Tag Archives: tweens

Teaching Our Kids About Honor

Yesterday, I was in a grocery store with my daughter. She was glancing at magazine covers as we unloaded our cart contents onto the conveyor belt. Aside from the usual gossip magazine covers, I noticed that several major magazines had lead stories about young people (and a few not-so-young people) who were making the most of their celebrity status—by behaving foolishly.

A magazine cover indicates a certain sort of honor, doesn’t it? That’s what my young daughter assumes.

Have you ever wondered why it’s important that we use wisdom in giving honor? You don’t have to look much farther than the newspaper and national media to figure out that we’re not exercising much discernment in bestowing honor these days. Here’s who we are currently elevating to “celebrity” status:

Athletes whose lives off the field are a wreck
Pastors who have a “following” but lack personal integrity
Reality TV personalities
Bloggers (hello!)
Actors
Musicians

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that these people are not worth of honor. But honestly? It’s not hard to see we have a problem where honor is concerned in our culture. The Bible has a lot to say about the importance of bestowing honor.

As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.

In Romans 13:7, Paul instructs us to give honor to whom honor is due. When we honor people such as athletes simply based on their skill and ignore their personal lives, we do everyone a disservice. When we honor celebrities who clearly have huge moral deficits, what message are we sending to our children?

I believe the message is clear: we’re telling our kids that as long as they can produce something that other people want (like a winning touchdown), all bets regarding their behavior are off. There’s no clear solution on the horizon, either. As a culture, we need to do a better job of honoring those to whom honor is due. Christian or not, behavior matters.

As parents, this translates into everyday life with our children. When we praise our children for their achievements regardless of their behavior, we’re not doing them any favors. Praise them for their integrity, courage, kindness, respect and honesty. Let’s help our children to make wise choices by making wise choices ourselves. When we honor the wise choices they make, we are teaching our children what is worthy of praise.

10 Things to Do At the Park

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One of my favorite places to hang out with my boys is the park. Living in Florida means that it’s usually warm enough to go outside all the time. While the playground equipment provides a lot of fun for my boys, I have found that there are many other things to do at the park that are just as fun {and sometimes educational}.

10 Things to Do with Your Kids at the Park

1. Have a picnic: On a really nice day pack up lunch and head to the park. I have an old comforter in my trunk that we use for our picnics at the park. One days when we just need to get out and get some fresh air a picnic can be just what we need.

2. Read a book: This one goes well with #1. When we have a picnic at the park I always take something to read. I will read to my boys while they eat their lunches. Sometimes it’s something for school (a history book) and sometimes it’s whatever read aloud we are working on. I also take something to read by myself while my boys play.

3. Take a nature walk: My boys love to explore and this year we are taking more time for nature walks. When we are at a park I try to take a 10-15 minutes when we first get there or right before we leave to go on a nature walk. We walk around the park and observe nature. We look for plants and animals. One year we visited the same park every week and we got to watch as ducklings hatched and grew. My boys also found a tadpole pond and we were able to watch the transformation from tadpole to frog.

4. Art: My boys love to paint and create and make messes. The park is a great place for this because there’s no mess in your house to clean up. My boys love watercolors and chalk pastels so these are usually what we take with us to the park. They get to draw or paint things that they see at the park or whatever pops into their heads. This can also be a great tie in with nature walks. Sometimes my boys will draw something that we found on our walk.

5. Fly a kite: My boys love to fly kites! Sadly I take after Charlie Brown when it comes to kite flying. But the park is a great place for kite flying. There’s lots of open space and grass to run. And if you need some help there’s usually someone there to help you out.

6. Target practice: My boys love to shoot things. We have cap guns, swords, nerf guns and archery sets everywhere. There really isn’t much room in our tiny apartment for my boys to really have fun with these toys so from time to time we take our armory to the playground.

7. Games: Re-live your childhood by playing some of your favorite games (hide-n-seek, red rover, tag, etc). My boys love to play hide and seek at the park because there are so many places to hide. If you have a big group of people red rover can be a lot of fun. My boys are always asking me for new games to play with kids at the park.

8. Ball Game: Grab those soccer balls, footballs and baseballs when you head to the park. Take advantage of the extra space to run and play and the extra kids to add to the fun!

9. Climb Trees: My boys love to climb trees. Every time that we go to a new park they run around looking for trees to climb. I love watching them climb like monkeys. Our favorite park has many trees and I love watching as my boys get older and are able to climb more trees.

10. Have fun: Get out there and play with your kids! My boys love it when I slide and climb and run around with them at the park.

What are some of your favorite things to do at the park?

Triple Threat For Raising Boys

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If someone had told me years ago that we would end up with five boys, I don’t think I would have believed them! Right now our boys are 19, 16, 15, 13 and 9 (we also have 3 girls). They are all unique with varying temperaments and personalities.

If you are reading this, there’s a good chance that you have been blessed with one or more of these amazing little or young men! I say amazing because I am constantly floored at how God has so obviously created them very different from women. In general, we don’t think the same or have the same responses as they do. They have an insatiable need to conquer, sometimes to the detriment of their own safety. For example: If a girl gets hurt doing an activity, usually she doesn’t do it again. If a boy gets hurt he tends to repeat the activity. The temptation is to think our boys are just dumb for doing this. The truth is they are trying to figure out a way to do this thing BETTER (without getting hurt) re-doing it until they CONQUER it! This is the stuff that makes history…new inventions, better ways of life, new worlds explored. It’s a gift, moms!

I’m not going to lie…that “gift” has put many gray hairs on my head and probably shortened my life by several years. Numerous trips to ER, near heart attacks (for me), adrenaline rushes, and sleepless nights. But the flip side is that I have come to appreciate and respect the God-given nature of men. I’ve learned a lot about how to embrace it and encourage our sons in the way that they are created.

Here are three things that I have learned (and have to remind myself) of what boys need. I used 3 “B’s” to make it easier:

BREVITY: Keep your words to a minimum. Boys aren’t generally good at taking in a lot of words and there are tons of studies out there to prove it. Somehow, we think if we say more, it becomes more meaningful, but the opposite is true: they tune us out. I remember last year, I was REALLY frustrated with all of our boys on the whole. I spent at least an hour telling my husband all about it. Afterward, he looked at me and very sweetly said that I use TOO many words! The more words I use, the less the boys respect me. Respect is crucial in keeping their hearts. Keep the conversations and confrontations simple and clean! Boys are pretty good at handling ‘blunt’. They often prefer it.

Which brings me to the next point:

BOUNDARIES: It is very important that our boys KNOW what the boundaries are. When I say it’s important, it means that, in general, boys will test the boundaries REPEATEDLY (there’s that conquering nature again) to be SURE that they are still in tact. There are days this feels like relentless torture as moms because, if we love our sons, we WILL hold that ground. (Proverbs 13:24, 23:13-15, 22:15, 29:17, 19:18) Truth is, most boys learn the quickest through painful consequences. Find out what their currency is and use it to motivate them (either by taking it away or rewarding with it) There ARE times I have realized that a boundary I am holding to isn’t a hill worth dying on after all. God has used the persistence of our sons to teach me better priorities. I have also learned when I am not enjoying our kids at least 80% of the time, it’s usually because I have failed to keep the boundaries clear and intact.

BLOW-OFF: Boys are generally high energy and if that energy is not fairly well-directed, they will pretty much dismantle the house, board by board. Using a routine that incorporates chores and physical activity (especially outside) is very helpful. Boys are amazingly capable. When they “conquer” new skills and we praise them for it, they are more responsive to us in general. When our boys become too ranbunctious I make them jump on the trampoline for 10 minutes, run around the outside of the house ten times, do push ups or give them a chore like weeding, shoveling snow, sweeping the deck, chopping wood, etc.

It can be challenging raising sons, but the investment you make into your boys’ manhood will come back to you many fold. As ours are approaching adulthood, I often find them being my greatest allies and defenders. They seem proud to call me “mom” and I pray that will always be true.

“The choices, loves, and beliefs of a boy’s mother craft his character. Mothers are a powerful presence in their sons lives. This knowledge shouldn’t frighten us; it should motivate us. Boys need more of their mothers in order to be greater men. And any mother who follows her maternal instincts, examines her own motivations, and does the best she can, will be a good mother. Boys don’t need perfection; they just need you there.” -Meg Meeker

Sisterhood of Spies: Two Reasons Every Mom Should Be Social Media Savvy

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Last month, a rather embarrassing thing happened to me. A friend of mine tattled on one of my kids. She came to me and rather sheepishly advised me about something she saw of of my children say online.

