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The Dark Side of History: Why Looking Back Matters for the Future with Linda Lacour Hobar | 833

Do you know how important it is to study history? For one thing, we can learn how to avoid the mistakes made by previous generations—but studying history also gives us an opportunity to ask crucial questions such as “why does God allow bad things to happen?” Join me today as I talk with my friend, author and speaker, Linda Lacour Hobar (TheMysteryofHistory.com) about why history matters and how we can learn from it!

Transcribed version of podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Matthew 18:21-27

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

  • The Dark Side of History
  • Coupon for the full FREE MP4 VIRTUAL workshop, “Dealing with the
    DARK SIDE of History” (a $9.99 offer) Code: moreofthedarkside
  • Coupon for $20 off of our Volume III and IV “Video Lectures on Demand”
    series (a great place to practice the “Dark Side Life Questions” with
    middle or high school students.) Regularly $99/year of lectures. With
    code, $79! Code: Heidi

All Things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

Linda Lacour Hobar, author of The Mystery of History, is a passionate follower of Christ, a genuine people-person, and a fan of comfortable high-heels. Through homeschooling and missionary service, she discovered a deep love for world history and a clear call to write. In its 19th year of worldwide circulation, The Mystery of History has been well received by all ages for its warmth and readability. A native-born Texan, Linda holds a Bachelor’s degree from Baylor University, where she first fell in love with world history. She resides in Tennessee where she continues to obsess over matters big and small.

Connect with Linda: Website | Facebook

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

[Heidi] Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to my little corner of the internet. Today is Friday, October 18th. This is episode number 833. This is meet my friend Friday. You guys know that I love to have men and women on the show who are passionate followers of Jesus Christ and who are making a difference in the culture and today is no different. My friend Linda Hobar, the author of the Mystery of History is here today and we’re going to be talking about some of the more difficult aspects of understanding history and the dark side of history in particular. But you know what, you guys, I know you’re going to be encouraged, so stick around. We’re going to have a great conversation.

All right everybody, thanks for tuning in today. Lots of stuff going on in my life. I will be in Lincoln, Nebraska tomorrow for a women’s event. Come on out and see me. Thanks to everybody who came to Faith that Speaks, my women’s conference last weekend in Vancouver, Washington. I am excited to see what God does with you as you follow him and learn to speak the truth of the word of God. Not only into the lives of your children, but into the lives of everyone who God gives you influence with. So thanks for everybody for coming along with me on that journey. Also, we want to say thank you for leaving reviews for the podcast over at iTunes. This podcast is routinely heard by over a hundred thousand listeners every time we put it out now and we’re so thankful for all of you who are listening and sharing the podcast with your friends.

If you’ve got show ideas or you’ve got a question that you’d like me to address at Mailbox Monday, we have created a page just for you. You can go to Heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. We stopped taking them in email form, frankly because I’m losing them. So if you would go to that page, Heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. There’s a form for you to fill out. Please keep your questions short and sweet and to the point. And we would love to answer them here at the show. All right, without further ado, I am excited to introduce my friend Linda to you. Linda and I have been friends for quite a while. We met out on the homeschool circuit. Linda is very well known in homeschooling. She is the author of the Mystery of History. She is originally from Texas and she now lives over there in Memphis, Tennessee. And I love this woman. She is a homeschool mom and just a firecracker for the Lord. Linda Hobar welcome to the podcast.

[Linda] Thank you. Thank you Heidi. So good to be here.

[Heidi] It’s good to hear your voice and it’s kind of interesting for me to be talking to you this way because usually when I see you it’s your husband and my husband out on the road schlepping books and talking to people. So this is a little bit of a different context for us.

[Linda] Totally. Yes. We’re usually slinging product as my son would say.

[Heidi] That’s right. That’s right. And you have been writing a history curriculum for quite a while, just for people who weren’t familiar with you. Because we have quite a few people listening to the show now who are either brand new to homeschooling or they are not homeschooling. So how long and how many books, how many, how long have you been writing and what are the books that you’ve put out? Because I think Mystery of History is what, in it’s 19th year or something like that.

[Linda] Yes. Yes. Well in a quick nutshell, I felt called to start writing in the year 2000, there’s a story there, it was sort of a midlife crisis. But honestly the Lord gave me the title, the Mystery of History, and I knew what it was immediately. It really was a sense of a calling for me to really tell the story, the mystery being the story of Jesus Christ in the context of world history, which is something I happen to love. So I started writing almost 20 years ago now and I have four volumes out. So we cover ancient times, medieval, the Renaissance, and modern. So the series is complete. The last year that I actually wrote about was the year 2014.

[Heidi] Oh my goodness. Well, I know we’ve used it in our house and we carry it here at the Homeschool Resource Center in Vancouver and it’s very, very well loved and very well written. I love listening to you speak because you really do have a passion about history and teaching kids history and you’re not afraid to jump into the harder things in history. And I think sometimes as parents we either sort of skate around them or we sort of push it to the side. And because there’s so much going on.

You and I were just talking about this before the show aired. We’re living in some pretty incredible times right now. Very, very hard things that we’re dealing with a lot of spiritual oppression, a lot of spiritual darkness in the world. And we’re going to be talking a little bit about world history and the dark side of that. But I gotta ask you a question. When you think about what’s going on with history, particularly, does the dark side of history get you down?

[Linda] Oh, that’s a great question. Yes and no. I have been studying it for 20 years. And the peculiar thing about me liking history is that I am a highly sensitive person. I’m an empath. I’m kind of a softie. So you would think someone like me might be deterred from loving the subject. But honestly the opposite is true. I think people with high feelings, which I’m very feelings driven. I’m a Mary, not a Martha. I think people like me, we gravitate toward history because this may sound weird, but I’d almost rather feel something than nothing. So staring into world history and into the abyss, you’re always going to feel something. And that motivates me to look at this thinly veiled subject and truly examine it. So yeah, that’s kind of my answer.

[Heidi] Yeah, yeah. And when really if we look at history and study it for what it is, we’re also learning from it. But it seems like the more we understand about history, it helps us to sort of frame what’s happening around us now. Do you think that’s true?

[Linda] Oh yes, absolutely. I mean, history repeats itself because of the nature of mankind. Nothing new under the sun. Nothing new.

[Heidi] Yeah, socialism anyone.

[Linda] Oh goodness. Don’t even get me started. We don’t have time.

[Heidi] I had Dr. Pest on the show with me a couple of months ago and he just, I mentioned socialism, that guy just went off like a, like a rocket. He was just like, listen, part of the reason why we were even talking about socialism is because we don’t know history, right. Do you think, would you say that? Would you agree?

[Linda] Oh, I would totally echo that. And you just have to look at Vladimir Lenin and Joseph Stalin and get the facts. I mean start there.

[Heidi] Yeah, yeah. And you, so we’re going to talk a little bit about the dark side of history to which hello Lenin, Stalin. They they sort of all fall into that dark side of history, which we really need to learn from. But I know that you, I’ve listened to you speak, I mean dozens and dozens of times over the years. I love how you interact with teenagers especially because I think you have a gift for, it really is a gift. I think people either can either talk to teens or they can’t. And you really can. And I heard you share a story one time and I’m going to ask you to share it again today because it kind of gets us off on this road of dealing with the dark side of history. So what is the story? Do you have time? Can you share it with us?

[Linda] Yes, absolutely.

[Heidi] All right, let’s hear it because I love me a good story.

[Linda] Okay. Okay, well the story I’d like to take your listeners who today is that of Mount Vesuvius. So it’s the story of the destruction of Pompeii and that means we get to just step into the first century. So imagine Heidi, it’s August 24th, 79 A.D. and you’ve got farmers farming and kids playing and dogs barking. And who knows? Moms are probably tripping on toys in the hall. But on that day the churning and burning was under Mount Vesuvius. Now when it erupted, it was different than ordinary volcanoes in that it didn’t just ooze hot lava. Actually the pressure was so intense underneath Vesuvius that when it blew, it held and suspended all the debris up in the air for like 11 hours.

[Heidi] What?

[Linda] So of course some residents fled, they tried to get out by horseback, by boat, but the seas were choked up by ash and some perished just trying to get out. But the worst that happened, just picture this, is it after 11 hours, those columns of ash and all the violence up in the atmosphere, it collapsed. And so when it swept through the city of Pompeii, it was more like a hurricane. It was like an atomic bomb. And the city of Pompeii was ground zero. And it sat mysteriously for about 1500 years, just destroyed and untouched. It was not until the 1700’s that we really got the whole story. But what we found were these perfectly preserved remnants of a day in the life of the Roman empire because all that ash, it petrified things that were caught on the run. So the bodies of the dead, they did decay in time. But these shells remain. So if you went there today, which many people do, you can still see these skeletal remains that are sort of in a cocoon of ash. It’s quite something.

[Heidi] Is it sort of like being covered by a plaster kind of, like a …

[Linda] Yes, that would be a good way to describe it.

[Heidi] Like encased?

[Linda] Yes. Yes. And there’s lots of pictures on the internet if you want to see it, but the reason I bring this story up is that while it’s morbid, what a great opportunity to peel back this subject and talk about life’s most important questions. For example, so I have three life questions for you, okay. The first would be like, I think if I was reading this to a student, I would probably say something like, “Honey, this is a sad story. It really reminds me of,” and then we would fill in the blank with whatever most recent natural disaster had occurred in our area. And I would say, “Wow, it makes me think, are we ever guaranteed another day of life?”

Well, of course you let your student respond. Let them think out loud because listen, kids can connect the dots pretty well, especially by age 11. That’s when they are so ready for this subject. It’s my favorite age to teach world history by the way. But listen, all kids kind of will realize every part of the globe has natural disasters. Now, they may not have a volcano in their backyard, but we know there’s…

[Heidi] I do. I have a volcano in my backyard.

[Linda] Well I don’t, but there’s floods, tornadoes, wildfires, hurricanes. And so after I think a student shares the obvious, which is that none of us are safe from natural disaster. I think you agree with them. But then take them took God’s word. And here’s a favorite passage about just the brevity of life. Like James 4:14, that’s the one that says, “Come now you who say today or tomorrow we’ll go to such and such a city. Spend a year there, buy and sell, blah, blah, blah. Where as you do not know what will happen tomorrow for what is your life. It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.”

So there’s that passage. Now, what I like about that passage, the front end really talks about the temporal. It’s like people are out shopping right when yet we don’t know that tomorrow we will open our eyes. So when you get to that depth with your child, well then I think that naturally brings up their readiness for life after death. So of course you want to prompt them to keep digging. And the question, then the next question is, well, what happens when we die? Now of course there’s lots of really good books and resources in the Bible to answer that. But I will share one of my favorite straightforward verses on this.

How about John 3:36 that’s the one that says, “He who believes in the son has everlasting life and he who does not believe the son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.” Oh my goodness Heidi. Imagine how assuring that verse is to a child who believes, but really how terrifying to the child that doesn’t, which then is the golden opportunity to take them to the next step and the next level. And discuss their salvation as in how are we saved. Well once again, there’s lots of resources to help you answer that life question to your student, but I will share with you one of my favorite verses, Romans 10:9. You know this one that says, “If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Can I hear an amen?

[Heidi] Amen. You can hear it from me.

[Linda] Yeah. I have to tell you this real quick, Heidi. It’s interesting the timing of our broadcast today because just this week I received an email from a mom who wrote to say that her son was in world history looking through the Mystery of History and there is a place in my books where I will point kids to the plan of salvation, which is spelled out in the back of the book and she just wanted us to know that he had reached that point and he was ready to pray and receive Christ. I mean that’s just really the, oh, now listen, not to knock down spelling or science, they’re important. They’re going to change the world through other subjects. But history is a unique subject that the best way to deal with the dark side of it, it’s to ask questions. It begs questions.

[Heidi] And really we’re not focused much. It seems like we’re doing a lot of revisionist history out in the culture today. We’re kind of, we’re putting things aside. When parents say to you, because I know that you’ve got to get this question a lot because I get it here at the podcast. Why should I bother teaching my child history when I’ve got math and science and reading and language to do? What’s your answer?

[Linda] Oh my goodness. Well after I’d pick myself off the floor.

[Heidi] Right.

[Linda] I believe I would challenge that person to really think of the fact that cause and effect is everything in world history. We’ve got to see the past to be prepared for the future.

[Heidi] That’s right.

[Linda] Whenever you study the people in history will then that there’s a timelessness in that because the character mankind is the same since the garden. And furthermore, there’s just the relevance. We could look to our headlines today and trace back so many things to the 1500’s, the 1600’s, I could go on and on. But yes, there’s relevance. And then of course there’s God’s hand tied in it. I think there’s his sovereign plan woven in. I think we see his hand because of the story of redemption, reconciliation. So yeah, it’s kind of important this subject to me.

[Heidi] When do we start talking about history? How do we do that? What’s a good jumping off place?

[Linda] Oh, good question Heidi. And the truth is a lot of us with kindergarten, first, second, we’re starting with basics. And honestly those are the lap years. You’ve got colors, numbers, all that good stuff. And sometimes it’s around second grade that maybe it’s like bum, bum, bum. All of a sudden world history enters in and it’s pretty morbid and disturbing. And what’s interesting is that a lot of little guys actually fall in love with world history, anywhere between kindergarten and second grade. But the reason they do that is because in their naiveté, they like blood, guts, and the stench of death. At least they think they do because they’re kids. They kind of have that heroic, glamorized notion of war and battle and chivalry, and it just starts young. It’s good guys, bad guys. So certainly take advantage of that.

And I would say begin to introduce stories, but honestly, when you’re going to start going deeper and digging is when they’re third, fourth, fifth, and we’re on another level now. The 11 year old is so primed because I think that they are young enough to be idealistic but old enough to truly recognize evil in this world. And the world has no answers for evil. Only God’s word has answers. That’s where you’re going to take them. I do have to ask you a quick question, Heidi. Do you remember how old you were when you learned about the Holocaust?

[Heidi] Oh my goodness. I want to say I was maybe fourth grade, fifth grade, somewhere in there.

[Linda] I think also I was about fifth grade and I remember it because of those graphic black and white photos and I really wasn’t sure what scared me more. The emaciated corpses or just the incarcerated. But I do know this, I asked inside whether or not I was ever going to have to face anything like that. And that legitimate question is what you, that’s your platform with your students. The legitimate questions they’ll ask because of something horrific that they will see. Like is that going to happen to me? Is that going to happen to my country or you just keep going because it’s not hard to find evil in our headlines.

[Heidi] Mm-hmm. Oh, that’s right. And this is a really good place for parents to talk to their kids about last month we remember 9/11 as we do every year and that was a terrifying day. A lot of our kids now can remember that. It’s at least in there, it’s a distant memory for them. But they remember it. And it gives you an opportunity to talk about those really hard things. Linda, when you’re getting ready to start, let’s say a family’s getting ready, they haven’t studied world history before or they haven’t ever really dug into it. Where do we start? Where’s a good place to start?

[Linda] You really want to start in ancient times because you want to lay this biblical framework and weave secular and sacred history together. So you want to find on the same timeline these Bible characters that your students might be learning about in Sunday school, but you’re going to put them on the same timeline as King Tut and Cleopatra and Alexander the Great who they don’t get to meet in Sunday school. That is the ideal place to start. Now, if for some reason people have already covered ancient times, anyone can jump into the next time period or the next and be fine with my books. They are stand-alones but truly because of cause and effect, it’s nice to go in order. I could talk for an hour about the value of chronological history. But again…

[Heidi] Well, break it down for me. Because I actually think that’s interesting. I don’t think people understand that. And I was fortunate enough because of what I do for a living to have met some wonderful homeschoolers who have gone before me and they all say the same thing, that the chronological part of it is really important. But I don’t think most people understand that. So can you just flesh that out for just a minute?

[Linda] Sure. I’ll give you one fun example. Actually fun’s not the right word. One serious example would be when you’re studying the fall of the Western Roman empire. All right, so you’re in, I don’t know about the late 400’s. Then the truth of the matter is after that society collapse, because by the way about outside invasion and they had a border issue and all sorts of things, inflation, you could say the moral code. So as the Western empire…

[Heidi] Very similar to what we’ve got going on today.

[Linda] Very, yes. So as the Western Roman empire collapsed, the results of it are that really ushered in the dark ages. Literally. Because you don’t have the same police, you don’t have the same hospitals, you don’t have the same government, everything is just kind of unraveled. And so your whole society steps into the dark ages, which most of us have heard of. That’s a real direct cause and effect. And for a time as people are just struggling to survive, then they’re going to let go of the arts, they’re going to let go of the fluffy stuff and the luxuries of life, they’re just going to get back to basic farming. And so that is a real good cause and effect to look at, but you need to study it in order to appreciate that.

[Heidi] Right, right. And so then they go from there. And your favorite aspect of teaching history? Because like I said, I wish people could hear you and watch you teach because you have kind of a fire in you when you teach it and you’re obviously interested in what you’re teaching, which that’s what makes a good teacher, right? That they love with their teaching. When a parent is teaching this to their child rather than just, let’s sit down and read history, how can they make this sort of history come alive for their kids? I know that in our home over the years, we’ve all become sort of buffs of history. We just love to talk about it and it’s amazing. Like you were just saying, you can really relate it to today, right?

[Linda] Oh yes, absolutely.

[Heidi] So what are some ways that parents can help their children engage so that it’s not just this thing that we’re doing by rote or sitting down, let’s read a book for 15 minutes or whatever. But that they can help engage their students in the process of learning history.

[Linda] Sure. I have two answers for that. The first is always focus on the people rather than the dates and events when and if you can.

[Heidi] So good.

[Linda] My favorite example of that has to be Cleopatra. If you looked up Cleopatra in the index of most history books, you know what they’ll have? One lame paragraph saying she’s the last of the Ptolemys. Well, I don’t know about you, but that’s going to put me to sleep. For one, you can’t even pronounce Ptolemy, it starts with a P. So the student’s confused from the get go.

But if you want to tell me that she met Julius Caesar wrapped up in a carpet and wanted to take over the known world and then got involved with this man who then is assassinated on the ides of March. And so she married Mark Antony who dresses up like an Egyptian. And the two will eventually take their lives. And because they do, to learn that Octavian their enemy becomes Caesar Augustus. And would proclaim that a census be taken, which will lead Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem to fulfill prophecy. That will keep my eyes open. Okay?

[Heidi] Right.

[Linda] It’s like you just have to look at the people, follow the drama, follow the story, and God’s hand is in it. It’s there. So that’s one answer is follow the people. But number two, it certainly is true that a lot of kids, because they’re kids, they are still going to learn through their hands and their senses. And so I provide hundreds of hands on activities for our little learners. So when they studied the ice age, they get to have a contest where they lay ice on their belly and see who can keep it there the longest or they’re going to build Mount Vesuvius or they’re going to just do something with dinosaurs and try to build Stonehenge or there’s just numerous hands on events. Because with the little guys, again, they’re not connecting all the dots, but by using their senses, they’re becoming familiar with the stories. Then when they’re in the middle years, they begin to connect. And then when they’re older, they’re going to approach it from an apologetics view and get to the deeper source. Again, of the answers to life, which are found in God’s word.

[Heidi] I love it. I love how you always turn readers back to God’s word. That’s what we try to do here at the podcast.

[Linda] We have to.

[Heidi] And you’ve been doing, I know, right, because it doesn’t matter outside of that, right. If we can’t turn them back to the Lord and can’t turn them back to God’s story, just really history is his story, right? It’s the unfolding of God’s plan for humanity. And you’ve got more stories, more life, more questions. How can listeners get those?

[Linda] Yes. Well let’s see for one I do have on my website just even one single document that is 20 life questions that have biblical answers that you could attach to numerous stories from history so they can find that on themysteryofhistory.com. We’ll put that in your show notes, the exact link. Okay.

[Heidi] Sounds good.

[Linda] And again, I do have four volumes of world history that I hope your families will be interested in looking into. And again, one of my shortcuts to getting to sometimes a pertinent period of time is let’s say all of a sudden you need to be in the Renaissance because that’s where your co-op is. But you missed the middle ages. Well, families can really shortcut through history by listening to audio books. And I have an audio book for every time period so you can listen on a long trip to ancient times, medieval or what have you. So I always like to promote those.

[Heidi] I love it. And you’ve got a coupon for a free MP4 virtual workshop, right, called dealing with the dark side of history, which is a $10 value and people can get that today with using the code moreofthedarkside. So we’re going to link back to this stuff in the show notes today. There’s also a coupon for $20 off of volume four, correct? The video lectures on demand series, is that right?

[Linda] Yes. And actually volumes three or four. I have these new lecture series and it’s where I’m giving a bit more than what’s in the textbook. So it’s really for your middle to older students. Those looking to earn a high school credit and their standalone lectures. And I tell you what, I’ve put a lot into them. I’m excited that they’re being discovered.

[Heidi] I’m excited too. And I think it’s going to be great for listeners. It’s wonderful. I mean, hey everybody, you could turn off the TV and off the junk that you’re watching on TV and listen to these because they’re fantastic. So those are normally $99 and if you guys use the code, lindaslectures4heidisfriends, you’ll save $20. You’ll get that for just $79. So we’re going to put all that stuff, all that information in the show notes today. This is going to be a whole lot of fun. I cannot wait for people to find out more about you. And you have got, I think your, the Mystery of History, right? They can find you at the Mystery of History. Is it.com?

[Linda] Yes. Yes. And please subscribe to my newsletter. I send out two things a month, a newsletter that’s just kind of like product updates and coupons and I also have a blog and then otherwise I’m in all the social media outlets except Twitter. I don’t tweet.

[Heidi] I don’t tweet either. It’s all right. Not everybody has to be in the Twitter verse. It’s all right.

[Linda] Just can’t do it all. But I am on Instagram. I am on Facebook quite a bit more than I should be, so you can find me there.

[Heidi] Awesome. Linda Hobar, you are a joy. It’s been a joy to have you. I hope you’ll come back again and we’ll talk more about history.

[Linda] Thank you, Heidi. Anytime, I can talk history. Appreciate it. Have a great day.

[Heidi] You’re very welcome. For more information about Linda Hobar and her ministry about history. You can check it out themysterofhistory.com. Thanks for listening, everybody. Have a fantastic day and I’ll see you back here on Monday. 

 

Write to [Heidi]
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Perseverance in Suffering and the Power of Prayer | MSI Week 2 of 4 | 832

What are we to do when we are in the furnace of our longings awaiting God’s rescue? The furnace of our afflictions is producing perseverance, which builds character, which produces hope (Romans)…this is the “golden chain of Christian growth and maturity.” Listen in and be encouraged!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Luke 2:32-34

All things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey friends, this is Heidi St. John, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me today. It is Wednesday, October 16th, this is episode number 832. This is MomStrong International day here at the podcast. This is the day that we go through the Bible study that I’m teaching at MomStrong International, so if you haven’t joined us there, check it out, momstronginternational.com, download the free scripture writing challenge and get the Bible study. We’re talking about prayer, stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so a couple of things coming up. First of all, I’m going to be in Lincoln, Nebraska this Saturday, the 19th of October for their women’s day, come on out if you’re anywhere in the area, I’d love to hug your neck, hear what God’s doing in your life, pray with you, sign your book, whatever, and we’re going to have a great day talking about what God is doing in the culture even now because the Bible teaches us that God is always at work and so we’re going to be talking about that in Lincoln this weekend. Also wanted to let you guys know we love hearing from you, the best way to reach out to me is heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. If you’ve got cards or letters or you want to send support to the ministry, you can send that to us at the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center.

All right, I want to dig into the Bible study. So for the month of October we are studying prayer and I think oftentimes… we just talked about this on Mailbox Monday the other day about a mom who is trying to teach her child, her three year old to pray. And like I said, if you want your kids to walk with God, let them see you walking with God first. If you want your kids to have a vibrant prayer life, let them see you on your knees. If you want your kids to love God’s word, mama, let them see you studying the word. This is why we founded MomStrong International, this is why we invest so much of our resources in both staff and finances here to get that Bible study out to you every month because God’s word is relevant.

His word is relevant to your life right now. There’s nothing that’s happening in the culture that is taking our amazing God by surprise. God’s not up in heaven scratching his head, talking to the Holy Spirit going, “Man, I just… wow, I had no idea this is going to happen.” No, God’s not doing that. And I think sometimes, we are prone to …. I am. I’ll just talk to myself for a second, I feel like I’m sort of prone to panic. So when bad things happen to me or like right now where I’ve told you guys, we sure covet your prayers right now because our ministry, we’re going through a lot of stuff and the Lord’s teaching us to trust him and he’s teaching us to walk deeper with him and he’s teaching us how to walk with him in a way that hopefully ministers to the people that are watching what we’re doing.

God uses everything. But my flesh is almost always when something bad happens, the first person I want to talk to is my husband. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, but I think it becomes a bad thing when I get all my words out and I talk to my husband and then I talk to my mom and then I talk to my friends and I call Melissa and I don’t go to the Lord, and I think it cripples us. We cripple ourselves when we don’t go before the Lord in prayer. And the best time for me to come before the Lord is always in the morning before my kids get up, before my day really gets going because I don’t know about you guys, but as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning, I am crock pots in curriculum for the rest of the day and podcasting and writing a book and running the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center and all the things.

And I think the enemy loves a busy mom. He loves us to be so busy that we can’t find time for prayer. And when we find ourselves surrounded by trouble and needing God’s rescue, it’s what we’ve been talking about at my women’s conference this year, we’re going to spend a lot of time talking about rescue and our need for rescue, and when we go to people instead of the Lord for rescue, we’re weakened by that. God uses people, but he says, “Come before me, come to me.” All throughout God’s word. He’s saying, “Here I am. Why are you not asking me? Why are you not coming before me?” And I think sometimes really, we don’t realize this, but it’s kind of pride. Pride is sort of the culprit, right? Because we just figured out we got this, if I just talked to so and so, if I just make that phone call, if I just send this text message, it’ll be fine.

And then something happens where our feet can’t touch anymore and we’re drowning, right? We sing that song, spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, but we don’t actually mean it, that’s not what we want. And so what do we do when we’re in the furnace of our longings and we are waiting for God’s rescue? Well, the Bible says that the furnace of our afflictions produces perseverance. Remember we talked about this several months ago, and I said perseverance is patience in action. So if you’re listening to this right now and you’re taking notes, that’s a good thing to write down. Perseverance is patience in action. It means that we don’t just sit and wring our hands, we are actively patient. How? Because God wants to produce that in us, that active patience. I think active patience means we don’t freak out and just let that sit.

That was just for me, you guys can stop listening, I’m pretty much just preaching to myself right now. I’m not going to lie, I’ve been going through some hard stuff lately and I have freaked out a couple of times and I try really hard not to do it, because A, I know it just shows that my walk with the Lord isn’t that mature, and people around here can see it because I’m sitting in the studio right now at Firmly Planted Family and I’m waiting, families are starting to come to classes here, there’s a lot of stuff going on and if every time the enemy bangs my shutters and comes knocking on my door, I freak out, what am I really saying? I’m saying, “Lord, I don’t actually trust you.”

I think I just need to freak out a little bit. But Paul is saying that the furnace of our afflictions, all the trials that we’re in, it actually produces perseverance, that patience in action, meaning that we have an opportunity to actively demonstrate that we trust the Lord. He goes on to say that this built character and then it produces, so the net result of this character from this patience in action, this perseverance, the net result is, are you ready for it? Hope. It’s hope. And this is what we call here at MSI, the golden chain of christian growth and maturity, right? We go into this furnace of affliction, God uses it to produce perseverance, patience in action, this produces character and then this produces hope.

See, Christian should be hope-filled, not despairing, not despondent. And it’s not to say that we’re not going to struggle with things and we’re not going to behave or respond in a way that maybe was less mature than we had hoped, but God is saying, “Listen, I want you to grow and as you grow, this character that I am producing in you is going to give you hope.” We can have hope when we turn on the news, we can have hope when we’re praying for the people in the middle East, we can have hope when we look at our afflictions, things that we’re struggling with personally, hope in our marriages, hope with our children, it comes through affliction. You guys, you know what I’ve noticed in my own life? That God does his best work in me, not in the shallow but in the deep, in the deep. Joshua 1:9, you guys have heard this before, “Have I not commanded you?” This is the Lord to Joshua. “Be strong and courageous, don’t tremble or be dismayed.” Why? “Because I am with you wherever you go.”

Some of you guys are praying right now for some pretty big things. Guess what? God is a big God. Some of you are asking for things in your prayer life and you’re coming before the Lord right now and your friends are saying, “Dude, that’s not going to happen, is not possible.” I feel like I’m in a little bit of a situation like that right now, and over here, we are trusting the Lord for big things because we serve a big God. You guys, we serve the God that parted the red sea. We serve the Lord of heaven’s armies, the one who spoke the world into being. God can handle whatever it is that you’re facing right now. And we talk on this podcast all the time, we do Mailbox Monday and we answer questions and on Fridays we have guests and on Wednesdays I try to take you a little bit deeper into the word, but this stuff it’s easy to talk about, it’s actually hard to do unless you’re really walking closely with the Lord.

When an intruder breaks into somebody’s home and terrorize them until the police arrive, right? We grapple with the reality that God does not promise the absence of terror or fearful circumstances, I don’t care what the prosperity preachers say, he doesn’t promise that we’ll live a terror-free or pain-free life. You know what he does do? He says, “I’m going to be with you when you enter the valley of the shadow of death, I’m going to be with… I’ll never leave you, I’ll never forsake you.” I don’t know about you guys, but when I do difficult things, if I know that my husband’s next to me, people will sometimes say… I guess a huge fear for a lot of people, is a fear of public speaking, and so people assume that I don’t have that fear because I am a public speaker.

So often I have looked out into the audience and I’ve seen my husband, if I can just lock eyes with my husband, and I know that he’s there and he’s smiling at me and he’s like, “Come on, you got this.” Then I know I’m okay, I got it. Because I’ve got that one person, it’s amazing, Billy Graham said that when one person takes a stand, the spines of other men are stiffened. Because we need each other, we depend on each other, right? And God is saying, “Hey, you can depend on me, I’m right there, look up.” He promises his constant presence, the safety of eternity so that we know that’s that hope that we have, that this world is not all there is, that we’re going to go to heaven and that we can find the strength to cling to him here.

In Daniel 3:24-25, it says, then Nebuchadnezzar the King, was astounded and stood up in haste and he said to his high officials, “Was it not the three men we cast bound into the midst of the fire?” And they replied to the King, “Certainly.” And he said, “Look, I see four men loosed and walking around in the midst of the fire without harm and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.” If God can be with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and we’re studying this this week over at our study on prayer at MomStrong International, you guys, I don’t have time to go through the whole thing because it’s a pretty in depth study. So I’m picking up basically pages 34 to 36 this week, but Oh my goodness, these men did what God said and God’s, “I’ll be with you in the fire and be with you in the water, I’m with you in the deep.” Right? And the King sees it.

You see, Jesus is with us. He’s with us in our heartache, he’s with us in our struggles. The Bible says that God is a personal God who works in the lives of his children. And so what do we need to do? We need to be relentless about understanding God’s heart and understanding his sovereignty. The Bible says that he is sovereign over everything and yet he still hears our prayers and responds accordingly. As Romans 12:2 says, we need to renew our minds to grasp the truth rather than assign blame to God for our troubles.” He does stop evil, this is true, but in the great mystery of his secret will and in his sovereignty, he sometimes actually uses evil to accomplish his purposes.

That’s why the Bible says his ways are not our ways, we don’t understand, someday we will. Someday we’re going to be able to ask him, we’re going to be in heaven someday, I’m looking forward to that day. And in the meantime, we pray in his revealed will and then we cling to what we know is true, we cling to those promises. Romans 12:12, be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. In first Samuel, I read the story of Hannah and her husband Elkanah and they wanted to start a family and they were facing a heartbreak that many of you listening too are familiar with, that heartbreak was infertility, and Hannah, the Bible says, was persistent in her prayer before the Lord, moving to greater and greater measures in prayer. The Bible tells us that she was bitter of soul, the pain was so deep and she made a vow to God that if he would give her a son, she would give that child back to him in God’s service. Wow.

If you get a chance today, open your Bibles and read first Samuel chapter one and through chapter three and you can learn more about Hannah’s journey. And as you read it, you’re going to find two or three things that you can apply to your own prayer life, things that Hannah did that were going to go, “Oh my goodness, I should do that too, I should do that too.” We can, we can journal a prayer like Hannah’s prayer about something marvelous that God has answered in our life. I think sometimes we forget how good God is, right? And we struggle with the things that are difficult and we forget, Oh, he’s so good. And Hannah rejoiced when God answered her prayer. Paul, on the other hand, experienced torture of another kind, right? He experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse from so many people who were angry his commitment to God. And on top of this, he battled an affliction from God that he says was meant to keep him from being overcome by the sin of his pride.

You guys ever struggle with pride? I’ve been writing some new workshops because I’m getting ready for my speaking season for 2020 and I always like to change it up and write new materials. So I’ve been spending quite a bit of time recently, and one of the things I’m talking about at Faith that Speaks is pride and where it comes from and what it affects. And Paul was realizing that kind of a root sin of a whole bunch of his issues was pride, and so what did he do? He clung to Jesus in the midst of his tribulation. And when I say tribulation, I’m talking about actual beatings and actual imprisonment and also this affliction from God. And Paul trusted God in the midst of it all. I think, oftentimes, I look at my own life and I’m like, “Man, Heidi, you’re such a baby, you’re such a baby.”

Because we think that we’re facing real affliction but we’re not, we’re actually not. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, this is what he said, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited…” Referring to his pride again, “I was given a thorn in my flesh.” Now, he doesn’t say what that thorn was. He says, “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away, but he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So now Paul who’s realizing this was given to him to keep him from becoming prideful, now he redirects his focus and says, “Therefore I will boast, but I’m going to do it about the Lord, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ’s power might rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Friends, what would it look like if Christ’s power actually rested on us? If we went to him in prayer and said, “Lord, we need your help, we need your wisdom, we need you to come in and save the day.” And it often doesn’t mean he’s going to take away that thing that we’re struggling with, right? But instead it means we are going to trust him, he’s never going to leave us, he’s never going to forsake us, and in the end he is working all things together for good. In Romans five, we read more about this and I want you guys to look at that with me today, Romans 5:1-5, and then ask for God’s heart to see where he is at work in the hard things in your life, for he is there even when we don’t feel he is, even when we don’t feel he is. And we can take encouragement from Paul in both his surrender to God on the outside and what God was doing in Paul’s heart on the inside.

There’s a story that my husband and I have read to our kids many times, the story of George Mueller. In fact, I’ll link back to his biography in the show notes today because if you don’t read any other missionary story to your kids, you should definitely read his. And he taught millions of believers how to steward our faith. And so we’re going to teach you a little bit from the life of George Mueller as it relates to the apostle Paul in this study this month. But I just want to encourage you, no matter where you are, no matter what you’re struggling with, God is at work, he’s at work. Deuteronomy 32 verses three and four, for I proclaim the name of the Lord, ascribe greatness to our God, the rock. His work is perfect, all his ways are just. A God of faithfulness and without injustice. Righteous and upright is he.

That’s the Lord that you serve. He is righteous and upright, he’s faithful, he will never leave you, he will never forsake you. He loves you, he loves you. Do you know how loved you are? Do your children know how loved they are? It is a precious thing to be loved by the Lord. Let’s close this week’s teaching at MomStrong International by just talking to the Lord. Father, I thank you for the opportunity that you give us every other day here through the internet and through really this gift that you’ve given of platform to be able to speak the truth of your word. Lord, I thank you for the opportunity. Lord, as we talk about what it means to know you more and to walk with you in prayer, Lord, I pray that you would start with me or that you would help me to just take the time to walk with you, to come before you every day and say, Lord, I need your help, I need your counsel. I need your wisdom. I need your guidance, I need your heart.

