St. John Family Favorites: Thanksgiving Books for Families

Heidi's Favorite Things, MomStrong Parenting, , ,

Yes!  Leaves are falling, candles are lit. Cider abounds.  Bring it, holiday season! This year, maybe more than ever, I’m ready for some good old fashioned holiday rest and love. 🙂

I’m a little bit of a fanatic about Thanksgiving—because it allows us to be thankful for what we have without the pressure of gift exchanges. Thanksgiving offers us the chance to focus on what really matters in this life. To slow down. To reflect.

To be thankful.

Continue reading St. John Family Favorites: Thanksgiving Books for Families →

When Less is More: Encouragement for Homeschool Moms Going Back to School

Becoming MomStrong, Homeschooling, MomStrong Parenting

The school busses are running in my neighborhood again. And can I just be honest about something for a moment? This can be hard time of year for the “regular school” and “homeschool” moms to understand each other. Sometimes it can be downright depressing to watch other moms send their kids off to school. I know, I know— I CHOSE this. I get it. But still. Reality is reality—and homeschooling has it’s own reality. Good, but hard. Like all things that are worth it.

Listen. My best friend in the whole wide world sends her kids to “regular” school and so this is NOT a “dig” , it’s just a reality check.

This morning I saw a status from a friend who was “elated” to finally have her children back in school… she was going to the mall by herself to celebrate… oh the plans she had, 7 hours to herself every day! No messy house. Peace and quiet. I confess: I felt the familiar sting of jealousy mixed with a bit of angst about all that was ahead for me this fall.

After all, this isn’t my first rodeo! I’ve been at this for twenty years.

I looked around my house. Grandkids, cousins, siblings. Noise. (Some are even happy noises.) Messy house. Oh.So.Messy. And then, it hit me again: homeschooling is a MONUMENTAL COMMITMENT.

And it’s not for everyone.

Homeschooling families CHOOSE

—more messy house days

—more math

—less “me” time

—less “quiet” time

—less income, most of the time

—less trips to the mall…or anyplace else… alone 🙂

But here’s the thing.  IN RETURN, if we do not lose heart, if we stay the course, the reward far exceeds the commitment we’re making.

Why? Because in choosing many of the things on my “less” list, we’re also choosing MORE. Homeschool mom, you’re CHOOSING

—more involvement, which means more influence with your children

—more TIME with your children, which means more memories to cherish and to use the influence you have

—more childhood, thanks to just being home more

—more opportunities to shape hearts and minds

—more educational options to meet individual needs

—more interaction, more hugs, more TIME. Did I mention more time? Oh yes, I did.

—more flexibility.

So homeschool mom, you’ve got this.

When I think about it this way, my heart is strengthened. In this light, less really is “more”. There are no “easy” buttons for educating our children, no matter what we choose to do. But as homeschooling moms, you’re making a commitment to put your heart and soul into the lives of your children in a way that many people would not ever choose to do.

Will it be hard? You know it will. But it will also be worth it.

So take a deep breath, homeschool mom! Let’s embrace the opportunity we have been given and make the most of the incredible opportunity called the homeschool years. They really do go by quickly. <3

#hsjpodcast contest winners: Please e-mail Melissa with your mailing address by September 7 and we’ll get your swag on the way!

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Devastating Distraction: The Snare of Offense

Current Events

I hope you guys don’t mind if I cut right to the chase today… because this is important.

Do you know what happened last week while our nation was arguing over  Civil War statues? While demons were pouring gasoline on racial tensions in the US and re-igniting our deep offense toward the Confederate Army (I can’t believe I just typed that in 2017) Oregon Governor Kate Brown quietly signed the nation’s most devastating abortion bill into law.

Last week, just days after the horrible events in Charlottesville took place, Oregon made sure it’s position was secure as the most radical provider of unrestricted abortions in the nation.  Oregon’s House Bill 3391-B compels insurers, public or private, to provide a whole swathe of “reproductive services” free of cost and regardless of income, insurance type, citizenship status, or gender identity. Because the bill prohibits insurers from shifting costs to customers in the form of higher deductibles or co-pays, private insurers will be forced to eat the costs — or, more likely, to distribute them among their customers through higher premiums. Medicaid (read: Planned Parenthood) will receive an extra $10 million from the state to cover the procedures. That’s ten MILLION DOLLARS of Oregonians money going to the murder of innocent babies up to nine months gestation for any reason, including gender selection.

Of course, the major media outlets aren’t talking about this American tragedy. No, they’re too busy trying to stir up an angry debate about slavery that was decided during the Civil War.  It’s as if we have forgotten who won the war! The outcome of the Civil War determined that slavery in this nation will not stand. And indeed, it does not. Christians all around the world should stand in stark opposition to the evil that is racism—and certainly slavery—but can I suggest that something even more sinister than racism is at the heart of our struggle over statues?

It’s curious to me that old statues getting the attention of popular preachers and teachers while abortion, the horrific murder of babies in the womb that is happening now gets little to no pulpit time. Oregon says that they’ll use taxpayer money to fund your sex-change surgery and your gender-selection abortion… and all we hear is … nothing. The silence is deafening.  Where is the outrage over that?  Black women are aborting their babies at an alarming rate compared to every other culture in America and we want to march about statues? We are losing thousands of precious black women every year in this country. Feminists? Where are you?

The standard by which we measure offense as Christians needs to be re-calibrated, and fast.

We have lost our way, men and women of God! We have made an idol out of our right not to be offended. Tell me, what good is going to come of this? Do we really want to teach our children to march in the streets because we are offended over statues while real, live babies are callously ripped from their mother’s wombs?

Listen. Offense is a trap; a snare set by the devil to distract us from what really matters, and boy are we stepping on almost every trap the devil is setting right now. It seems that every time I turn on the news, another trap is springing shut. SNAP! Can you hear it, too?

The Bible teaches us that we should be on guard against the snares of the enemy. One of those is  the snare of offense. At the risk of boring you, I looked something up. The Greek word for “offense” is skandalon, which literally means the part of an animal trap where bait is hung! In other words, an offense is literally a trap.

We need to understand this deep in our souls and guard against it, because if we’re in a battle (and the Bible clearly says we are), it makes perfect sense that the devil would choose to use offenses to trap and enslave us. Satan lays all kinds of traps for us, and I’m convinced he hunts among the hurting. Think about it— when people offend us, we get angry and hold grudges. Grudges lead to unforgiveness, which leads to broken relationships, or in this case, racial division.

The fact of the matter is that many offenses are going to come our way in this life. When they do, we get to choose how we respond.  We can choose to not be offended. In Colossians 3:13, Paul reminds us that we should be “bearing with one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

And there’s more: while we’re allowing ourselves to get drug into the swamp of offense, a coup is taking place. We’ve forgotten to keep our eyes out for the REAL enemy. Our enemy, the devil, comes to steal, kill and destroy. Right now, he’s taking direct aim at destroying our unity in Christ.

Offense is one of the enemy’s most powerful weapons, and its primary purpose is to keep us from growing in power and strength in the Lord. Offended people are ineffective in the spiritual battle that we have been called to engage in, because when we are offended, we focus on our own pain, often at the expense of others. The devil uses the snare of offense to take us off the battlefield and ultimately out of the war. His goal: to sideline Christians who would otherwise be effective witnesses for the Lord.

A heart that is easily offended is in trouble. It’s a biblical truth that the pure in heart hear from God more readily than those who are full of bitterness: “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8, kjv). A heart that is full of offenses and unforgiveness isn’t a pure heart. If we want to hear from God, we have to refuse to allow offenses to rule and reign in our lives. Even big ones.

There’s no question: forgiving the big things is hard. But Jesus, who knows all too well the pain of rejection, doesn’t give us an option. He made it clear: we are to forgive anything against anyone.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

The next time you find yourself struggling with feelings of offense, ask yourself, “Does this offense warrant the emotional and spiritual energy I am giving it? Are there larger issues in play? Am I doing what Jesus commanded?” Jesus’ requirement that we forgive carries eternal consequences with it, and the devil knows it.
The devil loves it when we get drawn into offenses – because he’s got his sights set on a much bigger target: the human soul. He’ll use whatever he can to distract us from the goal of setting people free in Christ. And that’s the bottom line. Paul tells us to “be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3). It’s the Holy Spirit that encourages that unity in the body of Christ. “In one Spirit we were all baptized into one body — Jews or Greeks, slaves or free — and all were made to drink of one Spirit” (1 Corinthians 12:13).
Christians who proclaim Christ, cherish truth and love others should also pursue unity, because we have been designed by God to be ambassadors for Him: witnesses to the world of the love of Christ. The apostle John makes clear what our aim should be: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34–35).
We must stop making government our god and return to our first love. Until we do that, healing will elude this nation. John Piper said, “The bloodline of Jesus Christ is deeper than the bloodlines of race. The death and resurrection of the Son of God for sinners is the only sufficient power to bring the bloodlines of race into the single bloodline of the cross.”
Let’s not forget what our call really is: to bring the gospel to a hurting world. We can’t do that until we’re willing to let the gospel eclipse everything else in our lives.
That’s something worth marching for.

Forged in the Fire of Suffering

Faith

Suffering. There is something revealing about it. Something about visceral pain that says to the inner man, “Wake up and pay attention!” Something about feeling helpless in a waiting room that makes you realize how helpless you were before you ever got there.

We don’t ask to suffer, but it comes anyway—and when it does, you discover *for real* what you are made of and who you trust.

