When Your Best Laid Plans Fail

Becoming MomStrong

 

When it comes to making plans, I am second to . . . well, just One. Planning is in my DNA. I am a list maker and a lover of all things calendar-related. Just give me an idea and a deadline, and I’ll make it happen—that is, if only the universe would cooperate! I shudder to think of the thousands of my perfectly laid plans that have been completely derailed by everything from forgetting to plug in the slow cooker to getting in a fender bender on the way to the store.

The truth is, we can’t plan for everything. And perhaps more to the point, no one ever plans for a crisis. We don’t pencil-in “crisis” on the third Monday of the month. And yet, without fail, with the bases loaded and two minutes left, the phone rings, and voilà—you have a sick kid, someone has lost their job, a friend has devastating news.

This is where courage needs to step up to the plate.

The Bible says that we can make our plans, but ultimately the Lord determines our steps (see Proverbs 16:9). And some of those steps can be pretty painful to take. In my twenty-six years of mothering, I have lost a baby to miscarriage and wept beside the casket of a dear friend’s stillborn daughter. We don’t always get to choose what happens to the babies we carry so carefully inside us. We can’t always predict what a day will bring. But we are guaranteed of this: God will never leave us or forsake us. Ever.

And oh, how we need Him! God is the one who brings courage from the chaos and peace to the broken places in our hearts. Without the courage that comes from God, the spirit of fear can settle into the unseen places of a mother’s soul. So stay close to Him, precious mom! Get to know His Word. Memorize His promises. Don’t let that fear take root.

Every mom can identify with fear, but every mom can also identify with the antidote to fear we’ve been given. From the moment we know we’re bringing a new life into the world, something miraculous—even sacred—awakens in the heart of a mother: courage.

It takes courage to be a mother. Unplanned C-sections, unexpected diagnoses, illnesses, sibling rivalry, bad attitudes, and strong-willed children test the courage and resolve of every mother. But God uses all of these circumstances to help make us into the mothers He wants us to be.

I know it’s true, because this business of shaping little hearts is also shaping mine. Motherhood has exposed weaknesses in me I never knew I had, it has driven me to the limits of what I thought I could do, and it has filled my heart with hopes and dreams I never imagined for a future I can only entrust to God. There’s no doubt about it: becoming a mother changes everything. And even twenty-six years in, I’m finding I need fresh courage on a daily basis.

Let’s face it: this isn’t our grandparents’ generation. Choosing a Christ-centered life in a culture that rejects Christ is challenging the courage of many believers today. We are parenting in a generation in which fear is a driving force in our decisions. Standing for what the Bible says about marriage and human sexuality is growing increasingly unpopular as our culture moves away from the truth and toward moral relativism. As a result, Christian mothers today have to do something the previous three generations haven’t had to worry about: we’re preparing our kids to face rejection.

It takes courage to stand for the Lord in the face of rejection, but stand we must. The next time your children tell you they have been mocked or labeled for their faith or beliefs, remember that at the moment of our salvation, God Himself gave us an even more powerful label. We wear the label redeemed, and no one can relabel us! We are forever accepted by God.

If you’re struggling to find courage in the face of being rejected, look up—and point your children’s gaze to Jesus as you do. Courage is found where acceptance abounds: in Christ. MomStrong moms know who they are in Christ, and they refuse to allow the devil to lie to them. They rise to the challenge of the culture and, in the process, shape the hearts and minds of their children for the glory of God.

Yes, we are living in challenging times, but like Joshua, we have been called to “be strong and courageous.” This is an exciting time to be a Christian, because when faith finds its feet in this generation of parents and their children, we are going to see amazing things happen in the lives of God’s people.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

A Few Tips to Homeschooling a Wide Age Range

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One of the biggest challenges I find with homeschooling is scheduling it all in. Even if we don’t have a super set and outlined schedule, it’s still one of the biggest stressors when it comes to the homeschool year. I want to make sure I fit in everything, but I also want to make sure I’m not overwhelming anyone. I tend to let my kids lead in that realm of things, as far as how much they can do. I set the guide because we do need to cover certain things each year, but beyond that – it’s up to their ability and desire.

We usually end up doing much more than I had planned because my kids are eager learners and love to read. Often times at the beginning of the year I’m shocked at how much we have planned for the year. I believe that our relaxed approach to our schedule is a huge contributing factor to them having such a love of learning.

The next challenge is the wide age range of my children. My eldest is in 8th grade, then the next of my kiddos is in 1st, followed by my little one who is 3. I guess the three-year-old would be considered preschool or toddler school level.

As you can see, we have a pretty big age range. You might have more kids which might mean you have several kids in multiple different grades, more than I do.

So, how do we face head on homeschooling a wide age/grade range?

First things first

See if there is anything you can teach all of the kids together. For instance, if your 8th grader is studying American History, why not have your younger children study American history too? They don’t have to do it at the same intensity or depth as the older one, but they can still do it. Many curriculum options out there offer this flexibility to tailor their curriculum for older and younger students to use at the same time. But if they don’t have that option, you can easily relay the information to your younger one in a manner that they understand.

Next, keep your schedule super simple.

For us, this is essential. And as more of my kids are heading into school age, it’s been a huge life saver for us.

I have a rather untraditional schedule with my kids. It works for us and it helps me teach each of them according to their needs without feeling like I’m overwhelmed, overwhelming them, or missing anything.

My approach: I don’t teach every subject every day! That’s right. We have designated days for our more meaty subjects. This allows us to focus on one topic at a time and allows me to spread myself amongst my kiddos to give them the best attention I can.

So, how does this look you’re wondering?

Let’s say we do Math on Monday, History on Tuesday, Science on Wednesday, Language Arts on Thursday, and Foreign Language on Friday. That’s just a sample of what it could look like. Many wonder – but what about constant practice? What if they forget skills from one week to another until that subject day arrives?

Here’s how we prevent that:

Using the example above, Math would be taught on Monday. We would work through the lessons and then practice with our worksheets. I would work with the older student first and work my way down through the younger ones.

Then Tuesday comes along and we’re on to History, but before we start History we do another Math worksheet. Our math program offers 5 worksheets for each lesson so it happens to work well with our schedule. If that weren’t the case, I would simply create or find worksheets based on Monday’s lesson.

This way, they are refreshing and practicing their newly learned concepts all week, but just with a simple worksheet which takes maybe 5 or 10 minutes. They’ve taken the core of the lesson on Monday – leaving the rest of the week for practice.

Back to Tuesday, when we’re on History. After we do our Math worksheet we do our History lesson and discuss it. We do some map work and really dive in to any discussion questions that we may have. But we don’t just forget about it until next week. On Thursday we would have a brief discussion with my youngest about what we learned on Tuesday and I’ll have my big kiddo write down a paragraph or two. Catering to their capabilities.

This keeps things fresh in their heads, allows for time for it to really soak in for a day or so, and allows for me to see how much they have retained. It’s a super chill approach to learning that we have grown to love.

If this schedule just does not appeal to you, I have another suggestion. We’ve tried this method before and although we liked it, we went back to our one-subject-a-day method.

Work with your older kids first. They are more likely to have work that they do more independently than your younger ones, but may need you to either teach the lesson or at least assign them the lesson for the day should they be working on it independently. When my eldest hit 6th or 7th grade, she did a lot of her work independently and I would just grade her work and discuss it with her after.

Once you’ve finished with your hands-on lesson teaching with your older kiddos, move on to your younger ones. You’ll have the peace of mind that your older kiddos are working on their school work, which allows you time and focus to teach the younger ones.

Encourage independence as soon as they show readiness.

As I mentioned above, my eldest started doing a lot of her work indecently once she hit 6th grade, for sure by 7th grade. How did I know she was ready? It just got to a point where I realized she was ready to take a stronger hold of the reigns and work at her pace. She works much faster this way too. I think my schedule was holding her back a bit.

Total side note: This is something I just adore about homeschooling, my kids can begin to work at a pace that suits their learning needs and style so much sooner than they could in what’s referred to as a traditional school setting. But with homeschooling booming, I think traditional is changing.

Takeaways

Don’t try and teach each of them different subjects at the same time. If your kids are working on two different subjects at the same time, it should be independently. Stretching yourself into different subject directions AND grade directions will cause you to burn out.

