Tag Archives: motherhood

I’m Sure She Meant Well

I often hear from moms who need some reassurance that their lives are going to go back to “normal” after having a baby.

Honestly? I’m not sure our lives ever return to “normal” after we have babies. It’s been nearly 23 years since my first introduction to sleep deprived living. “Normal” is still nowhere in sight. I forget things. I’m often tired.

I have to write things down on my TO DO list like “drink water.” Seriously.

If you’ve been reading my blog for very long, you know I’ve had a tough season. Last October, I said “thanks and goodbye” to my uterus. The following spring, another surgery followed. Some things just happen. You veer off course. Sometimes, you just have to roll with it, right? When you’re physically, emotionally or spiritually depleted, the word “margin” takes on new meaning. I find I’m grouchy and distracted when I don’t have enough margin in my life.

Take last week, for example.

It was supposed to be a quick trip to the store when my nearly four year old announced she had to go to the bathroom. I don’t know what it is about public restrooms that seem to draw my children in—but I believe store and restaurant bathrooms are at the top of their “must see” lists. It can never be a quick trip, either. Hey. I don’t want to be the mom who other moms overhear in a bathroom stall saying, “You better not be wanting to go poop right now!” (… yeah. That wasn’t me.)

We left the bathroom a little less put-together than when we went in, only to discover that the other two kids had decided it would be a good time to beg me for a “movie night,” thereby setting into motion the age-old “mommy guilt” complex that many of us take on too easily. It might go hand-in-hand with the weary “you must be kidding me right now” look.

“Movies are for Friday nights,” I said wearily. “It’s Tuesday.”

“But Mooooooommmmmm! You promised!” Really? Maybe I did—in a moment of weakness. I couldn’t remember though. I can never be sure, since they always get me on stuff like that. I was standing my ground, though, talking about our fall bedtime routine and schoolwork that needed to be finished when I noticed a woman was watching me from an aisle over.

Great. Now I’m a bad mom and I have an audience.

She smiled and I’m sure she meant well, but I was about to go all sorts of crazy when she said, “Savor this time” before ducking into the organic food aisle. Really, lady?

I almost cried as I put a bag of celery in my cart. I just needed a nap. Maybe a nap would fix it.

I’m sure she meant well—but honestly? She looked like she was caught up on her sleep. I didn’t notice green smoothie stains on her shirt. She seem to have showered recently.

I’ve been a mom for about 24 years now. With two grown daughters, I have experienced how fast the time goes. But that’s not always the point. Moms need a little grace. I think most moms are desperately trying to hang on to this season but there is a very real element of simply “surviving” it, too.

Yes. I want to savor every little moment. Like you, I imagine, I don’t want to be the mom who “just survived.”

So busy mom, when people like me or some random lady in the grocery store tell you to savor each moment you have with your kids, take it in stride. Yes, do savor it! But be ready for those not-so-savory moments. They don’t mean you’re a bad mother.

Mothering has its ups and downs. The trick, I think, is to keep your eyes on what you’re doing: you’re raising the next generation. Bottom line? You’re pouring out your life in this season so that your grandchildren will have good parents in the next.

While we do this work, let’s remember that some day, we’ll be in a different season. Hopefully, we’ll give grace to the tired mom we see with green smoothie stains on her shirt and instead of offering her advice, we’ll say a little prayer for her. Goodness knows she’ll probably appreciate the quiet prayer more than the advice.
Carry on, brave mother!

Exposing the Truth about A Homeschooling “Wonder Woman”

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It’s that time of year again. School is in session. I hear the air brakes of the school bus every morning around 7:15 a.m. and I get stuck behind the busses again if I leave home between 2:45 and 4:30 to travel into town on our rural back roads. Yep. School is back in session. Please, send coffee. Stat.

Now, I know that some of you think of me (erroneously) as some sort of Homeschool Wonder Woman … and, well— here’s the truth: I AM “Wonder Woman.” Don’t believe me? Allow me to explain:

I wonder sometimes about what life would be like if I put my kids back in school.
I wonder if I would have more “free” time (whatever that means) if my kids were in school.
I wonder if our lives might be easier if we just put the kids in school.
I wonder when I won’t have to teach long division anymore. (At this rate, I’ll be 67.)
I wonder why the kids don’t get up on their own. Instead, I have to get them up. Over, and over and over.

I wonder if there’s an easier way.

Here’s the thing: there’s isn’t an “easier” way. This life is hard—and nothing that’s worth doing in this life is gonna be easy. Including homeschooling. And that’s okay.

Let me put it another way: How could we experience His strength if we did keenly feel our own weakness?

It may surprise you to learn that I don’t wake up every day full of confidence and energy.

Instead, I wake up every day and reach for my Bible. I reach for the Living Water and drink deeply—because I know that the day will be full of opportunities for me to be selfish, afraid, impatient and unkind. I don’t want my children to always see me in acting in my flesh. Instead, I want them, and their descendants to see God’s Spirit poured out. I believe He desires us to see His Spirit poured out even through the humble act of homeschooling.

“For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.” Isaiah 44:3

Through God’s eyes, I can see beyond just surviving to days that are brimming with opportunities to be thankful. Each new day offers me the chance to watch my nine year old study a rock or see my thirteen year old interacting with his three year old sister. I can hear my Shepherd remind me that if I will let Him, God will renew my strength. Through His eyes, I’ll see more than my failures—I’ll see His strength giving me just enough to face that mountain in front of me.

He’ll do the same for you, precious mom. If you trust Him, then trust His word. Let His words fall fresh on your heart as you enter a new season:

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I’m no Wonder Woman. But, if you see any “wonder” in me, I hope you will see that the real wonder is Christ… gently correcting this sometimes weary mama and leading as I follow after him like the lamb that I am. We are all His sheep, in need a Shepherd, and in need of His leading. If God has called you to homeschool, He has already given you everything that you need. You can find inspiration in others, but your strength needs to be found in Him.

If you’ll look to Him to fill and guide you, I promise: the next “wonder” that He’ll do—will be in you.

Now, go find your cape. Mine looks a lot like an apron.

Celebrate Your Children?

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Are you being a help or a hindrance in your child’s personal faith journey? I can’t imagine that any parent would purposely be a hindrance. We all want what is best for our children, and have in mind what we think is the best way to accomplish all we want for them. Unfortunately, if we aren’t careful, we can actually be a hindrance and not even realize it. I don’t want that, I know you don’t either! So what’s a mom to do?

Take the time to reflect on how God parents you, and then turn around and do the same for your children! And how does God parent you? By lavishing you with grace. From the moment you are conceived to the very end of your life, you are showered with grace from your heavenly Father. He draws you to Himself, makes you His child, and carries you through each day. As a parent, we can purpose to stay connected to our Source of grace, and then we can be a channel by which God’s grace is shown.

We have the amazing privilege of being the very first people who will live out and introduce the gospel of Grace to our children!

Of course we love this concept, but what do you do when you find yourself in the middle of the daily grind of fussy babies, piles of diapers, willful two year old, sibling battles, loads of laundry, and all that comes with the daily in and out of raising children? At times you can find yourself stuck in survival mode.

You must prepare yourself to live a life of grace with your children.

The first, and most important thing is to be connected to the Source of grace! You must fight for time to be in the Word and prayer. Nurture your relationship with God. As we press in, and depend upon the Source, we are given what we need to face the daily stuff of life, and we also are provided with the ability to pour that same grace out onto our precious children.

Second, evaluate how you are viewing those precious people God has entrusted you with! Do you view them as kids you need to raise, or as precious, unique individuals that have been entrusted to your care for a few short years?

This is something that I am very passionate about! So passionate, in fact, that I wrote a book about it! Let me introduce to you:

Grace Gifts: Celebrating Your Children Every Day

Grace Gifts is not meant to be another book of standards for you to try and measure up to. It is not just another “to do” list for you to follow. My goal in sharing the things that God is so graciously teaching my husband and me is to encourage you away from rules and lists–and the striving and fear that go with them–and instead free you up to be encouraged to relax, to enjoy your children, and learn how to see them as the amazing individuals God made them to be. To encourage you to parent your children with grace.

We, as parents, have an amazing privilege and opportunity to teach our children what the meaning of grace is by putting it into action as we interact with them through every season of their lives, as we respond to them in the challenges of daily life–even when they resist authority, even when they make mistakes. As they navigate the battles of life, they need us to extend grace to them daily and celebrate with them in times of victory.

We give them a priceless gift when we choose to become their biggest cheerleader and support system. Celebrating our children and showing them the same grace we have experienced from our God helps us to view our kids as more than just our children who need to be raised, but as precious people who need to be pointed to Christ.

So why do we celebrate our children? Because our Heavenly Father celebrates us, every day.

