Tag Archives: child training

Teaching Our Kids About Honor

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Yesterday, I was in a grocery store with my daughter. She was glancing at magazine covers as we unloaded our cart contents onto the conveyor belt. Aside from the usual gossip magazine covers, I noticed that several major magazines had lead stories about young people (and a few not-so-young people) who were making the most of their celebrity status—by behaving foolishly.

A magazine cover indicates a certain sort of honor, doesn’t it? That’s what my young daughter assumes.

Have you ever wondered why it’s important that we use wisdom in giving honor? You don’t have to look much farther than the newspaper and national media to figure out that we’re not exercising much discernment in bestowing honor these days. Here’s who we are currently elevating to “celebrity” status:

Athletes whose lives off the field are a wreck
Pastors who have a “following” but lack personal integrity
Reality TV personalities
Bloggers (hello!)
Actors
Musicians

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that these people are not worth of honor. But honestly? It’s not hard to see we have a problem where honor is concerned in our culture. The Bible has a lot to say about the importance of bestowing honor.

As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.

In Romans 13:7, Paul instructs us to give honor to whom honor is due. When we honor people such as athletes simply based on their skill and ignore their personal lives, we do everyone a disservice. When we honor celebrities who clearly have huge moral deficits, what message are we sending to our children?

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I believe the message is clear: we’re telling our kids that as long as they can produce something that other people want (like a winning touchdown), all bets regarding their behavior are off.  There’s no clear solution on the horizon, either. As a culture, we need to do a better job of honoring those to whom honor is due. Christian or not, behavior matters.

As parents, this translates into everyday life with our children. When we praise our children for their achievements regardless of their behavior, we’re not doing them any favors. Praise them for their integrity, courage, kindness, respect and honesty. Let’s help our children to make wise choices by making wise choices ourselves. When we honor the wise choices they make, we are teaching our children what is worthy of praise.

The Gift of a Terrible Two!

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Brianna was only two years old, and I was so proud of my girl. She was the kind of toddler that did everything right. She never yelled, “NO!” She obeyed quickly. She was a happy little girl who wanted to please those around her, and she loved everyone. I decided that it was because I had done everything right. We were faithfully disciplining her, I was a stay at home mom, we had family bible time. Yes. I was doing it right, and the fruit of my rightness was an obedient two year old. The two’s don’t have to be terrible! I would say with self-confidence.

Then I gave birth to my second child.

Things started out in a similar fashion as they did with my first child. He was a happy, content baby. We started disciplining him early. I was a stay at home mom and he was included in Bible time. Our daughter was three years old and loved her little brother. Things were going well.

Then he turned two…

I’m not sure what happened on the second birthday of my second born, but my “the “twos” don’t have to be terrible” theory was slowly becoming a fallacy! The “twos” were terrible! They were awful! I would look at my husband and ask, “What are we doing wrong?” He would shake his head and say, “I don’t know!” I began to wonder if I would ever enjoy being a mother again.

“...God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

I was a prideful mommy, and God was using my son to humble me!

Twenty years later I can see very clearly what was happening, but in the moment I was desperate for help. I am so thankful for the gift of a “terrible two” because it was exactly what this girl needed to be humbled. It’s the very thing that I needed to begin the process of learning that I can really only do so much. God has to work in the heart of my child. He has made individuals, not robots that respond to the “do’s and don’ts” of parenting!

God has made each child to be an individual. In some ways that makes it a little harder for us as parents, because there’s really no cookie cutter way of parenting.  But if we allow it to, it forces us to drop to our knees and pray for continual guidance on how to direct each child. I have found that as I view my children as individuals, I am learning to appreciate them for the unique people that God has made them to be. I learn to love them in a deeper way as I get to know them as people…not just my kids.

