Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

God is Present

We Hope—We Wait

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“Good things come to those who wait.”

Boy, I heard this a lot as a child, this philosophy of waiting. It was preached from the pulpit, at school and yes, at home. It’s funny how you turn into your parents, pastors and teachers … eventually.

When I was young, I was always in a hurry to grow up. I remember thinking, “if only I could drive…” or “if only so-and-so would ask me out” … and then, I married the most wonderful man—and the “if onlys” began again. “If only we had more money”, “If only the kids would obey!”

Time is a teacher. At long last, I am discovering something about my if only attitude. In Romans, Paul was having a similar angst. Except he had the right perspective.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:25

In the quiet (read: before the kids awake), I let these words soak deep into my spirit. And a four little words speak to my spirit. “We hope—We Wait.”

Look closely. They come before and after “for what we do not have.”

We live in a world that is desperate for hope. Entire {successful} presidential campaigns have been built on the word “Hope.” It is a powerful word. It holds a promise that is unique to the one who hears it.

What are we hoping—and waiting for? Some weighty things come to mind—

Raising children is really an exercise in hope. Each day requires renewed patience and discipline as I wait to see the beginnings of buds appear on the branches of those little saplings I have planted oh-so-carefully with my husband. The promise of fruit that will appear —the hope—that if I plant with the harvest in mind, and if I nurture these little souls—and if—I can ask forgiveness … there.will.be.fruit.

We hope—for what we do not yet have.

We wait for it—patiently

… when we’ve said “no” for the trillionth time
… when we are challenged repeatedly
… when the gentle correction seems to not be working
… when the toddler just will.not.stop. whining
… when the math lessons are wearisome
… when I am weary from the oh-so-daily reminders:

“your school books don’t go there”
“yes, it’s your turn to unload the dishwasher”
“please treat your sister with kindness”
“stop arguing with each other…please …. now … STOP!”

Many moms fall into bed each night exhausted and discouraged—for little change is seen in the day-to-day challenges of raising children.

Real change is incremental. It is a decision of the heart.

So we wait—with hope—for what do we do not yet see.

And we don’t give up. And we love with a fierceness that burns brightly on long winter days.

And—we keep waiting—because we believe the promise.

Good things come to those who wait. And just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, so fruit trees don’t mature overnight.

One day, I am learning, the effort begins to bear fruit. Children grow up. They get married … and… I’m also discovering that eventually, they make ecstatic grandmothers out of tired mamas.

There will be fruit. Plant with the harvest in mind.

Be encouraged,
heidi

Giveaway Alert! We’re Celebrating 25,000 “likes” on Facebook!

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Hi friends!

We’re having some fun over at The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Facebook page … and we’re taking the party to my blog now 🙂

You’ve helped us grow to 25,000 “likes” in less than 4 years. Now it’s time to grow to 100,000 and I think we can do it in just 12 months with your help.

What’s the number one reason you recommend “The Busy Homeschool Mom” page to your friends?

Leave it in the comments section and we’ll choose winners for the next 24 hours to win:

“Words Along the Way: A Journal for Busy Moms” – 4 copies
“The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Romance” – 2 copies
“The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Daylight” – 2 copies
Firmly Planted Book 1 (complete set, includes workbook) – 1 copy
Firmly Planted Book 2 (complete set) – 1 copy

Let’s have some fun! Ready, set, GO!

We appreciate you!

heidi

4 Ways to Invest In Your Marriage Today

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I love being married. I really do. But it’s not always easy and it always requires nurturing. I speak to moms all the time about making their marriage the priority relationship at home because the fact is simply this: most marriages do not end because of adultery … they end because of neglect.

Over 24 years of marriage, I have learned some valuable lessons. I’m still learning, truthfully. Every time I make a mistake or stumble, it’s an opportunity to learn something. 🙂 Here are four things I have found to be foundational in my marriage—and they’re things you can start doing TODAY.

Live Entwined Lives. I talk a lot about this in my first book, The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Romance. Entwined living is the opposite of something I call “parallel living.” It means that instead of just being “roommates” with our husbands, we purpose to be intentional about doing things together. For some of us, it comes easily. When I first started living this principle with my husband years ago, it was difficult. Our lives were being pulled apart in so many ways … the church pulled at us, with it’s myriad of weekday activities, work pulled us apart, school activities and obligations left little time for meaningful interaction and eventually, we found ourselves with a so-so marriage instead of a great marriage.Entwined living means we live like that cord of three strands that Solomon talks about in Ecclesiastes. Our lives weave in and out of each other’s space and time through meaningful interactions, activites and a commitment to intimacy in our marriage. For more on this principle, check out the Guide to Romance.

