our husbands shoulder a heavy burden and honestly, we probably couldn’t thank them too often. And when things aren’t going well, I have to work extra hard to make what we have “enough” ( a combination of stewardship and contentment) but also to continue to verbalize what I’m thankful for. It’s so important let him know that we are on his side and willing to do what we can to be good stewards of what we’ve been given, no matter how little. I can’t tell you what a boost this will be to your man. It builds SO much trust, confidence and love into your marriage.

When it comes to our kids, we can often feel guilty quickly. Guilty that we aren’t giving them the “best”. The truth is that as we live out a life of good stewardship and learning to trust and depend on God with our finances, our children see faith being lived out. This is a far greater gift than money can buy. You are giving them a real, sovereign and powerful God. And that will benefit them in ALL areas of life.

Remember,  God works everything out for our good and His glory…wherever you are in your financial journey. He numbers the hairs on our heads and nothing is out of His control. Life is messy, but He watches over us.   Ask Him for wisdom along the way.  He promises in James that He WILL give it to you if you believe.   Moms, you CAN trust Him.

“I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret  of  being content–whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.”  Philippians 4:12

Read more about “Living on Less”  on my blog Simple Nourishing Home

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Have Kids, Will Travel

RV

Ahh the glamorous life of the road.

People often ask us what it’s like to live for months at a time sleeping in Wal Mart parking lots with six or seven children. Honestly, I’ve asked myself some of these questions, so here are my candid answers to the top five- including how to travel with kids!

We do it because it’s part of our job, but truly, driving is the BEST way to see the country. And what an amazing country it is!

What Is It {really} Like?

It’s amazing. But it’s also hard. Nothing that’s worth doing in this life is ever easy.  Since we believe that God would have us stay together as a family, we take most of our speaking engagements with six gorgeous kids in-tow. Traveling with this many kids is not easy, and when you are doing it with eight people in a 27 foot motorhome, prepare for adventure.

But we’ve learned a lot of things in the past five years of doing this.

 

Jay_busymom

See that man? He’s my awesome husband. He has just finished lettering our new cargo trailer. I tell ya, there’s nothing this man can’t do.

And it’s a good thing–because in the line of work God has called us to, we’ve got to be ready for just about anything. This spring will mark our third trip traveling across the United States as a family. 10 people. One vehicle. Lots of adventures–and misadventures.

Which brings me to:

What’s the hardest part about traveling cross-country in an RV?

No contest here: breakdowns.  They’re expensive and often scary!  Last time, we had to replace

  • the brakes
  • the transmission
  • the rear axle …
Familiar sight: This is from our first trip in 2009.

Familiar sight: This is from our first trip in 2009.

But all in all, we’ve seemed to weather it fine so far …

Together with our kids, we make some smokin’ hot road trippers.

And I’m not kidding.

In 2011, near the end of our last 15,700 mile journey, our RV caught on fire.

You heard me. On.Fire.

We were somewhere outside of Cheyenne at about 9:30 that night. I had just tucked the little kids into bed for the night and we planned on driving several more hours.

Our son caught a glimpse of “orange flickering” near the back of the motorhome, just beyond the rear bedroom window.

Jay pulled over and immediately came running to the side door: “Everyone out!  The wheel is on fire! OUT! OUT!”

I ran for the kids in the back while the older ones grabbed blankets and we headed out into the brush on the side of the freeway. In the dark. In the cold. We stood barefoot in the dry Wyoming grass while Jay tried desperately to put out the fire. A semi-truck driver pulled over and used his fire extinguisher after ours was empty. But the fire would not go out.

Just about the time we were about to watch the entire thing go up in flames, Jay had the brilliant idea to cut the grey water line and all the sink water began to empty onto the fire. As the fire trucks and ambulance, police and fire marshall were arriving, we saw the flames die down.

This.Was.Not.Fun. We shut down the freeway in both directions for at least an hour. The Fire Marshall said it was a miracle that the RV didn’t explode, since the fire, which was sparked from a rear bearing, began just above the FUEL LINE.

Yeah. I believe in angels.

That was our last road trip. This time, we’re driving in a 15 passenger van, since my PTSD has not let lifted from our last trip. -Keep Calm and Carry On-, she says. In the van we shall go.

I could tell many more stories, but I’ll save those for another blog entry. Back to the questions.

Heading to a hotel while our RV was getting a new transmission. This was T-2 ... 2011.  Transmission broke down just after taping a radio interview with Dr. James Dobson. (Yeah, that was embarrassing.)

Heading to a hotel while our RV was getting a new transmission. This was T-2 … 2011. Transmission broke down just after taping a radio interview with Dr. James Dobson. (Yeah, that was embarrassing.)

How Do You Do It?

Good question. Organization is the key.

And games for the kids. And stops along the way.

