Tag Archives: teens

Giving Our Kids the Gift of Boredom!

I can hear them now as my hubby and I wash up after dinner. They are running around, enjoying the respite from our intense desert sun while they soak up that important time outside. One boy runs inside to inform me that he’s discovered a new path. Really it is just a long stretch of space behind a line of bushes. But in his mind, it is ripe with mystery and opportunity. He grabs at my hand, begging me to explore this path with him. I arrive in time for a lizard funeral as boys relay their attempt to rescue this scaly creature from a bird. In the span of 2 minutes, we’ve discussed funeral practices, heaven, predator/prey relationships, and compassion. And I didn’t have to plan a thing.

Ahhh, the lazy days of summer – when kids run wild – exploring, building forts, climbing trees, forming clubs, reading books. Well, that’s the way it used to be anyways.

These days we are all about programs and bucket lists…

And if we aren’t keeping our kids busy and occupied with these than we give them our ipads, smartphones or some other kind of screen to keep them occupied.

But what if we did something drastic and returned to the good ol’ days, the lazy days of summer? What if we embraced the value of time – time to be bored – knowing that we are allowing their imagination, their curiosity, their ingenuity to develop?

They say that “necessity is the mother of invention,” but I’d venture to add that a bit of boredom accomplishes this too! It takes skill to know what to do with oneself. If we remove distractions and take the time to provide these opportunities, think of what a gift we can give them. And while we are at it, we can unplug and just be as well. We can be present – enter into their worlds, bring them into ours. We can read, talk, bake, and explore free from the confines of “busyness.” Our culture has idolized the concept of being busy and redefined what that looks like. It is program focused, instead of people focused. And all too often it leaves us frantic, disconnected, and unable to just be there for the little things in life. Life is busy, but let’s take a look at what we are busy doing and then help our children learn how to constructively occupy their own time without always doing it for them. Because these are the moments when most of life’s lessons are learned. It’s nearly impossible to plan for; we simply need to be available.

So how do we embrace this kind of “time?” I’m sharing a few ideas about how to embrace boredom in a way that cultivates creativity over at my blog, Cultivated Lives.

Heather.

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Culture Creep and the Sidelining of Parents

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Something sad and fascinating is happening to parents in this postmodern era. They’re being lied to. They’re being told that they aren’t necessary and what’s worse they’re buying the lie! After all, they say the “village” can do it better. Well, I’ve seen the village. I don’t want it raising my kids.

I call it “culture creep.” I live in a rural (well, it used to be rural) part of Washington State. Slowly but surely, urban sprawl has reached my town. I like the convenience that comes with it; for example, we just got Red Robin and Walmart last year… but I don’t like the traffic. I loathe the congested streets and long lines at the grocery store. I miss the “small town” feel that it used to have at Christmas and the 4th of July.

Culture is the same way. Except that from what I can tell, we’re not benefitting one bit. There are no perks. The culture has it’s own agenda. Look carefully. It’s creeping up into places where parents should not want it to go.

Slowly but surely, culture is shutting parents out of what should be the parent’s primary place: decision makers in the lives of their children. Parents have the right and responsibility to know what is happening with their children.

In August 2016, I learned that Anne Arundel County Public Schools in Maryland, in a effort to make their schools “safe spaces” for kids who identify as transgender, produced a training video, starring the district’s chief communications officer, Bob Mosier. The video surfaced a few days ago on The American Conservative, but was uploaded on YouTube in mid-July.

In it, Mr. Mosier makes a few key suggestions to teachers and chaperones who take students on overnight trips—chief among them is the advice that if a transgender student wants to sleep with students of the opposite sex, just let them.

Oh, and pssst! By the way: since the school values the transgender student’s privacy, make sure no one tells the parents.

This is what I’m talking about.

Since when did we stop valuing a parent’s right to know what in the world is happening with their children? How can parents make wise decisions for their children if information is being purposely withheld from them? How can we protect our kids if we don’t know what they’re being taught or exposed to?

Parents today are being told that kids can make their own decisions (starting in elementary school) on everything from birth control to which gender they want to be. What used to be regarded as a parents responsibility is often seen as an infringement on the child.

Here in my state, simple tasks like looking at my 13 yr olds’ medical records require effort, persistence and even permission from my 13 year old. If we want to stay in the race and finish it well, we must refuse to be sidelined. Moms who go the distance possess a willingness to endure rather than become a passive onlooker in the lives of their children.

I understand that there are abuse situations that require different measures, but shutting healthy parents out of the lives of their kids is not the solution. Keeping parents from knowing what is happening with their children at school should not be commonplace! It should be a crime.

