Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Tips On Choosing Curriculum Without Going Broke

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I’m trying to answer some questions I get asked as I get to visit with moms around the country. Last week I answered the question, “How do you get it all done?”

Today, I’ll pull back the curtain on how I choose curriculum for our kids each year. Hopefully, after 17 years of homeschooling, I’ve got a few ideas that will help you avoid some of the ditches I stumbled into!

Little Tip: Whatever you choose needs to be good for both your child and you.
If you don’ t love it, you’ll struggle to teach it.

If you have homeschooled for more than five minutes or done even one internet search in your consideration of homeschooling, you know there is a very long list of curricula out there for you to try. It can be overwhelming. It’s easy to spend too much money in a panic to find just the right program. Here’s the thing: a good homeschool education doesn’t have to be expensive. It shouldn’t break the bank, either.

If you’re just starting your homeschool journey—DON’T PANIC. You don’t need a lot of curriculum. If your kids are very young, you don’t need more than one or two books. We love simple in our home. Our lives are very busy by definition and so when it comes to schooling,

Little Tip: Choose a curriculum that will compliment your lifestyle, not compete with it.
Try not to overthink it.

Are you still curious? Here are a few of my favorite things:

Beginning Reading:

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons – I’ve used this for years and years and all our children are excellent readers. You don’t need anything but pencil and paper to go with this book. I’d suggest doing the writing assignments that go with each lesson. Don’t spend too much time on any lesson in this book. No more than 30 minutes including writing time.

Bob Books for Early Readers – Bob books are our favorite transition from 100 Easy Lessons. We try and do one booklet each day and write a little, too.

Math:

We’ve tried every math program out there. I hesitate to tell you which one we landed on but I do love Teaching Textbooks for grades 7 and up. I also love a little handheld math quizzer called “Flash Master.” It does all the basic math facts in several different formats. We’ve had ours for years and it was well worth the investment.

Life of Fred has literally made our eight-year-old enjoy math. ‘nuf said.

Science:

3-8th grade: I love the Apologia Young Explorer series. You can use them in so many ways and they read like a great story. And yes, I’ve used them with several of our kids through the 8th grade. We simply give more challenging assignments as they get older.

*note: I have a friend who has homeschooled her kids forever w/out picking up a formal science book until they were in high school. Of her three kids, one is a doctor, one an attorney and one a teacher. They did just fine.

High school writing

I’m a fan of IEW – Institute in Excellence for Writing. Check it out. I don’t do this for our younger kids because they love to write already and I do too—but as they get into high school, we do IEW and love it. (The link is to the author’s page.)

Unit Studies

For grades 3 and up, you can’t beat YWAM Christian Heroes Series. They are my favorite tool for teaching geography, history and social studies. One six dollar book not only gives your kids a window into another culture, but teaches them about people who followed God in the most incredible ways. I love them!

Five in a Row takes wonderful children’s literature and makes a unit study out of it. It’s brilliantly written, inexpensive and easy to use for preschoolers through about 6th grade. If you love learning with your children while you snuggle up on the couch, this is for you!

Check these resources out too:

Pocketful of Pinecones by Karen Andreola is a great reminder of what education can look like. She also wrote A Charlotte Mason Companion which I loved.

I suppose I could go on and on about this, so if you have a specific question please let me know. I’d love to hear what’s working for you.

At the end of the day and regardless of what curricula you land on, keep in mind that the curriculum is there to help you, not to take over for you. You are the teacher—and you can do it!

No curriculum can be a substitute for God’s gentle leadership in your homeschool.

So before you spend hundreds of dollars thinking you have found the miracle curriculum that will make homeschooling simple, remember the promise God makes in Matthew 11:28 –

My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Homeschooling should be a joy. It should not run you over and leave you for dead. If you’re already overwhelmed by the curriculum or program you chose, it may be time to prayerfully consider another way. ♥

You can do this, busy mom! Enjoy your kids!

xoxo, Heidi

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

Dear Church, let’s talk about what REALLY matters

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A couple weeks ago, I wrote about some truly tragic events that have unfolded within the Christian homeschool movement. I wrote about it to remind people how important it is for us to know what the Bible says and to develop our own walk with the Lord through reading His Word.