2. Remember that Marriage Comes Before Mothering. This means that your marriage needs to be the priority relationship in your home. It should take priority over all your other relationships. I hear from moms every week who are so weary that the idea of spending any “extra” energy on their husbands is overwhelming.And I get it. Motherhood is demanding. It’s often 24/7, diapers, dishes and discipline. It’s enough to bring a woman to her breaking point. That’s part of the reason I’m so passionate about moms encouraging other moms. We need each other! Only a mother can truly understand the demands and pressures of another mother.

But here’s the thing: we can’t let motherhood rob us of one of life’s greatest blessings—and that’s a healthy marriage. I’ve often said that I believe the marriage comes before mothering. I’ve taken some heat for it, because some take that to mean that I don’t care about the kids. This is not the case. Here’s why:

The marriage is the primary relationship at home. Many moms believe that their children should come first; after all their husbands are grownups! I understand the reasoning behind this, but I believe it’s based in a misunderstanding of God’s design for marriage.

The intent of the mom who puts her children before her marriage is noble, but it lacks vision for the greater picture of a truly healthy family.

Have you ever heard a flight attendant as she instructs passengers before take off? She’ll say something like, “In the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, SECURE YOUR MASK FIRST BEFORE ASSISTING YOUNGER PASSENGERS.” This is because everyone knows that if the parents pass out from lack of oxygen, the child is rendered defenseless in most cases.

Your marriage is a lot like this situation. Think of nurturing your marriage in the same way you might think of securing an oxygen mask to yourself and your husband. Breathe life into your marriage every day. Keep your marriage physically and emotionally healthy.

If we create a child-centered home to the neglect of our marriage and the marriage falls apart, or if we only give the marriage 50% of the oxygen it needs, the marriage will suffer. And the children of that marriage will suffer too.

3. Make Intimacy a Priority. How can we do that as busy moms? Here a few ideas to bring the “wow” back into your bedroom: 🙂

Take time to unwind at the end of the day. A quiet bath with some wonderful smelling Epsom salts is high on my *love this* list.
Prepare yourself mentally for intimacy. Think about your husband. What do you find attractive about him? What is it about him that brings a smile to your face? Most husbands don’t need this “mental” preparation. 🙂 They are like microwaves. We are like crock-pots. Think 6 hours on low. 🙂
Talk to your husband. What does he need? Does he know what you need in order to be more available for sex? Sometimes, just talking about what we need is the key. For example, it really blesses me and helps me unwind when my husband puts the kids to bed while I try to unwind from the stress of the day. Talk to your husband. He’ll be happy to hear that it matters to you.

4. Be a trustworthy friend. Be the kind of friend to your husband that provides for emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Share your dreams. Nurture his dreams. Have shared dreams and goals and go for them together.

Want to read more great blog posts on marriage? Visit FulfillingYourVows and check it out … they are doing 14 Days of Fulfilling Your Vows right now and it includes a chance to win some great books on marriage. Check it out!

Marriage was God’s idea, busy mom!

Nurture your marriage—it’s one of the best things you will ever do for your children!

Just Like Her Mommy

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Sometimes, we learn more from our children than we can possibly teach them.

I think that’s God’s way. He gives us children in part, I think, to show us how He sees us. Yes, we teach them, but really, we’re the ones being taught.

The older I get the more I am realizing how utterly dependent I am on God. When I was younger, I didn’t grasp the gravity of my need for Him.

Our littlest Darling is two. I wonder if God sees me as I see Darling. Sometimes, I grasp the enormity of the lessons I’m learning. Sometimes, I don’t. When I have the occasion to understand the situation I am in, I often look wide-eyed at God for help—in the same way Darling looks at me.

“Mommy, I’m stuck.” or “It burned, Mommy.” “Help, please.” “I’m sorry.” “But I’m not tired!”

Sometimes, there are no words. Just tears of regret for the suffering that follows a wrong decision or words that were carelessly spoken.

Truly, my two-year-old daughter is just like her mommy.

Just like her, I’m in constant need of God’s tender mercies. I’m fragile. Broken, really. The cracks show up when the light hits them just right … these jagged lines that life has left run their course along my soul and occasionally they expose soft spots I had forgotten about. They serve as an indelible reminder of my humanness.

