Kara Moss recently joined me on the podcast, and I’m excited to have her sharing more of her heart today on the blog today! I want to encourage you, Mom—share your challenges with Him, day and night, and let Him be your shelter.

xo, Heidi

Momlife. It’s the good life, the hard life, the fun life, the challenging life…It’s full of glorious moments, and it sees its fair share of crash-and-burn days too.

If you’re anything like me, you open your eyes each morning with an idea in your head of what the day should look like. For many years, I had this idea that if we could just make it to the end of the day with no major issues, attitudes, meltdowns, or frustrations then I could call it a successful day in our home. A good day meant everyone made right choices…no conflicts, no problems, no arguments. As you can imagine, we didn’t have very many successful days when that was how I defined it.

I was unintentionally putting a pressure on myself to do things perfectly. I was expecting a level of perfection out of my children to the point of growing impatient and frustrated with their sin…when the truth is, I am well aware of my own sin and my need for grace on a daily basis.

The journey of motherhood is teaching me that success isn’t defined by not messing up; it’s defined by getting back up. Every failure is an opportunity to grow…for both me and my children. If we learn to fail forward, our failures become launchpads for growth rather than set backs.

The real victory is overcoming challenges together not simply avoiding them. Those attitudes and meltdowns…those are actually gifts.

I know, I know…call me crazy. But that moment when your toddler has a meltdown in the middle of Target, and you have to walk out mid-shopping, leaving a cart full of stuff un-purchased…it’s a gift. Or the moment when your teenager is spewing words that you know deep down they can’t possibly mean…that is gift. These are the moments we get to see into the hearts of our children. We see where they are struggling, and we get to walk with them through it. We get to find Jesus together in the middle of it.  

When we pause, take a breath, and anchor ourselves in Christ right then and there, we can change our perspective. We begin to see the challenges that will inevitably come up, not as an inconvenience, but instead, as a moment we can make an impact.

So what does a successful day look like? It looks like making the most of every opportunity we have to speak love, life, and truth into our children’s hearts. It requires us to let go of the pressure of perfection and be fully present where we are. It calls for us to stop taking our children’s sin personally and help them find Jesus in the middle of it. Success is when we capture the struggles and challenges of the day and watch them become the moments where hearts are changed and souls are shaped.

You can always go back later and get that cart of stuff you left at Target…

Kara Moss is a wife and mom daily reminded of her need for Jesus. She is passionate about equipping and encouraging women to walk in the abundant life Christ promises. Her message is open and honest as she brings a relevant word rooted in Biblical truth.

More on Kara: Website | Facebook | Instagram | Abundant Motherhood

My friend Jamie Erickson joined me on the podcast last week. Today, she’s sharing her heart on a topic may of us moms can relate to. I want to encourage you mom, hard times come – but they’re not here to torture us; they’re here to teach us. We either learn from them or we don’t.  I hope you’re encouraged by her words. xo, Heidi

I saw a meme on social media the other day that made me snarl. Perhaps you’ve seen it too. It said something to the effect of “Wine is the epidural of Motherhood.” It’s not the only pithy bit of mommy humor to surface on my screen lately. There have been others—plenty of others circulating the interwebs reminding us all how tough it is to be a mom and how motherhood has earned us the right to drink heavily, hide in the bathroom, eat all the chocolate, and buy all the things. The messages are all different, of course. But they all have one singular aim, to get us all to weep and wail about our sad plot in life—to laugh and then cry over the fact that we are mothers.

Ten years ago when social media was the new hot thing, a lot of moms, myself included, fell into the comparison trap. We felt that we had to do more and be more—that we were never enough. The curated highlight reels of everyone else’s lives had us all striving for perfection. But then one day, when we realized that this pervasive perfection was not actually possible, we let the pendulum swing in the opposite direction, landing us in a very failure-centric place. Moanful mothering became a cultural epidemic that continues to rob society of the joy God intended motherhood to be.

We want to blame our kids for the life that we’re not living—for the time they take away from our plans, the sleep they deny us, the noise and mess they bring to our days, and on and on. We’d obviously never say any of this out loud, especially not in front of them. No, we’re too well-mannered for that. But we’d gladly plaster these harsh, albeit funny, criticisms all over social media.

But before you re-share any of that sarcastic drivel on Facebook or Instagram, Mama, think about this for a moment. Would you want to go online and see the exact same meme posted about you? Would you want your friend, co-worker, or mom to tell the world that they have to drink a whole bottle of booze at the end of the day just to survive your relationship? That they can’t wait for the school year to start again so that you’ll finally be someone else’s problem? If the answer to either of these is NO, remember the words of Matthew 7:12 and be drawn toward kindness. Treat others how you want to be treated, even your children. Admittedly, your kids might not have any social media accounts today, but they probably will someday. Start developing the habit of praising in public now so that one day when your children become your online “friends,” it will be second-nature for you to affirm them there with your life-giving words.

Motherhood is hard. That’s true. Somedays, parenting might even leave you limp, but children are not problems or sand in the gears, they are gifts—even yours. Especially yours. Yes, you’ll have bad days because your kids are imperfect. But, then again, so are you. So am I. Will they do anything today, next week, next month that will grate on your nerves or send you into another room to count to ten in order to regain your composure? Probably. But here’s the thing: the daily struggles of motherhood are holy ground. The hard things are often what God will use to make us all more like Him. Sanctification almost always happens when we have to lean hard on God. It’s so easy for our moanful-motherhood culture to say that home is where our children become more patient, more kind, more fill-in-the-blank. But it’s also where we, mamas, become MORE too.

If we all start changing the narrative and start casting a vision for success in our kids and speak words of life and love over them both on and off the screen, maybe we can help change the trajectory of the whole world. Maybe we can launch adults out into it who have learned to love by our example.

Jamie Erickson is the daughter of the King, wife to “Mr. Right,” and the mother to five blissfully abnormal kids. When she’s not curating memories, hoarding vintage books, or playing ringmaster to a circus of her own making, she can be found encouraging and equipping a growing tribe of mothers all across the globe on the Mom to Mom podcast, through her blog The Unlikely Homeschool, at national conferences, and in her book Homeschool Bravely: How to Squash Doubt, Trust God, and Teach Your Child With Confidence.In addition to writing and speaking, Jamie loves talking faith and family over a cup of Starbuck’s finest, collecting calories around a table full of friends, and taking grueling hikes with her formerly homeschooled husband, Dain (because alas, calories don’t display very nicely on a shelf like other collections).

Connect with Jamie Erickson: Website | Facebook | Homeschool Bravely | Instagram | Mom to Mom Podcast | Mom to Mom on Instagram

Have you ever noticed how many of the psalms were written during times of difficulty?

Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident
Psalm 27:3

This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I trust him.
Psalm 91:2

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
Psalm 27:1

If we read between the lines of these psalms, we get the distinct impression that the psalmist is facing some pretty serious challenges: being surrounded by an army, needing a place of refuge, facing danger and fear and anxiety. Maybe we’re not facing a literal army, but my guess is that most of us have felt like we’re in a battle at some point or at the very least in need of a place of rest and protection.

Likewise, most of the New Testament epistles were written from prisons. Some of the most powerful sections of Scripture were written by authors who found themselves in circumstances beyond their control—circumstances they never would have chosen themselves. Paul wrote the book of Philippians when he was in custody of the Roman government, yet he still clung to the promise of God’s faithfulness: “This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). 

In the same way that fear can test our trust, trials can also test our trust. Let me say that again, because I need to hear it too: trials test our trust.

In her song “Hard Times Come,” Amy Grant writes,

Hard times come
And they’ll come till we’re done.

You know what? She’s right. Hard times come—but they’re not here to torture us; they’re here to teach us. We either learn from them or we don’t.

One of the mistakes we often make as mothers is thinking that our children should never see us get upset or wrestle through something. This is simply not true (not to mention impossible). Struggle is part of life. The question isn’t whether our children should see our struggles and burdens. The question is, Do our trials point our children to Jesus Christ even as we stumble and struggle along the way?

If we tell our children that we trust God but we’re living in a constant state of panic and distrust, what are we saying with our lives? Through our actions, we put our trust in God on display for our children. It’s a big deal how we respond during trials. Our responses to the pressures of this world are shaping an entire generation. The way we handle failure, financial difficulty, loss, and pain speaks volumes about what we really believe.

In Psalm 20:7 (niv), David says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Allow me to put that into contemporary mom-speak for you: “Some trust in financial stability, some trust in homeschooling, some trust in medicine, some trust in [fill in your own blank], but I choose to trust in the name of the Lord!”

There are so many things that seem easier to trust than the Lord—after all, He is invisible. We like to see what we’re putting our trust in. That’s part of faith, isn’t it? That we’re trusting our future to a God we can’t see? But the truth is, anything other than Jesus will eventually let us down. In Psalm 28:7-8, David says: “The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.  The Lord gives his people strength. He is a safe fortress for his anointed king.”

Is the Lord your strength and shield? Take a moment to check your heart. It’s easy to operate in the world and forget that God is our true source of protection and power.

Does your life demonstrate a trust in God’s provision? In His goodness? In His Word? In His timing? It’s critical that it does. Why? Because we can’t give our kids what we don’t have. If we don’t put our trust in the Lord, how can we expect them to?

Are you struggling? Look up! Don’t be overcome by fear or anxiety. Remember that God can use these hard times to teach us and to put our trust to the test.

One of the reasons I love the psalms so much is because David is so transparent in his human attempt to walk with his Creator. The source of his confidence and stability wasn’t in his own strength but in God. And yet he struggled. This man who referred to himself as the apple of God’s eye (see Psalm 17:8, NIV) struggled with fear. One minute he was praising God, and the next he was crying out for rescue—just like the rest of us!

When you find yourself struggling as David did, ask yourself, “Has He ever failed me?” The answer is a clear and resounding no. Even if it seems like He is absent. Even when we make mistakes and choose to walk in disobedience, God says He uses all things for good. He is in control—even when we feel out of control—which means we can quiet our hearts and rest knowing that God will never let us go.

When we realize that God sees our frailty and understands our worry, it’s easier to see His heart for us. God loves us, even in our times of doubt and unbelief. As the song goes, “The times they are a-changin’.” But God doesn’t change. He remains the same: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). Even when my plans fail—His never will.

Not long ago I was speaking about motherhood at a conference in Virginia. After three days of back-to-back sessions, I could feel myself getting tired. Jay and I had taken our kids with us for the speaking season, and this was the next-to-last stop on our four-month trip. Let me tell you, the grace was running out. Everyone was just getting on everyone else’s nerves.

Fifteen minutes before I took the stage, I was with our kids in the green room, making sure everyone had their lunch. The green room was about a ten-minute walk from where I needed to speak, and the walk included an escalator. I hate those things—they attract kids like mosquitoes to an incandescent light. I have more than twenty-six years of parenting under my belt, and I have yet to find a cure for the siren song of the escalator.

As we were making our way to the green room, I gave this word of caution: “If you play on the escalator, there will be huge consequences later!” Not a particularly eloquent (or specific) threat, but it was the best I could muster up after four months away from home. And because my word is law, they all naturally decided they needed to jump off the final step “one more time.”

Our fifth child was the last one to jump from the moving stairs of death. I watched as she catapulted her five-foot frame several feet into the air from the second step. Midway into her disobedient jump, she screamed. I suppose a good mom would have been concerned about an injury. Not me—I was just mad. I know, you wish I were raising your children.

“Mom! My hand hurts!” Summer wailed.

By this point, however, I was immune to wailing. As it happens, my mom was a pediatric nurse, so I took a lesson from her playbook, glanced at her hand, and very matter-of-factly said, “Looks fine to me. Now stop crying and finish your sandwich.” And then, just in case I didn’t appear callous enough, I threw in a final “That’s what you get for playing on the escalator.”

I was so irritated! Here I was, trying to get ready to speak in front of a standing-room-only crowd—on parenting, mind you—and I couldn’t get my own children to obey one simple request. I was so distracted by my circumstances that I forgot to gird up for battle. I forgot to pray. I let my flesh overpower my spirit, and do you know what I heard whispering in my ear the entire time I was speaking?

You’re failing. You can’t even get your own children to obey.
If these moms knew what you were really like, they would get up and leave.
You’re a bad mother. You don’t have anything to say that’s worth hearing.

I fought for every. single. word. that came out of my mouth that afternoon. No one seemed to know it, but I was in a full-blown war up there onstage. The voice of condemnation that spoke to my soul was almost audible, and it threatened to undo me.

Have you ever heard that voice? You don’t need to be a public speaker to hear it. The devil knows his audience, and he knows our weak spots. His goal? To cloud our vision long enough so that we lose sight of the true fight.

As long as we live on this earth, the voices clamoring to fill our souls with condemnation will persist. Weary, worn-out mothers are perfect targets for the enemy, and I was ripe for the picking that afternoon. You see, Satan is a master at making us believe that someone else could do our job better than we can. He knew exactly how to get to me that day, and he used my bad day to make me feel like a bad mom.

At that moment, I had a choice to make: I could accept the lies of the enemy and see myself through the eyes the accuser of my soul, or I could see myself through the eyes of my Jesus.

When the session ended, I made my way to the back of the stage and found a quiet place to pray. Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem as active as doing something, but in reality, there is nothing more powerful than bringing our whole selves to the Lord in prayer. God says that when we pray, He literally bends down to listen. That’s my Jesus. That’s my Savior.

Even today, tears fill my eyes as I remember His gentle words to me that day: You are loved. Loved when I lose my temper. Loved when I don’t meet someone else’s expectations for me, and loved when I do.

Precious mom, don’t let the enemy lie to you! If you believe the lies, you’ll be right where he wants you. Bad days do not make bad moms. God wants us to know His joy when we have good days—and He wants us to experience His grace when we don’t.

When we are assaulted by lies, we need to remember what and who we’re fighting for. Some days our biggest fight will be to see ourselves as God sees us. Because if God is for us (which He always is), no one—not even Satan himself—can stand against us (see Romans 8:31).

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.