After speaking in Greenville, I met dozens of parents who have been affected by “unsound teaching” within the homeschool movement. Some are just coming out of it. Many of them were in tears as they spoke to me on the convention hall floor. Many of their stories were heart breaking.

I know what it feels like to be set free from the expectations of others. When I finally decided to stop seeking the approval of others to define my walk the Lord, it was life changing. It was as if the oxygen in my spiritual life was always at 75%. Enough to keep me alive but not enough to thrive. Not much room for joy. It was suffocating. Not just for me, though. It was suffocating to those around me. I just didn’t know it.

Our culture is desperately in need of the grace and forgiveness of Christ. Unfortunately, we spend too much time arguing about areas of personal freedom—only to cause division within the body of Christ. I believe the Church, has had about all the division it can handle. It’s open season on Christianity—but we’re not girding up for battle. We’re too busy majoring in the minors to notice we’re losing the cultural battle.

I speak a lot about spiritual warfare when I travel. Why? Because the real battle is a spiritual one. It’s got very little to do with the stuff that ends up tearing us apart most of the time. The devil doesn’t care how he sidetracks us. He’ll veer our little car off into a ditch on one side of the freeway or the other—and he doesn’t care which side so long as we end up in a ditch.

Personal freedom that is taken too far and extra biblical “mandates” that are substituted for the central message of the gospel seem to be the ditches of this generation. Either way, it’s a losing proposition for Christ-followers.

Church! We’ve got important things to talk about!

image credit

“Be of sober spirit. Be on the alert! Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion
seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8

Peter is telling us that we have an adversary so formidable that he is actively seeking to devour us! The devil is our real adversary—and while he doesn’t care about small issues himself, he’ll use them to distract, discourage and divide us with them. If it can keep us from sharing the gospel, it’s good enough for him. Funny thing though, the devil doesn’t need to come like that lion when we’re busy devouring our own with man-made rules and other “religious” distractions.

I see more division in the church these days than I do in politics. The worst part of this is that most of the time, the things that divide us carry no eternal significance with them at all.

I pray that the Christian community will stop majoring in the minors. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, let me give you some areas where we have lost sight of what really matters:

Major: Education. This is a big deal. Education matters for a million different reasons, chief among them is that education is never neutral. We had better care about what our children are being taught. We’ve seen the tip of the iceberg with regard to the devastating influence godless education has had and is having on our children.

Take back ground that the enemy has held for generations by caring about the education of your children. Yes!
This is worth fighting for. Bring it.

Minor: How we educate our children. I know many of you reading this are feeling offended right now because, like me, you’ve chosen to homeschool your children. I believe in homeschooling. It’s an amazing opportunity to shape and influence our kids, to keep them sheltered (yes, I believe in that too) until they’re mature and ready to engage the culture. The opportunity we have to impact our children through education is amazing.

But.

Homeschooling is not the answer to the problems we’re facing in this culture. It’s not going to save my kids from corruption or inoculate them against rebellion. It won’t keep them from having sex outside of marriage. Homeschooling is not the answer. It’s a tool that is helping millions of parents raise their children and prepare them for the world. Homeschooling is awesome, but it’s not the gospel.

When we worship a form of education, it’s no different than worshipping an idol.
There’s no power in homeschooling apart from Jesus. None.

Major: Defending the unborn. I’m 100000% pro-life. I marvel at Christians who say they believe a woman’s right to choose is more important than her baby’s right to breathe. I don’t understand how an entire generation of innocent babies have been murdered in my lifetime. There’s no excuse for it, especially when there are thousands of couples who would love to adopt and care for a baby that’s not wanted. The Bible is very clear on God’s view of murder. This is a no-brainer. The Bible has a lot to say on the subject. We are without excuse.

“Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.” Jeremiah 1:5

Minor: How many kids you have. Children are a blessing. The Bible is very clear about God’s view of children. He loves them. He says we’re blessed if we have them! How sad that we’ve gone from seeing them as a blessing to seeing them as a measure of our spirituality. Even more sad: the fact that we’re judging others based on the number of children they do or don’t have. (This is felt very keenly at homeschool conferences, where kids are often seen as trophies and status symbols.) I’ve spoken to many women who have felt wounded by others who regard their choice to have a small family as somehow inferior to another’s choice to have a bunch of children.

How about instead of talking about the number of children we have, we talk about how we can best point them to Christ?

Major: Modesty. I know, many of you are not going to like this either, but it’s true. We live in a culture that has forgotten the importance, no, the preciousness, of human sexuality. We’ve bought the lie that it really doesn’t matter how we dress—but it does matter, for lots of reasons. It’s sad to see such a precious gift lost in this culture.

I want my girls especially to know how precious their bodies are. I want them to respect their own bodies and keep themselves for their husbands. I hope our daughters and sons see in their parents a great mix of modesty and, dare I say it? Style. (I did marry a guitar player.) Let’s talk about what really matters.

Minor: How we live out modesty. Why must we convince others that our decision to wear a certain type of clothing is somehow better than someone else’s? I grow weary of the “why we only wear skirts” posts floating around online that try to make others feel that they are somehow inferior. Honestly? This culture could care less about whether or not women wear pants or skirts. We don’t bring people to Christ by wearing a skirt. We do it by putting on love.

Modesty is first an attitude of the heart, and then an act of the will—and God is looking at our heart. Let’s let our other sisters in Christ develop a sensitivity to the Spirit rather than trying to tell them what clothes to wear. Christians can disagree on this. Let’s talk about what really matters. At the end of the day, we’ve got much bigger issues to grapple with. Let’s stop telling people how to dress and start telling them how to find eternal life.

People need Jesus. They don’t need a list of things to check off that make them feel “good enough” for God. The Bible says that even the best things we do don’t deserve the grace that God has showered upon us—so why are we reluctant to give grace to others? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves. As a recovering Pharisee, I can tell you this is the truth.

It’s easier to follow a checklist of do’s and don’ts than it is to do the harder work of studying the Bible and listening to God for ourselves. Right? I think that’s why we gravitate so easily to a checklist.

We’re not so different from the people of the Bible. Israel wanted a King. So they got one. We want a formula. So we make them. But there is no formula for following God. Our formulaic approaches to life choke the Spirit out and leave us dependent on men rather than God. (This is never a good place to be.)

We live in a culture that is literally crying out for “hope and change.” We’ve elected a President for two entire terms based on the promise of hope and change, only to be disillusioned and disappointed because real hope and change will never be found apart from Jesus. Period. Without Him, we would have no hope.

If you have Jesus, you have the hope of glory within you. You have the change that our thirsty culture is crying out for. Let’s talk about Jesus and stop talking ourselves and our convictions up.

It was for freedom that we were set free. We are infinitely loved. We’ve been redeemed. We’ve been forgiven. We have hope.

Let’s talk about that.

Don’t Turn Away: Trouble in the Homeschool Movement

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Oops. It happened again.

Another “pillar” of the homeschool movement has resigned after allegations of sexual misconduct and inappropriate behavior.

“In allegations going back decades, Gothard, 79, and unmarried, is said to have specifically targeted young women and teen girls to perform administrative duties for him at IBLP’s headquarters, where he eventually would make unwanted and inappropriate physical contact while also manipulating them emotionally.” (Christian Post.com)

This comes just months after a scandal at Vision Forum forced the resignation of Doug Phillips. Of course, I’m troubled by this. But what’s more troubling to me is the lack of concern that the homeschool community seems to have for the victims of Gothard’s and Phillips teachings. There seems to be more concern for protecting these men and their “ministries” because it may have a negative impact on homeschooling than for the lives of the people who have been hurt and abused.

What in the world are we thinking?

I’d like to make something very clear: Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips are not the spokesmen for the homeschool movement. They represent an ideology that has somehow, over the years, gotten much more attention than it ever should have received.

These men have told us how to dress, what to say, when to use birth control (or not) and how to school our children. I say it’s time we had a discussion about it. There’s an elephant in the homeschool movement.

