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Hey, you guys. This is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. I’m so glad you guys have joined me. Today is Wednesday, I can’t even believe it, January 8th, 2020. This is episode number 869. And today I’m going to encourage you in the direction of learning to be led. Stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.

So thanks for tuning in today. I’m excited today. I’m four days into my cruise at FPEA. I get to know a bunch of people here on the ship and encouraging people in their marriages. You guys, listen. You don’t have to go on a cruise to nurture your marriage. You don’t have to go. Don’t put your marriage on cruise control, all right? This is something that’s been on my mind lately. Jay and I have been talking a lot about what it takes to build a strong relationship. And the fact of the matter is, is just work. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of commitment. It’s a lot of forgiveness. Todd Wilson’s doing a talk here on the ship that says taking out the garbage and other sexy turn-ons. I was like, “Yeah, you right.” It’s true. The stuff that marriage is made of is not glamorous.

But, I hope you guys are really focusing because it’s January, especially. This is a great time of year for us to sort of really assess where we’re going this year and what’s important to us. And here at the podcast, we’re doing the same thing, really looking ahead to see what we want to do and where we’re going as a ministry. We hope you guys are blessed. We would love to hear from you. Speaking of the podcast, would love to hear from you. You guys can reach out to us at heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday, and you can leave your comments there and even questions. We would really love to hear from you.

Speaking of hearing from you, I’m going to be in Lakeland, Florida. I’m going to keep saying it, you guys. We’d love to see you register. Grab your women’s ministry team, grab your neighbor, your sister, your mother, and come out February 21st through 22nd to Lakeland, Florida. I will link back to the registration in the show notes today. I will be speaking there, along with my friend Elizabeth Johnston, and we’re going to help you guys get off the bench and onto the battlefield. The Bible teaches us that our faith is not a private faith. Our faith should be a faith that speaks. So, you guys are going to be so encouraged. I’ve already written six sessions for this, and I cannot wait to see what God will do through your faithfulness and just the study of the word with us. So, don’t forget your Bible. I’ll have lots of books and stuff there for you.

Also, we’ve got a brand new off the bench swag in the store. You guys need to check it out. Super awesome stuff coming. We’ve got postcards there. Lots of really cool new things in the store for you to encourage the other mothers around you to get off the bench and onto the battlefield. 

All right. Something’s been on my heart lately. And whenever I do the Wednesday podcast, it’s usually just something I’m taking from my devotion, something that God is teaching me. And the other day, I read a psalm that I thought was really good, and I wanted to share it with you. Psalm 143:10, “May your gracious spirit lead me on a firm footing.” And as I was thinking about this, I was thinking about mothers in particular. Mothers are many things, aren’t we? We’re nurturers, and chauffeurs, and cooks, and short order cooks, and first aid providers. We’re shoulders to cry on. We’re advice givers. We’re driver’s ed teachers, which is actually one of my least favorite roles, and we’re broken heart menders, another one of my least favorite roles. 

But the most important role that we play in the lives of our children is the role of teacher. And as a homeschool mom, I learned a lesson very early in my mothering journey. Where students and teachers are concerned, it’s the teacher that learns the most, right? Remember, I’m always telling you guys you can’t pass on what you don’t possess. You can’t teach what you don’t understand. And David in Psalm 143 acknowledges his need to be taught by the Lord. And he’s saying, “Teach me to do your will, for your my God. May your gracious spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” And I love David’s humility. Because I would imagine by this time in his life, David had become keenly aware of his need for guidance from the Lord. And if we’re not aware of our need for guidance, mom and dad, we’re going to struggle. 

I can think back on literally thousands of decisions, large and small, that I’ve made over 28 years of mothering, and one thing is for sure: My wisdom, my earthly, my human wisdom is not reliable. God’s wisdom, on the other hand, is reliable. And life is teaching us a lot of things, right? And some of them are hard lessons. Many of us have probably had seasons in our lives we weren’t in God’s word. So our time with God might be sporadic. I came out recently from a time like that, and it’s usually because it’s a busy season of life or there’s a time of change that’s happening, such as we welcome a new child into our family. But one of the harder lessons that I have learned, and I’m continuing to learn, is how important it is for me to seek God’s help every single day. 

And by seeking His help, you guys, I’m not, I’m not talking about a legalistic attitude, like I have to be in the Bible or God’s mad at me or I have to have my quiet time or my prayer time because it’s something I do on my list. You guys, the truth is I have discovered that I am utterly lost without the guidance of the Lord, utterly lost. And I can’t give good advice to people who come and ask me, I can’t give good counsel to my children unless I am asking the Holy Spirit to lead me. And I think human as we are, our tendency to rely on ourselves is enormous, especially if we’re not facing a giant. 

