Tag Archives: faith – not formula

Feeling Anxious and Overwhelmed?

As moms, it can seem impossible to go a day without feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or worried about our families and children. I have a tendency toward depression, which lends itself to anxiety also…so for my personality it may be even more so drawn that direction. Regardless of our personalities, though, God’s Word does give us the answers to our anxiety problems.

God’s Word doesn’t give us a formula, it leads us to a relationship. There are no 3 easy steps to getting through anxiety and depression in our lives, but He gives us the grace of Himself in us. Christ in me, the hope of glory!

I believe that this passage in Philippians, one of my all time favorites, gives us one of the major keys to having peace in difficult times of anxiety. Does the Lord promise to take our problems away? No. Does the Lord tell us this life will be easy? No.

But, He does promise us Himself and His peace. And that peace, friends? That peace is beyond our understanding. The hardest moments of our lives don’t magically disappear…but that peace transcends anything on this earth that we can see, touch or feel.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

This verse gives us the key…do you see it? Prayer brings peace. In everything, everything, present your requests to God ~ with thanksgiving ~ AND THE PEACE OF GOD will guard your heart and your mind!!

Feeling anxious? Pray. Speak the name of Jesus if you have no other words.

Did you catch the other key to peace? First, we pray about everything. But, when we are praying, pray with thanksgiving.

Feeling overwhelmed with everything on your plate? Start by thanking God for every little thing you can think of.

Worried about your prodigal or sick child? Name aloud the things you can find to be thankful for. As you names your blessings, pray. Keep on praying. As you pray, He will fill your heart with His peace. That peace only comes from Him. That peace only comes when we spend time with Him. That peace comes as a result of our relationship, not a formula.

I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty of trying to rid myself of anxiety as quickly as possible instead of turning to the one place where peace is promised. Getting rid of it is not always God’s plan…giving you peace in the midst of the struggle is what He offers.

Sweet friends, I’ve been so overwhelmed lately myself, this message is for me as much as it is for you. I hope you will join me in spending more time on our knees than looking for ways out of our circumstances.

Prayer and thanksgiving bring peace. That sweet, sweet fellowship with the Lover of our souls fills us up with peace indescribable. I’ve seen it in my own life time and time again. I know He will do the same for you!

Click over to my blog if you’d like to read more about my journey with depression.

The Gift of a Terrible Two!

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Brianna was only two years old, and I was so proud of my girl. She was the kind of toddler that did everything right. She never yelled, “NO!” She obeyed quickly. She was a happy little girl who wanted to please those around her, and she loved everyone. I decided that it was because I had done everything right. We were faithfully disciplining her, I was a stay at home mom, we had family bible time. Yes. I was doing it right, and the fruit of my rightness was an obedient two year old. The two’s don’t have to be terrible! I would say with self-confidence.

Then I gave birth to my second child.

Things started out in a similar fashion as they did with my first child. He was a happy, content baby. We started disciplining him early. I was a stay at home mom and he was included in Bible time. Our daughter was three years old and loved her little brother. Things were going well.

Then he turned two…

I’m not sure what happened on the second birthday of my second born, but my “the “twos” don’t have to be terrible” theory was slowly becoming a fallacy! The “twos” were terrible! They were awful! I would look at my husband and ask, “What are we doing wrong?” He would shake his head and say, “I don’t know!” I began to wonder if I would ever enjoy being a mother again.

“...God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

I was a prideful mommy, and God was using my son to humble me!

Twenty years later I can see very clearly what was happening, but in the moment I was desperate for help. I am so thankful for the gift of a “terrible two” because it was exactly what this girl needed to be humbled. It’s the very thing that I needed to begin the process of learning that I can really only do so much. God has to work in the heart of my child. He has made individuals, not robots that respond to the “do’s and don’ts” of parenting!

God has made each child to be an individual. In some ways that makes it a little harder for us as parents, because there’s really no cookie cutter way of parenting. But if we allow it to, it forces us to drop to our knees and pray for continual guidance on how to direct each child. I have found that as I view my children as individuals, I am learning to appreciate them for the unique people that God has made them to be. I learn to love them in a deeper way as I get to know them as people…not just my kids.

Ask yourself some questions:

Do I view my children as the kids that I need to parent, or as individuals I have the privilege of getting to know?
Do I consult parenting books (which CAN be very helpful.) more than I do God and His Word, about the children He created and gave me?
When I give parenting advice, do I automatically share all that I have done as a parent, or do I encourage others to pray and ask God to lead them as individuals?
When people give me compliments about my children, do I take the credit or do I give God the glory for anything good that is seen?
Am I allowing God to use my children in MY life? Do I see that God is using them in my life to mold me into His image just as much as he is using me in their life?

Yes. Our children are individuals. Unique. Precious people. I am a better person having known my children. I sometimes feel that I have learned much, much more from them than they have learned from me! I am so thankful that God has given me 24 years of pointing these two precious people to their Savior!

And now that they are completely grown, if you see anything good in them, the verse that I will share with you is this one:

“…all that we have accomplished HE has done for us.” Isaiah 26:12

Tips On Choosing Curriculum Without Going Broke

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I’m trying to answer some questions I get asked as I get to visit with moms around the country. Last week I answered the question, “How do you get it all done?”

Today, I’ll pull back the curtain on how I choose curriculum for our kids each year. Hopefully, after 17 years of homeschooling, I’ve got a few ideas that will help you avoid some of the ditches I stumbled into!

Little Tip: Whatever you choose needs to be good for both your child and you.
If you don’ t love it, you’ll struggle to teach it.

If you have homeschooled for more than five minutes or done even one internet search in your consideration of homeschooling, you know there is a very long list of curricula out there for you to try. It can be overwhelming. It’s easy to spend too much money in a panic to find just the right program. Here’s the thing: a good homeschool education doesn’t have to be expensive. It shouldn’t break the bank, either.

If you’re just starting your homeschool journey—DON’T PANIC. You don’t need a lot of curriculum. If your kids are very young, you don’t need more than one or two books. We love simple in our home. Our lives are very busy by definition and so when it comes to schooling,

Little Tip: Choose a curriculum that will compliment your lifestyle, not compete with it.
Try not to overthink it.

Are you still curious? Here are a few of my favorite things:

Beginning Reading:

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons – I’ve used this for years and years and all our children are excellent readers. You don’t need anything but pencil and paper to go with this book. I’d suggest doing the writing assignments that go with each lesson. Don’t spend too much time on any lesson in this book. No more than 30 minutes including writing time.

Bob Books for Early Readers – Bob books are our favorite transition from 100 Easy Lessons. We try and do one booklet each day and write a little, too.

Math:

We’ve tried every math program out there. I hesitate to tell you which one we landed on but I do love Teaching Textbooks for grades 7 and up. I also love a little handheld math quizzer called “Flash Master.” It does all the basic math facts in several different formats. We’ve had ours for years and it was well worth the investment.

Life of Fred has literally made our eight-year-old enjoy math. ‘nuf said.

Science:

3-8th grade: I love the Apologia Young Explorer series. You can use them in so many ways and they read like a great story. And yes, I’ve used them with several of our kids through the 8th grade. We simply give more challenging assignments as they get older.

*note: I have a friend who has homeschooled her kids forever w/out picking up a formal science book until they were in high school. Of her three kids, one is a doctor, one an attorney and one a teacher. They did just fine.

High school writing

I’m a fan of IEW – Institute in Excellence for Writing. Check it out. I don’t do this for our younger kids because they love to write already and I do too—but as they get into high school, we do IEW and love it. (The link is to the author’s page.)

Unit Studies

For grades 3 and up, you can’t beat YWAM Christian Heroes Series. They are my favorite tool for teaching geography, history and social studies. One six dollar book not only gives your kids a window into another culture, but teaches them about people who followed God in the most incredible ways. I love them!

Five in a Row takes wonderful children’s literature and makes a unit study out of it. It’s brilliantly written, inexpensive and easy to use for preschoolers through about 6th grade. If you love learning with your children while you snuggle up on the couch, this is for you!

Check these resources out too:

Pocketful of Pinecones by Karen Andreola is a great reminder of what education can look like. She also wrote A Charlotte Mason Companion which I loved.

I suppose I could go on and on about this, so if you have a specific question please let me know. I’d love to hear what’s working for you.

At the end of the day and regardless of what curricula you land on, keep in mind that the curriculum is there to help you, not to take over for you. You are the teacher—and you can do it!

No curriculum can be a substitute for God’s gentle leadership in your homeschool.

So before you spend hundreds of dollars thinking you have found the miracle curriculum that will make homeschooling simple, remember the promise God makes in Matthew 11:28 –

My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Homeschooling should be a joy. It should not run you over and leave you for dead. If you’re already overwhelmed by the curriculum or program you chose, it may be time to prayerfully consider another way. ♥

You can do this, busy mom! Enjoy your kids!

xoxo, Heidi

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

Don’t Turn Away: Trouble in the Homeschool Movement

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Oops. It happened again.

Another “pillar” of the homeschool movement has resigned after allegations of sexual misconduct and inappropriate behavior.

“In allegations going back decades, Gothard, 79, and unmarried, is said to have specifically targeted young women and teen girls to perform administrative duties for him at IBLP’s headquarters, where he eventually would make unwanted and inappropriate physical contact while also manipulating them emotionally.” (Christian Post.com)

This comes just months after a scandal at Vision Forum forced the resignation of Doug Phillips. Of course, I’m troubled by this. But what’s more troubling to me is the lack of concern that the homeschool community seems to have for the victims of Gothard’s and Phillips teachings. There seems to be more concern for protecting these men and their “ministries” because it may have a negative impact on homeschooling than for the lives of the people who have been hurt and abused.

What in the world are we thinking?

I’d like to make something very clear: Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips are not the spokesmen for the homeschool movement. They represent an ideology that has somehow, over the years, gotten much more attention than it ever should have received.

These men have told us how to dress, what to say, when to use birth control (or not) and how to school our children. I say it’s time we had a discussion about it. There’s an elephant in the homeschool movement.

Someone said I was making a “mockery” of a fellow Christian by posting a link to the scandal on my page. I disagree. No one is making a mockery of a fellow Christian. Pretending that it didn’t happen is not helping anyone. Is it painful and embarrassing? Yes. Where there’s sin, pain is sure to follow. My heart breaks for the families, especially the women who have been hurt by the patriocentric, hyper-legalistic, hard-core fundamentalist mentality that has erroneously come to represent the homeschool movement.

Am I sorry to have to say names? Yes. But I’m even more sorry this has been allowed to continue unchecked for so long. Enough is enough. The number of women I have spoken privately to over the years who have been deeply wounded by these teachings compels me to break my silence about the ugly side of a movement that I love. The trouble is not homeschooling. The trouble is false or extra-biblical teaching that has infiltrated large parts of the homeschool movement.

Having been directly impacted by this teaching myself, I hope that others may finally find some release from the legalistic, man-centered teaching that these men and others like them espouse. This latest scandal has proven once again that we MUST NOT, we cannot, put our faith in men.

However, we mustn’t “throw the baby out with the bath water.” There are many good teachers out there who are stewarding God’s gift to them wisely and with great humility. But even a good teacher’s message is not above scrutiny. As individuals, we should hold all things up to the authority of Scripture. We must study the Bible for ourselves rather than relying solely on the words of others, even if they seem like good words.

There are many flawed teachings at ATI and Vision Forum. The worst of them have deeply hurt women and young Christian girls who were vulnerable and whose parents were desperately searching for a formula that would produce the desired result. After all, who doesn’t want that perfect family, that obedient child, that perfect marriage? Formulaic teaching produces one of two things: pride (if/when we get it “right”) or discouragement, disillusionment, and guilt when we don’t.

Once again, thousands of parents who were looking to men have been disillusioned and wounded. Once again, we are left to weep and wonder why it was allowed to get this out of control. We must speak out.

By not speaking out, we become guilty by association. For example, it pains me that the seven children God has blessed me and my husband with automatically associates us with the “quiverfull movement.” Frankly, I’m embarrassed to be associated with such a movement. I have finally decided to be brave and just say it: I don’t believe this movement is biblical.

