Tag Archives: hospitality

An Invitation To Dinner

“The heart of hospitality is when people leave your home, they should feel better about themselves, not better about you.” Shauna Niequist

I’m an introvert through and through. I’m the last person that should be giving hospitality advice. So, I won’t. I won’t give you advice. I will just share what God has allowed to happen in my home and in my heart recently.

Over the last 6 weeks we’ve been blessed to have several families into our home. This picture below was preparation for one of those evenings.

Look at this picture of my non-Pinterest-worthy table setting. Look closely at those chairs. They don’t match. They’re old. Their stained. For a split second I found myself thinking, “What am I thinking? I don’t even have enough chairs at this table for everyone that is coming?!”

But, thankfully, God intervened.

I think it is no accident that we learn of hospitality in the book of Acts, the earliest of churches.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer…Everyday they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.” Acts 2:42, 46-47.

They met at the temple, yes, but they also met regularly in each other’s homes. All Scripture is God breathed and useful…the writer of Acts mentions that they met in homes for a reason. And I think that reason is just as vital today as it was in the days of the early church.

But, hold up…wait a minute…I know what you’re thinking. My house isn’t big enough! (Mine, either, actually!) My chairs don’t match! I’m not a good cook! (Me, either! In fact, I hate cooking so much recently that I wrote a post called 20 meals for moms who hate cooking!) I just don’t know about this. I’m just not cut out for this.

I’m with you. I hear you. And here is what I want to tell you…

Take a chance. Do it anyway. Call a family and invite them over for dinner. Just do it. Take a risk. Step out of your comfort zone and bless another family. You don’t even have to cook, actually! Have pizza! Order Chinese! The point is not the food.

I can almost guarantee you will be thankful that you did. Do you know why??

We need each other.

To be quite honest, we need to see each other’s homes in all their non-Pinterest glory. We need to see the crumbs on the floor. We need to see that there are others out there that don’t dust weekly. We need to know that not everyone has matching dishes, coordinating everything and a family chef who does all the cooking. {pssst… if you have a personal chef, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.}

Hospitality is not about making your house look good so that others can be impressed. Hospitality is about letting people into your not-perfect home and your not-perfect life so that you can bless and encourage one another.

We need the fellowship, the encouragement, the memories, the conversations around the table more than we need the Pinterest-laden kitchen full of perfect recipes and coordinating dinnerware.

“Hospitality is not about inviting people into our perfect homes, it is all about inviting people into our imperfect hearts.” Ruth Soukup

So, busy moms, what are you waiting for? Don’t try to convince yourself that you’re too busy to invite a friend over for coffee or a family over for dinner. Don’t talk yourself out of a blessing!! Go ahead! Who can you call this week?? I encourage you to go for it! You won’t regret it!

And if, like me, you tend to overthink everything and will try to talk yourself out of this, speak this truth aloud to yourself: My friends want to come over because they want to spend time with me and my family, NOT because I have a perfect home or a perfect table setting. It’s the truth, I promise.

Resolve to Make Home Rather Than Just Clean Home this New Year

6 Replies

I don’t know about you, but many times as I am planning out my goals and resolutions for the new year they often include something along the lines of,

“This will be the year that I get on top of my house cleaning and get everything organized!”

But, like many resolutions, within weeks the work becomes exhausting and seemingly unmanageable and my motivation wanes.

“Why do all this if people just tear it apart behind me?”

“I feel like a maid!”

“Eh, anything below hoarder status is good enough!”

And before you know it I’m right back where I began!

This year, however, I’m daring to think about things differently. Rather than focus solely on the cleaning and to-do list of what needs to be done, I want to reframe the entire idea of what it is I am trying to do with all that cleaning and effort. I want my focus to shift from performing cleaning tasks to creating atmosphere. I want the big picture to be the center of my resolve.

Instead of thinking, “If someone walks in my house I don’t want them to see one single dish in the sink!”

I want to turn my demanding thinking into a question, “If someone walks into my house, how will they feel? What will they not only see, but smell, hear, touch and even taste?”

