The Power of a Praying Mom

Finding Your Child’s Learning Style

My daughter sat, if you can call it that, splayed wildly across two chairs and chatted light-heartedly about some birds she had seen outside her window that morning.

Curious, I questioned her, “Have you finished your math?”

Exasperated, I realized that she had barely made a dent in her assignment.

Hands up if this is going on in your home?

My daughter is not generally a willful or disobedient child. She is, however, a kinesthetic learner who really does need to move in order to learn well. Moving while she does her schoolwork helps her to think and remember. These days, now that I understand the impact of different learning styles, you will find her doing her schoolwork sitting atop a large fitness ball bouncing in a crazy fashion, and finishing her work in record time.

What are learning styles?

I never gave learning styles much thought until I began homeschooling my kids. I thrived in the traditional school environment (as do many teachers). Then I began to teach my dyslexic kids and my eyes were opened to a world of learning differences that I never knew existed.

A learning style simply refers to the way a person learns best. Everyone has a mix of learning styles, utilizing all of the senses, however many people find that they have a dominant style of learning. There is no right or wrong learning style – just different. Traditional schooling tends to focus primarily on reading and writing (a predominantly linguistic or verbal learning style) to gain and assess the acquisition of knowledge. The result has been that students who have other learning style strengths tend to do poorly with these methods, earn poor grades and bad reputations for being less bright than other kids.

This has been true in my life. I found growing up that I was very good at memorizing random information for tests. I could visualize the words on paper and during a test, could choose the best answer based on this picture in my head. However, I was quick to forget this information after the test and rarely acquired a good understanding of the subject. My dyslexic husband, on the other hand, did poorly in school, yet has a much better understanding of the flow of history and science than I, having weak memorization skills but strong skill in logic.

By recognizing and understanding our own learning styles, we can use techniques better suited to our unique families. This has the added benefit of improving the speed and quality of learning.

Seven Learning Styles

Visual (spatial): You prefer using pictures, images, and spatial understanding. Try using images, pictures, color and other visual media to help your kids learn.
Aural (auditory-musical): You prefer using sound and music. Try using sound, rhyme and music in your learning.
Verbal (linguistic): You prefer using words, both in speech and writing. Try to find ways to incorporate more speaking and writing in your teaching.
Physical (kinesthetic): You prefer using your body, hands and sense of touch. Try using touch, action, movement and hands-on work in your learning.
Logical (mathematical): You prefer using logic, reasoning and systems. Teach the detail behind behind concepts being taught as opposed to mere rote learning.
Social (interpersonal): You prefer to learn in groups or with other people. Try working on lessons as a group, find a study group and use role-playing concepts you are trying to learn.
Solitary (intrapersonal): You prefer to work alone and use self-study.

Research has actually shown that each learning pathway uses different parts of the brain. By involving more of the brain during learning, it is easier to remember what is being taught. This is often referred to as multi-sensory teaching.

If you are experiencing difficulties in your homeschool, you may want to go online and take one of the many free learning style assessments available. And don’t forget to test your own learning style. Sometimes our learning style as the teacher does not appeal to the learning style of our kids. Understanding learning styles will help you to think outside the box and find a method that works for both of you!

Roadblocks in homeschooling are often an indicator that it is time to change things. If your kids are struggling with their homeschooling, maybe it is time you considered the learning styles of you and your children.

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

When Good Moms Burn Out

Homeschooling Held Hostage

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I remember the day we decided pull our daughter out of school. The day we “made it public”—this decision to homeschool.

I.Was.Terrified. Really. My knees were knocking as I walked into our oldest daughter’s grade school. I liked her teacher. I had no complaints, really, except that we knew in our hearts there was something missing.

We longed for more. More shared experiences. More tailored education. A greater focus on the Creator of the beauty that surrounded us. A desire to dig deeper into family life. More storytime. More field trips. Less rushing to go our separate ways every morning. More LIFE.

That was fifteen years ago. Our beautiful second grader is now a beautiful wife and is expecting her own child this year. Time goes by fast.

In the past fifteen years, we’ve seen a lot of changes in the homeschool community. There is much more pressure being put on homeschoolers to excel academically. We’ve gone from a few brave moms who, without access to mainstream “curriculum”, managed to give their children an excellent education—but we’ve forgotten what made it excellent.

It was excellent because these moms had a vision for homeschooling—they weren’t trying to re-create school at home. They were simply being obedient to the One who had called them to be different. They knew that if He had called them, He would equip them. And they were right.

When I was brand-new to homeschooling, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I set up a classroom in our home—complete with desks like the ones I had in school.

We soon began to understand that those desks, however, were not going to work over the long haul. What we really needed was a comfy couch, where we could curl up and read about the life of a hermit crab named Pagoo or discover the mysteries of the Island of Capri. Yes, a couch was what we needed.

For years, I notebooked with our children. We took nature walks and studied the seasons together. We did copy work and read stories of brave men and women who followed God with an abandon that most only dream about. And we spent a lot of time on the couch.

My husband (the patience of this man knows no limits) hauled the desks back up the stairs and out of the house. We sold them at a garage sale in the spring of 1999.

And today, as I look closely at our homeschool, I have to ask, “What makes me different?”

It’s easy to be held hostage by the expectations of the world.

I see it all around me—and I feel it myself. The pressure is enormous. Why don’t my kids know Latin?

Am I doing enough?

Most of us took our children out of public school in search of something more, only to be hijacked by the world’s system—right there on the couches in our living rooms. We’re putting our kids into hyper-academic “homeschooling” programs and we’re allowing the pressure of the “what ifs” to determine what we teach our children. Yes. We’re falling for it. Does this sound familiar?

We can’t read today, kids. We have too much math to do.
Mommy would love to play with you; but you need to finish your schoolwork first. And don’t forget about yesterday’s work.
We’ll do that later, after we do school.
Where is your list of assignments from the co-op?

Our Bibles gather dust—or worse—become just another thing to check off of our curriculum checklist.

* Read one chapter in Hebrews. *check here when done*

So many homeschool moms today are suffering from burnout—and I get it. The pressure to do more is enormous. But I wonder … is all this “more” really what God had in mind when He called us to be different? Somehow, I don’t think He meant for us to bring our children home only to have our home life hijacked by a worldly philosophy of education. I don’t think God meant for us—or our children—to struggle under the weight of someone else’s idea of a “proper” education.

I think—just maybe—He meant for us to be free.

Free to read aloud. All day if we want to. Even with our high schoolers.
Free to draw and create.
Free to discover the beauty of Creation—unhurried—and without the expectation of a report that is due about our “discovery” at the end of the next day.
Free to forget about preschool.
Free to take a hot chocolate walk for no reason.
Free … to know Him more.

It’s hard to do that when we’re always on someone else’s schedule.

If you are being held hostage by a burdensome curriculum or a program that promises to get your kid into college—and if you’re wondering if this was really the life that God had designed for you, I challenge you to look at those first homeschool moms. They set the bar—and they did it without expensive “all inclusive” programs. They did it by faith. They did it because they knew God would provide for their every need if they would only trust Him to guide and direct them.

These precious moms found out that God is faithful. He can be trusted. His mercies are new every day.

His yoke is easy. His burden is light.

Ask Him what He has for you and your children. If you are not experiencing the “life” you were looking for when you began your homeschooling journey, it may be that you’re not giving the Lord permission to lead you there.

I know—because for all my trying— and even after I have experienced the freedom that comes from a more relational approach to homeschooling, I often find myself a hostage of homeschooling rather than a mom who is enjoying the gift that she has been given through homeschooling. It’s easy, even for a mom who has graduated a few children, to wonder if she’s doing enough.

If you’re being held hostage today—ask the Lord to show you His heart for your homeschool. Because in following Him, you’ll find the LIFE you’re looking for.

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

When You Feel Like You’re Failing, Look Up

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Not long ago I was speaking about motherhood at a conference in Virginia. After three days of back-to-back sessions, I could feel myself getting tired. Jay and I had taken our kids with us for the speaking season, and this was the next-to-last stop on our four-month trip. Let me tell you, the grace was running out. Everyone was just getting on everyone else’s nerves.

Fifteen minutes before I took the stage, I was with our kids in the green room, making sure everyone had their lunch. The green room was about a ten-minute walk from where I needed to speak, and the walk included an escalator. I hate those things—they attract kids like mosquitoes to an incandescent light. I have more than twenty-six years of parenting under my belt, and I have yet to find a cure for the siren song of the escalator.

As we were making our way to the green room, I gave this word of caution: “If you play on the escalator, there will be huge consequences later!” Not a particularly eloquent (or specific) threat, but it was the best I could muster up after four months away from home. And because my word is law, they all naturally decided they needed to jump off the final step “one more time.”

Our fifth child was the last one to jump from the moving stairs of death. I watched as she catapulted her five-foot frame several feet into the air from the second step. Midway into her disobedient jump, she screamed. I suppose a good mom would have been concerned about an injury. Not me—I was just mad. I know, you wish I were raising your children.

“Mom! My hand hurts!” Summer wailed.

By this point, however, I was immune to wailing. As it happens, my mom was a pediatric nurse, so I took a lesson from her playbook, glanced at her hand, and very matter-of-factly said, “Looks fine to me. Now stop crying and finish your sandwich.” And then, just in case I didn’t appear callous enough, I threw in a final “That’s what you get for playing on the escalator.”

I was so irritated! Here I was, trying to get ready to speak in front of a standing-room-only crowd—on parenting, mind you—and I couldn’t get my own children to obey one simple request. I was so distracted by my circumstances that I forgot to gird up for battle. I forgot to pray. I let my flesh overpower my spirit, and do you know what I heard whispering in my ear the entire time I was speaking?

You’re failing. You can’t even get your own children to obey.
If these moms knew what you were really like, they would get up and leave.
You’re a bad mother. You don’t have anything to say that’s worth hearing.

I fought for every. single. word. that came out of my mouth that afternoon. No one seemed to know it, but I was in a full-blown war up there onstage. The voice of condemnation that spoke to my soul was almost audible, and it threatened to undo me.

Have you ever heard that voice? You don’t need to be a public speaker to hear it. The devil knows his audience, and he knows our weak spots. His goal? To cloud our vision long enough so that we lose sight of the true fight.

As long as we live on this earth, the voices clamoring to fill our souls with condemnation will persist. Weary, worn-out mothers are perfect targets for the enemy, and I was ripe for the picking that afternoon. You see, Satan is a master at making us believe that someone else could do our job better than we can. He knew exactly how to get to me that day, and he used my bad day to make me feel like a bad mom.

At that moment, I had a choice to make: I could accept the lies of the enemy and see myself through the eyes the accuser of my soul, or I could see myself through the eyes of my Jesus.

When the session ended, I made my way to the back of the stage and found a quiet place to pray. Sometimes prayer doesn’t seem as active as doing something, but in reality, there is nothing more powerful than bringing our whole selves to the Lord in prayer. God says that when we pray, He literally bends down to listen. That’s my Jesus. That’s my Savior.

Even today, tears fill my eyes as I remember His gentle words to me that day: You are loved. Loved when I lose my temper. Loved when I don’t meet someone else’s expectations for me, and loved when I do.

Precious mom, don’t let the enemy lie to you! If you believe the lies, you’ll be right where he wants you. Bad days do not make bad moms. God wants us to know His joy when we have good days—and He wants us to experience His grace when we don’t.

When we are assaulted by lies, we need to remember what and who we’re fighting for. Some days our biggest fight will be to see ourselves as God sees us. Because if God is for us (which He always is), no one—not even Satan himself—can stand against us (see Romans 8:31).

Adapted from Becoming MomStrong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John.

When Your Homeschool Year Starts Off Crazy

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We started our homeschool year last week. It went great.

For one day.

Then the crazies came to visit. Interruptions. Crisis. Family stuff. Business stuff.

Something inside me knew it was coming. Every year it seems that something stops me from getting off to that great start that I’d dreamt of during those long uninterrupted periods of planning over the summer.

And then it happens – friends begin sharing their awesome back-to-homeschool photos and experiences on my beloved Facebook page. This is when it starts to get ugly inside my head.

Why, after 20 years of homeschooling can’t I figure this out? I encourage moms all summer long as a speaker at homeschool conventions! Shame on me! Guilt. Condemnation. Discouragement. I told you it was ugly.

One thing this long haul of homeschooling has taught me is that my God is faithful. I may be discouraged but I do not despair. 2 Corinthians 4:8 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not despairing.”

I head to the bathroom – many a busy mom’s prayer closet – and pour out my heart to God. He is the only one to go to. Only He knows why. There is no logical reason for my failure. I know how to plan and organize a homeschool. Only He has the answers for my aching heart.

As usual – I felt the Lord’s peace and presence. There is no shame or condemnation here.

I have peace, yet there is this part of me that hurts. That is when God reminds me that the pain I’m feeling is the idol I insist on making out of my kids’ education being torn down. God wants His best for me and my kids and that’s not going to happen if I insist on getting in the way.

Coming from a long line of highly educated people, God knew my propensity for making academics an idol. He has blessed me with 7 kids with dyslexia to make sure that never happens.

But I still try.

I still want to teach everything. Teach it well. Finish every page. Have my kids get A’s on all the tests.

And I still want my first week of school to go well. Is that too much to ask?

God is telling me that my homeschool is for His glory not for mine.

Honestly, looking back over my 20 years of homeschooling, I see so clearly that God has removed my signature from the lives of my kids. Sure I’ve loved them and fed them and done my best to faithfully shepherd them alongside my husband, but their successes are nothing about me – nothing but evidence of God’s amazing grace.

Every year I try to pick up the reigns again and make homeschooling and parenting about me – about what I can give and do and create out of these kids.

But, however much I want to be in control:

It is God that knitted them together in my womb. (Psalm 149)

God who has created them with purpose – since before the foundation of the world. (2 Timothy 1:8-9)

It is God that causes them to will and to work for His purposes. (Philippians 2:13)

Freshly humbled, I am able, once again, to let go of my grip and let my ideals, my plans, and my purposes go.

It’s a little scary and exciting all at once. Shouldn’t that be how it is when we walk with the living God?

If you are struggling with the back to school crazies, may I encourage you with the encouragement that I myself have received?

The baby is the lesson. Most of my homeschooling days have been filled with babies and toddlers in arms and underfoot. Even though my youngest is now five and a very enjoyable, mostly rational young fellow – I have grandkids! When the babies and toddlers are distracting you from your plans, remember that the baby is the lesson. Relax and enjoy them and show your older kids (who could otherwise be doing Math or English) that babies are a treasure. Show them how to love and enjoy that noisy, messy toddler. Mercy, kindness, compassion, service – that is the lesson for the day.

God is your Headmaster. We can plan and research all summer long but remember what God has to say about the plans of man. “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

It’s not about you. I know this is uncomfortable. Believe me. I know! Our homeschools are not for our glory. Look how quickly we finished our studies. Look at how well my kids did at the spelling bee. Look at all the great hands-on projects we’ve completed. Although there is nothing wrong with these things, they are not why we homeschool. We homeschool to raise kids to love and serve God and each other. Academic pursuits must be second to spiritual tasks.

God is faithful, Mama. If life is looking a little crazy today, step back and seek the One who has numbered your days. There is rest in knowing that He is perfectly aware of how much English you finished today and you are right where He wants you. And when others see your homeschool, though they don’t see a Pinterest perfect mama, they will see a family that is being perfected by what God is doing in their lives.

Marianne

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

Even When Our Plans Fail, God’s Never Will