And, like our children, we need His gentle reminders of grace that point us back to the cross. We see in Zephaniah 3:17, that God celebrates His children! We also see in Isaiah 62:5 that He rejoices over us “…as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” In the same way God rejoices over and celebrates us, we can rejoice over and celebrate our own children, showing them a picture of the Father!

Would you like to learn how to connect with your children and how to be their biggest cheerleader no matter what stage of parenthood you find yourself in?

Join me as I share practical ways in which we can celebrate our children, at any age, by lavishing them with grace, helping them to gain an understanding of what God does for each of us on a daily basis.

You can purchase “Grace Gifts: Celebrating Your Children Every Day” HERE! And please let me know if it is an encouragement to you!

Help for the Introverted Homeschool Mom

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With all the talk these days on introverts and extroverts I began to suspect that I, myself, might be an introvert. After digging around on line a bit, my suspicions were confirmed.

Signs That You May be an Introvert

Introverts are stereotypically shy and awkward. This is not necessarily the case. Introvertedness is more of a temperament, kind of like a personality style that just varies from person to person. The fact that introverts prefer quiet does not necessarily mean that they are shy. I personally really like meeting and getting to know people – just in small doses.

Might you be an introvert? Here are some common traits:

1. Introverts are easily overstimulated and prefer quiet, relatively unstimulating environments.

2. Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries.

3. Introverts find small talk tedious, preferring deep, philosophical conversations.

4. Introverts don’t like to be surrounded and will often sit at the end of a room so that they can easily get up and move.

5. Introverts shut down after being active for too long.

One can easily see after reading this list that an introverted homeschool mom is going to be particularly challenged by her occupation! Introverts are easily exhausted from too much stimulation, whether it be from being out and about too much or from being home with all. of. those. kids. So what is a loving introverted mom of many to do?

Helps for the Introverted Mom of Many

1. Implement a daily Mom’s Morning Routine. Carving out quiet time in a busy household requires some creativity and planning. Try setting your alarm for 1 hour before anyone else in the house wakes up. Although this may take some getting used to, this daily time of quiet helps me to get my batteries fully charged before the busyness of the day. With this time for morning devotions, prayer (and coffee) my tank is filled.

2. Implement a daily Quiet Time routine. In our home, every afternoon has a designated time of quiet where all members of the household are required to engage in mellow (quiet) activities. When kids outgrow their nap times – kids have ‘quiet time’ instead. Our older kids read or study during this time while our younger kids are in their rooms either sleeping playing quietly. There are all kinds of ideas online for fun quiet time activities if you need some ideas to get you started.

3. Keep white space on your calendar. After one too many exhausting days out running from one activity to another, I made an effort this year to keep my calendar clear. Learn to say ‘no’ to requests to commit to activities that may over extend you. Find carpools or kid swap, occasionally offering to take another family’s kids and vice versa) so that you can spend less time running around.

4. Engage your kids in conversations. You may be surprised at the thoughtful responses you will get. Discuss ideas that you have been thinking about or spiritual lessons that you have been learning in your own life. I find this to be a big part of my call to teach them as I go (Deuteronomy 6).

5. Play quiet, soothing music during the day. My favorite – baroque adagios. This style of music has even been associated with brain growth in those who listen to it.

6. Date nights and grocery shopping. I have been surprisingly refreshed by simple things like going to the grocery store alone or a weekly date night with my husband.

Motherhood can be exhausting whether you are an introvert or not. Carving out time for quiet throughout your day can be just the thing to keep your batteries recharged.

How about you? How have you managed being surrounded by noise while being a person who thrives in quiet?

Dear First-Time Mom Who Just Wants to Feel Human Again

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Dear First-Time Mom:

So, you’ve just had your first baby – congratulations! What a miracle of God and blessing from above these little ones are. You have now entered a whole new category of wonder and awe – and coming right alongside this beauty of God’s creation is bafflement and fatigue and wondering if you will EVER get this balancing act figured out. Welcome to motherhood!

Maybe you’re realizing that being a mom isn’t quite what you had thought it might be.

Maybe you (like me) were determined that your baby would sleep through the night (and NOT in your bed), get on a schedule, never need a soother, and feed like a champ.

Or perhaps you thought you’d be able to get out the door without forgetting the diaper bag, or the soother/bottle, and make it home again without needing to change your clothes.

