Author Archives: Gina Smith

About Gina Smith

Gina Smith has been married to Brian for 25 years, and is mom to Brianna (age 23) and Caleb (age 20), whom were homeschooled from K - 12. She has served alongside her husband at a small Christian college right outside of Washington DC for almost 20 years, where she served as the Dean of Women. When she has time, she loves to write and share what God is teaching her.

To Date or Not to Date? That is the Question…

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Courtship v. Dating. These are hot-button topics for many families these days. The following post was written by my friend and Busy Mom writer, Gina. I love her heart and perspective, because it’s not fear-based or rules-based—it’s grace based. Raising teens is difficult. Let’s not make it more difficult by making things harder or scarier than they need to be. Thanks for the insight, Gina! With two of my seven now grown and gone, it’s still a great reminder to me that at the end of the day, my kids belong to God, and my job is to teach our children how to listen for His heart. His is the only opinion that matters.

What does the Bible say about dating? What about courtship? Interestingly enough, the words courtship and dating are not found in the Bible. So, if the Bible indeed does say so little about dating, why are there so many books written telling us how we should think about the subject?

Dating is another one of those issue that we’d like to have all the answers. We’d love to have a list of rules that we can hand our children and tell them to follow. There are books with different Christian philosophies for us to consider, but the bottom line is that there are very few hard and fast Biblical rules.

As my children were growing up there were a number of popular books available to help us form our philosophy of dating. We studied them and decided what we agreed with and what ideals we wanted to teach our kids. As our kids got older we realized that what we were doing was taking those ideals and imposing them onto real life people. If these ideals are not Biblical, but a man’s idea of how he thinks things need to be to walked out, we are in danger of imposing on our kids a burden that was never meant to be imposed.

Maybe this whole dating issue is a little simpler than we want to make it.

What not to do:

Do not react against our cultural extremes (or what we don’t agree with that our parents did!) and throw out the whole concept of dating. Just because our culture may not have boundaries in dating doesn’t mean the concept is wrong. Of course, we must separate from any world view that is not consistent with God’s heart. (2 Peter 2: 20)
Do not idealize the practices of another era (ie the victorian era) or culture, decide what is “God’s way” to do things, and then impose them on your kids.
Do not let this issue be one that causes division among believers. I’ve known moms that proudly announce “MY kids DON’T date!” and with that announcement there is the potential to put up walls between them and a mom whose kids do date, or whose kids may be struggling in this particular area. Any issue that is not clearly set out in scripture should not be one that causes division. We need to give room for the biblical principles that are found in scripture that might be applied to the concept of dating or courtship to look different from person to another.
Do not hold up a book to be the gospel truth. Glean what you can from books, but since there is so little in scripture written about this subject, we must remember that these are merely ideas or suggestions that a man (or woman) have come to.

What to do?

Pray! The fact that the rules of dating are not found in scripture gives parents another opportunity to pray for God to guide them in the lives of each child. It also reminds us of the fact that they are individuals and that things might look a bit different from one child to the next.
Teach! We can look at biblical principles and do our best to teach them to our children so that they can apply them to all their relationships, including those of the opposite sex to whom they may find themselves attracted.
Talk! The discussion can start long before our children are anywhere near the time when dating might begin. Attraction to the opposite sex begins very early in life. It is a normal, God given desire and attraction. We should never make our kids feel guilty for having a normal attraction, but begin the discussion about how to handle that desire. Draw them out and listen to their thoughts and heart. Don’t dictate to them how they should think.
Inform! You can begin by sharing that the ultimate goal in dating is to meet a potential marriage partner. Dating can be used to get to know the opposite sex, with marriage in mind, but also a chance to learn how to interact with the opposite sex in a God honoring way.
Pray some more! We need to pray for, and with, our kids. Ask God for wisdom to know how to help your kids walk out this area in their lives. Encourage your kids to pray about what this should look like in their lives. When the time comes that they come to you and express that they are interested in someone, you can begin to pray for wisdom on how to handle the friendship. James 1:5

There is one important, non-negotiable rule of dating. The scripture is very clear that God’s desire for believers is that they marry a believer. So, that would be one hard and fast rule you can have. 2 Cor. 6:14

Read the Word. Pray. Seek God’s direction. Pray for your children. Allow God to do things His way in your children and their relationships, and try to enjoy the process!

