Tag Archives: priorities

Dug Down Deep: Strong Roots, Strong Kids

Got Roots?

Not the “grow out” roots you get from an overdue visit with your hair stylist. The other kind.

The roots I’m picturing belong to the tree that is described in Psalm 1. When talking about what the righteous look like, David said this:

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.

Psalm 1:1-3

Can you picture those trees? They are strong. Their roots run deep. They’re anchored in rich soil. They’ve been carefully nurtured.

How? Well by a specialist, of course. An arborist, to be exact.

So what is an arborist?

Dictionary.com says this:

ar·bor·ist

noun ˈär-bə-rist

a specialist in the cultivation and care of trees and shrubs, including tree surgery, the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of tree diseases, and the control pests.

See if this describes your job as a busy mom:

Cultivation and care of your child— check!
Requires some heart surgery—mostly the “inner” kind—check!
Demands a diagnosis from time to time—and treatment too—check!
Preventative in nature—check!
Pest control? You know it!

Yep. I thought so. You’re an arborist.

If you’ve got kids, you’re an arborist. Only you’re tending to the eternal, not the temporal. You’re impacting the future, one tiny trim and watering at a time.

I’ve been privileged to watch some amazing arborists in my time. And guess what? They didn’t do everything right. But I’ll say this: they were intentional about caring for their little saplings. The best arborists are trees too, you know, and they have learned to bend so that they don’t break. They haven’t over-watered their young trees with the language of legalism. Instead, they cover their young with grace—and the occasional, necessary pruning.

Strong kids almost always have this in common: they’ve been patiently, tenderly, intentionally nurtured over time by parents who take their job seriously.

These parents—these tree-whisperers—are doing what is arguably the most important job on the earth: they are raising the next generation.

The world we live in is challenging. It’s easy for young saplings to get torn out by their roots when cultural winds blow.

And the winds are sure blowing now, aren’t they?

But strong trees—trees that are rooted deep in the rich soil of God’s truth and grace— are not blown about by the winds that surround them.

As a mother, it is comforting to know that God cares deeply, even more than I, about our young orchard. I don’t have to worry about what to teach our children about truth—since truth does not change. God has spoken to the really important matters already. He has told us how to love—and He has shown us how to love. We must love in spirit and in truth.

Is it tough? Does in rain in Washington?

I’m learning — sometimes the hard way — that I can be an intentional arborist without having it all together also. I don’t have to have every answer. But I must be willing and I must be rooted. Willing to put in the long hours, and willing to tend to my own root system: my marriage, my own relationship with God and my relationships with others. After all, strong roots—strong mother.

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

Get rooted yourself.
You’ll need fertilizer. God’s Word is the best there is!
Strong roots=strong mama. You can’t be like that tree in Psalm 1 if you’re not rooted first in the soil of the Bible. Spend time with the Lord each day. I like to read just a chapter each day in the Psalms and this year, I’m going through the New Testament. Don’t know where to start? Try the book of Philippians. You can’t go wrong.
Get praying.
Need wisdom? I sure do! Seems like each one of our seven children needed an entirely new set of instructions! Cookie-cutter parenting simply doesn’t work. Ask God specifically for the needs of your children. Name them. God made and designed them, so it makes sense that He would know what each child needs. Even that strong-willed child. Yeah. That one might require some extra prayer. I know my poor mother had her hands full with me! “Lord, help me shape this strong will for YOUR GLORY!”
Get the BIGGER picture.
Boy, is it hard to see past tantrums, late nights, long conversations, repeated instruction, consistent discipline, failure, disappointment. (And I’m just talking about my own issues here!) Goodness knows we’ve got to see the WHY or we can easily get lost in the oh-so-daily tasks of parenting. Mom, you are doing an amazing job. The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren. I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

The work you do now will yield a harvest of joy if you hang in there. Plant tenderly. Sow with love. Plant with the harvest in mind.

The harvest is coming, busy mom. As I watch my adult children interact with my little ones, I am reminded of how fast the years go. Indeed, the days can be long, but the years go by fast.

Know what I mean?

You sure look cute in those arborist overalls, by the way.

They suit you.

The St. Johns are the publishers and co-authors of Firmly Planted, a Bible study for the entire family. Check it out here.

5 Ways to Just Say {NO} to Drama

47 Replies

Oops. I did it again.

I didn’t mean it—never mind.

Yes, I did.

I knew when I vague-booked that little “hint” that so-and-so would eventually get it. And secretly, I hoped it would be sooner rather than later. I wanted her to know she hurt me. Secretly, I wanted to wound her back. I knew that if I called her out by name online I’d be fouled on a technicality—because that would clearly be wrong—so I did what any reasonable, mature, spirit-filled woman would do: I hinted about it on Facebook. Just a short statement. It looked innocent on the outside, yet truthfully it was anything but innocent.

As you can probably guess, it backfired.

And it created more drama for me than the drama I have every day simply by virtue of the fact that I have seven children. Trust me when I say that just having the seven children can generate enough drama in a day to seriously cripple most human beings. No kidding.

But for some reason, I just had to add another layer of drama. *sigh* Why?

For all the “keep it simple, sweetie” talk and all our good intentions to say we want to be examples for our children, we’re allowing the Internet to tempt us into exposing an ugly side of ourselves. It’s true. Have you seen it too?

Now let me be clear: I love Facebook. I love blogging. But it has an ugly side: The Internet has provided a new generation with the opportunity to practice a brand new form of passive/aggressive behavior—simply using vague, online hints. See if any of these sound familiar:

I need prayer. People are just so unkind.

I am asking the Lord to help me have a forgiving heart.

Hurt and frustrated, but moving on.

Seriously, people?

I need prayer to deal with a “situation”.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m pretty sure I’ve used all of these statements at one time or another in the past several years. And I see them floating around on other pages every day.

I have to ask myself, “What makes me different?” Am I doing what I know is right?

1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.

Are you tired of the drama? Me too, and here’s the thing: We need to stop this behavior. Or at the very least, we need to recognize we’re behaving badly by our little online jabs and begin to change our tone Why? Because it’s not solving anything. And it’s robbing us of peace.

Well, and it’s making us look like bratty children who can’t get along. Yeah. That too.

If you’re surrounded by or creating drama of your own, I get it. I’m a recovering drama mama myself. Here are five ways to help you just say NO to drama:

Listen. We need to become better listeners. Especially to that “still small voice” that we hear while we’re writing those drama-inviting posts. You know, that voice. It’s the voice we usually hear but choose to ignore.
Prefer others. This means that we consider the preciousness of the relationships around us, including—but not limited to—the person we’re hoping will see that “vague” post we wrote. In the same way we don’t need unnecessary drama, our friends who have no idea what in the world we’re talking about don’t need it either.
Stop trespassing. Sounds simple—but when you’re prone to trespassing (in other words, injecting yourself into a situation that you have no business being in) you literally invite drama. So, when you see a vague post, don’t reply. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Or, if you feel the need to reply, do it privately.
Be quiet. Do you remember “Stop, Drop and Roll?” This simple saying was taught to me when I was very young as a way to remember how to escape a house fire. The next time you are tempted to invite drama into your life, try this: “Stop, Drop IT, Roll on outta there” 🙂
Be intentional in your relationships. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” BOY. Ain’t that the truth. Let me just add, a “vague” word stirs up anger, too. If you feel the need to be vague because you are upset with someone, you probably shouldn’t be talking about it at all. And putting things like “I can’t believe some people” on Facebook—well, that’s not getting us anywhere.

Of course, there are many ways outside of the Internet that we can invite, stir up or even cause hurtful, unnecessary drama in our lives. Even good things can go bad if we’re not careful: prayer groups (where gossip is justified), moms groups… well, you can add your own. You know what I mean.

Bottom line: No Drama, Mama! If your heart races when you see a post on Facebook or on another Internet site,

STOP. DROP {it}. ROLL {on outta there}.

If you need to address something that should be private, do it privately. If you’ve been hurt, don’t put it on the Internet. Just say “no” to vague-booking. Season your speech with grace. And if you are in a relationship that continually pulls you into more drama, it might be time to consider putting healthy boundaries on that relationship.

While we will never be able to be totally drama-free, we sure can eliminate a lot of it by being intentional about our relationships.

As mothers, we have an opportunity to show our children how to be “drama-free” in their own lives by demonstrating how to do it. What a gift we could give them.

You can do it, busy mom!

I’m committing to being a “No Drama Mama.” How about you?

Pardon my dust. I’m creating a drama-free zone.
Heidi

Faith vs Formula

2 Replies

Good morning busy moms! You’ve made it to Wednesday! *Elmo says: “I’m proud of you!* 🙂 Today, I feel like the Little Engine that Could 🙂 Can you relate?