Plan your schedule realistically. Don’t try and do every single thing every single day with each kid. It’s just not realistic. I like to think of it this way: in college, do you do every subject every day? Nope! So there is no harm in not doing every subject every day now either.

Work with the older kids first, then work with the younger ones. While you’re working with the older ones have the younger ones work on something like handwriting or maybe give something for them to color. I have a few connect the dots booklets for my younger kiddo. This keeps her busy while I teach her big sister, and helps her practice her numbers!

And finally, encourage your kids to begin working independently as soon as they show readiness. This is beneficial to them and their development. Taking ownership of their work is exciting and encouraging for them!

xoxo, Marlene
A Diligent Heart

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

The Power of a Praying Mom

Becoming MomStrong

 

Every season of motherhood offers new challenges and new chances for us to grow in our trust in God. When our children first come to us, our prayers are often for strength—strength to stay up one. more. night. with a sick child. Strength for the toddler-taming years. Strength to meet the physical demands of having little ones at your feet while juggling a home and a marriage and your responsibilities.

It’s tempting to feel like we’re in control when our kids are little. After all, we set the schedule, right? As our children grow, we still need to trust God, but the tone of our prayers changes. Things feel a little less in our control (because they are!), and we need wisdom. We need to trust that God will give us the right combination of grace and discipline to get to the root of heart issues rather than just concentrating on external behavior.

In the teen years and beyond, the season changes yet again. There are new challenges, new fears, and new opportunities to release our children so they can pursue God’s amazing plans for them. And we have even less control. I’ve poured out my heart to God many times as my children have stood at the precipice of adulthood because I realize even more acutely that the trajectory-setting decisions they’re making now are theirs alone.

In many ways, the teen years are the final stage of the parenting process. You go from clay (so to speak) to kiln, where the clay is set and ready to be baked and glazed. No wonder so many mothers of teens have that “glazed” look in their eyes!

It’s humbling to realize that your years of greatest influence and physical presence are coming to an end. But exciting years lie ahead, because the power of your prayers is just beginning to be realized! When mothers begin the season of launching their arrows into the world, an entire new kind of trust is required: trust that God hears and answers our prayers.

During this season, there are a few areas that are totally in your control. You get to choose to be surrendered to God. You get to choose to spend time in His Word. You get to choose to pray for your children. God’s love for His children is fierce. It’s tenacious. It’s powerful. It’s real. And when you pray for your children, heaven is moved into action.

Precious mom, did you know that there’s power in your prayers? There is! God says that when we bring our problems, sorrows, fears, and burdens to Him, He promises to help us pray with power: “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words” (Romans 8:26).

Did you catch that? The Holy Spirit prays for us. Now there’s something every mom needs—the Holy Spirit Himself going to God on our behalf. God is literally saying that the Holy Spirit will pray for us when we are weak. Whether you’re struggling with unbelief, doubt, fear, or sickness, His promise is the same. God wants to meet you right where you are. The key is to spend time with Him and learn to live in His presence. That’s when we experience His peace.

When it’s all said and done, a MomStrong mom doesn’t trust in her own abilities; she trusts in a strong, sovereign God.

Precious mom, I know how hard it is to trust the Lord’s plan when it unfolds so differently from the agenda we’ve so carefully mapped out. But in God’s hands, the trials that threaten to bring us down are the very things that can build our trust in Him.

You don’t have to perfect in this journey of faith; you just have to be honest. So join me in crying out to the Lord, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” The stakes are high—for yourself and for your children. When was the last time your children saw you on your knees before the Lord? Do they know from the way you live your life that God is trustworthy? Do they see you trusting God? Becoming MomStrong means that we learn to let go of the wheel because we would rather have God be in control than our own flesh. If you struggle with unbelief, if you wonder if it’s safe to leave your children’s struggles (and your own) in His hands, it’s all right. God understands. It’s in His heart to:

show you a good plan for your life (see Psalm 16:11)
give you rest (see Matthew 11:28-29)
replace your weakness with His strength (see Isaiah 40:29)
declare victory in your life (see 1 Corinthians 15:57)
give you peace (John 14:27)

Trust me. Better yet, Trust Him! He’ll meet you right where you are.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Finding Your Child’s Learning Style

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My daughter sat, if you can call it that, splayed wildly across two chairs and chatted light-heartedly about some birds she had seen outside her window that morning.