Movements like this start with a true biblical premise, the fact that the Bible says children are a blessing. This is truth! This is the message we should be sharing! However, “ministries” like the ones Gothard and Phillips started tread deeply into areas of personal conviction, in an attempt to make others feel responsible to believe what they believe, even to the point of teaching things the Bible does not clearly address as fact.

My husband and I believe that homeschooling is a wonderful option for families. In fact, I’d go so far as to say we believe it is the best option. We are grieved to see how it has been hijacked by ideologies and legalism, especially since homeschooling affords us and our children so much freedom to learn and grow together. Homeschooling allows committed parents to provide an excellent education for their children. Homeschooling is not the problem.

The bottom line? Unless we begin to study the Bible for ourselves rather than blindly following the teachings of charismatic personalities, we will continue to see these kinds of abuses happen. Until we say collectively that “enough is enough” and talk about what has happened, it will continue.

Don’t turn away. Like a virus, sin festers and grows when it is ignored. Where forgiveness is needed, I pray we will forgive. Where repentance is required, I pray there is repentance. I don’t want our children to think that their father or I rely on anything but God. We don’t have all the answers. There is no formula, only faith guided by God’s truth.

The moment we begin to trust that God really can finish the work in our children that He began through us will be the moment we will truly learn to trust God and stop leaning on formulas. If you ever listen to a teacher or minister who directs you beyond the grace and love of Jesus alone, run. Our hope is in Jesus. No where else.

I’m praying a little more urgently for leaders and pastors and mothers and fathers tonight.

God knows we need His healing touch.

For more information about Jay and Heidi St. John’s ministry:

Homeschooling Made Simple

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*this post includes affiliate links*

Even though we have eight children and are in our 18th year of homeschooling, the thought of writing a blog about it terrifies me. You would think after this many years, I would be some sort of professional. The truth is, I am easily overwhelmed by the scads of information and choices there are now. Everything from method to curriculum. If I were young again and just starting out or thinking about homeschooling, I’m pretty sure you would find me in a corner somewhere in the fetal position, sucking my thumb!

If you are thinking about homeschooling or just starting out, I encourage you to KEEP THINGS SIMPLE. Don’t overwhelm yourself with information, but pray diligently for God’s leading in schooling your kids. He knows them better than you do, and He will be faithful to show you what’s best for them. Ask God to BRING to you what HE wants for your family. Don’t spend time comparing yourself to others. Your family is unique and has it’s own “culture”. The beauty of home schooling is that we can customize our learning to fit our family’s lifestyle. That means we are NOT modeling the public school classroom.

It is important to nurture your children’s love of learning and that means, especially when they are young, we follow their lead and interests as much as possible. Especially with boys, there often seems to be a need to wait longer to start any formal schooling. It’s a delicate line to walk of encouraging, but not pushing. We have tried to do this so as to foster their love of learning. What has happened at our house is, about age 12-14, instead of being burnt out on learning, they suddenly start to “own” their education. They realize how much they are capable of learning, how many things they are interested in and begin to pursue accordingly, on their own. We have also taught our children to be resourceful: to know how to find out what it is they want to know. My thought has always been that if you nurture their love for learning and teach them to be resourceful, they will be able to do whatever they decide they want to do!

When our kids were little, I had a need to be able to tangibly see their progress, so I used some workbooks, but kept them to a minimum. To learn reading, we started out with Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. This book teaches to read phonetically and is broken up into short, easy lessons. It is simple enough for your older, reading children to use in teaching the youngers, which is very helpful if you have several children. When the kids were reading somewhat well and able to write their letters, I would start them in an age appropriate math and language book. The plan was to do a couple pages in each book every morning, but with so many little ones, much of the time we were doing well to get 3 days a week done.

My goal is to be as consistent as is humanly possible. But life happens and I am not consistent if we have too much on our plate. We keep our school plan simple so that we have flexibility to let the kids follow some interests on their own. What that looks like for us through the elementary years is to try to make sure that we do the basics each day: math and language arts (including reading, writing, etc). Science and history are something our kids, at this age, explore on their own. I try to listen for the things they seem interested in and have good books around for them to read. We can waste a lot of time at the library trying to find appropriate books, so a good book list resource is important. One of my favorite book lists is, “Read for the Heart: Whole Books for WholeHearted Families” by Sarah Clarkson. The books listed are not “twaddle”, but meaningful books, with good illustrations and listed by subject and age appropriateness.

I also love Five in a Row by Jane Lambert. This is more of a unit study that you can use for several age levels at once. You read the suggested books (which were carefully chosen by Jane) as a springboard. Then she does a beautiful job of explaining different activities and conversations for several subjects based on that book. You have the option of doing as little or as much as you want or need for that day. (They have a free complete unit available for download, so it’s really easy to try it out!)

When they get into jr. high, we start to be more intentional in adding science and/or history to the basic mix. Sometimes it works well to combine two subjects. For instance, right now, two of our boys are choosing a time period that they study (with resources they find) and take notes on for 2 weeks. Then they write a report about all that they learned and turn it in to me. By doing this, they cover history, reading, writing (sentence structure, spelling, punctuation, taking good notes, grammar) and meeting a deadline.

This plan worked well for all of our children…except the last one. He has had some learning issues and, in his case, it was important to get an earlier start. Dyslexia, dysgraphia, etc. require early intervention, so if you are suspect that your child might have some learning issues, make sure you get a diagnosis sooner rather than later.

The truth is that our kids will remember more from our example than from what we say. All the practicalities aside, what is our goal? Don’t we want to raise children who love the Lord and carry out His purposes for them? That means that school revolves around home, not home around school. I believe the best way to do that is to live life with our kids. Be authentic, be intentional and most of all, be gospel centered, growing right alongside your children.

You can read more by Durenda on homeschooling by visiting her at Simple Nourishing Home

18 Things I’ve Learned in 18 Years of Homeschooling

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I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years. Where did the time go?

It really is a wonder that my children are doing as well as they are when I consider my abilities or rather, disabilities. In all seriousness though, God has taught me so much about what really matters in my homeschool. Here are eighteen things I have learned in 18 years of homeschooling.

1. Education is more than academics. As a person who was highly prone to making an idol out of education, this is no small statement. Honestly, you can be the most well-educated, even the most intelligent person and yet lack the character to impact the world for good.

2. Parents are more than qualified to teach their children. In fact, research has shown that motivation is more important than education. Think about it. Who is more motivated to ensure that your child receives the best education possible? A teacher of 30 + kids or a parent?

3. God fills in the gaps. I have seen this over and over again. Sweet mamas, trust Him. He is working all of these chapters in your life for good. Breathe and trust!

4. Much can be learned from homeschool parents that have gone before you. Listen, learn and consider other ways of doing things. Don’t be afraid to try new things.

5. Don’t copycat. On the other hand, blindly following isn’t good for anyone. Learn from others and adapt curricula and teaching styles to fit your unique family but don’t copy another family like some algebraic formula. There is no one formula for the perfect homeschool.

6. Just when you think you’ve got this thing…things change. Well, we wouldn’t want to grow complacent or overly self-assured, would we? If something isn’t working, change it. That is what eBay is for, no? Read, learn, pray, grow. If something is clearly not working in your homeschool, it is okay to change things up – even before the end of the semester/year.

7. Learning issues aren’t disabilities, they are differences. God makes no mistakes. People who learn differently were made that way by God. “So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord?” Exodus 4:11 Teach to your child’s learning style and keep working on the weaknesses.

8. Character-training is a subject. Make time for it. You’ll be glad you did.

9. Play is a subject for young kids. Kindergarten should take about half an hour. Read, love and play, play, play!

10. Interest-led learning is still learning. Text books are not the only way. Be brave – think outside the box!

11. Prepare for the teen years. Deal with your teens in an understanding way. What were you like when you were that age? A bit of compassion goes a long way. Oh, and the changes of adolescence can begin before the teen years. Be prepared!