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Psalm 32:8

Celebrate Your Children?

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Are you being a help or a hindrance in your child’s personal faith journey? I can’t imagine that any parent would purposely be a hindrance. We all want what is best for our children, and have in mind what we think is the best way to accomplish all we want for them. Unfortunately, if we aren’t careful, we can actually be a hindrance and not even realize it. I don’t want that, I know you don’t either! So what’s a mom to do?

Take the time to reflect on how God parents you, and then turn around and do the same for your children! And how does God parent you? By lavishing you with grace. From the moment you are conceived to the very end of your life, you are showered with grace from your heavenly Father. He draws you to Himself, makes you His child, and carries you through each day. As a parent, we can purpose to stay connected to our Source of grace, and then we can be a channel by which God’s grace is shown.

We have the amazing privilege of being the very first people who will live out and introduce the gospel of Grace to our children!

Of course we love this concept, but what do you do when you find yourself in the middle of the daily grind of fussy babies, piles of diapers, willful two year old, sibling battles, loads of laundry, and all that comes with the daily in and out of raising children? At times you can find yourself stuck in survival mode.

You must prepare yourself to live a life of grace with your children.

The first, and most important thing is to be connected to the Source of grace! You must fight for time to be in the Word and prayer. Nurture your relationship with God. As we press in, and depend upon the Source, we are given what we need to face the daily stuff of life, and we also are provided with the ability to pour that same grace out onto our precious children.

Second, evaluate how you are viewing those precious people God has entrusted you with! Do you view them as kids you need to raise, or as precious, unique individuals that have been entrusted to your care for a few short years?

This is something that I am very passionate about! So passionate, in fact, that I wrote a book about it! Let me introduce to you:

Grace Gifts: Celebrating Your Children Every Day

Grace Gifts is not meant to be another book of standards for you to try and measure up to. It is not just another “to do” list for you to follow. My goal in sharing the things that God is so graciously teaching my husband and me is to encourage you away from rules and lists–and the striving and fear that go with them–and instead free you up to be encouraged to relax, to enjoy your children, and learn how to see them as the amazing individuals God made them to be. To encourage you to parent your children with grace.

We, as parents, have an amazing privilege and opportunity to teach our children what the meaning of grace is by putting it into action as we interact with them through every season of their lives, as we respond to them in the challenges of daily life–even when they resist authority, even when they make mistakes. As they navigate the battles of life, they need us to extend grace to them daily and celebrate with them in times of victory.

We give them a priceless gift when we choose to become their biggest cheerleader and support system. Celebrating our children and showing them the same grace we have experienced from our God helps us to view our kids as more than just our children who need to be raised, but as precious people who need to be pointed to Christ.

So why do we celebrate our children? Because our Heavenly Father celebrates us, every day.

And, like our children, we need His gentle reminders of grace that point us back to the cross. We see in Zephaniah 3:17, that God celebrates His children! We also see in Isaiah 62:5 that He rejoices over us “…as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” In the same way God rejoices over and celebrates us, we can rejoice over and celebrate our own children, showing them a picture of the Father!

Would you like to learn how to connect with your children and how to be their biggest cheerleader no matter what stage of parenthood you find yourself in?

Join me as I share practical ways in which we can celebrate our children, at any age, by lavishing them with grace, helping them to gain an understanding of what God does for each of us on a daily basis.

You can purchase “Grace Gifts: Celebrating Your Children Every Day” HERE! And please let me know if it is an encouragement to you!

The Gift of a Terrible Two!

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Brianna was only two years old, and I was so proud of my girl. She was the kind of toddler that did everything right. She never yelled, “NO!” She obeyed quickly. She was a happy little girl who wanted to please those around her, and she loved everyone. I decided that it was because I had done everything right. We were faithfully disciplining her, I was a stay at home mom, we had family bible time. Yes. I was doing it right, and the fruit of my rightness was an obedient two year old. The two’s don’t have to be terrible! I would say with self-confidence.

Then I gave birth to my second child.

Things started out in a similar fashion as they did with my first child. He was a happy, content baby. We started disciplining him early. I was a stay at home mom and he was included in Bible time. Our daughter was three years old and loved her little brother. Things were going well.

Then he turned two…

I’m not sure what happened on the second birthday of my second born, but my “the “twos” don’t have to be terrible” theory was slowly becoming a fallacy! The “twos” were terrible! They were awful! I would look at my husband and ask, “What are we doing wrong?” He would shake his head and say, “I don’t know!” I began to wonder if I would ever enjoy being a mother again.

“...God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

I was a prideful mommy, and God was using my son to humble me!

Twenty years later I can see very clearly what was happening, but in the moment I was desperate for help. I am so thankful for the gift of a “terrible two” because it was exactly what this girl needed to be humbled. It’s the very thing that I needed to begin the process of learning that I can really only do so much. God has to work in the heart of my child. He has made individuals, not robots that respond to the “do’s and don’ts” of parenting!

God has made each child to be an individual. In some ways that makes it a little harder for us as parents, because there’s really no cookie cutter way of parenting. But if we allow it to, it forces us to drop to our knees and pray for continual guidance on how to direct each child. I have found that as I view my children as individuals, I am learning to appreciate them for the unique people that God has made them to be. I learn to love them in a deeper way as I get to know them as people…not just my kids.

Ask yourself some questions:

Do I view my children as the kids that I need to parent, or as individuals I have the privilege of getting to know?
Do I consult parenting books (which CAN be very helpful.) more than I do God and His Word, about the children He created and gave me?
When I give parenting advice, do I automatically share all that I have done as a parent, or do I encourage others to pray and ask God to lead them as individuals?
When people give me compliments about my children, do I take the credit or do I give God the glory for anything good that is seen?
Am I allowing God to use my children in MY life? Do I see that God is using them in my life to mold me into His image just as much as he is using me in their life?

Yes. Our children are individuals. Unique. Precious people. I am a better person having known my children. I sometimes feel that I have learned much, much more from them than they have learned from me! I am so thankful that God has given me 24 years of pointing these two precious people to their Savior!

And now that they are completely grown, if you see anything good in them, the verse that I will share with you is this one:

“…all that we have accomplished HE has done for us.” Isaiah 26:12

Tell Them So That They Will Know Full Well!

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I was sitting next to her mother when the young woman arrived to pick up her son. She was tall, thin, and her long dark hair was naturally curly and complimented her dark eyes. She walked over to where her mother and I were sitting, greeted us, grabbed her son’s hand, and left. She never made eye contact.

“Your daughter is beautiful,” I said. “Oh, really?” she answered. “She doesn’t think she is. Her father and I made it a point to never tell her she was beautiful because we didn’t want her to become prideful.”

I was stunned.

I knew the young woman’s story. She had been homeschooled and had come from a very strict, rules oriented home. When she graduated from high school and got a job that didn’t revolve around the church or her home, she began to receive the kind of attention and affirmation that she had not received at home. She married a man her parents did not approve of and she now had a child. She was living under the cloud of her parent’s disapproval.

I know that the young woman’s parents were well meaning. I have known others with a similar parenting philosophy. But I left that conversation feeling very sad, and I resolved to not follow in her footsteps. My children were very young at the time and I couldn’t imagine NOT encouraging them in any way possible!

So, how can a parent encourage their children and keep them from becoming prideful?

1. It is not our job to “raise Godly children” or to “keep them from becoming prideful”. It is our calling to be:

authentic believers and live out the gospel in humility before our children.
to nurture, instruct, guide, love, build up, and pray for our children.
to share God’s Word and share the gospel with our children.

God is the only one who can work in a child’s heart and change him into a godly, humble person. His Spirit draws them, opens their eyes, and changes and matures them.