Curious, I questioned her, “Have you finished your math?”

Exasperated, I realized that she had barely made a dent in her assignment.

Hands up if this is going on in your home?

My daughter is not generally a willful or disobedient child. She is, however, a kinesthetic learner who really does need to move in order to learn well. Moving while she does her schoolwork helps her to think and remember. These days, now that I understand the impact of different learning styles, you will find her doing her schoolwork sitting atop a large fitness ball bouncing in a crazy fashion, and finishing her work in record time.

What are learning styles?

I never gave learning styles much thought until I began homeschooling my kids. I thrived in the traditional school environment (as do many teachers). Then I began to teach my dyslexic kids and my eyes were opened to a world of learning differences that I never knew existed.

A learning style simply refers to the way a person learns best. Everyone has a mix of learning styles, utilizing all of the senses, however many people find that they have a dominant style of learning. There is no right or wrong learning style – just different. Traditional schooling tends to focus primarily on reading and writing (a predominantly linguistic or verbal learning style) to gain and assess the acquisition of knowledge. The result has been that students who have other learning style strengths tend to do poorly with these methods, earn poor grades and bad reputations for being less bright than other kids.

This has been true in my life. I found growing up that I was very good at memorizing random information for tests. I could visualize the words on paper and during a test, could choose the best answer based on this picture in my head. However, I was quick to forget this information after the test and rarely acquired a good understanding of the subject. My dyslexic husband, on the other hand, did poorly in school, yet has a much better understanding of the flow of history and science than I, having weak memorization skills but strong skill in logic.

By recognizing and understanding our own learning styles, we can use techniques better suited to our unique families. This has the added benefit of improving the speed and quality of learning.

Seven Learning Styles

  • Visual (spatial): You prefer using pictures, images, and spatial understanding. Try using images, pictures, color and other visual media to help your kids learn.
  • Aural (auditory-musical): You prefer using sound and music. Try using sound, rhyme and music in your learning.
  • Verbal (linguistic): You prefer using words, both in speech and writing. Try to find ways to incorporate more speaking and writing in your teaching.
  • Physical (kinesthetic): You prefer using your body, hands and sense of touch. Try using touch, action, movement and hands-on work in your learning.
  • Logical (mathematical): You prefer using logic, reasoning and systems. Teach the detail behind behind concepts being taught as opposed to mere rote learning.
  • Social (interpersonal): You prefer to learn in groups or with other people. Try working on lessons as a group, find a study group and use role-playing concepts you are trying to learn.
  • Solitary (intrapersonal): You prefer to work alone and use self-study.

Research has actually shown that each learning pathway uses different parts of the brain. By involving more of the brain during learning, it is easier to remember what is being taught. This is often referred to as multi-sensory teaching.

If you are experiencing difficulties in your homeschool, you may want to go online and take one of the many free learning style assessments available.  And don’t forget to test your own learning style.  Sometimes our learning style as the teacher does not appeal to the learning style of our kids.  Understanding learning styles will help you to think outside the box and find a method that works for both of you!

Roadblocks in homeschooling are often an indicator that it is time to change things.  If your kids are struggling with their homeschooling, maybe it is time you considered the learning styles of you and your children.

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

 

When Good Moms Burn Out

Becoming MomStrong

 

Have you ever seen what happens to sleep-deprived drivers? They get into accidents. The same rule applies to motherhood: tired moms are prime candidates for burnout. Have you ever been done? You know, done, as in do-your-own-laundry-and-find-your-own-food kind of done? Me too. When I’m tired, here’s what happens:

I tend to avoid reading my Bible.
My house turns into a 24/7 movie theater (aka “video babysitter”).
Homework doesn’t get done.
Laundry piles up.
The slow cooker gets dusty.
The kids don’t get disciplined (just telling the truth here, people).
School doesn’t happen.
I stop shaving my legs. And showering.

And I don’t care. About any of it. When I’m near burning out, I tend to check out. I’m guessing that if we were having a tall pumpkin spice latte together right now, you’d be high-fiving me. Why? Because we’ve all been there.

