Tag Archives: be encouraged

He Knows My Name

I looked in the mirror the other day and laughed along with God.

No joke.

I laughed.

Why? Because I have seven kids, that’s why.  And I think it makes God smile.

Why? Because it’s me, that’s why. 

Me.

The woman who has to buy silk plants because I have a startling ability to kill both plants and small animals. (I boiled my fish to death in their aquarium when I was 14.  True story.)

In my defense, the thermostat broke while I was at school. But still. I think I have PTSD from that episode.

God knew all about my anti-nurturing qualities and still, He saw fit to entrust me with seven precious lives.

Seven.

S E V E N beautiful pairs of baby feet.  Made just for me and my husband by the God of the universe.

baby_feet

I think God is smiling at me right this minute, thinking about my dead fish and my silk plants—and those seven precious people who call me … MOM.

You see, God knows me. I’ve learned He knows me better than I know myself.

He knows my name.

I like to picture Him saying it … I listen for it.

And I hear Him—in the stillness that comes with the morning light. I hear Him.  “Heidi.”

Just.Like.That.  Gentle. Patient.

Like a father should be.

Like any good father, He knew I was terrified of motherhood. Terrified that I was destined to repeat a generational sin in my family. Terrified that I was not equipped to take care of a baby.  Terrified that I would mess it up. And even more terrified to admit it.

My Father knew my fears as a young mother-to-be.

And He still knows them. {He’s good like that.}

Sometimes, Father lets me wrestle with a question. Sometimes, He sends an answer.

Rarely early. Never late.

I think He knows when I need an answer and when I can wait a while longer.

In September of 1991, I had a question that couldn’t wait. I needed an answer.

Life hung in the balance.

New life.

He knows my name. He knows my name.

I was a woman who was about to give birth.  My fear of failing bubbled to the surface. My spirit struggled under the weight of  an uncertain future.

Could I do this?  Really?
Would I be an angry mother?
Could I overcome my fear?

Just a few days before our precious first-born entered this world, I broke down. Tears rolled down my face and dropped quietly onto my burgeoning belly. It was time to face my fear.

He knows my name.

As I sat in the living room of a dear woman of God, I confided in her. I unpacked my fears. I told my story.

And God sent me His answer through this precious friend.

Rarely early. Never late.

“I can’t do it!” I wailed. “I don’t know how! I don’t know how not to be angry.”

It was all I had ever known, really. Anger.

He knows my name.

“Heidi, ” Nola said, “Why are you crying? God has made you new.  You are a new creation! You are redeemed! Called by name. Loved. Set apart. You are not bound by your past. You.Are.New.”

He knows my name.

In that moment, I was set free. Free to be the woman God made me to be. Free to be the mother I wanted to be.

That was nearly twenty-two years ago.

Do I still battle with my fears? Yes.

Do I struggle? Fall? Fail?

Yes.

But here’s the thing: I’m learning what it means to be truly free.

Free to be imperfect. Free to ask for help.

Free to mess things up.  To ask for grace —grace to be the woman God sees when He looks at me.

He knows my name.

He knows your name too, precious mom. He knows your fears—He’s seen your failures.

And He loves you.

You can trust Him with your fears and your failures. Lean hard into His arms. He can hold you up.

He knows your name. Can you hear Him saying it?

Look up. Listen.

He knows your name.

forest.sierra

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

God is Present

If you’ve been hanging around my blog for a while, then you know that I am a follower of Jesus. I am here to bear witness to the healing power and awesome forgiveness of Jesus. I am also a woman who has been set free—and I don’t care who knows it. I was lost—and now I’m found… blind, and now I see!  I’m a new creation in Christ! It makes me want to shout and sing!

Some of you may have read a post I wrote some time ago, called “Broken.” I take such comfort in knowing that God thinks my “broken” is actually beautiful. It means I don’t have to have it all together. And it means that I can learn to love broken people like me.  Amy Grant once said, “Hard times come—and they’ll come til’ we’re done.”  Wise words.