Great. Now, you’ve got to know: I was sure it wasn’t my child. After all, my child had been advised that they were not to be on the Internet at all for a period of time. There was no way it was my kid. I was sure.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I was wrong. To be clear, it wasn’t the thing my teen said that was the issue. It was the fact that we have rules about what apps they can use what which ones they may not use. It was also a clear violation of the agreement we had about Internet use for that particular week. As in, the kids were told they were NOT to be online. They had been grounded for other reasons from using social media. It was the violation of trust that was the real issue.

I won’t like to you; having another parent tattle to me about my child was embarrassing, but I’m so glad she did! Without that information, my husband and I would have been in the dark about something we needed to know about.

Let me say that again: I’m so glad that someone had the courage to tell me something that I would not have known otherwise.

Years ago, I began telling some of my friends that they had my permission to spy on my kids online. I call it our “Sisterhood of Spies.” We look out for each other. If we see our kids doing something sketchy online or in real life, we’re not afraid to talk about it. We talk openly about the tough stuff of life. In one case I would say it literally saved a child from traveling down a very dark road.

So yes. I’m a spy for my friends. I’ve made a few uncomfortable phone calls to mom friends over the years, too. Do my kids know that I have spies? You betcha. They never know who’s mom is looking over which child’s shoulder when they’re online. It’s fantastic!

You’ve heard that love must be tough, right? Well sometimes, parental love must also be shrewd. Here are two reasons I will always be as social media savvy as I can be:

I want to be able to see who my children are interacting with. You can tell A LOT about a kid by what they post on their Facebook page or Instagram. I want to be very aware of the kinds of people my kids “hang out” with online and in person.
I want to be able to navigate the changing face of social media so that I speak the same language that my teens speak. Listen, when you’re in France, best to know just a little French. (Ask me how I know this.) On the Internet, a little knowledge of the language will help you be a better parent.

I hope you have friends who will be part of your Sisterhood. If you don’t have a SOS, see about asking a few friends to be part of your parenting SOS, especially if your children are online.

Parents can’t be everywhere, but together, we can be more places. Especially online. Be social media savvy!

Be the {online} mom,

Your Kids Need Dating Too!

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Our parent hearts need to be connected to our children. A large part of the parenting journey is getting to know what makes our children tick, what makes them happy, or upset, what they’re passionate about, where they struggle, and where their strengths lie.

If you have more than one child, you may find you have difficulty finding time to really get into the heart of these areas. With 4 kids in our family, we definitely have to plan intentional time for one-on-one, and planning a special date time with your kids is a great way to do it!

Too often when we think of dates, even as a husband and wife, we think it needs to be elaborate, fancy, super special, or include “going out” somewhere. But in reality, the purpose behind dating someone is to spend undistracted, intentional time together. This can really be accomplished ANYWHERE!

The first step to planning special dates with your kids is to take a look at your availability. If you have one or a couple children, you may be able to plan something quite regularly. However, if you have a lot of kids (such as in our family!), your dates may need to be further apart in occurrence.

As a couple, settle on and commit to planning out the dates with your kids, and determine whether you will both be present, or take turns. While having both parents there is a truly extra special time, it may not always be feasible. Just make sure you’re BOTH getting one-on-one with your kiddo!

Next, decide what kind of dates you will go on with your kids. You may take them out for a donut, or dinner, to a movie, or a special park. Or you may simply stay in and play a game together, read a book, or let them stay up later and just talk. Base it on your budget availability, both for time and cost.

The main thing is that you’re focusing on engaging your child in an activity or conversation in which there is no one else around to pull your attention away from them. To have some fun together, and to get to know them more and more.

Now if you’re saying “As much as I want to do this, I seriously don’t have ANY extra time!”, don’t be discouraged or give up! Even taking a trip to the grocery store with just one child instead of by yourself or the whole crew could be a fun opportunity together. Get creative with the resources you have available to you.

Our kids are 8 1/2, 7, 4 1/2 and 13 months. We’ve taken them out to the coffee shop, grocery store, Home Depot, birthday breakfasts and lunches, skiing, skating, swimming, bike rides and park dates. We’ve stayed in and played a game, done a puzzle, read a book, and just sat around and talked. We’ve spent hours together, or just 30 minutes of concentrated, undivided attention. As much as possible, our goal is to have a date time of some sort with them every other month.

The joy of having a relationship with our sons and daughters can sometimes be overshadowed by the weariness we feel through the daily parenting, teaching, leading, instructing and disciplining.

When we take the time to date our children, we renew the joy, strengthen our connection, open up our hearts to each other and allow God to draw us closer together. It gives us cause to rejoice as we see who our children are, and are becoming, apart from others, as individuals.

Let’s open up in the comments and share our successes and ideas for dating our kids. Here are some of our favourites!

Skating at a free outdoor rink, hot chocolate and a donut after
Gathering supplies for a craft or handiwork project and working on it together
Go on a scavenger hunt (book stores or libraries are great for this, or just look for specific things around your town)
Plan a special meal or dish to make, shop for the ingredients and create together

Play a game or read a book and discuss together
Go to the mall, or their favourite stores, get a treat, try all the sample teas at Teavana
Watch a movie at home or in the theater
Take them out for a special meal on their birthday (daddy does this for breakfast or lunch, the kids LOVE it!)
Do an outdoor sport of some sort (skiing, snowboarding, biking, rollerblading, skate boarding, paint balling, canoeing, whatever!)
Go on a trail hike and/or picnic
See a sporting event, play or concert together
Ask your kids what they want to do!

How have you made kid-dates work? What creative ideas have you put into practice to spend time pursuing the heart of your child?

Check out this Dates Ideas Pinterest board for some more great ideas!

It Can’t Wait: Teaching Our Children About God

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god_deserves_a_place

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I wonder, as families, are talking about the Lord very often? I mean, really, if I were to ask you if we should be talking about the Lord, you’d answer, “Yes, of course we’re supposed to be talking about the Lord!” However, when it comes down to it, it’s not as easy as it sounds, is it? It’s easier to put the Lord at the end of our day or at the end of our conversation, if we even remember Him at all.

Sometimes, we only mention His name when we need help. I think this is the common response— we we run to God only in times of crisis or emergency. Certainly, God is there in those times, but I wonder what our families would look like if we ran to Him on a daily basis rather than in times of crisis or struggle.

If you already have your Bible, turn with me to a familiar passage that most of you probably know. It’s in the Old Testament, in the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 6:5-7. This is what it says:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

A couple of years ago, my husband and I began a writing project called Firmly Planted. The heart behind this Bible study is to engage the whole family in the study God’s Word. One book, with activities and engaging questions for all ages. We began this project in response to something that we saw happening within the homeschool community, but as we spoke to our friends outside the homeschool community we began to see that many of us were struggling with the same thing. We talk a lot about walking with the Lord, but we are not doing anything proactively to teach and train our children in the ways of the Lord.

This may require a sacrifice of time and energy on our part as parents, but one thing is certain: if we don’t teach our children about God, the world will do it for us. We want our children to know the Lord, we want them to give Him the same place in our families that He holds in the universe. The Bible says that God is the Creator of all things.

So, as you consider your family, take a step back and ask yourself, “Are we studying the Bible as a family? Do my children see me reading the Bible? Do they know that God has a place in our family, that He is the most important part of our family?”

God deserves a place in your family, busy mom, and, you know what? He deserves first place. He deserves to be at the head of the table. Our children need to know that God is real and personal. They need to know that He loves them and wants to have a relationship with them.

Does this take effort? Yes, it does.

Someone asked me one time, “How do you make your children love the Bible?” I had to laugh a little as I remembered all the times that my children had grumbled and complained when we gathered the family for devotions. They would say things like, “Really mom? Do we HAVE to do that?” I’d like to say that it was perfect, but there were times where arguing was involved. Looking back, I can honestly say that the most important times that I remember with my adult children were when we were reading the Word and God really spoke to them in such a way that they began to see their relationship with Him in a personal way.

Let your kids see that God takes first place in your family. Although God deserves to have priority in the lives of your family members, don’t just do it for Him. Put Him first in your family for the sake of your family and you will find that there is tremendous blessing in walking with God.

My grandpa used to say,

“If you keep God outside of your family, there will be problems inside your family.”

Grandpa was right. We see this in our culture, too. Where we remove God, we struggle and suffer. Walk with God, busy mom. Spend time in His Word with your kids and then see what God will do.

P.S. Have you been enjoying these daily devotions in podcast format? I hope so—because I’m sure enjoying recording them! Let me know how you’re doing—and feel free to post questions, too! I hope these daily devotions are helping you get into the Bible on a consistent basis.

Fall Craft Keepsake

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I’ll be honest and admit that I am not a crafter. I want to be! I yearn to sew and knit and crochet. I want to be one of those moms who has a closet of craft supplies (which she knows how to use) at the ready. The mom who can make something beautiful out of a snippet of construction paper and a sprinkling of glitter. But I’m not.

I’m the mom with one small drawer of crayons, glue, and construction paper. Craft days are saved for “when we have time”…and we usually don’t. I don’t own a glue gun. And, until recently, mod podge was an intimidating foreign substance.

It’s not that I don’t like crafts, I love them. They excite me! However, crafts simply overwhelm me. Projects seem more complicated in my mind than they are in reality. However, I’ve learned a very special lesson that is helping me overcome my craft aversion.

Crafts are not about the project, the mess, the detail or even the outcome. Crafts are about making memories with your children.

When I look at it like that, crafts suddenly seem much more important. That’s why I’m making a conscious effort to add more crafting to our life. I want to make memories! So, for my first project, I decided to make an autumn keepsake with my son, not just another “craft”.

I love this keepsake craft for four very specific reasons. 1) It has variety! The different materials give it more depth. 2) It can be broken down into several smaller projects. We had 4 different days of crafting. 3) You can make this keepsake no matter what climate you live in, using whatever items you have outside. 4) It easily adapts to different seasons by changing the outdoor items you collect and paint colors.

Supplies:

Leaves or other outdoor items (autumn grasses, pine cone bits, pebbles, etc)
Waxed paper
Books for pressing
Metallic permanent markers (silver, gold and/or bronze)
2 sheets white cardstock paper
Foaming shaving cream
Scissors
Acrylic paint (autumn colors, red, orange, gold, green, brown)
Toothpicks
Rubber/silicone spatula
Mod podge
Paintbrush or sponge
Frame (your choice of size)

Step 1: We started with a “leaf walk”. The kids had a blast walking our property and collecting leaves of all different shapes, sizes and colors. If you live in a hotter climate, or your leaves have already dropped, collect pebbles, wide-leafed grasses, etc. You can even use brown, dried leaves if they’re not too brittle. Don’t forget to collect a few green leaves for contrast.

Step 2: Press the leaves between the pages of the books, lined with waxed paper.

Step 3: When the leaves are sufficiently pressed, carefully color them with the metallic markers. Get creative with designs. The colors really pop! When you’re happy with your leaves, set them aside.

Step 4: Using scissors, cut leaf shapes out of the cardstock. You can do maple, oak, or freestyle it! This is about memories, not perfection, right?

Step 5: On a piece of waxed paper or in a rectangular dish, spray a layer of shaving cream and smooth it out. Next, add drops of the acrylic paint all over. Then, using the toothpick, swirl the paint until it has the design and pattern you like.

Step 6: Press the cardstock leaves face down into the shaving cream/paint mixture. Let is sit for just a moment, then carefully lift out the leaves and lay them paint side up on a piece of waxed paper.

Step 7: Allow the leaves to sit for a minute or two. Then, using your spatula, scrape off the excess paint and shaving cream. Allow your leaves to dry well.

Step 8: Once everything is sufficiently dry, arrange your varying leaves on another piece of cardstock in any design you wish. Then, use the mod podge to glue the leaves securely. Apply a very thin layer with a paintbrush or sponge. Also, be sure to coat the tops of your leaves with mod podge as well. It will enhance the colors and give them a bit of luster! Dry well.

All that’s left to do now is frame your masterpiece. Ours is hanging (on proud display) in our living room. My son likes to gaze at it every so often and comment on the fun we had making it. And that’s what crafts are all about. The happy memories!

Are you a crafter? How often do you incorporate crafts into your home?

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love