Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Grace for the Broken Places

Pride is a Terrible Houseguest: A Duggar PostScript

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–This post was originally published on November 4, 2013. Not much is new under the sun. Read my postscript at the end regarding the Duggar family.

November 4, 2013
Well, it happened again. Over the last week, another “leader” has fallen in the Christian community. Of course it’s all over the Internet, people trying to reason it away, some in prayerful quiet, others openly criticizing—others praising the public apology.

But I wonder, as I have seen this play out in very personal ways in my own life (and many times in over the nearly 20 years my husband and I have spent in ministry) … I wonder if we’re really addressing the true culprit behind most of the destructive sin we see around us.

It’s not confined to church or ministry leaders. It’s just that they’re the best targets. They’re the easiest to see, after all. Take out a leader, and you’ve got a headline. Another black eye for the gospel. The church, and sadly, the message of Christ, takes another hit.

I figure it this way: Satan’s a lot of things, but he’s not stupid. His aim is sure, his tactics as old as sin itself. You see, Satan knows that when a leader falls, many of his admirers will fall too. Casualties of an ongoing spiritual battle.

Disillusionment. Questions about the goodness of God, about the truth of God’s Word.

“Christian Leader Admits to Affair.” Home run. Another one bites the dust.

There is a sneaky culprit that I have observed quietly ruin men and women and churches and ministries… and families. It’s not what you may be thinking, either. The “culprit” has a name. His name is Pride. I’ve come to see Pride with a face. See if you can see that face, too: It starts out oh-so-quietly … a good message (or, sadly, an ideology) is spoken eloquently and people follow. Pretty soon, the messenger is being worshiped rather than the giver of the Message. The speaker believes the accolades are warranted. After all, it is a pretty good message. “Look how good it’s working for me.” Said leader puts himself (or herself) out there as the example to follow.

Pretty soon, we’re reading books and buying CD’s from a person rather than seeking the Lord for ourselves. This is not only bad news for the follower, it’s bad for the leader. If the messenger basks in the praise of men for more than a moment, the door is opened and the invitation is sent. Shortly, Pride arrives on his heart’s doorstep. Left unguarded, Pride moves in, taking first a small, quiet room in the back of the heart—almost unnoticed—but before long Pride, takes root and displaces other tenants of the heart: Humility, Grace … Gentleness.

These are not the qualities of a “real” leader, after all. A man with a message is more than a man. He’s a “HERO.”

…right?

No. The only real “hero” is Jesus Himself. The only one truly worthy of praise is the One who died alone on a cross, rejected and despised by those He came to save.

God has a lot to say about pride. First and foremost, He hates it. Pride gets us in trouble.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

If you’re looking for someone to model your life after look no further than the Lord Jesus, who described Himself when teaching weary followers about finding true rest:

^“Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart…” Mt. 11:29

Humble. Gentle—like Jesus. Jesus, who had the authority of God Himself was humble. Are we looking for humility in our leaders? These are the qualities we should be looking for in our leaders: gentleness and humility. There is no room for pride in the life of a Believer. There simply is too much at stake, too much to lose.

I recorded this podcast a month ago or so—it was scheduled to air on November 4th and it is about our need to keep short accounts with the Lord.

Last week, I was reminded again how much in need of prayer and humility I am. I want to be as genuine a follower of Christ as I can be because of my love for my Savior, of course, but there is more: Of all the people that might read my blog or hear me speak, the ones that I am accountable to first reside at my house.

Parents, our children are watching. Others are watching. Be real. Be humble. Stay teachable. That means keeping short accounts and asking God’s help to fight against the temptation of pride in my own life.

Pride is a terrible houseguest— but with God’s help and the accountability of others, we can make our hearts a very unpleasant place for him to stay.

Lord, we need You. Help us to humbly walk before you and serve You—for the sake of the gospel alone.

Post Script: August 26, 2015

I feel I could have written this post a week ago. So rather than re-write it, I decided to publish it again.

It’s no secret that the “Duggar disaster” has had a profoundly negative impact on name of Christ in recent days. I have never been a fan of the legalistic brand of Christianity that the Duggars espouse. But like many of you, I was appalled at the treatment of Josh Duggar initially. I believed then, and still believe that the sinful actions of a 14 yr old boy should not dictate public opinion of that boy when he is a 27 year old man.

However. True repentance means turning away from sin. It means we grieve over our sin—and we stop that sin. When we don’t repent, the Bible says we will experience spiritual death. These past two weeks have shown us what that looks like, up close.

“For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10

Pride comes before a downfall. Pride causes us to hide sin rather than repent from it. Pride says, “You are above your own convictions.” Pride lies to us and makes us believe that our sins will not “surely find us out.” Pride causes us to put ourselves first—to live a double life.

Like many of you, I assumed Josh had truly repented. Clearly, he did not.

Once again, we see that pride has proven to be a terrible houseguest. While we cannot speculate as to the motivation behind the TV show “19 Kids and Counting,” it is a now cautionary tale for the rest of us. For the Duggars, pride will take no prisoners. It it’s wake is a family devastated and humiliated. Like all unwelcome heart-guests, when pride comes to stay, that’s what he leaves behind— a mess.

While I have never believed in the ideology of the Duggar family, I believe we serve the same Lord. There are million lessons to be learned here, but my takeaway is a simple reminder:

Nothing saves us except for Jesus.
Not homeschooling.
Not courtship.
Not wearing skirts over pants.
Not policies or self-policing.

Just Jesus. Apart from Him, we can do nothing.

We should weep when those around us are suffering because of the sin of another person. To those who have rejoiced over this family’s fall from grace, I would remind you that pride takes many forms. To gloat over another man’s downfall is to fall victim to the same sin that brought Josh Duggar down in the first place. Remember, Pride would say, “See? You’d never do that.”

My prayers are with the Duggar family—especially his wife and children. I hope Anna learns to find her identity in Christ, and not in a family name or ideology.

When You Don’t Feel Strong as a Mom

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A few years ago, I had the privilege of meeting Arlene Pellicane in Little Rock. We were both there to record broadcasts with Family Life Today. We didn’t have more than a meal together but let me tell you, this woman has passion! I think her new book will be a blessing to our awesome readers here at The Busy Mom—so we’re doing a giveaway!

Arlene has a new book out called 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom. We’re giving away a copy to a Busy Mom reader, so read through to the end for more on the book and details on how to enter!

There’s a wonderfully inspiring story in Judges 6 about an unlikely warrior: Gideon.

Believe it or not, you probably have something in common.

The Lord tells Gideon to “go in the strength that you have” and Gideon replies, “How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” Instead of being the best of the best, Gideon was pointing out he was the worst of the worst.

Can you relate with Gideon? Instead of feeling like you were born from a long line of happy, healthy moms, maybe you come from a dysfunctional family. Broken doesn’t begin to describe it. Yet God delights in working powerfully through weak people; people like Gideon, Rahab and Ruth to name a few people from the Bible.

Don’t let your past family life determine your present family life. You have your own story to write.

I remember when I had my first child, Ethan, I had no idea how to hold a baby. I could put my hands under his little armpits and pull him in close. That was about it. Some of my friends who weren’t even moms seemed so much more comfortable holding my little lump, turning him upside down and right side up and cradling him like a football.

I wasn’t equipped with baby know-how or born with natural instincts. I was just hoping not to drop him! I had a lot to learn. Going in the strength that we have means coming as we are. God doesn’t expect you to be like the culinary mom on your left or interior decorator mom on your right. He wants you to come as you are with all your strengths and weaknesses, and with a willing heart to learn.

The good news is that God will surround you with people who can help you as a mom if you will let them. When Noelle was about three, she would throw a fit every time I tried to wash her face. She’d jerk to the left and right, squirm and complain. It drove me nuts. But when my husband James washed her face, she was perfectly still. She almost tilted her head back angelically while he washed her face with ease.

