When Good Moms Burn Out

Becoming MomStrong

 

Have you ever seen what happens to sleep-deprived drivers? They get into accidents. The same rule applies to motherhood: tired moms are prime candidates for burnout. Have you ever been done? You know, done, as in do-your-own-laundry-and-find-your-own-food kind of done? Me too. When I’m tired, here’s what happens:

I tend to avoid reading my Bible.
My house turns into a 24/7 movie theater (aka “video babysitter”).
Homework doesn’t get done.
Laundry piles up.
The slow cooker gets dusty.
The kids don’t get disciplined (just telling the truth here, people).
School doesn’t happen.
I stop shaving my legs. And showering.

And I don’t care. About any of it. When I’m near burning out, I tend to check out. I’m guessing that if we were having a tall pumpkin spice latte together right now, you’d be high-fiving me. Why? Because we’ve all been there.

Here’s the thing: the key word in burnout is burn. Burnout happens when we focus for too long on the wrong things, such as keeping up with the Joneses or saying yes when we should say no. We have to stay on top of these little flare-ups before they turn into full-blown brush fires. And it’s not just our individual homes and families we need to be concerned about. Look around: the entire battlefield is ablaze right now. Our kids can’t afford to have moms who are burned out and checked out. They need us to be all in.

God has given this generation of moms a special challenge: to train future warriors for the spiritual battle that’s unfolding around us. God is asking today’s mothers to be strong in the midst of an incredibly powerful cultural shift away from the truth of God’s Word.

It’s an awesome responsibility, and in all honesty, it’s daunting. Christian parents have the privilege and responsibility of teaching their children what it means to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His strength. The devil knows this. He knows that if the mothers of this generation are too exhausted to fight, they’ll be tempted to give up. Tired parents have a tendency to look for ways to relieve the stress of parenting by relegating their sacred calling to pastors and teachers. Simply put, when the going gets tough, many moms are checking out.

But MomStrong moms don’t check out. They check in—all in. One hundred percent!

Being all in starts with a personal commitment to recognize Jesus Christ as our source of strength. MomStrong moms need to prioritize their relationship with the living God in the same way they prioritize every other life-giving aspect of their lives. Think about it—just one day without water leads to dehydration. Well, our souls are no different. That’s why we can’t afford to go a single day without connecting with the Lord, either through His Word or in prayer. Doing so puts us at risk for spiritual dehydration.

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 40:31: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Read that again. Now one more time. (It’s okay—I’ll wait. This is important.)

The prophet is pointing us to the source of all strength: the Lord! He’s reminding us that it is the Lord who renews our strength. Do you want to run and not grow weary? Drink from the living water! We were born to thirst for our Creator. Without coming to Him daily, we’ll eventually find ourselves weary, weak, and discouraged.

It’s no wonder the enemy is working overtime to discourage and deplete moms. Think of it this way: a mom who is too tired to pray and read her Bible is no real threat to the devil. A tired mom is more likely to let the Internet parent her children. She’s apt to miss the subtle signs of a child whose heart is far from the Lord. A tired mom is less likely to spend time with God, and without filling up at the source, she runs on empty.

Trust me, I’ve been there. You start out fresh and energized. You have everything under control. You nap when Baby naps. Friends bring you premade dinners so you don’t have to cook. Mothers-in-law stop by to help with laundry. You schedule date nights with your spouse. You might even arrange a spa day for yourself every couple of weeks. After all, there’s almost always a friend or a family member who can fill in for you for the afternoon. But then one kid turns into two (or three or seven) and all of a sudden, you’re in full-on mom mode.

In a blink, your life is nothing but carpools and Crock-Pots, from the moment you wake up until you lay your head down again at night. Date nights vanish. Sitters become harder (and more expensive) to find. Laundry piles up. And before you know it, you’re eating leftover tuna casserole three days in a row and wondering when you last washed your own hair.

Let’s face it: busy doesn’t even begin to describe most moms today. We’re often too distracted to even ask God for help with our daily challenges. And Satan loves it when we’re too busy to pray.

Why? Because a mom who is too busy to seek the Lord in prayer is easy prey for the devil! Peter warns that our enemy is like a “roaring lion” (1 Peter 5:8). And this lion knows exactly how to get to the heart of a weary mom and drag her into the brush. But consider this, precious mom: in the midst of all the Crock-Pots, curriculum, and carpools, God wants to be your shelter.

He wants to give you refuge from the chaos of the day. Take a drink of living water every morning, and stay in tune with the Spirit throughout the day by praying and listening for that still, small voice. Yours is an awesome responsibility, so don’t be afraid to go directly to the Lord when you need help.

Share your challenges with Him, day and night, and let Him be your shelter.

He is listening. He always will be.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Homeschooling Held Hostage

Homeschooling, ,

I remember the day we decided pull our daughter out of school. The day we “made it public”—this decision to homeschool.

I.Was.Terrified.  Really.  My knees were knocking as I walked into our oldest daughter’s grade school.  I liked her teacher. I had no complaints, really, except that we knew in our hearts there was something missing.school

We longed for more.  More shared experiences. More tailored education. A greater focus on the Creator of the beauty that surrounded us. A desire to dig deeper into family life. More storytime. More field trips. Less rushing to go our separate ways every morning. More LIFE.

That was fifteen years ago. Our beautiful second grader is now a beautiful wife and is expecting her own child this year. Time goes by fast.

In the past fifteen years, we’ve seen a lot of changes in the homeschool community.  There is much more pressure being put on homeschoolers to excel academically. We’ve gone from a few brave moms who, without access to mainstream “curriculum”, managed to give their children an excellent education—but we’ve forgotten what made it excellent.

It was excellent because these moms had a vision for homeschooling—they weren’t trying to re-create school at home. They were simply being obedient to the One who had called them to be different. They knew that if He had called them, He would equip them. And they were right.

When I was brand-new to homeschooling, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I set up a classroom in our home—complete with desks like the ones I had in school.

We soon began to understand that those desks, however, were not going to work over the long haul. What we really needed was a comfy couch, where we could curl up and read about the life of a hermit crab named Pagoo or discover the mysteries of the Island of Capri. Yes, a couch was what we needed.

For years, I notebooked with our children. We took nature walks and studied the seasons together. We did copy work and read stories of brave men and women who followed God with an abandon that most only dream about. And we spent a lot of time on the couch.

My husband (the patience of this man knows no limits) hauled the desks back up the stairs and out of the house. We sold them at a garage sale in the spring of 1999.

And today, as I look closely at our homeschool, I have to ask, “What makes me different?”

It’s easy to be held hostage by the expectations of the world.

I see it all around me—and I feel it myself.  The pressure is enormous. Why don’t my kids know Latin?

Am I doing enough?

sydney_piano

Most of us took our children out of public school in search of something more, only to be hijacked by the world’s system—right there on the couches in our living rooms. We’re putting our kids into hyper-academic “homeschooling” programs and we’re allowing the pressure of the “what ifs” to determine what we teach our children. Yes. We’re falling for it.  Does this sound familiar?

We can’t read today, kids.  We have too much math to do.
Mommy would love to play with you; but you need to finish your schoolwork first. And don’t forget about yesterday’s work.
We’ll do that later, after we do school.
Where is your list of assignments from the co-op?


Our Bibles gather dust—or worse—become just another thing to check off of our curriculum checklist.

*   Read one chapter in Hebrews.  *check here when done*

So many homeschool moms today are suffering from burnout—and I get it. The pressure to do more is enormous. But I wonder … is all this “more” really what God had in mind when He called us to be different? Somehow, I don’t think He meant for us to bring our children home only to have our home life hijacked by a worldly philosophy of education. I don’t think God meant for us—or our children—to struggle under the weight of someone else’s idea of a “proper” education.

I think—just maybe—He meant for us to be free.

Free to read aloud. All day if we want to. Even with our high schoolers.
Free to draw and create.
Free to discover the beauty of Creation—unhurried—and without the expectation of a report that is due about our “discovery” at the end of the next day.
Free to forget about preschool.
Free to take a hot chocolate walk for no reason.
Free … to know Him more.

hot_chocolate

 

It’s hard to do that when we’re always on someone else’s schedule.

If you are being held hostage by a burdensome curriculum or a program that promises to get your kid into college—and if you’re wondering if this was really the life that God had designed for you, I challenge you to look at those first homeschool moms. They set the bar—and they did it without expensive “all inclusive” programs. They did it by faith. They did it because they knew God would provide for their every need if they would only trust Him to guide and direct them.

These precious moms found out that God is faithful. He can be trusted. His mercies are new every day.

His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

 

Ask Him what He has for you and your children.  If you are not experiencing the “life” you were looking for when you began your homeschooling journey, it may be that you’re not giving the Lord permission to lead you there.

I know—because for all my trying— and even after I have experienced the freedom that comes from a more relational approach to homeschooling,  I often find myself a hostage of homeschooling rather than a mom who is enjoying the gift that she has been given through homeschooling.  It’s easy, even for a mom who has graduated a few children, to wonder if she’s doing enough.

If you’re being held hostage today—ask the Lord to show you His heart for your homeschool.  Because in following Him, you’ll find the LIFE you’re looking for.