2. Children are born with a prideful, sinful, and self focused heart.

Ephesians 2:3 tells us that we are all “by nature children of wrath.”
Proverbs 22:15 tells us, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child.”
Psalm 51:5 states that we all come into the world as sinners: “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me.”
Ephesians 2:2 says that all people who are not in Christ are “sons of disobedience.”
Genesis 8:21 declares, “…the intent of man’s heart is evil from his youth.”

3. We can help our kids learn how to deal with the pride that is already in their hearts by:

teaching them how to fight the fight we are all in, and letting them know that we as are all in this fight together.
making sure they know that we are coming along side them, will help equip them to be able to sift through all the messages that are out there and see things in the right perspective! GOD’S perspective!
helping them to see and sift through the lies of our culture that might cause them to stumble.

God has created every single aspect of our being to be used to bring Him glory. We are made in His image, which means we are a reflection of Him. That means who we are physically, mentally/emotionally, spiritually, and our gifts and abilities. All these things show us how good God is and they are gifts from him. They are also areas that can cause us to focus on Him if we see them correctly.

We can affirm our children because God has made them uniquely the way they are, and when we do that we are glorifying God for his good works.

I’m not talking about flattery or “building self-esteem”. I’m not talking about feeding the prideful desire for human praise. I am talking about praising the work that God has done and is doing in another person.

Praising people to the glory of God.

Back to the young woman. I wonder if she would have made different choices if she had been encouraged and affirmed as she was growing up. If she had learned how to handle the attention she would get outside of the four walls of her home and church, learned that she was created in the image of God, and that her beauty and abilities were a reflection of HIS image, maybe things would have been different. I don’t know. But ignoring the fact that she was beautiful didn’t make the fact that she was beautiful non-existent. All it did was make her feel like she wasn’t anything special and that she wasn’t attractive. Nothing was done to help equip her in how to use these characteristics to point others to God.

I can think of nothing better than refreshing my children and pointing them to God and His goodness, by expressing gratitude for how God has made them and what God is doing in them. It enables them to see God’s great work, but also helps them to see Him as the source.

I am looking for every opportunity I can to encourage my children, and others, in this way so that they are refreshed and God gets the glory He deserves

Tell them they are beautiful….inside and out!

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

Tell them so that they will know full well!

We Are Not a Perfect Family!

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Do you ever find yourself looking around at other families and thinking that they have it all together? When my children were young, I put myself under a lot of pressure comparing my family to others, and looking at what appeared to be the ideal standard. I remember looking at homeschooling magazines and seeing all the pictures of children sitting at the kitchen table with smiles on their faces, happily doing their school work. That scenario was not a reality in our home on most days!

In fact, during our years of homeschooling, on most days my children didn’t want to do school at all!

I slowly learned to stop focusing on the ideal, unrealistic picture that was continually thrust in front of me, and embraced the reality that I was a sinner who was dealing with a bunch of sinners. It was never going to be a perfect little picture in our home, because the reality was that we are all in a process of growth. A long, hard, process of growth.

What a relief it was when I began to realize that I just needed to pray that God would do His work in my family, and that He would cause us look the way He wanted us to look.

I cannot expect my children to have arrived, because I have not arrived. We are in a process of arriving.

It is freeing to not live under pressure–either self-imposed or imposed by others. We must simply offer up ourselves and our families as sinful vessels and admit that if you see any good in any of us, it is the presence of God in our lives.

One of the things that I have noticed about sin is that if we see ourselves, I mean, really see ourselves and our weakness, it will drive us to our knees. You see, left to ourselves my family would be a mess. Going before the Lord, confessing our sin, and throwing ourselves at His feet draws us closer to God and closer to each other.

If you see any qualities in my family that are good, it’s only because God is doing a work. He gets the glory. If you were to be a fly on the wall in my home, I can assure you that you would see much sin present. I do not mean we should just put up with it, or that there is nothing we can do about it. Sin is a very serious thing that needs to be dealt with.

That is why we need a Savior!

I do not need to strive to have the perfect family. I just need to strive to glorify God in all that I do and encourage my children to do the same. God’s grace takes our failures, forgives us, teaches us, and uses them for His purpose and glory.