If I look too long at the jagged lines, I can feel myself begin to sink. Thoughts that are not from Him creep in. I wonder how I can be the mother that I need to be. I question how I can adequately serve this amazing man who loves me. I wonder how I can juggle the friendships that I’ve been blessed with. I wonder if I’m a good friend at all.

And then, I remember Darling.

She is growing. Each day, she remembers a lesson (or at the very least, part of a lesson) from the day before—just like her mommy.

Some places are sticky. It’s easy to get stuck. Don’t go back there.

Some things burn. Try, try not to touch things that burn flesh or spirit. No matter how shiny or tempting they are.

The trail in the back woods is not for Darling. She can’t navigate it safely … at least not yet. Following an old, overgrown trail that I have been told not to travel down is unwise. (It’s better to close the entrance to trail.)

Saying “I’m sorry” is freeing.

Rest is necessary. Like Darling, I need to learn how to rest without fear that I’ll miss something while my spirit and flesh are being renewed.

We are so much like the children that God entrusts into our care.

Learning.

Trying again.

Falling … and getting back up.

In need of forgiveness.

In need of rest.

And those broken places? They’re part of the daily reminder that God is in the business of healing.

Healing from the past.
—Emotionally, physically, spiritually.

Help for the present
—Provision, wisdom for parenting, strength for the journey

Hope for the future

Yes, we’re a lot alike, this toddler and me.

Just like her mommy, Darling is learning how to trust, forgive, dust herself off, get back in the game, avoid the sticky places, apologize when necessary and rest without struggling.

Today as I watch our toddler … well … “toddling,” I smile. Because I know that God is watching me—His hands are open wide, His eyes dance with enthusiasm at every new lesson I learn, knowing that I desire to be, well, just like my Daddy.

That makes the journey worth taking.

Homeschooling Preschoolers {or not}

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Best idea I EVER heard for homeschooling preschoolers:

DON’T.

Play with them. Take them on walks. Read to them. Bake cookies.

These precious young years fly by.

“People” say we’ve got to start school at the age of three. But I’ve got to say: I think we miss out on some of the best years of childhood when we start formal education too soon.Of course now that our oldest two are grown, I have the gift of perspective. If I could go back, I would have played more and stressed less over “school” for my littlest ones. Even Kindergarten and First/Second grades require very little “book” work.

Study what crawls out from under the stones on your garden walkway. Talk about the mysteries of the heavens. Smell the flowers in your neighborhood. Nurture curiosity. Above all, nurture their spirit. ♥

Marriage {Before} Mothering

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Dear Heidi,

My husband is upset with me. We rarely talk anymore, except to discuss finances or other “necessary” things. He is a good father and a wonderful man. I’m trying to be a good mother and wife, but my husband says he feels neglected. I honestly can’t help it! I’m too tired at the end of the day for sex most days—and even though I try to explain how much energy it takes to parent our four children and keep the house in decent order, he doesn’t get it. I know we feel more like roommates than lovers these days. But I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe I’m wrong, but I really think my kids need my energy right now. After they are grown, my husband and I will have all the time we want together. My priority is our kids while they are little. How can I talk to my husband to help him understand this?”

You know, I get many letters like this each week. And I get it. Motherhood is demanding. It’s often 24/7, diapers, dishes and discipline. It’s enough to bring a woman to her breaking point. That’s part of the reason I’m so passionate about moms encouraging other moms. We need each other! Only a mother can truly understand the demands and pressures of another mother.

The intent of the mom who puts her children before her marriage is noble, but it lacks vision for the greater picture of a truly healthy family.

So yes, love your children fiercely. Teach them. Discipline and train them. Nurture them.

But love your spouse FIRST. Your spouse should get the best part of you. Healthy relationships with our children flow out of healthy, thriving marriages. The best thing a busy mom can do for her children is to love their father.

Precious mom, take time to recharge your inner batteries. You need to have something left for your husband at the end of the day. Give yourself an hour of quiet time each day to shower, read, nap, or tidy up (if that’s what relaxes your heart and mind). I’ve been doing “quiet time” for years. Quiet time just means that the kids are either reading in their rooms or napping, or watching a movie quietly. The point is: do what you need to do to refresh your spirit. The days of mothering are long but the years go by fast. Be sure your marriage is thriving when your nest is empty.

The investment you make in your marriage today pay dividends far into the future. Your marriage is worth investing in!