Here’s the thing: the key word in burnout is burn. Burnout happens when we focus for too long on the wrong things, such as keeping up with the Joneses or saying yes when we should say no. We have to stay on top of these little flare-ups before they turn into full-blown brush fires. And it’s not just our individual homes and families we need to be concerned about. Look around: the entire battlefield is ablaze right now. Our kids can’t afford to have moms who are burned out and checked out. They need us to be all in.

God has given this generation of moms a special challenge: to train future warriors for the spiritual battle that’s unfolding around us. God is asking today’s mothers to be strong in the midst of an incredibly powerful cultural shift away from the truth of God’s Word.

It’s an awesome responsibility, and in all honesty, it’s daunting. Christian parents have the privilege and responsibility of teaching their children what it means to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His strength. The devil knows this. He knows that if the mothers of this generation are too exhausted to fight, they’ll be tempted to give up. Tired parents have a tendency to look for ways to relieve the stress of parenting by relegating their sacred calling to pastors and teachers. Simply put, when the going gets tough, many moms are checking out.

But MomStrong moms don’t check out. They check in—all in. One hundred percent!

Being all in starts with a personal commitment to recognize Jesus Christ as our source of strength. MomStrong moms need to prioritize their relationship with the living God in the same way they prioritize every other life-giving aspect of their lives. Think about it—just one day without water leads to dehydration. Well, our souls are no different. That’s why we can’t afford to go a single day without connecting with the Lord, either through His Word or in prayer. Doing so puts us at risk for spiritual dehydration.

One of my favorite verses is Isaiah 40:31: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Read that again. Now one more time. (It’s okay—I’ll wait. This is important.)

The prophet is pointing us to the source of all strength: the Lord! He’s reminding us that it is the Lord who renews our strength. Do you want to run and not grow weary? Drink from the living water! We were born to thirst for our Creator. Without coming to Him daily, we’ll eventually find ourselves weary, weak, and discouraged.

It’s no wonder the enemy is working overtime to discourage and deplete moms. Think of it this way: a mom who is too tired to pray and read her Bible is no real threat to the devil. A tired mom is more likely to let the Internet parent her children. She’s apt to miss the subtle signs of a child whose heart is far from the Lord. A tired mom is less likely to spend time with God, and without filling up at the source, she runs on empty.

Trust me, I’ve been there. You start out fresh and energized. You have everything under control. You nap when Baby naps. Friends bring you premade dinners so you don’t have to cook. Mothers-in-law stop by to help with laundry. You schedule date nights with your spouse. You might even arrange a spa day for yourself every couple of weeks. After all, there’s almost always a friend or a family member who can fill in for you for the afternoon. But then one kid turns into two (or three or seven) and all of a sudden, you’re in full-on mom mode.

In a blink, your life is nothing but carpools and Crock-Pots, from the moment you wake up until you lay your head down again at night. Date nights vanish. Sitters become harder (and more expensive) to find. Laundry piles up. And before you know it, you’re eating leftover tuna casserole three days in a row and wondering when you last washed your own hair.

Let’s face it: busy doesn’t even begin to describe most moms today. We’re often too distracted to even ask God for help with our daily challenges. And Satan loves it when we’re too busy to pray.

Why? Because a mom who is too busy to seek the Lord in prayer is easy prey for the devil! Peter warns that our enemy is like a “roaring lion” (1 Peter 5:8). And this lion knows exactly how to get to the heart of a weary mom and drag her into the brush. But consider this, precious mom: in the midst of all the Crock-Pots, curriculum, and carpools, God wants to be your shelter.

He wants to give you refuge from the chaos of the day. Take a drink of living water every morning, and stay in tune with the Spirit throughout the day by praying and listening for that still, small voice. Yours is an awesome responsibility, so don’t be afraid to go directly to the Lord when you need help.

Share your challenges with Him, day and night, and let Him be your shelter.

He is listening. He always will be.

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

Homeschooling Held Hostage

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I remember the day we decided pull our daughter out of school. The day we “made it public”—this decision to homeschool.

I.Was.Terrified.  Really.  My knees were knocking as I walked into our oldest daughter’s grade school.  I liked her teacher. I had no complaints, really, except that we knew in our hearts there was something missing.school

We longed for more.  More shared experiences. More tailored education. A greater focus on the Creator of the beauty that surrounded us. A desire to dig deeper into family life. More storytime. More field trips. Less rushing to go our separate ways every morning. More LIFE.

That was fifteen years ago. Our beautiful second grader is now a beautiful wife and is expecting her own child this year. Time goes by fast.

In the past fifteen years, we’ve seen a lot of changes in the homeschool community.  There is much more pressure being put on homeschoolers to excel academically. We’ve gone from a few brave moms who, without access to mainstream “curriculum”, managed to give their children an excellent education—but we’ve forgotten what made it excellent.

It was excellent because these moms had a vision for homeschooling—they weren’t trying to re-create school at home. They were simply being obedient to the One who had called them to be different. They knew that if He had called them, He would equip them. And they were right.

When I was brand-new to homeschooling, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I set up a classroom in our home—complete with desks like the ones I had in school.

We soon began to understand that those desks, however, were not going to work over the long haul. What we really needed was a comfy couch, where we could curl up and read about the life of a hermit crab named Pagoo or discover the mysteries of the Island of Capri. Yes, a couch was what we needed.

For years, I notebooked with our children. We took nature walks and studied the seasons together. We did copy work and read stories of brave men and women who followed God with an abandon that most only dream about. And we spent a lot of time on the couch.

My husband (the patience of this man knows no limits) hauled the desks back up the stairs and out of the house. We sold them at a garage sale in the spring of 1999.

And today, as I look closely at our homeschool, I have to ask, “What makes me different?”

It’s easy to be held hostage by the expectations of the world.

I see it all around me—and I feel it myself.  The pressure is enormous. Why don’t my kids know Latin?

Am I doing enough?

sydney_piano

Most of us took our children out of public school in search of something more, only to be hijacked by the world’s system—right there on the couches in our living rooms. We’re putting our kids into hyper-academic “homeschooling” programs and we’re allowing the pressure of the “what ifs” to determine what we teach our children. Yes. We’re falling for it.  Does this sound familiar?

We can’t read today, kids.  We have too much math to do.
Mommy would love to play with you; but you need to finish your schoolwork first. And don’t forget about yesterday’s work.
We’ll do that later, after we do school.
Where is your list of assignments from the co-op?


Our Bibles gather dust—or worse—become just another thing to check off of our curriculum checklist.

*   Read one chapter in Hebrews.  *check here when done*

So many homeschool moms today are suffering from burnout—and I get it. The pressure to do more is enormous. But I wonder … is all this “more” really what God had in mind when He called us to be different? Somehow, I don’t think He meant for us to bring our children home only to have our home life hijacked by a worldly philosophy of education. I don’t think God meant for us—or our children—to struggle under the weight of someone else’s idea of a “proper” education.

I think—just maybe—He meant for us to be free.

Free to read aloud. All day if we want to. Even with our high schoolers.
Free to draw and create.
Free to discover the beauty of Creation—unhurried—and without the expectation of a report that is due about our “discovery” at the end of the next day.
Free to forget about preschool.
Free to take a hot chocolate walk for no reason.
Free … to know Him more.

hot_chocolate

 

It’s hard to do that when we’re always on someone else’s schedule.

If you are being held hostage by a burdensome curriculum or a program that promises to get your kid into college—and if you’re wondering if this was really the life that God had designed for you, I challenge you to look at those first homeschool moms. They set the bar—and they did it without expensive “all inclusive” programs. They did it by faith. They did it because they knew God would provide for their every need if they would only trust Him to guide and direct them.

These precious moms found out that God is faithful. He can be trusted. His mercies are new every day.

His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

 

Ask Him what He has for you and your children.  If you are not experiencing the “life” you were looking for when you began your homeschooling journey, it may be that you’re not giving the Lord permission to lead you there.

I know—because for all my trying— and even after I have experienced the freedom that comes from a more relational approach to homeschooling,  I often find myself a hostage of homeschooling rather than a mom who is enjoying the gift that she has been given through homeschooling.  It’s easy, even for a mom who has graduated a few children, to wonder if she’s doing enough.

