Not long ago I was speaking about motherhood at a conference in Virginia. After three days of back-to-back sessions, I could feel myself getting tired. Jay and I had taken our kids with us for the speaking season, and this was the next-to-last stop on our four-month trip. Let me tell you, the grace was running out. Everyone was just getting on everyone else’s nerves.

Fifteen minutes before I took the stage, I was with our kids in the green room, making sure everyone had their lunch. The green room was about a ten-minute walk from where I needed to speak, and the walk included an escalator. I hate those things—they attract kids like mosquitoes to an incandescent light. I have more than twenty-six years of parenting under my belt, and I have yet to find a cure for the siren song of the escalator.

As we were making our way to the green room, I gave this word of caution: “If you play on the escalator, there will be huge consequences later!” Not a particularly eloquent (or specific) threat, but it was the best I could muster up after four months away from home. And because my word is law, they all naturally decided they needed to jump off the final step “one more time.”

Our fifth child was the last one to jump from the moving stairs of death. I watched as she catapulted her five-foot frame several feet into the air from the second step. Midway into her disobedient jump, she screamed. I suppose a good mom would have been concerned about an injury. Not me—I was just mad. I know, you wish I were raising your children.

“Mom! My hand hurts!” Summer wailed.

By this point, however, I was immune to wailing. As it happens, my mom was a pediatric nurse, so I took a lesson from her playbook, glanced at her hand, and very matter-of-factly said, “Looks fine to me. Now stop crying and finish your sandwich.” And then, just in case I didn’t appear callous enough, I threw in a final “That’s what you get for playing on the escalator.”

I was so irritated! Here I was, trying to get ready to speak in front of a standing-room-only crowd—on parenting, mind you—and I couldn’t get my own children to obey one simple request. I was so distracted by my circumstances that I forgot to gird up for battle. I forgot to pray. I let my flesh overpower my spirit, and do you know what I heard whispering in my ear the entire time I was speaking?

You’re failing. You can’t even get your own children to obey.
If these moms knew what you were really like, they would get up and leave.
You’re a bad mother. You don’t have anything to say that’s worth hearing.

I fought for every. single. word. that came out of my mouth that afternoon. No one seemed to know it, but I was in a full-blown war up there onstage. The voice of condemnation that spoke to my soul was almost audible, and it threatened to undo me.

Have you ever heard that voice? You don’t need to be a public speaker to hear it. The devil knows his audience, and he knows our weak spots. His goal? To cloud our vision long enough so that we lose sight of the true fight.

As long as we live on this earth, the voices clamoring to fill our souls with condemnation will persist. Weary, worn-out mothers are perfect targets for the enemy, and I was ripe for the picking that afternoon. You see, Satan is a master at making us believe that someone else could do our job better than we can. He knew exactly how to get to me that day, and he used my bad day to make me feel like a bad mom.

At that moment, I had a choice to make: I could accept the lies of the enemy and see myself through the eyes the accuser of my soul, or I could see myself through the eyes of my Jesus.

When the session ended, I made my way to the back of the stage and found a quiet place to pray. Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem as active as doing something, but in reality, there is nothing more powerful than bringing our whole selves to the Lord in prayer. God says that when we pray, He literally bends down to listen. That’s my Jesus. That’s my Savior.

Even today, tears fill my eyes as I remember His gentle words to me that day: You are loved. Loved when I lose my temper. Loved when I don’t meet someone else’s expectations for me, and loved when I do.

Precious mom, don’t let the enemy lie to you! If you believe the lies, you’ll be right where he wants you. Bad days do not make bad moms. God wants us to know His joy when we have good days—and He wants us to experience His grace when we don’t.

When we are assaulted by lies, we need to remember what and who we’re fighting for. Some days our biggest fight will be to see ourselves as God sees us. Because if God is for us (which He always is), no one—not even Satan himself—can stand against us (see Romans 8:31).

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Have you ever seen what happens to sleep-deprived drivers? They get into accidents. The same rule applies to motherhood: tired moms are prime candidates for burnout. Have you ever been done? You know, done, as in do-your-own-laundry-and-find-your-own-food kind of done? Me too. When I’m tired, here’s what happens:

I tend to avoid reading my Bible.
My house turns into a 24/7 movie theater (aka “video babysitter”).
Homework doesn’t get done.
Laundry piles up.
The slow cooker gets dusty.
The kids don’t get disciplined (just telling the truth here, people).
School doesn’t happen.
I stop shaving my legs. And showering.

And I don’t care. About any of it. When I’m near burning out, I tend to check out. I’m guessing that if we were having a tall pumpkin spice latte together right now, you’d be high-fiving me. Why? Because we’ve all been there.

Here’s the thing: the key word in burnout is burn. Burnout happens when we focus for too long on the wrong things, such as keeping up with the Joneses or saying yes when we should say no. We have to stay on top of these little flare-ups before they turn into full-blown brush fires. And it’s not just our individual homes and families we need to be concerned about. Look around: the entire battlefield is ablaze right now. Our kids can’t afford to have moms who are burned out and checked out. They need us to be all in.

God has given this generation of moms a special challenge: to train future warriors for the spiritual battle that’s unfolding around us. God is asking today’s mothers to be strong in the midst of an incredibly powerful cultural shift away from the truth of God’s Word.

It’s an awesome responsibility, and in all honesty, it’s daunting. Christian parents have the privilege and responsibility of teaching their children what it means to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His strength. The devil knows this. He knows that if the mothers of this generation are too exhausted to fight, they’ll be tempted to give up. Tired parents have a tendency to look for ways to relieve the stress of parenting by relegating their sacred calling to pastors and teachers. Simply put, when the going gets tough, many moms are checking out.

But MomStrong moms don’t check out. They check in—all in. One hundred percent!

Being all in starts with a personal commitment to recognize Jesus Christ as our source of strength. MomStrong moms need to prioritize their relationship with the living God in the same way they prioritize every other life-giving aspect of their lives. Think about it—just one day without water leads to dehydration. Well, our souls are no different. That’s why we can’t afford to go a single day without connecting with the Lord, either through His Word or in prayer. Doing so puts us at risk for spiritual dehydration.

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 40:31: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Read that again. Now one more time. (It’s okay—I’ll wait. This is important.)

The prophet is pointing us to the source of all strength: the Lord! He’s reminding us that it is the Lord who renews our strength. Do you want to run and not grow weary? Drink from the living water! We were born to thirst for our Creator. Without coming to Him daily, we’ll eventually find ourselves weary, weak, and discouraged.

It’s no wonder the enemy is working overtime to discourage and deplete moms. Think of it this way: a mom who is too tired to pray and read her Bible is no real threat to the devil. A tired mom is more likely to let the Internet parent her children. She’s apt to miss the subtle signs of a child whose heart is far from the Lord. A tired mom is less likely to spend time with God, and without filling up at the source, she runs on empty.

Trust me, I’ve been there. You start out fresh and energized. You have everything under control. You nap when Baby naps. Friends bring you premade dinners so you don’t have to cook. Mothers-in-law stop by to help with laundry. You schedule date nights with your spouse. You might even arrange a spa day for yourself every couple of weeks. After all, there’s almost always a friend or a family member who can fill in for you for the afternoon. But then one kid turns into two (or three or seven) and all of a sudden, you’re in full-on mom mode.

In a blink, your life is nothing but carpools and Crock-Pots, from the moment you wake up until you lay your head down again at night. Date nights vanish. Sitters become harder (and more expensive) to find. Laundry piles up. And before you know it, you’re eating leftover tuna casserole three days in a row and wondering when you last washed your own hair.

Let’s face it: busy doesn’t even begin to describe most moms today. We’re often too distracted to even ask God for help with our daily challenges. And Satan loves it when we’re too busy to pray.

Why? Because a mom who is too busy to seek the Lord in prayer is easy prey for the devil! Peter warns that our enemy is like a “roaring lion” (1 Peter 5:8). And this lion knows exactly how to get to the heart of a weary mom and drag her into the brush. But consider this, precious mom: in the midst of all the Crock-Pots, curriculum, and carpools, God wants to be your shelter.

He wants to give you refuge from the chaos of the day. Take a drink of living water every morning, and stay in tune with the Spirit throughout the day by praying and listening for that still, small voice. Yours is an awesome responsibility, so don’t be afraid to go directly to the Lord when you need help.

Share your challenges with Him, day and night, and let Him be your shelter.

He is listening. He always will be.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Every season of motherhood offers new challenges and new chances for us to grow in our trust in God. When our children first come to us, our prayers are often for strength—strength to stay up one. more. night. with a sick child. Strength for the toddler-taming years. Strength to meet the physical demands of having little ones at your feet while juggling a home and a marriage and your responsibilities.

It’s tempting to feel like we’re in control when our kids are little. After all, we set the schedule, right? As our children grow, we still need to trust God, but the tone of our prayers changes. Things feel a little less in our control (because they are!), and we need wisdom. We need to trust that God will give us the right combination of grace and discipline to get to the root of heart issues rather than just concentrating on external behavior.

In the teen years and beyond, the season changes yet again. There are new challenges, new fears, and new opportunities to release our children so they can pursue God’s amazing plans for them. And we have even less control. I’ve poured out my heart to God many times as my children have stood at the precipice of adulthood because I realize even more acutely that the trajectory-setting decisions they’re making now are theirs alone.

In many ways, the teen years are the final stage of the parenting process. You go from clay (so to speak) to kiln, where the clay is set and ready to be baked and glazed. No wonder so many mothers of teens have that “glazed” look in their eyes!

It’s humbling to realize that your years of greatest influence and physical presence are coming to an end. But exciting years lie ahead, because the power of your prayers is just beginning to be realized! When mothers begin the season of launching their arrows into the world, an entire new kind of trust is required: trust that God hears and answers our prayers.

During this season, there are a few areas that are totally in your control. You get to choose to be surrendered to God. You get to choose to spend time in His Word. You get to choose to pray for your children. God’s love for His children is fierce. It’s tenacious. It’s powerful. It’s real. And when you pray for your children, heaven is moved into action.

Precious mom, did you know that there’s power in your prayers? There is! God says that when we bring our problems, sorrows, fears, and burdens to Him, He promises to help us pray with power: “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words” (Romans 8:26).

Did you catch that? The Holy Spirit prays for us. Now there’s something every mom needs—the Holy Spirit Himself going to God on our behalf. God is literally saying that the Holy Spirit will pray for us when we are weak. Whether you’re struggling with unbelief, doubt, fear, or sickness, His promise is the same. God wants to meet you right where you are. The key is to spend time with Him and learn to live in His presence. That’s when we experience His peace.

When it’s all said and done, a MomStrong mom doesn’t trust in her own abilities; she trusts in a strong, sovereign God.

Precious mom, I know how hard it is to trust the Lord’s plan when it unfolds so differently from the agenda we’ve so carefully mapped out. But in God’s hands, the trials that threaten to bring us down are the very things that can build our trust in Him.

You don’t have to perfect in this journey of faith; you just have to be honest. So join me in crying out to the Lord, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” The stakes are high—for yourself and for your children. When was the last time your children saw you on your knees before the Lord? Do they know from the way you live your life that God is trustworthy? Do they see you trusting God? Becoming MomStrong means that we learn to let go of the wheel because we would rather have God be in control than our own flesh. If you struggle with unbelief, if you wonder if it’s safe to leave your children’s struggles (and your own) in His hands, it’s all right. God understands. It’s in His heart to:

show you a good plan for your life (see Psalm 16:11)
give you rest (see Matthew 11:28-29)
replace your weakness with His strength (see Isaiah 40:29)
declare victory in your life (see 1 Corinthians 15:57)
give you peace (John 14:27)

Trust me. Better yet, Trust Him! He’ll meet you right where you are.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

I like manuals. Lucky for me, most things come with one. Your car came with a manual. So did your TV and your Crock-Pot. Last week, I actually bought an eyeliner manual. You know, because, really, I’m just making that up as I go, too.

When it comes to parenting, there are a lot of great books out there. But MomStrong moms are looking for more than advice—we’re looking for wisdom. And God tells us that the beginning of wisdom is found in knowing the Lord (see Psalm 111:10). And the way we find out what God’s character is like is by reading His Word. Every other book out there (including this one) pales in comparison to that singular literary masterpiece. It’s the only book you need. In the early nineties, my husband, Jay, and I participated in a popular parenting class at our church with several other young couples. These were formative years for all of us, and we wanted to get it right.

We all did our best to follow the advice laid out in the book we were studying. It touched on virtually every aspect of parenting: there was a right way and a wrong way to feed babies, and there was a right way and a wrong way to do naptime and bedtime. It really was a formula for parenting. The trouble is, formulaic approaches to parenting don’t usually work, because each child is different. We learned very quickly that what worked for one child didn’t necessarily work for the next one, and so on.

Many of the lessons we learned in the class were excellent, but the hard and fast rules of the program set the stage for what turned into legalistic, performance-based parenting. It was as if there was a competition between the families in the class. Whose kids were the most polite? Which ones came as soon as they heard their names?

One morning in church, I noticed that my kids were arguing over something. Normally I would have just corrected the situation, but in this “parenting competition” I’d placed myself into, the stakes seemed higher. I felt like I had to crack down hard on the infraction. Suddenly, I felt like everyone was watching my children. It didn’t help that I was a pastor’s wife either. Every time the kids disobeyed me in church, I was deeply embarrassed for myself and my apparent lack of parenting know-how.

The comparison trap was stealing the joy from parenting—but worse than that, it had us all focused on a temporary obedience rather than gaining insight into the heart of the issues we were facing with our individual children. That pride and embarrassment put the focus solely on my children’s actions rather than on their hearts.

This is the real danger of formulaic parenting. Formulas tend to make parents believe that correct actions always indicate a contrite heart. Of course, that’s simply not true. A child can be made to sit down on the outside and still be standing on the inside. In the past twenty years, I’ve never met a mom who merely wanted her children to act like good kids. We want more than that for our kids—we want them to be good kids. Unfortunately, performance-based parenting often encourages just that—a performance.

Of course, reading advice from other godly people isn’t bad; we can glean much wisdom from believers who have walked the journey before us. But when we do all our learning from others and forget to spend time with the Lord, we’re in danger of winning the battle and losing the war.

The battles come in the form of everyday issues like getting your kids to put away their toys, sit still at the dinner table, and brush their teeth. But war is different: the stakes are higher. We’re talking about the hearts and minds of our children here—their character, their compassion, their moral foundation, and their capacity to love. The matters of preference are inconsequential; the matters of the heart and soul are eternal. MomStrong moms understand the difference, and while they don’t ignore the battles, they know that their primary focus must be on winning the war. When we stray from the Bible, we are in dangerous spiritual waters. MomStrong moms know the Word, and they respond to today’s challenges with God-centered wisdom. Don’t be deceived: your best defense, your only defense, is the Word.

Of course, we can’t give our kids what we don’t have. If you aren’t in the Word for yourself, you need to be—for your own sake as well as for the sake of your children. God offers a promise for those who seek wisdom: those who seek wisdom will find it. The war may feel long and fierce, but we don’t have to go it alone.

Becoming MomStrong means digging into God’s Word for answers to the daily challenges you and your family face. If you’ve never done that before, I encourage you to do something that took me years to do—be intentional about making time to read the Bible each day, even if it’s only a little bit at once.

It’s okay to start small. Commit to reading the Bible for just ten minutes each morning, and you’ll be amazed at what you’ll learn about the character of God and His heart for this hurting world. You’ll also see that God has set standards in place since the creation of the world. His law is as steadfast as the rule of gravity—and things go better when we obey, just as they do when we respect the laws that govern the physical world.

If you’re struggling with one of your children or with a situation one of your children is facing, it’s time to get on your knees and ask God for unique wisdom and perspective. God knows exactly what’s going on, and He can give you the wisdom you need. Isn’t that amazing? It’s one of the reasons we have hope as Christian moms. Instead of facing all the challenges and changes of motherhood on our own, we have the Creator Himself walking alongside us.

Parenting is a tough job, but thank God, we don’t have to rely on our own wisdom. God has already given us the best parenting manual in the world—His Word. The more we teach our children to “follow in the ways of the Lord,” the better equipped they will be to face the challenges ahead and “be successful in all [they] do and wherever [they go]” (1 Kings 2:3-4).