Someone said I was making a “mockery” of a fellow Christian by posting a link to the scandal on my page. I disagree. No one is making a mockery of a fellow Christian. Pretending that it didn’t happen is not helping anyone. Is it painful and embarrassing? Yes. Where there’s sin, pain is sure to follow. My heart breaks for the families, especially the women who have been hurt by the patriocentric, hyper-legalistic, hard-core fundamentalist mentality that has erroneously come to represent the homeschool movement.

Am I sorry to have to say names? Yes. But I’m even more sorry this has been allowed to continue unchecked for so long. Enough is enough. The number of women I have spoken privately to over the years who have been deeply wounded by these teachings compels me to break my silence about the ugly side of a movement that I love. The trouble is not homeschooling. The trouble is false or extra-biblical teaching that has infiltrated large parts of the homeschool movement.

Having been directly impacted by this teaching myself, I hope that others may finally find some release from the legalistic, man-centered teaching that these men and others like them espouse. This latest scandal has proven once again that we MUST NOT, we cannot, put our faith in men.

However, we mustn’t “throw the baby out with the bath water.” There are many good teachers out there who are stewarding God’s gift to them wisely and with great humility. But even a good teacher’s message is not above scrutiny. As individuals, we should hold all things up to the authority of Scripture. We must study the Bible for ourselves rather than relying solely on the words of others, even if they seem like good words.

There are many flawed teachings at ATI and Vision Forum. The worst of them have deeply hurt women and young Christian girls who were vulnerable and whose parents were desperately searching for a formula that would produce the desired result. After all, who doesn’t want that perfect family, that obedient child, that perfect marriage? Formulaic teaching produces one of two things: pride (if/when we get it “right”) or discouragement, disillusionment, and guilt when we don’t.

Once again, thousands of parents who were looking to men have been disillusioned and wounded. Once again, we are left to weep and wonder why it was allowed to get this out of control. We must speak out.

By not speaking out, we become guilty by association. For example, it pains me that the seven children God has blessed me and my husband with automatically associates us with the “quiverfull movement.” Frankly, I’m embarrassed to be associated with such a movement. I have finally decided to be brave and just say it: I don’t believe this movement is biblical.

Movements like this start with a true biblical premise, the fact that the Bible says children are a blessing. This is truth! This is the message we should be sharing! However, “ministries” like the ones Gothard and Phillips started tread deeply into areas of personal conviction, in an attempt to make others feel responsible to believe what they believe, even to the point of teaching things the Bible does not clearly address as fact.

My husband and I believe that homeschooling is a wonderful option for families. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we believe it is the best option. We are grieved to see how it has been hijacked by ideologies and legalism, especially since homeschooling affords us and our children so much freedom to learn and grow together. Homeschooling allows committed parents to provide an excellent education for their children. Homeschooling is not the problem.

The bottom line? Unless we begin to study the Bible for ourselves rather than blindly following the teachings of charismatic personalities, we will continue to see these kinds of abuses happen. Until we say collectively that “enough is enough” and talk about what has happened, it will continue.

Don’t turn away. Like a virus, sin festers and grows when it is ignored. Where forgiveness is needed, I pray we will forgive. Where repentance is required, I pray there is repentance. I don’t want our children to think that their father or I rely on anything but God. We don’t have all the answers. There is no formula, only faith guided by God’s truth.

The moment we begin to trust that God really can finish the work in our children that He began through us will be the moment we will truly learn to trust God and stop leaning on formulas. If you ever listen to a teacher or minister who directs you beyond the grace and love of Jesus alone, run. Our hope is in Jesus. No where else.

I’m praying a little more urgently for leaders and pastors and mothers and fathers tonight.

God knows we need His healing touch.

For more information about Jay and Heidi St. John’s ministry:

Sisterhood of Spies: Two Reasons Every Mom Should Be Social Media Savvy

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Last month, a rather embarrassing thing happened to me. A friend of mine tattled on one of my kids. She came to me and rather sheepishly advised me about something she saw of of my children say online.

Great. Now, you’ve got to know: I was sure it wasn’t my child. After all, my child had been advised that they were not to be on the Internet at all for a period of time. There was no way it was my kid. I was sure.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I was wrong. To be clear, it wasn’t the thing my teen said that was the issue. It was the fact that we have rules about what apps they can use what which ones they may not use. It was also a clear violation of the agreement we had about Internet use for that particular week. As in, the kids were told they were NOT to be online. They had been grounded for other reasons from using social media. It was the violation of trust that was the real issue.

I won’t like to you; having another parent tattle to me about my child was embarrassing, but I’m so glad she did! Without that information, my husband and I would have been in the dark about something we needed to know about.

Let me say that again: I’m so glad that someone had the courage to tell me something that I would not have known otherwise.

Years ago, I began telling some of my friends that they had my permission to spy on my kids online. I call it our “Sisterhood of Spies.” We look out for each other. If we see our kids doing something sketchy online or in real life, we’re not afraid to talk about it. We talk openly about the tough stuff of life. In one case I would say it literally saved a child from traveling down a very dark road.

So yes. I’m a spy for my friends. I’ve made a few uncomfortable phone calls to mom friends over the years, too. Do my kids know that I have spies? You betcha. They never know who’s mom is looking over which child’s shoulder when they’re online. It’s fantastic!

You’ve heard that love must be tough, right? Well sometimes, parental love must also be shrewd. Here are two reasons I will always be as social media savvy as I can be:

I want to be able to see who my children are interacting with. You can tell A LOT about a kid by what they post on their Facebook page or Instagram. I want to be very aware of the kinds of people my kids “hang out” with online and in person.
I want to be able to navigate the changing face of social media so that I speak the same language that my teens speak. Listen, when you’re in France, best to know just a little French. (Ask me how I know this.) On the Internet, a little knowledge of the language will help you be a better parent.

I hope you have friends who will be part of your Sisterhood. If you don’t have a SOS, see about asking a few friends to be part of your parenting SOS, especially if your children are online.

Parents can’t be everywhere, but together, we can be more places. Especially online. Be social media savvy!

Be the {online} mom,

Let Them Be Little

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Moms have the most important job in the world. They hold the keys to a child’s childhood and greatly influence the lives of their adult children.

Our kids are growing up too fast. Our kids aren’t being allowed a childhood, thanks to the lack of parental involvement where the Internet is concerned and lack of honest information about what is being taught in school. Today, it’s TMI (too soon) and “over sexed ed” in elementary school. We are doing our children a great disservice by not allowing them to enjoy being innocent.

Whatever happened to tree forts and baby dolls? I miss seeing kids on Big Wheels and riding their bikes. Instead, I see them on their smart phones in line for movies designed to take just a little more of their childhood from them while pushing an agenda that’s anything but child-like.

I miss the days when kids could be little kids. I miss the pre-agenda education that I grew up with.

If you’re a mom, you have the most important job in the world. You get to allow your kids to experience the wonder of being a kid while you shape their hearts and minds in preparation for adulthood.

Sure, we can’t keep them from every damaging thing out there. But we can sure try to maintain their innocence so that they can enjoy the one time of life when the world seems like a nicer place than it really is.

I vote for tree forts and secret codes and disappearing ink. I vote for play kitchens and wooden blocks and bicycles. I vote for roller skating and old Disney movies. I vote for childhood.

Let them be little.

Got teens? “P” is for Parenting … and Perseverance

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Parenting can be a lonely business. Especially where parenting teens in concerned.

If you would have told me twenty-two years ago that one of my bubbly, bright-eyed, adorable little babies would ever be disrespectful or rude to me, I would have said, “not a chance.” After all, my stellar parenting skills and unconditional love would prevent it. Right?

Wrong. My “stellar parenting” skills are sometimes lacking. I’ve experienced a toddler meltdown and a sassy teen. I’ve been humbled by parenting. It’s the thing that brings me to my knees more than any other thing.

Dr. James Dobson once said, “Parenting is not for cowards.” He was right. Today, parents are challenged to know every app that can drag their kids further into the Internet. I know moms who sleep with one eye on the computer and another on the television. We’ve been charged with taking care of a generation of kids who have virtual friends—and some of them are no good.