12. There is extraordinary power in prayer. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

13. There is extraordinary power in the Word. Too busy for Bible study? Remember your goals – the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (1Timothy 1:5) And this, “So then, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17

14. Observe and point out the impact of world views early and often. Teach your kids discernment. If you don’t know what a world view is, find out!

15. Teach apologetics earnestly. The Christian faith is under attack. May I dare to say that we are no longer in a post-modern culture but an anti-Christian one? Teach your kids the reason for their faith. “Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord.” Isaiah 1:18

16. Don’t compare. There is always someone that appears to have it all together. Yet, all of us have some trial or tribulation. God is weaving together your unique story for a great purpose.

17. It is unlikely that you will ever ‘get it all done’. What ever that even is! You may, however, get everything that you can done and that is okay!

18. Not to discourage you, but your house will never be clean! <grin>

What wisdom have you gained from your homeschooling years?

For more homeschool encouragement, visit Marianne at her blog Abundant Life.

The Crown of the Aged

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If you are reading this right now, chances are you are a mom. If you’re like me, you’re trying to find five minutes to yourself. Motherhood is a demanding profession. It’s 24/7, doesn’t pay well and gets almost no respect. I think that’s part of the reason moms feel so overwhelmed. Frankly, I think it’s why our culture is struggling the way it is.

Our culture has largely rejected the idea that children are a blessing. I’ll never forget the looks I received when we were expecting our fifth child. Cold stares, people counting by nodding their heads. At one point I remember being embarrassed to go Costco with the children while I looked pregnant. I just couldn’t stand feeling like people were staring and pointing and talking behind my back.

It’s been years since then. I got over my embarrassment, obviously, because we went on to have two more children. Why? Because my husband and I realized something as we grew in our relationship. We realized that our investment in our children was the best thing about our life. Easy? NO. Worth it? YES! Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.”

Wow! Isn’t that counter to the culture that we live in? The fruit of the womb, the Bible says, is a reward! If you look at Proverb 17:6, it says, “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged and the glory of children is their father’s.”

I am learning this first hand. We just experienced the joy of welcoming our first grandchild into the family, and there is nothing like it in the whole world. Someone should have told me about it, because I would have had grandchildren first! It’s all newborn, nothing of the nightshift! Looking in the eyes of this beautiful little boy who is being raised by MY daughter and her husband is glorious!

If you’re in the throes of raising children (no matter the size of your family) keep in mind that you are doing the best work there is. The culture tells us that children are a burden but God says they are a blessing! The culture says only try to have one or two children, but God says blessed is the man whose quiver is full of children.

I wish that as a culture, we looked at children the way that God does. I’m not talking about disputable matters when I talk about children, either. I don’t care to get into a discussion about birth control. I do want to point you towards God’s Word so that y0u can see how God views children. Over and over again we read that God loves children. His heart is for children.

In Matthew 19, we read about how the children were brought to Jesus so that He could lay His hands on them and pray for them, but the disciples rebuked the people saying, “Hey, Jesus is too busy for the kids.” But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” He then laid his hands upon them and went away.

Children are a gift.

Busy mom, if you have just found out that you’re pregnant with another child and you’re feeling burdened and overwhelmed or someone is mocking your pregnancy announcement, don’t let them bother you. Whenever we were pregnant, people would come up to us and say, “Hey, do you know how that works?” Eventually, after so many incidents, my husband finally said, “Yeah, we do, and we like it!” We can think of lots of things to say to people when they make fun of the number of children we have, but I always tell parents it’s the hardest, best thing we have ever done is having a big family. We are so thankful that we didn’t let negative comments cheat us out of enjoying the wonder of raising children.

Am I saying that it’s easy? Absolutely not! There have been days where I’ve wanted to throw myself off a cliff! Sometimes I look at my husband and say, “Why did we have all these children?” There have been days when I wondered if I could do it for one more moment… but I’ll tell you what, the Bible is true. God’s mercy is new every morning.

His mercy will be new for you every day, busy mom. One day, by God’s grace, we will be looking back on our lives and we’ll really understand what it means to have a “crown of the aged.” Until then, I choose to believe God’s Word.

Children a blessing.