Being in Christ doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days though. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble!” Bummer. I don’t get a “pass” on suffering. But. Because I trust the Lord, and because I’ve experienced His faithfulness, I see a greater purpose in suffering. I’m learning to trust Him more every day, even when I don’t understand— I trust. ♥ This morning, I was reading in Psalms and one little verse popped out at me:

“God is present in the company of the righteous.” (Ps. 14)

I love that. God is present. He’s here! He listens. And He loves us.

In another Psalm (Ps 46), we read that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Again—EVER present. God doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t get tired of us. He longs for an intimate relationship with us, because HE created us. He cares about the smallest detail—right down to our homeschooling and our marriages.

If you’ve experienced the healing power and forgiveness of Jesus, then you’ve got something to celebrate, no matter what life throws at you.  Even those two-year-old tempter tantrums become an exercise in grace, when we remember that God is present. It means that you can see your children through the eyes of grace.

Because once we’ve been forgiven—we forgive.

love_kids

You’ve got a reason to to lace up your running shoes and run the race that’s been set before you today with endurance. Why? Because God’s running with you. He’s the best running partner ever. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That means that before we take on someone else’s expectation today, we need to ask the Lord what His expectation is. Are you listening, busy mom?

God is.

Heidi St John Guide to Romance

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Dear Busy Homeschool Mom {Don’t Worry}

Joni writes:

I am a 25 year old wife, mother of a soon to be 2 year old tornado! Hubby and I have seriously been considering homeschooling before and ESPECIALLY after recent events… I have nervous/terrifed/happy/awesome feelings about it. I want my son to be able to have to ‘joys’ of school that I had, but the freedom of a flexible schedule and being able to move forward sooner than the norm. I love to teach him, but I am terrified that I won’t be able to handle it once he gets to the harder years (grades 9 and up?). I have so many mixed emotions, but I am pulled towards home-schooling.

From Heidi:
I gotta admit: when we began our journey of homeschooling, the very “idea” of homeschooling through high school terrified me, too. After all, it’s a big undertaking!

But here’s the thing. You’ve got nothing.but.time right now. Part of the beauty of being where you are in your parenting is that you don’t have to worry about high school. Or Jr. High. Or even 2nd grade. 🙂 You get to love on your little Tornado right now.

When the time comes, you will have what you need. I remember when our oldest was entering Jr. High. I panicked. I mean it. I was stressing over everything from math to grammar. Fortunately, a mom who had been where I was took the time to talk me down out of my tree.

Her advice? “Do the next thing.” Don’t let fear of the future keep you from enjoying the present. All you need to do is the next thing. So if you are teaching letters and sounds, the next thing is blending them. If you’re teaching your toddler colors, then the next thing is identifying objects by their color and so on.

The point is, enjoy where you are. Don’t worry. And by the way, homeschooling through high school was one of the best adventures we went on with our kids. It was worth it. When the times comes, you will be ready—and you’ll have what you need. Enjoy that toddler!

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Accidental Homeschooler

Many of you know me as “The Busy Homeschool Mom.”A few of you have heard me speak, heard me on the radio or read one of my books. Most people know that my husband and I have seven children ages 2-21, and that we’ve been married for about twenty-four years. And you probably know that I like to laugh.

What you may NOT know about me is that I used to be 100% against homeschooling. Yep.  You read it right. I was the mom that all the homeschool moms I knew ran from.  I just didn’t get homeschoolers.  After all, WHY would anyone want to stay home all day with their kids when they could have the luxury of dropping them off at school and giving the job of educating them to someone else?  (in my best Grinch voice, “Why, why , why, WHY?”)

I just didn’t get it.

The UNIFORM, circa 1993

Besides.  I didn’t have the uniform.  The dreaded “denim jumper” which was being worn by almost every homeschool mom I knew at the time made me wonder if homeschoolers were part of a cult rather than a movement.  A girl needs to consider these things!  I mean, I like jumpers but I really like my jeans.  What was the point of the uniform? I figured it must have something to do with identifying other homeschoolers. No one at the small private school where we had enrolled our first child was really sure.