So when we face a giant … Remember, I said before, I feel like we live in this sort of state of reactive Christianity. And this is true across the board, I think in, in Christendom, in Christianity at large. I think we tend to live in a state of reactive Christianity. So when we’re doing fine, and our bills are paid, and our kids are healthy, and our marriage is good, we don’t rely on the Lord. We tend to let our quiet time slip. Our reliance on the Lord doesn’t seem so important, right? But when we get that phone call, or when we get that text message, or when we get that diagnosis, all of a sudden, our reactive Christianity kicks in and we go, “Oh my goodness. We’re facing a giant. We need the Lord.” 

So if you’re not facing a giant right now, I want to encourage you, this is the time to hunker down and prepare for the time when you will be. Because throughout scripture, God encourages us to seek Him for wisdom. So I want to encourage you, no matter what season of life you’re in right now, to seek the Lord today and every day and ask Him to lead you forward, like David did, on firm footing. And as we cry out to the Lord, He assures us that He’s listening. He says He’s longing to teach and guide us along every step of the journey that we’re on. Because the most important role we’re ever going to play in the lives of our children is to teach them what it looks like to be led by the Holy Spirit, to be taught by the Holy Spirit. 

I know some of you are listening to this and you want to be led, but you just don’t know how. Maybe you’re out of hope. Maybe you’ve asked the Lord for direction and you feel like you didn’t get it. And hope is the anticipation, isn’t it, that our needs are going to be met. David understood this also. In Psalm 39, he said, “Lord, on who do I wait?” Then he answers his own question. “My hope is in you.” And hope doesn’t come from our human ability or come from our strength. It comes from the Lord.  And God is the source of hope. Again, David notes this in Psalm 71, “For you, oh Lord, are my hope and my trust. From my youth, upon you I have leaned from my birth. You are the one who took me from my mother’s womb. My praise is continually of you.” 

And you know where else hope comes from? And this is why I’m going to go back to, kind of circle back, I guess, to encouraging you to be led by the Lord. Hope it comes from … It’s a product of walking closely with the Lord. That’s where it comes from. 

On Friday, I’m going to have my friend Patrick Schwenk on the podcast with me. Some of you guys will be familiar with his wife, Ruth, who is the founder of The Better Mom. I love Ruth. I love her heart and her passion for the Lord. The Schwenk have been through a lot recently because in 2017 Patrick was diagnosed with a blood cancer. He and I were talking about what that does to your soul. And hope comes out of times like that because we’re walking with the Lord. In John 15 verses four to five, it says, “Abide in me, and I in you.” This is Jesus talking, right? “As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine. You are the branches. He who abides in me and I in him bears much fruit. For without me, you can do nothing.” 

But then, the apostle Paul in writing to the church in Philippi, of course, in Philippians chapter four says, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” And we want to be assured. Our hope is in the Lord. Assured that He’s listening, that He’s longing to guide us, and then learning to let Him actually lead us so that we can teach our children to do the same. This is the most important thing you’ll ever do, men and women, is to learn to be led by God, be led by the Holy Spirit. 

I’m going to take a couple of minutes now and answer some questions. You guys have been great sending me questions. Please keep them coming. You can turn them into me and heidistjohn.com/podcasts. The first one comes from a military mama. She says, “Heidi, when times are hard and my husband turns away from our conversations and I have no one to turn to but the Lord, who should I talk to? There were whole years of my life when I lived in deep depression. My husband didn’t want to talk from what seemed like a blatant avoidance of his emotional responsibility, and I became sad, lonely, and bitter.” 

This question comes up a lot. There is no such thing, by the way, as a perfect marriage. But, God would have us constantly be going back to Him, letting Him lead us. We want God to lead us in our marriages. We want Him to lead us in our parenting. And I’m going to encourage you today to fight for your marriage. If you’ve got an emotionally distant spouse, usually there’s a reason for that. There’s a great article by Gary Smalley online. I’ll link back to in the show notes today. He says that when we feel threatened, we build emotional walls that don’t allow our spouse into the deepest parts of our hearts and mind. And the emotional distance can cause, and obviously it does cause, marriage problems. 

He goes on to give a great example. He says, “The East German government built the Berlin Wall in 1961, telling citizens and the world that its purpose was to protect against the invasion of fascist. Of course, the wall was really intended to stop massive immigration from East Berlin to West Berlin. And 26 years later, in a speech given near the wall, President Ronald Reagan spoke of freedom, reform, and openness, and he also spoke some memorable words, and this is what he said. ‘If you seek peace, if you seek prosperity, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” You guys remember that? I do. President Reagan did not threaten to tear down the wall, but the changes were in the works in Eastern Europe. And in 1989, the wall was open. 

And when we feel emotionally threatened in our marriage, what we tend to do is build walls, right? Not physical walls, but emotional walls, relational walls that are expressed in our body language, our words, and our attitudes. And those things are meant to help us feel safe. So the problem is that those walls don’t allow our spouse into the deepest part of our hearts and minds, and then the emotional distance causes problems. So, I’m going to encourage you. I’m going to link back to this in the show notes today. Gary goes into talking about what you might see and what you might feel, and then he’s going to walk you through the process of leaning into the Holy Spirit. He talks about honoring the walls. I mean, keep in mind, he says, “Your spouse has built a wall for a reason.” And particularly I think … 

I hear about this a lot from my friends whose husbands have been in the military. I hear a lot about things that have happened to them out on the field or experiences that they’ve had that have caused them to build walls. They feel maybe unsafe or they’re trying to keep their wife safe. So their attempt to do that, obviously not handling it the best way, but to realize that the walls are there for a reason. And we want to care about the feelings of the person behind the wall as well as the feelings, our own feelings, and our own needs. So part of that is just realizing maybe we’ve been unsafe. It’s empathizing. Maybe my husband’s building a wall because I haven’t been available to him.

Sometimes, now, nobody get mad, but sometimes that two-way street, the wife has withheld sexually from her husband because she feels like he is not relating to her. This happens all the time. He doesn’t give me the emotional need that I need to feel safe and close to him. And so because I don’t feel that safeness in that closeness emotionally with him, I can’t give him the sexual release that he’s looking for in the sexual closeness that he desires, and so this … It becomes this back and forth. And instead of focusing on the needs of the other person, we dig our heels and we focus on our own needs.

Satan’s going to attack you guys that God created marriage, right? Marriage has been under attack since it was created. He created it in Genesis chapter two. And in the very next chapter, Genesis three, verse one, Satan attacks it. There isn’t a single verse of separation before Satan goes after what God created. And you got to remember he’s the father of lies. He’s going to try to convince you that your marriage is too much work, that it’s never going to get better, that your life would be easier with somebody else. So I want to remind you of first Peter, five, eight. Peter says, “We are to be sober-minded and watchful because we have an adversary, and his name is Satan, and he’s literally prowling around for someone to devour.” And the very first place you’ll look in the culture right now is your marriage. Absolutely.

So I’m going to encourage you to trust that the Lord can heal your marriage, and that God can use it for your own good, and to get help. And it looks to me like that’s what you’re doing, and I really appreciate that you’re doing that. There are lots of great resources online, and I want to just encourage you. I’ll link back to them in the show notes today. Fight for your marriage, all right? Fight for your marriage. 

Last question I’m going to answer today, or at least try to, comes from  Angie. She says, “Thank you so much for your podcast. My husband and I had truly been blessed by it.” Thank you, Angie. She said, “I was recently at TTD in Columbus.” So, that’s been almost a year. I’ll be back again, because I love speaking for Teach Them Diligently. She said, “I heard about a comment, a comment about why Christian colleges are preferable. Living in Columbus, we always assumed that we would send our kids to OSU and stay close to home and keep attending the church we’re involved in, which has a very strong student ministry. I want to take more time now to think through the benefits of a Christian college.”

So here’s a couple of things I want to say. I’m going to go back to what I’m always saying, which is I camp out on this verse a lot. Luke 6:40, “When a student is fully trained, he’ll be like his teacher.” Just because a college says it’s a Christian college doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a Christian college. Your kids are going to come into contact with kids whose parents sent them there because they thought it would be safe, but that child is in open rebellion against the Lord. There’s a myriad of things that can go wrong, so I wouldn’t rely on just the fact that a college calls itself a Christian college. I’ve been to Christian colleges, and been to campuses, and talked to professors at universities that claim to be Christian and I left going, “Well, I do not want my kid going there,” and so at least … Part of me thinks at least when you send them to a secular university you know that you’re sending them into a secular environment and you can prepare them for that. I think sometimes we send them into a Christian college and we just think, “Oh, this’ll be fine,” and we don’t prepare them, and then they wind up in this … in secular environment that has sort of been Christianized, if that makes any sense at all. 

So that said, I’m a huge fan of Christian universities and a huge fan of Christian education as a general rule. So if I had the opportunity to choose, I would choose a Christian education and a Christian college over a secular one. But I just want to encourage you away from a place of complacency and thinking, “Well, if I just do this, then everything’s going to be fine and that’ll be the end of it.” I think that’s kind of a way for us to get lulled to sleep a little bit and sort of check out emotionally and spiritually. So I would check out your options. 

And wherever you send your kids to school, in the years that you have leading up to your kids going to school, oh my goodness, you guys, pray for them. Disciple them. Teach them. Don’t waste the opportunity that God has given you to speak into the lives of your children. Then when they go away to college, stay in contact with them and pray for them. 

And one other thing, a caveat here that you didn’t ask, but I’m going to offer this anyway. You’re welcome. I don’t think all kids need to go to college. And in fact, I’m going to take that a step further. I don’t think that most kids need to go to college. If you’re going to become a teacher, a doctor, an ultrasound technician, if you want to become a dentist, obviously there are some … an attorney. There are obviously a lot of jobs that require a four-year university degree or an eight-year. Maybe you need to get your master’s degree. But, I think we need kids in trade schools. We need to be training our kids to be entrepreneurs.

In the ’80s when I went to college, everybody said, “Well, you have to go to college,” and we didn’t even know what we were doing there. We were just going. I want to really steer you away from embracing that mentality and instead say, “Lord, what have you uniquely created my kids to do, and where can they best do that?” Some of your kids are going on to mission field. Some of them are going to ministry. Really be praying for the Lord to show you what He wants your children to do. 

Our son Spencer right now is attending Portland Bible College here in Portland, Oregon, and we really love it. He wants to go into ministry, so he’s working part time at Costco and he’s going to school. I have another son who’s training at the Paul Mitchell School of Hair Design in downtown Portland. And oh my goodness, you guys. In all honesty, I would not have picked that for him, but I am watching God do something in his life while he’s there and having the opportunity to minister in the lives of men and women who come down there. So, trust the Lord that he can work in the lives of your kids. Pray for your children, and look at all the different angles of where they’re looking to go to school to further their education and ask God to give you wisdom. The Bible says in James chapter one that if we lack it, God will give us the wisdom that we need to make right decisions. 

All right. I hope you guys have been encouraged. Don’t forget to register for Faith that Speaks. I will be all over the country with that conference, and we will be announcing more women who are going to be me out on the road, so check it out. Lakeland, Florida, that’s happening in February the 21st and 22nd. I’m telling you what’s going to be a weekend that will change your life. I can’t wait to come out and see you. Make sure that when you register you choose your t-shirt size and then get ready for a fantastic weekend. We’re going to give you a lunch, and a swag bag, and we’re going to equip you for the battlefield. We sure love you guys. Thanks for your support of the podcast and for leaving reviews for it. We read it every single one of them. Have a great day, and I’ll see you back here with my friend Patrick on Friday.

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

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Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

Don’t Miss These!

TRANSCRIPTION:

This podcast is brought to you by our friends at Evangelical Christian Credit Union.

Hey friends, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Monday, January 6th. This is episode number 868. This is Mailbox Monday, and man, we got a lot of ground to cover. You guys are turning in great questions and we’re going to get to a whole bunch of them today. Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

I hope you guys are enjoying the new year. This is one of my favorite times of the year, because it gives us an opportunity to sort of hit the reset button, start over, put all the things out on the table in front of us and lay them before the Lord. And we’re doing that at MomStrong International. The Bible Study Recalibrate kicks off today, so I just want to encourage you to join us, over at MomStrong International.

We are really excited about what God is doing there and we want to make a commitment with you, to help you get into the word of God with your kids this year. So I’ve said this before, and I’m going to say it again, you can’t give your kids what you don’t possess. We can’t pass on what we don’t possess, so if we want our children to walk in right relationship with the Lord, we need to be walking in right relationship with the Lord. If we want our children to really see the value and the benefit of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, to realize the blessing that comes from it, it has to start with us.

And so, I hope you guys will join us, MomStrong International, the Study recalibrate begins today. I also want to remind you that we have an awesome sponsor at the podcast, Evangelical Christian Credit Union, and I’m wondering if any of you decided to make financial changes for 2020? I bet you did.

So my husband and I sat down the other day, like we do at the start of every quarter really, especially in January, and we decided on some things that we want to do differently. And we always hit the financial area of our marriage. And so, if you want a fresh start for the new year, ECCU has been a friend of my podcast now, for quite a while, and they would like to help your children get a fresh start with their Young Start Account. It’s really easy to monitor activity and transfer money into your child’s account and best of all, there are no overdraft fees. And you can learn more at ECCU.org/Heidi.