Lord, show us how to be the men and women that you want us to be, wherever you have placed us. That we will be lights in a dark world, that we would bring the hope of your son Jesus to every sphere of influence that you give us. Lord, I pray that you’d show us what it means to persevere, that patience in action today. Lord, for the mom and the dad and who’s listening to this today and they feel like they’re drowning and whatever struggle that they’re facing, Lord, you remind us to look up, that your word is true, that you are righteous and just and good and your heart toward us is good. Thank you that you promised that you’d never leave us and you’ll never forsake us. And Lord, we thank you for the hope that we have in your son Jesus that one of these days, we’re going to go home.

So help us in the meantime, Lord, to be that, the apostle Paul, to bring you glory in whatever situation we find ourselves into, glory in our weakness, knowing that as we do that, your power will rest on us. Thank you for this promise father in Jesus name. Amen. 

Thanks for listening to everybody today. We really appreciate it when you share the podcast with your friends and we’d love to hear from you, we’d love your feedback. You can give us feedback at heidistjohn.com/mailboxMonday. I’m going to come back on Friday with my friend Linda Hobar, the author of The Mystery of History, and we’re going to talk about some of the bad things in history and what we can learn from them and how it applies to our lives today. So thanks for listening everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Friday. 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

To Know Him More: The Intimate Nature of Prayer | MSI Week 1 of 4 | 829

In Jesus’ darkest hours leading up to the cross,He cried out in anguish, “ABBA! FATHER! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.” (Mark chapter 14, verse 36) What a world Jesus unlocked for us by His death and resurrection! The marvelous truth that He teaches us to speak “Our Father” to address Al-mighty God, and that we can come before the King of the Universe anytime!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • James 4:1-3

All things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

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TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Wednesday, October 9th. This is episode number 829. This is MomStrong International Day here at the podcast and today is the first day that we’re going to go over the study for the month of October. We’re going to be studying prayer for the entire month of October. If you’re new to MomStrong International, I’ll let you know that those studies release on the first Monday of every month, and then on Wednesday, I like to teach from the study, so that’s what we’re going to do. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so wow, October 9th, you guys, we are getting really close to my women’s conference that is happening this weekend, Saturday, October 12th. Faith That Speaks is coming to Vancouver, Washington, and I hope you guys are going to join me. I’m really excited about what God’s doing because as you look around the world and you see what’s happening in the culture, so many wounds, so much pain, so much division, so much brokenness. But the Bible teaches us that God was made flesh and dwelt among us, and that’s what our world needs, an unsaturated, uncomplicated reconciling gospel that proclaims one thing and one thing only, the healing work of the cross that has crossed 2000 years to get to us. We’re going to be spending some time on Saturday digging into the rich soil of God’s word, talking about how powerful it is to know that we are loved, we are infinitely loved, and God has more for us than just walking the day-to-day and not knowing him intimately.

That’s what Faith That Speaks is all about. We’re going to be teaching you how to actually move off the bench and onto the battlefield so that your faith is spoken in every aspect of your life. St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times, use words if necessary.” So we’re going to talk about what it means to have your life be a living, breathing message of the gospel on display. So Faith That Speaks, coming to Vancouver, Washington this Saturday, October 12th from nine to five. You guys, I’m telling you, you will not be sorry that you came. We’ll be spending time in worship, I’ll do an hour of Q&A, we’ll have an hour for lunch together, and it really will be a day that will encourage you and bless you and change your life. So come on out.

For more information and to get tickets, go to heidistjohn.com/events. If you’re interested in hosting Faith That Speaks in your neck of the woods, please reach out to us and let us know. We are interested in bringing this conference around the country, I think we’re looking right now, seven different regions and we’re going to continue to grow it. So stay tuned, watch the website for more locations. As we add them, we put them up there, heidistjohn.com/events.

All right, today is the first day of the MomStrong International study, and I was thinking it was last week, but then I remembered, oh man, they don’t release until the first Monday of the month. So by now, it’s the 9th of October, you guys should be well into the scripture writing challenge. I hope you’re enjoying that. We create the scripture writing challenge to coincide with the Bible study, so if you’re doing the scripture writing challenge but you’re not doing the Bible study, this is a great time for you to jump in. I have a passion for the topic of prayer.

God has taught me so many things and I thought, I always teach from just a section of the study. The study is too a much for me to be able to do in just the 20 minutes that I allot for the podcast. But I thought it’s a great opportunity for me to share with you some of the amazing things that I have experienced in my life that I have seen through the power of prayer. I think in the culture, we have really relegated God to a box. So either we put him in a box and we just think, well, he doesn’t care about that, or if he can’t do it, or we don’t understand the nature of God and we don’t have an appreciation for the glory and majesty that we are able to commune with because of the shed blood of Jesus. So that’s really what we’re doing for the month of October, is just studying prayer.

So before we get started, let’s come before the Lord and do exactly that. Father, I thank you. Oh Lord, I thank you that you hear us when we call on you. Thank you that you say in your word that you love us, that you so loved the world that you sent your son. Father, I pray as we talk a little bit about prayer today that our hearts are being moved by your great love for us. Father, it’s an amazing thing to know that you desire that we would know you, and walk with you, and talk with you. Father, I thank you for the many examples of men and women who have been in my life these many years now, who have shown me what it looks like to really call you Abba Father, to be able to take the small things to you and the big things.

Father, I pray that we would be reminded every time we talk to you of your great love for us, and then that kindness that you’ve shown us really would lead us to repentance, that our lives would be changed and that they would impact the world around us. Lord, as we take just a few minutes today, I know that there are a lot of people listening to this and I would include myself, we have a lot on our minds. Some of us are walking through some pretty water and yet, you say that you’re in all of it, that your deep, deep love for us and your goodness sustains us. And so Lord, help us to lean into that today. I pray for the men and women who are listening to this. Who are struggling just to understand the depth of your love for them.

A lot of us didn’t grow up with good father examples. We we see you as authoritarian, or angry, or aloof, or distant. That’s not what your word says. And so Lord, this month as we study prayer here at the podcast and at MomStrong International, I pray, Lord, that we would see you exactly how you want us to see you, and that we would be changed in the process. So we invite you into this moment, Lord, into these few minutes, and we bless your name and it is in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

So if you haven’t downloaded this study yet, you can go to momstronginternational.com and sign up to be a member there, and download it. The scripture writing challenge, of course, is free. This aspect of it is subscription base, which by the way, your subscription to your MomStrong International is what’s helping us, praise the Lord, to grow this ministry, to have a writing team. There was a long, long time when Jay and I were doing everything by ourselves, and praise the Lord, we are not doing it alone anymore. We’ve got a fantastic team of women and men who are overseeing this ministry and helping us to write the studies. If you are interested in supporting the ministry and you’ve thought, how could I do that? This is a great way for you to support the ministry and you can also get in on the Bible study. So I want to encourage you to do that, just go to momstronginternational.com.

All right, I’m going to skip down. If you do have the study and you’ve already downloaded it, I’m going to skip to page seven of the study. For those of you who are not familiar, we do the MomStrong bible study, we teach a little bit and then we do something called Let’s Press In, Let’s Study. So just different aspects of the study that we try to bring out every month, and then there’s a section called Digging Deeper and a section called KidStrong. In KidStrong, what we’re trying to do is help you teach your children what you’ve been learning. So to take what you’re learning and really pour into, and mentor, and train up and teach your children so that they also know how loved they are.

Really, that’s the main thing. We just want these kids know you are loved, God has made do you on purpose with a purpose, he cares about you. Every aspect of your life is important to God. So this month that KidStrong, we’re going to study the Lord’s prayer, which is found in Matthew 6, and I want to encourage you, this is a great time to memorize it with your kids if you haven’t done it already. Read out loud with your kids, have them repeat each line after you, and I’m telling you what, it will change your life and it will change your kids’ lives too as they get to know the Lord Jesus a little bit more. So we’re going to start on page seven. There are 22 pages in this week’s study and I’m going to go through just a little bit of it, starting on page seven. So if you’re there with me, that’s where I’m going to start reading.

We said in Jesus’ darkest hours leading up to the cross, he cried out in anguish, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” That’s Mark 14:36. Can you imagine the anguish that Jesus was feeling, knowing that this was what God wanted him to do but not wanting to do it? Have you ever been there? I’ve been there. Jesus showed us what it looks like to walk in such intimate relationship with God that even when the Lord asks us to walk through things that we don’t want to walk through, we trust his heart for us and we know that what he is doing is ultimately for our good.

We wrote in the study this month about a Jewish family visiting the U.S. and they were having lunch, and a little boy was heard at the end of the table saying, “Abba, I think I’m going to try the root beer. Oh, Abba, yes. Yes, I love root beer.” His sweet voice calling his daddy Abba, such joy and such love. You see, this term of endearment is how God tells us that we can refer to him. What a wonder this is. This is the name that Jesus used to refer to God as he was looking ahead to the cross. Abba, Father, and it’s a wondrous thing that God says I want to commune with you, I want you to see me that way. I think some of us, if you didn’t grow up with a good relationship with your own father, this is a tough one because it’s hard to fathom that kind of love.

I love the story because this child shared his delight with his daddy. For those of us that didn’t have an earthly father that we could relate to that way, or one with whom we were not able to share our joys and sorrows, we have a hard time calling God daddy. And yet, Abba, that’s exactly what he wants. Many of us spend years trying to find the deep satisfaction in earthly relationships and we experience disappointment after disappointment. As Jesus draws us in, in this prayer, he says, “This is how you pray. Daddy, our Father, I have made a way for this relationship through my work on the cross. Now he is not just my father, but he’s yours.” What a world Jesus unlocked for us by his death and resurrection. Amen.

You see, the marvelous truth that he is teaching us to speak our Father, to address all mighty God that we can come before the king of the universe anytime. Anytime. So today, I’m going to take you to a few passages that we’re studying over at MomStrong International. If you have your Bible, I always encourage you to look it up. I’m going to read it for you because I know a lot of you are driving and doing dishes and that kind of thing. So I’m going to read these for you and then we’re just going to talk about what kind of a relationship we can tell that God wants to have with us through his word. Remember, I’m always telling you, if you want to know how God feels about you, open the pages of the Bible. The Bible really is a love story that’s been told throughout generations. God’s great love for us.

God’s given us clear instructions. He says, “I created you, I know you. Walk this way and there will be blessing.” God’s blessings are found inside God’s boundaries. Like any good father, God gives us boundaries, and he loves us and he demonstrates that love for us over and over and over. So let’s look for just a minute and Isaiah 30:18. It says, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you, therefore, he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for him.” What do we learn about God and the kind of relationship that he wants to have with us in this verse? We learn that he wants to be gracious to you like any good father. We want to be gracious to our children, right? We want good things for our kids, and the Lord of the universe, the Lord of heaven’s armies, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, he sees you that way. He wants to be gracious to you, he wants to show you compassion and he’s revealing himself and his character through his word.

Let’s look at this one, Isaiah 41:8-10. But you, oh Israel, my servant Jacob, whom I have chosen. You descendants of Abraham my friend, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and have not rejected you.” Then he goes on with one of the most famous passages in scripture, he said, “Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” So what can we see about the relationship that God wants to have with us? He says, “I chose you, I see you as a friend, I want to call you friend, I have not rejected you. I’ve chosen you, don’t be afraid, I’m with you, I won’t leave you. I’ll strengthen you, I’ll help you, I’ll uphold you. I am the Lord and this is how I see you.”

I remember a long time ago, Jay and I struggled through a pretty hard season in our family, and I spent so much time just crying out to the Lord, trying to understand why he had allowed this hurt, this, what felt like at the time, an unbearable burden into our family, into our marriage. I remember reading this verse one day, and circling it in my Bible and underlining I am with you. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold. And I realized this is God’s heart toward me. Even in the midst of the struggle, even in the midst of the pain, you guys, we’re broken, all of us broken, and born into a world that is broken. And yet, God is saying, “I chose you. I love you.”

I love how he says it in the dark, how his words come back to us when we’re struggling. This is the blessing of studying and knowing the word. This is why people like Corrie ten Boom have such a powerful story, and Joni Eareckson Tada, because they understand that God’s heart toward them is no different in the good times than it is in the hard times, and actually even more precious when we’re struggling and suffering.

In 2 Corinthians 6:16-18, this is what the apostle Paul writes. What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. This is how God sees us. As God has said, “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God and they will be my people.” Therefore, when we talked about this month, last month, we were talking about an ambassador. “Therefore come out from them and be separate,” says the Lord. “Touch no unclean thing and I will receive you, and I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and my daughters,” says the Lord Almighty.

This is a side of the Lord the we don’t often hear in the culture anymore. I think often, especially in an age of Facebook when everybody’s hurling comments at everybody else, and we’re using the Bible as a weapon, and we miss God’s heart and he says, “I want to live among you, walk among … ” You guys, imagine the great love of God that he would send his only son so that we could be with him in eternity. It’s a powerful, powerful thing, and like the little boy that called out Abba to his dad in the restaurant, are we able to cry out Abba Father? Listen to the following passages. I’m going to read these to you really quick and then we’ll wrap it up for the day. But I want you to be … As you listen to these, I want your heart to cry out, yes, this is what God is doing in my life. Or if you get a little bit uncomfortable as we go along, go back to 2 Corinthians 6:16 where Paul writes, we’re the temple of the living God. Then ask yourself, am I living my life as the dwelling place of God? Am I living my life that way?

Let’s look at Romans 8:15-16 for just a moment. The spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear, but rather, the spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. This is Paul saying, listen, you guys, God’s adopted you and by him, we cry Abba Father. The spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Galatians 4:4-7 But when the set time had fully come, God sent his son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law that we might receive adoption into sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the spirit of his son into our hearts and the spirit who calls out, “Abba Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but rather you are God’s child, and since you are his child, God has also made you an heir.

John 1:12-13 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn, not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God. We don’t often use the phrase born again. When I was a young girl going to church in the 70s, if you are a Christian, you were just born again. We don’t often say it, but that’s the reality of it. If you’re not familiar with the gospel, the gospel message is very simple. Gospel, meaning good news and the real good news, the true good news, the only good news is that you were created in the image of God and he loves you, and he sent his son so that you might know him, that you would have access to him. Jesus died on the cross, he took our place, he took my place, he bore my sin. And because of his death and because of his resurrection, God sees me not in my sin, not in my brokenness, but he sees me through Jesus and I am made righteous because of the shed blood of Jesus.

If you’re listening to this today and you’ve never accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior. If you say, “boy, Heidi, I just don’t get it. I don’t understand this sonship thing, this God who says he wants to call me friend. He wants me to call him Abba Father, who said, “I died for you, I love you.” I don’t know that God, I don’t know him that way.” He wants to know you that way. You can get on your knees wherever you are, sitting in your car, wherever you are right now, and you can say, “Father, come into my life. I ask you to forgive me for my sins, and cleanse me and make me whole. I ask Jesus to come into my heart and transform my life.” That is being reborn, that’s being born again. God says that when you believe in him and when you accept him as your Lord and savior, he gives you the right to become his child. And not just any old child, he says that you are now an heir to the throne of God. That’s an incredible gift.

1 John 3:1 See how very much our Father loves us. For he calls us his children and that is what we are. But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children. Why? Because they don’t know him. So when you talk about the love of God, men and women, those of you who know Jesus, when you talk about the love of God, are you talking about it in that intimate way? Like God wants to have a relationship with you, he loves you. Because of Jesus, we can go boldly before the throne of God and we can fall on our faces and we can say, Abba, Father, help. We need your help. Lord, we need your wisdom, we need your mercy, we need your discernment. We need to know how to handle all the problems that come at us at any given point.

We know because your word says in James 1 that if any of us lacks wisdom, we can come to you, our Abba Father, and you’ll get it to us generously and without reproach. Why? Because that’s what a father does. You have access to the Lord of Lords through a vehicle that we call prayer. So this month that MomStrong International, we’re going to study it. I hope you guys will print out. I am a believer in prayer. In June of 2017, when my nephew was hit by a car, I took to the airwaves and I said, “Please pray for us.” I know that there’s power in prayer. God is listening and he says he wants to come to our aid. He loves us. He is our Abba Father, and if you don’t know him that way today, can I just encourage you, open up your Bible.

I always tell people start in John, for goodness sake, John 3:16. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. He loves you. You are loved, your children are loved, made in the image of God, and God wants to know you better. We know him through prayer and through the study of his word and walking with him. As we walk with him like Abraham did, he reveals himself to us and it is a rich, beautiful relationship. Some of you guys have been walking with the Lord for a long time, but your prayer life is stagnant, or you’re struggling to understand why he’s allowing certain things in your life. I have certainly been there in my own life, and every once in a while, I have to just get alone with the Lord and say, “Father, forgive me.”

Forgive me for making decisions without talking to you. Forgive me for spending so much time on Facebook and not much time in your word. I think we get drawn away from the Lord and into the things of this world so easy, and yet God is saying, “I’m right here. Come back to me. Come back to me.” Men and women, you are loved. God loves you. Jesus said that he came, that you would have life and not just any old life, but abundant life, and that comes as you walk with and learn to trust the Lord.

I appreciate you guys listening. We certainly appreciate the feedback that you leave for the podcast over at iTunes. If you’ve got any questions, we’d love to hear them. You can reach out to me directly, heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. We’d love to hear your questions. If you’ve been listening to me for any length of time at all, you’d know there’s not a subject I won’t touch and so we’d love to hear from you. We’d also love it if you’d review the podcast over at iTunes. Those reviews are helping us tremendously. Thank you so much for doing that. Thank you for praying for us.

I’m going to let you guys know again because I forgot last time, we are getting ready to do the Christmas card crush over here at Firmly Planted Family. We’d love to put your card and your picture up on our wall. It’s a great time for you also to support the work that we do at Firmly Planted Family. We are a non-profit organization dedicated to strengthening and supporting families in every way that we can, turning the hearts of the fathers and the mothers back to God’s word and to say, “let’s grow together”. So we’d love to hear from you. If you’ve got any questions at all, again, heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. Reach out to us at 11100 Northeast 34th Circle, Vancouver, Washington, 98682.

One more time, on October 12th, that’s coming up this Saturday, my women’s conference, Faith That Speaks, is here in my hometown of Vancouver, Washington. We’ve got people coming in from all over the country. Come and join us for a day that will change your life. I guarantee it. We sure love you guys. Have a great Wednesday and I’ll see you back here on Friday.