Parenting isn’t for cowards. It takes a certain bravery to say “no” to that sleepover or that cell phone that your teen wants but which you can’t afford or which they do not deserve or need. It takes bravery give direction to your teen when it feels counter-cultural.

There is a certain “lull” in cyberspace where mothers of teens are concerned. We don’t want to share to much for fear of embarrassing our kids (this is commonly referred to as ‘over-sharing.’) We don’t like to admit that our kids, whom we love deeply, can be a source of pain for us. It can be lonely.

I’ve come to believe that mothers are called to a sort of “quiet” perseverance—especially during the teen years. If this is you, be encouraged. Parenting is tough—even for great parents of great kids! Toddler taming has challenges to be sure, but as we get older, it can be more challenging.

There is something about adolescence that can test a mom’s resolve. Just how strong am I? Parenting teens will help you find out.

I have struggled through days when I did not know if I my adult children would still be my friends. Funny, now that two of my kids are on their own, I still struggle with this same question when it comes to my younger ones. I wonder how long I can be strong—and yet I know that now is not the time to sit on the bench. Too much is at stake.

Stand your ground, precious mom. Stand guard over your child’s heart. Persevere because your kids are worth it.

Tired moms offer some of heaven’s best prayers. Keep them coming. Parent with perseverance.

The best is yet to come!

No One Told Me It Could Be So Hard: 3 Things Every Struggling Mom Needs to Know

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I love my kids. Our seven children range in age from 3 to 22 at the moment. Our oldest daughter and her husband have a beautiful little boy. That makes me *gasp* “Mamsi.” Our youngest daughter is an “aunt” at the age of three. I love that too. Sometimes I look at my children and I cannot believe how fast the years go by—but there are days when I have struggled to appreciate the gift I’ve been given.

Last week, I saw a blog post go by on my Facebook feed from a girl (to call her a woman would be going too far) about why she thinks it’s selfish to have kids. I didn’t visit her blog—since she was obviously writing to boost her blog stats. Such ridiculous dribble. Nope. Not gonna read it.

Not a day later, I received an email from a mom who felt like she was failing. She had met yet another “quiverfull” mom at a homeschool event. I don’t know why we insist on all these labels. From the outside, the family appeared to be the perfect family. Every little girl in dresses; every little boy the perfect … well, little boy. Now, I’ve met dozens of families with dozens of kids over the years. Some of them are my very dear friends. In fact, I believe the family probably didn’t intend to make this mom feel guilty about her own family, but in the end, that’s what happened.

It’s easy for things to look perfect from the outside. We “pin” perfection. Imperfection doesn’t go over so well. I wish we’d all stop trying to appear perfect. It’s not helping anyone. Not really. Motherhood is hard. Much harder than I thought it would be. More demanding for sure. No one told me it was going to be so hard.

When our kids were little and we were in the throes of having them, not one person told me that the real work of mothering goes on long after the potty training and driver’s ed ends. That’s when the real work begins.

I’m going to be brutally honest about the cost of being a mom, because I think it’s time someone was honest. There is a cost. If we’re going to encourage each other at all, we must talk about the hard parts. Parenting is seasonal; each season has it’s ups and downs.

When our kids were all little, parenting was challenging—and the challenge was just to stay alive. It was a marathon of on-the-job training. Stay on top of the laundry, the dishes, the discipline, the mess. My husband and I were challenged to find time to nurture our marriage. We were challenged by the enormous responsibility of shaping little hearts and minds. It was daunting; but it was do-able. It was an exhausting season but a joyful one.

New babies grew to toddlers. Toddlers turned to bright-eyed tweens. More babies. More challenges. I’d love to say I did it perfectly. I didn’t.

As the kids grew, I grew. I grew as a mother. Mostly, I grew from making mistakes. There was the time I yelled at my 15 year old during a teen get together she was hosting at our house. Yeah. That was embarrassing. There was the time I mistook one culprit for another and disciplined the wrong child. Bummer. I apologized. We moved on. We grew again.

As the years passed, the challenge became holding my tongue. It became a call to prayer. I began to learn how to surrender things I could not control with a swat on the bottom or a time out.

As a nearly 44 yr old mother, I see things differently than I did twenty years ago. Honestly, I see a lot of things differently.

I have a little circle of friends I call when I’m stuck. These are women who have been parenting a long time. A few of them have large families like mine. A few don’t. One thing we’re all discovering as we grow into the “older moms”—it’s a marathon. It’s not for sissies. There are three things that I especially wish someone would have told me when my husband and I were in the midst of having children. I hope they’ll encourage you if you’re struggling to appreciate the precious responsibility you have been given in shaping your children.

Labels will mess with you—and they’ll set you up for failure.

Call it what you will: “quiverful” “homeschooling” “patriarchal” … whatever. As soon as you identify with yourself as part of a movement, you’re in for trouble. When I was in my early twenties, we got invited to a parenting class. Eventually, that parenting class gave birth to an entire generation of parents who judged and yard-sticked each other’s every move.

Our kids were held up as examples. The pressure was enormous. Boy how I wish I would’ve avoided that like the plague.The problem with labels is that they’re just another name for formulaic parenting. You know what I’ve learned? There is no formula.

As soon as we believe we’ve found the holy grail of parenting, we fall into the trap that pride has laid for us. Doesn’t matter how clever the disguise. And by the way: the labels are usually passed off “biblical teaching,” too. That’s sad.

We’re all unique. We were not created to be the same or parent the same. We’re different! Be careful not to let someone else define what your family should look like.
Grace, busy mom. Grace

Mothering Is A Continual Surrender

This is a hard one. It’s especially hard as the kids get older and you still have younger ones to parent. You’ll get tired of saying the same thing over and over. You’ll likely get tired of kids arguing. You might wonder what you got yourself into from time to time. That’s okay.

I had to give myself permission to admit how hard motherhood can be. Honestly? Admitting it was the first step toward enjoying it! Somehow I had come to believe that my being tired and wanting to resign from time to time was failing. Turns out, it’s just part of the surrender. Just when I get through a rough patch with one child, another one enters their own rough patch.

Need to make it easier? Find a good friend and be honest about your ups and downs. Keep surrendering.

Your identity should not come from being a mom.

My hunch is that I’m going to take some criticism for this. I think this one is hard very young moms to grasp; but it’s so important! Many years ago, this truth was shared with me from another wise mother. She had raised her five girls and literally poured her life out to do it. When her last child left home, she was devastated. She battled depression and resentment. Her marriage suffered. Finally, at her husband’s request, she decided to do something that was just for her.She told me she wished she had done it years earlier. She began a small craft business and now, she’s enjoying a season of being a grandmother and an Etsy entrepreneur.

Her advice to me? “Do something to nurture your spirit while you nurture your children. Don’t wait until they’re grown.” .. and so, I began to write. Fifteen years ago I started writing a little column for our church newsletter. I loved it. It helped me think about something other than dishes and diapers. Eventually I wrote a book. Then another.

People sometimes ask me how I find time to write when I’m raising children. I don’t find time. I make it. Sometimes, it’s early in the morning. Sometimes it’s late. Truthfully? Writing is a joy for me. So I make time for it. Find your identity in being the woman God has created you to be. Part of your identity is found in motherhood. Where else is it found? What gifts has He given you? Do you like to organize? Teach? Sew? Write?

If you take time to nurture your spirit, even just a little, while your children are still growing, when they leave, you’ll find the transition will be easier.

Go easy on yourself, mom. Give yourself grace as you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of parenting. If you need to take a break, take a break. Pour some Cheerios for dinner and make a list of what you have to be thankful for. Write your dreams out—breathe deep.

Motherhood only lasts for a season. Some of us have longer seasons than others but in the end, motherhood is a journey worth taking.

Now excuse me. I hear hollering from the other room… I think the toddler is having an issue.

Where’s my cape? Bless her heart, my toddler is the only one of my seven kids who still thinks I wear one.