Aww- it is at that point that I transform from a maid into a homemaker. I become a creator of things beautiful and peaceful and lovely. I decide to fully immerse myself in the lost art of truly making a home- a place of refuge where people enjoy being. That doesn’t mean it has to be spotless, but rather, tidy enough to be comfortable and soothing to the soul. It doesn’t make it any less work, in fact true homemaking will require even extra effort, but it is not frivolous effort of menial tasks with no purpose- it is the hard work of creating an environment that will forever be etched in my children’s memories of what home was and is and should be.

How do we do it though?

It’s lovely to talk about, but how do we actually make this happen throughout the spaces of our busy lives? Well, I don’t claim to be an expert by any means, but here is my plan-

Delegate! Don’t expect to be able to do it all yourself, unless you live alone! Hard work and responsibility is good for kids. Teach them the value now of helping clean and tidy things to create an overall more comfortable place to live. Help them find the joy in creating a lovely abode with you.

Be Reasonable! Expecting to get on top of everything in one day, one week, or maybe even one month, can cause you to give up quickly when it becomes impossible.

Make a master list of organizing goals you want to accomplish in your home and schedule them all throughout the first quarter of the year.
Divide up your house cleaning tasks so that you do a little each day and don’t become bogged down by the cleaning.
Create solid “snatch and grab” times throughout your day when everyone stops what they are doing and quickly tidies things up before they get out of control.

It’s the 10 minutes here and there that keep it manageable, not the 3-day-long binge cleaning episodes.

Add beauty! It’s the little touches that make a house a home. Don’t get so caught up in the cleaning that you neglect this very important piece of the puzzle.

Light a nice soy candle (ya know- something non-toxic) or diffuse some essential oils- create the scents that will trigger your children’s memories of home when they are older.
Add a small bouquet of flowers to your kitchen table.
Search for some fun, free word art printables on Pinterest that you can put in cheap frames and display around the house. You can even take this one a step farther and spraypaint the frames a cute, festive color for the season!
Get a framed chalkboard, or even paint a whole wall with chalkboard paint, and write lovely sayings and encouragement to your family on it. It’s super simple and you can change it whenever you want!
Rather then handing your children a quick snack in the afternoon, pull out some sweet little saucers (you could pick some up at a garage sale for pennies) with an assortment of cookies and maybe even a cup of tea.

Do little things to make regular moments special and meaningful. It really doesn’t take much more effort than you would otherwise put into things, but that little bit of extra forethought can transform how your family thinks of home and what they will remember into the future.

The goal here is not to land our homes on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens or become militant about our spaces. It is about reclaiming a lost art- one that women of the past proudly claimed as their own and went to great lengths for. Caroline, from Little House in the Big Woods, even dyed her butter with the juice from carrots in the winter time before setting it in a decorative mold so that it would have the proper hue and be desirable to the eye. She didn’t have much and her life was by no means extravagant, but what she did have she made beautiful just for the sake of being beautiful. It was how she blessed her family.

May we be like Caroline and graciously bless our families with joy as we do the little things to make home for them, and ourselves, this new year! Now go, and be blessed, you lovely homemakers, you!

Three Resolutions You Can Cross Off Your List Today

2 Replies

Honestly, I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions anymore. What seems like a great idea on December 30th (when real life is on pause for a week) often loses its do-ability around the sixth of January.

Or sooner.

But I love the time of reflection and resolve that naturally occurs with the beginning of a new year. As I think about what I want to do differently, it helps to focus on things that I can put into motion right away.

Things I can put in place while life is slow that will change how we live when it speeds back up.

Resolutions/Goals/Whatever-You-Want-to-Call-Them

#1: Be More Hospitable

This one is always on my list. We’re social people, energized by connections with friends. But life gets going, the house gets “lived in” and too much time passes without bringing others into our home. There is one thing, however, that is guaranteed to light my fire, get the house clean, and ensure there’s a hot meal ready to serve.

A doorbell.

If I know the time when my doorbell will ring, things happen. Friends come over, we laugh, and I’m always glad I went through whatever it took to be willing to open my front door.

So what can do today that will make all this happen? Look at my calendar and pick up my phone. It takes five minutes to text (or even call!) two or three of those people we’ve been meaning to have over for dinner. Mark down some dates, and this resolution is well on its way to being met.

#2: Be a Fun Mom

I love it when my kids get crafty. I just don’t love it when their bursts of creativity happen in a moment when we don’t have time to unearth the stack of recycled paper or the package of popsicle sticks I know I stuffed somewhere.

Filling a kid-accessible shelf with scissors, markers, glue and duct tape means my kids know just where to go when inspiration strikes. (It also creates a home for those random items.)

An hour of fun-and-focused supply-gathering today means hours of spontaneous creativity can happen in the future.

#3: Feed My Family Home-Cooked Meals

Oh, the guilt that creeps into my Mommy Soul when life gets crazy and the drive thru starts to feel way too familiar. I’m passionate about eating together as a family every night, but sometimes gymnastics and baseball and church activities combine to make it almost impossible to spend any leisurely time in the kitchen.

I’ve found my own version of freezer cooking to be the solution that allows me to get home-cooked meals on the table in minutes. We aren’t casserole-a-holics around our house, but if I will take an hour or three to brown a jumbo pack of ground beef or bake two cookie-sheets full of chicken breasts, future meal-prep is significantly simpler. Once the meat has cooled, I bag it in meal-sized portions to freeze. This lets me skip the time-consuming and messy step of cooking the meat for most meals.

A few hours (or less) of work today, and my big, daunting resolutions seem significantly more realistic. What resolutions can you check off your list today?

The Hospitality Blues

2 Replies

What happens when you hear the word hospitality?

Do you feel warm and fuzzy inside? Can you picture yourself curled up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee, laughing with friends in front of a fire?

Or do you panic?

Do you feel the pressure of unreachable expectations? Do you resent the cold weather that means you can’t suggest celebrating Thanksgiving at the park?

This time of year brings natural opportunities to host others in my home. I used to have big dreams of being the hostess with the mostest who threw big shindigs at every opportunity. I gathered ideas for decorating and entertaining. I imagined cooking all day and serving multiple courses to my guests.

I read the magazines. I watched the shows.

When my husband and I had our first home, I looked for opportunities to entertain. I would clean like a madwoman to get my messy house presentable, and then spend all my remaining energy (and money) creating a delicious (and complicated) meal.

When it was over, I was exhausted. Each party required weeks of my time and most of my energy.

And then I had kids. Suddenly, blocking out weeks of time to obsess over a party was not an option.

My hostessing became less frequent and eventually almost non-existent.

My heart longed to have people in my home, but I didn’t think I could.

And then I opened my big mouth (and my trembling heart) and volunteered our home for weekly small group meetings with our church. My husband looked at me with panic in his eyes.

Weekly. That meant every week. Like, every single week. He knew how crazy I got when I was expecting the doorbell to ring.

Four years later, I look back on that what-was-I-thinking moment as one of the best decisions I ever made.

My entire view of hospitality has changed. The relationships my husband and I have made with those in our small group have meant so much to us.

And that’s what it’s about. Relationships.

True hospitality isn’t about impressing people or creating the most gorgeous fall display. It’s not about serving bacon-wrapped shrimp or filet Mignon.

It’s about providing a place to be. A place to sit. A place to relax and let down your guard.

A place where people can be themselves and share their lives with one another.

There have been weeks over the past four years when I have served a meal and there have been weeks when I popped popcorn. There have also been times when friends stopped to pick up pizza because no one had time to cook.

There have been weeks when my sink was full of dishes that wouldn’t fit into the dishwasher because I got off my kitchen-cleaning rhythm over a crazy weekend. There have been times when people had to walk across newspapered floor to get through a half-painted entryway.

And no one minds. We’re all thankful just to be together. To have a place to be.

I rarely host the big events anymore. I prefer to host people.

Tips for Parenting Food Allergic Kids {Holiday Meal Ideas}

11 Replies

If your kids have food allergies like mine do, you know the frustration of large get togethers that center around food. It’s just hard. Nothing replaces the feeling of being left out, especially when that is part of every holiday memory you have. Thankfully kids get focused on playing, but there is inevitably time at the table, and that’s hard! Other than skipping the mealtime altogether (which my kids don’t want to do when given the choice), we resolve do the best we can. Honestly, it’s a lot of work for me, but it is always worth it when I see my kids’ plates licked clean of their favorite foods.

I thought I’d share how I do our traditional Thanksgiving meal free of the eight major allergens and corn. Keep in mind, it’s not made to be full of gourmet recipes, but alternatives to the main family meal (because we get together with many other people who cook) that are still delicious but simple to do… a way to include everyone without making an entirely different meal.

EveRy food allergy family has different needs, so find what works here and leave the rest. Use your safe something and make something else work. You know food allergy mamas are the queens of modifying! I’ve been unspecific on purpose, because we all have our own spreads, margarines, oils, amounts etc that work for our specific needs. I’m just sharing how we think out of the box. And I have no photos because I can’t wait until next Thursday to take them all so I can share them with you!

Turkey
I get fresh turkey legs or thighs from the butcher at my higher end grocery store, put them in the crock pot with at least 1 cup of broth or water (more if I want to make gravy), and set them to cook on high for a few hours(less than 4 hours for 4 legs) … I just watch to see when it’s done.*
*I buy meat with no ingredient list, which means nothing has been injected into it. The injected solutions are not corn or other allergy friendly.

Gravy
I keep things pretty simple in the kitchen, as you’ll notice as this post goes on. I have no idea how everyone else makes gravy or what they do to complicate it, but I’m the hired gravy-maker now for our family gatherings, and people keep going back for more. I take the broth leftover from the crock pot (fat included), bring it to a boil (high heat) in a skillet. Turn down to medium-low, and add brown rice flour, whisking consistently (though not necessarily non-stop) as it boils. Keep whisking and simmer for 2-3 minutes while it thickens, repeating this step until it’s as thick as you like it. Salt to taste.

Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes are a tough thing since so many sweet potato casserole recipes our kiddos will see are covered with marshmallows and loaded with sugar, milk and eggs. What I do now is bake sweet potatoes in their peel (poke with a fork, bake at 425 until they’re soft), peel them, place in small casserole dish, mash lightly with a fork, stir in some liquid (safe milk alternative or chicken broth), add margarine (or your safe spread), then top with brown sugar and cinnamon. It’s okay if they’re loaded with sugar… everyone else’s recipes are too!

Dressing… or is it stuffing?
Either way, I got nothin’ for ya’ because we don’t like it, so I’ve never tried to replace it! (Post a comment if you have a recipe to share.)

Mashed Potatoes
We make our mashed potatoes with chicken broth instead of milk, and safe margarine or oil instead of butter. The chicken broth adds so much flavor, we prefer them over those made with milk and butter now!
Or go really easy (no one will tell your mother) and use these instant flakes! Potatoes only!

Something Green
Ummm, do they really have to eat something green? I suppose to be helpful I’ll add that steamed veggies with a holiday-amount of your favorite spread are permissable. My kids love salad, so when I require them to eat something green at a holiday meal (really, never) I give them that, and it’s really easy to make match for every guest who will attend.

Rolls
Sometimes I make safe rolls, depending on how well I’m doing on getting everything else done… usually that’s not very well, so most years the kids have had toast (on their safe bread), warmed and slathered with their margarine (or whatever you prefer) and honey. If I get my act together a few days early, I make the safe dough or rolls and freeze them to easily bake or thaw Thanksgiving morning. (For gluten free “rolls,” I make the same dough I use for bread and bake it in muffin tins.) Cranberry muffins made safely are perfect too.*
*In quick breads or muffins, I use familiar wheat recipes and sub brown rice flour cup for cup with excellent results. And I use 1T flax meal stirred into 3T warm water for each egg I need to substitute. These make for easy allergy free baking and avail a lot of options!

Dessert
I’ll admit, I’ve tried and failed at a number of allergy friendly pie recipes. The dairy-corn-wheat-egg free pumpkin pie was gross and the dairy-corn-wheat-egg free pecan pie (we’re obviously not nut free around here!) was very runny, though still delicious. I’ve settled on a good old modified apple crisp. Smells like fall as it bakes, and can be loaded with doubled topping for extra holiday fun! Oatmeal raisin cookies are my most successful allergy free cookie recipe, and can be pre-made, frozen and then warmed just in time for dessert too!

Allergy Free Apple Crisp

6 medium tart apples, sliced and peeled
2 1/4 cups turbinado, raw or brown sugar
1 1/2 cups brown rice flour
1 1/2 cups oats (gluten free if you need that)
1/3 cup oil (just enough to coat the topping when stirred)
2 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
2 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

Arrange sliced apples in pan. Mix all other ingredients and sprinkle over apple layer.
Bake at 375 for about 30 minutes, or until topping is lightly browned.

Drinks
This might seem like a silly one, but to a corn allergy child, prepared drink options are severely limited. I make sweet tea beforehand to make sure he has something he loves.

A few other tips:
Feed them a snack before you arrive or before the meal. If they’re not starving, their eyes and stomach will be much more satisfied with what they can have instead of what they can’t have.
Fix their plate for them (before you call them to the table) so they don’t have to walk through the line and see what everyone else might be having.
If dessert isn’t an organized event, don’t feel the need to call them when everyone else comes. Leave them playing and feed them their dessert whenever they come looking.
As silly as it sounds, fun holiday paper plates & cups or beautiful china makes a different meal really exciting too… it takes the focus off the food!
Create “matching” food only for the things they like. One year I went to great effort to make a safe green bean casserole… only to be reminded how much my son hates green beans. Now I just “match” the foods I know my kids love. They have a plate full of their favorite foods, and are very happy to not have to eat broccoli! (I avoid any and all food battles on holidays as a gift to my food-allergy-mama self. I encourage you to do the same!)

Most importantly, don’t encourage (or allow) a “poor me” attitude about their allergies. They are tough, for real, but some people can’t run, or hear, or even swallow. Help your children keep in perspective that there is much they can enjoy as a kiddo with food allergies, and all their favorite foods on Thanksgiving are a great beginning!

Now it’s your turn. Share your suggestions or post links to your allergy free recipes here!

Precious Priority: Family Mealtimes

4 Replies

Ahhhhhhh—Thanksgiving. It reminds me of a simpler time.

I love Thanksgiving because it’s the one time of year that beckons us home, but without the pressure and expectations of gifts.

The memories without the mayhem, if you will.

I tell my children of my love for Thanksgiving and they remind me that they love mealtime at our house. Not just the fancy meals, either. Their appreciation comes from a certainty that at the end of the day, we’re together. Candles lit. Music playing.

Toddler fussing.

Milk spilling.

Teenagers talking.

Daddy praying.

Mealtime.

We live in a culture that has largely forgotten the power of a shared meal. There is something missing when we rush from one hurried day to the next. We think we’re saving time to rush through the drive-thru again. But really, we’re not saving anything. Days turn to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years.

Where we spend our time is a window into our hearts: it’s an indicator of where our hearts are.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

For me, Thanksgiving is a reminder of how fast my life is going by. Each holiday that passes I know I am another year closer to a quiet house. Mealtimes are markers for me. I think just last year, I had a babe inside me and a preschooler vying for my attention as I muddled my way through learning how to use my slow cooker. Mmmmm. No, that was not last year. That was nearly twenty years ago. Can we really s l o w d o w n?

Mealtimes beckon.

Time is passing. That’s probably the real message my heart receives as I plan Thanksgiving dinner. Again.

I ask myself, “Where are your priorities? What is truly precious in this life?”

And in my heart, I know the answer. The best memories we share will never be found in the drive-thru of life.

The best memories are more of a “sit down” affair. An affair of the heart. An investment. An open-door, company-for-dinner, home cooked investment.

Doesn’t have to be perfect. Mac-n-cheese at the table is just as beautiful to your children as filet mignon 🙂 It’s not about the food. It’s about the priority.

If you’re looking for a place to start making an investment into the heart of your family, the dinner table is a very, very good place to start.

Saturday is for Sprucing Up!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love