And patience. And grace. Yeah. That too.

But I’ve discovered that if you can be extra-prepared, the trip will be more successful, and less stressful. Usually when we travel, we are moving from venue to venue without much time to stop and “play,” so the key to keeping everyone in good spirits falls on the mom–if the littles ain’t happy on the road–nobody’s happy!

My favorite small-space organizer: a shoe keeper! This hung on the wall of the RV near the back.

My favorite small-space organizer: a shoe keeper! This hung on the wall of the RV near the back.

Where do you put your stuff?

Another great question! We are organizational nuts.  Our two older daughters and I take a three-fold approach to organizing for  road trip , but it works for living in a small space, even if you’re not in an RV or a van!

  1. Pack simply.  No more than five days worth of clothes per person. Each child has a clear plastic bin in which to keep their belongings. They must leave room to “collect” things on the road–souvenirs, etc., all need to fit into their space.  We bring our own pillows so that we can sleep better at night.It’s very important to allow the kids to bring something they can’t live without.  Each of our children is different and has a different idea of what that is.  We encourage them to keep it simple.
  2. Everything has a place.  EVERYTHING. Every.Thing.  From chargers to post cards, insurance information to sunglasses. Everything has a place.  Each time we stop, we do a little tidy-up to make sure things are put back where they go.  This is crucial or things get lost and/or broken.This was my favorite item from our last road trip: a simple shoe holder that I found at WalMart. It’s made of canvas so we just let the kids design their own little pockets and made pockets for all those “little” things that get lost or misplaced so easily. We hung it near the top of the ceiling so that the little ones could not reach medicines or other things we didn’t want them to touch.  Worked like a charm.  In fact, when we got back home, we hung it up again. If you need to pare down at home, make a list of what you can’t live without, and then put those things aside.  It’s amazing what we can live without, what we don’t need.
  3. Entertainment and Exercise for Everyone. When you are driving for 12-15 hours at a time, there has to be something to keep the mind and body from atrophying. For us, it’s iPad games, movies, card games, school work (15 minutes at a time), naps and good conversation. And yummy snacks. That too. This year, we will be stopping frequently to let the kids run and stretch our muscles. Being in a van will be a different experience so we’re hoping to take advantage of hotel workout rooms and pools. Exercise is so important. Without it, we start to lose energy and our emotions ratchet up toward defcon six.  

What Do You Eat?

I‘ll be honest: On our first trip back in 2009, I took all my cookware and utensils.  And used them twice in three months. It just wasn’t practical. So in order to eat something besides fast food (yuck) we started looking for healthy meals that we could prepare quickly:

Sandwiches, Costco chicken, bagged salad, prepared main dishes from grocery stores etc.

I do cook occasionally but in all honesty, it’s not easy with a large group. Especially if it decides to rain and the kids can’t go outside while I cook.  On our first road trip, I gained 15 pounds.  The last one, we did just fine because we were much more intentional about our meals: healthier snacks, more water, less soda.  (duh.)

The kids take turns adding states to the map as we go.

The kids take turns adding states to the map as we go.

How do the kids do?

Honestly, sometimes great, sometimes, not so great . Wait. That’s just like home.

Getting sleep is very important though.  Sometimes hard when you’ve spent the night next to a noisy semi-truck or in 110 degree heat and the AC quits working.  That’s not very much fun.

Early morning in the RV 2011

Early morning in the RV 2011

Where Do You Stay?

Wal Mart or KOA when we have the RV. WalMarts are great because they’re free.  Just pull over and get everyone into bed.  Bonus: You can stock up on needed supplies while you’re there. 🙂

This year we’ll be hoteling it.  I’ll let you know how that goes. I’m not sure yet since we’ve never done it this way.  You might have to haul me home in a paddy wagon. 🙂 I’m hoping not though. Right now a friend is researching hotels that are large-family friendly.

Sometimes, if we have a few days inbetween conventions, we stay at campgrounds to unwind.

Near Colorado Springs

Near Colorado Springs

Overall, is it worth it?

Yes. In spite of all the breakdowns (the RV and the family), fire, long nights and weary days, we would not change it for the world. Our adventures have drawn us closer as a family. Living in a small space has made us realize we can live without most of the “stuff” we think we need. Seeing different parts of the United States has given our children a love for other places and a desire to meet new people.

 

“Remember when…” has become a regular part of discussion around the dinner table. Now that our oldest is grown and married, we appreciate this short season even more.

So if you’re thinking of RV’ing it, I vote YES.

RV_2_summersaylor

We love to talk about traveling with the family. If you’ve got any questions, leave a comment here. My hunch is that if you’ve got a question, others have it too.

We’re in New Mexico to speak for CAPE right now … we leave on our big road trip with the kids when we get back on Sunday.

We sure would appreciate your prayers–they make all the difference!

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight