Tag Archives: motherhood

Entrusted to Your Care: Be the Mom

Let’s talk about children today. Go ahead and open up your Bible to Proverbs 22:6. This is a verse that we have all heard before, but, if you haven’t highlighted it or underlined it, now would be a good time to do that.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I love the imagery of Scripture, because as I read verses in Ephesians and Matthew and again in Proverbs, we read over and over again that it is the parents responsibility to train up their children. It’s not the responsibility of the school, the pastor, the church, community (or the village); the responsibility rests solely on the parent.

That is an incredible task!

One of my favorite verses is Luke 6:40. It says, “When a student is fully trained, he will be like his teacher.” There is probably another way you can look at that. When a child is fully trained, he’ll be like his mother or his father: he will be like his parents. That’s why we say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It really is true.

We need to take our job as parents seriously and train our children in the way they should go. The Bible says that the person who does that is blessed. Need more convincing? We read in Psalms and again in Jeremiah that the person who follows the Lord and obeys Him is like a “tree that is planted by a stream of water who yields its fruit in season,whose leaf doesn’t wither, and whatever he does prospers.” (Psalm 1) Isn’t this what we desire for our children?

If you are struggling to get your children to obey you today, I want to encourage you! I know it’s hard, but keep at it! Training your children is more important than schoolwork, it is more important than school, actually. Training your children is more important than that grocery trip you need to make; it’s more important than that phone call you need to make. It trumps playing on the Internet.

A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from a friend who was struggling with disrespect from her 12 year old son. We were going back and forth exchanging ideas and perspectives. Twelve years old can be tough; it’s is an age where the discipline method that we used to use doesn’t always work anymore. My friend was realizing that her son was coming into a different season of his childhood. All I could do was pray for her, because I didn’t have the answers she needed. This seasoned, capable mom was navigating the sometimes rough waters of parenting. We all need to learn to do it. Our kids are counting on it.

It’s humbling (but also freeing) to realize we don’t have all the answers. Be encouraged, busy mom. You can do this job you’ve been given. God says He calls us to the task that we have have before us. In other words, He knew, even before she even had that little boy, that she was the perfect mother for him. It’s an awesome thing to realize that our children have been entrusted to us.

Entrusted. It’s a powerful word. It means we are being trusted with something precious. Moms who see the power of being entrusted with children love them by giving them boundaries, by teaching them, by disciplining them, by correcting them and by giving them unconditional love.

Often, it’s easier to just “let things go.” After all, parenting is exhausting. It’s a marathon of never-ending questions, refereeing, guiding and forgiving. Do the harder thing, mom. Don’t give up on the oh-so-daily job of redirecting and correcting and guiding your children. The results of your investment will be worth it.

Love your kids, busy mom. But remember—you’re the mom.

Be the mom.

Love and train up your kids.

You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have

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Do you have teenagers in your home? If you do, chances are that you have experienced tension in those teenage years.

The Bible says that our children are like arrows in a mighty warrior. Let’s look at Psalm 127:3-5, it says,

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

I have been talking about parenting for a long time, not because I have it down–I don’t–not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, the older I get and the older my kids get, (now we have a couple of them that are young adults and one of them is married and has a son of her own) I realize how much I really don’t know and how very dependent on the Lord I am.

I worry sometimes when I see so many parents making decisions for their teens in order to keep them “safe” rather than teaching them to depend on the Lord and seek them for themselves. We are not teaching them to develop their own set of internalized Biblical convictions: a set of standards that they derive from the Bible, so that when we are not around them, they are capable of making good, moral, and wise decisions.

We have been talking to parents awhile now about inconsistency in parenthood and consistency in your walk with God. Remember when I talked about the Firmly Planted Bible series that Jay and I wrote for families? The reason why Jay and I wrote those is because we are seeing so many families who are giving their kids rules but they are not directing them to Scripture. It’s easy to parent our children out of fear and not even realize we’re doing it.

Teenagers, especially, need to understand the boundaries that God has set for us in Scripture. As parents, we have to know God’s word.

I want to encourage you today to spend time with God. Read His Word for yourself. Often times, we do not know how to use the Bible to guide us in matters of everyday living, and our own lack of knowledge is keeping us from teaching our children to live in a Biblically wise way.

It’s easy for me to get tired and neglect my own time with the Lord. Maybe you can relate. If you are parenting your children from a spiritually dry place yourself, remember this: you can’t give them what you don’t have. If you don’t have a walk with the Lord, if you don’t have a clear understanding of God’s Word, or a love for His will, or a clear method of reasoning with Biblical convictions, your children won’t have that either.

We should be teaching our children to love, serve, and follow the Lord, so that they can stay away from the two spectrums that the world defines as religion. There’s a ditch on either side. We always tell our kids; the one ditch is legalism–where everything is bound by law and things done by rote. The other side of that is pervasiveness, where we say, “Well, it doesn’t matter, everyone’s truth is different.”