It’s been almost a week since our sweet nephew was involved in a devastating car accident that left him comatose and paralyzed with a severe brain injury. My heart is aching, at times, even breaking for my precious sister and her family. Words fail me. I put myself in my sister’s place. More hurt.  I find myself asking God for signs … *any sign*, if I’m honest, that says “I’m here. I’m doing something.”

We pray. We sing. We trust—we hope—and we wait.

Wait for an answer that will help us make sense of what seems senseless. Wait for the next MRI, wait for a glimpse of what God is asking of us. Wait for clear direction. Oh, the wait is excruciating.

This is a hard, hard road.

Last night, as I cried with one of my sisters on the phone, it occurred to me that I need to look beyond where Bobby is and begin to look at where my family is. There is so much more to the story than what social media can tell. Isn’t that always the case?

We are a large family… and we’ve been through a lot.  We love each other fiercely. But honestly? I’ve never seen my family like this. I’ve never seen such love, such unity, such hope. But then, we’ve never been so full of grief before.

Like most extended families, ours has struggled. Divorce, faithlessness, heartache. Prodigals. We’ve felt all of it, but nothing has done in our hearts what Bobby’s injury is doing. Nothing has come close.

God is using Bobby’s suffering to bring a supernatural healing, one that is being forged in the fires of suffering.

While we wait for Bobby’s healing, I give God thanks for getting our attention and reminding us of what really matters.

It’s love.

Because of Bobby, it’s bubbling to the surface in our family, in our community and in the larger body of Christ.

We trust in the goodness of God and know that He is working, even now. Not only is He healing Bobby, he is healing us.

That’s part of the miracle. While we wait the next step with Bobby, we will keep walking this out together. For that, I am grateful. I am grateful for the outpouring of prayer and love that is being shown to my family. I’m thankful that because of Christ, we do not fear death. I’m thankful to know that God is capable of performing heart surgery (you know, the soul kind) even while is holding and healing Bobby.

I’m thankful for you, Jesus. We praise you in this storm. Thank you that You’re fighting on our behalf. Thank you for the miracles we are already seeing—and ones we have yet to see.

 “You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.'”
2 Chronicles 20:17

#miraclesforBobby #prayforBobbyAsa #faith #jesuspeople #webelieve #godhasthis #thebusymom #heidistjohn

Good Thing My Pastor is Reading His Bible

Current Events, Faith

It’s 3:35 pm, and after a day of setbacks and frustrations, I finally opened my Bible to write today’s passage. James 1:5 is all about asking God for wisdom. Wisdom, I think, was telling me to ask God for His help at 6am instead of 2:30 p.m. today.
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Have you noticed how hard the devil works to keep God’s people from becoming students of the Word?
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I have. I think it’s by design. I think the devil knows that a Christian who isn’t in the Word is weak. I think satan is smarter than I give him credit for most of the time.
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I can only speak for my own “quiet time,” but I have a feeling I’m not alone when I say that every day, I fight with the enemy of my soul for time alone with the One who made me. I fight my flesh to spend time in the Bible. I go to war just to prioritize prayer over parenting.
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There’s always something that disguises itself as being more important.
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Laundry calls. Kids argue. Phone rings. To-do list presses harder.
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“I don’t ‘need’ to read the Bible today,” I lie to myself.
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And so, after a compulsory prayer, I turn my attention to more important, more urgent matters. School. Social media. Housework. Bills. Oil change. Grocery store. Meal prep. Bedtime. Start again tomorrow.
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After days of this, (sometimes months… if I’m really honest), I notice my ability to discern good from evil has been compromised. Little by little, my spiritual eyes grow dim. >>Maybe God doesn’t really care about this and that. Less controversy, please. More peace.<< Yes. Peace is what I want most. The demands of a culture that stands in stark opposition to what God says is right makes even the most seasoned warrior prone to discouragement, I tell myself—as I glance in the direction of my Bible.
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“Good thing my pastor is reading his Bible so he can tell me what I need to know on Sunday,” said a generation of Christians in crisis.

Finding Purpose in Pain

Faith, ,

This life can be so hard. I remember sitting with a precious woman who had a 2nd trimester abortion in 1974. We cried together as she shared about her ongoing battle with grief and regret. She still grieves for her baby—and for all the babies who have been horrendously taken from the safety of their mother’s wombs since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in 1973.

As she walks out her story, she is finding hope, healing and forgiveness—but still. It hurts. Long after the abortion, memories linger.  Like all of us who struggle with the consequences of sinful choices, the temptation to suffer in silence is great. Satan whispers, “You are beyond God’s reach.” Don’t believe it. Nothing is beyond His reach. God wants your life to sing of His faithfulness and redemption. Redeemed people allow their souls to breathe in God’s inner healing and allow His spirit meets us in the midst of our pain.

I remember another night, Jay and I had dinner with a dear couple who were nearing the end of watching their precious father succumb to Alzheimers. Tears flowed as we prayed for God’s peace to flood their hearts and home.

That same evening, I received the news that an amazing young husband had lost his battle with brain cancer. Even in their suffering, his family shared their story. They wrote on Facebook about what it’s like to feel God’s presence in ways they never dreamed. Reading their story reminded me again that this world is not our home. It encouraged me to keep walking. Keep praying. Keep trusting.

Trusting God when things are going well is one thing—trusting Him when things are hard is another.

As a woman who has experienced great suffering, I can tell you that my suffering has become my sermon. Why? Because like the people whose stories I shared briefly about here, I have learned that God uses even, no—especially suffering to bring about His purposes.

No one can minister to a woman who is considering abortion like a woman who lives with the regret of choosing one herself. I can’t touch the heart of that mom who is losing her husband to cancer like a woman who has walked that road and found God in the midst of her suffering. The woman who has been abused knows how to intercede for a victim of abuse in a significant way. There is power in the testimony of those who walk through suffering and use it to bring glory to the One who holds all things in His hands.

We may not be immune to suffering, but we do not need to fear it, either.

We do not need to be afraid, because we know that God’s heart toward us is always, ever, only good. Listen to these words from David:

GOD is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8-11 MSG)

As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is His love for those who fear Him. That’s our God. He does not waste anything. No bad decision, no illness, no suffering. He uses it all.

Your pain has a purpose. It is to glorify God.

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory” (Psalm 50:15 NLT).

I promise you—when I sit with a woman who is crippled by anxiety and plagued by nightmares from her past, God is getting glory. Why? Because I found God in the midst of my own struggle. He was there—and His redemptive work in my life has become my lifesong.

Does this make our suffering easy? No. But knowing that God is work behind the scenes brings purpose to pain. God will use whatever He wants to show off His glory: heaven and earth. Nations and presidents. Broken people.

Broken people? Hey wait! That’s me! It makes my heart come alive with hope to know that God wants to use even my pain and struggle. On the days when you don’t have the strength to fight, remember this: God is at work. You’re beautiful to the One who made you. You were made to sing a song of the redeemed. You are more than what is hurting you. You belong to God—and He is making all things new.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

 

5 Traits of a Strong Marriage, Because It’s Worth It

Marriage

We’re just gearing up for my speaking season here, which is always pretty challenging.  We meet ourselves coming and going for 4 months or so.  More than once, we’ve had a little hiccup at home when my husband reminds me that it has been a while since we had spent “quality” time together.  Sometimes I cringe.  Just one.more.thing. that I need to put on my to-do list.  I feel burdened.  Yeah.  I said that.  I’ll tell you the truth: balancing marriage and motherhood is not for the faint-of-heart.

But your family, your marriage is worth it.  Let me say it again: it’s worth it. Worth investing in. Worth fighting for. Worth every ounce of energy you can muster.

The truth is that our marriage is the most precious component of our home life.  Neglect it, and the whole family suffers.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: marriage needs to come before mothering.  

Before we get into books and schedules and the busy fall routines, let’s remind ourselves: our marriages matter.

It matters.  It matters to your children and to your grandchildren. It matters for the generations that will come after you.  Truth is: your children have a better chance of staying married if you stay married.  It matters.  They’re more important than homeschooling, busy mom.

Over the past 25 years, I’ve been blessed to know some amazing families. I’ve seen them weather some pretty harsh storms, too. While there is no formula for a strong family, there are some common traits that make a family strong.  The biggest one? Strong families have strong marriages. Strong marriage—strong family.

5 Traits of a Happily Married Couple

  1. Strong married couples spend time together.
    They realize that time is a commodity, just like any other, and they spend it on each other whenever possible. Working on the yard together, doing a project around the house, working out, reading, cooking—or just being.  Happy marriages require an investment of time.
  2. They have a spiritual commitment to the marriage.
    “For better or for worse” means something to couples who go the distance. They don’t give up when times are hard. They forgive each other. They have a sense of commitment that goes beyond today’s cultural norms.
  3. They solve problems together in a crisis.
    Rather than finger-pointing and manipulation, they put their heads together in times of crisis.  They recognize that their spouse is not the enemy—and they keep their eyes fixed what’s ahead, not what’s behind.
  4. They value sexual intimacy and fidelity.
    Inside a happy marriage, sex is not a one-sided pursuit. It’s a shared commitment.  A commitment to protect the marriage through nurturing sexual fulfillment and to keep the marriage free from anything that might damage trust or break faith.
  5. They communicate well with each other.
    Proverbs says, “Right words spoken in the right time are like apples of gold in a silver setting.” A strong marriage is marked by a commitment to good communication.  Happy couples can talk to each other about anything—even hard things, and do it in love.  Let love be your aim.

Your marriage is worth it.