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

When You Feel Like You’re Failing, Look Up

Becoming MomStrong

 

Not long ago I was speaking about motherhood at a conference in Virginia. After three days of back-to-back sessions, I could feel myself getting tired. Jay and I had taken our kids with us for the speaking season, and this was the next-to-last stop on our four-month trip. Let me tell you, the grace was running out. Everyone was just getting on everyone else’s nerves.

Fifteen minutes before I took the stage, I was with our kids in the green room, making sure everyone had their lunch. The green room was about a ten-minute walk from where I needed to speak, and the walk included an escalator. I hate those things—they attract kids like mosquitoes to an incandescent light. I have more than twenty-six years of parenting under my belt, and I have yet to find a cure for the siren song of the escalator.

As we were making our way to the green room, I gave this word of caution: “If you play on the escalator, there will be huge consequences later!” Not a particularly eloquent (or specific) threat, but it was the best I could muster up after four months away from home. And because my word is law, they all naturally decided they needed to jump off the final step “one more time.”

Our fifth child was the last one to jump from the moving stairs of death. I watched as she catapulted her five-foot frame several feet into the air from the second step. Midway into her disobedient jump, she screamed. I suppose a good mom would have been concerned about an injury. Not me—I was just mad. I know, you wish I were raising your children.

“Mom! My hand hurts!” Summer wailed.

By this point, however, I was immune to wailing. As it happens, my mom was a pediatric nurse, so I took a lesson from her playbook, glanced at her hand, and very matter-of-factly said, “Looks fine to me. Now stop crying and finish your sandwich.” And then, just in case I didn’t appear callous enough, I threw in a final “That’s what you get for playing on the escalator.”

I was so irritated! Here I was, trying to get ready to speak in front of a standing-room-only crowd—on parenting, mind you—and I couldn’t get my own children to obey one simple request. I was so distracted by my circumstances that I forgot to gird up for battle. I forgot to pray. I let my flesh overpower my spirit, and do you know what I heard whispering in my ear the entire time I was speaking?

You’re failing. You can’t even get your own children to obey.
If these moms knew what you were really like, they would get up and leave.
You’re a bad mother. You don’t have anything to say that’s worth hearing.

I fought for every. single. word. that came out of my mouth that afternoon. No one seemed to know it, but I was in a full-blown war up there onstage. The voice of condemnation that spoke to my soul was almost audible, and it threatened to undo me.

Have you ever heard that voice? You don’t need to be a public speaker to hear it. The devil knows his audience, and he knows our weak spots. His goal? To cloud our vision long enough so that we lose sight of the true fight.

As long as we live on this earth, the voices clamoring to fill our souls with condemnation will persist. Weary, worn-out mothers are perfect targets for the enemy, and I was ripe for the picking that afternoon. You see, Satan is a master at making us believe that someone else could do our job better than we can. He knew exactly how to get to me that day, and he used my bad day to make me feel like a bad mom.

At that moment, I had a choice to make: I could accept the lies of the enemy and see myself through the eyes the accuser of my soul, or I could see myself through the eyes of my Jesus.

When the session ended, I made my way to the back of the stage and found a quiet place to pray. Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem as active as doing something, but in reality, there is nothing more powerful than bringing our whole selves to the Lord in prayer. God says that when we pray, He literally bends down to listen. That’s my Jesus. That’s my Savior.

Even today, tears fill my eyes as I remember His gentle words to me that day: You are loved. Loved when I lose my temper. Loved when I don’t meet someone else’s expectations for me, and loved when I do.

Precious mom, don’t let the enemy lie to you! If you believe the lies, you’ll be right where he wants you. Bad days do not make bad moms. God wants us to know His joy when we have good days—and He wants us to experience His grace when we don’t.

When we are assaulted by lies, we need to remember what and who we’re fighting for. Some days our biggest fight will be to see ourselves as God sees us. Because if God is for us (which He always is), no one—not even Satan himself—can stand against us (see Romans 8:31).

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

When Your Homeschool Year Starts Off Crazy

Homeschooling,

We started our homeschool year last week.  It went great.

For one day.

Then the crazies came to visit.  Interruptions.  Crisis.  Family stuff.  Business stuff.

Something inside me knew it was coming.  Every year it seems that something stops me from getting off to that great start that I’d dreamt of during those long uninterrupted periods of planning over the summer.

And then it happens – friends begin sharing their awesome back-to-homeschool photos and experiences on my beloved Facebook page.  This is when it starts to get ugly inside my head.

Why, after 20 years of homeschooling can’t I figure this out?  I encourage moms all summer long as a speaker at homeschool conventions!  Shame on me!  Guilt. Condemnation.  Discouragement.  I told you it was ugly.

One thing this long haul of homeschooling has taught me  is that my God is faithful.  I may be discouraged but I do not despair.  2 Corinthians 4:8  “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not despairing.”

I head to the bathroom – many a busy mom’s prayer closet – and pour out my heart to God.  He is the only one to go to.  Only He knows why.  There is no logical reason for my failure.  I know how to plan and organize a homeschool.  Only He has the answers for my aching heart.

As usual – I felt the Lord’s peace and presence.  There is no shame or condemnation here.

I have peace, yet there is this part of me that hurts. That is when God reminds me that the pain I’m feeling is the idol I insist on making out of my kids’ education being torn down.  God wants His best for me and my kids and that’s not going to happen if I insist on getting in the way.

Coming from a long line of highly educated people, God knew my propensity for making academics an idol.  He has blessed me with 7 kids with dyslexia to make sure that never happens.

But I still try.

I still want to teach everything.  Teach it well.  Finish every page.  Have my kids get A’s on all the tests.

And I still want my first week of school to go well.  Is that too much to ask?

God is telling me that my homeschool is for His glory not for mine.

Honestly, looking back over my 20 years of homeschooling, I see so clearly that God has removed my signature from the lives of my kids.  Sure I’ve loved them and fed them and done my best to faithfully shepherd them alongside my husband, but their successes are nothing about me – nothing but evidence of God’s amazing grace.

Every year I try to pick up the reigns again and make homeschooling and parenting about me – about what I can give and do and create out of these kids.

But, however much I want to be in control:

It is God that knitted them together in my womb. (Psalm 149)

God who has created them with purpose – since before the foundation of the world.  (2 Timothy 1:8-9)

It is God that causes them to will and to work for His purposes. (Philippians 2:13)

Freshly humbled, I am able, once again, to let go of my grip and let my ideals, my plans, and my purposes go.

It’s a little scary and exciting all at once.  Shouldn’t that be how it is when we walk with the living God?

If you are struggling with the back to school crazies, may I encourage you with the encouragement that I myself have received?

The baby is the lesson.  Most of my homeschooling days have been filled with babies and toddlers in arms and underfoot.  Even though my youngest is now five and a very enjoyable, mostly rational young fellow – I have grandkids!  When the babies and toddlers are distracting you from your plans, remember that the baby is the lesson.  Relax and enjoy them and show your older kids (who could otherwise be doing Math or English) that babies are a treasure.  Show them how to love and enjoy that noisy, messy toddler.  Mercy, kindness, compassion, service – that is the lesson for the day.

God is your Headmaster.  We can plan and research all summer long but remember what God has to say about the plans of man.  “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”  Proverbs 16:9

It’s not about you.  I know this is uncomfortable.  Believe me.  I know!  Our homeschools are not for our glory.  Look how quickly we finished our studies.  Look at how well my kids did at the spelling bee.  Look at all the great hands-on projects we’ve completed.  Although there is nothing wrong with these things, they are not why we homeschool.  We homeschool to raise kids to love and serve God and each other.  Academic pursuits must be second to spiritual tasks.

God is faithful, Mama.  If life is looking a little crazy today, step back and seek the One who has numbered your days.  There is rest in knowing that He is perfectly aware of how much English you finished today and you are right where He wants you.  And when others see your homeschool, though they don’t see a Pinterest perfect mama, they will see a family that is being perfected by what God is doing in their lives.

Marianne

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

Even When Our Plans Fail, God’s Never Will

Becoming MomStrong

 

Have you ever noticed how many of the psalms were written during times of difficulty?

Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident
Psalm 27:3

This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I trust him.
Psalm 91:2

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?
Psalm 27:1

If we read between the lines of these psalms, we get the distinct impression that the psalmist is facing some pretty serious challenges: being surrounded by an army, needing a place of refuge, facing danger and fear and anxiety. Maybe we’re not facing a literal army, but my guess is that most of us have felt like we’re in a battle at some point or at the very least in need of a place of rest and protection.

Likewise, most of the New Testament epistles were written from prisons. Some of the most powerful sections of Scripture were written by authors who found themselves in circumstances beyond their control—circumstances they never would have chosen themselves. Paul wrote the book of Philippians when he was in custody of the Roman government, yet he still clung to the promise of God’s faithfulness: “This same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). 

In the same way that fear can test our trust, trials can also test our trust. Let me say that again, because I need to hear it too: trials test our trust.

In her song “Hard Times Come,” Amy Grant writes,

Hard times come
And they’ll come till we’re done.

You know what? She’s right. Hard times come—but they’re not here to torture us; they’re here to teach us. We either learn from them or we don’t.

