Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.
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Hi, busy moms!
I’m in the book of Romans today—Romans 6:14, and I want to encourage you think with me about three burdens, three things that would be good for you to lay down. First, let’s consider what the Apostle Paul had to say to the Roman people about sin that they carried:
Romans 6:14
New International Version (NIV)
14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.
I’ve been noticing that I carry a few burdens with me that I don’t need to carry. There are three burdens that I have been thinking about lately … burdens that I don’t want to continue to carry with me. The first one is the burden of being right. This is a heavy one, isn’t it? We want to be right. It’s in our nature.
Have you ever been around someone who always has to be right? It’s burdensome to keep up that appearance of knowing everything, and it’s habit-forming, too. As moms, it’s easy to feel like we have to have all the right parenting advice or the best home-making skills—but here’s the thing: we don’t. No one has all the answers, and a “know it all” soon finds herself carrying around a heavy burden. It’s freeing to realize that we don’t have to have all the answers. Continue reading →
Today I am going to talk to you about a difficult subject and I hope you can bear with me for a couple of minutes and open up your Bibles to the book of James
I want to talk about suffering today.
It’s been a difficult month, I won’t lie to you, for our family. We’ve had to walk through very difficult situations and some where we’ve watched our daughter walk through. Earlier this month, a new mom had given birth to her stillborn baby, and she was full term and it was right before our daughter Savannah gave birth to her baby, Noah. And right after Noah was born, about a week or so, another dear friend of ours lost their baby in labor, also.
It was a difficult thing to walk through with my daughter as she fought with the questions that we often fight with, like why them and not me? Why do bad things happen to good people?
And so, I’ve been thinking about suffering a lot and what the Bible has to say about suffering. And, what I think, as believers, we need to remember that God is working in the midst of pain; God is working.
It is the job of a Christian to look more like Jesus.
Open up your Bibles with me to James chapter 1. Starting in verse 2, we read of James’ point of view on trials and suffering. James has written this letter to teach Christians the practice of Christianity, to teach them what it means to walk with the living God.
And, James says if we have real faith, we will show it by acting like real Christians, no matter what it is that we are going through, even if it’s suffering, if we’re angry, if we feel like we’ve been wounded, or unjustly treated.
There is the heart of the Holy Spirit inside of us when we know Jesus.
Starting in verse two, in chapter 1, James says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its works so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask of God who gives generously to all not finding fault, and it will be given to him, but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
If you read earlier in the Bible in the book of Deuteronomy, 4:31, we read, “For the Lord your God is a merciful God; He will not abandon you.”
So, how do we respond when trials and temptations come our way?
Well, the first thing that we are learning to do as Christians is to be thankful, for we see this over and over again in the Bible.
Ask yourself, do I have a heart of faithfulness? Do I have a heart of thankfulness? Am I wallowing in self pity? Or am I allowing God to work through the midst of suffering that I find myself in?
We NEED to have a heart of thankfulness and a heart of faithfulness.
And, we need to believe that no matter what comes our way, that God is inherently good and He loves us, and that He is working THROUGH the pain that we are going through.
Satan WILL lie to you when you are suffering. He will say to you that other people are watching and that you have to put on a face, because people are watching. Which is true, because Hebrews says we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, but, remember that God also understands your humanness, and when we believe “Oh I have to do it well,” that is performance based.
The other thing that we tend to fall into is the fact we want the approval of other people, and that is approval based.
Mom, hang on to the fact that God already approves of you. He loves you, He sees your suffering, and He knows that you want to serve Him.
And so, as you go through sorrow and temptation and suffering, trust the Lord for His goodness for you and that His mercies are anew every morning. And allow Him to fill you up.
I have a friend who used to say to me that if I lived in the future, that I would live with fear and anxiety, and if I lived in the past, I couldn’t have victory in the present.
The same thing is true when we are walking through suffering.
We cannot imagine, or take ourselves to a future place because it will take us to a place of fear and anxiety.
So, we need to learn to live in today.
TODAY is God’s gift to me and tomorrow (like the Bible says) has enough worries of its own.
So, learn to trust the Lord, today, busy mom. He cares about you; get alone with Him, allow Him to come in, lay down your sorrows at His feet and allow Him to work through the midst of the pain.
Are you struggling and in need of rest? As mothers, we spend our lives taking care of others. So how do we find refreshment and rest for our own bodies and our own souls?
In Matthew, Jesus said,
Matthew 11:29
New International Version (NIV)
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
I’ve been thinking about what that means during this season of recovering from surgery and walking through some difficult changes in my life. It’s caused me to stop and think about whether or not I’ve taken His yoke, or if I’m wearing a yoke of my own design. One thing’s for sure: when I wear a yoke of my choosing, it’s not a “easy” or “light.” It’s burdensome and heavy.
God wants His children to learn to conform to His heart for them. He wants to carry our burdens with us. More often than not, I’m discovering that whenever I struggle under the weight of a trial in my life it’s because I’ve been unwilling or unable to surrender to the season of life that the Lord has me in.
In the verse above, we can see that Jesus extends an invitation to rest—and He gives three things we must do in order to find that rest from burdens we carry:
Come to Me:God wants us to come to Him first, before we do anything. Before we take on a project or say “yes” to another weekly activity. He wants us to come to Him.
Take My Yoke: Don’t take God’s good idea for someone else’s family on yourself. Jesus taught us that that His yoke is designed just.for.you; for your soul alone.
Learn from Me: I think Jesus’ gentle reminder here was intended to keep us from relying on the teachings men rather than getting into God’s Word and seeking after Him personally. As we have seen over and over, people fail. But God doesn’t. His heart is that we would seek Him first.
So why do we still struggle, even after we’ve come to Christ? Here’s the key: Jesus said in John 15:4,
“Remain in Me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.”
It’s the abiding that gets us most of the time, isn’t it? Surrendering and laying down our will for His is something we must do. It’s an act of the will. When we choose to remain in Him, we find rest. Rest is found in remaining in Christ when things get tough. This doesn’t mean thing will be easy—but I’m here to bear witness to God’s unfailing mercy and the peace He gives that really does “pass all understanding.”
If you’re struggling to find a way to surrender to the Lord today, remember that He’s waiting for you. The God of the Universe is waiting—just for you. We are loved by our Creator!
Surrender is a daily thing. Ask the Lord to help you abide in Him today, busy mom. Ask Him to help you learn what surrender looks like. He wants to carry your burden with you.
Did you know that your words can wound? In fact, words can destroy.
On December 7th, 1941, the Japanese made a sneak attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. They disabled most of the U.S. pacific naval fleet. The United States government feared that enemy spies would find out other key locations of navy vessels, so they felt it necessary to warn the soldiers against unguarded talk that might give useful information to the enemy. In addition, many civilians volunteered for the government, and it was thought that they would not know how to conduct themselves when they wrote letters home, or in general conversations, or even if they were captured. The government feared that they would indirectly disclose information. So, to help remind the soldiers and the civilians, they came up with a phrase that was printed on posters: Loose lips sink ships.
Words and how we use them are very important, because they have the potential to bring life or death.
Pause with me for just a second and grab your Bible and read James 3, and make a note about how this chapter is mainly about controlling the tongue. If you were to read every chapter in the book of James, you would find that every chapter in there is admonishment about our speech. And in Psalm 119, in verses 172 and 173, we read what our tongue should be used for. It says, “May my tongue sing of Your Word for all Your commands are righteous. May my hand be ready to help me for I have chosen Your precepts.” I’m finding myself, as I get older, wanting less and less to be known as someone who even knows about gossip, let alone spreads it. Nothing good comes from it, and it destroys relationships, hearts and people. If my mouth is bury singing His praises, it’s going to be a lot less likely to be hurting others.
We encounter people every day and have opportunities to heal or hurt with our words, but that is especially true with these little people God has given us. It’s easy to speak unkindly to them in our frustration, yet those hurtful words we speak can take root and grow into lifelong lies that replay over and over in their little heads. What we say to them each day matters! If you’re guilty, you’re not alone. Thankfully, they remember when we apologize and ask forgiveness too!
Take out your Bible today and read James 3 with me. Let me know what you’re learning. I’d love to hear about what God is teaching you about the power of words, and let’s be moms that speak life over those we meet today!
We can learn so much from the story of Esther. When I read the story again, I noticed a few things that every busy mom should put into practice.
First, Esther showed that she respected her husband, she did not try to get her way through manipulation, but wisely asked God to show her how to approach her husband. She became a student of her husband. She studied his emotions and knew his heart.
Second, Esther had demonstrated that she was trustworthy; her husband trusted what she had said and he demonstrated his love for her as he listened to her. She had not only won his physical affection, but also his listening ear.
Lastly, she was a student of her husband. She had learned a lot from queen Vashti’s previous mistakes, but, remember, Esther was motivated by love. She was carrying the weight of a nation on her shoulders. It was not only in her best interest to learn how to communicate with her husband—it was the in the best interest of an entire nation.
We don’t often think of how important it is to learn how to communicate lovingly and effectively with our husbands. After all, we don’t have an entire nation depending on whether or not we get this whole marriage thing right…or do we?
I believe if we could only see in the future and see that there IS an entire nation depending on it, if we could stop and look at the affects of mentoring and discipling of our children, we might see amazing changes in our culture. Perhaps, we would find many families could be spared from the devastation of divorce.
If we were to truly love our husbands with our words, and then match those words with our actions, I wonder how many generations of children might enter into marriages of their own with the right perspective.
We MUST not underestimate the power of communicating right with our husband. Ask God to help you become a student of your husband, precious mom. Now there’s a course worth taking! I want to keep learning about my husband. Bonus: He’s a cute subject to study.
Romans 15:4 says, “Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us and the Scriptures gives us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.”
The ESV says it this way, “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
Hope bubbles to the top when everything else is sinking. God says that His Word was given to us so that we may have hope.
Looking at His heart for our marriages, God’s heart is that our marriage would strive, and God cares about all those little things that we take for granted, including romance. God’s heart for your marriage includes quiet nights away from your kids, moonlit conversations about your hopes and dreams, and a partnership that encompasses every area of your life.
You know what, busy mom? There is no formula. I think that’s important to make that clear up front. I wish more Christian women were talking about how hard it is to stay married in this culture and to raise a family that will love and follow after the Lord Jesus. I really wish I had a magic formula to give to you. Five steps for a troubled marriage really is just a myth, although it would sell books. But instead of offering you a formula, I want to encourage you to love your husband as God has designed you to love him. Be real about your marriage; the good, the bad, and the fragile. It’s not bad to be fragile. Part of the blessing of being fragile is that it forces you to fall on your knees and talk to The One who knows exactly what you need.
I should know…I have been there. I’m the mom who watches the school buses drive away and wonder what those other moms do all day. My husband has watched me have total meltdowns, and he has helped remind myself that this homeschool journey that I am on is as much about me as it is about our children.
I want you to know that homeschooling IS hard, marriage is hard, parenting is hard.
Do I ever want to give up? I always tell my husband, only every other Tuesday.
There are two things that keep me going on the days that I want to give up. The first thing is that I am learning is how absolutely loved I am by the Lord. The second thing is how my husband and I are learning about the eternal investment we are making in our children.
These two elements have been crucial to the success of our marriage, especially where homeschooling is concerned. On the days when I need encouragement, we assess our partnership and vision, then we continually yield our plans to the Lord. It’s part of being one flesh.
Thank God that His mercies really are new every morning. We can find encouragement together as we discover how loved we really are. And how even a busy mom can make time to nurture her marriage.
It’s not as hard as you think, but it’s more important than we may ever realize.
Proverbs 25:11 says, “Right words spoken in the right time are like apples of gold in a silver setting.”
Have you ever struggled with controlling your tongue? I have. There are times when I think to myself, “I can’t believe I just said that out loud.” In fact, I’ve been on a personal journey of asking the Lord to really help me in this area for the past several years. Why? I hate to admit it, but I cringe when I think of all the thoughtless, and even unkind things I’ve said to my husband and my children over the years. I’ve corrected my husband, interrupted him, spoken over him… (yup, I’m can be just that amazing as a wife and mom.)
But, praise God! His mercies are new to me every single morning! (And, come to think of it, my husband’s mercies have been new to me every morning as well.) God has given me an opportunity learn from my mistakes and a husband who patiently walks beside me and trusts that I love him, even when I don’t communicate with him as I should.
You see, the Bible tells us that out of the heart, the mouth speaks. Let me say that again. Nevermind. I’ll just share the verse here, as it’s so powerful, we should have it memorized:
Luke 6:45
45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
It’s easy to talk a good talk when we want to, but the Bible is clear: we will be known by the words that we speak. This was so powerful to me because I want to be known for speaking good things—even when I’m frustrated and even when I see the kids didn’t do what I asked them to. The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
I don’t know about you, but I’m so weary of finding out that the person I looked up to really is a not who he or she says she is. It’s easy to be kind and sweet to other moms while our own marriages suffer neglect or worse—fall apart at the seams. It’s easy to be kind to other people’s kids while we show the uglier side of ourselves to our own children.
Let’s commit to being being the real thing, busy moms. Let’s communicate good things to those who are closest to us first. If we’re not authentic at home, then all we’re really giving God with our lives is lip service. I don’t know about you, but I want to give Him more than lip service. I want to live and communicate in a way that shows my heart is full of Him, not me.
If you’re struggling in this area, remember, the bottom line of communication is not just using the right style; to get style down and miss the heart of communication is literally giving your marriage and family nothing more than lip service. Our husbands and kids deserve more than this!
Do you realize that your words provide an opportunity for you and for those around you to grow in their walk with God?
Authenticity starts at home. When we realize that our willingness to minister unconditionally to our family is part of successful family life, then we have found the best place to start.
Let’s give our families the best part of us—and then reach out to a world who is desperately in need of the real thing. It’s more than lip service. Always start at home. Out of the overflow of the heart—the mouth speaks … at home.