When the world says “give up” or “it’s not your business,” I challenge you to stand up for the sake of your child. Go ahead and risk being annoying. Be the mom who knows the names of your child’s friends. Be the mom who asks the hard questions and loves unconditionally. Be the mom who refuses to be sidelined and instead guides her child in the way of Truth through every stage of growing up, including adolescence.

Our kids need their parents. They don’t need the government or the school system to teach them about the big things in life, they need their parents.

And parents? Today’s parents need the wisdom of Solomon. They need the wisdom that comes straight from God Himself.

What Blueprint Are You Sketching on the Hearts of Your Kids?

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Guest post by Steve Lambert
Former pastor and Publisher of Five in a Row

There comes a time in doing pastoral counseling when you run out of answers and you need to stall a moment and ask God for wisdom. Through the years, I had developed a question that would buy me a minute or two of silence to cry out to the Lord for insight in difficult situations. I would ask, “when you pray, how do you see God? Do you envision an ancient man on a throne, or a resurrected Jesus, or a gentle shepherd or perhaps the celestial heavens?” Most people would pause to consider while I prayed with urgency for direction and help.

But one day I got a startling answer from a troubled young woman. She began crying softly and as I waited she finally responded, “I see newsprint?” I wasn’t prepared for that answer. I probed gently, “do you mean, like a page of newspaper?” She nodded. I waited. Finally I ventured another question, “do you have any idea why you see newsprint when you pray?” The tears came in a flood now as she nodded.

At last, she composed herself enough to speak.

“I never saw my father’s face when I bared my soul to him. When I would talk to him all I ever saw was the back of the newspaper he was reading as he vaguely responded with an occasional ‘uh-huh’ or ‘oh’ while I poured out my heart to him. I know that when I pray, God isn’t paying any attention to me because he has more important things to do than listen to my problems.” I sat stunned.

As fathers, perhaps nothing we do is as important as realizing we shape our children’s understanding of the character and nature of God–for better or worse. How we listen, how we respond, what we say and what we do offers a blueprint. Could there possibly be a more sobering thought? Each inattentive moment where we’re watching the football game on the screen across the room, or checking or email on our phone, or wishing they would stop their incessant babbling defines God a bit more clearly for our child.

The things we buy them, or the vacations we plan for our children are important. But they pale in comparison to the image of what a father is like; an image which we define little by little, day by day. It is the most important job we will ever have. I ask that you pray over this truth. Talk about it with the Lord. Ask Him to help you become His ambassador and represent His nature and character accurately in the lives of the little ones around you. Even if you didn’t grow up with a good example in your own natural father, the Lord can help you become the kind of father who helps your children know the nature of their heavenly Father.

Steve Lambert

How to Shape Music Desires While Kids Are Young

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“I’ll be the angel by your side, I will get you through the night. I’ll be the strength you can’t provide on your own. ‘Cause when you’re down and out of time, and you think you’ve lost the fight, let me be the angel. The angel by your side.” These are the sweet lyrics that I heard my little angel, Anelysse, singing as she was listening to Francesca Battistelli. Each time I hear one of my three daughters singing lyrics to their favorite songs, I find such joy in knowing that the words they are communicating are good and honorable to God.

About 4 years ago when my girls were 9, 6, and 5, my oldest daughter was developing her love for music. She was just beginning to show interest in the popular music her friends were listening to. I figured that if she was going to be learning secular songs and singing them word for word, I better approve the content! So, I looked up lyrics to some of the songs. (I won’t give you names of songs or artists because I don’t want this to be a condemnation of secular music.) Well, let’s just say that some of the words were not ones I would like my daughters repeating over and over again. We live in a world where our daughters seem to be growing up way too fast, and I feel that the messages within certain secular songs (not all) definitely contribute to that.

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Realizing that my daughter needed a substitute for the music she was desiring to listen to, I began my search for popular Christian artists that would appeal to her. It wasn’t long before I discovered some fabulous songs that I just knew my girls would LOVE! Thrilled with my results, I immediately ordered CDs by: Britt Nicole, Dara Maclean, Moriah Peters, Jamie Grace, and Francesca Batistelli. I gave each of my daughters the CDs for Christmas and just as I hoped, they instantly fell in love with the music!! Lauren Dagle is another favorite.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence, and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

I really take this scripture to heart and desire it not only for my own life, but for my precious daughters’ lives as well. That’s why my quest for honorable music was so important. I knew that if they had a love for music like their parents do, it needed to have a message that focused their thoughts on something true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good, excellent, and WORTHY OF PRAISE!

I’m not saying that they are never allowed to listen to secular music. They occasionally hear my husband’s favorite classic rock tunes or my old Louis Armstrong records that I like to listen to, and my youngest daughter has discovered that she likes ELVIS! But when my girls are rocking out to their favorite music and singing the songs over and over again, my desire is for the words coming out of their mouths to be pleasing to the Lord. Psalm 19:14 says, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” There’s power in our words, even in the songs we choose to sing. Let our words be LOVELY and of GOOD REPUTE. HONORABLE to GOD!!

So, I encourage you, mamas. Take time to learn some of the lyrics to the music your kids are listening to. If you don’t approve, have a conversation with them about music and the power of words. When you hear songs that aren’t honoring to God, take the opportunity to talk about them and the worldview they communicate and whether that measures up to Biblical truth. The younger your kids are, the better. Turn them on to honorable music during their elementary years so that when they are teens, they choose music that is pleasing to God!

Easy Bible Journaling Ideas

How to Clean a Child’s Bedroom Without Losing Your Mind

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The never ending chore of keeping the bedrooms clean can cause a fair amount of tension if we choose to let it. I’m not a mother who requires that bedrooms get picked up every day, because imaginary play often goes on from one day to the next, and I hate to squelch it. That said, there are plenty of things that can be handled consistently to help keep a bedroom under control. But eventually, it all needs to get cleaned up so we can vacuum or sweep… at least once or twice a year! :blushing: This task can be overwhelming for a child, and we need to be understanding about that. Considering the number of decisions required to put away 9,743 objects in an hour, we should have some compassion. Here are a few tips to help it be a manageable – and hopefully successful – task!

Make it clean-able. Sometimes there’s just too much stuff to even be able to have it put away. Maybe it’s a small bedroom or there aren’t enough places to put things. Fix that! Declutter, pass on some toys, buy storage solutions, etc. A room full of things with no place to belong will be a constant frustration for you and your child.
Have one container for “all the little things that feel like they should get thrown away but your child sees value in them.” Yeah. Those things that you want to pitch while they’re not watching? Chances are good that they’ll notice. (Ask me how I know.) We use an under-bed container for these things: random flashlight, receipt, Chick Fil A toy, etc. Anything that isn’t a group deserving of its own storage goes in this miscellaneous container, and it’s so appropriate to tuck it under the bed! Most of this stuff lives on the floor, so it’s really easy to put it away here. 🙂
Pick up everything and put it in one pile. This is hands down, my best tip. Pick up everything – EveRYthInG – and put it into one pile. On the bed, center of the floor, or wherever you choose. (We choose center of the floor because we can sweep it there easily!) It automatically eliminates the visual clutter that can be overwhelming to children, especially younger ones.
After everything is in one pile, we pull stuff from that pile in categories. (Make a list of the order in which you suggest they do things if you are teaching them to do this independently.) Shoes are easy to start with because they usually all go in the same place, so it’s easy and quick success. Clothes next because they are a big part of the pile. Then the pile is usually manageable after those two categories. After that, just take one item at a time.
Don’t rant while they’re cleaning or you’re cleaning with them. (How would I know this is a temptation?) It will make only serve to make the experience miserable for you both and make them feel like a failure. Turn on some music to keep the mood light if you need some help. 🙂
Be willing to help while they clean. This may look like picking up and putting away while they work alongside you. Maybe it’s in the form of company and reading aloud while they work. Maybe it’s frequent checking in and encouraging. There are a lot of ways to help, and the younger the child is, the more involved you will likely need to be. But regardless of the age of the child, encouragement will go a long way!

You can do this, Busy Mom!

Do you have tips to share that simplify this task at your house?

Dare to be a Daniel: Talking to Your Kids About Standing for the Lord

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Jimmy Kimmel hit a new low in my book last week when he had children interviewed about their thoughts on gay marriage outside his LA studio. He wanted them to explain it. At first, my husband and I just sat there puzzling (a friend sent us the link) over why he thought it was appropriate to pull kids into the USA’s gay celebration—but then—we realized that this really is the new normal. Jimmy’s just going with the flow.

Over the past week, I’ve received several posts and emails from mothers asking how to talk to their kids about what is happening in the culture. After all, this is startlingly new territory for parents: explaining why a man is being celebrated as a woman on the cover of a magazine is not something we’re used to talking about. Here’s the thing: If we don’t set a place for the truth of Scripture at the table of our children’s hearts, the world will set out a feast all it’s own.

Talk we must.

So what do we tell our children? How do we talk to them as Christian parents? If you’re searching for your footing, here’s some ideas and direction:

Talk age-appropriately.
Clearly, you’ve got to talk about age-appropriate things. There’s no need to take your four year old out to dinner and explain things she’s not ready to hear. You’ve got to know your children. When you sense they’re ready, or if they start asking questions about things they shouldn’t be burdened with, it’s time.When the time is right, tell them the truth. Most of our kids are old enough, and so we have been having honest, and sometimes painful discussions with our children in the months leading up to the SCOTUS ruling. This generation of children are being forced to think about things that never even entered my mind as a child: from racists to the brutal beheadings of Coptic Christians in Syria to Bruce Jenner and the removal of the Ten Commandments from public grounds.
Take them to God’s Word
The Bible should be the authority in the life of every person who claims to be a follower of Jesus. Read about God’s standard, His mercy, and His holiness.
Tell them we’re all in a war.
In the Bible, we see everywhere that we are in a very real war. Talk to your kids about the spiritual war that is waging around them—the Bible says they are part of it, too.

Ephesians 6:12
“For we do not wrestle with flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places.”

Consider the word Paul uses here to describe what’s happening around you every day. He says we are “wrestling,” but not against flesh and blood. Wrestling is a very personal fight. Every day, we wake up on a spiritual battle field. The place where the devil wages war against individual believers is in the mind. Our goal is to first steal back any thoughts that the devil places in our minds and give those thoughts over, “taking them captive” to the mind of Christ. Even Paul’s use of the word “captive” reminds us that there are captives in this war.

Do your kids know about putting on the armor of God? Read what the Bible says here.

Pray with them.
There is power in the prayers of God’s people!Pray humbly, because we are all sinners.
Pray reverently, because God is holy, set apart and worthy of our praise
Pray with hope, because the Bible says that our hope is not in this world; it’s in the Lord!
Teach them how to talk to other’s about what God says is sin, and the remedy for it: Jesus!

Start here:
- We are all sinners, by birth and by choice. God says that our sinful, fallen hearts are bent towards sin, not away from it.The culture is telling gays that Christians are against them—but true followers of Christ point the finger first at themselves, because they know their heterosexual sin is no better than their gay friend’s sin.
- When my fallen heart tells me to lust after anyone who is not my husband, I am in sin.
- When our fallen hearts tell us to lust after someone of the same sex, we are in sin.God calls us to turn away from all our sin—by placing our faith in Jesus and then daily (daily, daily, daily) surrendering our fallen desires to Him so that we can walk in the ways He has told us are good and right.
Dare your kids (and yourself!) to be like DanielDo you remember the story of Daniel?In the ancient Middle East, one empire was being replaced by another. In 605 B.C., the Babylonians conquered Israel, taking many of its promising young men into captivity in Babylon. One of those men was Daniel.When the story takes place, Daniel was in his 80s. (See? You’re never too young or too old to stand for God!)Through a life of hard work and obedience to God, Daniel made his way up through the political ranks and eventually, became administrator of this pagan kingdom.It turned out that Daniel was so honest and hardworking, his co-workers, other government officials, became jealous of him. This was a problem, since they could find nothing he had done that warranted his removal from office.
Finally, they decied to use Daniel’s faith in God against him. They tricked King Darius into passing a decree that during a 30-day period, anyone who prayed to another god or man besides the king would be thrown into the lions’ den. Can you imagine?

Daniel learned of the decree but did not change his habit of praying to God. Just as he had done all his life, he went home, knelt down, faced Jerusalem, and prayed to God. The wicked administrators caught him and told the king. King Darius, who loved Daniel. He tried to save him, but the decree could not be revoked.

At sundown, they threw Daniel into the den of lions. The king was so worried and upset, he could not eat or sleep all night. At dawn he ran to the lions’ den and asked Daniel if his God had protected him. Daniel replied,

“My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong

Scripture says the king was overjoyed. Daniel was brought out, unharmed, “…because he had trusted in his God.” (Daniel 6:23, NIV)

God’s Word is true and He can be trusted! The culture may change, but God does not change. His standard is right—and as Christians, we are called to follow Him—no matter what. God takes good care of His people. We do not need to be afraid.

The Bible teaches that we are to be ready to give a defense for the Scripture “in season and out of season.”

We either believe God’s Word or we don’t—and we demonstrate that by the way we live our lives.

Will you be set apart? Dare to be a Daniel!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love

Tag Archives: teens

Giving Our Kids the Gift of Boredom!

Culture Creep and the Sidelining of Parents

What Blueprint Are You Sketching on the Hearts of Your Kids?

How to Shape Music Desires While Kids Are Young

Easy Bible Journaling Ideas

How to Clean a Child’s Bedroom Without Losing Your Mind

Dare to be a Daniel: Talking to Your Kids About Standing for the Lord