Ask yourself some questions:

  1. Do I view my children as the kids that I need to parent, or as individuals I have the privilege of getting to know?
  2. Do I consult parenting books (which CAN be very helpful.) more than I do God and His Word, about the children He created and gave me?
  3. When I give parenting advice, do I automatically share all that I have done as a parent, or do I encourage others to pray and ask God to lead them as individuals?
  4. When people give me compliments about my children, do I take the credit or do I give God the glory for anything good that is seen?
  5. Am I allowing God to use my children in MY life? Do I see that God is using them in my life to mold me into His image just as much as he is using me in their life?

Yes. Our children are individuals. Unique. Precious people. I am a better person having known my children. I sometimes feel that I have learned much, much more from them than they have learned from me! I am so thankful that God has given me 24 years of pointing these two precious people to their Savior!

And now that  they are completely grown, if you see anything good in them, the verse that I will share with you is this one:

“…all that we have accomplished HE has done for us.” Isaiah 26:12

10 Picture Books for a Christ Centered Easter

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Picture Books for a Christ Centered Easter @thebusymom.com

Just like Christmas, Easter can be a hard time for helping our kids to stay focused on Jesus and the reason we celebrate Easter. I like to pull out these favorite books each year, a few weeks before Easter and read one each day with my kids. You may have additional books to add to this list, please leave us a comment letting us know what your favorite Christ Centered Easter books are!

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1. Journey to the Cross ~ this book is not so much a picture book that you would sit down and read in one sitting. But I LOVE using this book ALL throughout the Easter season! This book has the entire Easter story split up into 40 readings (which would also be perfect to start around the time that Lent starts.) Your elementary kids could also use this book as reading practice to mom during the Easter season!

2. The Parable of the Lily ~ this might be my favorite picture book for Spring and Easter! I love Liz Curtis Higg’s parables for children! This one is the story of a mysterious gift that ends in a joyous discovery weeks later just in time for Easter. I love that Scripture is incorporated into the pages of these children’s parables!

3. Easter Bunny, Are You For Real ~ I love these gentle books by Harold Myra that do not make you feel any condemnation for having easter egg hunts or having FUN with the holiday. He mentions that spring IS a time to get excited about bunnies and new flowers growing, etc. But, he gently points out that the REAL reason we celebrate is because of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

4. The Easter Story  ~ from “Peek-A-Bible” and ZonderKids ~ we have had this book since my kids were  2-3 years old. There are flaps the kids can lift up and I have to admit, even as an adult, I get excited lifting that huge rock and seeing that the tomb is EMPTY!!

5. Amon’s Adventures ~ this is another book that is not particularly a picture book, but a story that you can read aloud to your whole family throughout the Easter season!! These read aloud or chapter books by Arnold Ytreeide are just fabulous. The stories grab you and have such depth to them. I would say these are probably not for your early elementary kids, maybe save them for upper elementary and older.

6. Benjamin’s Box ~ this book can be used along with the Resurrection Eggs or on its own, you could even be creative and use this in a totally different way if you chose. Benjamin is a curious boy that lives in the time of Jesus, he keeps a treasure box of all these treasures he finds — these treasures are the same things you will find inside the Resurrection Eggs.

7. The Legend of the Easter Egg ~ another fabulous “legend” book by Lori Walburg with MANY references to special events that take place around the time of Jesus death, the cross and the resurrection.

8. The Tale of Three Trees ~ a beautiful story of 3 trees with stories of how they are used to bring glory to God through their “lifetime.” You could add in nature study, as well, to this lovely story! This story is a very creative and a bit unusual way to tell the Easter story! You and your kids won’t forget it!

9. Miracle in the Morning ~ discuss with your children what it would have been like to go and find the EMPTY tomb on Easter morning!!

10. The Legend of the Sand Dollar ~ a trip to the beach reveals the story of Easter in a sand dollar! A small, hidden treasure reveals the miracle of the Resurrection.

I love adding just one new book to my Easter and Christmas collections each year. That makes it a little more affordable. By the time my children are grown, we will have a lovely collection of Christ-centered holiday books that someday I hope to share with my grandchildren!! These books we read each year become a part of our traditions…my children remember them…and I pray these seeds are planted deep in their hearts as they grow and mature in the Lord!