Both of those are not Biblical boundaries. A true believer decides that the Lord is in charge of his life and willingly lives inside those boundaries, he does not live testing them. Often times we find our children testing them and I’ve noticed some things in the life of our own children, and, frankly, in my own life, that our convictions are based on the truth of God’s word. We must have those convictions in our hearts, and in order for me to impart those to my children, and to do what the Bible says in Deuteronomy, to train my children to love and follow the Lord, I have to be doing that in my own life.

When you think about what the most important thing is you can do for your children, think of it in the context of how you can help them walk with the Lord. I am convinced that it is so important to define the concept of conviction and personal responsibility in our children within the framework of God’s Word.

So, take them back to His Word–over and over again. Don’t simply give them someone else’s sermon on CD. If they have a question that you don’t have an answer to, it’s okay to say, “You know what? I don’t have the answer to that. But God does. Let’s pray about it.”

Be a place where your kids can be a sounding board and get to know God’s word yourself in a personal way, because you can’t give your kids what you don’t have yourself.

Timing {really is} Everything

Time for Mom to Look Fall Fabulous

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The clock is ticking as the Mad Scramble to Be On Time (or at least not very late) ensues. Kids are dressed, brushed, buttoned, polished and spit shined when Mom finally throws her hair up in a messy bun, splashes some water on her face and shoos the kids out to the car. Later at church, she catches herself in the bathroom mirror and thinks, “Wow, I really look like a mess.”

Can you relate?

This scenario has played itself out in my house countless times over the past ten years or so. With two little children to ready for church, a new post baby body shape, and clothes which no longer fit right–getting to church or even the grocery store looking half as good as my kids became a serious challenge. And then I had a third one, my boy, and for a while.. all bets were off.

I was being a great mom, spending the time and effort to get my kids dressed and hair fixed, teeth brushed and looking their best. But I wasn’t being a great ME – my wardrobe was a mess, I wasn’t leaving myself enough time, and I looked as “not together” as I felt inside. If you’ve never felt this way, praise the Lord! If this is you, read on sweet mom, there is hope.

Now that my kids are older and responsible for their own appearances, I have been working on my own. What I’ve learned is that I could have made some of these changes years ago. I didn’t have to play the role of Disheveled Mom! And by the way, Disheveled Mom is not a good representative for Great Hubby and Awesome God. Disheveled Mom needs to go! As we move into my favorite all of “fashion seasons”–the Fall–let me share four tips for kicking Disheveled Mom to the curb.

Time For Mom to Look Fall Fabulous

Be Wise With Your Time

Time is the most important factor. First, spend regular time with the Lord — that’s always the first factor. Time spent keeping your house and laundry in order is a close second — when I feel disorganized on the inside I look disorganized on the outside. (And if most of my clothes are dirty, it’s very hard to look put together.) Third, prepare ahead of time by getting your clothes ready the night before. And fourth, don’t underestimate the amount of time it will take to get you and a houseful of kids ready to go somewhere! Leave yourself plenty of time.

Gather Basic Wardrobe Staples

Make it EASY to get dressed by building a wardrobe base of mix and match staples. My favorite staples in my closet are my black sweater dress, a good pair of straight legged jeans and skinny jeans, a gray knee length skirt, a pair of black leggings, and some black capris. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on these– scour the resale shops and the sales like I did. Never ever buy something you don’t completely like and feel comfortable in. If it’s not quite the right size, shape or shade – skip it! Build your base of staples as you have the time and money for it, add in a variety of colorful tops, skirts and dresses, and it will be really easy to pull an outfit together without spending a lot of time on it.

Accessorize!

Accessories are my favorite part. In my book, there are three essential fall fashion accessories: boots, scarves, and sweaters. In addition, headbands, hats, fall flats, tights, purses and a great coat are important, too. I love, love, love my gray fall boots and my red patent leather flats, not to mention my teal scarf and my purple purse. Again, you don’t have to spend a lot of money and you don’t want to buy things that aren’t you or that you don’t love. Little by little, add to your accessories and organize them in a way that is easy to see, grab and go. Same with your jewelry. Your goal is to get in and get out.

The Finishing Touches

Something I learned a long time ago is that even a basic ponytail can look “fixed and polished” if you take a few minutes to make it look good. What I’m saying is that your hair doesn’t have to look fancy to look fixed. If I’m running short on time, a clean, brushed ponytail or fresh messy bun is the way to go. I have also learned how to do a basic makeup application in about three minutes – perfect for running to the store or over to a friend’s house. It’s not overdone, but I look like I took the time to care about my appearance, and that’s really all that is important here. Take a few minutes to look like you took that few minutes, and that will go a long, long way.

Don’t Worry About It

This isn’t about vanity. I’m not promoting getting caught up in self appearance or worrying about how you look. Moms, we aren’t supposed to worry about how we look! There is nothing wrong with looking put together and nice. As we run our errands, visit with friends and go to church…we represent our family, our husbands, and our God! Disheveled Mom does not speak well of them.

Not only that but we also need to take care of ourselves, eat well, get enough sleep, wear clothes that fit, take care of our skin and teeth– I want you to have the tools to do that, and look like you’re doing it. And again, Moms, that biggest tool is time. In the past, I wasn’t taking the TIME to take care of myself. Moms, it’s time to do that. And if you build a smart wardrobe and prepare ahead, it won’t take a lot of time on those busy mornings to look fabulous this fall.

Image Background Source: Single Red Shoe by Vera Kratochvil

Mending Relationships

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Do you have a relationship that needs mending?

Sometimes we have fights in our house. I hate to break it to you guys, but my home is not always calm and peaceful (shocking, I know!). There have been many times when we have needed to mend relationships in our home.

I want to take us to James 4 today. The first part of James 4 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don’t get it? You kill and covet but cannot have what you want, you quarrel and fight, you do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

It’s interesting to me that the more I get to know the Lord, over and over again God says the same things throughout Scripture. He says, trust me, talk to me, put down your flesh, and dwell and live in the spirit.

If we continue to read in chapter 4:6, we read, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” God opposes the proud, and gives grace to the humble.

If you are in the process of needing to mend a relationship in your life today, be willing to seek forgiveness for your own actions. As parents, we need to be humble and not lording our position over our children. Humility opens a child’s heart. When I can go to my child and say, “You know what, I’m sorry, I could have done that better,” it’s amazing the response I will get, as opposed to saying, “You need to apologize to me.”

Several years ago, I had an instance with one of my daughters- a hardness of heart- and I was having a hard time getting through. I asked the Lord to give me a specific grace for this particular child, and I felt like the Lord was telling me, “Tell her that you need her grace for you. Ask her to pray for you.” I went into her room and I was tucking her in bed for the evening and we said our prayers together, I said to her, “You know what sweetheart? Mom is struggling with these things…” I could almost see her heart begin to soften as I told her some things in my own life (like pride and fear) that I was struggling with. It was almost as if my willingness to expose a tender part of my heart made her hear tender towards me.

So if you have the opportunity to, seek forgiveness from your children if you need to. Children want to forgive their parents. Wait for the Lord to speak to your child and then wait for your child to respond to you verbally.

Try it out. See if it does work. God says that forgiveness clears the conscious. Take the time to mend your relationship with your children.

Keepin’ it real, Moms!

Living Guilt Free in a Pinterest World

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It’s that time of year again; the temperatures start to drop as summer slips into fall. Everywhere you turn there is fresh inspiration for some new way to decorate, some new thing to bake, a new activity to do with your kids and of course a whole new way to dress… What is a busy mom to do? How does one embrace who God designed them to be, live life to the fullest and yet not allow guilt to set in?

We actually don’t do much for “fall” here in the Arizona desert. We are simply happy that the temperatures are dipping below 100 degrees. But I do love to celebrate the idea of harvest and Thanksgiving. We have gone all out some years and re-enacted the trip on the Mayflower – complete with camping out in a small square of space, eating stale biscuits, sausage and such. Other years, we simply talk about being thankful. There are no fancy decorations, no elaborate plans – simply real-life living and meaningful conversation. And you know what? I didn’t have a lick of guilt. Want to know my secret?

Pray and Plan:

I take a little bit of time to step back from my busy days to pray and plan. Seasonal shifts and holidays provide so many rich opportunities. Which one is right for me and my family THIS year? I look at my stage in life, our calendar and then pray. God is always faithful to lead. Next, I jot down some notes. If I want to go “all-out”, I write down my plans for that. If I know I want to keep it simpler, I’ll note an idea or two that I saw on Pinterest or a blog and maybe a topic to discuss with my kids.

Once my plan is in place, there is no room for guilt. Why? Because I’ve prayed about it and selected what is best for my family at this time. I don’t have to worry about trying to be like anyone else. If (who am I kidding) when I see an A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. idea, I simply add it to a Pinterest board and know that I can look at using it the following year. Pinterest is now my tool, not my slavemaster!

Appreciate:

Home décor is not my thing. But that doesn’t mean I need to judge someone else who enjoys constantly redecorating and excels in this area. I have a friend who goes all out for the seasons. Each season finds her bringing out holiday or seasonal placemats, her home is transformed as she channels her inner Martha Stewart. It’s easy to either be filled with jealousy and guilt or swing to the other side and judge her for wasting time in an attempt to feel better about myself. It’s important to avoid both of these extremes. We need to embrace and appreciate the diversity of gifting’s and interests that God’s given each one of us! When I ask, my décor savvy friends help me out. In return, I share ideas for fun interactive learning which happens to be my passion.

So what is your thing? Pursue it. What’s an area where you want to grow? Reach out to a friend or utilize that amazing Pinterest link. And when you feel at peace with your direction, resist the temptation to do something that you aren’t called to do right now.

Whether you do a lot or a little, as long as it is what you are supposed to be doing, it’s perfect! Live each day with intention and release the rest!

A Torn Jacket and the Heart of a Child

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love