One of the mistakes we often make as mothers is thinking that our children should never see us get upset or wrestle through something. This is simply not true (not to mention impossible). Struggle is part of life. The question isn’t whether our children should see our struggles and burdens. The question is, Do our trials point our children to Jesus Christ even as we stumble and struggle along the way?

If we tell our children that we trust God but we’re living in a constant state of panic and distrust, what are we saying with our lives? Through our actions, we put our trust in God on display for our children. It’s a big deal how we respond during trials. Our responses to the pressures of this world are shaping an entire generation. The way we handle failure, financial difficulty, loss, and pain speaks volumes about what we really believe.

In Psalm 20:7 (niv), David says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Allow me to put that into contemporary mom-speak for you: “Some trust in financial stability, some trust in homeschooling, some trust in medicine, some trust in [fill in your own blank], but I choose to trust in the name of the Lord!”

There are so many things that seem easier to trust than the Lord—after all, He is invisible. We like to see what we’re putting our trust in. That’s part of faith, isn’t it? That we’re trusting our future to a God we can’t see? But the truth is, anything other than Jesus will eventually let us down. In Psalm 28:7-8, David says: “The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.  The Lord gives his people strength. He is a safe fortress for his anointed king.”

Is the Lord your strength and shield? Take a moment to check your heart. It’s easy to operate in the world and forget that God is our true source of protection and power.

Does your life demonstrate a trust in God’s provision? In His goodness? In His Word? In His timing? It’s critical that it does. Why? Because we can’t give our kids what we don’t have. If we don’t put our trust in the Lord, how can we expect them to?

Are you struggling? Look up! Don’t be overcome by fear or anxiety. Remember that God can use these hard times to teach us and to put our trust to the test.

One of the reasons I love the psalms so much is because David is so transparent in his human attempt to walk with his Creator. The source of his confidence and stability wasn’t in his own strength but in God. And yet he struggled. This man who referred to himself as the apple of God’s eye (see Psalm 17:8, NIV) struggled with fear. One minute he was praising God, and the next he was crying out for rescue—just like the rest of us!

When you find yourself struggling as David did, ask yourself, “Has He ever failed me?” The answer is a clear and resounding no. Even if it seems like He is absent. Even when we make mistakes and choose to walk in disobedience, God says He uses all things for good. He is in control—even when we feel out of control—which means we can quiet our hearts and rest knowing that God will never let us go.

When we realize that God sees our frailty and understands our worry, it’s easier to see His heart for us. God loves us, even in our times of doubt and unbelief. As the song goes, “The times they are a-changin’.” But God doesn’t change. He remains the same: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). Even when my plans fail—His never will.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Homeschooling With Toddlers: Finding Your Way Without Losing Your Mind (or Joy!)

Homeschooling, MomStrong Parenting, ,

Ahhh, toddlers.  Gotta love ’em. I have been homeschooling successfully with toddlers for many years. Or not!

You know me, I like to keep things real.  And in the interest in being perfectly honest, let me just start by saying I’ve tried everything I know how to try and nothing is ever foolproof.  Nothing works all the time. Real-life isn’t like Pinterest.

Here’s the big thing I’ve learned though.  Are you ready? The best thing I can do for myself and my toddlers is to appreciate them. I have lots of fun toddler stories but one of my favorites is from 1998, the first year we were homeschooling. I was still in “let’s see if I can really do this” mode and I was very serious about it all.  One cold winter morning as I was teaching Sierra from our favorite book on reading “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons,” I noticed that I had not heard from the toddler in some time.

Silence is Golden

Quietly, stealthily, I made my way to the back of the house, down the long hallway that had four identical doors. Skylar, our 20-month-old, was behind door number 3.  He had literally covered himself from head-to-toe in Desitin and then, he had proceeded to cover his ride-on giraffe in Desitin.  But wait! There’s more!  After that, he decided it would be a good idea to dump all the baby powder on top of himself and “Giraffey.”  Have you ever tried to get powder and Desitin out of bedding and pillows and wooden toys and carpet?  Let’s just say it’s not something I’d like to spend another 8 hours doing.

As you might have guessed, we didn’t get to finish our reading lesson that day.  I don’t think I made dinner.  Our landlord was coming over to check some faulty water heater or something.  There was no way I was letting him see the house covered in baby powder and Desitin!

Toddlers.  You’ve gotta love ’em. Fast forward 15 years. That toddler is now a handsome young man. His days of dumping Desitin are over until he has his own child.  I’m pretty much living for that.  (Just kidding.) I tell you this story to remind you that if you’re in the throes of homeschooling and toddler taming, it doesn’t last forever. Enjoy your toddlers as much as you can.  Laugh as much as you can.  Don’t wish these toddler years away.