I am two days into the cruise right now, that we are on, with the Florida Parent Educator’s Association. I want to remind you, I will be speaking for the FPEA conference this year, you can find out more about that by going to heidistjohn.com/events.

And also, I’m going to be in Lakeland, Florida, for Faith that Speaks, and my friend Elizabeth Johnston will be speaking with me. If you’ve never heard of Elizabeth Johnston, she runs a page called The Activist Mommy, she is a mother of 10, a passionate speaker, a passionate truth teller, and she’s going to be there, with me, for Faith that Speaks, in Lakeland, Florida.

Get your tickets, because you guys are going to want to come. Everybody who comes this year is going to get to hear, obviously Elizabeth, as well as myself. But then you’re also going to go home with a Faith that Speaks T-shirt, a swag bag, we’re going to give you lunch, we’re going to encourage you to walk with God, in a culture that has really strayed from the truth of God’s word, so come on out to Faith that Speaks, in Lakeland, Florida, February 21st and 22nd.

It really encourages me to see the questions that are coming in and to see you guys really pondering what God would have you do. So I’m going to answer a bunch of questions, I’m going to get to as many as I can today. And I want to encourage those of you, who’ve never turned a question in, the way to do it is to go to heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday and I answer questions for the whole show on Monday and I try to answer at least one on Wednesdays, and then on Fridays typically we have a guest here at the show.

But I want to encourage you. There’s no topic that’s off limits. I think that Christians should be engaged in the culture, so we need to be talking about education, we need to be talking about entertainment, we need to be talking about politics. And we can disagree. And we need to continue to have the conversation, and then come before the Lord and say, “Lord, what do you want me to do?”

So the first question on the show today, comes from a mom named Amanda. And she said, “Heidi, how do you show support for family members, who do not feel able to homeschool, but also feel hopeless sending kids to public school and cannot afford a Christian school?” She says, “My in-laws have permanent custody of several of their grandchildren. And while they homeschooled their own children, they now feel they have reached retirement age and are also caring for their own elderly parents. They are maxed out physically, and emotionally, and financially. And Christian school doesn’t seem like a possibility, because of finances and distance from home. My mother-in-law sees the moral decline happening in the public school system and is weary of the constant battle to instill Godly values in her grandchildren, while the world wages war against them seven hours a day. I am homeschooling my three young children on my own, and don’t live close enough to offer help. How can I encourage and support her?”

All right, Amanda, I love your heart for your mother-in-law, what a blessing that they have, in having you in their family. And the first thing that I’m going to tell you is what you already know, but I feel the need to say it again, there is power in prayer. There is power in prayer, there is power in coming before the Lord. God knows the circumstances that are surrounding your family and he is saying, “Do not be afraid. Don’t be afraid.” If I was in your position, the first thing I’d be doing is asking your mother-in-law, how much support is she getting from her local church? It’s amazing, I can only imagine the circumstances that have led to her needing to take these children into her home, because obviously this was not the way that it was supposed to be.

And so, whenever we bind ourselves in situations like that, we come back to God’s word, and we realize that God has answers for us. God has an answer for your mother-in-law and an answer for them, as they are shepherding these children, which really they weren’t supposed to do. This isn’t the way it was supposed to be, and yet God says, “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.”

I would be very interested, and this is just something to throw out there, something to think about, I don’t know where you guys live, or what part of the company that you’re in, but there are lots of options now, and opportunities, for kids to be educated online. And so there are many, many more options, and many, many more opportunities now, than there were even a few years ago, for children whose parents cannot afford Christian school and they don’t feel like they can take on the full burden of homeschooling. And so, I would be looking at that for her.

There are lots of free websites, lots of ideas, for parents who are in your mother-in-law’s situation. Believe it, or not, I get questions like yours quite a bit at the podcast and it seems that there are a lot of parents and grandparents that are in your mother-in-law’s situation right now, so I’d let her know she’s not alone.

Check out James Dobson’s Family Talk, has been addressing this issue. And I would just encourage you to come alongside her and keep encouraging her to be involved in the public school, where her children are at. So if she can’t take them out, if she has no other option, and I realize that that’s the case for people, on occasion, that they absolutely have no other option, then you have no option other than to be involved in your child’s public school.