Truthfully, I felt judged by all those jumper-wearing homeschool moms who, I was told, were making their own jumpers and growing their own wheat while I was buying Wonder Bread on sale and following (dare I say it?) a fashion trend or two now and again.

I felt guilty every time I ran into a homeschool mom at church. I did my best to avoid the topic of education. After all, we had sent our first child to *gasp* PRESCHOOL, and I knew for a fact that this wasn’t going over well in the homeschool mom’s coffee club.

I did have a few friends who were homeschooling. So I did what any good friend would do: I tried my best to help these poor, tired moms “see the light.”  I invited them to plays and open house night at my daughter’s school. I was sure to talk about how great it was to drop Savannah off at school and spend “quality time” with her little sister.  I even went so far as to take their children to “bring a friend to school day” at the school.  Looking back, I’m a *teensy bit* embarrassed by my behavior. These homeschool moms, bless them, were patient with me.  Never once did one of them tell me to take a hike; and heaven knows, I had it coming.

Of course, I had my own doubts about having our daughter in school. I noticed that because of my husband’s job, he was missing our daughter during most of her waking hours. When he had a few free hours, she was in school. When he came home, she was in bed.  I also noticed that the attitudes of the siblings toward each other were hindered during the school week; I felt as if I was having to “overcorrect” because of the attitudes and actions that Savannah came home with after school.  There were conversations Savannah had with older students on the playground that I would have PAID to have wait another ten years, too.

In the mid 90’s, we ended up in the small town of Wilsonville, Oregon. We enrolled her in a small public school in the little town of Canby. I loved her 2nd grade teacher. The schoolbus came right to our door every morning at 7:30. I thought I had it pretty good.

Meanwhile, Sierra, who was eager to join her big sister, wanted to go to Kindergarten. Trouble was, she missed the age cutoff by a week.  A week!  I decided to console Sierra by telling her I would teach her some things at home. This seemed to do the trick so I set about trying to find workbooks and other materials in order to give her something like “school” to do at home.

I avoided using the word homeschool.  I avoided it like the plague.

But even though I was avoiding it, God was working. God has a way of bringing us around to His way of thinking.

I soon discovered that there was a homeschool supply store about 45 minutes from our house. I decided to “casually” go and check it out. When I arrived, I was overwhelmed by the amount of materials and wonderful books available to homeschooling families.  I asked the store owner what he would suggest for a “non-homeschooler” like me.  He graciously pointed out a few of the curriculum choices. He asked what I wanted to accomplish with Sierra.  I said I just wanted to help her get ready for “real” school.  Then I ducked. But he didn’t flinch. I suspected he had spoken to my kind before.

I left the store with a copy of “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” and a math workbook.  I must admit, I was secretly excited to try my hand at teaching Sierra to read.  I had no clue where to start the process, so having a book that gave step by step instructions was just what I needed.

It took about a week of teaching Sierra at home for me to begin to see that I had been totally wrong about homeschooling. All these years I thought homeschooling was about chains, but I was finding freedom instead!  Freedom in the way we did school, freedom in when we did school!  Even the school bus taking our daughter to and from school could not compete with the amount of time I was saving by schooling at home.

My relationships with my children began to be filled with a new sense of purpose as well; I loved seeing Sierra’s eyes light up when she understood a concept for the first time. Knowing that I was able to teach her made it even better. Before too long, we had vowel charts up in the kitchen and posters of the Presidents adorned the walls of the nook where we sat to read. I had to admit:  I was an accidental homeschooler. And I didn’t care who knew it.

I could go on and on about how the Lord softened my heart and drew Jay and me closer together in the process of deciding to pull Savannah out of public school. But that’s another post.  I could tell you about the richness that our family has experienced through homeschooling that we never even thought was possible—but that too, is another post.

I could also tell you that homeschooling is stinkin’ hard.  But boy, is it worth it.  And nothing in this life that’s worth doing, I have discovered, is ever easy.

Homeschooling is not for everyone. But I believe that there are more moms out there like me than not. Maybe you’re watching a homeschool mom right now, wondering what craziness came over her that she would choose to stay home with her children when someone else would take them off her hands for the day.  Well, I’m here to tell you, you’re right. It’s crazy. it’s at least seventeen different kinds of crazy.  Crazy good. Crazy hard. Crazy crazy. Crazy adventure. Crazy amazing.

Turns out homeschooling is not about denim jumpers.  There are no uniforms.  It is as hard as I thought it might be … maybe even more, some days.

And I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Knowledge vs. Wisdom

Most of you know that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. With that said, this is on my heart today after receiving an email from an overwhelmed, discouraged mom:

A lot of talk about education swirls around methodologies for imparting “knowledge” – but we must be careful not to mistake wisdom for knowledge. So many homeschool moms burn out because they are pulled into a model of education that is burdensome and overwhelming.

Moms, homeschooling should not be burdensome.

That’s not to say it’s isn’t HARD at times but rather, that it should not run you over and leave you on the side of the road for dead.  Jesus said to take His yoke upon you.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That’s not to say we don’t teach our children academics—but the focus on the “uber-academic” worries me as more and more parents make education an accidental idol.  Yes, an idol.  Academics in this culture have become just that in many circles—and as a result, our children are gaining in knowledge but lack wisdom.

When you are choosing which method of homeschooling to pursue with your children, ask yourself, “How can I teach my children to love and follow God above all other things?” It’s easy to follow a formula, and forget that the traditions of men often lead to ruin. The Bible says that knowledge “puffs up”.

As parents, we should be interested in teaching wisdom first, because knowledge without wisdom leads to pride.
And pride leads to ruin.

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:8 (NIV1984)

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

{Broken}

Broken. It’s the word I use the most when people ask me who I am.

Broken.

I’m a mess, really.  Memories linger, but with little time to process them. Laundry abounds. Dinner calls. I’m often short-tempered. I’m often frustrated by things that carry no eternal significance.

I often forget how truly blessed I am. 

The Liar is tricky. He whispers “What do you have to offer? Look how broken you are.”  And yes I am. I must confess. I often have more questions than answers.

I wonder. Will my children be broken like I am broken? In my heart I know they will.  Because, really, we’re all broken. That’s why we need a Savior. We do the best we can, in our brokenness. I have found myself crying out to God as I carry the weight of the “what ifs” in life … and I must daily learn (again) to yield to God what I cannot control.

I make the mistake of scanning Facebook. More things that remind me. We.Are.Broken.  I try not to feel overwhelmed. There is much to do. Much that my heart aches for in this broken world.

In my brokenness, I’m learning to see something beautiful. I’m learning that being broken is its own kind of beautiful. Being broken means that I don’t have to struggle with the pain of perfectionism (although I still sometimes do.)

Being broken provides a freedom all it’s own—because there can be no glass houses for broken people. No need to compare brokenness. After all, we are all broken the same. Different kinds of broken—but still broken.

Being broken means I am in need of constant repair—and so I find myself at the feet of the One who heals—again.

There is strength there.

My husband touches my hand. He tells me (again) me how cherished I am.

He reminds me that our children will learn from our brokenness. I love this strong, gentle man. He is a gift. Part of my healing. He tempers me.

I need that.     … You too?

 

Broken people carry a beauty all their own. And broken people who know they have been redeemed—bought with a price—are radiant with a light that transcends the pain of this life.

Very little in this life compares to the beauty the comes from brokenness.  The beauty that comes from ashes —is available to me. And you.

As the news plays in the background, and the weight of this life threatens to overwhelm, I claim the gift of brokenness. I claim it to find healing, and peace. I claim it for the one thing I cannot find without being broken. I claim it for grace. I claim it today, again.

Grace.

Grace in my brokenness — healing.

Praise the Lord.

Heidi St John Guide to Romance

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages