Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Don’t Try {So Hard}

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The other day, I heard Amy Grant’s new song, Don’t Try So Hard. It really spoke to me. In fact, her whole album (How Mercy Looks From Here)blessed me. It’s encouraging to hear someone else talk about how God is teaching them what it means to follow Him. I loved the way Amy wrote about trying to please others:

Do you remember how the summers felt when we were kids
Oh we didn’t think much about it,
we just lived
Taking our time,
beautiful leisure
When did we start,
trying to measure up
And all this time,
love has been trying to tell us

Don’t try so hard
God gives you grace and you can’t earn it
Don’t think that you’re not worth it

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like to disappoint others. I think most of us are wired that way. I rarely meet a mom who is not an overachiever on some level. We all want to be the best mothers we can be. We want the best for our kids. We want to be the wife our husband dreamed of.

Several weeks ago, I had the privilege of meeting a mother of ten while speaking in the midwest.

She felt like a failure. “Turns out, ” she said, “that the number of kids we have doesn’t equal godliness. Someone told me it did.” We tried so hard to “do it right,” she said.

It wasn’t that she was unhappy that they had ten children, either — it was just that years of trying to meet someone else’s expectation for her family had left her with very little margin in her life.

And, as it turned out, following someone else’s idea for what her family was supposed to look like was exhausting.

I know how that feels.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I could relate to her. We cried a little, standing in that hotel lobby.

We try so hard to “get it right…”

Dress like this. Eat like that. Listen to this. Don’t listen to that. Right way. Wrong way. My way… your way.

It’s hard pleasing people.

Thank God, we don’t have to.

We just need to please the Lord.

In Galatians 1:10, we read, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Am I seeking the approval of God or man? It’s a good question, isn’t it?

Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Jesus gives us just three imperatives about how to do this thing called life:

Come to Me. (Pray.)
Take My yoke. (Carry the yoke God has designed just.for.you.)
Learn from Me. (Read the Bible, busy mom. God wants to speak to you.)

No need to keep up with the Joneses. No need to meet anyone else’s expectations.

Don’t try so hard.

God gives us grace for each day. We can’t earn it.

There is joy that comes from pleasing our heavenly Father. It brings peace–and freedom. A freedom that comes from knowing that we’ve asked the Lord to direct our path. It makes everyone else’s path pale in comparison!

Spend time in God’s word, busy mom! Seek Him every day.

Then, take His yoke. He wants to carry it with you.

Don’t try so hard.

Lean in. Press on. Live in freedom.

You are loved.

THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. THE SMALL PERCENTAGE I EARN FROM THESE LINKS DOES NOT ALTER THE CONTENT OF MY POST.

Kick Comparison to the Curb

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I’m so excited to share this guest post with you today. My friend, Rachel Martin writes encouraging letters for weary, tired, anxious, persevering moms just like you, and this post about comparison is just what many of us need to hear today, tomorrow and every day following! So rest today, Mom, as you enjoy this encouragement from Rachel! ~

A friend once told me that comparison is the death of contentment. She told it to me as I wandered the aisles of her homeschool store browsing catalogs, brochures, books, and math manipulatives while the whole time working myself into a giant ball of anxiety. I kept seeing all the things that I didn’t finish and wishing that I had more time. I felt like I was failing as a homeschool mother. In fact, in that moment I felt like I was plain and simple not measuring up. Continue reading →

The Real Homeschool Story

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If only I knew how this story was going to end….

Then I think I could do this, I agonized while snuggling into my husband one night.

And it’s not even that I minded the hard work, the sacrifice, and the challenge of homeschooling so much. It’s more the thought of doing all this…for nothing…that got to me. What if it didn’t amount to anything? Or, worse, what if I wasn’t doing it right?

Yes, it was the possibility of this turning out to be more of a fantasy than a Real Life story that discouraged and made me want to give up. I was really counting on a happy ending for this one.

I know. Kinda silly. But that’s how my mind works sometimes (especially when I’m overtired). I want to rush ahead and find out where we’re going with all this….

I want to know the end of the story.

Yet that’s not how it works with homeschooling. You only get to go through one chapter at a time. One child at a time. And on some days? One word at a time.

But take heart, you might not get to peek at the ending, but I’m confident it’s going to be a very good story and certainly one worth writing. And one worth reading someday too.

Hoping to Write a Real Homeschool Story?

1. Don’t be discouraged by a day. It’s only one day. And such days do not determine the entire tale. Just turn that page and keep going. As Anne of Green Gables says, “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” Lovely thought. Tomorrow is a fresh piece of paper on which to write something totally new.

2. It’s a story about a relationship – not a method. Truly. It doesn’t matter what curriculum you use or what subjects you cover. While it might not be how it’s presented out there, that’s the inside scoop. What matters is their hearts. That terrific (or lousy) math curriculum will never have the significant impact on their lives that a loving, learning, teaching parent will. You are what they really need.

3. Don’t read over someone else’s shoulder. Their story is not your story. That family over there might look accomplished and successful. And that’s great for them. But you are on your own unique adventure. Look to the Lord what for what He intends for your family. He’s got something in mind specially suited to you.

4. Review Your Main Theme. Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Prov. 29:18). So if you feel like you’re “perishing”? Go back to the beginning. Why you started this story in the first place. It might be just what you need to tackle that next chapter.

5. The Lord wants to reveal Himself through your story. Above all. We sometimes forget that this isn’t actually all about us. Or even our children. It’s about the Author and what He’s doing in us and through us.

You only have to let Him shine. Yep. Let Him shine through your weaknesses, your set-backs, and even your mistakes. And isn’t it reassuring to realize that this whole thing doesn’t depend on us, but on Him who is more than able?

So I guess we know how this story is going to end after all.

Because we know Him.

And He’s the Real Story.

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and author, and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children. She’s also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. You can find her sharing her passion for husband, home, and family over at Club31Women and on Facebook.

For Better or Worse … but Never For Granted

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Good morning, busy mom!

We are now in Ludington, MI. When we rolled into Indianapolis the day before, it was midnight. And we were crabby! It wasn’t pretty — but this is the “busy season” for our family, and God seems to give us just enough grace for each other every day. Just enough. Unless we push too hard, or go too long without rest. Then, things can get ugly.

It reminded me a season of life we were in several years ago, where the Lord spoke to me about the importance of keeping my heart in tune to the heartbeat of our marriage. See if you can relate:

It had been a busy day.

Nevermind.

It had been a busy month. Meetings, schoolwork, deadlines, family needs, doctor appointments–unplanned emergencies–unwanted drama, un-invited stress.

Unintended consequences.

If the world could spin any faster, I’m sure I would have been flung right off.

My Type A, scheduling self was not enjoying this. I was repeating the phrase “bend, don’t break” as I went from the car to the kitchen to the laundry room. I spied a bag of clothing that I had forgotten to take to Goodwill. “Shoot! That’s the third time I’ve left the house for something and forgotten that bag!”

I muttered to myself as I walked into the office to sort paperwork. “Stop the ride! I want to get off!” My husband looked up at me from his desk. I saw the same weariness in his eyes that I felt. It was as if his eyes were reflecting mine.

Tired. Worn-out. Weary.

It had been several weeks since we had really enjoyed any quality time together. According to the calendar, there were no quiet evenings coming up in our future, either. Worse yet, we could not even manage a quiet evening in! The toddlers were up early, the teens were up late… and somewhere between toddlers and teenagers, our marriage was taking a hit.

It was clear that things were ot as they should be, and our relationship was beginning to show signs of the strain we were under. We were short with each other. Our conversations lacked grace. The end of the day found us falling into bed exhausted. (Insert tired expression here that says “I love you … but not tonight.”)

Trouble was, there was no “white space” in our lives. We had made our regular commitments, and life had filled in the rest of the “white space” on my calendar-without asking permission!

If you’ve heard me speak before, you know how I feel about having at least two days of nothing on my calendar each week. I call it “white space”, and I try to protect those free days because no white space on our calendar = no margin in our lives.

And no margin = trouble.

Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to let it happen. Sometimes, we can prevent it, and sometimes, we can’t. When life gets a little nutty, we take it for granted that eventually things will slow down. But the older my kids get, the more I’m realizing that if I am not intentional about taking time out of my busy life to nurture my marriage, my husband and I run the risk of living parallel lives.

You see, the fact that we have a good marriage now doesn’t protect us from ending up with a bad marriage down the road. I know — because I’ve seen it happen, over and over again.

Most marriages end because of neglect. We just take it for granted that our spouse will always be there, that we’ll have time “next week.” But more dangerous than unintentional neglect is the kind we do on purpose: we say things like “after the kids are grown” we’ll have time to invest in our marriage.

It’s one of the biggest traps we can fall into, this “for granted” trap. We take it for granted that

Our marriage will always be strong
Pornography will never be a problem
Our husbands always “understand” how tired we are (so we don’t have the conversation)
Adultery will not be part of our lives
“Next week” things will get easier or slow down

Marriage matters. It’s important. And we can’t just put this precious relationship on auto-pilot for extended periods of time and expect things to be okay.

But we do. We forget that our marriages, like tender plants, need tending.

Yes, there are seasons where we need extra amounts of patience and grace. (I’m in one right now, as we travel in our van from convention to convention with our kids.)

Yes, life is always changing–and we need to flex and change with it.

But let’s not take our marriages for granted. Let’s keep them strong and healthy – on purpose! Here are three ways we can keep your marriage strong through the seasons of quiet and busy that inevitably come:

Be intentional about carving out time for each other – make time on purpose.
Keep your finger on the pulse of your marriage (If the pulse is weak, pay attention!)
Learn to speak each other’s love language. (My husband responds best to me when I speak love in the language he understands best, and love it when he speaks to me in my love language!)

Marriage is a precious relationship – and we’re in it, for better or worse.

But never, never for granted.

Blessings on your marriage, busy mom!
heidi

Looking for Joy?

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Remember that old Johnny Lee song “Looking For Love?” It’s from a just-as-old movie called “Urban Cowboy” from what I’ve been told. 🙂

I don’t think I’ve heard that song in years but for some reason as I was loading the van to hit the road to Spartanburg this morning, it was playing in my mind. Maybe you’ll recognize the lyrics:

I thought it was funny …

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces (grumpy, tired faces this morning)
Searching thier eyes looking for traces (any hint, really)
What I’m dreaming of

So here’s what I was dreaming of …

cooperation
good attitudes
the breakfast genie to show up
a little less pollen
____ fill in the blank

I was looking for joy in all the wrong places 🙂 Or the illusion of joy anyway. 🙂

And then I remembered–the devil likes to lie about stuff. He lies about joy.

He’ll tell you money will make you happy. But it won’t. And it’s not the money, it’s the pursuit of it. Because joy, true JOY, is not found in power, passion or possessions. Or even in my kids obeying with a smile on their face.

(But that would have been extra-great this morning.)

It’s found in a personal relationship with God.

Satisfaction is found in the Lord and in His Word.

Joy will never be found under the sun … but above it … where God is.

Today, busy mom, let’s keep our joy in plain sight. Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus, and run the race that’s set before us with the joy that comes from following Jesus.

Remember those trees that are “firmly planted?” They’re rooted in Christ!

Lean into Him while you do laundry for the millionth time. Talk to Him about your kids. Ask Him to show you how to love your husband.

He has something to say to you.

Looking for joy? He’ll show you where to find it. And where joy is, strength is.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10b

Twenty Things I Wish I’d Known When I was Twenty

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Good morning, busy moms! Ready for another day?

Our family hits the road again this morning, driving from Kansas City, MO to just outside of Knoxville, TN. We’re heading to Spartanburg, SC for the Teach Them Diligently Convention. I can’t wait to get there! I’m sitting here blogging … avoiding getting the kids up from their snuggly beds. We’ve had a good rest here in Kansas City. Good friends. Good conversation-a real time of refreshing.

I shall try to remember that as we spend the next

Twelve.Hours.In.The.Van. {cue the violins}

Today, I’m choosing to remember some things I jotted down in my journal–’cause I’ll probably need to refer to the list at least once today. 🙂

Blessed perspective. One of the things I’ve gained in 22 years of parenting is the gift of perspective.

And it hasn’t come easy. I’ve decided I learn most things the hard way.

Skinned knees and all.

I scribbled a list of things I wish I had known when I started homeschooling all those years ago… but it applies to every mom–because every mom is a teacher.

1. Relationships are the key to successful parenting. My investment in training and teaching our kids when they’re young is key to enjoying them when they’re adults.

2. Education is discipleship. And because of that …
3. “School” should never become the “main” thing. I’ll be my kids’ mom long after the math book is finished.
4. Character training always comes before curriculum.

5. When I’m frustrated and on the verge of burnout, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate what we’re doing. I might be missing something.
{insert vague memories of times when I’ve discovered this before burnout, rather than after.}

6. His yoke is easy… which means …

7. Homeschooling done right will NOT run me over and leave me on the side of the road for dead.
{insert memory of burdensome curriculum and times when I forget about what really matters.}

8. Marriage needs to consistently come … before mothering.

9. I’m homeschooling, not trying to do “school at home”. There really is a difference.

10. Sometimes, baking cookies is better than math. And it will often accomplish the same thing with better results. 🙂

11. Homeschooling through high school is not as scary as “they” say… and worth far more than I imagined.

12. Teenagers need their parents more than they let on.

13. It really does go by as fast as “they” say so now is a good time to think about what I want the homeschool years to accomplish.
In other words, what kind of children do I want to raise?

14. Sow good things into the lives of the kids now … reap good things later.

15. Sow wind … reap a storm.

16. It takes time for flowers to bloom. They do it in due season.

Come to think of it … twenty years is about right.

When I remember this, I also remember that my kids aren’t really listening to me most of the time. BUT… They.Are.Watching.

17. My actions will speak for me.

18. Apologize.

19. It’s okay to ask for help. Asking for help with homeschooling is good, not a sign of weakness. {repeat often}

20. Being real is better than pretending to have it all together. No one really has it all together anyway.
Except God. He’s good like that.

Okay, and one more.

Never leave Sharpie markers unattended.

Are you on autopilot?

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Happy Friday, Busy Moms! I’ve had the pleasure of visiting with this Friday’s Friend, Stef Layton, at a conference recently, and she’s so much fun! Not to mention helpful, cheerful and knowledgeable. You’ll love what she has for us today! ~

It felt like the same day again. Every day had been painted a dull shade of gray. This was my life, homeschooling.

It entered every conversation. It lingered on the table. It left messes on the floor. It crept into our family vacations. Homeschool was poison ivy, it began to itch and I couldn’t get away from it.

Reading, writing, math, science, history, geography, and art. Repeat. Repeat again.

I turned on autopilot.

Most curriculum taught itself while I daydreamed of beach vacations and owning a kayak. Surely having a kayak would make life more interesting. A crock pot cook book would make life more interesting at this point. So I bought one.

I was fading. I survived each day to get up another morning and do it all over again.

Feel that way sometimes? As if homeschool curriculum is all you ever talk about, homeschool lessons all you plan, homeschool blogs all you read, and homeschool lectures all you give? It is here until my kids go off to college. And by the current threats of my 5yr old … that’s never gonna happen.

One day I was drinking coffee and I read the mug, “This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24. I had to laugh, the psalmist was not a homeschooler.

“This was just Tuesday or was it Thursday? It doesn’t matter. I’m not even going to change out of my pajamas and no one is going to notice! Another day at our dining room table fighting over dried glue sticks and crying over subtraction word problems. This is no day to rejoice. Surely I’m being punished for skipping public school all those times”.
Then the craziest thought train wrecked my pity party, what do you want to do while you have this time?

It didn’t take but a heartbeat to start listing all of the things I had wanted to do. I wanted to learn how to play guitar. I wanted to watch cooking shows. I wanted to speak Spanish. I wanted to learn about art history. I wanted to read Greek Myths. I wanted to expand my vocabulary. I wanted to write greeting card for DaySpring. I wanted to crochet scarves for the homeless shelter. I wanted to grow fresh herbs.

As if someone had thrown ice water in my face I suddenly realized the amazing opportunity I have homeschooling. You and I have the one thing everyone else wants, time! We have time to keep learning and trying new things.

Homeschooling doesn’t have to be just about what your kids are learning. Homeschooling can be about what I’m learning! We have time to grow our skills and passions. We have time to learn something totally new!

We can keep growing, but its not going to happen on autopilot.

What do you want to learn? What do you want to try? You have the best supportive classmates right beside you at this very moment! Make a bucket list of things you want to learn and discover them together.

Enjoy today, rejoice today – learn something new together today!

Stef considers herself a relaxed homeschooling mom to two energetic superheroes. She believes in hands-on interest-led learning. Married to a busy traveling golf course architect, they have taken their homeschool on the road to enjoy many field trips. Stef is the author of Educating Laytons, Homeschool Community Manager for The Happy Housewife Conference Coordinator for The Titus 2:1 Conference and Creator of The Homeschool Village.

About Heidi St. John

Matthew 11:29 (NIV)

*THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. THE SMALL PERCENTAGE I EARN FROM THESE LINKS DOES NOT ALTER THE CONTENT OF MY POST.*

THIS POST CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS. THE SMALL PERCENTAGE I EARN FROM THESE LINKS DOES NOT ALTER THE CONTENT OF MY POST.