I have some free cursive copy work to go along with the Resurrection Eggs over at my place if you’d like to add that to your Easter school work!

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Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

A Little Less Talk

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Have you ever heard of the phrase “Actions speak louder than words”? This little piece of advice is good to keep in mind, especially at home.

Today, I am reading in the book of 1 John 3:8, it says, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

We have all heard “actions speak louder than words,” and this verse reflects that phrase. It is applicable in instances where our part is required in order to help out someone in need. Something I have asked myself for years is this:  Why is it so easy to help someone outside our family and far harder to help someone in our family? True confessions? I have been known to be kinder to the checker at Walmart than I can be to my own children.

Funny thing: I know when I act this way my kids know that my priorities are somewhere else.

The most obvious place where this wisdom should take form is in how we spend our time. It’s easy to say, “You’re the most important part of my life” to my spouse or to my children. But if I don’t demonstrate what I say in my actions when I’m with them, then my words are meaningless. Have you ever said something “meaningless?”  Most of us have.

Meaningless creeps up on us, too. Many times when we say things to our children out of exhaustion or because we’re “fed up” but we don’t follow through. Sometimes that can be with discipline (which definitely still regards the fact actions speak louder than words) and sometimes it’s as simple as promising our kids we’ll read to them “tomorrow.”

It is so important to love our children with  not only with our words but also with our actions, because your kids are listening to you AND are watching you. When they are grown, they’ll leave your home (I guarantee it) and they will remember what you said and did. Those actions, or lack of, really do speak louder than words.

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It is important for us to remember life isn’t perfect, but there are trade-offs we need to make. It is important to keep the appropriate balance. Everyone has to work for a living, and sometimes it can take up most of your waking time. Often there’s nothing you can do about it. When that happens, communicate with your kids. Let them know. If you made a promise and you can’t keep it, go to them.

At the end of the day, your kids will follow your example, not your advice.

That happened to me just this afternoon. I told my daughter that I would take her to the Dollar Store earlier in the day. For some reason, the Dollar Store is her favorite place in the whole wide world. As the day went along, things went “off plan.” Something came up and I wasn’t able to do it.

Secretly, I hoped she would forget.  But, she didn’t. Guilt finally got the best of me. I went upstairs, looked her right in the eye, and said, “Sweetheart, I know I told you I’d take you today, but this (thing) came up and I can’t do it. I will take you tomorrow. Is that okay?” Because she knows that I will make good on my promise, she was confident in the promise I made to her.

However, I’ve learned that if I repeatedly say something but don’t do it, my words will carry very little weight. Our children deserve honesty.

If you’re struggling today with having your actions speak louder than your words, I want to encourage you to follow the truth in 1 John 3:18, “let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

Teach your children that you are trustworthy. Life doesn’t have to go according to plan for you to be the mom your children need you to be. A little less talk—a lot more action. That’s what they need.

 

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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

18 Things I’ve Learned in 18 Years of Homeschooling

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I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years.  Where did the time go?

It really is a wonder that my children are doing as well as they are when I consider my abilities or rather, disabilities.  In all seriousness though, God has taught me so much about what really matters in my homeschool.  Here are eighteen things I have learned in 18 years of homeschooling.

1.  Education is more than academics. As a person who was highly prone to making an idol out of education, this is no small statement. Honestly, you can be the most well-educated, even the most intelligent person and yet lack the character to impact the world for good.

2.  Parents are more than qualified to teach their children. In fact, research has shown that motivation is more important than education. Think about it. Who is more motivated to ensure that your child receives the best education possible? A teacher of 30 + kids or a parent?

3.  God fills in the gaps. I have seen this over and over again. Sweet mamas, trust Him. He is working all of these chapters in your life for good. Breathe and trust!

4.  Much can be learned from homeschool parents that have gone before you. Listen, learn and consider other ways of doing things.  Don’t be afraid to try new things.

5.  Don’t copycat. On the other hand, blindly following isn’t good for anyone. Learn from others and adapt curricula and teaching styles to fit your unique family but don’t copy another family like some algebraic formula. There is no one formula for the perfect homeschool.

6.  Just when you think you’ve got this thing…things change. Well, we wouldn’t want to grow complacent or overly self-assured, would we? If something isn’t working, change it. That is what eBay is for, no? Read, learn, pray, grow. If something is clearly not working in your homeschool, it is okay to change things up – even before the end of the semester/year.

7.  Learning issues aren’t disabilities, they are differences. God makes no mistakes. People who learn differently were made that way by God.  “So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth?  Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind?  Have not I, the Lord?”  Exodus 4:11  Teach to your child’s learning style and keep working on the weaknesses.

8.  Character-training is a subject. Make time for it. You’ll be glad you did.

9.  Play is a subject for young kids. Kindergarten should take about half an hour. Read, love and play, play, play!

10. Interest-led learning is still learning. Text books are not the only way. Be brave – think outside the box!

11. Prepare for the teen years. Deal with your teens in an understanding way. What were you like when you were that age? A bit of compassion goes a long way.  Oh, and the changes of adolescence can begin before the teen years.  Be prepared!

12. There is extraordinary power in prayer. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”  Philippians 4:6

13. There is extraordinary power in the Word. Too busy for Bible study? Remember your goals – the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  (1Timothy 1:5) And this, “So then, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”  Romans 10:17

14. Observe and point out the impact of world views early and often. Teach your kids discernment.  If you don’t know what a world view is, find out!

15. Teach apologetics earnestly. The Christian faith is under attack. May I dare to say that we are no longer in a post-modern culture but an anti-Christian one? Teach your kids the reason for their faith. “Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord.”  Isaiah 1:18

16. Don’t compare. There is always someone that appears to have it all together. Yet, all of us have some trial or tribulation. God is weaving together your unique story for a great purpose.

17. It is unlikely that you will ever ‘get it all done’.  What ever that even is!  You may, however, get everything that you can done and that is okay!

18.  Not to discourage you, but your house will never be clean! <grin>

What wisdom have you gained from your homeschooling years?

For more homeschool encouragement, visit Marianne at her blog Abundant Life.

Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight

Start the New Year with Purpose

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The New Year is when a lot of people make big plans for the year. I’m guilty of it too. Every year I would sit down and think about all the things that went wrong during the previous year and then resolve to do better in the new year. Can I just be honest for a second and tell you that before January was over I’d slipped back into old habits. Nothing changed for me. The problem was not that I was making resolutions, the problem was that I wasn’t being purposeful about my plans.

Start the New Year off with purpose: Set goals with your children | TheBusyMom.com

This year I decided that I needed to be more purposeful in my planning. There are definitely things that I wanted to change going into the new year. There are goals and achievements that I wanted to work towards as well.  There are a few key areas that I wanted to focus on for 2014: spiritual life, relationships, health, intellectual growth and fun! I also decided to include my boys in planning as well.

Setting Goals  for Yourself

I love that there is an attitude of a fresh start during this time of year. Fresh mercies I like to call it. Here are some of the goals that I’ve set for myself for 2014:

  • Spiritual Life: read through the entire bible, memorize 12 verses, develop a habit of rising early for devotions
  • Relationships:  more one on one time with each of my boys each week
  • Health: regular exercise at least 5 days a week, more sleep and eating less sugar
  • Intellectual growth: read 24 books during the year {at least 2 a month}
  • Fun: horse back riding and karaoke

Setting Goals with Your Children

After working on my list I thought that it would be fun to get my little ones to set some goals. I didn’t sit my boys down and ask them what their spiritual goals were for the year but I did ask them what they’d like to do or learn during the new year.

My 7 year old’s list:

  • Go back to Disney World
  • Not lose my temper so much
  • Write to my pen pal each month
  • Learn to do tricks with my scooter, bike and skateboard

My 5 year old’s list:

  • Disney World!
  • Learn to tie my shoes
  • Read chapter books like my big brother
  • Help mommy by washing dishes

Setting Goals as a Family

I wanted to see if we could come up with some goals as a family. I really love the idea of working toward something together.  Here’s what we came up with:

  • Family Vacation {can you guess where my boys want to go?}
  • Memorize scripture together as a family
  • Monthly “Family Fun Day”

What kinds of goals have you set with your family for the new year?

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

teach kids to write thank you notes

Encouraging Gratitude: Teaching Children to Write Thank You Notes

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teach kids to write thank you notes

We all want our kids to be thankful – to freely show their gratitude to others.  Whether for a gift or a special outing or just for being a good friend, being thankful is not only polite, it’s good for you too.  Grateful people tend to be more satisfied with their lives and less likely to complain.  I don’t think there is a mama out there not interested in having kids like that!  Christmastime offers just the perfect opportunity to encourage thankfulness in your kids by teaching them to write thank you notes!

Personally, the thought of sitting down my squirming bunch of resistant writers is enough to put me off teaching writing of any sort.  However, with a little planning and creativity, teaching kids to write thank you notes can be a lot of fun – they won’t even know they’re learning!

Tips for Teaching Kids to Write Thank You Notes

Set Aside a Specific Time to Write

I don’t know about your kids, but my kids aren’t the type (sigh) to sit down and write on their own.  Even when it is part of English assignment, they can be reluctant.  Find a few hours, sometime before the New Year to sit down together with the purpose of writing out thank you notes.  Plan to sit with them and for those of you with reluctant writers, plan to be a human spell checker!

Gather Fun Materials

My kids may not like to write but they love, love, love to create.  By providing them with some fun supplies like a variety of blank note cards, return address labels, interesting pens or colored pencils, stamps and stickers, they will be more likely to enjoy letter writing.  Pssst…these items make great stocking stuffers too!

A Note About Honesty

What if the Land’s End wool sweater wasn’t a big hit with your trendy teen?  How can they be authentically thankful?  Try looking for the positive.   Instead of saying something that is untrue, “Thanks for the sweater.  I love it!”  Try thinking of something positive about the gift, like this:  “Thank you for the sweater.  I love the color!”

For the Pre-Writers

For kids who are too young to write, allow them to dictate their thanks for you to write for them.  Encourage them to be as prolific as they like.  Have them decorate the card and do their best to sign their names.

For the Early Writers

For kids who are able to write some but may have difficulty writing a complete note, search online for one of the many, fun fill-in-the-blank types of thank you notes.  They are something like a writing prompt that gets them going, teaching them the basics of letter writing and allowing them to enjoy the process.

For the Confident Writers

As your kids become more capable writers, their thank you notes can become more of a letter.  Older kids can write what they like about the gift or how they plan to use any monetary gifts.  They can also write briefly about what they have been doing lately and ask after the health and welfare of the person to whom they are writing.

A Few Creative Ideas for Homemade Thank You Cards

While I was writing this post, I took some time to search around Pinterest for some creative thank you note ideas.  Here are a few that even this craft-challenged mama can handle:

  • Have kids make their own cards by drawing a picture.
  • Take a photo of your child with their gift to attach to or include with their thank you  note.
  • Use colored ink pads to make a rainbow of finger prints across the front of the card.  Write ‘Thank You’ in each of the fingerprints.
  • Trace your kids’ hands and cut them out as a thank you round of applause.
  • Write ‘Thank You’ on a chalk board or with magnetic letters on a baking sheet and take a photo of your kids holding it to attach to or include in your thank you notes.
  • Create free e-cards from one of the many free online card sources on the web.
  • Create your own card on an online card site.

I hope you are encouraged to cultivate a little bit of thankfulness in your kids this season by helping them to create and write thank you notes for friends and family.  Not only will the recipients be blessed, your kids will have the pleasure of feeling more gratitude for their blessings, family bonds will be strengthened and good manners are being learned.

How have you encouraged your kids to write ‘thank you’ notes?

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight