As I got older in life I had this idea that friendships were only for the younger me. Once I became an adult, I gained more responsibility, had a busier schedule and I didn’t have any time to invest truly into someone else. I would think friendships were for those who had time, not for those running around with their hands in the air going from one busy thing to the next.

Man, oh Man was I wrong.

In fact it wasn’t until I had kids that I found some of my lasting, strongest, genuine, selfless friendships in life. I remember being a new mom and deciding to stay at home to raise my kids. With this new identity of being a “stay at home mom,” came a lot of lonely days and not a lot of money to go out fill those days with fun activities. Having always worked out of the home, I was at a loss to even know where to begin looking for ways to get out of the house with a newborn, so I searched on my computer… ‘FREE ACTIVITIES IN MY AREA’. The first thing to pop up was the library, (which brought a giggle out of me because growing up I hated reading and thought the library was for nerds). There I was desperate to get out of my house in need of community and all I was getting was the library. I put my big girl pants on and packed up my baby and headed to the next class available.

Little did I know that the Lord was about to reveal to me a group of moms that would change my life forever. These moms from the moment I walked in understood me, they were in the same corner of life as me as new moms, new to staying at home and like me looking for inexpensive ways to get out of the house.

These ladies became my rock, my sounding board and my shoulder to cry on during some very emotional hardships in my life. I never knew the importance of community until I became part of one. I wasn’t the only one to connect to this community but also my girls had started to build strong lasting connection with the other kids in the group. My friends have become aunts and second moms to my girls creating an overwhelming sense of joy knowing that I have women in my life that love on my kids with a genuine love.

We are called to be in community and fellowship with one another. I want to challenge you to get connected if you aren’t already. Get involved with a community group at your church, local library, schools, sports, etc. The opportunities are out there if you are willing to put in the time to search. You will benefit from having solid friendships, your children will benefit and learn the importance of healthy friendships, and your family will thrive because you have a fellowship of ladies who know your heart and are involved in your life during the good the bad and the ugly.

Be bold. Be vulnerable. Be courageous. Be genuine.

Start praying now that God will provide you with everlasting friends and if you already have a group of friends then send praises up for them and pray that your relationships continue to grow to heights unimaginable.

Through His love,

Hilary

DRAMA! Who needs it? It can be self perpetuating and so hard to pull ourselves away from. Sometimes it’s our drama, sometimes it’s other people’s.  It needs to be said: we moms can be the most guilty. Maybe it’s the mother bear in us that seems to make itself clearly present once we have given birth or experienced even a short stint in the season of motherhood? It can be tempting to think that we have it all figured out and sometimes we are insecure and somehow feel threatened by someone else’s choices.

I look back at how I have hurt other moms along the way and I cringe. WHAT was I thinking? It usually wasn’t intentional, but damaging just the same. So many painful lessons learned about what NOT to do.

I have also had friends stand by me in ways I never thought possible and give me an example to follow that showed me what TO DO. I try to be that to others.

As women, we have an amazing ability to bring encouragement, hope and strength for the journey to each other, but it requires being intentional in our friendships, keeping grace in the forefront of our thoughts and actions. Here are some ways that we can do that:

*Try to only do and say what is helpful and builds each other up. Ephesians 4:29 says, “No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” It’s like a breath of fresh air.

*Accept the fact that each family is going to do things differently. We cannot be criticizing each other for the choices we make as a wife and mom, but instead humbly embracing and appreciating our differences. It’s really easy to give unsolicited advice or to criticize because another mom has made different decisions than we would, but it’s rarely helpful.

*I hesitate to even mention this because we all naturally tend to speak too quickly (please tell me I’m not the only one!): Sometimes God does use us to help and provide counsel to others, but we we need to not be hasty in doing so. If we are truly concerned and cannot seem to get something off of our minds, we need to PRAY for our friend. WAIT and see what God does. And, after that, if we still believe strongly that we should talk about it with her, approach the conversation prayerfully, humbly and choose our words very carefully. SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE, truly desiring the best for our friend.

*Don’t be afraid to apologize. We all mess up, we make mistakes in relationships and sometimes they are doozies. I am so thankful that my friends have chosen to forgive me when I have shown poor judgment, and I try bear those moments in mind when others need my forgiveness.

We have all had people in our lives who, quite honestly, suck the life out of us. As wives and moms, we need to keep our relationships square with our priorities. We need to be good stewards of our energy by praying for wisdom in our friendships. If we invest well, we will reap the incredible results of godly friendships: friends that will walk with us through the joys and trials of life, who will be the eyes, ears, hands, feet and mouth of Jesus to us and we, to them.

Are you a good friend?

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