Of course, there are some logistical things that might help with the “taming” part of parenting toddlers, especially if you’re trying to homeschool older children too, so here are a few things I’ve learned.

toddler_consistent

Hard truth: children need consistency.  They just do. I feel sorry for moms who are being pulled and pushed around by little tyrants that are only a couple feet tall—especially when the mom could be doing something about it.  Now I’m not saying every child needs the same thing, far from it!  But I am saying this: most toddlers are smarter than their moms give them credit for being. Of course

there’s the occasional “exception to the rule” but make no mistake,  your toddler knows you.  And he knows what you mean when you give instructions.  This whole counting to ten or three or whatever needs to stop.

I love this book by Ginger Plowman: “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” is one of the best books on toddler taming I’ve ever read. Check it out.

Bottom line? Toddlers know they are loved when you give them boundaries and stick to them. I’m not suggesting that there is no room for grace; but grace is given, like consequences, on a case-by-case basis.  Love your toddler by being consistent in every area.

Toddler_patient

Your homeschooling efforts are only as good as the relationships behind them.  

This is a lesson I have learned the hard way over and over.  It’s worth taking the time to find out what the problem is.  Sometimes, it’s a simple case of the child needing more affirmation or time from his parents. Toddlers are growing in every way.  They need lots of love and affirmation along with consistency from you.  You can do both, by the way.  Keep in mind that whatever you do should be motivated by love.

toddler_flexible

I have tried everything under the sun to keep our toddlers busy while we do school. Sometimes, I wait for “difficult” subjects until the toddler is napping. Sometimes, I put in a video (here are my favorite videos in the whole wide world.)  Sometimes, I set up a little area at the table where the toddler can color and feel like he/she is doing “school” with us.  Sometimes, I give them the Sharpies and tell them to just color the walls.  (Not really. But I’ve felt like it.)  My point: experiment until you find a rhythm. Do what works for you.

toddler_buddy

This has worked the best for us over the years.  It’s a win/win/win if you can figure it out:

  • Mom wins because someone is helping to keep the baby/toddler occupied
  • Older children win because they get the “privilege” of building rapport and relationships with their siblings.  Plus, helps grow them, too!  I let the bigger kids bake cookies, draw, watch movies (occasionally), play games, go outside, whatever!
  • Toddler benefits in a million ways—not the least of which is the foundational building blocks for great relationships with their older siblings.

Giving your older children the important role of mentor and big brother/sister is an entirely separate homeschool course.  It’s worth investing in.

Love your toddler, busy mom!  Soak ’em up!  It only lasts a couple of years and you don’t get it back.  Play, play, play when you can with your toddlers.  You’ll be surprised at how their little eyes will light up. 😉

What are some of YOUR great ideas for keeping toddlers busy during the day?

It goes by fast,
signature-heidi

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

The Busy Mom’s Favorite Christmas Books

Heidi's Favorite Things, MomStrong Parenting, , ,

It’s here! The most wonderful time of the year … to read!  Reading together is a favorite activity in our family, and over the years, reading aloud has become a cherished part of our family’s Christmas tradition.  I’ve spent years scoping out books at yard sales and thrift stores looking for hidden treasures to read to the kids. I won’t lie to you—I’ve also purchased some books that were total losers, and they ended right back where I found them.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I had a great response to the list of favorite Thanksgiving books, so I’ve compiled a few of our favorite Christmas books too—in case you needed some inspiration as you start or continue to build your own family library.

Remember, these books can be found at the library, thrift stores, eBay and a host of other places. If you’re like me, and you want to build a family library, make some room in your budget to purchase at least one or two every year. Those books will create their own special memories for you and your kids in the years to come.

Coupla’ things before you see the list: I think moms need to be sneaky if they’re gonna teach their children to love to read. Sneaky moms put books everywhere.

Would you like your children to read more? You can put your Christmas books into a basket and simply put them in a cozy spot, complete with couch pillows and throw blankets. Don’t be surprised when you find the kids going back to those baskets over and over again.

Some ideas:
You could wrap each one, then pull out one each day to unwrap as you count down the days.  You could pick a few favorites that lend themselves to great crafts and make a special day out of each one—or— you could grab a few that specifically teach about some of the traditions in your home.  Keep it simple, busy mom!  (Remember: Your kids won’t miss what you don’t create an expectation for.)

And for the record:
I don’t do most of that stuff I just suggested. (sorry.)  I just put books in cozy places all over the house and when the opportunity arises, we read. Voila! Take the pressure off and enjoy this literature-rich season with your children— toddlers, tweens and even teens.  Here are just a few of our family faves. Merry Christmas!

{This post contains affiliate links.}

Christmas Love Letters from God Bible Stories (A lift-the-flap book) –  I LOVE this new book from Zondervan. Written for children ages four to eight, Christmas Love Letters from God cleverly combines both prose and poetry as the story of Jesus’ birth unfolds. The book includes seven stories, beginning with Isaiah’s prophecy and ending with the visit of the wise men. Following each story, the child will find his or her own letter from God, folded into a small envelope attached to the page. Each letter begins with a space in which to write the child’s name, so each one can be specially addressed to the child.

Written as if God is speaking, each personalized message gives the young reader a sense of wonder as they discover anew the Christmas holiday and the birth of Jesus. A very special Bible verse, entitled God’s Perfect Promise, also accompanies each story and letter as God’s personal words of love, promise, and hope.

This would make a great keepsake as it clearly gives the message of the gospel.

Goodnight, Manger – Goodnight, Manger, written by Laura Sassi and illustrated by New York Times bestselling artist Jane Chapman, tells the story of Mary and Joseph as they try to lull Jesus to sleep in the noisy stable after his birth. It’s bedtime for Baby Jesus, but who knew a manger could be so loud? Mama, Papa, and all of the animals try to lull the baby to sleep, but between itchy hay, angels’ joyful hosanas, and three kings bearing noisy gifts, it’s just too loud. Until Mama finds a way for everyone to work together to shepherd Baby into peaceful dreams under the twinkling stars. With sweet, rhyming text in the style of Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site, Goodnight, Manger offers a unique twist on the classic manger tale, deftly weaving together the comforting and familiar routines of bedtime with the special magic and wonder of the manger story.

Night of Great Joy – One of my favorite artists, Mary Engelbreit has created
, a delightful picture book that celebrates the joyful season of Christmas. This book tells the story of the nativity through the performance of a children’s Christmas pageant. With adorable illustrations and simple storytelling, Engelbreit paints a wonderful picture of the night that Jesus was born.

A Night of Great Joy recalls that fateful night with wonder and awe. From the arrival of Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem to the gathering of many before the baby Jesus, this holiday treasure leads children through the tale of the birth of Jesus, guiding them with the star of Bethlehem.

Berenstain Bears Christmas Fun Sticker and Activity Book – I love all things Berenstain. This is a great early Christmas gift. The Berenstain Bears come to life this holiday season with puzzles, activity pages, and more than 50 reusable stickers in The Berenstain Bears’ Christmas Fun Sticker and Activity Book.

Featuring Papa, Mama, Brother, Sister, and Honey and the rest of the Bear Country gang, kids are sure to find lots to do helping Honey Bear find the missing piece of the Bear family Nativity scene, doing crosswords and word searches with Brother and Sister, and even helping out at the Christmas Eve service at Chapel in the Woods.

One Wintry Night – A classic Christmas picture book, One Wintry Night tells the story of a mountain boy who is injured in a snowstorm and seeks refuge in a cabin. While he waits out the storm, the woman who lives there tells him the Christmas story. In a magnificent blend of a contemporary setting with the history of God’s redeeming love, Ruth Graham created a wonderful and unique version of the Christmas story. Breathtakingly illustrated by renowned artist Richard Jesse Watson, One Wintry Night is the perfect gift for the young and the young-at-heart that will fascinate both those who have heard the Bible story many times and those who know only a few details.

Saint Nicholas: The Real Story of the Christmas Legend – This picture book presents a shortened version of the life of Saint Nicholas, explaining that Nicholas was a servant of God and that, through him, Gods love was reflected to others. The story touches on the ministry of Nicholas and his generous gift of a dowry to three young girls as a response to Gods love in Jesus.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas – If you haven’t read this to your kids yet, get crackin’. This is a Christmas classic!  The Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small, hates Who-ville’s holiday celebrations, and plans to steal all the presents to prevent Christmas from coming. To his amazement, Christmas comes anyway, and the Grinch discovers that the heart of Christmas is not found in “things.”

Come and see: A Christmas story – And they all come — shepherds and townsfolk, neighbors and strangers, grown-ups and children — to see and celebrate the child sleeping in the manger. A poetic text and glowing paintings retell this well-known story with a simplicity and richness that fill the heart with peace.

The Little Drummer Boy – A procession travels to Bethlehem, bringing gifts for the newborn baby Jesus. The little drummer boy comes along, although he is too poor to bring a present fit for a king. Instead, he plays a song on his drum for the Christ Child.

This Is the Star – This retelling of the Nativity story features carefully crafted verse describing the magical night, complemented by magnificent full-color oil paintings. This artwork is powerful and beautiful, showing how big the Christmas story really is. No mini angels here!

A Little House Christmas Treasury: Festive Holiday Stories – Celebrate the holidays with Laura and her family with stories from the beloved Little House books!

The Something Wonderful: A Christmas Story – In a little stable in Bethlehem, all the animals are eagerly planning for the Something Wonderful. No one knows exactly what or when it will be, but they are convinced a fancy celebration is required-complete with parade, party, food, and activities. Soon the animals are squabbling over details and forgetting the reason for the celebration. When a little lamb reminds the other animals what really matters-the Something Wonderful-everyone realizes it is time to be kinder to each other and patiently wait for the Something Wonderful to happen. And on one starry night, it does!

Christmas Trolls – Christmas is Treva’s favorite time of the year. But this year, decorations and presents are mysteriously disappearing. When Treva follows a small creature making off with the Christmas pudding, she discovers two irresistible trolls who want to have Christmas, but don’t understand it. Jan Brett has many Christmas season stories with beautiful and unique illustrations like this one!

Santa’s Favorite Story: Santa Tells the Story of the First Christmas – Discover the true meaning of the holidays with Santa’s Favorite Story. It’s not about Santa – really!

Room for a Little One: A Christmas Tale – On a cold winter night, Kind Ox invites one visitor after another into the shelter of his stable–Old Dog, Stray Cat, and Small Mouse, who rest together in harmony. When Tired Donkey appears, he brings with him Mary and Joseph, and all of the animals welcome Jesus when He is born.

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey with CD: Gift Edition – Jonathan Toomey is the best woodcarver in the valley, but he is always alone and never smiles. No one knows about the mementos of his lost wife and child that he keeps in an unopened drawer. But one early winter’s day, a widow and her young son approach him with a gentle request that leads to a joyful miracle.

Silver Packages: An Appalachian Christmas Story – In Appalachia each Christmas, a boy named Frankie waits beside the tracks for the Christmas Train, which will bring presents to the children who live in coal towns and hollows. Year after year, Frankie hopes that one particular gift a very special gift will be tossed to him from that train. It is this enduring hope that will guide him to the true meaning of the season.

Night Tree – By moonlight in the quiet forest, a young boy and his family decorate their favorite tree with popcorn, apples, tangerines, and sunflower-seed balls as a gift for the animals of the woods.

The Wild Christmas Reindeer – Little Teeka thought she had to be firm with the reindeer to get them ready for Santa’s important flight, but when her bossy yelling only got their antlers tangled up, she knew she had to try something different.

Many years ago, my family discovered a trilogy created just for advent. Believe me, you won’t want to read just one. The whole series is great!

Jotham’s Journey – In this widely popular, exciting story for the advent season, readers follow ten-year-old Jotham across Israel as he searches for his family. Though he faces thieves, robbers, and kidnappers, Jotham also encounters the wise men, shepherds, and innkeepers until at last he finds his way to the Savior born in Bethlehem.

The highly anticipated follow-up to Jotham’s Journey, Bartholomew’s Passage, is an engaging story that guides families through the Advent season. Young Bartholomew’s adventures start when Roman soldiers destroy his village and disperse his family, continue through his enslavement to a tyrannical master and his escape with his new friend Nathan, and end with a reunion with his family in Bethlehem. Along the way Bartholomew makes a new friend, a young boy named Jotham!

Tabitha’s Travels completes the trilogy. Curious, competent, and courageous Tabitha is the daughter of a shepherd who is taking his family on caravan to his birthplace. Along the way, she meets and becomes friends with Jotham and Bartholomew, watches as Romans take her father prisoner, spends time with Zechariah and Elizabeth, helps Mary and Joseph just before Christ s birth, and ends her travels at the stable in Bethlehem.

Christmas reads for grown-ups

The Christmas Box was given to me as a gift several years ago. It’s a beautiful little story that is just the right length to read in a single sitting, with or without your children. I’d call it a modern-day classic, if “they” let me do that sort of thing. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry—you’ll be changed. Powerful, powerful reading.

Christmas Stories  – I’m a sap for pretty much anything written by Max Lucado, and this is one of my faves. It’s filled with short(er) stories of Christmas, and, because Max has a style all his own, you’ll soon be wanting to read the next story and the next and the next.   These stories—like your favorite Christmas ornaments—come in all shapes and sizes. They unfold in a variety of settings, from ancient Bethlehem to rural England. From a small Texas town to the heavenly realms. Some are short. Others many chapters long. Some offer reflections. Others imagine Christmas through the eyes of a burnt-out candle maker, a lonely business man, or heavenly angels.

Yet all are vintage Lucado, and all resonate with the wonder of the season.