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Simple Solutions to Organize and Bring More Joy Into Your Home — Kristi Clover | 827

Getting and staying organized is a challenge—but throw in motherhood and you’ve got yourself a real challenge. Join me today as my friend, author Kristi Clover and I dish about real life motherhood and simple solutions to tame the clutter at home. Be sure to pick up Kristi’s new book, M.O.M. “Master Organizer of Mayhem!”

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Hebrews 1:8-9

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

All Things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

I am a home organization and efficiency expert. But don’t be tricked, I’m one of the most organized, messy people you’ll ever meet. I am a homeschooling mom of five kids ranging in age from 6 – 17 years old. We have three boys and two girls. Aside from family and chocolate (Wait, did I mention that I love chocolate?!!) I am passionate about encouraging and inspiring families by offering simple solutions for a more joy-filled life.

My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He’s the analytic genius in the family. I’m the creative extrovert. My family and I call San Diego, California home I am a down-to-earth writer and an energetic speaker. I love sharing my adventures in motherhood and home life on my Simply Joyful podcast, and on social media as @KristiClover.

Connect with Kristi: Book | Website | Instagram | Facebook

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody. This is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Friday, October 4th. This is episode number 827 and as promised, my friend, author and speaker Kristi Clover is here with me today. We’re going to be talking about her brand new book, M.O.M.–Master Organizer of Mayhem. You guys are going to have fun with us today. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right you guys. So a couple of little housekeeping things before we get going with Kristi today. You know that my women’s conference, Faith That Speaks, is coming up in the Vancouver area on October the 12th from nine to five. This is going to be a great day for you guys to come on out and get encouraged about your walk with the Lord and how you can get off the bench and onto the battlefield. How your faith can actually speak from your life of the grace and the mercy and the healing that comes from Jesus.

So come on out, Faith That Speaks, October 12th. Saturday, October 12th. More information is on my website, heidistjohn.com/events. 

Also most of my staff is flying out for that event, and so come on out and you can meet them. They’ll be here from New Jersey and Oklahoma and Texas. So I’m excited for you guys to meet the women that really help me behind the scenes and are a huge part of the heartbeat of MomStrong International. All right, without further ado, I want to introduce a friend of mine to you. My friend Kristy Clover is an author and a speaker. She’s also just a wonderful human being who is really good at home organization.

She’s got a couple of kids we’re going to talk to you guys about and a really sweet man that she calls her husband, I believe his name is Steve. Kristi, welcome to the podcast girl.

Kristi: Aw, thank you so much for having me, and yes, Steve, he is my man.

Heidi: Steve’s your main squeeze. You guys have five kids together, right?

Kristi: Lot of kids. Yeah so just a couple.

Heidi: Just a couple? Hey man, Jay’s always saying once you got over two you’re outnumbered.

Kristi: Oh yeah. You go into zone defense at that time…

Heidi: You just kind of, yeah. So the range and age of your kids is what? I can’t remember.

Kristi: Oh yeah. So grant is 17 and then Blake’s 16, Wade is 11 and then my girls Ashlynn and Kaitlin are eight and six so…

Heidi: So six to 17?

Kristi: Oh yes. Six to 17 is a gap. From teens, Grant just started his first job at Chick-fil-A.

Heidi: Hey that should be everybody’s first job.

Kristi: It’s so amazing, they’re just great. So yeah this is week two for him.

Heidi: Has he started to say, “My pleasure.” at the house.

Kristi: No, I keep teasing him though.

Heidi: Yeah, you’re like if you say, “Clean your room.” and he should say, “My pleasure.”

Kristi: Exactly, I think it’s good practice for everyone. Everyone should go and do a little bit of training at Chick-fil-A just to develop that habit.

Heidi: I mean, I think before you run for an elected office, you should work at Chick-fil-A. It would totally help your communication skills.

Kristi: Yes.

Heidi: Maybe we can get along with people. I don’t know, that’d be so weird.

Kristi: I know. Really again, everyone should do it.

Heidi: So you and I, I’m trying to figure out when we met the first time, and I can’t remember.

Kristi: Where was it. I met you back at CHEA, so that’s Christian Home Educators Association in Pasadena, California. And we met, you were speaking and I was sitting in the audience. I’m like, man, that would be really fun to do. I think I ran into you in the hallway at some point I’m like, “You know what? I think I want to do what you do. I love it.” Then you’re like, “Awesome.”

Heidi: Awesome, hey you know what? We need more people out there speaking the truth. There’s a lot of room around the table. I always feel like every time I get an opportunity to have an author or speaker on the show, I always feel like there’s so much chaos in the culture right now. That the more Christian voices that we can hear that can help bring up a mom back to center and say, “Hey, no, this is the way, walk this way, nope walk this way, over here, over here.”

Kristi: Exactly.

Heidi: And then you’ve got people who’ve been doing this for a long time, like my friend Dr. Dobson, and they’re looking for more help and more voices and so I’m thrilled. I’m thrilled with what you’re doing, girl.

Kristi: Well thank you, and I get so discouraged when I hear women who are interested in kind of getting out there and whether it’s writing or podcasting, just whatever it is. And they’re like, “Oh, but there’s already so many people out there.” And I’m like, “Do you not know that God made you unique and you have a unique voice.” And like come on, join the party.

Heidi: That’s Right.

Kristi: Join the chaos.

Heidi: It’s totally right, and those voices are unique. I think the hard thing, and this was certainly been true for me, because I’ve been doing this for a long, long time, and I feel like the hard thing sometimes is just finding your unique voice. I think sometimes it’s easy to, we hear somebody and we, “Oh, we want to do it like that person.” But that’s not necessarily how God made us. Our voice is different. I had a season, I think I talked to you about this a while ago, when I had so many people telling me what to do and how to do it, that it really stole my voice from me and I tripped up and sort of fell over myself because I wasn’t listening to the Lord anymore. I was listening to just voices of people who I felt were important, saying, “Oh no, don’t talk about that.” And, “Oh be careful.”” But we got to listen to the Lord.

Kristi: Oh absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that is the key, because I think it’s too easy to feel like, “Oh this is the standard, this is the cookie cutter that I need to fit into.” And yeah, we can’t do that. It doesn’t make me happy and if I’m not authentic and real then that no one’s going to like that.

Heidi: Yeah right. Yeah, you do you. You do you.

Kristi: Yeah I do me really, really well, and so when I do me, then everybody’s happy. Well, I don’t know. Sometimes not, maybe “me” needs a little bit of a filter.

Heidi: I love it.

Kristi: Oh in fact, I have to tell you something before you move on. Okay, I laughed so hard because I said something in an interview and I came out and I told Steve, I’m like, “Man, I don’t know if I said that right.” Maybe I was kind of pushing the envelope because I’m not necessarily the girl you’d come to to get political or get controversial. I have no problem talking about it and going there, but I did in this interview and I kind of giggled and I was like, “Oh, I don’t know.” And he’s like, “honey, if Heidi St. John says half the stuff that she says, I don’t think you’re ever going to be controversial.” So I was like, “Okay good, you’re right.”

Heidi: “I feel better now” and hopefully people won’t lob little voice grenades at you over Facebook. So when that happens, give me a call. Well we could sit here and talk about all kinds of things all day long, obviously, because that’s who we are. I really want to introduce listeners to the book that you just wrote, which I was really happy to write an endorsement for, which I super tickled, made it to the back of the book.

Kristi: It did.

Heidi: That’s always like whenever you write an endorsement, you’re secretly hoping that it makes it to the back of the book. Like it’s nice to be in the front cover, but the back of the book is where you really want to be. And I love this because it’s so practical, you like to organize and I feel like there are seasons when moms will feel really on top of the organization and then you go into another season where you’re just like, “Whoa”, and you kind of feel overwhelmed. And this book is just chock-full of practical simple ways to calm clutter and just reclaim your joy. Because I feel like you’re really good at just telling moms, “You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. Just hold my hand and let’s walk through the Lego mess together and you’re going to be okay.” So you’re talking about helping moms stay on top of their day and really make it to the end of your day with a fair amount of joy, like just a happier home, right?

Kristi: Oh yeah. It’s so funny because I always giggle when people are like your subtitle says joy. Like really, housekeeping? House organization, joy? Right.

Heidi: Right. It does bring joy though.

Kristi: It does, but even beyond that, I want women, and families really, just whomever is in your home. I want you guys to all stop thinking that your house has to be perfect. I love… See, let Joanna Gaines be Joanna Gaines.

Heidi: Right.

Kristi: You be you. You know that is the thing.

Heidi: That Joanna.

Kristi: I love Joanna Gaines, but my house is not going to look like hers 24/7 and I guarantee you her house doesn’t look like it does on TV 24/7.

Heidi: No, it doesn’t.

Kristi: And Jeanys got five kids now so she gets it. She’s in there with us.

Heidi: I’m thinking it only looks like that like two hours out of the day.

Kristi: Oh yeah.

Heidi: I give it two hours max.

Kristi: Yes, it’s just hard. Everyone needs to realize it’s hard. And I always joke that if you ever see something online, just imagine what it looks like behind the camera. Like behind the person taking the shot. That’s where the mess has been moved. But yeah, I want women to experience joy by first letting go of their expectations of perfection. I want them to be more efficient in their home and I think when you start tackling those little jobs that are driving you crazy in your house, then that’s where the joy starts coming in.

Heidi: Yep, I think it’s true and ain’t nobody very flourishy in chaos. Like we just don’t flourish in chaos, at least I don’t. I’m the girl that has look just… I need my house to be relatively clean or at least it doesn’t have to be perfect I don’t want to be tripping over things all day long. And what I really don’t like is the stack of mail that’s in my office that just kind of pile, pile, pile, pile, pile until like one Saturday I got to get in there and actually take care of it.

But you came up with what you called 10 foundational rules, and I thought it was interesting because I love that you call them foundational because as I looked at them, I was like, “Oh, that’s foundation.” Because if you don’t get those things right, then you don’t have anything to build on. So how did you come up with them and can you share with listeners just a little bit about those 10 foundational rules?

Kristi: Yeah. Well, what’s really crazy about this is that 13 years ago is when I first started speaking on this topic. I actually sat down, I was asked to speak on home organization. I remember I laugh a little bit thinking like— “okay, why?”

Heidi: That means that you’ve got to organize your home.

Kristi: I know, I’m like— “this person’s been to my house”— but I think it was…what I’ve come to kind of understand is that the reason they wanted to see that is because I had a husband who traveled, I had two tiny children at that time and my friends would come over on like a weekday and see the house just normal. Toys out, dishes out or whatever. But they’d come over a few days later for like a party or something that we’d be hosting and the house is completely cleaned up and they… I remember one friend actually, she’s like, “Okay, where is it?” I’m like, “Where’s what?” She’s like, “where’s all the stuff?” And I’m like, “Well I just kind of have these systems.” And I think that’s what kept throwing people off is that I had these systems. So when I sat down to write this talk, M.O.M.–Master Organizer of Mayhem, I kind of asked myself like, what are the 10 things?

And I didn’t set out to write 10 but that’s how it kind of ended up. So what are some things that when I’m actually doing all of them at the same time, probably the most—so I’m not perfect at this. In fact, I’m really bad at a few of them like the baby steps, I am horrible at because I think I’m a little ADD in how I approached my home organization. I’ll start a project in one room and then see a project in another room and then I’ll get distracted.

Heidi: I think that’s a thousands years old. Isn’t that the if you give a mom a mocha kind of a thing?

Kristi: I have not head that, that’s perfect.

Heidi: I’ll send it to you because I actually wrote something called, “If you give a mom a Mocha.” And it’s probably been 10 years since I wrote it.

Kristi: Oh my goodness.

Heidi: Just in the throws of having seven young children at home. They were probably teens at that point because Savannah’s 28 now goodness sake.

Kristi: What? Oh my goodness.

Heidi: So I know, let’s not talk about it. Anyway, I wrote this like if you give a mom a mocha, kind of like if you give a mouse a cookie kind of a thing. The truth is I’ll go upstairs and I’m going to go put something in laundry and I see something in laundry that needs to go down to the kitchen. I go to the kitchen, oh my goodness, I got to do this in the kitchen. It’s kind of… It’s a technique, I think. Let’s call it out a technique.

Kristi: That’s right. That’s our organizational technique for creating chaos and projects throughout the house.

Heidi: That’s right, exactly.

Kristi: All at the same time. Yes, and that’s really when I am following, especially that baby steps rule and taking it one thing at a time and breaking things down, it really helps. And that’s where the 10 rules come from. I kind of giggle because I introduce decluttering in that section. So decluttering is definitely one of those foundational things, but I don’t get into decluttering systems until the second part of the book. Because if you don’t have those foundational things, it doesn’t help. Think about it, you can organize all that you want, I can show you great ways to use your space a lot more wisely and more efficiently, but if you are just organizing stuff that should be in the trash can, that does not help you.

Heidi: Hey, and this is tough. I feel like people fall into one of two categories. They’re either the person that throws everything away maybe to the point where they overthrow things away.

Kristi: Oh yeah, I have some friends that do that.

Heidi: Or we’re kind of hoarders, worried about— “but what if I need that?” “Maybe I do need that third colander because you just never know when you’re going to have 28 people at your house and you’ll have to be rinsing things all over the place”.

Kristi: I know and I think that is one of the weird dilemmas is that we do that “just in case” thing. Like, “Oh no, just in case”, and we’re actually in the process of renovating. I stopped saying remodeling. We are renovating our house.

Heidi: Renovating that has such a Renaissance sound to it.

Kristi: Right, it’s so fancy. I’m like “we’re in the middle of Reno”. My kids are like Reno? But it actually really forced me to take a look at —what do we need? Like, what are the bare bones that we need and then I was moving everything else out of the kitchen and the kitchen was my, I didn’t realize how much I was somewhat hoarding in my kitchen because I hid things up high and far back that I couldn’t see. And so I was like, Oh yeah, if I need it. But then when I was taking everything out I’m like, “I really don’t need this.” And so I was just…

Heidi: And you don’t even remember that it’s there because when you put them high up and far back, three years is going to go by and then one day you’re going to go, “I should clean my kitchen.” And you’re going to go, “I had no idea I had that.”

Kristi: Oh yeah. Like a panini press. I don’t even think I ever used it but I had a panini press just in case. That would have been really fancy.

Heidi: Yeah I got rid of mine. I think I bought it at the Goodwill and I sent it back there.

Kristi: Exactly. Well, and that’s the beauty is that that’s one of the approaches I have with decluttering. Is that I stopped thinking about like, just donating, and I call it blessing because if we can turn that around, the whole KonMari method of like “does it spark joy?”

Heidi: “Does it spark joy?”

Kristi: How many of us have stood in front of our closet and been like, “Yep, nope nothing in here is sparking joy.”

Heidi: Nope, nothing. Get rid of all of it.

Kristi: It’s like “start over!”. But when we look at our things as blessings, like “this isn’t really something I need right now, so I wonder if it can bless a friend?”. When you find things that still have tags on it and you’re like, “And I’d never fit into that and I’m going to stop trying to achieve that goal and pass them on to a friend”. Or it maybe it just got hidden. I found a cute kid outfit that had tags and it didn’t… My child had grown by a few years and so I passed it on to friends and same with just things you’re getting rid of.

Is why not take it to Goodwill. Actually, we go to Salvation Army for all of our donating and so we take it there and it’s really neat to even hear stories about people that go into consignment shops or go into Salvation Army stores and find things that they really needed, and it was because someone was willing to let go of it.

Heidi: All right so go over, we’ve got a few minutes left. Can you go over like just say the three of those foundational tips? And then I kind of want to do a breeze through the table of contents here because I always think that’s interesting. When I go to get a book, the first thing I do is look at the table of contents.

Kristi: I know. Yeah, me too. It’s funny because they wanted to take out my little, I put the rule and then I had like the little subtitle for the rule and they’re like, “Oh let’s take that out.” I’m like, “Oh no, no, no, people need to know what that is.”

Heidi: No, they do. I love it. It’s right in the table of contents. So those 10 simple rules that will change your home life. So I love this one because this is something I talk about all the time. Rule number two, Don’t forget your top prioritiesL choosing which balls to drop. Talk to the mom who just can’t drop anything.

Kristi: Yes. So that is the hardest thing is we try to do it all because we think everybody else is doing it all and that just doesn’t work for anybody because no one is truly doing it all. You and I can attest to that because if it looks like I’m doing it all, it’s because I’m doing things, one thing at a time and it just might just all come out at the same time. But, in life we need to have priorities. So we kind of have, in the Clover house, we kind of do this prioritizing with our four F’s because we’re the Four Leafs.

So we do faith, family, friends, and fellow man in that order. So when we sit down, especially right now in like the beginning of a school year, or just beginning of the year is good too, but anytime you have big shifts in your schedule and things are getting added, we like to take a look at what’s coming into our schedule because— I’m sorry, but you can’t get to your house if you’ve got a busy schedule.

Heidi: That’s right, preach.

Kristi: Yeah. So we try to be really selective about what we allow into our schedules and into our home and just all of that because you cannot do it all. And so we try to pick what’s really best and sometimes it’s been hard through the years. I mean we said no to Awana.

Heidi: What?

Kristi: Awana! You’d think like, “Oh, Awana is so awesome.” But we were doing Bible study at home and we were doing Bible memory at home and it was one more night that we were all out and my husband was still traveling at that point. So we just decided it was not wise for us to do that. We’re a big sports family, we had to take basketball off our plate at one point because we had too many moving parts. And so when you are allowing that space, you can actually allow some breathing room, and when you have breathing room then you will feel up for maybe trying to tackle other things in your house.

So that’s one of my big things is trying to encourage people to really look at, not only their priorities with what they’re allowing into their schedule, but even in their home. And with that, we have to prioritize what we’re trying to get done in our house because it’s nice to have the whole house clean and tidy all at the same time.

Heidi: That’s so nice.

Kristi: It is so nice and when it happens, it’s like you need to do yourself a little good middle happy dance and like turn some music on and don’t knock anything over. But we’re looking at that, like Steve and I have kind of come up with this thing. I had him pick two things and I picked two things. For him, counters are like his drive you crazy nails on a chalkboard to him, in his little heart— if the counters are just super cluttered, which is hard because I am a pile person. I struggle with that.