I am so thankful that He is a part of my family. He is growing us up, and is doing some incredible things in us as individuals and as a family.

I said to the Lord, You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing. Psalm 16:2

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works. Psalms 73:28

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom

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Are you a weary, overwhelmed mom who needs encouragement? No matter what season of life you are in, being a mom can be wearing. It’s easy to lose your perspective amidst all the emotional and physical demands of motherhood.

My prayer is that God would regularly remind me and open my eyes to the bigger picture of motherhood…amidst all the hard parts. That I would focus more on how much it has added to my life, than on how hard it is. Here are some things that God has reminded me about what it really means to be a mom!

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom

1. You are never lonely. Enough said!

2. You gain a very important life role. You are given the privilege of helping to shape a generation. You are handed an opportunity to break unhealthy patterns that may have been present in your own childhood, and to help your children become capable, loving, individuals whom God will use .

3. You enter into an amazing, full-on sensory experience. There’s nothing like the feel and smell of a newborn, like the sound of an infant learning to laugh, or hearing your toddler sing at the top of his lungs. Nothing compares to the feeling when your little one fall asleep in your arms. As they get older, to be able to hear them express their own thoughts, and looking up to them when they have grown taller than you, or and when they wrap their adult arms around you and tell you they love you. There just NOTHING like it!

4. You have added motivation to take care of YOU. Having children gives you new motivation to take care of yourself physically, spiritually, and mentally. You do it because your children need you to and you want to be the best mom you can be. The result is that you feel better, and you have made the giant leap into to the reality that there is a purpose in life that is much bigger than you!

5. You experience a love you didn’t know existed. How do you describe how big the love is that a parent has for their children? How it saturates every single ounce of who you are. And then, if you have more than one child, the love is heaped right on top of that already overwhelming love that you didn’t know existed. It grows and it is what makes you a family!

6. As your children grow, you have even more to thank God for. When you see your child learning new things, it really does feel like they are the only children in the world who have reached those milestones. They learn to read, share, love, and serve. They grow into their giftings. And you stand back amazed at these little people and thank God for who they are!

7. You have built-in teachers. I have a degree in Bible, have taken a few seminary courses, and have homeschooled two children, but being a parent has taught me more than any course I have ever taken or taught. I have learned what Biblical discipline is and how it is best applied, have had the opportunity to pray for the fruit of the spirit in my life 24/7, and have had the opportunity to read the Bible out loud to little ears, over and over again. I have learned new things such as, the names of all the different kinds of rocks, the names of all the little weeds/flowers, how to play the game of soccer, and how cool it is to pick up random signs off the side of the road and fit them the bedroom decor (is that even legal?!).

8. You get to be a kid again. Think about it! You can relive (or even experience for the first time!) all the wonderful childhood experiences. You can watch your favorite cartoons, play games, play on the swings and monkey-bars, splash in puddles, and read aloud all your favorite childhood books! Oh…and don’t forget Disneyland!

9. You have more to laugh about. Kids are funny, especially when they are YOUR kids! No matter what age they are, there’s just something about the things that they do and say that can make you laugh like no one else can!

10. You learn to see life through another person’s eyes. Being a parent allows you to experience life on a richer, fuller level. As you see things through another person’s eyes, you gain fresh perspective. Children tend to live life to it’s fullest because everything is new to them. Our perspective on life changes from the moment we see that pea sized human being on an ultrasound, and continues to change as they grow into the amazing adults God turns them into.

Being a mom is an amazing privilege. A journey like no other. Won’t you join me in:

Make your own list of “Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom”.
Take time to pray through the list several times a week, thanking God for the amazingness of motherhood.
Once a day verbalize to your children at least one thing that you love about being their mom!

“I will sing to the LORD,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

Psalm 13:6

For more mom encouragement, go HERE!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love

Author Archives: Gina Smith

About Gina Smith

To Date or Not to Date? That is the Question…

Celebrate Your Children?

The Gift of a Terrible Two!

Tell Them So That They Will Know Full Well!

We Are Not a Perfect Family!

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom