3 Steps to Taming Your Child’s Tongue, with Ginger Hubbard

MomStrong Parenting

“Did you really just say that?” I can’t even count how many times I have thought or said this in a moment of frustration and anger with one of my children. Yes, parenting is hard work — but Ginger Hubbard offers life-giving, practical solutions that even busy parents can implement today by pointing our children (and ourselves) back to the ultimate parenting manual: The Bible. Ginger is one of my favorite authors ever! You will be encouraged. ~ Heidi  xo

Mooooomy, I want some juuuiiice!” Whining
“You’re stupid!” Disrespecting
“Tommy’s not doing what you told him to do!” Tattling
“No, I’m not going to clean my room!” Disobeying
“I didn’t take a cookie from the jar!” Lying

What causes a child to speak such tender words as “I love you” and “You’re the best mommy in the world” in one breath and in the next say something terrible? Before I had children, whenever I thought about my future family, I envisioned happy, well-mannered little darlings who always obeyed. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening. What happened to all my plans for great parenting and well-behaved children? The stick turned blue. Twice.

In short order I became the mom who was consistently taken aback when her kids spoke foolishly, whether it was in the form of whining, lying, or talking back. With an expression of shock, I would ask, “Why do you act like that?” After a closer look at the Word of God, I realized I was asking the wrong question.

Jesus explained, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Matthew 12:34). In other words, there is merit to the old saying, “What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.” Our sin does not begin with our mouths; it begins with our hearts. I slowly learned to quit asking, “Why does my child sin?” and began to ask myself, “When my child sins, how might I point him to the fact that he is a sinner in need of a savior? How might I help him understand and live in the power of the Gospel?”

Through much prayer and searching the Bible, I found that having a three-step plan of action for getting to the heart of behavior, reproving children biblically, and training children in righteousness can make a positive difference in how we respond to a child’s need for correction.

Catch a Podcast with Ginger Here!

Step 1: Getting to the Heart of Behavior
A wise parent will learn to move beyond the words of her child by addressing the issues of the heart. After all, if the heart is reached, the behavior will take care of itself. Jesus set the ultimate example for how to probe the heart of another in order to draw out what lies within. When dealing with sinners, Jesus did not shake his finger at their faces and tell them what they were doing wrong. Instead, He would ask thought-provoking questions in such a way that the person to whom he was talking had to take his focus off of the circumstances around him and onto the sin in his own heart. Heart-probing questions cause children to evaluate themselves, which helps them recognize their need for Christ.

Step 2: Reproving Your Child Biblically
In Matthew 18:15 God commands that we reprove those who are caught in sin. A biblical reproof exposes wrong by shedding light where there is darkness. Fortunately, God has faithfully provided us with all that we need to speak wisdom and truth into the hearts of our children. We need not look any further than the infallible Word of God. Once we have determined the issue of the heart that drives the outward behavior, we can then address the offense in accordance with Scripture.

Step 3: Training Your Child in Righteousness
It is never enough to tell kids what not to do; we must teach them what to do. In the book of Ephesians we are told to put off the old self and to put on the new self (4:22). Teaching children to “put off” wrong behavior comes naturally for parents, mainly because we find wrong behavior unpleasant, but the key to successful parenting is found in training them in righteousness. It is equally important, if not more important, that we teach our kids to replace what is wrong with what is right.

GINGER HUBBARD is a sought-after speaker, author, and an award-winning writer. She has spoken at hundreds of parenting conferences, mom’s events, and homeschool conventions across the country. She is a veteran homeschooling mother of two adult children and stepmom to two much-adored stepsons. She and her husband reside in Opelika, Alabama.

I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child’s Tongue: Are you ever embarrassed or shocked by what comes out of your child’s mouth? Do you raise your voice, threaten, and coerce, but find yourself frustrated because nothing seems to work?

In I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!, Ginger Hubbard provides a practical, three-step plan to reach beyond the behaviors of tongue-related struggles—such as lying, tattling, and whining—to address your child’s heart. After all, as Matthew 12:34 tells us, “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

By moving past the idea that parenting is about rigid rule-setting or behavior management, we can set aside ineffective practices such as scolding, ignoring the offense, or merely administering punishment. Instead, we start to see that our children’s outbursts are prime opportunities for the ultimate goal of all parenting: to guide them to the redemptive work of Jesus and his transformational power.

GIVEAWAYS!
Would you like a practical three-step plan for reaching beyond the behaviors of tongue related struggles—such as lying, tattling, whining, and complaining—to address your child’s heart? Be sure to sign up for a chance to win a free copy of my new book, I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child’s Tongue.

THREE WINNERS will be contacted via email on July 31st, and everyone who signs up for a chance to win will automatically receive two FREE mini-ebooks on How to Pray for Your Child and How to Lead Your Child to Christ!

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You Have More Control Than You Think

Faith

I want to let you in on a secret about writing Christian books. There’s a 100 percent guarantee that Jesus will get up in your face about the very topic you’re addressing. I wrote my first book about approval, so of course I struggled with wanting approval. I wrote my second book on happiness and then walked through an Eeyore-ish season in my life.

Well, I’m no dummy. That’s why I told Jesus I wanted to write a book on the topic of beaches. This was the ultimate spiritual throwdown. I was pretty sure I had brilliantly set myself up for a challenge from God: “Go forth, therefore, and determine the quality of beach sand in Maui and compare it to the beach sand in Tahiti.” Clearly, I am willing to suffer for Jesus.

But then I forgot about my beach-book idea. Instead, I wrote book on releasing control—because I needed that book. I had to release control a lot that year:

– when our oldest daughter started driving
– when our youngest daughter suffered with chronic illness
– when my mother was hospitalized for three months with a life-threatening infection, and my amputee father lived with us.

All of that happened while I was writing It’s All Under Control. During those trying months, I repeatedly found myself with my head in my hands, praying this prayer: Jesus take the wheel.

Yep, I needed the message of the book. Turns out, you needed it too.

Does it ever feel like the chaos in your life might break you? Have you ever cried so hard over your circumstances that you thought you might run yourself out of tears?

So much of life can feel out of control, and if you’re like me you end up feeling powerless. Looking back, sometimes you can see where things got off track. Other times, the trouble comes out of the blue. You did all the right things, yet the worst news came your way.

There’s so much in life that we can’t control:

Circumstances.
Weather.
Airport delays.
The tumor growing in unseen places.
The economy.
The political climate.
What people think about us.
How our kids will “turn out.”

But can I tell you a secret? We have more control than we think.

We are not powerless. Great freedom comes when we let go of what we can’t control, and rise up to take charge of what we can.

That’s why I’ve put together this list for you, “Things You Can Control.”Click here to download the print. Then frame it, tape it to your refrigerator, set it by your computer, or slip it in your journal.

Because of God at work in you, you have more power than you dared imagine.

Free printable: what you *can* control!
Of course, there are so many things that we can’t control. God can handle those for you.

Click here to download and print this list, “What God Can Handle,”  as a reminder that no matter what we can’t handle, God still can.
Free printable: what God *can* handle!

 

To hear more from Jennifer on my podcast,  listen here!

Jennifer Dukes Lee is the author of the forthcoming book, It’s All Under Control. In the book, now available for preorder, Jennifer walks you through a journey of letting go, hanging on and finding a peace you almost forgot was possible.

THE BUSY TO BEST CHALLENGE: Are you tired of the tyranny of being “crazy busy?” Join Jennifer for her Busy to Best Challenge, happening in churches, homes and coffee shops across the country September 24-October 1. Click here for details.

Bring Your Best to the Table

Becoming MomStrong

This wasn’t just any table.
My mother had purchased it years ago at a yard sale and then decided it needed too much work and handed it down to me.
It was a family heirloom in need of a makeover.
It was two feet wide and eight feet long, with spindly legs and molding around the top that didn’t quite match. It was covered with nicks and dings, and the top had deep grooves from years of use.
But it was perfect for our home in Texas. It just needed someone with a vision—and some elbow grease. I sanded and refinished the entire surface so the original wood shone. I intended to refinish the legs as well, but there were too many grooves and nicks that I couldn’t sand, so I decided to paint them instead.
First, I painted the legs blue, and then I changed my mind and painted them black. Then I changed my mind again and painted the legs red. But it still wasn’t working.
Maybe I need to go simpler, I thought. Impatiently, I scrapped the whole red and blue and black thing and painted the legs white. Better, I thought. Much better. I reached for the sandpaper and started to distress the table’s legs.
At that moment, something incredible happened.
The more I sanded, the more amazing the finish became. Distressing the piece revealed layer upon layer of different colors under the white top coat. In some places, you could see hints of blue, and in other spots red and black peeked through the edges of the finish. Emboldened, I sanded harder and harder until the original wood finish mixed in with the layers of colors.
And somehow it all worked. When I was done, I could hear the faint strands of the “Hallelujah Chorus” winging their way from heaven.
The table was a showpiece.
Whenever people stopped by for a visit they commented on that table. Accolades poured in from far and wide.
My table and I would beam with pride and show off our legs and humble-brag about our painted coat of many colors. We’d silently tell ourselves how amazing we were and high-five each other after the guests left.
After traveling halfway across the country, the table arrived in Kentucky with us. My heart raced when the movers unpacked it and carried it down the ramp. It was like having one of my people right here with me in the Bluegrass State. It was time to get settled in our new home, my table and I.
When the last picture was in place, I looked around and decided it was time to have a party to introduce my new house to the neighborhood.
And my table? It was going to be the guest of honor at the festivities. I couldn’t wait to show it off.
When the day of the party arrived, my new friends streamed into the living room, and we laughed and talked like we were old friends. We munched on cupcakes and sipped sweet tea, and I gave them a tour of the house. At last, we arrived at the table.
I paused in front of my masterpiece and waited for the accolades. I waited for the oohs and ahhs and the wistful sighs. Instead, there was only silence.
My new friends looked at the table and then looked at me. They exchanged awkward smiles and then promptly turned back to their sweet tea.
Finally, one of my guests pulled me aside.
“Can I ask you a question?” she said in a stage whisper.
“Of course!” I smiled.
“I love your new home and all,” she said. “It’s decorated so pretty, and I love how you put everything together. I just had a quick question about the table.”
I turned to her with a grin. “I’d love to talk about the table.”
“I was thinking,” she said. “I love the size and shape of it, and I know it came from a yard sale and you probably haven’t had a chance to paint the legs yet. So, in the meantime, I have an extra tablecloth if you want to borrow it”
I stood speechless. A tablecloth?
I was stunned.
These people didn’t get me. They didn’t understand me or my table. I thought they would appreciate something new. Something different. Something unique and one of a kind.
I tried so hard, I thought. And then the tiniest of voices whispered to my heart.
Or did you? Did you try to fit in and learn more about your new friends, or did you simply set out to impress? Did you invite them into your home to make them feel welcome, or did you want to show them how you aren’t really from here, because truthfully, somewhere inside of you, you think you’re better?
Heart check.
In the silence of the room, even the table was raising its eyebrows at me.
I was wrong.
My new friends had shown me true friendship. They welcomed me and showered me with gifts and smiles and hugs, but I hadn’t really paid attention. I had overlooked all the welcome in my grand attempt to impress.
All along I had been thinking an almighty God had called us to this place and this town at this time in our lives for the lessons we were going to teach.
In reality, we were here for the lessons we were going to learn.

Have you ever felt like you were chasing tomorrow—never satisfied with today? I’ve been guilty of that in seasons of my life, and my guest has, too.  I know you’ll be encouraged by my friend, KariAnne Wood!
xo, Heidi

Adapted from So Close to Amazing, the debut memoir from beloved Thistlewood Farms blogger, KariAnne Wood. From Tyndale Momentum. Copyright © 2017. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.
KariAnne Wood writes the decorating and lifestyle blog Thistlewood Farms from her project-filled historic home in Dallas, Texas. She recently followed God’s call and jumped back “home” with her family from the middle of the country to the busy Dallas metroplex where she lives with her husband and four children.
If you wander down the tree-lined streets of KariAnne’s beloved hometown, McKinney, you might find her painting mismatched chairs, listening to Christmas carols no matter the season, singing Scripture, or walking hand in hand with her knight-in-shining-armor husband to a Friday night football game. She loves sweet tea with lime, thunderstorms, good books, milk glass, and yard sales, and she is an imperfect DIYer saved by grace.
Thistlewood Farms is full of stories of family and faith and features hundreds of the home decor projects KariAnne creates every week for readers. The blog was awarded the Country Living Decorating Blog of the Year, was named one of the Top 10 Decorating Blogs by Better Homes and Gardens, and was voted one of the best DIY blogs of 2015. KariAnne has been featured in Better Homes and Gardens Christmas Ideas, Country Living, Flea Market Décor, Country Woman, HGTV Magazine, the Cottage Journal, the Chicago Tribune, Reloved, and This Old House magazine, and on popular websites including the Today show, Better Homes and Gardens, Country Living, Apartment Therapy, Good Housekeeping, Mediakix, Bob Vila, and BuzzFeed. KariAnne has made appearances on television programs including Nashville Channel 5’s Talk of the Town and Channel 8 in Dallas.

Freed by the Truth, with Giveaway from Elisa Pulliam!

Becoming MomStrong
Would you say you have experienced the kind of spiritual and emotional freedom that comes from being faithful to God’s teachings and believing His Word? Or is there is something in your heart and mind that keeps you from believing the truth and the freedom it offers? I ask this question in response to the promise we find in John 8:31-32:

Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

It’s kind of hard to get our minds around this particular promise, don’t you think? How can freedom come through faith? What about the reality of life we live in? Is this freedom only in regards to what happens in the spiritual realm?

Freedom in Christ is a soul-deep, unshakable, unquenchable gift that manifests in every single breath drawn from believing the truth.

It’s not a freedom from responsibility or accountability. We don’t get a free pass from obstacles or challenges. Nor do we get to avoid trials or temptations. We absolutely endure the reality of life on this earth. What Jesus is talking about is the kind of freedom that comes through no longer being slaves to sin that leads to death.

In obedience to the Father, Jesus came to set us truly free—free to experience life in which sin doesn’t hold us captive. He has already defeated sin and death on our behalf. But will we accept what He has done? Will we remain faithful to the teachings found in Scripture? Will we believe that Jesus is indeed our Redeemer, making a way to be with God in heaven through eternity?

These words come from Elisa’s newest devotional book, Unblinded Faith: Gaining Spiritual Sight Through Believing God’s Word.

I wanted to bring my friend, author and speaker Lisa Pulliam is today to share with you  about the importance of seeing the world as God sees it: through the lens of His love and the truth of the Bible. I know you’ll be encouraged if you have been struggling with finding simple ways to engage with God’s Word!  She’ll be on the podcast tomorrow, so don’t miss that!

xo, Heidi

Would you like to have the kind of faith that strengthens your soul? What if you could endure trials with a steady calm and make daily decisions with confidence in God’s purposes?

In Unblinded Faith, Elisa Pulliam invites you to take a holy pause and experience a fresh encounter with God and His Word.

This 90-day devotional is filled with thoughtful application of Scripture to help you see God personally and know His love for you.

It is possible to take God at His Word. It is possible to embrace His promises, even when your circumstances challenge your faith. You can experience the fullness of God’s love, kindness, grace, mercy, and wisdom—no matter where you find yourself today. If you crave unshakable hope, it’s time to embrace unblinded faith!

Elisa Pulliam is a certified life coach, speaker, author, and creative strategist who is passionate about helping women to experience a fresh encounter with God and His Word for the sake of impacting the next generation with Kingdom hope. Her ministry, More to Be, is devoted to helping women unpack the Scriptures and discover how to join God in His work every day. Elisa and her husband, Stephen, savor life together with their four children.

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Making the SAHM Life Work When Money Is Tight

Becoming MomStrong

Do you really want to stay home with your kids? Do you feel like you could just never make it or make it and still live the way you want to? You guys have heard from my friend, Erin Odom before, and her advice is so practical I wanted to have her back again. Her heart is to help you learn how you can stay home with your kids, even if it seems like there is no way at all!

The year was 2008, and I desperately wanted to quit my job to stay home with my newborn daughter.

My own mother had left the workforce to be a full-time stay-at-home mom in the early 80s, when I was a toddler. I have no memories of her ever working outside the home.

I desired the same for my children.

But the birth of my firstborn coincided with the economic downturn of the 2000s. At the time, our family relied heavily on my income and the benefits my job provided.

When our daughter was just six weeks old, I had no other choice but to return to work full-time. I worked most of our daughter’s first year.

When my daughter was 13 months old, my husband and I decided to try to make it work for me to stay home with her full-time. We had made a cross country move, and he was now teaching full-time and no longer in seminary.

I won’t pretend that time was easy. In fact, my daughter’s first five years were the most economically difficult of our family’s life. During that time, we added two more daughters to our family, and there were many months were I simply looked at my bare pantry and near-empty refrigerator while we waited for my husband’s paycheck to arrive.

But it was during that time that I learned that, ultimately, God alone is the Great Provider of all of our needs.

My little girl turns 10 in June, and I’ve now been staying home with her and her three younger siblings for nine years.

In practical terms, how did we make me staying at home with our kids work? And how can you thrive as a stay-at-home mom too—even on a tight budget?

There are three key areas to consider:

Say goodbye to the Joneses.

For those of us who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s, “keeping up with the Joneses” was a values system so ingrained in our culture that it is the default for many.

Instead of living within our means and practicing the discipline of contentment with what we have and how God had provided for us, we’ve depleted our savings accounts, dug ourselves into debt, and burdened our emotional and mental capacities with the stress that comes with keeping up with the Joneses.

If you want to stay home with your kids, you will inevitably have to make sacrifices. Keeping up with the Joneses might be one of them.

But I will tell you that contentment with a little will lead to great gain (I Timothy 6:6), and you won’t regret staying home with your kids.

Curb spending.

If you struggle with overspending, you are not alone. I have good news: you can learn to better steward your money!

There are so many ways you can curb spending that don’t take much effort or energy. Drink water instead of sodas, use cloth napkins and dish towels instead of disposables, and eat out one fewer time per week.

If you want make staying at home with your kids work, the goal is to live at or below your means. The truth is, you can usually live on a lot less money than you think.

Create more income.

Over the past several years, I’ve become passionate about teaching women how they can create more income from home.

I’ve witnessed firsthand what a complete life changer this has been for our family as I’ve been able to create a full-time income by blogging in the cracks of life while my children have been napping or sleeping at night.

No matters your gifts and skills set, I see so much potential for today’s stay-at-home mo to bring in more money for her family.

You might need to expand your definition from stay-at-home mom to work-at-home mom, but either way there is hope to achieve the dream of staying home with your kids.

Erin Odom is the author of More Than Just Making It: Hope for the Heart of the Financially Frustrated and the new book You Can Stay Home With Your Kids: 100 Tips, Tricks, and Ways to Make It Work on a Budget. She is wife to Will and mom to three spirited little redheaded girls and a sweet and spoiled redheaded boy. She blogs at thehumbledhomemaker.com.

Creating a Legacy Within the Laboratory of Our Own Homes, with Jen Schmidt

Becoming MomStrong

Do you enjoy being hospitable or is it more effort than it’s worth?  Do you struggle with insecurity over an undecorated house or lack of confidence in your cooking skills? You are not alone, sister! But it’s important to move past those roadblocks #sothat you can experience and share the blessing of being hospitable.  My good friend Jen Schmidt is here today to share with you her strong message of the blessing of hospitality. Don’t miss the giveaway at the end!

Excerpted with permission from Just Open the Door by Jen Schmidt. Copyright 2018, B&H Publishing Group.

For so many moms, our desire is to create a home that is a soft place to land for our children, yet it’s also their learning lab. Just as we bear responsibility to create a welcoming environment for them, we also need to show them how to grow a welcoming heart toward others. This gives us a whole new reason for allowing life-on-life ministry to flow in and out of our homes: it cultivates within our kids a generational legacy of hospitality and service. They learn it by watching; they learn it by doing.

Our sons and daughters, our boys and girls, our teens and college students—the children (or grandchildren) right under our roof—represent the thought leaders of the future in work, ministry, worldview, ethics, and culture. We are training and discipling a new generation of world changers. Yes, it’s an overwhelming and nearly paralyzing concept at times, one that can seem far beyond our reach to accomplish. But it’s a calling we should receive as the highest privilege given. And I can’t think of a better way of doing it—of tangibly exhibiting missional living—than by simply creating a life-giving home that says welcome. As we reshape our preconceived notions about hospitality and align them with God’s Word, we create a powerfully interactive life lab for our children. And an exciting new legacy for our family.

Think of it. Through this “welcome home” lens, our children begin to view every person God brings through our doors as divine interventions amid their everyday life. By watching us serve, they learn how to partner with us by living out the Great Commandment and sharing the gospel. As we demonstrate how much we value those different from us, as we affirm others’ unique personalities and listen to their stories, our kids learn to do the same. Through hands-on interaction with us, they see what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus by becoming the church of God in our own home. As we walk alongside them, they’re able to imitate us in living a life on purpose.

It’s all part of Deuteronomy 6 parenting: “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (vv. 6–7).
It’s not easy, no. But as the Lord is quick to remind me, I’m not so easy either.
In fact, let me say—in terms of viewing my home as a learning lab—the lessons start with me. Home may be the heart of my most important ministry, but regrettably it’s also the place where my sin bubbles over more often than anywhere else. I fumble through many days begging the Lord that His power would be made perfect in my weakness. Home is where I am the most exposed, the most exhausted, where my family sees the good, the bad, and everything in between.

But because of this, it’s also where the transformative power of Christ can best be seen in me. It’s the place where He’s most likely to begin chiseling away at my sinful heart, drawing me closer to Him and showering me with His sufficient grace. And just as serving others in Jesus’ name proves to be the antidote for my own self-centeredness, it works in my children’s hearts as well. Just as living a life of welcome roots me, shifts my focus toward others, and stops my wandering heart, it does the same for them.

Living a life of welcome lets us cast a long-term, multigenerational vision for our children. By being part of a welcoming home, they learn tangible life skills that allow hospitality to become a natural outflow of their lives, regardless of their gifting or personalities. They’re being equipped day by day to enter the future knowing how to build community in an age of isolation, how to make memories in a generation mobilized by technology, how to create an environment of discipleship among people yearning for godly mentors.
That’s creating legacy. Right here. In the laboratories of our own homes.

{ Listen to the Companion Podcast Here }

For the last decade, Jen Schmidt has been encouraging, challenging, and cheering on women to embrace both the beauty and bedlam of their everyday lives on her popular lifestyle blog, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam. With a variety of topics—from easy dinner ideas and personal finance to leaving a legacy—Jen equips others to live life to its fullest, reminding them it’s the little things that really are the big things in life. A popular speaker, worship leader and founder/host of the annual Becoming Conference, Jen shares with humor and authenticity as she invites others to join her on this bumpy, beautiful life journey. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, five children, a few too many animals, and an available sofa for anyone who needs it.

Just Open the Door , by Jen Schmidt

For many of us, inviting people into our lives and homes feels more like inviting judgment on our entertaining skills and stress on our already maxed-out schedules. But what if you knew that opening your front door had the power to radically change the world? To make an impact and leave a legacy with everyday invitations?

Jen Schmidt has set out to reframe how we think about hospitality and to equip us to walk a road of welcome in our daily lives. Jen knows that every time we choose open-door living—whether in our homes or by taking hospitality on the road just like Jesus—those we invite in get to experience the lived-out Gospel, our kids grow up in a life-lab of generosity, and we trade insecurity for connection.

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Are You Struggling with Anxiety and Depression? Don’t Struggle Alone

Becoming MomStrong, Heidi's Favorite Things

I speak to thousands of women when I’m on the road during my travel season, and so many women stop by to have me sign their book and fall apart while they share that they are currently struggling with anxiety and depression.  Are you there too? In Becoming MomStrong, I talk about how we learn to take care of ourselves, #sothat we can take care of our families well.  This story is an example of just that.

One of our Busy Mom writers, Candace Crabtree of Mercy is New is here to share the “Five things the Helped Most with Anxiety and Depression” with us today.   It’s important to share that we are not doctors, and none of these tips are a substitute for medical treatment, should you feel the need for it.  But the Lord has given us tools as well, and I think you’ll be encouraged to hear Candace’s story.  I love how her tips all work together and include time in the Word – there isn’t one miracle fix! ~ Heidi

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Twelve years ago I had three babies three years and under and I was a wreck. I was a total wreck both physically and emotionally. And I was pretty hopeless that life would ever be any different for me.

This season of my life became what would be one of the darkest, most difficult seasons I faced. But today, 12 years later, I can proclaim with great joy the faithfulness of our God and His goodness to me. Is life perfect now? No. Will we always continue facing stressful situations while here in this broken world? Yes. But now I have tools that I have learned first hand can help keep my anxiety and depression at bay so that I can live the abundant life that Christ came to give us.

After months of struggling at my lowest point of depression, my husband and I decided that we needed to do something. We visited my family doctor who recommended counseling and a psychiatrist. We consulted with all of them and have done long term counseling at various times over the last few years. All of them recommended anti-depressants. I was in a desperate place and went on medication and would stay on several of them for nearly 8 years.

Fast forward to the end of 2014. I was 35 or so pounds heavier, I was pre-diabetic and on medication for that, I was taking prescription sleep meds or Tylenol PM every single night, yet I was tired all the time, I was not ever my chipper self like I had been years ago. So, I decided to at least try and wean off of my meds with the help of my doctor. Weaning off of the medication was a horrible experience, but I persevered and by the grace of God successfully got off my anti-depressants. I was thankful for them for that season, but it was time to try something different.

At the same time I began seeking out natural help for my emotional issues. And in 2017, God began a transformation of my life that I cry about nearly every time someone asks me. And this is probably the most asked question I receive, “what are you doing to help your anxiety and depression?”

I’m glad you asked. God has been so gracious to help me this last 15 months. And it has become my great joy and passion to help other women on this same journey to find hope again. I want to share with you the things that are having the biggest impact on my life.

The 5 Things That Have Helped Me the Most with Anxiety & Depression
  1. Cultivating gratitude & a mindset change. Grateful people are happy people. I lived most of my life thinking I wasn’t capable of change. Can anyone relate? “This is just the way I am” or “I’ve always been this way” or “I’m just a negative person.” I truly believed those lies of the enemy. It wasn’t until I began acknowledging lies as lies that my mind could begin new thought patterns. How do I know those are lies? Because God’s Word is full of the word “new.” God’s Word is full of passages telling us that we are NEW in Christ. God’s Word has story after story of amazing transformation. I highly encourage you to start a gratitude journal TODAY. Write down small blessings, big blessings…even things that don’t appear at first to be blessings. Watch your life begin to look different when you look through the lens of gratitude. I also suggest memorizing Philippians 4:8 and remembering that where we focus our thoughts determines our peace. We are to think about whatever is true, noble, lovely and right. How do I know what is true? By spending time in the Word of God! Reading it, praying it, memorizing it, meditating upon it, writing it. Whatever you have to do to get the Word IN.
  2. Diet changes. Food is medicine. I might have laughed if you told me that a few years ago. For one, I didn’t think I was capable of making lifelong changes in how I ate. Two, I just plain would not have believed you. But, I am a living, walking, breathing proof that anyone can change their eating habits. You know how I did it?? I did it JUST long enough to realize how GOOD I was going to feel. And once I realized how good it felt to feel good and actually have energy, THAT is what motivated to keep going! Do I eat perfectly every day? No. But, I know my limits. I know a big plate of pancakes is going to make me feel yucky the next day so I skip it. All of our bodies are so different, you truly have to become your own advocate and start some trial and error with your own body! For me personally, eliminating most grains and processed sugars has been HUGE. Not eating as much processed food is another biggie. When I learned that I could actually feel better and have energy to live out this life God has blessed me with, that was motivation enough to keep it up.
  3. Exercise. The other bad word among us feeling-hopeless-to-change people. I have never ever been able to stick with any type of exercise. Until 2017. I started the year with accountability as well as meeting friends to exercise WITH our kids. So I didn’t feel guilty about taking time away, my kids could play in the gym while I walked and jogged laps. I had good friends to talk with while we walked. I also added in strength training. Did you know there are studies showing strength training to be even more powerful than anti-depressants? Wow. It has proven pretty true for me. Adding in just some simple hand weights, wall-sits, planks and a jogging/walking intervals has been life changing for me. Don’t make it hard! Just get on Pinterest and search for “strength training with hand weights,” go to the store and get you a few small hand weights. Slowly, over time, you can add more weight. God made our bodies to move and they function so much better when we do so. You have to find something that works for YOU. For me, meeting friends helped me. For you, it might mean joining a gym.
  4. Essential Oils. Did you know that your sense of smell is the ONLY sense that goes straight to the part of your brain called the amygdala? Guess what happens there? It’s like the storage bank for your emotions and memory. Do you have any memories triggered by smell? Most of us do. That is how and why essential oils work! Your sense of smell combined with the God-given properties of the oils distilled from God-made plants equals an amazing tool for our emotional wellness! For me personally, frankincense and orange oil have been hugely helpful in managing day-to-day anxiety. I have orange in my diffuser nearly daily, sometimes combined with other oils. All citrus oils are so good for mood lifting! And frankincense, well, they brought it to the Baby Jesus and my hunch is they actually brought it for Mary. You know, postpartum and all. I believe that if I had had frankincense 12 years ago my journey would have looked very different. I put a drop of frankincense in my face lotion very morning and then I put a drop on my thumb and press it to the roof of my mouth daily. You can also do this as needed in times of stress. { Side note: surrounding yourself with encouragement in all of these are huge. These essential oils were a bridge to better health for me because of the team that Heidi and I are on, led by a medical doctor, who encouraged clean eating and exercise along with essential oils. It had a huge impact on my entire year of transformation! There’s more on this at the end! }
  5. Ningxia Red. Go and google the benefits of the wolf berry. Go ahead. I will wait right here. You probably found lists a mile long detailing the high level of zinc, magnesium, fiber, protein..and amazing benefits like immunity booster, support for every single system in your body: respiratory, cardiovascular, central nervous system, digestive system, endocrine system…all of them! I replaced my Starbucks and fast food habit (and all that money I was spending) and am now using this fruit juice supplement from Young Living to boost my wellness and help me manage stress!

I don’t believe there is any one easy answer to dealing with anxiety and depression. I think sometimes the combination of things that helps can also be different for everyone. I can only share my experience. But in sharing my story I want you to know that you are not alone. So many of us struggle! The percentage of American women on anti-depressants is staggering. And for me, it wasn’t helping me to live my best life to stay on the medications. I was still leading an often miserable life without much energy whatsoever.

So, dig in, friends. We can do this. We were made to do hard things. God is a God of REDEMPTION, RESTORATION, RENEWAL and TRANSFORMATION. He didn’t create you to leave you as you are…but to grow you more and more into His image to live out the abundant life that He gives us through Christ. We can better serve our families if we feel good. There is no selfishness in taking care of the temple of God. He resides in us!! He is alive in us! We have the power of the Holy Spirit helping and guiding us! Let us care for this gift we’ve been given so that we can better serve and love our people.

~ Candace

I am on a team with women like Candace, led by a physician, and we’re all learning how to effectively use essential oils to care for our families together. We’re in a closed group, exclusive to people who join our oily family on our team.  We have three ways for you to learn more:
1. This week THROUGH MONDAY EVENING (March 12) we have a Facebook group up where we’re teaching you about essential oils.  Join HERE right away if you want an intro!
2. I’m bringing Dr. Edie Wadsworth to teach you all about 7 Myths about Essential Oils this Wednesday in a FREE webinar just for The Busy Mom audience! Register here! Register even if you are unsure about the time.  If technology cooperates, there will be a replay available for a limited time!
3. Check out my page about my favorite essential oils here.

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