Heidi: Flat spaces are your nemesis.

Kristi: Yeah. No, so I have to be careful. I cannot add in my closet. I can’t put a chair in there. I can’t put anything cute for me to sit on because it will become a dumping ground and I just know that about myself so I don’t have that. But for him counters are a big thing and then knowing that there’s a game plan for meals is really helpful for him. Even if it’s pizza, he just wants to know that we have a plan and that’s something he doesn’t have to think about or if he is supposed to be the one like—you’re on grill duty. So you know, that’s important to him. For me, because maybe we started off just a house with three boys and a husband—toilets. Yes the whole bathroom is great but like seriously I just want the toilets and the area around the toilets clean.

And floors, I don’t stepping on things like you were saying earlier, like tripping on things drives me badly. I am on the move, I am on the go and I’m not always looking where I’m going. So that was a really important rule, that’s why it’s number two. It was number one in the original but my first rule since we didn’t really talk about that is gleaning and tweaking and that was really important to me and I think that’s kind of what makes my technique a little different. Is that I feel like as moms we take way too much time to try to reinvent the wheel and why don’t we look at people who are having success with something and not feel guilty over it and not feel like—and even don’t feel like it’s the end all be all. You have to tweak it to work for your family dynamics.

So those are just two of my fun little rules but….

Heidi: I love it. And really, you have the first part of the book are those rules. Planning ahead, overcoming laziness.

Kristi: I didn’t want to put it in there but it’s true. If my house is really messy, It’s usually because I’m being a little lazy.

Heidi: I love it because you went through these rules but then you put systems in place, which I really love. De-cluttering systems, organizing systems, storage, chores. My goodness, I always laugh because I’ve been talking about… I wrote a book called The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Daylight a long time ago because a lot of the same stuff in it. And I’m laughing because I’m like—the chore thing. Really, I’ll do a chore chart for my kids and it’ll work for about three months. And you have to just go, “Well it looks like it’s time to change it up.” Instead of giving up, just change it up.

Kristi: Exactly, and that’s exactly what you have to do. We’ve been laughing because our little chore chart doesn’t work in like renovation mode.

Heidi: No.

Kristi: And we’ve been going so hard and fast with the book launch that I’m like, okay people like just listen to what I’m assigning to everyone. But that is one of the major things we need to kind of shift here probably this next week. It’s just making sure everybody’s very clear in what they’re doing. And that’s really what chore systems are about, is just figuring out what is working best because not every kid is going to jive with understanding. You might have some kids that need a visual, they might need to see exactly what it is.

Heidi: I’m going to give you a visual.

Kristi: That’s right.

Heidi: That’s right. Well I love this. I love it because there’s a whole section in here on why it’s so important to train your kids to help you around the house and I have been amazed on how controversial that has become. Or just having your kids help. Every time I post about it, somebody will say, “I can’t believe you’re not letting kids enjoy their childhood.” And I’m just like, “Really, right now.” Because I’m not training children, I’m training adults and I love, you call them little interns. :Hey I’d like to give you a laundry internship” and this is how it’s going to go.

Kristi: I had a post where I mentioned, I don’t even know, I think it was a hashtag chores systems. I didn’t even say chores, I just said training your kids to help.

Heidi: Oh, don’t say train. “Is it a puppy or a child? We train puppies Kristi, get it right.”

Kristi: Oh right. Well no, I was accused of like slave labor. How dare I, and I was like, excuse me. I’m like, “so is it kindness to send my child out into the world and not know how to do laundry and not know how to cook?”

Heidi: Yeah and just not equipped.

Kristi: I know because I think how hard it was for me to learn some of the small details I didn’t learn in my childhood. I was raised my single mom and I learned to do a lot of things but there’s obviously things I didn’t learn and so it was hard learning how to do all of those other little fine details and yet the things that I was really good at, that I had to do on my own, It was awesome.

Like I can iron a shirt and iron a pair of pants in no time flat because I had a lot of ironing that I had to do. Not so much anymore.

Heidi: No, well now it’s like we get the wet washcloth and throw it in the dryer with the shirt and hope that the wrinkles come out. That’s my new method.

Kristi: I had somebody tell me ice cubes, they put ice cubes in the dryer. I’d never thought of it. Yeah, that’s what they do. Ice cubes. Never heard of it before.

Heidi: That’s a great idea.

Kristi: I know, I have not tried it yet.

Heidi: I will do almost anything to get out of ironing. Almost anything. I mean, not anything, but pretty close.

Kristi: Jay’s like “anything?”

Heidi: Right. Anything?

Kristi: I know. I saw your recent picture of you two making out on a couch.

Heidi: That’s right baby. I know we just had our 30th anniversary.

Kristi: That is so awesome, congratulations.

Heidi: It was really good. We actually took a day and we went into Portland and this guy is like an ACLU, you know, like a protestor and he saw us on the sidewalk cause we were walking in the Pearl District and, and it was so beautiful, sunny day, gorgeous in Portland. And he said, “Hey, you know how you make your sunny day even better?” And I was like, “No”. He said, “Help me sue the government.” I said, “Oh.” I said, “I’m actually a lifelong conservative who voted for Trump, you probably don’t want to talk to me.” And he was like, “Yeah, you’re right.”

It was great. I think he was looking at me like, “there are conservatives in Portland? I had no idea”. “I know, I can’t believe it, it’s amazing”. I’m like, yep, we’re here to stay and we’re out! 

Golly. Well, Kristi you are a delight. Your new book is fantastic. I was so happy that I got a chance to endorse it and if people want to find it. If they want to get a copy of your book, what’s the best way for them to do that?

Kristi: You can get my book anywhere books are sold, but if you want more information and just want a see every place you can get it, all in one spot. They can go to my website, which is KristiClover.com/mombook

Heidi: Ooh, I like that, that’s great.

Kristi: Isn’t that cute?

Heidi: I like it. Well, this is great. For those of you who are looking for help getting organized and actually, I think you’re going to put this book down feeling like “I could actually do it, I can do it”, which is really the point. So Kristi Clover, you are fantastic. I wish you all the best. I hope the book does fantastic.

Kristi: Oh, thank you so much and thanks for having me on your show. This was so fun.

Heidi: It was fun. We’ll do it again. We won’t wait until you write another book. We’ll do it again.

Kristi: Please don’t, I’m taking a little break right now.

Heidi: I don’t blame you. 

 

All right. Thank you friend. For more information on Kristi Clover, please visit her website, KristiClover.com I will link back to all things, Kristi Clover in the show notes today, and if you want more information about where I will be, please go to Heidistjohn.com/events. As always, we’d love it if you leave feedback for the podcast over at iTunes and if you have a question that you’d like to see addressed at mailbox Monday, go to my page, Heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday and fill out that form and we will answer your question on the air. Have a great Friday everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Monday. 

 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Your Family is Worth The Struggle: Honest Family Talk with Todd Wilson | 824

“But I did everything right!” she said, before she crumpled into tears on the floor. “Why  is everything so hard?” If you have ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer struggles and demands of family life, you’re not alone. Join me for a conversation with one of my favorite people, author and speaker Todd Wilson. You’re going to be okay, we promise! If it’s hard, it’s worth the struggle!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • 1 Timothy 1:15-17

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

All Things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

Todd Wilson is a husband, dad, grandpa, writer, conference speaker, and former pastor. Todd’s humor and down to earth realness have made him a favorite speaker at homeschool conventions, marriage retreats & family camps across the country as well as a guest on Focus on the Family.

As founder of Familyman Ministries & the Smiling Homeschooler, his passion and mission are to remind dads and moms of what’s most important through a weekly e-mail for dads, seminars, and books that encourage parents.

Todd, and his wife Debbie, homeschool four of their eight children (four have graduated) in northern Indiana and travel America in the Familyman Mobile.

Connect with Todd : Family Man Website| Facebook | Twitter | Podcast | Books | Smiling Homeschooler

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Friday, September 27th. This is episode number 824. This is Meet my Friend Friday and as always I like to have thought leaders and funny people on the show with me on Fridays. Today is no exception. My friend Todd Wilson, otherwise known as The Family Man, is on the show with me today and we’re going to talk all things fatherhood and homeschooling. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

So thanks for tuning in today, everybody. Lots of stuff coming up on the calendar and you guys know I’m going to be hosting my women’s event here in Vancouver. Faith that Speaks we’ll be coming to Vancouver on the 12th of October. We are in the middle right now of a venue change and so please, if you have bought tickets for that event, please watch the website because we’ll be announcing that venue change shortly. It was going to be held at the Homeschool Resource Center and we are needing to move it. So please watch the website for that. That event is being held on Saturday, October 12th. After that I’ll be in Lincoln, Nebraska for my women’s conference coming out and see me. You can find out where I will be at heidistjohn.com/events. Also, we’ve got a brand new season of MomStrong International coming up, a brand new study starting. This is a great time for you to jump in. The new study starts on October the first.

All right, without any further ado, I want to introduce my friend to you. I met Todd a long time ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth and immediately was just totally fascinated by his ministry. This guy is so real and I think that’s why he resonates with readers and with audiences around the nation. Todd and his wife Debbie, have been married for quite awhile and we’re going to be talking about that today, and they’ve got a bunch of kids. Todd Wilson, welcome to the podcast, friend.

[Todd] Hey, it is good being with you.

[Heidi] How many times have you been on the podcast?

[Todd] On your podcast?

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Todd] Well I think this would make the first.

[Heidi] I was going to say, zero.

[Todd] Why don’t you give me a cut and squeeze the lemon juice in it?

[Heidi] I know, because that makes me kind of a lame friend. I was thinking why haven’t we done this before because you and Debbie or some of our favorite people, and I totally resonate with what you’re doing. You tend to speak more to the dads. Obviously, I speak more to the moms and we’ve done a lot of sort of cross work and cross promotion over the years. But I was thinking about this. I can’t believe it. Okay, I will rectify this. Okay, well we’ll do this again. So you guys live in-

[Todd] That’s what they always say.

[Heidi] Hey man, you haven’t tried me yet.

[Todd] Okay.

[Heidi] Don’t get mad. Don’t get mad until after I don’t do it.

[Todd] That’s right. Okay. I’m good.

[Heidi] We’re fine. We’re  fine now. Everything’s just fine.

[Todd] She said that we’re going to be on the show again. Why hasn’t she called?

[Heidi] I gave her my number. Gosh. What’s going on?

[Todd] Exactly.  It’ll probably be tomorrow.

[Heidi] Yeah. Okay. I’ll work it. Don’t push me. Okay. You guys, you live in Indiana. And how many kids do you have?

[Todd] We have eight kids.

[Heidi] Eight. Who’d be crazy enough to do that?

[Todd] One at a time. Just one at a time.

[Heidi] That’s right. That’s right. Some of your kids are married now and like me, you’ve joined the, as Andrew Pudewa calls it, the looks too young to be a grandparent club.

[Todd] Yeah. That’s a good thing to tell yourself. But that is true you. It doesn’t matter. Grandchildren are always going to think you are old.

[Heidi] That’s true. And how old is your oldest grandchild now? Because you’ve got two, right?

[Todd] We’ve got two. Renly is like two and a half years old and Hudson, her brother, is maybe six or seven months old.

[Heidi] I got to tell you, these millennials are really good at picking names. We were like, Doug, Judy. They’re like, Renly. That has a good ring to it.

[Todd] Rocket.

[Heidi] When I saw that name and I was like, dang, that’s really cute. Why didn’t we do that?

[Todd] Well, they told us that it was something with an R and they’d never had heard it as a name. And so we’re all guessing like rutabaga, rhubarb, which are perfectly good millennial names.

[Heidi] Perfectly good. Well, I mean, didn’t what’s her name… didn’t she name her daughter Apple? Who named their daughter Apple? It was a movie star. I’ll think of her name. I can see it in my head. How many years you’ve been married?

[Todd] We’ve been married almost 30 years. We’ll have our 30th anniversary this next summer.

[Heidi] Oh my goodness. So you guys are just about, just right. Jay and I are going to celebrate our 30th anniversary on Monday.

[Todd] Wowser.

[Heidi] True story.

[Todd] That is old.

[Heidi] I know, right?

[Todd] I know it. I mean you can remember when your parents had their 30th anniversary, and you thought they were ancient.

[Heidi] I know. And yeah, right. Let’s not talk about that anymore. Let’s move on. We’re doing a cruise together. You and Debbie and Jay and I, hosting with FPEA, a marriage cruise. It’s going to be really cool, pulling out of… where are we leaving from in Florida?

[Todd] I think we’re leaving from Fort Lauderdale.

[Heidi] Fort Lauderdale on January 4th, and we’re going to have some fun.

[Todd] I think it’s going to be a blast, it’s going to be a blast. And we’re real excited.

[Heidi] Yep. We’re going to be focusing on, obviously, talking about marriage on that trip and I’m excited. So if anybody wants more information they can reach out to FPEA, and get more information on that.

[Todd] I think so. It might be sold out, but I know they’re already talking about doing it again in 2021 so maybe something you put on your to do calendar.

[Heidi] Yeah, well FPEA was my very first cruise. I just did my very first one last year because I spoke for them, and I know you did the year before. Was that your first cruise also?

[Todd] It was. Never been on one before.

[Heidi] What was your impression, Todd?

[Todd] It was amazing. I just thought it was amazing. I thought the value was huge. You went a couple thousand miles out in the ocean, you stopped at a couple of great, amazing destinations. You got all this great food, you got a hotel room for a bunch of days and it was super reasonable, and you didn’t have your kids with you. I mean, it was awesome.

[Heidi] Winning. Hashtag winning.

[Todd] It was great.

[Heidi] Yeah. We thought so too. I mean, we couldn’t believe it. We got there, it’s just everything… it was just beautiful. And the room surface was free. We were like, this is amazing. So every night before I go to bed you’re like, I would like a coffee and a bagel delivered to my room in the morning and it just magically appeared.

[Todd] Yeah.

[Heidi] It was a miracle.

[Todd] Well, I think the best part-

[Heidi] And no dishes.

[Todd] I know. That that was a good part. But what I thought is, the part that I like is that, for my wife especially, it’s hard for her to focus on us. And when you have lots of stuff going and you’re on this boat, you don’t even get cell phone coverage.

[Heidi] Amen.

[Todd] And we can just focus on us. And that doesn’t happen very often. It’s worth the price of admission.

[Heidi] Absolutely. Yeah. We thought so too. We had a great time. We cannot wait to go again. And we’re really excited because we get to see you guys and we’re hoping to spend some time with people who are coming on the cruise for this particular purpose. So it’s going to be good. So check it out you guys. You can find more information out at the Florida Parent Educators Association. Just Google them and you can get in touch with them. Actually I will link back to links for them on the show notes today.

[Heidi] Todd, I really want to talk to you about real life homeschooling, because this is something you’re sort of famous for. You run The Smiling Homeschooler. And you’ve spent, at least as long as I have known you, just really talking about real life homeschooling. What does it look like? I know that when the homeschool proselytites came to my church and talked me into homeschooling a long time ago, I kind of thought the laundry would do itself. I thought the kids would come down every morning and the birds would sing. They would say Mother, we got up early this morning and we did two lessons of math. We worked ahead because we knew it would bless you. 23 years later, yeah, not once.

[Todd] And the thing is that, you’ve got a pretty good handle on it, on the outside anyway, and so you know that’s a…

[Heidi] So do you want to get invited back or not, dude? Make up your mind?

[Todd] You know enough to know that’s an unrealistic expectation. But there are a lot of moms who don’t. They say it, but deep down they feel like, well, how come my kids are the only kids that are this way? And I’ve heard lots of moms, lots of moms who’ve come up to me and said, we did everything they said. And then they go down through this list, and it’s really a sad list. Like we did dresses only, we… whatever. We didn’t watch Disney movies. We didn’t put our kids in the nursery, and it’s just a ridiculous list. And then they say, and it didn’t turn out the way we thought it was going to turn out. Sadly, they were led astray by someone who promised something that they should not have promised. And it’s not just one person, it was lots of people.

But the thing is, this homeschooling thing, this family thing, is hard. And it’s comforting to me to know that I’m doing the hard a good thing with somebody else. To know that the St. Johns, it’s hard for them too. To know that, for their kids, their kids don’t always act like they would like them to act. They don’t always make choices that they’d like them to make. And somehow when my kids are making those, it comforts me to know that I can talk to somebody who’s going through the same thing. And really, we’re all going through the same thing. But it’s really sad to me for those moms who plaster this smile on their face. And as you’re talking to them, you get this feeling like, you’re not happy on the inside are you? You’re dying on the inside.

And sometimes they’re pretty good at covering up. I mean, I know moms who, their kids are doing some really painful, terrible things, not because they’re bad kids, but because they’re normal kids who’ve been caught up in something. And then when they meet with their little group, they never even mention it. They just keep playing that game and saying, well, I’m good, you’re good. And they perpetuate that lie that kills us. It just kills us. So really, that’s all I want. People will say, oh, The Smiling Homeschooler, is it’s all about smiling? No, it’s not all about smiling. It’s not about faking ourselves out to smile. It’s about being real. It’s about talking about when our houses are disasters and our lives feel the same. And somehow, that takes some of the pressure off and then we really can smile.

[Heidi] Yeah. And you’ve done a good job for these many years now of really bringing joy into the equation. And I think part of the way that you have done that so successfully is by just acknowledging, hey look, this is hard. I think there’s something you and I really have in common. I don’t have time for this, your life is perfect, my life is perfect. Homeschooling is hard. But something that you and I agree on and have talked about for many years is that the hard things—things that are worth it in this life are hard. Nothing that’s worth it is easy. And that includes marriage, it includes homeschooling, right? All of these things.

[Todd] Yeah. And even I, and maybe you do it to Heidi, people will say, oh, you’re so real, Todd. And I’m always like, I don’t say everything. Because there are things that we don’t share with everybody. But I hope that there is somebody that you can be real with. I can remember one time hearing Chuck Swindoll on the radio and him saying, well, we all struggle with things and he had his… And then he said, what really makes me mad, and I thought he was going to have a big zinger. And he said, oh, when when little kids stand on my shoes. He goes, that just really makes you mad. And when he got done, I’m like, that’s it? That’s all that makes you mad? And I just think when we can tell someone, at least someone, the real ugly stuff, it just is refreshing.

[Heidi] Well, it brings freedom. It really does bring freedom. I posted on Facebook, I don’t know, several weeks ago that our family has just been going through, just going through the ringer over here. I talked to you about a couple of weeks ago and we had just thing after thing after thing. And one of the things that happened was that our youngest daughter got lice. Dude, I’ve been married for 30 years, seven kids. I’ve never seen a head louse before. I was like, what is this monstrosity? And then I thought, for goodness sake. She sits on my lap every day. I read to her. And I was like, I bet I have it too. So I start crying going to somebody, could you please look through my head? They were like, what? Sure enough, it wasn’t a bad case, but I definitely had it. 

And I thought, okay, somebody’s going to find out about this. I’d rather get ahead of it. I’d rather say, “hey, want to know what’s going on at St. John’s? We got this going on and that going on, and all of our pipes are busted and the east side of our house, it has to be repaired. And oh, by the way, we have head-lice. I just want to set my entire hair on fire, but I decided you know not to do that”. You know what’s amazing? I started getting emails from people who had heard it and they listened. They’re like, “oh my word. That happened to me too, and I was so embarrassed”. I’m like, why are we embarrassed to say this is life? Like life is messy.

[Todd] Right.

[Heidi] Life is messy, and it’s hard. I think that there’s some sort of joy in comradery and just saying, “can we just agree together that this thing is hard, but it’s also worth it?”. That’s really been the message that you’ve been bringing to family’s for many years.

[Todd] Yeah. You keep fighting, you keep focusing on this many years’ thing, you know.

[Heidi] Yeah well dude, you’re a dinosaur. Everybody knows it.

[Todd] Well, it’s sure been fun.

[Heidi] How old are you now Todd? Are you like 60 yet?

[Todd] No. I’m not there yet.

[Heidi] You and I, we’re getting to the jumping off place. That’s all there is to it.

[Todd] That’s right.

[Heidi] That’s all there is to it. I want to know your opinion on something. I’m actually getting ready to write about this. I’m in the middle of a book project right now and I’ve been kind of thinking hard on the teenage years and young adults in particular…

[Todd] I’m against them.

[Heidi] And I think that…

[Todd] I don’t think we should have teenage years.

[Heidi] I know, right? Yeah. You and Jay, I think we’ve agreed on this before, but something I’ve noticed, and I know this is true for moms and I’m assuming it’s true for dads as well, so I can only speak to it really from my perspective, but I think they can be very lonely years. When our kids are little we’re trying to figure out the potty training thing and then the first time your kid lies to you and he’s six years old, and you go, “my kid lied to me and this is how we addressed it”, blah blah blah. But when your 16 year old kid lies to you or when your 17 year old kid makes a choice that you cry yourself to sleep over, you can’t get on Facebook and say, this happened today with my, because they can read it. What I’m noticing is a lot of these moms, they go underground and it creates this lonely, sort of space, that we exist in. And I’m wondering—do you notice this is happening too?

I feel like these are lonely, lonely years because what we really want to do, and I think this is important, I think what you said earlier is totally right. We don’t want to overshare, especially when it comes to our kids. We want to be so tender and so careful and yet we still need to be able to say, I’m having a hard time or this is hard or oh my goodness, young adults, hello. I mean, I’ve got a 28 year old now at 25 and 22. We’ve got kids who are well into their young adult years and that brings with it… it’s wonderful.. but there are also aspects of it that are very hard. What do you say, I mean, do you notice that this is also, do you see this happening with dads too? Or do you think it’s more the moms who carry it or how do you see it?

[Todd] Yeah I do, it hits us all, but I think moms carry it differently. Dads sometimes will bury themselves in their work or they’ll just keep busy doing other things or they ignore it. We’d kind of like to—if I don’t know it, it can’t be as bad as it is.

[Heidi] Right.

[Todd] But moms, you know, moms internalize it and they start to blame themselves and then they begin to blame their husbands.

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Todd] And so it puts a lot of pressure on marriages. But, again, going back to being able to tell things, I agree, you don’t need to tell everybody, but if you have a friend that you would call a good friend—you should be able to tell her. If you’re part of a small group, that may be a bunch of ladies… and maybe it feels more awkward when you’re with  a couples thing. But if you’re in this small couples group, you should be able to tell them. In fact, I think it’s bigger than just you. You know, when you’re going through a hard time…I mean, I used to do men’s Bible studies all the time, and you know, the guys would talk about zero. I mean they’d just talk about, “yeah, my yard, I got locked a lot of moles, you know, and I’m trying to..”, and then, you know, well, is there any, anything we can be praying about? And they’re talking about, “well, I’m having some job things, you know, they’re putting a lot of pressure on me”. And then all of a sudden I say, “well, you know, my wife says she hates me”. And they go, “well, my wife said the same thing”. You know, and then.. because really I don’t do that just to get their prayer help…

[Heidi] You’re trying to get them to open up.

[Todd] I’m trying to let them know that they’re okay.

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Todd] I’ll tell you, we all go through… and we say things like, you know, “we all have hard marriages”. The truth is sometimes our spouse hates us. Sometimes our spouse is involved in things we just, we hate, we hate. I hear it all the time. I heard it this past week, you know. Sometimes we haven’t been intimate in months and months or years and years and again we think, oh Heidi, she gets mad at Jay, but she’s never been there. Well Heidi has been there. I’ve been there, we’ve all been there. We don’t always live there. For parents of teens, I think the pressures are huge. We think we’re keeping it well hidden.

But I mean, here’s the ugly truth. Your friends are watching your kids on Facebook and Instagram, so they know what they’re doing anyway. You know?

[Heidi] That’s right.

[Todd] I’ll tell you, my wife is so bold and so real. We had dinner with a couple and it’s been a little while ago, but their son posts things on Facebook… he uses all the words that I would have had my mouth washed out with soap, and he uses it very freely.

[Heidi] Right.

[Todd] He uses them to make a point and, we got together and I didn’t say anything. And Debbie goes, “so what’s going on with your son? I mean, he seems like he’s saying some…”, and it was freeing for them because they didn’t have to pretend like it wasn’t happening. And so maybe we just ask. I said, “well, your son or daughter, they got that big spikes sticking out of their front of their head. How are things going?”. 

[Heidi] Or there are 17 new piercings in their nose.

[Todd] I’ve found that even if I make light of those, just acknowledge them, all of a sudden… and I’ll tell you what, even as we’re talking to one another, and I want to encourage you, I guess the moms, to be able to be real with their friends, but sometimes when… I can remember talking to a dad and saying to him, “so how things going with your daughter?”. And he’s like, “oh good”. And it felt like it was a little weird situation because again, I had seen some things and I said again, you know, a few minutes later, “so everything’s going okay”. He goes, “yeah”. And then like I asked one more time, “so, is she doing okay?”.

And they said “she’s doing terrible”. If I just let that go, that end of the church greeting time, it wouldn’t have been life changing. Because when they told us it became life changing because all of a sudden we prayed and we let other people know and the conversation grew and God’s doing amazing things. But it doesn’t happen if you keep it to yourself, because that’s the truth. Even when it says in James “confess our sins to one another and pray for one another, we will be healed”. I mean that’s the truth. We will be healed. That’s a promise. We don’t see the healing because nobody prays, and nobody knows because nobody tells each other. 

[Heidi] Yeah it’s so true.

[Todd] Yeah.

[Heidi] Yeah. I think it’s so important for parents who are listening to  realize that they’re not alone. That the struggles that we face as parents are relatively universal. Like we may face them in varying degrees, in one degree or another, but the same thing is true no matter what season of life or even season of homeschooling you find yourself in because we’re parenting very differently now, then we were 28 years ago. The world is a different place and so we’re being challenged on so many fronts and that ability to just say, “man, this is hard. Can you pray for me?”. One of the reasons I love so much love the Homeschool Resource Center is that this is a place for people to come and just to… We have counseling here, we do—hey, here’s what’s going on. We’re going to do parenting classes because we’re acknowledging this thing that you’re doing. It’s hard. It’s hard. But if we’ll link arms and actually talk about what’s going on in our homes and talk about what’s going on in our marriages, somehow it really does ease the burden. 

I loved what you said earlier, I can of wrote this down because I think it’s important. I kind of want to circle back to it. You said, “but we did everything they said”. I was thinking back to sort of the earlier days of homeschooling when legalism was just, it was a thing and it was the dresses and we’d grind our own wheat and make it into flour and the home-schoolers were very… There was a stereotype of home-schoolers. And then we began to see the follow up from this just rules-based parenting. And Jay and I have made our fair fair share of mistakes. I’d love to sit here and say “we did it right and here’s how you do it”.

[Todd] Right. Me too, I’d like to rub it in your faces.

[Heidi] But you know, didn’t work that way.

[Todd] Yeah.

[Heidi] I started talking about this a long time ago out on the road, just saying, “listen, rules without relationship equals rebellion”. And we have seen a lot of that in the homeschool movement over the last 20 years. I’m wondering if you can speak to that for just a minute. Because there are moms and dads who are listening to this right now and we’ve got lots of people listening with teens, but we’ve also got lots of people listening who are just starting out in their parenting, and just starting out in homeschooling, just trying to get their bearings. I’m wondering if you can talk to the parents who are going, “man, is there a formula?” Where do you direct those parents?

[Todd] You know, I’ll say there is no formula. Anybody who says “do this and your kids…” “if you do it God’s way….”

[Heidi] Trying to sell a book.

[Todd] Yeah. It doesn’t matter. We talk about like, it used to be a thing. It’s a thing now. It’s changed a little bit. Now it’s about—if you eat the right way or you avoid these different things, these toxins… and there’s so much going on…

[Heidi] That’s true.

[Todd] That we think we’re going to, it’s going to be okay. I’ll tell you, I don’t believe in formulas, but I believe in this— that the love of a parent, unconditional love is irresistible. That they can not resist it. It doesn’t mean they’re not going to make some bad choices, but you can’t walk away from it. I think sometimes we get our rules before us, and I can remember at times where I was just critical all the time. I was just on my kids because I wanted godly kids so they had to act this way. They couldn’t say this and they had to be this way. After a while I’m like, man, I wouldn’t like me either because I’m just critical about everything.

[Heidi] So good.

[Todd] But I think for us as moms and dads, and I’m going to put even more on the dad’s, not that, again —I don’t believe it’s a formula, but I think dad’s somehow carry an extra weight. I remember talking to a dad and he was one of those dads who was in that super legalistic, that Gotthard thing. And he was running some teenage girl retreats. And so they’d have a bunch of these girls in and, so we’re just lightly talking. And he said, “oh, Todd, you wouldn’t believe all the”, he said, “they’re all struggling, all the girls”. And I wondered if I knew the answer, but I asked him, I said, “so what do you think it is?”. He goes, “these are the cream of the crop girls”. I mean, these are the girls who’ve memorized the entire new and old Testament. And they do all the right things. He goes…

[Heidi] They win the Bible Bees for goodness sakes.

[Todd] Exactly. He goes “the problem is, is their relationship with their dads”. And I’m like.. and that’s what I thought he might say that because you know, dads— you can be doing all those things. If you are not not loving your daughter unconditionally, your son’s unconditionally, and not liking your kids. If you don’t smile at your kids, I’ll tell you, you’re pushing them away. My kids desperately want me to smile at them. And to be honest, you want a tough question? ask your kids, and not around the dinner table because everybody would be goofy. But say, “Do you think I like you?” 

Honestly I think some of my kids might say, “Oh, I know my dad loves me, but I don’t know if he likes everything about me, because my hair is this way and I’m late or I drop the ball.” And that breaks my heart, because I want my kids to know that I like them. And I’ll tell you, you can even begin to do that just by smiling at your kids. But I don’t think you can walk away from a parent who smiles at you. I just don’t think you can do it. Because why would you want to? But on the reverse of that, why would you want to stay close to someone who is always looking at you with disappointment? And so yes, our kids, teenagers do dumb things because we did dumb things. I say we put our arm around them and we go, “Hey, we’re going to make it through. That was a really stupid choice. I love you. And we’re going to make it through together.”

[Heidi] I think these are… It sounds, on its face, it sounds like, “Oh yeah, duh.” But it’s actually pretty hard to do.

[Todd] It’s really hard to do.

[Heidi] When you’re frustrated… I remember one of my sons came to me a long time ago and he was probably 16 and he said, “I feel like the word I hear from you most about me is disappointed.” And it set me back because I was thinking instead of me saying, “I’m mad at you,” or, “I’m angry,” I thought it was a softer word. I was like, “I’m really disappointed.” And he said, “That’s all I really ever hear.” He said, “I feel like nothing that I do is ever going to rise above the level of your disappointment.” And it set me back. But I’ll tell you, it also made me really consider how am I talking to the other six kids? If he feels it and he’s brave enough to to say it, then surely the other kids are feeling the same way. And I think that moment when you realize, it really is love that makes the difference. It’s love that makes a difference. And we’re walking through some deep water with some of our kids right now. And one of the things that I have been most encouraged by lately is the adults who come back home and they want to sit on the couch and talk to you about it because they know you’re going to lean in and you’re going to hug them and you’re going to say, “Man, I love you. Your dad and I were praying for you by name. How can I pray for you more? What can I do?” And then all of a sudden they’ll begin to open up and they begin to say, “Hey, I’m struggling with this and what do you think about that?” But if we push them away, it’s very hard to get it back.

[Todd] It is hard to get it back. And I think really, sometimes we begin to freak out because they make some choices that maybe we wouldn’t choose, but we’ve been training them for 20 plus years to make good choices. And could we possibly believe that maybe our training has paid off. That they’re going to make a choice. Maybe we don’t understand it, but maybe it’s not as far off as we think it is. Because we didn’t know very much when we were their age either. And it’s just part of it. 

[Heidi] Yeah, it really is. I remember when our first daughter got married and that was a tough transition for us. I don’t know why, man. But we were just like, “What? You’re doing what?” And they’ve been married for seven years now and they got two kids and one on the way. And some of the biggest joys of our life are Savannah and her husband and just watching their family grow in the Lord. But I’ll tell you what, I stumbled and tripped up and said things I wished I hadn’t said. And my friend, Steve Lambert, I called Steve and Jane one day…

[Todd] Yeah, he’s probably been on your show like four times.

[Heidi] Yeah. Yeah, we’ll talk about that later, Todd. Wait, wait, I’m ticking things off my list right now.

[Todd] Okay.

[Heidi] So I called Steve and Jane one day and I was just in tears and I was like… You know what it was, it was fear. I was just afraid. I so much want her to be happy and I so much want her to make it a good choice. And my fear of that she’d make a wrong choice was clouding my judgment. And Steve said something so profound to me. He just said, “Heidi, have you trained Savannah to hear the Lord?” And I said, “Well, I hope so. That’s what we’ve been doing for 21 years.” And you said, “Well, now is the time for you to step back and actually let her do it.” And Jay and I, we talked about that over dinner and that was really the turning point I think in our shepherding of our adult children was to say, “We’ve been training you and now we’re going to let you listen for the Lord and we’re just going to cheer you on from the sidelines. And yes, we’ll tell you if we think this is a terrible decision, but for the most part we’re going to trust you.” And I think that’s part of it.

[Todd] And like you said, “And you can trust God in that too, and really, that takes a lot of pressure off me.” Because I used to think I had to have my kids perfect by the time they got married. And the truth is God has a lot of lessons after they get married because…

[Heidi] We’re still learning.

[Todd] We’re still learning. Because the truth is… My oldest son, Ben and Rissa, one day Rissa will hate him because that’s just the truth. And so will my other kids’ spouses and they’re going to just… But we’ve trained Ben. He’s going to stay married and they’re going to keep working through that. But they may have to learn some of those things by spending nights on the couch, or maybe your son or daughter or teenager has to get fired from their job or not get accepted to this school they want to go to because they didn’t fill out their paperwork on time. But sometimes moms of teenagers, we go behind and we tidy things up all the time because we don’t want them to have to be fired. We don’t want… so “Get up. Are you up? It’s time to get up!” Wait, are you at my house right now?

[Todd] Yeah, exactly. And I think…

[Heidi] I feel like this is happening in my house right now.

[Todd] It’s happening in all our of our houses right now. But I’ll tell you, once they get fired or once they get that reprimand, they learn a lesson. And I guess I’m okay with letting God do what He needs to do. And it won’t be fun and it will look bad on us because everybody’s going to say, “Ah, yeah, that’s one of the St. John’s kids, isn’t it?”

[Heidi] That’s right.

[Todd] “Isn’t she a speaker?” “Tells people how to be good parents?”

[Heidi] Yeah. And that’s actually pretty… That’s a pretty real pressure.

[Todd] Oh, yeah.

[Heidi] Jay and I tried really hard to shield our kids from that, but I did have one of my kids just in a moment of anger, we’re angry at each other.

[Todd] Sure.

[Heidi] And this one child says to me, “You know, it’s really hard to be your kid.”

[Todd] Oh yeah.

[Heidi] I looked at that kid and I was like, “Wow, if you wanted to hurt me, congratulations.” You figured it out.

[Todd] Yeah, but it’s true. It is true.

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Todd] And what I wanted… I can remember with Ben, my oldest, when he was a little kid, I was a pastor of a church and he was throwing this major fit. And I can remember getting down, I couldn’t remember where he was standing. And I remember getting down into his face because he couldn’t have been maybe seven or eight. And I got in his face and I said, “Stop it because you’re embarrassing me.” And I can remember the look in his eye right now. And it was kind of like he was saying, “Oh, you’re on their side, aren’t you dad?” And I decided at that moment that from that point on, whenever he threw a fit or embarrassed me, I’d put my arm around him and go, “Yep, that’s my boy.” And we’re working on it. But I wouldn’t turn against him.

And as you’ve said, these are easy words to say. It’s hard to do because I’m all warm and fuzzy right now, but I’ll go upstairs and go, “Why haven’t you guys done what you’re suppose to do?” And I’ll be mean a few minutes later. But I believe… And when we blow up, we just go to our kids and we go, “I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?” And really, our kids are so willing and resilient and they go, “Yeah, I do.” Because they want to be right with you.

[Heidi] Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. Well, I feel like I just got a straight up counseling session, so thanks a lot, Todd. I feel better about my mothering right now.

[Todd] Well, that’s good. I don’t, because I’ve only been on the show once and Steve Lambert’s been on it like 12 times probably.

[Heidi] Yeah, you right. You right. I like to run and hide from that, but I can’t. Well, I’m definitely going to fix this. I know there are a lot of people listening right now who are sitting down and going, “Thank you Lord for the ministry that Todd Wilson has to parents.” You have been such a gift to so many over all these years. I know it’s been like a hundred years, I think.

[Todd] It has. Been 75 probably.

[Heidi] A 100 years. I think I met you… I want to say I met you in Seattle.

[Todd] I think so.

[Heidi] At an event.

[Todd] I think so.

[Heidi] Yeah. Yeah. At an event in Seattle and I remember then just going, “Dude, this guy is real.” And I so appreciated that and I still appreciate it and I want to thank you for coming on the show.

[Todd] My pleasure.

[Heidi] You have a podcast also. Where can listeners find you? Because I know these are podcast listeners, so they’re familiar with the podcast genre. Where can they find your podcast?

[Todd] Well, if you’re a guy, we have one called the Family Man Show. You can find on iTunes and where good podcasts are found. You can also go to our website, familymanweb.com. If you’re a homeschooling mom, we have one called the Smiling Homeschooler and again, you can find it where those things are found. Or you can go to our website there or Facebook, the smilinghomeschooler.com.

[Heidi] And Todd, if you will send me some links, I will link back to you today.

[Todd] I will do that.

[Heidi] All right, well Todd Wilson, it’s been a joy. Thank you so much for coming on. I will have you again. I promise. If not, I’ll owe you a latte when I see you on the cruise ship on January…

[Todd] And you know how many lattes I’ve had in my life?

[Heidi] I know because I think the first time you ever went to Starbucks was with me and Jay.

[Todd] That was the first time. I haven’t been back since. That was like a really weird story because when we walked in, I said, “I’d never been.” And you go… you both looked at me like, “What you mean you’ve never been in one? This week?” And you just like couldn’t get past that I had never been in a Starbucks before.

[Heidi] I know we were like, is this like an Indiana thing? Because in the Pacific Northwest… Like actually, true confessions, I don’t like Starbucks coffee. Here, the joke is we call it Charbucks because it tastes like it’s burned.

[Todd] Yeah.

[Heidi] We’re kind of coffee snobs and that’s the truth. And so I don’t like their coffee, but I really like their egg bites and I really like the frappuccino and I actually don’t like their politics and I could go on and on. But I just couldn’t believe that you had never actually been. Jay and I were scratching our heads going, “What?”

[Todd] I refused to go into one without the St. John’s. I will not go back.

[Heidi] All right, good.

[Todd] Okay. It’s like a tradition with me.

[Heidi] We’ll try to find one in Fort Lauderdale, like once every eight years, we’ll go to Starbucks.

[Todd] I think so. I’m good for it.

[Heidi] Todd Wilson, you are a delight. Please say hi to your wife for me.

[Todd] I will.

[Heidi] Hey, thanks for listening everybody. I hope you’ve enjoyed this. If you want more information on Todd Wilson, you can go to the smilinghomeschooler.com or familymanweb.com. I will link back to it all things Todd Wilson in the show notes today.

As always, we appreciate your feedback. If you’re enjoying the podcast, please leave a review for us over at iTunes and if you’ve got questions for Mailbox Monday, you can find the form to fill out to send those questions to me at heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. Have a great weekend everybody and I’ll see you back here on Monday.

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Do They See Jesus? — MSI Week Four | 823

There is so much to the idea of being ambassadors! An ambassador does not speak to please his audience, but the king who sent him. An ambassador does not speak on his own authority; his own opinions or demands mean little. He simply says what he has been commissioned to say. But an ambassador is more than a messenger; he is also a representative, and the honor and reputation of his country are in his hands.  Join me as I dig into week four our of study “Ambassador” from MomStrong International!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Daniel 1:1-5,17

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Scripture Mentioned in Podcast

  • 1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

All things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

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TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey friends, this is Heidi St. John. Thanks for joining me today at the podcast. I love it when you hang out with me and my little corner of the internet. Today is Wednesday, September 25th and this is episode number 823. This is MomStrong International Wednesday and today we’re going to be wrapping up our September study called ambassador. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

I hope you guys have been enjoying the study. If you haven’t joined us yet at MomStrong International, can I just encourage you to do that? I have a passion to see you grow in your relationship with the Lord, not just to be stagnant or to sit and soak and just take everything in, but to actually learn how God wants you to interact with the culture and then do it with boldness. This is God’s heart for you and this is certainly the the heart behind the study Ambassador that we’ve been doing all month. If you haven’t been joining me, let me talk to you a little bit about the heart and the mission of MomStrong International. First of all, you can become a leader with MSI and one of the things we’re trying to do is train leaders. We are making a study guide for you so that you can lead an MSI group in your home or at your church. These are not just little women’s Bible studies where we talk about our feelings and sing kumbaya. We’re actually gonna have you open God’s Word and dig deep into the truth of His Word so that you can have answers for the questions that the world is asking right now. This goes along with my heart for you, for my Faith That Speaks Women’s Conference. If you haven’t noticed that the culture is struggling today, then you might not be living here on planet earth. Because look around you. The questions are coming. The rapid fire questions are coming in. As God’s people, the Word of God says that we need to be ready to give an answer for the hope that lies within you.

Here and around the world, the need for healing is great, but in the midst of one of the most challenging spiritual times in human history, God’s people are struggling to remember who they are. The Bible says that you are an ambassador of the living God. But rather than be ambassadors, we have become timid and afraid to speak. The Bible teaches us in 2 Timothy that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but rather of power and love and a sound mind. I want to encourage you not to be afraid to speak about the hope of Jesus and not to be silenced because we’ve allowed ourselves and our message to be silenced. As the church has lost its voice, the world has lost its way. Jesus knew this would happen right after Paul exhorted us to put on the full armor of God.

He said to this sense: stay alert with all perseverance, making supplication—in other words, asking for God’s help— for all of the saints and also for me, that words might be given to me so that I might open my mouth to boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains that I may declare a boldly as I ought to. The Psalmist said, let the redeemed of the Lord say so and so. This is what we do at my women’s conference, Faith That Speaks. I want to invite you to come and join me anywhere that you see that I will be. I’m going to teach you how you can boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel as the Bible says we ought to. While the world was perishing all around us, we want to get together for a day of just encouragement and hope to equip ourselves with the hope of the gospel and proclaim it to other people— this hope that we have in Jesus. I hope you guys will come out. 

I also want to let you know that I am expecting Christmas cards in the mail from you guys this year. I have a whole wall that’s dedicated for your pictures and your letters and I would love for the families at the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center and the staff of Firmly Planted Family to see what God is doing in your life. We’d love to hear from you. You can send us pictures of your family and letters and we’d just love to connect with you that way. We would love to hear from you.

I also want to let you know if you’ve got a question for Mailbox Monday, we have a web page set up for you now. You can go to HeidiStJohn.com/mailboxmonday and drop your question in there. Today is week four of our study on being an ambassador for Jesus. Friday, my friend Todd Wilson is going to be on the show with me. I love Todd and Debbie. They have had a tremendous influence in the homeschool community. The thing I love the most about Todd is that he is real. He’s not going to sugar coat a life. He’s not going to sugarcoat homeschooling. He’s going to say that even though it’s hard, it’s worth it. One of the things I love to tell parents is that there’s nothing that’s worth doing in this life. It’s easy. So if it’s worth it, you can expect opposition. If it’s worth it, you can expect it’s going to be hard. 

The same thing is true of being an ambassador. Our verse this week at the mom strong international Bible study is 1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 . 

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

There is so much to the idea of being ambassadors! An ambassador does not speak to please his audience, but the king who sent him. An ambassador does not speak on his own authority; his own opinions or demands mean little. He simply says what he has been commissioned to say. But an ambassador is more than a messenger; he is also a representative, and the honor and reputation of his country are in his hands. In layman’s terms, an ambassador is a representative. “A minister of the highest rank employed by one prince or state, at the court of another, to manage the public concerns of his own prince or state, and representing the power and dignity of his sovereign.” 

It’s interesting that Noah Webster identifies ambassadors as “ordinary, when they reside permanently at a foreign court; or extraordinary, when they are sent on a special occasion.” We would be ordinary ambassadors, and it makes such perfect sense that Jesus Christ is the most extraordinary ambassador ever to walk this earth! He was sent here for a special occasion. He actually came to die. He came on mission, and sometimes this foreign world that we live in now crowds in and it’s easy to get caught up in the swirl. Disease ravages, culture mocks, leaders we have learned much from walk away from their first love, evil takes the form of a bullet spray, compromise is demanded at work. Compromises demanded at work. The Israelites felt the weight of living somewhere not their home. 

“By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion. Upon the willows in the midst of it we hung our harps. For there our captors demanded of us songs, and our tormentors mirth, saying, ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion.’ How can we sing the LORD’S song in a foreign land?” (Psalm 137:1-4)

If you resonate with a cry of the Israelites…how can I have joy in the culture? The world is stealing my children’s hearts! We feel the weight of wanting to just give up the fight; we feel the drain of staying in the battle—and yet—that weight is the enemy’s unending goal, to which we cannot yield! Mom, if you stay on the sidelines and wring your hands, your family will be lost. It is worth taking unsteady steps into the battlefield, for the Lord will strengthen you with every pace. The Israelites cried out with resolve to God and one another, “If I forget you, O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget her skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not exalt Jerusalem above my chief joy” (Psalm 137:5-6).

You see, we are on assignment here, men and women. Every breath that we take is for God’s preordained purpose to be worked out in us. DON’T FORGET THIS. I had my friend Laura Gallier on the show a couple of days ago and we were talking about the very real spiritual battle that we are engaged in right now. You guys, this is a battle for life and death. It is literally life and death. It hangs in the balance. Don’t forget it. In the darkest hours of slavery in a country not their [Israelites] own, they fought to remember God’s purpose in the now and His victory in the end. We can grab the baton of hope that believers have passed down through centuries of being on mission for Almighty God!

As we move among other ambassadors that we are also in relationship with it—that’s the people I work with every day at Firmly Planted Family, that’s my staff here at the podcast, it’s my family, it’s my husband. These are the ambassadors who God has called me to be in relationship with. Then, we are also called to love God and one another in the way that God would want us to by calling sin for what it is.  If we don’t have a relationship with another believer, then we haven’t earned the right to speak into their lives, and we surely haven’t earned the right to jump on them publicly—our role is to pray. In our homes, among our friends and our kids’ friends, at events in town, in conversations both digitally and in person, we need to keep a fresh awareness that in this life, the spotlight is on God, not us. Let’s purpose to point our light directly to Him for His glory. The hope of our future is what we are representing in the present, Mom. Let’s bring that hope to the forefront of all we are. 

That’s what we’re doing this week when we study being an ambassador for the last time in September. It’s our story, for God’s glory. We’ve read this verse 1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; 

God wants you to be set apart. When people look at the film reel of your life, it’s as if you are projecting a light behind your life that projects what you believe onto the screen in front of you. Did people see Jesus? Do they see Him in the way that you interact with your spouse? Did they see you, men and women, laying your lives down for each other? Not because of how good you are, but because of God’s working in your life? …because you recognize that your life is speaking for the one who sent you. You are an ambassador. The Bible says you’ve been chosen—so what does it mean to be chosen? Well, if there’s a God, and you guys have heard me talk about this before as I believe that there is… and if He rules the world in His sovereignty as the Bible says that He does, and if He’s going to bring human history to a close according to His plan and appoint every person and eternal destiny as Jesus taught that He will — then every person listening to this today needs to be asking a question that’s central to our humanity.

How can I bring my life into alignment with God’s purpose for my life? 

How does God want me to live? If we don’t know the answer to this question and if our lives are not in alignment with God’s purpose, then what happens is we find ourselves at cross-purposes with God and therefore excluded from His kingdom in the age to come. This is a fearful thing! It’s a fearful thing to be at cross purposes with our Creator. On the flip side of that, nothing inspires courage and endurance and hope for our daily lives, like knowing the purpose of God and feeling ourselves wholeheartedly in harmony with it. The gospel doesn’t leave us where it binds us. The miracle is that it changes us and it brings us freedom because we realize we’ve been chosen, we are Christ’s ambassadors and we also have the opportunity to choose.

We can either make Jesus the Lord of our lives or not. When we make Him Lord, than it looks a lot like Lordship. You see, if we claim the message of the gospel, our lives should look different. Mom who’s listening to this today, your life should look different. Heidi St. John, your life should look different. It’s easy for me to fall into old patterns of sin or to lose the perspective that God wants me to have for the blessing that I have been given to walk in relationship with my husband and my children. All of it is part of our ambassadorship. Every single part of your life should be marked by Lordship saying— Lord, I’m going to give you 100% of the reigns of my life. Father, I’m going to let you speak through me. This is why I’m so passionate about my women’s conference Faith That Speaks. It’s teaching us how to speak, that our mouths would declare that we believe that Jesus is the Lord and we want Him to be the Lord of our life. That starts with repentance.It starts with saying— Lord, open my eyes to whatever it is that’s in my life right now that doesn’t please you. 

Some of you are listening to this right now and the Holy Spirit is pricking at your heart and you can feel it. You know that what you’ve been watching on Netflix, or what you’ve been saying to your children, or how you’ve been treating your spouse doesn’t please the Lord. I’ve noticed something recently. I told you guys we’ve gone through a pretty rough season here at Firmly Planted, and I don’t have 45 minutes to go over that with you to today, but I can tell you it’s brought me to my knees.

I’ve sat on the floor in my office and cried with some of our staffers as we’ve tried to understand what the Lord is doing. In the midst of all of that, we lift our hands up to the Lord and we say— Father, we’re giving this to you. It belongs to you. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Through it all, whether we are in times of want or in times of plenty, we want our lives to say that Jesus is the Lord of our life and that God is good and that His heart toward us is good. We want our lives to reflect no matter what circumstance we’re walking through. Joy isn’t a product of our circumstances. Joy is the unmistakable sign of the presence of God. It says no matter what’s happening in my life right now, I trust the Lord Jesus and I know that God is at work. That means we cling to the knowledge that we are who God says we are and we believe it with our hearts and we live it out with our lives whether things are going the way we want them to or whether they’re not. 

There was a young mom that came recently to see me at an event that I was speaking at and she was talking about her relationship with her husband and she was disappointed in her marriage and disappointed in the direction that her life was going. Disappointed in where she was in her life at that point. Her response to that disappointment, rather than let it drive her closer in with the Lord, she had become bitter. In her bitterness, she began to say things to her husband that would wound him. Eventually that wounding that she was doing to her husband was spilling over into her children and her children were resentful toward their dad. So the atmosphere in their home became toxic. 

Do you think that she can be an ambassador for the Lord in a toxic environment like that? No way. But it’s bigger than that. Beyond the ambassadorship that God has given her He said— Hey, you’re speaking for me. The enemy has come in and closed her eyes to the fact that her home should have been a place where a family of ambassadors resides. Not only are they unable to be ambassadors, but the poison they have allowed to come into their home is leaching into their children and leaching out into the community. 

You’re a target if you know the Lord Jesus as your Lord and savior. Can I tell you right now? The enemy’s not going to let that sit. He knows right where to wound you. He knows right where to get you. He doesn’t want you to be an ambassador. He doesn’t want you to live a life of repentance. He doesn’t want you to be honest about the sin struggles that you’re dealing with or ask for help or seek forgiveness. 

He’d rather see you get bitter and angry and have that be the thing that marks your life. Can I just encourage you as we draw this study of being an ambassador to a close—that God has so much more for you than that. You serve a God of healing. He wants you to be whole in your marriages and whole in relationship with your children, but it starts in coming under the authority of Jesus and walking in right relationship and having your relationship with God be whole. That starts with repentance. It encourages me when I watch moms and dads get on their knees before the Lord and say—Father, I’m struggling with sin in my life. I want your healing. We’re going to be talking about this through the study at MomStrong International. We’re going to be talking about forgiveness and though the process of forgiveness isn’t easy, it’s going to require that you keep your eyes so focused on the Lord that you can’t hear the enemy as he tells you it’s not worth it. We’re going to study some passages in 2 Corinthians 2, we’re going to study what it means to press into the truth of being an ambassador for the Lord by putting on the full armor of God and not allowing a root of bitterness to take place. I hope you guys will join us. You can download the study today, print it off, go over it with your families. It’s a great time to just print this study off and over the dinner table.

Dad, you can print it off and just go through a page with your wife and with your kids or mom. You can do this by yourself or you can do it with your children, but study God’s Word. It is life giving and it will teach you what it means to be an ambassador. There’s freedom in it and there’s joy and there’s healing and there’s hope. Oh my goodness, I love God’s Word. Read God’s Word and see if you don’t discover the life changing power of following Jesus. I want to thank you guys for studying with me for the month of September this idea of being an ambassador and what it means. If you’ve been encouraged, we would love it. If you leave reviews for the podcast over at iTunes. Let people know that you listen and the impact it’s making.

I want to encourage you to, again, send me your pictures. I love to hear from you. We love getting snail mail here at Firmly Planted Family. We love to hear what God’s doing in your life. Send us a picture of your family. 

Thank you so much for listening and I will see you back here on Friday with my friend, author and speaker, Todd Wilson.

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Kids and Chores: Just Say YES | 822

Busy mom Sarah asks, “Are chores really important? I want my kids to enjoy their childhood without experiencing something so “adult!” I love this question 🙂 so let’s talk about it!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • John 3:3-8

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

All things Heidi

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey you guys, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to my little corner of the Internet. Today is Monday, September 23rd this is episode number 822.  It’s mailbox Monday. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about chores and children and what it takes to raise a healthy adult. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

Thanks for tuning in today. I cannot go through the day without wishing happy birthday to my oldest daughter who turns 28 today. Savannah, you are a joy and I’m so excited to see what the Lord has for you. Savannah and Ryan are expecting our third grandchild this spring—we’re excited about that and we’re going to have a great day to day celebrating the beautiful person that is Savannah. 

A couple of things—it is coming into Christmas card season and I thought I would give you guys a heads up this year because last year I was too late. We love to hear from you and here at Firmly Planted Family, we love to see your pictures. We’d love to get your Christmas cards. I’m going to start going on a little Christmas card campaign asking if you can send pictures of your family and maybe drop us a note about what the podcast has meant to you. We’d love to hear from you. I know that you don’t have your Christmas cards ready — I’m just giving you a heads up. I know I said the “C”word, I said Christmas, I realize it’s still September, but last year I was late so this year I thought I would would be early. Your welcome. 

I also want to let you guys know that we’re coming up on a brand new season of my women’s conference and I cannot wait to have you guys participating in that and coming to that, it will be all over the United States this coming year. The conference is called Faith That Speaks. If you haven’t noticed, the culture is struggling. Look around you. The questions keep coming. Where are the answers? 

Here and around the world, the need for healing is great, but in the midst of one of the most spiritually challenging times in human history, God’s people have seemed to have forgotten who they are. I’m going to spend this year reminding you that you are who God says you are and then encouraging you to have a faith that speaks. We have become afraid to speak about the hope of Jesus and instead we’ve allowed ourselves and our message to be silenced. As the church has lost its voice, the world has lost its way. Jesus knew this would happen. Right after Paul exhorts us to put on the full armor of God he says this: “To that end, keep alert with all perseverance” Remember, we’ve talked about this before. Perseverance is patience in action. So he says: “…keep alert with all perseverance”. So you don’t stop, you keep alert with all your patience and action. You persevere. That’s patience and action. You make supplication, meaning you ask the Lord for His help “for all the saints”. 

I’m going to say this to you again as sort of 2019 speak: To that end, stay alert, keep your eyes open, demonstrate patience in action while you asked the Lord to help God’s people. Then he says: pray for me. This is the apostle Paul and if he needed prayer for goodness sake, I need it. And If Paul needed prayer: Dad— you need it. Mom— you need it. Teenagers— you need it. He says: pray for me “that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.”

The psalmist said: “Let the redeemed of the Lord… say so.”. That’s what we’re going to do. I want to encourage you, come on and join me any place you see my women’s conference Faith That Speaks and learn how you too can boldly proclaim the mystery of the Gospel as God would have us to open our mouth to declare the truth of the Word of God. The world is perishing all around us and they need to hear from those of us who have the hope of Jesus Christ. You can see where I’m already scheduled to do it. If you would like to bring my women’s conference to your neck of the woods, reach out to us, let us know and we would love to hear from you. There is a speaker tab at HeidiStJohn.com and you can let us know that you’re interested in bringing my women’s conference to your neck of the woods. It really is a day of equipping and encouraging God’s people. We’re going to open up the Word of God and we’re gonna dig in together, we’re gonna have lunch together, we’re gonna do a Q&A, we’re going to worship together. It is wonderful. It is life changing. 

Speaking of the wonderful life changing power of Jesus, Faith is Speaks will be in Vancouver, Washington on Saturday, October 12th tickets are on sale for that right now. I want to encourage you to do that. The weekend after that I will be in Lincoln, Nebraska. My speaking schedule is slowly winding to a close. I hope you guys will come out and join us. We can’t wait to see you. 

You guys know, I love to hear your questions. If you want to submit a question, you can do it by finding me online at HeidiStjohn.com/MailBoxMonday. There’s a form for you to fill out that’s going to help us be more efficient in just filtering your questions. We’d love to hear from you. 

All right, let’s get to today’s question. It comes from Sarah and she says: Heidi, I love listening to your podcast. You have been giving me sanity now for several years. Well, thank you Sarah. I don’t. I think that might be stretching it, but thank you. I am raising five children ages 12 down to one and have a question about chores. At what point did chores become helpful and are they ever not helpful? I have a friend who says that my kids should be enjoying their childhood, not sitting at home doing work that I am supposed to be doing.

A couple things right off the top of my head. First of all, it makes me really mad when people talk like that to moms. This idea that when you train your children to help you around the house, somehow that’s abusive. Somehow your child’s not being able to enjoy being a child. That’s ridiculous. I rebuke it right now. So don’t even listen to that. It’s ridiculous. What you’ve got to remember, and this is what I think probably more than any other topic that I talked to you about parents and this becomes very divisive because we live in a permissive culture right now. 

Your children need to do chores. 

The goal here isn’t to raise a great kid. The goal is to raise a healthy, well-adjusted, awesome adult. You’re not raising kids. That’s my husband’s always telling me— Heidi, we’re not raising kids, we’re raising adults. We’re trying to get them through their childhood with as little regret as possible. We want them to enjoy their childhood and I want them to play—part of the way that we accomplish that is by unplugging them from all their electronic devices, from not sitting in front of the TV all the time. I think what’s happened is in the culture—we’re giving our kids devices. Here’s your iPad and your phone and here’s some video games and here’s this and here’s that. We’re not giving them chores. I think what we should be doing, frankly, is the opposite. I’d say let’s unplug them from all these devices as much as possible and then encourage them to go outside, encourage them to read books, encourage them to engage with chores.

I’m going to talk about age appropriate chores for just a minute. We’ll start with little ones and get all the way up to adults. Our kids need to be helping us around the house and your kids don’t need to like it. Frankly parents, it might be harder for you to teach your kids to help you than it is just to do it yourself. In fact, I can almost guarantee that it’ll be faster. You’ll get the job done faster and it’ll be easier. It’ll be less stressful if you just send your kid off with an iPad and you clean the kitchen, but you’re actually helping with your kid’s development when they start taking on household chores. They can do this from as little as two years old. I blogged about this several years ago at The Busy MOm and I was shocked and dismayed, frankly at the backlash.

All these parents who were like— I can’t believe you’re doing that. You’d make a two year old help you around house? Yes, I would. What’s really interesting to me is when I started having my two-year-olds helped me, they felt like they were an essential part of our family. There are lots and lots of chores that a child can do that helps train them and grow them up and mature them so they can get from one milestone to the next. Depending on the age they can be doing something as simple as helping you wash the baseboards, or dusting. My little ones loved it when I gave them a desk cloth. Occasionally I’d give them a very small spray bottle. Today my kid’s dust with their Thieves Cleaner, which I love it because it has that cinnamon in it and everything smells so good and I know it’s good for them. I might have my grandsons helping me around the house if they’re over. There’s going to be things they can do and things they can’t do. If you’ve got a two year old, they can be helping you sort laundry. This is teaching them sorting the clothes by color, put the grays together, the blues together, the whites together. What you’re doing is you’re training them to help you with laundry. Also, you’re giving them some sensory development that’s good for them. If you’ve got an infant, like you’ve got a brand new baby and a two year old, I had always loved to to say to my two year old — Can you bring Mama the wipeys? Can you go bring this for the baby? They feel like they’re a valuable part of helping you take care of their little brother or sister.

I think it’s important for you to be able to do that and not to listen to people who would tell you that you’re going to mess your kids up if you give them chores. One thing I have learned over 28 years of parenting is that the more chores my children do and the more I say— good job, I’m so proud of you—it actually boosts their self esteem and they’re happier. They really are happier. Children should be doing chores. I understand that it’s controversial, but really it shouldn’t be. There are some parents who will openly say that their kids are too busy for chores or that their job is school. Can I just tell you right now that is a bunch of baloney. Chores are good for kids and we all did, or at least we should have been doing chores when we were in school. 

I was talking to one of my adult kids the other day and he was talking about how busy his life was now and he’s working and going to school and paying his own bills and stuff like that. Well, what would have happened if I had just thrown him out of the home at 18 years old—not giving him any training for that at all? So our children, when they begin to be a certain age—16 years old— if they want to start driving, they pay for their car insurance. How do they do that? Well, they either get a job themselves or I hire them to do things that are outside the normal scope of things that we do in our home. So in other words, I’m not going to pay my kids for things like help with unload the dishwasher and run your laundry through and let’s vacuum. I would pay them however for— Hey, can you help me unbury myself from the mess that I’ve made in the garage? Or can you help me pressure wash? Things that, that fall outside the normal scope of running a house.

So chores are good for kids. If it’s part of a routine that they get into, they learn to help you run the household. It helps them develop an awareness of the needs of people and you’re helping them see that they’re necessary to the family. It’s never been more important than it is right now to say— let’s have your kids help you around the house with chores. I’ve got a bunch of things I’ve written about this extensively over the years. I wrote about it in Becoming MomStrong. I believe in age appropriate chores for children, but just because your child is little or just because your child is bigger doesn’t mean that you make excuses for them not to be helping. I want my kids to be helping with other things that they see around them, beyond what’s happening at our house. That means that you’re teaching your children about the preciousness of other people.That starts very, very early. In fact, the University of Minnesota 20 year study found that the best predictor of adult success… wait for it… was based on if they had began doing chores at an early age. This is as young as three. It’s never too late to start. You can make it fun. There’s a great article and I’ll link back to them and quote a little bit of that today. They say: Make it fun. Kids get excited as they draw their next chore from a container of labeled popsicle sticks. It reduces anxiety of helping them to help out around the house. Then we want to give them a reward. So if you want to give your kids a little bit of screen time, that takes the guilt out of it because your kids are earning screen time. 

Can I just say right now—that would not be my favorite reward for them. I would rather have it be something that’s relational in nature. I’m going to link back to some Chore Cards for You. There are some wonderful books that I will link back to you. I love making chore charts. I think they work for a little while and then you might have a harder time. We make this wonderful Chore Chart and all you guys can download it off of my blog. I also want to say that when you do that, be prepared that what works for you in September might not work for you in January. So you gotta be prepared that it might work for a little while and then maybe your kids get bored and you’ll need to do something different. We want our kids to learn to work around the house. That should never be something that we’re questioning as parents today. 

I read an article that started started with this line: 25 year old man-child moves back home. We hear about these things in the news all the time. It says: I recently had a conversation with a friend who was complaining that his 25 year old son had recently moved back into their two bedroom condo because he had nowhere else to live. My friend, the father, said, if it was up to him, he wouldn’t let it happen. But the wife’s motherly instincts were way too strong for him to allow him to have his way and his way was to kick out the man-child out of the house. So the dad wanted to kick the kid out. The mom was like, no, I want him to come home because he’s our child.

This is a common problem. Children falling back on their parents because they can’t stand on their own two feet in the real world past 21 years of age. It’s a source of a lot of frustration for a lot of parents that I know. I’m not saying that your kids aren’t gonna have moments when they need help. We all do that. That’s understandable. Maybe they’re in college and maybe they need help for just a little bit and they move out for a while, but then it didn’t work and they move back home. So there’s a big difference between failure to launch and a little bit of a rough start.I want to just encourage you, remember what I said before, the goal is not to raise great kids. The goal is to raise kids who will become great adults.

What this means is that everything that a parent does in the process of raising a child is supposed to be done with the ultimate goal of instilling character traits, or building a foundation that’s going to inform the child’s future decisions and actions. When you see an adult that can’t cope with life’s challenges or struggles, you can pretty strongly trace it back to a lack of a foundational instruction from their parents. Things that should have been given to them and instilled in them and childhood and that are necessary to deal successfully with the challenges of adulthood. One of the things we do is we teach our kids about money, right? I read a great article on from Dave Ramsey and I will link back to that in the show notes today. According to Dave Ramsey, preparing kids to grow into young adults means teaching them about work, something that translates into lessons on responsibility. Instilling money values also teaches kids about spending, which translates into learning to use wisdom. Remember we talk about that on the podcast all the time. Knowledge isn’t what we’re after. Wisdom is what we’re after. It’s one of the reasons I love that I’ve partnered with Evangelical Christian Credit Union. I’ve been talking about this quite a bit on the podcast lately. You can find out more about them in ECCU.com/Heidi but they’ve got great programs even for your little kids that will help you not only teach your kids the value of managing their money, but also see the reward of hard work. We don’t want to raise lazy kids. One of the most common threads that runs in all adults who struggle with one form of challenge or another in life is that they’re lazy. They’re too lazy to work, they’re too lazy to finish a chore that you’ve given them, lazy with their schoolwork.

Parents, I’m telling you what, show me an adult that can’t keep a job and I’ll show you somebody who got raised without the benefit of having their parents required hard work from them. Let me give you a pretty practical example. Last week I was having a little bit of an argument with one of our kids. I’d given them a job to do, a chore around the house, and we had exchanged a privilege for an extra dose of this particular chore. The first day they did it fine, second day they did it fine. Third Day the child was starting to get upset with me. Fourth day I noticed a straight up bad attitude. By the fifth day I was like— alright, deal’s off. I made a deal with you. You and I agreed together that this was this thing, this extra thing that you’re to earn, I gave you the means and the ability by which to do it. Now you’re telling me that you no longer want to hold up your end of the bargain. So if you can’t hold up your end of the bargain, the deal’s off. 

Oh boy, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. I’ll tell you what, we came to an understanding and that understanding was— I am here to raise you into an independent teen who will become a responsible adult. In order to do that, I’m trying to equip you. One of the ways I’m equipping you is by requiring you to hold up your end of the bargain. Parents, when your kids don’t hold up their end of the bargain deals off. Deals over. You start that by training up your little kids. We started when they’re very little, we give them age appropriate chores when they’re three to four years old, remind them that they need to put the tops back on the containers that they open, that they need to flush the toilet, that they need to wipe the sinks down. I think it’s important for you to be talking to your kids about how to set the table when they’re really little. 

One of the things our kids have really loved to do over the years— I am a fan of eating dinner at home whenever we can. I love to set a beautiful table and candles and the whole nine yards. I’m the girl who used to put candles everywhere in the house. Mostly I use my diffusers around the house, but at dinner time I have candles everywhere, mostly little tea lights and I put them in containers around the house to make a beautiful table. I’ve taught my children how to do that over the years. If I put down the napkins when they’re little, then they put the forks on top and I let them follow me around the table and understand the lay of the table, and how we do it, and the concept of why I’m doing what I’m doing, and where does the water glass go, and all that.

Pretty soon, I’ve got a six or seven year old who I say— Hey, can you set the table? And my three year old who was following me around the table is now a six year old who can do it by themselves. When they’re four and five years old, you’re teaching them— hey, you guys can cut your food by yourself. Then we take it a step farther and we let them pour their drinks and things like that. Lots and lots of things that we can be doing for our children as they get older. I just want to encourage you to really praise your kids when you see that they’re following through on things that you’ve given them. If you want ideas for Chore Charts, you can find them on my website. I will link back to some fantastic ones in the show notes today.

I have written a book called tThe Busy Mom’s Guide to Daylight: How to fit your size 10 day into a size 10. It will encourage you. There are charts in there, there are ways for you to manage your day that will draw your children into the process with you. That brings me to the next point: include your children in the plans that you’re making. 

When you decide who’s doing what chores or who’s responsible, and for how long, usually I will give my kids about a four month window. When I had  seven kids at home—I’m down to three who I am actively parenting and training, and actually it’s gotten a little bit harder. With seven kids in the house, I felt like there was definitely more work to do but there’s also more of us to spread it out  among everyone. So things are a little bit different now. What I like to do is sit down with the kids and we talk about what needs to be done and we talk about the school schedules that are coming up. I have a 16 year old daughter at home who has a job and she works at my favorite consignment store and battleground—Kids Clothes. My daughter Summer is working there a couple of days a month. So on the weekends that we know she’s working, her responsibilities at the house changed a little bit, but they don’t go away. Maybe she trades with a sister, maybe we move that particular thing that she was going to do on Friday to Thursday or Monday, but we talk about it so that there is not only a clear game plan, but the expectation is clear. Can I just encourage you, mom and dad?— have the expectation be clear for your children.

We want our kids to complete the task and in order for them to do that, we they need to know what’s expected of them. When parents don’t actually ask their children to do much of anything or the expectations are not really clearly laid out, what happens is these kids don’t grow up with the sense of finishing what they start.I read an article in the New York Times and the author said: I asked 1050 parents and open ended question. What do you least like about parenting? The most common answer by far was discipline, which included enforcing chores and other responsibilities. Other answers were enforcing the rules, especially about household chores, the challenges of chores and disciplining a child and having to nag kids to do simple chores where.

Moment of silence. 

None of us likes to nag our kids about chores. It’s easier to do it ourselves and we may think our children should do chores, but we really don’t want to have to make them. When you fall down on the job right here, then you might as well not give the chore in the first place. The New York Times went on to say: yet when researchers asked parents about what qualities they care most about in fostering in their children, almost all of them would respond by saying they were deeply invested in raising, caring, ethical children. And most say they see these moral qualities like these as more important than academic or career achievements. I’ve said many times that you can raise a child that is knowledgeable, give your kid a ton of knowledge, but if you haven’t taught them wisdom, how to apply that knowledge with the heart of Jesus, then you’ve just got an arrogant kid walking around with no street knowledge.No real wisdom to back it up. Because all they’ve got is a puffed up head. 

I want to just encourage you —as you’re thinking about coming into the Christmas season, into Thanksgiving, into the fall when we settle into more of a routine. Come up with some sort of a plan for your house. Mom, you should not be wearing yourself out doing everything by yourself.  Take the time to teach your children to help you and I promise you it will come back and bless you. It really, really will. We can do better. Household chores might seem like small things, but I’m telling you what you guys, what you’re letting them do and what you’re requiring of them will come back to be a very big thing. It isn’t small at all.

Requiring your high school or to contribute to the family’s well being, and the smooth running of the household before he turns his attention to his homework conveys that you place a value his or her contribution. Sports, homework—these are not get out of chores free cards. The goal is, after all, is not to raise children that we can cuddle into the Ivy League. The goals to raise adults who can balance a caring role in their families and their communities with whatever lifetime achievement goals they choose. And chores are teaching your kids that balance. They’re not just chores, their life skills. There are some amazing articles. I will link back to them in the show notes today. Do your homework and then make a game plan. Get your kids involved in helping you around the house from toddlers all the way up to teenagers. I promise you, you will not be sorry that you did. 

Thank you Sarah for that question—it gave me a chance to talk about one of my favorite things which is get your kids off the bench and onto the battlefield of helping around the house. 

Thanks for listening everyone!

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

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