Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Remember My Chains – A Lesson From Paul

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I grew up in the seventies and eighties. My grandparents sent us to a private Christian school (which I loved, by the way.)

The time that I was growing up was known for two things that I remember clearly. I say clearly because I’m sure there are many more things that I can’t remember! You know they say that with each child, you lose some brain cells. Seven times whatever … well you can do the math. It ain’t pretty.

In any case those two things that I remember are these:

I remember the excess of the 80’s – the Christmas tree was overflowing with gifts and everyone was trying to “one up” everyone else. Cars, houses, clothes. I don’t think it was because of my private school education, either. The same little competitions were happening on my cul-de-sac.

The eighties however came with some baggage from the seventies. And honestly, I think that “baggage” had been there for decades before. I can’t compare them of course but the baggage I’m referring to is this: we had a hard time saying what was “really” going on.

My grandparents, whom I loved dearly, we very tight-lipped about anything that seemed amiss in our perfect private-school family. And I don’t think it’s because they were afraid. I think it’s because of a misguided sense of care for us. Well, and fear. Okay, and pride. That too.

It’s funny how we think that by not sharing our weaknesses and struggles that others will somehow be encouraged by our example.

I was reading Colossians 4 in a quiet nook of my bedroom today. (Okay let’s be honest: it’s only truly quiet here at 6:30 a.m., so if you ever hear me say my house is quiet, assume it’s early in the morning.) Anyway, my heart was heavy. I struggled to read the Bible without being distracted or jumping ahead to make my list for the day.

In fact, I was pretty distracted until I read the very.last.verse of Colossians 4. Here’s what it says:

^”I, Paul, write this greeting in my own hand. Remember my chains.”

I was struck by the image of this man in chains for the sake of the gospel. But I was more struck by the fact that he was not trying to impress anyone with his “tough it out” attitude. And this was an apostle! He was a super-star for Christ, someone that was looked up to and admired by many.

I went back to the beginning of the chapter and discovered that Paul asked for help again and again. He told the truth. He didn’t put on a “brave” face and he didn’t try to keep his struggles a secret.

v. 3 – “pray for us, that God may open a door for our message”
v. 7 – “Tychicus will tell you all the news about me.”
v. 9 – “They will tell you everything that is happening here.”
v. 12 -“He (Epaphras) is always standing in prayer for you.”
v. 16 – Paul gives instruction to tell about his circumstances in Laodicea
v. 18 – “Remember my chains.”

Remember my chains. In other words, don’t forget me. I need your prayers.

It reminds me of the time I was struggling with a newborn who never slept. One night, I asked my dear friend to just please remember me at 2 a.m., 3:30 a.m. etc. I really thought that I might die from sleep deprivation if no one prayed for me!

When I look at Paul, it’s clear: prayer was essential to his life. Here was a guy that was truly suffering. And he didn’t care who knew it. Why? Because he knew that he needed to be undergirded. He knew he needed the prayers of his other brothers and sisters. I think it’s interesting that Paul didn’t seem to care what other people thought of his suffering.

That’s usually what hangs me up.

Paul knew there was power in prayer. So he asked for it. He told the truth. In so doing, he opened the door to what could have been wide-spread criticism.

I think he did so because he had his eyes on the bigger picture. He was trying to follow God. And he knew he needed prayer more than he needed to guard his pride.

The next time you have a chance to talk with a friend and you sense an opportunity to be real, take it. We need each other, busy moms.

Are you in pain? Is your marriage in need of prayer? Are you struggling with a strong-willed child? Wondering if you’re really cut out of this motherhood thing?

Then you’re in good company. Keep it real. Let’s pray for each other. The road is a long one. I say we travel it together and carry one-another’s burdens.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…” I Thessalonians 5:11

Faith vs Formula

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Good morning busy moms! You’ve made it to Wednesday! *Elmo says: “I’m proud of you!* 🙂 Today, I feel like the Little Engine that Could 🙂 Can you relate?