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and here’s the deal: I’m not gonna lie to you (I’m no good at it anyway.)

I know many wish that there was a formula for homeschooling or parenting that would produce the perfect result.

There isn’t.

There’s only faith.

I read yet another blog post yesterday from a young woman who grew up in a harsh environment and now blames her parents. 🙁 And I don’t know, maybe they were to blame.

But my hunch is that they were just two people who really did want to be the best parents they could be. My hunch is that that desire drew them into a formulaic style of parenting that was rigid and un-yeilding. Unfortunately, more often than not, it does not yield the desired “result”. It often produces rebellion and ends up tearing at the parent/child relationship instead of undergirding it.

Faith is harder than formula-it requires a daily surrendering of both my spirit and my will. It also forces me to look at my own weaknesses as a human being. When I hold those up to the light-well, let’s just say it gives me more grace for my children as I help them navigate the sometimes choppy waters of this world.

No great speaker or author is going to be able to give you ANY piece of advice that can replace the voice of the Spirit in your life. Listen for God’s voice today, busy mom.

And if you’re looking for a place to start, try the Bible.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

There may not be a formula-and that’s okay. We don’t need one, because we’ve got God’s word to guide and direct us.

Let’s pray for each other as we love our husbands and our children. Let’s pray that we might be kind, humble and gentle.

I’d say pray for patience too… but then I’d be signing up for a test of my patience so I’ll just leave that one “implied.”

But I will pray for JOY today. The kind that will help my children see how much I love them and how much I enJOY having them in our home.

I hope our kids remember that even though we didn’t get it all right, we sure loved them like crazy.

At the end of the day-it won’t be the bookwork or the math problems that will determine whether or not we get a passing grade on our parenting. It will be our relationships that determine what those end marks will be.

I choose joy.

all photos copyrighted by Sierra St. John

Redeeming Our Time

23 Replies

Time Flies.

Several years ago, I overheard a “celebrity” being interviewed on TV as I prepared dinner for our family. The questions seemed to center on her public life, and then, one question got my attention.

“If you could only say one thing to young mothers who are raising their children, what would it be?” asked the reporter. The woman thought for just a moment and replied, “Life is not a dress-rehearsal. You only get one shot at raising your kids. Don’t mess it up.”

Her voice cracked slightly, and I heard the familiar sound of missed opportunity in her tone. I wondered why. By all appearances, she had the “perfect” life. Beautiful children, lots of money, handsome husband. I put down my paring knife to focus on the remainder of her short interview. It turned out that she was estranged from two of her children. She lamented the fact that while she was raising her children, she and her husband spent so much time cultivating a “perfect” family, that they did not develop a relationships with their children that would last. It only looked good on the outside. And now, it was too late to start over. The time for raising her children had passed. She could only warn other mothers not to walk down the same path she had gone down.

The time for sowing seed had passed. The harvest was in.

It is hard to hear those kinds of words. My heart hurt for this mom. Naturally, I thought of my own children. Our oldest, who is now married and expecting her own child this fall was nearly 16 at the time—and even then, it seemed that it was just yesterday when we were holding her in our arms, in awe of her perfect features and scared to death that we wouldn’t do everything “just right”. I thought of my grandmother, who remarked to me just a few months after grand-daddy died that she was amazed at how fast her life had gone by.

Grandma said to me, “Heidi, the best thing you will ever do in this life is to love your husband and to raise your children to love and serve the Lord. Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that having children is anything less than the best thing you’ll ever do.” How I miss this precious lady! She was so wise.

I recently spoke to a group of women in Washington about the blessing of motherhood. It seems odd to me that many Christians have bought into the world’s way of looking at children. It must grieve the heart of God when we think of our children as anything less than a gift straight from the heart of the Creator Himself.

The Bible is full of stories of amazing moms who understood their worth before the Father. God’s word stresses the importance of mothers! In Exodus 2 we read about Jochebed, the mother of Moses. She protected her son, even putting her own life in peril, and then entrusted him to the Lord. Eunice, the mother of Timothy, instructed her son in the knowledge of the scriptures and he went on to have an incredible impact for the kingdom as part of Paul’s ministry. Read the books of Timothy and you will see Paul reference Timothy’s grandmother, Lois and his mother, too. They must have been amazing women!

In the United States today, mothers are under enormous pressure to conform to the world’s view of children. Radical Feminism has devalued motherhood in a quest for “greater meaning” and “true identity”. But God sees things much differently.

God’s view of children is a dramatic departure from the cultural norms of the world we live in.

The world says: “Children are a burden.”
God says, “Children are a blessing.”

The world says, “Try not to have more than two or three children. ”
God says, “Blessed is the man who has many children!”

The world says, “Children get in the way.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to ME.”

The world has diminished the high-calling of motherhood to little more than a “stop-over” on the highway of life.

But God says that a wife of strong character is rare – she is worth far more than jewels! (Prov. 31.10)

If you are a mother, you have an amazing opportunity every day to shape the future. As a homeschooling mom, you have even more time to influence the lives of your precious children. Homeschooling provides endless opportunities to teach your children about God’s love for them! Mom, your job is so important! You have been given the privilege of weaving a fabric of family life using the truth of God’s word to impact the lives of your children…

Ultimately, this fabric will be a beautiful tapestry that will bear witness to the power and love of the Lord Jesus as your children walk with the One who created them in your womb.

I’m glad I was reminded of the fact that life is not a dress-rehearsal. I’m thankful that my grandmother loved the fact that Jay and I chose to have a family that doesn’t fit the “worlds” mold very easily. The time does pass quickly. Let’s redeem the time God has given us to influence these precious children for the Glory of God. It’s an investment that yields a harvest of joy that will continue into eternity.

God is Present

We Hope—We Wait

25 Replies

“Good things come to those who wait.”

Boy, I heard this a lot as a child, this philosophy of waiting. It was preached from the pulpit, at school and yes, at home. It’s funny how you turn into your parents, pastors and teachers … eventually.

When I was young, I was always in a hurry to grow up. I remember thinking, “if only I could drive…” or “if only so-and-so would ask me out” … and then, I married the most wonderful man—and the “if onlys” began again. “If only we had more money”, “If only the kids would obey!”

Time is a teacher. At long last, I am discovering something about my if only attitude. In Romans, Paul was having a similar angst. Except he had the right perspective.

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Romans 8:25

In the quiet (read: before the kids awake), I let these words soak deep into my spirit. And a four little words speak to my spirit. “We hope—We Wait.”

Look closely. They come before and after “for what we do not have.”

We live in a world that is desperate for hope. Entire {successful} presidential campaigns have been built on the word “Hope.” It is a powerful word. It holds a promise that is unique to the one who hears it.

What are we hoping—and waiting for? Some weighty things come to mind—

Raising children is really an exercise in hope. Each day requires renewed patience and discipline as I wait to see the beginnings of buds appear on the branches of those little saplings I have planted oh-so-carefully with my husband. The promise of fruit that will appear —the hope—that if I plant with the harvest in mind, and if I nurture these little souls—and if—I can ask forgiveness … there.will.be.fruit.

We hope—for what we do not yet have.

We wait for it—patiently

… when we’ve said “no” for the trillionth time
… when we are challenged repeatedly
… when the gentle correction seems to not be working
… when the toddler just will.not.stop. whining
… when the math lessons are wearisome
… when I am weary from the oh-so-daily reminders:

“your school books don’t go there”
“yes, it’s your turn to unload the dishwasher”
“please treat your sister with kindness”
“stop arguing with each other…please …. now … STOP!”

Many moms fall into bed each night exhausted and discouraged—for little change is seen in the day-to-day challenges of raising children.

Real change is incremental. It is a decision of the heart.

So we wait—with hope—for what do we do not yet see.

And we don’t give up. And we love with a fierceness that burns brightly on long winter days.

And—we keep waiting—because we believe the promise.

Good things come to those who wait. And just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, so fruit trees don’t mature overnight.

One day, I am learning, the effort begins to bear fruit. Children grow up. They get married … and… I’m also discovering that eventually, they make ecstatic grandmothers out of tired mamas.

There will be fruit. Plant with the harvest in mind.

Be encouraged,
heidi

4 Ways to Invest In Your Marriage Today

10 Replies

I love being married. I really do. But it’s not always easy and it always requires nurturing. I speak to moms all the time about making their marriage the priority relationship at home because the fact is simply this: most marriages do not end because of adultery … they end because of neglect.

Over 24 years of marriage, I have learned some valuable lessons. I’m still learning, truthfully. Every time I make a mistake or stumble, it’s an opportunity to learn something. 🙂 Here are four things I have found to be foundational in my marriage—and they’re things you can start doing TODAY.

Live Entwined Lives. I talk a lot about this in my first book, The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Romance. Entwined living is the opposite of something I call “parallel living.” It means that instead of just being “roommates” with our husbands, we purpose to be intentional about doing things together. For some of us, it comes easily. When I first started living this principle with my husband years ago, it was difficult. Our lives were being pulled apart in so many ways … the church pulled at us, with it’s myriad of weekday activities, work pulled us apart, school activities and obligations left little time for meaningful interaction and eventually, we found ourselves with a so-so marriage instead of a great marriage.Entwined living means we live like that cord of three strands that Solomon talks about in Ecclesiastes. Our lives weave in and out of each other’s space and time through meaningful interactions, activites and a commitment to intimacy in our marriage. For more on this principle, check out the Guide to Romance.

2. Remember that Marriage Comes Before Mothering. This means that your marriage needs to be the priority relationship in your home. It should take priority over all your other relationships. I hear from moms every week who are so weary that the idea of spending any “extra” energy on their husbands is overwhelming.And I get it. Motherhood is demanding. It’s often 24/7, diapers, dishes and discipline. It’s enough to bring a woman to her breaking point. That’s part of the reason I’m so passionate about moms encouraging other moms. We need each other! Only a mother can truly understand the demands and pressures of another mother.

But here’s the thing: we can’t let motherhood rob us of one of life’s greatest blessings—and that’s a healthy marriage. I’ve often said that I believe the marriage comes before mothering. I’ve taken some heat for it, because some take that to mean that I don’t care about the kids. This is not the case. Here’s why:

The marriage is the primary relationship at home. Many moms believe that their children should come first; after all their husbands are grownups! I understand the reasoning behind this, but I believe it’s based in a misunderstanding of God’s design for marriage.

The intent of the mom who puts her children before her marriage is noble, but it lacks vision for the greater picture of a truly healthy family.

Have you ever heard a flight attendant as she instructs passengers before take off? She’ll say something like, “In the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, SECURE YOUR MASK FIRST BEFORE ASSISTING YOUNGER PASSENGERS.” This is because everyone knows that if the parents pass out from lack of oxygen, the child is rendered defenseless in most cases.

Your marriage is a lot like this situation. Think of nurturing your marriage in the same way you might think of securing an oxygen mask to yourself and your husband. Breathe life into your marriage every day. Keep your marriage physically and emotionally healthy.

If we create a child-centered home to the neglect of our marriage and the marriage falls apart, or if we only give the marriage 50% of the oxygen it needs, the marriage will suffer. And the children of that marriage will suffer too.

3. Make Intimacy a Priority. How can we do that as busy moms? Here a few ideas to bring the “wow” back into your bedroom: 🙂

Take time to unwind at the end of the day. A quiet bath with some wonderful smelling Epsom salts is high on my *love this* list.
Prepare yourself mentally for intimacy. Think about your husband. What do you find attractive about him? What is it about him that brings a smile to your face? Most husbands don’t need this “mental” preparation. 🙂 They are like microwaves. We are like crock-pots. Think 6 hours on low. 🙂
Talk to your husband. What does he need? Does he know what you need in order to be more available for sex? Sometimes, just talking about what we need is the key. For example, it really blesses me and helps me unwind when my husband puts the kids to bed while I try to unwind from the stress of the day. Talk to your husband. He’ll be happy to hear that it matters to you.

4. Be a trustworthy friend. Be the kind of friend to your husband that provides for emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Share your dreams. Nurture his dreams. Have shared dreams and goals and go for them together.

Want to read more great blog posts on marriage? Visit FulfillingYourVows and check it out … they are doing 14 Days of Fulfilling Your Vows right now and it includes a chance to win some great books on marriage. Check it out!

Marriage was God’s idea, busy mom!

Nurture your marriage—it’s one of the best things you will ever do for your children!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love

Tag Archives: priorities

Dug Down Deep: Strong Roots, Strong Kids

ar·bor·ist

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren. I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

5 Ways to Just Say {NO} to Drama

Faith vs Formula

Redeeming Our Time

God is Present

We Hope—We Wait

4 Ways to Invest In Your Marriage Today

ar·bor·ist

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist? Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren. I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.