But it’s not quite coming together as you had planned. There are too many baby books out there, yet not one of them warns you of the true toll those sleepless nights take on your body. Or describes just how difficult learning to nurse a baby is (for mommy and babe!). Or warns you that you’ll be doing laundry around the clock (for the rest of your life!).

Questions fly around in your head and heart: “Is it ok to let them cry it out, or should I pick them up when they cry?” “Should I rock them to sleep or let them sort it out on their own?” “When should I start solids?” And on and on.

All this heavy stuff aside, suddenly you’re just standing there in a bewildered state wondering WHEN on earth you are going to get a shower in and feel human again?!

Then you turn and look at the moms you know who have more than 1 child, a clean AND organized house, laundry done and kids in a good routine. And you are embarrassed that you can’t get your act together. How do they do it?

Whatever their answer may be, this is what I want you to hear:

You are making a tremendous sacrifice in giving of yourself for the child that God has called you to mother.

Whether you shower or not, get dressed or not, clean the house or not, take a nap or not, make dinner or not – you may feel frustrated at the apparent lack of progress, but know that you are sowing life and faith – for you are raising the next generation of God-followers! Every little thing you do for that sweet bundle is life to him or her.

Your gift to your child is yourself, your time, your love, your prayers and your care. And as God gives grace and your experience as a mom grows, the struggles that seemed so insurmountable and time consuming suddenly dissipate. They will be replaced, of course, by struggles of a different variety, but know still that everything you do is planting and watering LIFE.

There is much to be said for the fact that you just showed up today, and what may seem mundane, really does matter. Don’t worry about getting up before the baby – you’ll get there! Wiping another runny nose, changing another dirty diaper, nursing through another fever, feeding around the clock through another growth spurt. You are to be commended! You are a fantastic mom!

So if you can’t see your way through the early-morning-feed-sleep-deprivation-my-house-is-a-disaster-and-I’m-the-only-one-home fog, take heart in knowing that we’ve all been there; we’ve all cried over and, by God’s grace, eventually conquered the same struggles.

You WILL get things sorted out. Enjoy these early days – they too shall pass, and all too quickly.

Motherhood is not in vain, and as you have done it to one of these least of these, so you have done it to Christ.

And those moms with more kids than you that seem to have it all together? They’ve had more years to practice, and have different struggles now to conquer, so stop comparing yourself to them.

Now go grab your husband, hand him the baby (awake or asleep), and get that shower in! It’s time to feel human again.

You are loved dear momma!

photo credit Shelley K Photography

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom

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Are you a weary, overwhelmed mom who needs encouragement? No matter what season of life you are in, being a mom can be wearing. It’s easy to lose your perspective amidst all the emotional and physical demands of motherhood.

My prayer is that God would regularly remind me and open my eyes to the bigger picture of motherhood…amidst all the hard parts. That I would focus more on how much it has added to my life, than on how hard it is. Here are some things that God has reminded me about what it really means to be a mom!

10 Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom

1. You are never lonely. Enough said!

2. You gain a very important life role. You are given the privilege of helping to shape a generation. You are handed an opportunity to break unhealthy patterns that may have been present in your own childhood, and to help your children become capable, loving, individuals whom God will use .

3. You enter into an amazing, full-on sensory experience. There’s nothing like the feel and smell of a newborn, like the sound of an infant learning to laugh, or hearing your toddler sing at the top of his lungs. Nothing compares to the feeling when your little one fall asleep in your arms. As they get older, to be able to hear them express their own thoughts, and looking up to them when they have grown taller than you, or and when they wrap their adult arms around you and tell you they love you. There just NOTHING like it!

4. You have added motivation to take care of YOU. Having children gives you new motivation to take care of yourself physically, spiritually, and mentally. You do it because your children need you to and you want to be the best mom you can be. The result is that you feel better, and you have made the giant leap into to the reality that there is a purpose in life that is much bigger than you!

5. You experience a love you didn’t know existed. How do you describe how big the love is that a parent has for their children? How it saturates every single ounce of who you are. And then, if you have more than one child, the love is heaped right on top of that already overwhelming love that you didn’t know existed. It grows and it is what makes you a family!

6. As your children grow, you have even more to thank God for. When you see your child learning new things, it really does feel like they are the only children in the world who have reached those milestones. They learn to read, share, love, and serve. They grow into their giftings. And you stand back amazed at these little people and thank God for who they are!

7. You have built-in teachers. I have a degree in Bible, have taken a few seminary courses, and have homeschooled two children, but being a parent has taught me more than any course I have ever taken or taught. I have learned what Biblical discipline is and how it is best applied, have had the opportunity to pray for the fruit of the spirit in my life 24/7, and have had the opportunity to read the Bible out loud to little ears, over and over again. I have learned new things such as, the names of all the different kinds of rocks, the names of all the little weeds/flowers, how to play the game of soccer, and how cool it is to pick up random signs off the side of the road and fit them the bedroom decor (is that even legal?!).

8. You get to be a kid again. Think about it! You can relive (or even experience for the first time!) all the wonderful childhood experiences. You can watch your favorite cartoons, play games, play on the swings and monkey-bars, splash in puddles, and read aloud all your favorite childhood books! Oh…and don’t forget Disneyland!

9. You have more to laugh about. Kids are funny, especially when they are YOUR kids! No matter what age they are, there’s just something about the things that they do and say that can make you laugh like no one else can!

10. You learn to see life through another person’s eyes. Being a parent allows you to experience life on a richer, fuller level. As you see things through another person’s eyes, you gain fresh perspective. Children tend to live life to it’s fullest because everything is new to them. Our perspective on life changes from the moment we see that pea sized human being on an ultrasound, and continues to change as they grow into the amazing adults God turns them into.

Being a mom is an amazing privilege. A journey like no other. Won’t you join me in:

Make your own list of “Amazing Things That Happen When You Become a Mom”.
Take time to pray through the list several times a week, thanking God for the amazingness of motherhood.
Once a day verbalize to your children at least one thing that you love about being their mom!

“I will sing to the LORD,

because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

Psalm 13:6

For more mom encouragement, go HERE!

Do Moms Need Girlfriend Time?

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We wear many hats. We are wife, mother, sister, daughter, daughter of God, homemaker, maybe homeschooler, maybe even business woman, too. Of course we need to spend intentional time with our husband, our kids, on our house, for our business, and most definitely with God. We’re cutting up that Time Pie pretty quickly aren’t we?

But do moms need Girlfriend Time, too?

I’m going to give a big, honkin’, YES!

Remember when you were young, a gaggle of girls getting together giggling and guffawing the time away? Sleepovers were the best–staying up way too late having the best fun. Laughter is good medicine, and sharing laughter is where friendships are born, and sharing hearts after the laughter is spent is where friendships are cemented.

We need that.

I’m not saying we need that every day, and I’m certainly not saying it’s more important than Family Time or God Time. But we definitely need Friend Time, too.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)

More than that, we need good friendships with with women we can call sisters in Christ – women who are older and wiser than us, women who are younger and looking up to us, women who above all else seek to honor God with their lives.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 <– (Or in our case, “woman.”)

Thanks to technology, our great big world is also amazingly small. I can have and make friends all over the world. I can write them, call them, text with them, chat or video chat with them, email them, comment on their blogs, connect with them through Facebook or Twitter, and all sorts of wonderful things.

I have friends who I used to know well but who now live far away and I have really good friends who I have never even met.

I have friends who homeschool and those who don’t, friends from all walks of faith, friends who are single and married, friends from varying backgrounds and political stances – so much diversity.

Friendship is a good thing. But while we “stay connected” to our large circle of friends, let’s make sure that we make time to intentionally connect with that smaller circle of Christian sisters on a regular basis.

Yes, we can text and online chat, visit at church and talk on the phone – that all counts. But it isn’t nearly as good as the real thing, right? Hang out for an afternoon while the kids play in the backyard, sneak out once a month to go for coffee – something. It will vary depending on your circumstances. And while you’re together, share, love, laugh, encourage, and enjoy. A good time with a good friend is a refreshing boost wrapped up in a smile.

And let’s face it… while we’re in the trenches of motherhood, we need a refreshing boost every now and then, don’t we? We need moms who have gone before or who are in the trenches with us to say, “Yes! I get you!! Hang in there, we can do this!”

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a conference with a friend. The conference was wonderful. The fellowship we had on the drive down and overnight was just as wonderful. That’s not something we can do very often, but we can seek little ways to get fellowship with our friends in smaller doses more frequently. We should.

Because friend, I know motherhood is hard. It’s hard and wonderful and challenging and amazing and exhausting in more ways that one. But you know what? I get you! Hang in there. You can do this!

So what do you think?
Do you think moms need Girlfriend Time, too?

Background Image Source: Teacup Coffee Flower by Elizabeth Lindhag

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love