One day, I humbled myself and asked James, “How do you get Noelle to do that? She’s never still for me.” James replied, “Oh, it’s easy. Noelle knows she can get away with that with you. But she knows I won’t stand for it.”

Of course, my first reaction was, “Well, LA-DEE-DA for you!” But as I thought it over, I knew he was right. There was no fooling around with daddy. So, the next time we were at the sink, I went on the offensive with my new found strength.

“Noelle, from now on, you will treat me like you treat daddy when we’re at the sink or else you will be disciplined.” She pushed me, I gave her the discipline, and our sink struggle ended after a few encounters just like that.

Part of becoming a mom warrior is humbling yourself and learning from others (ouch…even from your husband).

Say it out loud today: I am a mighty warrior mom because of Christ!

Arlene

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. She is also the co-author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World (with Gary Chapman). She has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, The 700 Club, and Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.
Arlene lives in the San Diego area with her husband James and their three children.
To learn more and for free family resources such as a monthly Happy Home podcast, visit ArlenePellicane.com.

Does it ever seem like you’re taking orders from your children instead of the other way around?

In this encouraging, eye-opening book, you’ll discover how to lead your home effectively…and happily. Arlene has interviewed numerous happy mom experts like Kendra Smiley, Fern Nichols, Dannah Gresh, Karen Ehman, and Laura Petherbridge.

Organized in short chapters that even the busiest mom can read, you’ll become more:

H – Healthy
A – Action-Oriented
P – Prayerful
P – Perseverant
Y – Yes-Filled

The book includes a “Happy Mom Discussion Guide” to enhance your personal study or for a group study.

A Quiet Exile—and An American Genocide

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ex·ile

ˈeɡˌzīl,ˈekˌsīl/

noun

The state of being barred from one’s native country, typically for political or punitive reasons.

Have you noticed that Christians have been relegated to the “little kids” table where most issues today are concerned? It’s like it’s Thanksgiving and we’re sitting at card tables in the spare bedroom while the grown-up, more “enlightened” people sit around the big table—casually deciding the future of our nation. Yes, Christians see what is happening, but many are afraid to say who we are and what we believe.

After all, who wants to end up at the little kids table?

The church is struggling with the fear of being exiled. Many pastors avoid “divisive” topics like abortion when they preach. For goodness sake, we definitely don’t want to talk about gay marriage. (That’s so yesterday.) Moving on.

Christians know what’s up. Speak the truth you’ll end up at the little kids table with someone’s leftover meatloaf. No more conversation for you, buddy. Come back to the table when you have something meaningful to contribute.

Take the case of Cecil, the beloved African Lion who was allegedly, “accidentally” illegally hunted and killed a few days ago. It’s trending big-time on social media, to the point where the hunter has had to go into hiding due to death threats. Yes, the lion was beloved and beautiful—but can I just say this out loud? “Cecil was a lion. An animal.” We’re enraged over the death of an animal while millions of our unborn are brutally killed every day in this country.

Cecil is getting a whole lot more attention on the news than the victims of abortion. Listen. I’m no fan of big game hunting like this—but it seems like a distraction from a much bigger issue: the murder of our unborn.

“#JusticeforCecil?” Really?

Where is the public outcry over the atrocious way unborn babies are torn from their mother’s wombs? I’ll admit it. It’s hard to have outcry against something you’ve casually been a part of. We legalized it. We’re part of the problem. Since 1973, abortion has destroyed the lives of more than 57,762,169 unborn children. That’s over fifty-seven million.

But we want justice for the lion.

We live here. We know what’s going on in abortion “clinics” across this nation. So yes. We’re all culpable for allowing such an atrocity to continue all these years. Our silence has allowed a genocide to happen right in our own back yard. I praise God for the brave men and women who made the videos that are exposing what all knew in our hearts was happening at Planned Parenthood.

Don’t look the other way. We’ve got a lot to atone for.

I have worked alongside many pro-life groups over the years, but I’ll be honest: it’s discouraging to feel like there’s no hope of ever seeing the tide turn our way in the fight for life. However today, as I write this from my little corner of the United States, I have a hunch we might be seeing the tide turn in favor of life. If you care about this issue, now is the time to speak. Now is the time to let your voice be heard.

“He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 22:16

This is part of what it means to know the Lord. I’ve been re-reading Bonhoeffer this summer. What stunning similarities there are between then and now! Hitler’s Third Reich “Church” rose while simultaneously silencing true Christians in Europe! The Reich told Believers that their ways were best for Germany—but deep down, Christians knew otherwise. Bonhoeffer witnessed the slow but steady silencing of church leaders in his time, and finally, the almost complete capitulation of the Church to the Reich. It was exile. Many of God’s people turned away from public discourse in an effort to escape the scrutiny of the SS and avoid being publicly ridiculed or even arrested. Slowly, evil men were able to take full control of Germany as good men kept silent.

What a price was paid for the silence purchased through intimidation and fear. What began as a quiet exile of good men and women ended in a genocide.

I know that some people will be offended at the comparison between then and now—but it is what it is. Read for yourself.

As an author, I have been privileged to speak to tens of thousands of people over the past ten years. In the past year, I’ve noticed a dramatic change in the demeanor of many Christians in the public arena. Many are afraid. Afraid of being hated because of their beliefs. Afraid of being misunderstood. Afraid of being made to look foolish because of their faith. And while it’s understandable to want to stay quiet, our silence is speaking for us. As Bonhoeffer said, “Silence in the face of evil is evil itself. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”

We may have begun to see Christians exiled, but it should not deter nor surprise us. Jesus said in John 5:15, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”

As a Christian woman, I am compelled to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I am compelled by my faith to do what God says is right, no matter what other people will say. The Bible teaches us that the war we are in is an epic battle between good and evil. The temptation is for us to yield the floor to our emotions—but we cannot argue from our emotions alone. Our argument is not emotional. It is spiritual. It’s God’s argument.

This means that our reason for being pro-life is NOT because we “feel bad” about the gruesome practice of harvesting organs from new babies is commonplace for Planned Parenthood (though we certainly should). Yes, we should be outraged by these things, but outrage is not our reason for opposing PP. We oppose abortion for the same reason we oppose all things God calls sin.

We oppose abortion because God opposes it. End of story. God knows the preborn child. “You knit me in my mother’s womb . . . nor was my frame unknown to you when I was made in secret” (Psalm 139:13,15)

It’s time that we stopped using the world’s reasoning and started coming back to Scripture as our first line of defense. Any other kind of reasoning falls short of carrying with it the victory that is ultimately found in Christ alone.

Let’s not make the same mistake that many Christians made when they turned a blind eye to the evil that Hitler was committing against the Jews. We serve the living God. Let’s act like it. No matter the SCOTUS rulings, Planned Parenthood atrocities or “pro-choice” arguments, we must not be silent.

Pray. Ask the Lord how you can get involved and what He would have you do. We do not have to be exiled from the conversations that our culture is engaged in today. God’s Word is as relevant today as it was when it was written.

Your seat at the table was reserved at Calvary. Take your seat and speak on behalf of the One who gave His life for you.

Click here to sign the petition to demand a Congressional investigation into Planned Parenthood and immediate defunding of the abortion provider.

In case you have not yet heard me speak on this issue: check out the podcast. I hope you’ll visit iTunes and help me spread a word of encouragement from the Bible every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Listen on the blog: http://heidistjohn.com/blog//?p=22727

Don’t miss a podcast!
Subscribe on iTunes Here

Can There Be “Pro-Choice” Christians?

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All life is precious to God.

I wrote the following post on September 10, 2012.

Given the disturbing and heartbreaking recent videos which expose Planned Parenthood for the evil that it is committing, I urge you to contact your state representative and ask them to join the movement to defund this murderous organization. In the United States, a half a billion tax dollars go to fund this genocide each year.

We must speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Sign the petition to remove your tax dollars from supporting Planned Parenthood here.

“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

___

September 2012
This may not be a very popular post, but I feel the need to write about this as I am hearing so many Christians are unwilling to stand for life. It breaks my heart, and I KNOW it breaks God’s heart.

A gal emailed me today about the abortion thread on my wall. The familiar argument of the church being passionate about the unborn but failing to care for the BORN is a poor excuse for murder.

You know, I have heard this argument before and honestly it rings very hollow to me, because for as imperfect as the church is, it does a good job of reaching out to the “already born”. There are gazillions of programs available through the church and other Christian ministries that reach everyone from the homeless to the prostitute to drug addicted … every.single.day. We DO stand up for the already born. Many Christians would take a child that is not their own… I can think of many off the top of my head and I bet you could, too.

Update: Below is the third video released that shows the horror that is happening to unborn Americans.

The only reason we kill our unborn is because we are selfish. We kill the unborn because they cannot speak for themselves. It’s easier to make the baby “go away” in the culture we live in than it is to bring it into the world and give it up for adoption. What’s REALLY sad about that is that this society does not look down on unwed mothers like it used to and we still persist in killing our unborn!

We have the most pro-abortion president in American history right now … one that would allow me to partially give birth to my child before killing it. As a Christian, I cannot stand by in silence when God has made it ABUNDANTLY clear how He feels on the issue of life.

Even in the case of rape/incest, how does KILLING one of the innocent party make anything better? Surely we would not kill a living mother in favor of her unborn child .. and why? Because we can SEE, HEAR, and FEEL the mother. It makes it harder to murder someone once they’re born. Surely we would cry out in defense of an innocent being murdered on the streets in front of our eyes! How “sterile” we have made the whole process of abortion, right down to washing our hands of the whole messy discussion. Christians! Stand for righteousness! Do not be afraid!

I’m reading Deitrich Bonhoeffer right now — the evil that he witnessed is not much unlike the evil we are allowing right now in this nation. We will be judged for turning a blind eye to the murder of innocent. Like Noah, I want to be found righteous in God’s eyes. No matter what the culture says, we know the truth. We will be held accountable.

Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Defund Planned Parenthood. Every life matters.

Having a Creator Changes Everything

5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Started Homeschooling

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With changes rapidly happening in our public school system, more parents than ever are considering the very viable option of homeschooling. If you’re one of those, read on.I’ll never forget our first year of homeschooling.I sort of “fell” into homeschooling, and so, admittedly, I was not as well prepared as some of you dear readers will be. In fact, I was about as green as green could get—but I was trying—right down to the flag salute and scheduled recess time. Like many new homeschool moms, I was trying to imitate what I remembered about school. And the school that I attended as a child had a flag salute. So we did, too.As you are probably guessing, our first year was tricky. The neighbors thought we were crazy, my parents wondered out loud about my “ability” to teach our children, and I had no idea how to get dinner on the table and still teach math, reading, and science. Or, maybe I didn’t need to be teaching science to our second grader? The opinions on teaching science to second graders were mixed, after all.Can you relate? Oh, the things I worried about!I needed a class for homeschool rookies, but unfortunately, there were no such classes around.

Homeschooling is the best decision we have ever made with regard to how we would educate our children. But I won’t lie to you—those first few years were especially challenging. If I could start again, I would do a few things differently.

But even so, God has a way of working all things together for good as we trust him. Here are just a few of the many things he’s taught me over the past fifteen years:

Education is Discipleship

“A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.” (Luke 6:40)Education is discipleship. This simple sentence has become the mission statement of our homeschool. The Lord has taught us the simple truth about education through homeschooling. And the truth is that ALL education can be summed up in one word: discipleship.Because the Bible tells us that students become like their teachers, we know that our children are modeling us in every area of life. Luke 6:40 bears special meaning for homeschooling parents. It reminds us that no matter who is teaching our children, they are being discipled; and it compels us to examine our own lives, because our children are very likely going to be just like we are.The culture we live in has made academics the “main thing,” but I beg to differ. Academics pale in comparison to teaching our children what it means to be men and women who are sold out for Jesus Christ, ready to give an answer for the Hope that lies within them. Education is simply the opportunity to shape the hearts and minds of our children. There can be no greater goal than to teach our children to follow hard after Christ.

Manner is More Important Than Method

As a new homeschooler, I was bombarded with academic opportunities. Dozens of programs and curricula overwhelmed me at the homeschool conference. I studied my options, poring through homeschool catalogs and investigating different companies. Our coffee table overflowed with flyers and curriculum samples.

If I could start over (which I can, each year, by the way!), I would have spent more time praying and preparing for the manner in which I would be known for teaching our children, rather the method I chose. At the end of the day, my kids remember much more about how I taught them, rather that what I taught them.

As you begin homeschooling, take some time to think about how you want your kids to remember their homeschool years. I have learned that the relationships I foster with my children are much more important than the books I choose.

Fruit Grows Over Time

No one ever plants a fruit tree and expects mature fruit to appear overnight. Yet, for some reason, homeschool parents often feel pressure to “out-perform” in almost every area of parenting, even when children are very young!

Your kids don’t need to be seen as geniuses. If your neighbors ask your fourth grader what the capital of Texas is and he answers “Oregon,” don’t panic! Remind yourself that good fruit takes time to grow. The results of good homeschooling take time to see.

We can place undue pressure on ourselves and our children when we saddle ourselves with expectations that do not come from the Lord. See his expectations and live up to those. The rest either don’t matter, or will come in time. There will never be a teacher more devoted to the success of your child than you are.

Child Training Trumps the A-B-Cs

Is your child disobedient? Whining? Ungrateful? Rebellious? If so, then “real” school has begun.

Training your child to be obedient is more important than teaching addition. Don’t be afraid to stop formal schooling to teach the greater lessons of life: obedience, respect, truthfulness, graciousness, and love. I have met many parents over the years who miss the true opportunity of homeschooling by focusing solely on academics. Their children suffer for it. The parents suffer too, but it’s usually later down the road.

Consider Eli, who served as a priest in Israel. His unwillingness to discipline his sons brought dishonor to his family, and ultimately, grave punishment to his sons and himself.

You will not have done your child any favors if he or she is fluent in three languages, but cannot speak a single one in a loving and respectful way. When we honor God’s ways first, the rest will follow.

Learning Style Matters

Take the time to discover both your primary learning style and the learning styles of your children. Moms who know their learning style have an easier time choosing curriculum and a far greater success rate in teaching their children the best way.

Your preferred learning style will guide the way you learn, and it will greatly influence the way you teach!

For example, I know that I am a visual learner. If I had taken the time to discover this earlier in my homeschooling, I would have avoided many of the curricula that I chose, because I would have known that I would probably not enjoy teaching it.

Generally, you will find that you and your children fall into one of these learning styles:

• Visual (spatial): You prefer using pictures, images, and spatial understanding.

• Verbal (linguistic): You prefer using words, both in speech and writing.

• Physical (kinesthetic): You prefer using your body, hands, and sense of touch.

• Logical (mathematical): You prefer using logic, reasoning, and systems.

• Social (interpersonal): You prefer to learn in groups or with other people.

• Solitary (intrapersonal): You prefer to work alone and use self-study.

There are many books and websites dedicated to learning styles. Check them out! You’ll be glad you did.

It’s been many years since I took my first steps as a new homeschool mom. Last month, we graduated our son, who never went to “regular” school. Like his two sisters before him, Skylar is ready. He graduated in June from our homeschool, and as he did, he was likely to catch a glimpse of two wide-eyed parents staring at him in a cap and gown … not because they couldn’t believe he graduated, but because they couldn’t believe it went by so fast.

With four more children coming up, we are learning just how fast it goes—and how worth it the journey is.