Author Archives: Heidi St. John

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

Forged in the Fire of Suffering

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Suffering. There is something revealing about it. Something about visceral pain that says to the inner man, “Wake up and pay attention!” Something about feeling helpless in a waiting room that makes you realize how helpless you were before you ever got there.

We don’t ask to suffer, but it comes anyway—and when it does, you discover *for real* what you are made of and who you trust.

It’s been almost a week since our sweet nephew was involved in a devastating car accident that left him comatose and paralyzed with a severe brain injury. My heart is aching, at times, even breaking for my precious sister and her family. Words fail me. I put myself in my sister’s place. More hurt. I find myself asking God for signs … *any sign*, if I’m honest, that says “I’m here. I’m doing something.”

We pray. We sing. We trust—we hope—and we wait.

Wait for an answer that will help us make sense of what seems senseless. Wait for the next MRI, wait for a glimpse of what God is asking of us. Wait for clear direction. Oh, the wait is excruciating.

This is a hard, hard road.

Last night, as I cried with one of my sisters on the phone, it occurred to me that I need to look beyond where Bobby is and begin to look at where my family is. There is so much more to the story than what social media can tell. Isn’t that always the case?

We are a large family… and we’ve been through a lot. We love each other fiercely. But honestly? I’ve never seen my family like this. I’ve never seen such love, such unity, such hope. But then, we’ve never been so full of grief before.

Like most extended families, ours has struggled. Divorce, faithlessness, heartache. Prodigals. We’ve felt all of it, but nothing has done in our hearts what Bobby’s injury is doing. Nothing has come close.

God is using Bobby’s suffering to bring a supernatural healing, one that is being forged in the fires of suffering.

While we wait for Bobby’s healing, I give God thanks for getting our attention and reminding us of what really matters.

It’s love.

Because of Bobby, it’s bubbling to the surface in our family, in our community and in the larger body of Christ.

We trust in the goodness of God and know that He is working, even now. Not only is He healing Bobby, he is healing us.

That’s part of the miracle. While we wait the next step with Bobby, we will keep walking this out together. For that, I am grateful. I am grateful for the outpouring of prayer and love that is being shown to my family. I’m thankful that because of Christ, we do not fear death. I’m thankful to know that God is capable of performing heart surgery (you know, the soul kind) even while is holding and healing Bobby.

I’m thankful for you, Jesus. We praise you in this storm. Thank you that You’re fighting on our behalf. Thank you for the miracles we are already seeing—and ones we have yet to see.

“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.'”
2 Chronicles 20:17

#miraclesforBobby #prayforBobbyAsa #faith #jesuspeople #webelieve #godhasthis #thebusymom #heidistjohn

Good Thing My Pastor is Reading His Bible

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It’s 3:35 pm, and after a day of setbacks and frustrations, I finally opened my Bible to write today’s passage. James 1:5 is all about asking God for wisdom. Wisdom, I think, was telling me to ask God for His help at 6am instead of 2:30 p.m. today.
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Have you noticed how hard the devil works to keep God’s people from becoming students of the Word?
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I have. I think it’s by design. I think the devil knows that a Christian who isn’t in the Word is weak. I think satan is smarter than I give him credit for most of the time.
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I can only speak for my own “quiet time,” but I have a feeling I’m not alone when I say that every day, I fight with the enemy of my soul for time alone with the One who made me. I fight my flesh to spend time in the Bible. I go to war just to prioritize prayer over parenting.
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There’s always something that disguises itself as being more important.
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Laundry calls. Kids argue. Phone rings. To-do list presses harder.
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“I don’t ‘need’ to read the Bible today,” I lie to myself.
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And so, after a compulsory prayer, I turn my attention to more important, more urgent matters. School. Social media. Housework. Bills. Oil change. Grocery store. Meal prep. Bedtime. Start again tomorrow.
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After days of this, (sometimes months… if I’m really honest), I notice my ability to discern good from evil has been compromised. Little by little, my spiritual eyes grow dim. >>Maybe God doesn’t really care about this and that. Less controversy, please. More peace.<< Yes. Peace is what I want most. The demands of a culture that stands in stark opposition to what God says is right makes even the most seasoned warrior prone to discouragement, I tell myself—as I glance in the direction of my Bible.
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“Good thing my pastor is reading his Bible so he can tell me what I need to know on Sunday,” said a generation of Christians in crisis.

Finding Purpose in Pain

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This life can be so hard.

I remember sitting with a precious woman who had a 2nd trimester abortion in 1974.

We cried together as she shared about her ongoing battle with grief and regret. She still grieves for her baby—and for all the babies who have been horrendously taken from the safety of their mother’s wombs since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in 1973.

As she walks out her story, she is finding hope, healing, and forgiveness—but still. It hurts.

Long after the abortion, memories linger. Like all of us who struggle with the consequences of sinful choices, the temptation to suffer in silence is great. Satan whispers, “You are beyond God’s reach.” Don’t believe it. Nothing is beyond His reach.

God wants your life to sing of His faithfulness and redemption. Redeemed people allow their souls to breathe in God’s inner healing and allow His spirit meets us in the midst of our pain.

I remember another night, Jay and I had dinner with a dear couple who were nearing the end of watching their precious father succumb to Alzheimer’s. Tears flowed as we prayed for God’s peace to flood their hearts and home.

That same evening, I received the news that an amazing young husband had lost his battle with brain cancer. Even in their suffering, his family shared their story. They wrote on Facebook about what it’s like to feel God’s presence in ways they never dreamed. Reading their story reminded me again that this world is not our home. It encouraged me to keep walking. Keep praying. Keep trusting.

Trusting God when things are going well is one thing—trusting Him when things are hard is another.

As a woman who has experienced great suffering, I can tell you that my suffering has become my sermon. Why? Because like the people whose stories I shared briefly about here, I have learned that God uses even, no—especially in suffering to bring about His purposes.

No one can minister to a woman who is considering abortion like a woman who lives with the regret of choosing one herself. I can’t touch the heart of that mom who is losing her husband to cancer like a woman who has walked that road and found God in the midst of her suffering. The woman who has been abused knows how to intercede for a victim of abuse in a significant way.

There is power in the testimony of those who walk through suffering and use it to bring glory to the One who holds all things in His hands.

We may not be immune to suffering, but we do not need to fear it, either.

We do not need to be afraid, because we know that God’s heart toward us is always, ever, only good. Listen to these words from David:

GOD is sheer mercy and grace;
not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
so strong is his love to those who fear him.
(Psalm 103:8-11 MSG)

As high as heaven is over the earth, so strong is His love for those who fear Him. That’s our God. He does not waste anything. No bad decision, no illness, no suffering. He uses it all.

Your pain has a purpose. It is to glorify God.

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory”
(Psalm 50:15 NLT).

I promise you—when I sit with a woman who is crippled by anxiety and plagued by nightmares from her past, God is getting glory. Why? Because I found God in the midst of my own struggle. He was there—and His redemptive work in my life has become my life-song.

Does this make our suffering easy? No. But knowing that God is at work behind the scenes brings purpose to pain. God will use whatever He wants to show off His glory: heaven and earth. Nations and presidents. Broken people.

Broken people? Hey wait! That’s me! It makes my heart come alive with hope to know that God wants to use even my pain and struggle. On the days when you don’t have the strength to fight, remember this: God is at work.

You’re beautiful to the One who made you. You were made to sing a song of the redeemed.

You are more than what is hurting you. You belong to God—and He is making all things new.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
(Isaiah 40:31 NIV)

Breathing in His grace with you,
Heidi St. John

5 Traits of a Strong Marriage, Because It’s Worth It

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We’re just gearing up for my speaking season here, which is always pretty challenging. We meet ourselves coming and going for 4 months or so. More than once, we’ve had a little hiccup at home when my husband reminds me that it has been a while since we had spent “quality” time together. Sometimes I cringe. Just one.more.thing. that I need to put on my to-do list. I feel burdened. Yeah. I said that. I’ll tell you the truth: balancing marriage and motherhood is not for the faint-of-heart.

But your family, your marriage is worth it. Let me say it again: it’s worth it. Worth investing in. Worth fighting for. Worth every ounce of energy you can muster.

The truth is that our marriage is the most precious component of our home life. Neglect it, and the whole family suffers. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: marriage needs to come before mothering.

Before we get into books and schedules and the busy fall routines, let’s remind ourselves: our marriages matter.

It matters. It matters to your children and to your grandchildren. It matters for the generations that will come after you. Truth is: your children have a better chance of staying married if you stay married. It matters. They’re more important than homeschooling, busy mom.

Over the past 25 years, I’ve been blessed to know some amazing families. I’ve seen them weather some pretty harsh storms, too. While there is no formula for a strong family, there are some common traits that make a family strong. The biggest one? Strong families have strong marriages. Strong marriage—strong family.

5 Traits of a Happily Married Couple

Strong married couples spend time together.
They realize that time is a commodity, just like any other, and they spend it on each other whenever possible. Working on the yard together, doing a project around the house, working out, reading, cooking—or just being. Happy marriages require an investment of time.
They have a spiritual commitment to the marriage.
“For better or for worse” means something to couples who go the distance. They don’t give up when times are hard. They forgive each other. They have a sense of commitment that goes beyond today’s cultural norms.
They solve problems together in a crisis.
Rather than finger-pointing and manipulation, they put their heads together in times of crisis. They recognize that their spouse is not the enemy—and they keep their eyes fixed what’s ahead, not what’s behind.
They value sexual intimacy and fidelity.
Inside a happy marriage, sex is not a one-sided pursuit. It’s a shared commitment. A commitment to protect the marriage through nurturing sexual fulfillment and to keep the marriage free from anything that might damage trust or break faith.
They communicate well with each other.
Proverbs says, “Right words spoken in the right time are like apples of gold in a silver setting.” A strong marriage is marked by a commitment to good communication. Happy couples can talk to each other about anything—even hard things, and do it in love. Let love be your aim.

Your marriage is worth it.

A Union of Two Forgivers

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It’s been said that “A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.” I couldn’t agree more. I know that my husband forgives me every day. Little things that I could’ve said better, mostly. 🙂 It’s amazing to me how I can be the most inconsiderate to the ones I love the most.

Over the years I’ve spoken to many moms about this, and it seems it’s a common struggle. Sometimes it’s easier to be kind to the woman at WalMart than it is to our own family. After all, the woman at the store might just haul off and kick me if I’m rude to her, right?! 🙂

I think we easily take our most precious relationships for granted, because we feel the most comfortable with the ones with whom our relationships are the most secure.

Do you need to be forgiven? Ask for it. Do you need to forgive? Don’t put it off.

Today, let’s purpose to TELL our husbands how much we love them. Remind your husband about those qualities in him that you love and admire. Flirt with him. <3 Invite him to bed for a change. Believe me, he’ll love you for it!

It’s never too late to invest in your marriage.
It’s never too late to forgive.

And it’s never to late to be forgiven.

Creamy Butternut Squash Bisque

Does Prayer Really Change Things?

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I’ve been taking so many things to the Lord in prayer lately.

Dreams of a homeschool resource center near our home.

Concerns over the future of our country. Elections that will determine the course of a nation for generations.

A desire to see my children “walking in the Truth.” Lord, help me live in such a way that my children learn to trust You!

Maybe it’s the fact that I have a five-year old and two grandsons, but the way the culture is heading has me concerned for their futures, too. The obvious spiritual decline in our churches and moral decay of the culture have become a point of regular conversation between me and God in recent months. More prayer.

By the way, it’s worth noting that my prayers are not always so high-minded. I routinely ask God to help me with the laundry, too. It’s easy to lose sight of the eternal significance that is found in the oh-so-daily tasks of life when bigger things that are totally out of my control feel, somehow, more pressing.

Dishes, laundry, clean up, prepare meals, repeat. Pray again. Begin again. Perhaps you know what I mean.

This morning, I had a chance to steal a rare moment of quiet in our busy household. I took it—opening up my bedroom windows to better appreciate the sound of the rain as it hit the roof and cascaded into the gutters.

Listening to the first real rain of the season is soul-watering for this native Oregonian. As the cool air filled my room, I noticed an old paperback by C.S. Lewis was sitting almost half-off of the bookshelf by my desk. After thumbing through “The Grand Miracle and Other Selected Essays…” I was drawn to an essay titled “Work and Prayer.” Lewis opens his short piece with this statement:

Even if I grant your point and admit that answers to prayer are theoretically possible, I shall still think they are infinitely improbable. I don’t think it at all likely that God requires the ill-informed (and contradictory) advice of us humans as to how to run the world. If He is all-wise, as you say He is, doesn’t He know already what is best? And if He is all-good, won’t He do it whether we pray or not?

The argument Lewis makes in his essay is powerful. He asserts that while God could predetermine every aspect of our lives, and while He certainly does not need our help … He chooses to let us have access to Him through prayer. Praying to our Creator offers “small creatures” like myself the dignity of being able to contribute to the course of events around us.

In other words: through prayer, we are able to modify the course of history.

Imagine it! The One who made the rain is, by His own decision, willing to let us bring our concerns to Him. He listens, as if to say, “let’s talk about it in My study.”

We can sway the course of events around us through our prayers.

He bends down to listen

Isn’t it amazing? We are heard by the One who made us every time we call His name. If we’re concerned enough to bring it to Him, the Bible says He bends down to listen.

Do you want to change the course of human history? Do you want to see revival and healing and miracles … and run your laundry through with a smile?

Take C.S. Lewis’ advice and meet Him in His study. Take it to the Lord in prayer.

And then—we’ll see.

Prayer Changes Things