If you’re being held hostage today—ask the Lord to show you His heart for your homeschool.  Because in following Him, you’ll find the LIFE you’re looking for.

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

When You Feel Like You’re Failing, Look Up

Becoming MomStrong

 

Not long ago I was speaking about motherhood at a conference in Virginia. After three days of back-to-back sessions, I could feel myself getting tired. Jay and I had taken our kids with us for the speaking season, and this was the next-to-last stop on our four-month trip. Let me tell you, the grace was running out. Everyone was just getting on everyone else’s nerves.

Fifteen minutes before I took the stage, I was with our kids in the green room, making sure everyone had their lunch. The green room was about a ten-minute walk from where I needed to speak, and the walk included an escalator. I hate those things—they attract kids like mosquitoes to an incandescent light. I have more than twenty-six years of parenting under my belt, and I have yet to find a cure for the siren song of the escalator.

As we were making our way to the green room, I gave this word of caution: “If you play on the escalator, there will be huge consequences later!” Not a particularly eloquent (or specific) threat, but it was the best I could muster up after four months away from home. And because my word is law, they all naturally decided they needed to jump off the final step “one more time.”

Our fifth child was the last one to jump from the moving stairs of death. I watched as she catapulted her five-foot frame several feet into the air from the second step. Midway into her disobedient jump, she screamed. I suppose a good mom would have been concerned about an injury. Not me—I was just mad. I know, you wish I were raising your children.

“Mom! My hand hurts!” Summer wailed.

By this point, however, I was immune to wailing. As it happens, my mom was a pediatric nurse, so I took a lesson from her playbook, glanced at her hand, and very matter-of-factly said, “Looks fine to me. Now stop crying and finish your sandwich.” And then, just in case I didn’t appear callous enough, I threw in a final “That’s what you get for playing on the escalator.”

I was so irritated! Here I was, trying to get ready to speak in front of a standing-room-only crowd—on parenting, mind you—and I couldn’t get my own children to obey one simple request. I was so distracted by my circumstances that I forgot to gird up for battle. I forgot to pray. I let my flesh overpower my spirit, and do you know what I heard whispering in my ear the entire time I was speaking?

You’re failing. You can’t even get your own children to obey.
If these moms knew what you were really like, they would get up and leave.
You’re a bad mother. You don’t have anything to say that’s worth hearing.

I fought for every. single. word. that came out of my mouth that afternoon. No one seemed to know it, but I was in a full-blown war up there onstage. The voice of condemnation that spoke to my soul was almost audible, and it threatened to undo me.

Have you ever heard that voice? You don’t need to be a public speaker to hear it. The devil knows his audience, and he knows our weak spots. His goal? To cloud our vision long enough so that we lose sight of the true fight.

As long as we live on this earth, the voices clamoring to fill our souls with condemnation will persist. Weary, worn-out mothers are perfect targets for the enemy, and I was ripe for the picking that afternoon. You see, Satan is a master at making us believe that someone else could do our job better than we can. He knew exactly how to get to me that day, and he used my bad day to make me feel like a bad mom.

At that moment, I had a choice to make: I could accept the lies of the enemy and see myself through the eyes the accuser of my soul, or I could see myself through the eyes of my Jesus.

When the session ended, I made my way to the back of the stage and found a quiet place to pray. Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem as active as doing something, but in reality, there is nothing more powerful than bringing our whole selves to the Lord in prayer. God says that when we pray, He literally bends down to listen. That’s my Jesus. That’s my Savior.

Even today, tears fill my eyes as I remember His gentle words to me that day: You are loved. Loved when I lose my temper. Loved when I don’t meet someone else’s expectations for me, and loved when I do.

Precious mom, don’t let the enemy lie to you! If you believe the lies, you’ll be right where he wants you. Bad days do not make bad moms. God wants us to know His joy when we have good days—and He wants us to experience His grace when we don’t.

When we are assaulted by lies, we need to remember what and who we’re fighting for. Some days our biggest fight will be to see ourselves as God sees us. Because if God is for us (which He always is), no one—not even Satan himself—can stand against us (see Romans 8:31).

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.