Category Archives: Faith

How to Hang On to the Knot at the End of Your Rope

You’ve heard the old saying, I’m sure:

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

It’s a great visual, isn’t it? But here’s my question, “What do you do next?” I mean you can’t just hang there at the end of your rope, holding on to a knot forever, can you?

I recently found myself nearing the end of my own rope. Living life as a  a wife, mom, and homeschool teacher, who also works from home, blogs, attempts to love my neighbor, and suffers with chronic pain . . well, it all just took it’s toll on me. There were days when I literally felt like a knot was not going to be big enough for me to hang on to. Have you ever had that kind of anxiety, where you feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, and one small breeze is going to knock you over it. That was me.

Something had to change. Actually some thingS had to change. But I had to begin, and I quickly discovered that figuring out where to begin was the hardest part. The following are the steps I took, and if you, too, are finding yourself at the end of your rope, or standing on the edge of a cliff trying to keep the wind at bay, I hope you will find hope and useful action steps here.

Evaluate

You may need to write this stuff down in order to really see the big picture, but begin evaluating your life.

  • Where are you spending your time? Be honest with yourself.
  • What is the focus of most of your energy?
  • Whose needs are you expected to meet on a daily or weekly basis. Are you doing so?
  • Why are you over-committed?

It didn’t take me long to figure out that I was spending much more time and energy on projects outside of my responsibilities as a wife and homeschool mom, than I should be. While I was serving my clients and readers well, I was doing a poor job of serving my family. The house was a mess, not enough homeschooling was getting done, we were eating more take-out than home-cooked meals, and I was not sleeping enough. This upside-down way of living will cause tremendous stress, not only because you will not have enough time in your days, but also because it will cause your relationships to suffer. Not to mention the exhaustion. Eventually, the lack of sleep will catch up with you. It did with me. And as a middle-aged woman living with auto-immune disease, this is probably the part that was tipping me over the edge the most.

The cause of your upside-down living might be different than mine. Perhaps you’re spending too much time serving your church (you can do that, really) or your community. Maybe you’re allowing friends or neighbors to take advantage of your time because you have a hard time saying, “no.” After all, you’re just a stay-at-home-mom, right? You have all the time in the world!

Whatever it is, write it all down. Be honest with yourself.

Eliminate

Begin eliminating what you can, as soon as you can. I was in a position with my main work client where I needed to finish out a project for a few months before I could step out. There were a few smaller jobs I could drop much sooner though, and I did. Right away, I began turning down new offers.

Purpose yourself right now to begin saying “no” to anything that does not benefit your main goal — for me that was serving my family better and getting more rest. Within a couple of weeks of finally getting to a good place, I was offered 3 more jobs. These were great opportunities that the old me would have jumped at. But I was firm in my resolve, and today, there are no regrets for saying, “no.”

Equip

When you have been accustomed to living at breakneck speed for a long time, and then find yourself with time on your hands again, it will be easy to slip back into old habits. Equip yourself now to prevent that from happening. Here are a few things you can do:

  • Purpose to put first things first.
  • Practice saying, “no.”
  • Pray before saying “yes” to any new opportunities.

Enjoy

If you’re hanging from a knot, then chances are you have not been enjoying life much. It is not as easy to slow down as one might think. You will suddenly feel as though you are wasting time by not filling every minute with some kind of purposeful activity. You’re not. Take time to begin enjoying life again. Spend time with your family, see a movie, go to the park, bake cookies. Seriously . . . these were things I struggled to find time for. I could not even take a vacation with my family without either working double time before and after, or working from the hotel room at night. It was crazy. Everyone needs down time. Don’t feel guilty about taking some for yourself.

It’s been a few months since I made some major changes in how I’m spending my time and how I serve my family. I still have work to do, but there has been much progress.

How are you doing, busy mom? Are you hanging on to a knot, trying to figure out what to do next? Take heart. There is a way out. Trust me . . . if I can find it, you can do.

Are You Waiting for Spring?

waiting-for-spring

I’m sitting on my porch this morning, drinking a cup of coffee.  I’m wrapped in a blanket, and it’s breezy.  But, the signs are there, in the slightest little ways.  My little girl just brought me flowers she found by the pond.  There are birds chirping and pecking for bugs in my backyard.  The sun is warmer on my face than it has been in recent days.  And it does something to my heart.  It feels like hope. I can feel it coming, days playing outside with my little ones; the relief from months of being inside, missing activities because of one more sickness passing through.  Does it ever feel this way to you?

This spring comes at a unique time for our family as I have been on bedrest awaiting the arrival of our littlest since shortly before Christmas.  It has been a long season.  In more ways than just the weather, it has been a winter of sorts here.  It has felt dark, hard, and confining.  There has been grace in so many ways, and I am so grateful for it! But it has still been hard for our whole family.  It has been a day after day trudging through, anxiously waiting for the day when the burden is lifted, when the sun breaks through the clouds.  My son captured it well this afternoon as we were chatting and he told me “It’s just going to be great Mom.  She’s going to make all our lives better when she’s here.”  Yes she will little man, yes she will.

I’m so grateful to live in an area with seasons.  The shifting, inevitable change.  His hand over all of it is palpable.  There is no way for me to imagine that any of it happens without His control.  A beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman captures it so well as he sings

“Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground: there’s something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we’ve been hoping and longing for soon will appear”

Is your heart anxiously awaiting spring?  Physically or metaphorically?  Know that He brings it.  And nothing on this earth can stop His hand when He declares its’ impending arrival.

How Does a Mom Become a Strong Woman of Faith?

There have been so many amazing women throughout history who have been courageous, faithful and stood strong in the faith through severe trials and suffering. I’ve admired them and prayed that I could someday become like them.

Then God made me a mom.

I thought having children would hold much reward and gratification, and I was right. But what I didn’t realize was how much God would use motherhood to help me become a stronger woman of faith.

I’ve experienced the depths of sorrow as I lost 5 babies to miscarriage. I felt the height of joy and thankfulness as each of our eight children was born.  I felt the grip of overwhelming grief while walking alongside our oldest daughter as she gave birth to her firstborn and buried him a week later.  I felt helpless and out of control as our young newborn recovered from major open heart surgery, spending 2 months in the hospital with his life hanging in the balance.

God grew me during these trials, but He also used them to show me how He had already greatly increased my faith in the simplest of ways through motherhood. As I daily mothered our children, He used those daily struggles – the ones hidden from everyone else’s eyes, the ones He and I walked through together – to lay a firm foundation of faith that would uphold me and glorify Him when I walked through the fire.

God is in the big things, but He is also very much in the small, seemingly insignificant things.

Being a mom brings us to our knees for so many reasons: sleep deprivation, wayward children, struggling marriages, physical challenges, being “on” 24/7, physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and so much more.  The one thing we all have in common, though, is that we love our kids to the moon and back. We want only the best for them, but we realize about three seconds after they are born that we really don’t know exactly what that is. And so we run to our Father over and over and over again. He continues to lead us, one day and one decision at a time.

Our prayers are often simple, desperate pleas for mercy, for wisdom, for grace. They really are more childlike than “adult.” Why is that? Because our hearts are raw when it comes to our children. There is something so instinctive about crying out on our children’s behalf that we no longer care about fancy words or pretense. We are desperate and needy, and that’s exactly where God wants us.

In Matthew 11:25, Jesus said, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.”

It’s in these vulnerable moments, when we come in childlike faith, that God reveals Himself to us. As that happens several times a day, for weeks, months and years, our crying out and God’s subsequent revealing become a way of life for us. In that process we become familiar with what Jesus meant when he said later in the same passage,

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Mt. 11:28,29)

It’s in this place that we become strong. The world tells us that we have to be strong, but God says that in our weakness He becomes strong. His mighty power surges through us when we are submitted to Him at our weakest point.

So relax, Mom. You don’t have to make yourself strong. You don’t have to be everything. You simply need take on His easy yoke and His light burden. Let God use your weakness to help you become a strong woman of faith.

So You’re Thinking of Having Another Baby?

having-another-baby

I have three amazing daughters, ages 12, 9, and 7.  The oldest is very creative, independent and a good leader.  When she was born, she immediately had a curious look in her eyes.  Everyone commented on how alert she was even at one day old.  I remember holding her in my arms at the hospital as she quietly took in the world around her with those thoughtful, pensive eyes.  She is still that way today; always thinking deeply and longing for friends to connect with on the same level.

When my middle daughter was born, she let out a cry that was so heartbreaking and pitiful sounding!  It was like a high pitched moan that went up and down and up and down, kind of like a siren.  A cry that I would hear many, many times over the years!  She is my sensitive daughter.  So, tears are naturally part of having that sensitive spirit.  But, with that sensitivity also comes an abundance of LOVE.  She is like a wellspring with unconditional love bubbling out of her every day.

My third daughter was a surprise pregnancy.  I think I may have cried when I found out I was pregnant!  Let me tell you… having an infant, a 17 month old and 5 year old daughter is tough work!  And this baby was unlike either of my other two girls.  When she was born, she let out a ROAR that was quite aggressive.  I called her my “baby dinosaur” because of what her cry sounded like. It’s interesting because just like my middle daughter’s pitiful cry as a baby represents her sensitive spirit, my youngest’s roar represents her aggressive personality.  Not only is she aggressive, she is also very dramatic about EVERYTHING.  When she is physically hurt from falling down or stubbing her toe, everyone within a mile radius hears about it from her shrill crying that lasts FOREVER.  When she is mad, you better get out of the way and give her some space to cool down, or before you know it you find yourself yelling even louder than her.  (Sorry, Lord!)  When she is happy, she can practically squeeze the breath out of you as she embraces you in a hug that lasts FOREVER!!  She is my passionate child and I love her to pieces.  But, oh, what a journey we have been on together.

Since my third daughter was such a challenge, I spent most of those first  few years feeling anxious and overwhelmed. In fact, I tried to convince myself that I was done having kids.  About six months ago a member of our church that my husband pastors shared a dream he had about us.  He said that in the dream, Chip and I were moving into a big nice house.  Our oldest daughter was grown and moved away and our other girls were in their late teens…. and we had 3 BOYS!  YIKES!!!  Well, that planted a little seed in my head about possibly having another baby (NOT that I want triplets).

Around the same time as the dream was shared with us, my girls and I joined a homeschool co-op.  Soon, I found myself surrounded by little red headed boys (I have red hair and was hopeful for a red headed baby but have never had one).  Little by little, I started having more thoughts of having a baby.  I thought I was crazy at first and that the thoughts would pass.  Well, they didn’t 🙂  In my spirit I kept hearing the words, “LIFE… NEW LIFE.”  I would go to take my birth control, put it down, walk away, come back, put it down.  I heard the words, “You are keeping him from coming.”  Then, I found out that my middle daughter had been praying for a few months that she would have a baby brother!

I am now 9 weeks pregnant with our 4th child.  I spent the last 8 years convincing my husband we were done having kids, only to find out that my husband knew I would eventually change my mind.  I was actually growing comfortable with how independent my girls have become.  So, knowing I am about to enter the baby season all over again, makes me a little nervous.  But, I know this baby is going to be a huge blessing to everyone around him/her.  I am excited to meet who God is developing inside of me!!  And, I am looking forward to savoring every moment with this new little one, and this time mothering with a peaceful spirit instead of an anxious and overwhelmed one.

Do you have a story like mine? Or are you still wrestling with being done, yet not really done? I don’t think I’m alone.

Dear Christians, Who Are We Living For?

Dear Christian, who are you living for? Heidi St. John talks about the desensitization of Christians toward sin in the culture

 

Well, here’s something I’ve learned: the entertainment industry has Christians around the throat. It’s the new “sacred cow” that we dare not touch. When I was a kid, it was the church worship pastor and his horrible “rock music.” When I was growing up, sacred cows were things like organs and hymn books. Methinks we have been focusing on the wrong things!

Recently, I posted a warning to parents about the movie, “Deadpool.” You can see it here:

So, there I was, just casually listening to the radio while I put my makeup on this morning when I heard an ad for the…

Posted by The Busy Mom on Saturday, 13 February 2016

 

I was shocked and saddened by the responses I received over something that I assumed Christian (and non-Christian) parents would appreciate. Then next day, I posted a reply:

*WARNING* EXHORTATION AHEAD:On Saturday, I casually posted about the new comic-book-turned-movie “Deadpool.” I was…

Posted by The Busy Mom on Monday, 15 February 2016

 

Today, a Christian woman messaged me, upset at what she perceived to be my “judgmental” attitude toward other Believers with regard to areas of personal freedom. She went on to list several verses she hoped I would read about not judging others because then would understand that she is “free” in Christ to watch whatever the heck she wants to watch.

I am stunned at our disregard for Christ’s clear instructions on how we are supposed to live.

CHURCH: WAKE UP! We are called to judge each other! That’s right: we’re supposed be be judging things like movies and behavior. Why? Because our hearts are prone to wander, that’s why. Because our flesh wants to drag us off into the mire and muck of movies that bring dishonor to God and quench the Holy Spirit within us. Because God clearly says that engaging in such things is wrong.

We have allowed ourselves to become desensitized to sin. We allow it in our churches and call it “progress.” We watch it in theaters and call it “entertainment.” We excuse it in others and call it “freedom.”

How far we have fallen! No wonder our nation is in such grave danger: there are no watchers on the wall. Personal holiness is no longer a priority.

This is not a gray area, men and women! Those who claim the name of Jesus should know His Word and long to bring honor and blessing to the Lord. Instead, we toy with things He died to save us from and then cry like babies if someone suggests that we might be crossing the line.

It’s time for Christians to grow up in Christ. These times need more than lukewarm faith. It’s time to seriously ask ourselves who we are living for. As Believers, our lives are to be a reflection of the One who redeemed us.

Whatever happened to “be holy as I am holy?” Whatever happened to Christians NOT wanting to be like the world? One day, we are going to give an account to the the Lord for the way we lived our lives before men on this earth—and God has made it clear what He expects.

Watching filth (yes, like Deadpool and 50 Shades of Porn) clearly falls outside of “whatever is good.”

I hope that my fellow Christians will continue to hold me to the standard of righteousness that honors the Lord because they care not just for me, but for the One who died to set us free from “the sin which so easily entangles” us.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

Anything else is cheap grace. My Lord’s death was anything but cheap.

It cost Him everything.

Surely we can honor Him with our bodies and our minds.

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

 

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

I hung up the phone and looked into my husband’s expectant eyes.

“She’s not coming.” I whispered.

He sighed with unspoken understanding and continued with what ever task he was attending to.  I can’t remember what it was.

My heart ached and tears threatened, but taking a deep breath, I continued to wrap the multitudes of gifts piled high on the floor in front of me.

Our adult daughter would not be joining us for the holidays.  The reason why is a long story, but suffice to say that it made this mama want to cry.

My husband and I have been walking down this parenting a prodigal path for some time now and although there are days when my heart aches and I want to cry (and do!) we have learned so much about the faithfulness of God.

If you’re going through a season of trial like us, I have few words of hope for you.  And if you’re not going through trying times now, bookmark this page because it’s probably around the corner.

“Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.”  2 Timothy 3:12

Surviving and Thriving During Trials

Don’t Hide:  It’s kind of sad to say that, as Christians, we fear the judgement of other Christians.  Honestly though, God created the church for just such a time as this.  Prayerfully consider who to invite into your prayer circle.  We wrestle not against flesh and blood.  We need corporate prayer!

Don’t Make it About You:  It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-centeredness, focusing on our own pain and suffering.  There is a time for that to be sure, but ultimately a focus on self isn’t the answer.  It’s not about you!  God allows difficulties in our lives to refine us, right?  Allow God to work in you and share that with others!  There is a sweet peace in glorifying God through trials.

Don’t Seek Worldly Wisdom:  Although there is much wisdom in godly counsel from pastors, family and friends, ultimately it is God who holds the answers for your unique situation.  Remember, God is not surprised by anything that you are going through.  He wants to guide you and has an unending supply of wisdom for all who ask.

Don’t Ask Why:  While you’re seeking God’s wisdom for your situation, try asking God ‘What?’ rather than ‘Why?’.  Ask God what it is that He is trying to teach you and your family.  Likely, the ‘why’ to your situation is beyond your understanding any way.  Rest, knowing that God is working this all for the good and seek to grow through your situation.

Don’t Give Up:  This is not an easy path, Sweet Mama. There have been times that I’ve been angry with God, arrogantly rejecting His peace and demanding change.  Boy, am I thankful for grace!  Don’t give up.  God is faithful to complete the works that He began in you and your family – works that have been ordained since before time began.

When your heart feels like it will break and nothing makes sense, it can seem impossible to do as James said and ‘consider it all joy when you encounter trials’.  Be encouraged by what Paul, who was well-familiar with suffering, said in Romans 12:12, ‘rejoice in hope‘.  We can rejoice during trials because we have hope – hope in an all-powerful, all-knowing, loving God.

Won’t you trust Him today?

Resolution or Inspiration?

How many January 1st’s have you begun with a list of resolutions?

  • Lose weight
  • Exercise more
  • Read the Bible regularly
  • Get organized
  • Keep in touch better
  • Volunteer
 And the list goes on and on.
Those visits to the gym last a few weeks, one or two closets get cleaned out, that new devotional is read daily for awhile, you might even have lunch with that friend you haven’t seen in 2 years.  But by March, the resolutions have gone by the wayside and life is back to “normal.” It’s ok, you can start again next January 1, right?
 Resolution or Inspiration

There’s a reason New Year’s resolutions don’t work.  Resolutions don’t inspire. They begin with things to “do” instead of inspiring you to want to “become” something different.

Why do you want to lose weight? Perhaps to become more confident.

Why do you want to declutter your house? Maybe to feel more peaceful.

Why do you want to volunteer? Probably because you desire to become more generous.

The resolutions are more about the end results . . . who we become . . .but the focus is so much on what we need to do, that we lose the inspiration to succeed. We get discouraged because we stopped going to the gym, missed a few days of the devotion, or ate a piece of pie.  We failed.

So what would happen if instead of choosing things to “do” differently, we chose to “become” different in some way.  Not completely different.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made. But chances are, if you have a lot of New Year’s resolutions rolling around in your head, then you probably have something about yourself that you’d like to be different. And who doesn’t have something that could use a little tweaking?

This year, instead of making that fateful list, try choosing a word that reflects the changes you need to make in your life. Find a word that you believe will inspire you to work toward becoming, not just doing. Search Scripture for your word. Keep it in your mind, post it around your house where you’ll see it every day, contemplate it. Ponder.  Let your word guide you into action.

Don’t make resolutions you know you won’t keep. Be inspired this New Year.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~Romans 12:2

For more inspiration about choosing a word for you year, take a look at the book, My One Word: Change Your Life with Just One Word by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen.

My One Word

Have you chosen a word in the past? How did it change you or guide your decision making?  What will you choose for 2016?