Author Archives: Marianne Sunderland

About Marianne Sunderland

Marianne Sunderland has been married to her husband, Laurence, since 1991. She is a homeschooling mother of eight lively children ages 3 to 22. Marianne is passionate about encouraging families to discover and nurture their children’s God-given gifts and talents, in and outside of the classroom. She also encourages women to joyfully love and serve their families. Her varied experiences homeschooling through difficult times and with kids who learn differently has taught her much about learning how to trust fully in God for her family and homeschool. Marianne’s blog, Abundant Life, provides weekly articles on faith, family and homeschooling that will bless and encourage you.

A Little Homeschool Truth From a Veteran Homeschool Mom

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I sat at the kitchen table, pencil tapping my teacher’s guide impatiently. Knowing that the reading lesson I was attempting to teach was only a fraction of the way finished and that we still had Math, History and Science to complete, this mama was getting antsy.

My son, full of life and joy was elaborately illustrating his every written response. Yes, his letters were going ‘fishing’. As the mom of 7 kids with dyslexia, the fact that he knew his letters and was able to write them was the hope that kept me going; waiting quietly as he shared the silly story of ‘J’s fishing success.

And so here we are. School has started and reality has set in. Homeschooling sure looks different mid-summer while absolutely no school is being done and we’re casually reading colorful catalogues detailing curriculum that will practically teach your kids themselves. Ah, yes, peaceful, sunny July afternoons spent at the beach with memories of crumby floors and crabby attitudes far behind.

Sitting here across from my joyful – yet painfully slow – second grader caused me to dig deep into my reserves of homeschool truth to bring myself to remain calm and committed.

Here is some homeschool truth for you, Mama.

Slow and steady does in fact win the race. A little learning every day adds up to a lot of learning over time. Your faithfulness to do what you can will be rewarded. Do what you can, do it well and don’t fret about what didn’t get done.

I know that for me as the productive type, I like to get stuff done. I like to check off the boxes so I can coast for a bit.

Get child reading – check.

Instill a Biblical worldview – check.

As if these things don’t take years of daily instruction, testing and trying to really do well.

I am teaching myself to let go of the notion of finishing. Not only is the notion that I can finish parenting, schooling, or cleaning and then coast for some extended period of time absurd as a mom of 8, it is flawed for several reasons.

My work as a wife and mother will never be finished (and likely, at least for some time, my home will never be entirely clean). Jesus calls me to be about the business of blessing others with my talents. If not my family, as it is now with my full house, then for others in need. God has blessed me with gifts so that I can give them away to others. That is not something that ends when the kids turn 18 and are finally independent or when I turn 65 and can officially retire.

Just as God has stripped me from worshiping many of my previous homeschool idols; having well-behaved kids (at the expense of having clean hearts) or of owning the best curriculum or of volunteering for every important looking job or of having kids get into the ‘best’ colleges; God is stripping me from the idol of finishing it all so I can rest.

Lord, when will I ever just stop thinking so much of me?!

Please, don’t get me wrong, there is much gain in finding balance in your days.

However, I am learning to enjoy (and at times patiently endure) my days however they unfold. When the phonics lesson is over and my young guy heads outside to fashion himself a fishing rod, math lessons can wait. My list of homeschool tasks can wait because life and school is so much more.

Slow down and enjoy the moments. Believe me, silly fishing stories during phonics instruction, though somewhat painful for busy homeschool moms, will be preferable to the seriousness of the day that you are helping that same boy as a high schooler to analyze expressions of love found in Shakespeare.

Take it from me, if your day is waxing long and the to-do list is largely untouched, it will be okay. Do what you can, do it well, and trust the Lord to take care of the rest.

When Your Homeschool Doesn’t Meet Your Expectations

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I came from a long line of highly educated people. Even my grandmother, born at the turn of the century, had an advanced degree. So naturally, when I started homeschooling, I expected that my children would also be highly academic.

Then I discovered the world of dyslexia.

Dyslexia causes otherwise intelligent people to struggle mightily with reading, writing and spelling. So while my kids had all of the intelligence to succeed academically, their execution of school-type work hindered them. In fact, because these things were so hard for them, and despite their great creativity, imagination and love of learning itself, they disliked traditional academic pursuits. Yikes! This mama was worried.

Looking back now after 20 years of homeschooling dyslexic kids, I realize that I could have saved myself a lot of sorrow if I had realized one basic fact much sooner.

God’s Purposes Over My Purposes

God created my kids with great purpose from before time began.

God…called us with a holy calling, not according to our works,
but according to His own purpose and grace
which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.
2 Timothy 1:8-9

While I may not know God’s exact purposes for my kids, I can know that they are good and perfect, awesome and doable.

Somehow, intellectually I understood this but practically speaking, I wanted things my way. As I learned to lean on God and ask Him for direction for my kids’ lives I found peace.

Many Types of Intelligence

All of my years trying to figure out dyslexia taught me that there are many types of intelligence. Not only that but that they were perfectly created that way by God so that they could beautifully and naturally fulfill their God-given purpose!

So relax mamas, breathe! Lay your burdened thoughts for your children and their futures down before the Lord. Let go of your expectations and ask God for wisdom. As God slowly weaves your story and the stories of your children together, it will be tempting to pick up that burden once again, but I assure you – God is faithful. His promises are true.

While your child may not be meeting your expectations, he or she is being prepared day-by-day, experience-by-experience for God’s purposes to be fulfilled in their lives.

Discovering God-given Talents

Once we have laid down our agenda for our kids, we are free to observe our kids natural interests and strengths. Where do they excel in ability? What really interests them? Where these two intersect, interest and ability, may well be where their purpose lies.

Questions to Ask

Are you teaching them about the wonderful works of God? Are you pointing them to Jesus in their trials? Have they experienced the faithfulness of God?

Honestly, what would be the worst thing that could happen if your child never mastered Algebra? Read all of the classics? Or never went to college? Could God still use their lives? Of course!

Now go and lay those burdens down and pray for God’s good and perfect purpose to be made known in your lives and the lives of your kids.

Help for the Introverted Homeschool Mom

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With all the talk these days on introverts and extroverts I began to suspect that I, myself, might be an introvert. After digging around on line a bit, my suspicions were confirmed.

Signs That You May be an Introvert

Introverts are stereotypically shy and awkward. This is not necessarily the case. Introvertedness is more of a temperament, kind of like a personality style that just varies from person to person. The fact that introverts prefer quiet does not necessarily mean that they are shy. I personally really like meeting and getting to know people – just in small doses.

Might you be an introvert? Here are some common traits:

1. Introverts are easily overstimulated and prefer quiet, relatively unstimulating environments.

2. Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries.

3. Introverts find small talk tedious, preferring deep, philosophical conversations.

4. Introverts don’t like to be surrounded and will often sit at the end of a room so that they can easily get up and move.

5. Introverts shut down after being active for too long.

One can easily see after reading this list that an introverted homeschool mom is going to be particularly challenged by her occupation! Introverts are easily exhausted from too much stimulation, whether it be from being out and about too much or from being home with all. of. those. kids. So what is a loving introverted mom of many to do?

Helps for the Introverted Mom of Many

1. Implement a daily Mom’s Morning Routine. Carving out quiet time in a busy household requires some creativity and planning. Try setting your alarm for 1 hour before anyone else in the house wakes up. Although this may take some getting used to, this daily time of quiet helps me to get my batteries fully charged before the busyness of the day. With this time for morning devotions, prayer (and coffee) my tank is filled.

2. Implement a daily Quiet Time routine. In our home, every afternoon has a designated time of quiet where all members of the household are required to engage in mellow (quiet) activities. When kids outgrow their nap times – kids have ‘quiet time’ instead. Our older kids read or study during this time while our younger kids are in their rooms either sleeping playing quietly. There are all kinds of ideas online for fun quiet time activities if you need some ideas to get you started.

3. Keep white space on your calendar. After one too many exhausting days out running from one activity to another, I made an effort this year to keep my calendar clear. Learn to say ‘no’ to requests to commit to activities that may over extend you. Find carpools or kid swap, occasionally offering to take another family’s kids and vice versa) so that you can spend less time running around.

4. Engage your kids in conversations. You may be surprised at the thoughtful responses you will get. Discuss ideas that you have been thinking about or spiritual lessons that you have been learning in your own life. I find this to be a big part of my call to teach them as I go (Deuteronomy 6).

5. Play quiet, soothing music during the day. My favorite – baroque adagios. This style of music has even been associated with brain growth in those who listen to it.

6. Date nights and grocery shopping. I have been surprisingly refreshed by simple things like going to the grocery store alone or a weekly date night with my husband.

Motherhood can be exhausting whether you are an introvert or not. Carving out time for quiet throughout your day can be just the thing to keep your batteries recharged.

How about you? How have you managed being surrounded by noise while being a person who thrives in quiet?

The One Thing You Can do Today to Radically Improve Your Homeschool

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When I began homeschooling some 18 years ago, I set out to have the best homeschool possible.

I read books on education. Lots of books!

I attended homeschool conventions.

I spared no expense on homeschool curriculum. Lots and lots of homeschool curriculum.

I poured my life out for my kids believing that it would produce excellence in them.

And then everything fell apart.

I’ll spare you the gory details but suffice to say that by neglecting my husband (he was a ‘big boy’ after all, right?) I was not saving time, I was undermining our whole family structure.

God describes the ideal family dynamic in Colossians:

Colossians 3:18-21: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Although adhering to these principles may go against our natural inclinations, well, they work!

When I put the needs and concerns of my husband over those of my kids, he is a blessed guy.

When my husband is a blessed guy, guess what? He wants to bless his family!

This is not meant to be a legalistic statement. You’re not going to hell if you neglect your husband.

You just may, however, experience a little bit of heaven if you do.

Here is what I mean. When I honor and bless my husband by putting his needs first, I may not get the house completely clean or finish that great, life-changing family read aloud on schedule. Honestly, this can bother me. I like to get my list checked off.

However, if I put aside these types of things, say by putting my kids to bed earlier, in favor of spending more quiet time with my husband, he feels important.

When my husband feels important and valued, he is more interested in pouring into our home and school. I find that he begins to anticipate my needs and help me in ways that I never would have asked.

Four Ways to Bless Your Husband Today

Forgive his shortcomings quickly, just as you want your shortcomings to be forgiven.
Stop what you are doing, ahem, and listen to him.
Admire him for what he does well – let him know you appreciate him!
Pray for him everyday. It isn’t easy supporting and leading a family.

As a young mom, I believed that the more I did for my kids, the better our family would be. Now I have come to understand that if I want the best for my family, I need to put my husband first by loving and honoring him within our home.

How about you? Have you seen a difference in your home by putting your husband first?

18 Things I’ve Learned in 18 Years of Homeschooling

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I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years. Where did the time go?

It really is a wonder that my children are doing as well as they are when I consider my abilities or rather, disabilities. In all seriousness though, God has taught me so much about what really matters in my homeschool. Here are eighteen things I have learned in 18 years of homeschooling.

1. Education is more than academics. As a person who was highly prone to making an idol out of education, this is no small statement. Honestly, you can be the most well-educated, even the most intelligent person and yet lack the character to impact the world for good.

2. Parents are more than qualified to teach their children. In fact, research has shown that motivation is more important than education. Think about it. Who is more motivated to ensure that your child receives the best education possible? A teacher of 30 + kids or a parent?

3. God fills in the gaps. I have seen this over and over again. Sweet mamas, trust Him. He is working all of these chapters in your life for good. Breathe and trust!

4. Much can be learned from homeschool parents that have gone before you. Listen, learn and consider other ways of doing things. Don’t be afraid to try new things.

5. Don’t copycat. On the other hand, blindly following isn’t good for anyone. Learn from others and adapt curricula and teaching styles to fit your unique family but don’t copy another family like some algebraic formula. There is no one formula for the perfect homeschool.

6. Just when you think you’ve got this thing…things change. Well, we wouldn’t want to grow complacent or overly self-assured, would we? If something isn’t working, change it. That is what eBay is for, no? Read, learn, pray, grow. If something is clearly not working in your homeschool, it is okay to change things up – even before the end of the semester/year.

7. Learning issues aren’t disabilities, they are differences. God makes no mistakes. People who learn differently were made that way by God. “So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord?” Exodus 4:11 Teach to your child’s learning style and keep working on the weaknesses.

8. Character-training is a subject. Make time for it. You’ll be glad you did.

9. Play is a subject for young kids. Kindergarten should take about half an hour. Read, love and play, play, play!

10. Interest-led learning is still learning. Text books are not the only way. Be brave – think outside the box!

11. Prepare for the teen years. Deal with your teens in an understanding way. What were you like when you were that age? A bit of compassion goes a long way. Oh, and the changes of adolescence can begin before the teen years. Be prepared!

12. There is extraordinary power in prayer. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

13. There is extraordinary power in the Word. Too busy for Bible study? Remember your goals – the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. (1Timothy 1:5) And this, “So then, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17

14. Observe and point out the impact of world views early and often. Teach your kids discernment. If you don’t know what a world view is, find out!

15. Teach apologetics earnestly. The Christian faith is under attack. May I dare to say that we are no longer in a post-modern culture but an anti-Christian one? Teach your kids the reason for their faith. “Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord.” Isaiah 1:18

16. Don’t compare. There is always someone that appears to have it all together. Yet, all of us have some trial or tribulation. God is weaving together your unique story for a great purpose.

17. It is unlikely that you will ever ‘get it all done’. What ever that even is! You may, however, get everything that you can done and that is okay!

18. Not to discourage you, but your house will never be clean! <grin>

What wisdom have you gained from your homeschooling years?

For more homeschool encouragement, visit Marianne at her blog Abundant Life.

Encouraging Gratitude: Teaching Children to Write Thank You Notes

Tips for Homeschooling Through the Holidays

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I’m not sure when I went from enjoying and anticipating the holidays to gradually tolerating and even dreading them.

It was probably some time after birthing and starting to homeschool eight children, running a home, serving at church and helping my entrepreneurial husband with his multitude of business ideas. I imagine that I am not alone in this lack of enthusiasm. It is easy to get anxious about the holidays when you consider all of the extras that will be added to your already overflowing plate with shopping, cooking, wrapping, and social commitments.

As a busy mom of many, one verse that I memorized, internalized and clung to from the early days is where Jesus said in Matthew 11:30,

“For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Which leaves a harried and overburdened soul with one simple conclusion… I must be carrying someone else’s load!

Tips for Homeschooling Through the Holidays

Pray
I suppose it is more natural in our humanness to look around for cues as to what to do with our families during the holiday season. If everyone else is doing it and appearing to enjoy it, maybe we should do it too. By praying about our family’s holiday celebrations, gift-giving, calendar and school schedule our family has been led to celebrate in lots of different ways. Some years we have continued schooling along with the public school schedule, other years we have taken off from Thanksgiving through the new year. Some years we have entertained, other years we have taken a family get away to the local mountains for some peace and quiet. Although at times we wondered about our decisions, in the end we were always blessed to seek and follow God’s promptings.

Relax
For many of us coming out of the public school system, there is a process of letting go of the school-at-home mentality. It makes us anxious to take a break from formal schooling for four weeks. In our home, we have settled on a small amount of core schooling (mainly math and phonics) during the holidays. We fill the rest of our days with read alouds, service opportunities, baking, crafting, shopping, letter writing and what ever else God lays on our hearts. For example, every year our family makes a calendar for our business clients. The kids help choose the photos, the layout and the captions. We have made homemade gifts and ornaments by searching online for ideas and choosing the ones that would apeal to our friends and families. The kids are busy baking and planning and wrapping – thinking of others and how to be a blessing. Moms who know will tell that building life skills and learning to serve as a family are just as important as academic skills.

Still worried about falling behind? Maybe it will encourage you to remember that the public schools have a lighter load during the holidays as well, often having holiday concerts, class parties, field trips as well as taking two or more weeks off. Don’t underestimate the power of working and playing together to prepare for the holidays. Holiday preparations are some of our children’s’ most memorable experiences of homeschooling.

Reflect
Taking time at the end of the year to reflect on the ups and downs your family has experienced can be a great way to refresh your vision and goals for your family. If you have never taken the time to create a family homeschool mission statement, you may want to do so now. A quick Google search will provide many ideas for simple ways to document your vision for your family.

Traditions
There is great value in fostering family traditions. They provide our kids with a strong sense of family identity, values, and generate wonderful memories.

Rather than have this become one more thing on your plate, consider simple things that you can do that don’t require great time or expense. Is there a special food your family can look forward to? Maybe you watch a classic Christmas movie together as a family each year. One thing our family does every year is to bake mountains of gingerbread cookies and invite the neighborhood kids over for a decorating fest. Easy, inexpensive and, really, who doesn’t like to decorate {and eat} a cookie or two?

Flexibility
Ask any veteran homeschool mom about planning for the holidays and the first thing she will tell you is to remain flexible. Every year is different. Every family is different. There will be illness, financial strains, family struggles, and any number of other variables to get in the way of your idea of a perfect holiday celebration. Don’t let these things trip you up and steal your joy. God uses these struggles to grow you and your children. As your children see you seeking God and finding peace in the storm, they will learn a lesson far more valuable than any traditional school subject.

Don’t let friends, family, your church or even your textbooks dictate how you will celebrate the holidays with your family. Ask God how He wants you to celebrate and let go of the rest.

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love