I have three amazing daughters, ages 12, 9, and 7. The oldest is very creative, independent and a good leader. When she was born, she immediately had a curious look in her eyes. Everyone commented on how alert she was even at one day old. I remember holding her in my arms at the hospital as she quietly took in the world around her with those thoughtful, pensive eyes. She is still that way today; always thinking deeply and longing for friends to connect with on the same level.
When my middle daughter was born, she let out a cry that was so heartbreaking and pitiful sounding! It was like a high pitched moan that went up and down and up and down, kind of like a siren. A cry that I would hear many, many times over the years! She is my sensitive daughter. So, tears are naturally part of having that sensitive spirit. But, with that sensitivity also comes an abundance of LOVE. She is like a wellspring with unconditional love bubbling out of her every day.
My third daughter was a surprise pregnancy. I think I may have cried when I found out I was pregnant! Let me tell you… having an infant, a 17 month old and 5 year old daughter is tough work! And this baby was unlike either of my other two girls. When she was born, she let out a ROAR that was quite aggressive. I called her my “baby dinosaur” because of what her cry sounded like. It’s interesting because just like my middle daughter’s pitiful cry as a baby represents her sensitive spirit, my youngest’s roar represents her aggressive personality. Not only is she aggressive, she is also very dramatic about EVERYTHING. When she is physically hurt from falling down or stubbing her toe, everyone within a mile radius hears about it from her shrill crying that lasts FOREVER. When she is mad, you better get out of the way and give her some space to cool down, or before you know it you find yourself yelling even louder than her. (Sorry, Lord!) When she is happy, she can practically squeeze the breath out of you as she embraces you in a hug that lasts FOREVER!! She is my passionate child and I love her to pieces. But, oh, what a journey we have been on together.
Since my third daughter was such a challenge, I spent most of those first few years feeling anxious and overwhelmed. In fact, I tried to convince myself that I was done having kids. About six months ago a member of our church that my husband pastors shared a dream he had about us. He said that in the dream, Chip and I were moving into a big nice house. Our oldest daughter was grown and moved away and our other girls were in their late teens…. and we had 3 BOYS! YIKES!!! Well, that planted a little seed in my head about possibly having another baby (NOT that I want triplets).
Around the same time as the dream was shared with us, my girls and I joined a homeschool co-op. Soon, I found myself surrounded by little red headed boys (I have red hair and was hopeful for a red headed baby but have never had one). Little by little, I started having more thoughts of having a baby. I thought I was crazy at first and that the thoughts would pass. Well, they didn’t 🙂 In my spirit I kept hearing the words, “LIFE… NEW LIFE.” I would go to take my birth control, put it down, walk away, come back, put it down. I heard the words, “You are keeping him from coming.” Then, I found out that my middle daughter had been praying for a few months that she would have a baby brother!
I am now 9 weeks pregnant with our 4th child. I spent the last 8 years convincing my husband we were done having kids, only to find out that my husband knew I would eventually change my mind. I was actually growing comfortable with how independent my girls have become. So, knowing I am about to enter the baby season all over again, makes me a little nervous. But, I know this baby is going to be a huge blessing to everyone around him/her. I am excited to meet who God is developing inside of me!! And, I am looking forward to savoring every moment with this new little one, and this time mothering with a peaceful spirit instead of an anxious and overwhelmed one.
Do you have a story like mine? Or are you still wrestling with being done, yet not really done? I don’t think I’m alone.