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and here’s the deal: I’m not gonna lie to you (I’m no good at it anyway.)

I know many wish that there was a formula for homeschooling or parenting that would produce the perfect result.

There isn’t.

There’s only faith.

I read yet another blog post yesterday from a young woman who grew up in a harsh environment and now blames her parents. 🙁 And I don’t know, maybe they were to blame.

But my hunch is that they were just two people who really did want to be the best parents they could be. My hunch is that that desire drew them into a formulaic style of parenting that was rigid and un-yeilding. Unfortunately, more often than not, it does not yield the desired “result”. It often produces rebellion and ends up tearing at the parent/child relationship instead of undergirding it.

Faith is harder than formula-it requires a daily surrendering of both my spirit and my will. It also forces me to look at my own weaknesses as a human being. When I hold those up to the light-well, let’s just say it gives me more grace for my children as I help them navigate the sometimes choppy waters of this world.

No great speaker or author is going to be able to give you ANY piece of advice that can replace the voice of the Spirit in your life. Listen for God’s voice today, busy mom.

And if you’re looking for a place to start, try the Bible.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

There may not be a formula-and that’s okay. We don’t need one, because we’ve got God’s word to guide and direct us.

Let’s pray for each other as we love our husbands and our children. Let’s pray that we might be kind, humble and gentle.

I’d say pray for patience too… but then I’d be signing up for a test of my patience so I’ll just leave that one “implied.”

But I will pray for JOY today. The kind that will help my children see how much I love them and how much I enJOY having them in our home.

I hope our kids remember that even though we didn’t get it all right, we sure loved them like crazy.

At the end of the day-it won’t be the bookwork or the math problems that will determine whether or not we get a passing grade on our parenting. It will be our relationships that determine what those end marks will be.

I choose joy.

all photos copyrighted by Sierra St. John

He Knows My Name

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I looked in the mirror the other day and laughed along with God.

No joke.

I laughed.

Why? Because I have seven kids, that’s why. And I think it makes God smile.

Why? Because it’s me, that’s why.

Me.

The woman who has to buy silk plants because I have a startling ability to kill both plants and small animals. (I boiled my fish to death in their aquarium when I was 14. True story.)

In my defense, the thermostat broke while I was at school. But still. I think I have PTSD from that episode.

God knew all about my anti-nurturing qualities and still, He saw fit to entrust me with seven precious lives.

Seven.

S E V E N beautiful pairs of baby feet. Made just for me and my husband by the God of the universe.

I think God is smiling at me right this minute, thinking about my dead fish and my silk plants—and those seven precious people who call me … MOM.

You see, God knows me. I’ve learned He knows me better than I know myself.

He knows my name.

I like to picture Him saying it … I listen for it.

And I hear Him—in the stillness that comes with the morning light. I hear Him. “Heidi.”

Just.Like.That. Gentle. Patient.

Like a father should be.

Like any good father, He knew I was terrified of motherhood. Terrified that I was destined to repeat a generational sin in my family. Terrified that I was not equipped to take care of a baby. Terrified that I would mess it up. And even more terrified to admit it.

My Father knew my fears as a young mother-to-be.

And He still knows them. {He’s good like that.}

Sometimes, Father lets me wrestle with a question. Sometimes, He sends an answer.

Rarely early. Never late.

I think He knows when I need an answer and when I can wait a while longer.

In September of 1991, I had a question that couldn’t wait. I needed an answer.

Life hung in the balance.

New life.

He knows my name. He knows my name.

I was a woman who was about to give birth. My fear of failing bubbled to the surface. My spirit struggled under the weight of an uncertain future.

Could I do this? Really?
Would I be an angry mother?
Could I overcome my fear?

Just a few days before our precious first-born entered this world, I broke down. Tears rolled down my face and dropped quietly onto my burgeoning belly. It was time to face my fear.

