Category Archives: Parenting

When It’s All Said and Done

testing

People often ask our older kids what it was like to be homeschooled through high school. When I was at a convention a few weeks ago, I asked Sierra, one of our graduated daughters, if she would be willing to take questions from parents near the end of the workshop.

She agreed–but I’ll be honest: I was a little worried about what she would say when asked the tough questions from new homeschooling parents. After all, the homeschooling years were not all easy. A lot of them were (and are) hard.  Our kids have traveled the country with us as we plant homeschool co-ops, speak and do the ministry God has asked us to do.

That often means 12 hour days in the van, breakdowns (of about every sort), attitude adjustments and  yes, “memories.” I wondered, what would Sierra say about all this?  Like every other mom, I often wonder how much therapy it will take for our children to recover from their childhood.  Can you relate?

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As I expected, when Sierra was asked about her childhood, her answers were real. She did’t sugar-coat it.  I made mistakes. Yes, there were good days–but there were also hard ones. That’s life, isn’t it?  Nothing that’s worth doing in this life is easy.

I saw this post on Sierra’s page today. It made me smile – and then, it made me cry.  When it’s all said and done, when homeschooling is over the books are closed for the last time, I want my kids to remember that we loved them.  That we championed their childhood by giving the opportunities while we taught them the value of family and home and others.

sierra_oneSierra and me in 1994

The relationships you are building with your kids matter, busy mom. Long after you close that math book, by God’s grace, you will still have a relationship with your child. Nurture their spirit along with their mind.  It’s worth it.

Here is Sierra’s post.

 

A man asked me a few weeks back, “What was the greatest thing that you could take away from homeschooling through high school?”

Without hesitation I answered: “my relationships.” We definitely put the “school” in “homeschool.” But we also put a fair amount of “home” in it as well. They say “home is where the heart is.” For us, that means Jesus, family and friends. I look back on my life, and that’s all I see. My cup overfloweth with beautiful memories of time “well wasted” spending hour after hour with family and friends- usually at the same time. I look back and think to myself, “Man. My family really knows how to LIVE.”

Rummaging through old childhood photographs today (you know, deleting the ones I took of my shoes, random piles of books, millions of leaves- things I somehow thought I’d want for forever) I found it to be bittersweet–-but mostly sweet. Nothing but smiles, fun (and most importantly) lots of LOVE. My childhood is full of nothing but beautiful, happy memories.

Life has had it’s hardship. But it’s becoming more and more evident to me that when Jesus said, “I have overcome the world,” he really meant it! And when he said, “Take heart,” he meant that, too. “BE ENCOURAGED!” Life was meant to be lived to the fullest, enjoyed with brothers and sisters as we live our purposed lives for our Heavenly Father and Creator! The thirst, need and hunger for relationships that is in us, is there for a reason. God put it there because it’s important to HIM. He loves and cherishes us.

If what I’ve tasted of relationships and love is but a sample of what’s to come in this life… eternity is looking better and better. Thank you, Jesus, for your perfect example of sacrificial, selfless love.

I can honestly say, after undergoing all levels of life with my family (including being stuck in a van for weeks on end) I am SO blessed! I would have it no other way.

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus!” Philippians 3:13

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When it’s all said and done, it’s worth it.

Plant with the harvest in mind,

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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

10 Things I Ask Myself

Dear Busy Mom,

Some of you have heard me talk about all my … well, my mothering mistakes.  Pretty much, I’ve made a bunch of them. I’ve yelled, been impatient, rude and even unkind at times. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and marveled that God has entrusted me (me!) with the wondrous responsibility of shepherding small hearts.

Maybe you can relate.

I wrote this list in my journal some years ago to help me “plant with the harvest in mind.”  You see, motherhood drives me to my knees–all the time.

It’s been said that there are “no perfect mothers … but a million ways to be a good mom.”

Keep trying, busy mom.  You don’t have to be perfect.  There are no perfect moms, but there sure are a lot of great ones.

Here’s my list–I hope it encourages you.

Keep growing,
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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

Don’t Try {So Hard}

The other day, I heard Amy Grant’s new song, Don’t Try So Hard. It really spoke to me. In fact, her whole album (How Mercy Looks From Here)blessed me. It’s encouraging to hear someone else talk about how God is teaching them what it means to follow Him.  I loved the way Amy wrote about trying to please others:

Do you remember how the summers felt when we were kids
Oh we didn’t think much about it,
we just lived
Taking our time,
beautiful leisure
When did we start,
trying to measure up
And all this time, 
love has been trying to tell us

Don’t try so hard
God gives you grace and you can’t earn it
Don’t think that you’re not worth it

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like to disappoint others. I think most of us are wired that way. I rarely meet a mom who is not an overachiever on some level. We all want to be the best mothers we can be. We want the best for our kids. We want to be the wife our husband dreamed of.

Several weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting a mother of ten while speaking in the midwest.

She felt like a failure.  “Turns out, ” she said, “that the number of kids we have doesn’t equal godliness. Someone told me it did.”  We tried so hard to “do it right,”  she said.

It wasn’t that she was unhappy that they had ten children, either — it was just that years of trying to meet someone else’s expectation for her family had left her with very little margin in her life.

And, as it turned out, following someone else’s idea for what her family was supposed to look like was exhausting.

I know how that feels.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I could relate to her. We cried a little, standing in that hotel lobby.

We try so hard to “get it right…”

Dress like this. Eat like that. Listen to this. Don’t listen to that. Right way. Wrong way. My way… your way. 

It’s hard pleasing people.

Thank God, we don’t have to.

We just need to please the Lord.

In Galatians 1:10, we read, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Am I seeking the approval of God or man? It’s a good question, isn’t it?

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Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Jesus gives us just three imperatives about how to do this thing called life:

  1. Come to Me. (Pray.)
  2. Take My yoke.  (Carry the yoke God has designed just.for.you.)
  3. Learn from Me. (Read the Bible, busy mom. God wants to speak to you.)

No need to keep up with the Joneses. No need to meet anyone else’s expectations.

Don’t try so hard.

God gives us grace for each day. We can’t earn it.

There is joy that comes from pleasing our heavenly Father.  It brings peace–and freedom. A freedom that comes from knowing that we’ve asked the Lord to direct our path. It makes everyone else’s path pale in comparison!

Spend time in God’s word, busy mom!  Seek Him every day.

Then, take His yoke. He wants to carry it with you.

Don’t try so hard.

Lean in. Press on. Live in freedom.

You are loved.

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*THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. THE SMALL PERCENTAGE I EARN FROM THESE LINKS DOES NOT ALTER THE CONTENT OF MY POST.*

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Kick Comparison to the Curb

I’m so excited to share this guest post with you today.  My friend, Rachel Martin writes encouraging letters for weary, tired, anxious, persevering moms just like you, and this post about comparison is just what many of us need to hear today, tomorrow and every day following! So rest today, Mom, as you enjoy this encouragement from Rachel! ~ signature-heidi

A friend once told me that comparison is the death of contentment. She told it to me as I wandered the aisles of her homeschool store browsing catalogs, brochures, books, and math manipulatives while the whole time working myself into a giant ball of anxiety. I kept seeing all the things that I didn’t finish and wishing that I had more time. I felt like I was failing as a homeschool mother. In fact, in that moment I felt like I was plain and simple not measuring up. Continue reading →

Twenty Things I Wish I’d Known When I was Twenty

Good morning, busy moms!  Ready for another day?

Our family hits the road again this morning, driving from Kansas City, MO to just outside of Knoxville, TN.  We’re heading to Spartanburg, SC for the Teach Them Diligently Convention. I can’t wait to get there!  I’m sitting here blogging … avoiding getting the kids up from their snuggly beds.  We’ve had a good rest here in Kansas City. Good friends. Good conversation-a real time of refreshing.

I shall try to remember that as we spend the next

Twelve.Hours.In.The.Van.  {cue the violins}

Today, I’m choosing to remember some things I jotted down in my journal–’cause I’ll probably need to refer to the list at least once today. 🙂

Sierra_merrygo-round

Blessed perspective. One of the things I’ve gained in 22 years of parenting is the gift of perspective.

And it hasn’t come easy. I’ve decided I learn most things the hard way.

Skinned knees and all.

I scribbled a list of things I wish I had known when I started homeschooling all those years ago… but it applies to every mom–because every mom is a teacher.

1. Relationships are the key to successful parenting. My investment in training and teaching our kids when they’re young is key to enjoying them when they’re adults.

2. Education is discipleship. And because of that …
3. “School” should never become the “main” thing. I’ll be my kids’ mom long after the math book is finished.
4. Character training always comes before curriculum.

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5. When I’m frustrated and on the verge of burnout, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate what we’re doing. I might be missing something.
{insert vague memories of times when I’ve discovered this before burnout, rather than after.}

6. His yoke is easy… which means …

7. Homeschooling done right will NOT run me over and leave me on the side of the road for dead.
{insert memory of burdensome curriculum and times when I forget about what really matters.}

8.  Marriage needs to consistently come … before mothering.

9.  I’m homeschooling, not trying to do “school at home”. There really is a difference.

10.  Sometimes, baking cookies is better than math. And it will often accomplish the same thing with better results. 🙂

 

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11.  Homeschooling through high school is not as scary as “they” say… and worth far more than I imagined.

12.  Teenagers need their parents more than they let on.

13.  It really does go by as fast as “they” say so now is a good time to think about what I want the homeschool years to accomplish.
In other words, what kind of children do I want to raise?

14.  Sow good things into the lives of the kids now … reap good things later.

15.  Sow wind … reap a storm.

16.  It takes time for flowers to bloom. They do it in due season.

Come to think of it … twenty years is about right.

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When I remember this, I also remember that my kids aren’t really listening to me most of the time.  BUT…  They.Are.Watching.

17.  My actions will speak for me.

18. Apologize.

19.  It’s okay to ask for help. Asking for help with homeschooling is good, not a sign of weakness.  {repeat often}

20. Being real is better than pretending to have it all together.  No one really has it all together anyway.
Except God. He’s good like that.

Okay, and one more.

Never leave Sharpie markers unattended.

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Dug Down Deep: Strong Roots, Strong Kids

intentional_arborist

Got Roots?

Not the “grow out” roots you get from an overdue visit with your hair stylist.  The other kind.

The roots I’m picturing belong to the tree that is described in Psalm 1. When talking about what the righteous look like, David said this:

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.

Psalm 1:1-3

Can you picture those trees? They are strong. Their roots run deep. They’re anchored in rich soil. They’ve been carefully nurtured.

How?  Well by a specialist, of course. An arborist, to be exact.

So what is an arborist?

Dictionary.com says this:

ar·bor·ist

noun ˈär-bə-rist
a specialist in the cultivation and care of trees and shrubs, including tree surgery, the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of tree diseases, and the control pests.

See if this describes your job as a busy mom:

Cultivation and care of your child— check!
Requires some heart surgery—mostly the “inner” kind—check!
Demands a diagnosis from time to time—and treatment too—check!
Preventative in nature—check!
Pest control?  You know it!

Yep. I thought so. You’re an arborist.

If you’ve got kids, you’re an arborist. Only you’re tending to the eternal, not the temporal. You’re impacting the future, one tiny trim and watering at a time.

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I’ve been privileged to watch some amazing arborists in my time. And guess what? They didn’t do everything right.  But I’ll say this: they were intentional about caring for their little saplings. The best arborists are trees too, you know, and they have learned to bend so that they don’t break.  They haven’t over-watered their young trees with the language of legalism. Instead, they cover their young with grace—and the occasional, necessary pruning.

Strong kids almost always have this in common: they’ve been patiently, tenderly, intentionally nurtured over time by parents who take their job seriously.

These parents—these tree-whisperers—are doing what is arguably the most important job on the earth: they are raising the next generation.

The world we live in is challenging. It’s easy for young saplings to get torn out by their roots when cultural winds blow.

And the winds are sure blowing now, aren’t they?

But strong trees—trees that are rooted deep in the rich soil of God’s truth and grace— are not blown about by the winds that surround them.

As a mother, it is comforting to know that God cares deeply, even more than I, about our young orchard. I don’t have to worry about what to teach our children about truth—since truth does not change. God has spoken to the really important matters already. He has told us how to love—and He has shown us how to love. We must love in spirit and in truth.

Is it tough?  Does in rain in Washington?

I’m learning — sometimes the hard way — that I can be an intentional arborist without having it all together also. I don’t have to have every answer.  But I must be willing and I must be rooted. Willing to put in the long hours, and willing to tend to my own root system: my marriage, my own relationship with God and my relationships with others.  After all, strong roots—strong mother.

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So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

  • Get rooted yourself.
    You’ll need fertilizer. God’s Word is the best there is!
    Strong roots=strong mama. You can’t be like that tree in Psalm 1 if you’re not rooted first in the soil of the Bible. Spend time with the Lord each day. I like to read just a chapter each day in the Psalms and this year, I’m going through the New Testament. Don’t know where to start? Try the book of Philippians. You can’t go wrong.
  • Get praying.
    Need wisdom?  I sure do!  Seems like each one of our seven children needed an entirely new set of instructions! Cookie-cutter parenting simply doesn’t work. Ask God specifically for the needs of your children. Name them. God made and designed them, so it makes sense that He would know what each child needs. Even that strong-willed child.  Yeah. That one might require some extra prayer.  I know my poor mother had her hands full with me!  “Lord, help me shape this strong will for YOUR GLORY!”
  • Get the BIGGER picture.
    Boy, is it hard to see past tantrums, late nights, long conversations, repeated instruction, consistent discipline, failure, disappointment.  (And I’m just talking about my own issues here!) Goodness knows we’ve got to see the WHY or we can easily get lost in the oh-so-daily tasks of parenting. Mom, you are doing an amazing job.  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

    What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren.  I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

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  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

The work you do now will yield a harvest of joy if you hang in there. Plant tenderly.  Sow with love. Plant with the harvest in mind.

The harvest is coming, busy mom. As I watch my adult children interact with my little ones, I am reminded of how fast the years go.  Indeed, the days can be long, but the years go by fast.

Know what I mean?

You sure look cute in those arborist overalls, by the way.

They suit you.

Got_saplings

 

The St. Johns are the publishers and co-authors of Firmly Planted, a Bible study for the entire family.  Check it out here.

“Grab hold of that higher calling!”

In this blogging world there are so many great writers who have so much wisdom to share! I decided it’s time to invite some of them to share with my readers, so without further adieu  my first “Friday’s Friend,” Rebecca from Mom’s Mustard Seeds.

“If you would teach your kids better, they wouldn’t do that.”

Those words hurt as they were flung across asphalt. This Mama heart was in the midst of our third year homeschooling and the day the words were spoken, was the third anniversary of my Mom’s death.

I was devastated.

And those words ‘of not doing enough’ began to take root.

Steal Your Joy

I began to believe them. As I read words from others, I saw how so many Moms live in what seems like a ‘ground hog day of motherhood’. Same failures, different days. Day after day – wake up, cry, feel pity, feel guilty, seek others, go to bed, cry- repeat. I enjoyed not being ‘alone’.

I began to realize little by little that I was not moving forward. I was not living each day for the one who created me. It hit me that I was living to overcome the words that were spoken. I was living in a ‘do’ mentality.

Don't Miss the Small Moments

I was allowing the judgement and misunderstanding of one who does not know me drive me into a pit and eat away at my peace like a vulture.

Have you ever lived in that ‘do’ mentality? You know, the one where if you just ‘do’ this or you ‘do’ that, then your children will ‘do’ what they are supposed to ‘do’ and others will see that you are ‘doing’ the right thing and you’ll be loved and accepted.

But, that mentality of doing – is not where we are supposed to live.

We, as mothers, have a higher calling.

I found that calling late one night, as I curled up in a chair,wrapped in a blanket and tears poured down my cheeks.

The words I read provided my true worth and helped me to find my joy again. It was there, that I began to hear my Father, His words and His calling. He showed me the truth that while I have my own part to play, He is the one who works in me and I have to submit to His word and will:

“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Phil 2:13 ESV

Keep Your eye on the prize

Which then took me down a path of identifying what that looks like in my life, as his child – being the wife and mother he created me to be. Not the person, mom or wife others think I should be. Their thoughts and misunderstandings only lead me down the right path when they are founded on his word. But, it’s up to me, truly to find it and bury it in my heart.

First, I am a wife. I want to be a wife of noble character. I desire to be an excellent wife. These things are not something I can truly be or do. But, I can set my eyes on the words of God – I can bury them in my heart and meditate on them. The more I do that, the more I will become the wife I was created to be – the wife I long to be…..

Wife

Download this printable here

And then, I am a mother. In the world, motherhood has become less than a blessing. It is no longer lifted up as a position to be admired, but of one who is almost less than the lowest. I can’t keep my eyes on that. I refuse to be stuck in the monotony of a life that is less than ordinary. And I definitely do not want to to grab hold of the ground hog day mentality.

Oh, it’s easy to do – in the days of diapers and toys. The days of hormonal changes and car dashes here and there. But, our perception of truth can only be attained in the words of the Father. So, I pulled open the book and again, I sought words to guide and encourage me….

Mother

Download this printable here

To be a wife and a Mom in today’s world takes courage and perseverance. This is not an ordinary life and our love begins in our homes. But, we, Moms need to join together and grow friendships that are so beautiful that others see us and see the beauty of grace and mercy that only shines from the light of Christ. We need to learn how to disagree but get along, and embrace our differences – because we are all created by the one who created the world.

Don't Miss the Small Things

While we grab on to this life, we need to embrace the small moments with our family.

Being a wife and a Mom – it’s hard, but beautiful. Grab on and don’t miss out on the little things that matter most! There will be hard days and days that run so beautifully, we will forget the bad.

Will you join me? Let’s reach out, share the truth about the good and the bad. Let’s form a bond so close that even in the midst of the muck and mire the beauty of the Savior shines so bright it opens the eyes of those walking around with their heads down. It’s time….

Rebecca remarried the love of her life and witnesses the beauty of God’s Grace and Mercy every day of her life. Her goal is to immerse her children in God’s Love, Word, Grace and Mercy so that He is the One they seek to glorify in all of their works and deeds. She is a Project Manager by trade, climbed the corporate ladder, made that big pay check. Yet, God brought her home and she has found more joy and riches in the hugs and kisses, and yes, the tears and sweat, of being home and discipling her children than she ever found in the corporate world. The days can be long, but sitting at the foot of the cross with her children is beautiful, and she prays she will help raise up a new generation of leaders, shining the Lord’s light in our dark world. She cannot wait to encourage you in your Homeschool Journey. Find Rebecca on Facebook and Twitter and on her blog, Mom’s Mustard

Rebecca Brandt

Heidi St John Guide to Romance