He knows my name.

As I sat in the living room of a dear woman of God, I confided in her. I unpacked my fears. I told my story.

And God sent me His answer through this precious friend.

Rarely early. Never late.

“I can’t do it!” I wailed. “I don’t know how! I don’t know how not to be angry.”

It was all I had ever known, really. Anger.

He knows my name.

“Heidi, ” Nola said, “Why are you crying? God has made you new. You are a new creation! You are redeemed! Called by name. Loved. Set apart. You are not bound by your past. You.Are.New.”

He knows my name.

In that moment, I was set free. Free to be the woman God made me to be. Free to be the mother I wanted to be.

That was nearly twenty-two years ago.

Do I still battle with my fears? Yes.

Do I struggle? Fall? Fail?

Yes.

But here’s the thing: I’m learning what it means to be truly free.

Free to be imperfect. Free to ask for help.

Free to mess things up. To ask for grace —grace to be the woman God sees when He looks at me.

He knows my name.

He knows your name too, precious mom. He knows your fears—He’s seen your failures.

And He loves you.

You can trust Him with your fears and your failures. Lean hard into His arms. He can hold you up.

He knows your name. Can you hear Him saying it?

Look up. Listen.

He knows your name.

Behind Every Great Kid …

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You’re doing great, mom! Keep lovin’ your kids.

Fast, Healthy, YUMMY – {15 Bean Soup}

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All ingredients except the optional ham hock and pork shoulder.

I’m a soupie. Is that a word? Well nevermind. It should be.

I’m finally getting around to posting my favorite bean soup recipe.

Why?

Because I was late yesterday, that’s why. You know, school, dishes, laundry, toddler—broken down car. These things can make a girl go half-crazy in the dinner making department.

{enter pressure cooker}

“Welcome, highly-favored kitchen appliance!”

Electric pressure cookers save time and money!

I.love.my.pressure.cooker. Period. And it got me out of a jam last night. At 4:4o I arrived home from the mechanic shop, tired and frustrated. {yes, you heard me right.} I looked in my pantry. BEHOLD! A bag of beans. Fifteen different kinds of beans to be exact. Dinner! By 4:55 I had all the ingredients in my pressure cooker and by 6:15 we were eating yummy, healthy soup.

YES it works in a crock pot too. Just put this same recipe in your slow cooker and give it 6-8 hours on low.

The magic is found in the spices so here you are:

15 Bean Soup

9 cups chicken broth
15 bean soup mix (1 lb) – this mix is in most grocery stores. It’s about $3.20/bag.
1 large onion, diced
1 can diced tomatoes
4 stalks diced celery
2 bay leaves
2 tsp diced garlic (from a jar is fine)
1 T thyme and rosemary
1.5 T parsely
1 tsp ham base if you don’t have a ham hock, or leave it out. It’s good with or without.
Black pepper to taste
Alternative:
If you’re in the mood for a more meaty bean soup, add about a pound of pork shoulder, diced into bite-sized pieces. I didn’t use it this time. When using ham base, I LOVE Penzey’s. Here’s a picture … a little goes a long way!

Directions:

Place all this stuff in your pressure cooker. Set it to “soup” and set your timer for 35 minutes. When it’s done, allow the pressure to go down on it’s own. This will add about 15 more minutes to your total time.

When you’re ready to serve, take out the ham hock and the bay leaves. Voila! No more waiting all day for your beans to cook. Pressure cooking is a busy moms best friend. Give it a try!

Short, precious, irreplaceable {The Teen Years}

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“You just WAIT until they are old enough to be really rebellious!”

These were some of the first words I heard from well-meaning folks twenty-two years ago, as I held my bright-eyed, strong-willed little girl in my arms.

I’ll admit: I wasn’t looking forward to those dreaded years, but comments like that didn’t help. I figured I had a few years to come up with a “plan of attack” though. And, thankfully, the first twelve years provided plenty of learning opportunities for my sweet husband and me. Mostly, they were opportunities to learn the best ways to love our kids.

Years ago, the Lord impressed a verse on my heart as I was sitting on our couch reading to our pre-teens. We were reading the story of George Mueller, who had served the Lord with a passion that ultimately brought many to Christ. I wondered what my teens would choose to do with their lives…and then, I saw this verse in an entirely new light:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

I had been reading this verse all my life but at that moment I saw it in a new light: God had a plan for EACH of my children. It wasn’t just for me—that promise was for them, too. It overshadowed the moments of angst we were having, and those all-too-common struggles for right relationship. I really saw each of my children as truly precious to the Lord. It made me very aware of my part in God’s plan, too, because as their mother, I was a big part of what God was doing in their lives at that point. As a mom, I am God’s divine choice to help Him as He prepares our children for the plans He has already made for them. My job was to nurture and guide them into God’s plan—to help them find their purpose.

Instead of dreading the teen years, I now look forward to them. Why? Because that when weary moms and dads get to see the first signs of buds that appear on the branches we have been tending to so carefully. It’s those final few years that we have our children under our care and supervision. The teen years provide opportunities for late-night conversations about the real stuff that life is made of.

The world says that when we have teens we should gradually give them more and more freedom: 13 yr olds are now being left to parent themselves, and 16 year-olds are often making life-altering decisions will little guidance from their parents.

But how different God’s view is of parenting! Consider what David had to say in Psalm 127:4:

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.

God says that our children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior! This is a great image for us to remember as we get ready to launch our arrows out into the world: rather than giving more and more freedom and imparting less instruction, we should be giving more instruction! Before an archer gets ready to launch his arrows, he carefully draws the bow and arrow into himself, carefully determining trajectory and keeping his eyes on the target.

Am I suggesting that we don’t give our teens a measure of freedom? No. Our job is to prepare them for adulthood. They will need freedom in order to grow and test their first flight wings. But let’s be careful not to launch them too soon or carelessly. Let’s keep our eyes on preparing them for that specific task to which God is calling them—and be open to the idea that it will not always be what we had hoped it would be. Remember, God is the Master planner! We are simply caretakers for a few years of great opportunity and influence in the lives of our children.

The teen years go by fast. But contrary to the world’s thinking, they are not a time for less parenting. They are a time of great opportunity— a time for greater wisdom and involvement. The teen years are not an instant maturity of child to adult, but a gradual deepening of a friendship between child and parent. It’s an opportunity to use careful wisdom when disciplining and to ask for forgiveness when it’s required.

Don’t miss these precious years. Don’t dread them. Take advantage of them.

Wondering how? Here are a few simple goals to consider:

Make your home the place where your teens want to bring their friends.
We’ve found that making our home “the place” has required some flexibility over the years … 🙂 but that flexibility has resulted in wonderful memories of pizza parties, game nights, movie nights and even wonderful interactions around a big pot of taco soup. Make sure your teens know that you welcome their friends into your house. Not only does it give you great insight into the character of their friends, it allows you a greater platform to speak into their lives.
Be willing to stay up late.
I don’t know why, but teens become night owls. So we became night owls too. Sometimes, against our will! But those late-night conversations are a huge part of the important stuff. Prop your eyelids open … it’s worth it!
Learn to apologize.
Your teens will respect you and learn from your example if you can admit it when you are wrong. After all, we ask forgiveness for our entire lifetime!
Be the parents.
You’re an archer. You’re preparing your kids for a battle—and this requires both nurture and discipline. Our kids were not created to be boomerangs! They’re not supposed to come back… right? 🙂 They were created as arrows. You don’t get a second chance. One launch. A few short years. Don’t grow weary in investing in your teens.

The harvest is coming. Sow wisely and lovingly. And ENJOY these precious years!

Redeeming Our Time

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Time Flies.

Several years ago, I overheard a “celebrity” being interviewed on TV as I prepared dinner for our family. The questions seemed to center on her public life, and then, one question got my attention.

“If you could only say one thing to young mothers who are raising their children, what would it be?” asked the reporter. The woman thought for just a moment and replied, “Life is not a dress-rehearsal. You only get one shot at raising your kids. Don’t mess it up.”

Her voice cracked slightly, and I heard the familiar sound of missed opportunity in her tone. I wondered why. By all appearances, she had the “perfect” life. Beautiful children, lots of money, handsome husband. I put down my paring knife to focus on the remainder of her short interview. It turned out that she was estranged from two of her children. She lamented the fact that while she was raising her children, she and her husband spent so much time cultivating a “perfect” family, that they did not develop a relationships with their children that would last. It only looked good on the outside. And now, it was too late to start over. The time for raising her children had passed. She could only warn other mothers not to walk down the same path she had gone down.

The time for sowing seed had passed. The harvest was in.

It is hard to hear those kinds of words. My heart hurt for this mom. Naturally, I thought of my own children. Our oldest, who is now married and expecting her own child this fall was nearly 16 at the time—and even then, it seemed that it was just yesterday when we were holding her in our arms, in awe of her perfect features and scared to death that we wouldn’t do everything “just right”. I thought of my grandmother, who remarked to me just a few months after grand-daddy died that she was amazed at how fast her life had gone by.

Grandma said to me, “Heidi, the best thing you will ever do in this life is to love your husband and to raise your children to love and serve the Lord. Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that having children is anything less than the best thing you’ll ever do.” How I miss this precious lady! She was so wise.

I recently spoke to a group of women in Washington about the blessing of motherhood. It seems odd to me that many Christians have bought into the world’s way of looking at children. It must grieve the heart of God when we think of our children as anything less than a gift straight from the heart of the Creator Himself.

The Bible is full of stories of amazing moms who understood their worth before the Father. God’s word stresses the importance of mothers! In Exodus 2 we read about Jochebed, the mother of Moses. She protected her son, even putting her own life in peril, and then entrusted him to the Lord. Eunice, the mother of Timothy, instructed her son in the knowledge of the scriptures and he went on to have an incredible impact for the kingdom as part of Paul’s ministry. Read the books of Timothy and you will see Paul reference Timothy’s grandmother, Lois and his mother, too. They must have been amazing women!

In the United States today, mothers are under enormous pressure to conform to the world’s view of children. Radical Feminism has devalued motherhood in a quest for “greater meaning” and “true identity”. But God sees things much differently.

God’s view of children is a dramatic departure from the cultural norms of the world we live in.

The world says: “Children are a burden.”
God says, “Children are a blessing.”

The world says, “Try not to have more than two or three children. ”
God says, “Blessed is the man who has many children!”

The world says, “Children get in the way.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to ME.”

The world has diminished the high-calling of motherhood to little more than a “stop-over” on the highway of life.

But God says that a wife of strong character is rare – she is worth far more than jewels! (Prov. 31.10)

If you are a mother, you have an amazing opportunity every day to shape the future. As a homeschooling mom, you have even more time to influence the lives of your precious children. Homeschooling provides endless opportunities to teach your children about God’s love for them! Mom, your job is so important! You have been given the privilege of weaving a fabric of family life using the truth of God’s word to impact the lives of your children…

Ultimately, this fabric will be a beautiful tapestry that will bear witness to the power and love of the Lord Jesus as your children walk with the One who created them in your womb.

I’m glad I was reminded of the fact that life is not a dress-rehearsal. I’m thankful that my grandmother loved the fact that Jay and I chose to have a family that doesn’t fit the “worlds” mold very easily. The time does pass quickly. Let’s redeem the time God has given us to influence these precious children for the Glory of God. It’s an investment that yields a harvest of joy that will continue into eternity.