One of the reasons why we took our kids out was because I realized that I don’t have the time to go to the public school with them. So if it was happening in my kid’s lives, and I had to have them in public school, I’d be inclined to be down there saying, “Hey, my name’s Heidi, I brought my own seat, I’ll be here all day with my little folding chair. I’m just going to be going to class with my kid. If you guys need anything, let me know? I can do bulletin boards.” But we’ve got to be in there, because one of the insidious things that’s happening in the public schools are the schools are teaching, especially social engineering, homosexuality, transgenderism, socialism, all kinds of ideas being taught to students, they go home and they don’t tell their parents, or in this case their grandparents, and then the parents are not aware and these ideas take root.

So whether your kids are in Christian school, or whether they’re in public school, if you are a parent right now, you have no choice, or in this case a grandparent, who is parenting, you have no choice, but to engage, engage, engage. And I’m going to be praying for your mother-in-law, because I know she’s got her work cut out for her, I also know that the Lord is going to honor her.

The next question comes for a mom who says, “Heidi, I need to know how to manage all the things. When you’re pregnant and you have young children and your partner doesn’t pitch in much. This question is actually coming to you from two moms, in the same situation. She is expecting her sixth baby, early next year, and I have had my seventh, last May. She says her house is always a mess, and mine is, too. And she and I are both angered by the mess. We repeatedly ask the children to complete their chores and tidy up after themselves, to no avail. One, or two, of the children will do the work and the others always avoid it. Sometimes it seems like those one, or two, are doing the work for everyone. I step away from the family, during a chore time, to nurse the baby for a nap, while my friend suffers from a lack of energy to always be around monitoring the children’s progress. I just want it to be neat and tidy, and the mess angers me. And they go off to play and expect me to be the maid. I can’t keep up anymore, and I’m tired of talking, it’s not so much defiance, as it is laziness and childish foolishness. Both families teach Biblical values at home, attend church regularly, pray together, and so on.”

So, this is a great question. And it’s a question I get quite a bit, from moms who are just sort of worn out. And scripture has nothing good to say about laziness. So I’m going to just start you right there, because it sounds like… And honestly, when our kids are lazy, part of it is because we are tired. When we’re tired, our kids get lazy. In Proverbs Chapter 10, Verse 4, the Bible says, “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” Proverbs 12:24, “Work hard and become a leader. Be lazy and become a slave,” or a socialist. Proverbs 20, Verse 4, “Those too lazy to plow in the right season, will have no food in the harvest.” And Proverbs 19:15, ” Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless go hungry.”

And the Bible commands us to work hard and to not be lazy. This is one of my arguments against socialism, because the Bible has a lot to say about the individual and the individual’s responsibility. And I know what you mean about having kids at home, where it feels like a couple of the kids do most of the work, and the other ones avoid it. I think that’s true in every family dynamic, and it’s very easy for the mom to rely on those kids who are so good at helping, and let the other ones become lazy, and really they become entitled. When they realize that their other siblings are doing the work for them.

And so, we want to be encouraging our children away from that. And to be getting alongside our children and saying, “Nope, this isn’t going to happen anymore.” And I would encourage you to really be implementing consequences for laziness. So at our home, there was a season, and it’s been a long time now, but when I was raising seven children, and the house was full, and super busy, and I’m nursing a baby, and got teenagers, and the whole thing, I noticed a pattern happening with our children, and we decided, my husband and I, to basically pare our house down to the essentials. So if they couldn’t clean up their toys, they lost their toys.

And so, I know it sounds harsh, I know, nobody write me. I actually still feel really good about my decision. And it was a long time ago, but we took most of their toys and put them in a box, and put the box in the garage. And that garage box stayed there for almost six months, until I recognized that my children were beginning to clean up after themselves, because I wasn’t their maid. And so, the same thing was true in the kitchen, if they can’t clean up the kitchen, then I’m not going to let you have toys. If you can’t clean up after yourselves, or be responsible for certain parts of the home, then it’s going to affect you in other areas of your life.

God honors responsibility. And we want to teach our children to be responsible. Why? Because everything we do is for the glory of God, right? 1st Corinthians 10:31. So whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. The Bible teaches us that the care of homes and the care of our families is something that God values. God values it when we do that, so we want to be very, very careful to teach our children, and we model that.

So mom, if you’re always grumpy and angry, because you’re kids aren’t doing the work that they’re doing, a lot of times we’re bringing it on ourselves. And so, the Bible says in Proverbs 31:27, “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 14, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.”

I think it’s important for us to stay faithful, even when we’re tired, even when we’re weary, right? The Bible says, “Don’t grow weary in well doing,” because at the appropriate time, you will reap a reward if you don’t give up. I want to encourage you away from a place of feeling like you have no other options and your children, this is just how it is, because I don’t think that, that’s true. And I don’t think that, that’s God’s heart for you. So I’d be rewarding them for hard work, I’d be implementing consequences when they don’t get their work done. And you know what? In the short run, Mom, that’s going to make more work for you, but in the long run it’s going to produce a blessing. And the Bible calls that blessing The Peaceful Fruit of Righteousness. So keep that in mind, and keep your hands to the plow, it’s so important.

Next relationship comes from a mom, who wishes to remain anonymous, she says, “Heidi, what do you do with toxic relationships in your life? My mother has lived her entire life, and mine, in a state of victim mentality and manipulative relationships, and I am hanging on by a thread with her. She raised us in church and hides it all under the guys of Christ and how we should honor and respect her, however her remarks, digs, and refusal to see the chaos she has caused is becoming too much to bear. If I walked away tomorrow and didn’t talk to her again, I’m ashamed to say, I would be okay with it.”

Okay, so you’re not alone. There are a lot of us that grew up with abusive relationships that went into our adulthood. I was the same way. My parents struggled in their marriage, my father was abusive, and I think that as we begin to grow up, we start seeing things differently, and then somehow, for whatever reason, we end up staying in those relationships with that toxic person. And we believe that somehow that’s what God would want us to do, but I don’t think that that’s true, at all. What would happen if we stayed in relationships that were liabilities in our lives and not assets. So if you’re going to develop a healthy relationship, the truth is, you’ve got to cut off the unhealthy ones that you have developed.

And so, this is hard. And I’m not going to sit here and say, “Well, this is really easy, just don’t talk to your mom for a long time.” No, it’s very, very difficult, but God will help you. And I think that once we realize that God is for us and he does not desire you to be a doormat, particularly not when it comes to relationships with your parents, or anybody else in your life. That’s all right, you don’t have to be ashamed. Isaiah 43, verse 1, says, “Listen to the Lord who created you.” The one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine.”

And I think as children of parents who have been abusive, sometimes we feel this sense of shame and a sense of guilt. We wonder, “If only I did this, maybe my mom wouldn’t be angry, or sad. If only I had done this, maybe my dad wouldn’t have done this.” And ultimately, you need to remember that God says that you are his. And he loves you unconditionally. And he loves your mom unconditionally. You’re not responsible to fix what’s wrong with your mom, God is responsible for our mothers, God is responsible for our families, not us.

And there was a time, a season in my life, when my husband decided to totally cut off communication with one of my parents, and it was very difficult for me. And I had to grieve that loss in my life, but you know what came out of that season of silence? And it was actually several years. Healing came out of that. And I learned, that even if my mother and my father abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. This is a promise out of Psalm 27. And you sound to me like you’re at a point, where you need to sever that relationship for a time, so that you can start living in a healthier relationship. And I think more important than ever, is to recognize that your kids are watching you. And if they see you living in an abusive relationship, if they see you putting up with it, I’m telling you what, they will also struggle with it their adult lives. Your children need to know that they can be free. They can be free, and they can make choices that are healthy for themselves. And they learn that by watching you.

And the last thing I would encourage you to do is to recognize you can forgive somebody, without being reconciled with them. I’m going to say that again, because that’s hard for some of you. You can forgive someone, without being reconciled. You can forgive someone, without being pulled back into the drama, and pulled back into the relationship. Forgiveness does not mean that you grant trust automatically, or that you’re automatically restored. Forgiveness is really the beginning of healing. We forgive because Christ asks us to forgive, but we also need to establish boundaries. So we can keep forgiving our mom, or forgiving our dad, even if reconciliation might not be possible, until other changes are made. And I think a lot of times that means that we have to step away.

And you guys, there’s a season, all right? There’s a season the Bible teaches us for everything. And for me, there was a season in which I had to step away from the relationships that were hurting me, partly because my husband could see that what was happening was, I was going to take a generational sin and pass it on to the next generation, which was the last thing that I wanted to do. And so, I just want to encourage you, there is freedom, hang in there, all right? Hang in there.

I’ve got one more question about a mother who seems to be an abusive mother-in-law. So we’ve all seen relationships like this, this is not my family, I actually have a fantastic mother-in-law, for which I am very, very grateful. But this girl says that her mother-in-law still sees her son as her little boy, and she’s obsessed with her son. He was her only child born out of multiple miscarriages and her son is soft natured and he stands to the side. And the wife in the situation, is feeling very wounded and very hurt.

Now this is a pretty common thing. And there’s a great article at Focus on the Family, and I link back to it in the show notes today, it’s called, Seven things to remember when your in-laws can’t let go. And they give you some suggestions, if you’re caught in the conflict, between a parent who wants to be involved in the marriage, and not just involved with their adult children and seeing them as married.

And point number 1 is, a healthy marriage has two independent adults, who have left their parents. I’m going to say that again. A healthy marriage consists of two independent adults, who have left their parents. Right? This comes straight out of Genesis 2:24, it says, “Therefore a man should leave his father and his mother, and hold fast to his wife, and the two should become one flesh.”

Two, the marriage always comes first. The marriage relationship always comes first. And if you have a husband, or a wife, that would prefer to be with their parents, rather than the spouse, there are probably some issues that are happening, that go well beyond what you can deal with, outside of counseling. Outside of counseling, all right? I always tell my moms, marriage comes before mothering, and people don’t like it when I say that, but that’s true. And it’s the truth, when your parents are trying to parent you and you are an adult.

Three, we are only responsible for our own responses. I loved what they said here, this might seem obvious, but in a moment of conflict, it can be difficult to remember what we’re responsible for. Gregory explains that when we face an issue with our in-laws, there are two ways of dealing with it, reactive and responsive.

So reactive is when you immediately respond with fear, and panic, and anger. So maybe your mother-in-law subtly, or not subtly, tells you you’re doing it wrong, or she’s hogging your husbands time and she doesn’t care. And you immediately respond, right? With fear, or panic, or anger.

Responsive is when you take a moment, consider the implications of what you’re about to say, and respond with grace. And you might say to your spouse, “This isn’t working for us, we need a new plan.” And then come together to figure out what works for both of you.

So this is a great article, super great, I’m going to link back to it. They also say, “Boundaries are necessary for healthy living. Don’t let ideal expectations make you forget real people.” Hello, like, “This year Christmas will be perfect.” Right? We want to be careful of our expectations. All right.

And then ultimately we remember that we need the wisdom and grace that comes from God. Colossians, Chapter 3, verses 8 and then 12 and 13, says, “But now, you must put them all away, anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, Holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, just as the Lord has forgiven you.”

So also, you must forgive. And I know it can be difficult to respond with love and grace, and that’s why prayer is such a gift. And we need to pray for the attitude that Christ Jesus would have and then trust him, that he is going to finish the work. Not just in you, not just in your husband, but also in your in-laws, and the lives of your children, because they are watching.

I want to thank you guys for listening today. I’ve got a couple more questions and I can’t get to them today, so I’ll try to address a couple of them on Wednesday. Keep your questions coming, you can submit them at heidistjohn.com/events. Don’t forget to register for the Lakeland, Florida, Faith that Speaks conference. That’s happening February 21st and 22nd, we’re going to have a great time out there, with my Women’s Ministries team and my family. I’m telling you what, it will be a day and a half that will change your life. Thanks for listening everybody, and I will see you back here, on Wednesday.

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

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Submit your questions to MailBox Monday.

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TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody. This is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast, you guys. Happy New Year, we’re almost there. Today is Monday, December 30th. This is episode number 864. Oh my goodness. It’s mailbox Monday and we’ve got a lot of ground to cover. Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged. 

So I hope you guys had a fantastic Christmas. I had a good Christmas with my family. Oh my goodness. Jay and I have done so much entertaining over the holidays this year, and the other day, I think, I don’t even think I got out of bed. I’m not even kidding. I was so tired, I woke up and I just was like, what day is it? It’s like Christmas falls on a Wednesday and then Friday makes no sense and Thursday feels like it should be Sunday, and I’m in this sort of weird vortex. And so basically I just took a break and then I got up, did some dishes, sat on the couch for a little while, tried to find my equilibrium, and I have a feeling that I’m not alone. So moment of silence for all you mamas who are just trying to figure it out.

All right you guys, quick couple things. I want to say thanks to everybody who has sent us Christmas cards this season and participated in our Christmas card Palooza. We are really going to work hard to send y’all a little something in the mail from us, so look for that. It’s going to take a little while, because we literally got hundreds and hundreds of them from all across the United States and even around the world, and it has been such a joy for me to read your letters and see pictures of your families, and it’s been really fun for everyone at Firmly Planted Family to see our mailbox literally stuffed with cards every single day. So thank you so much for doing that. Keep them coming. We love to hear from you, and if you are able, and can participate in a year end donation to Firmly Planted Family, those donations really assist the ministry here. And so we would love to hear from you and we would love it if you would prayerfully consider a donation to Firmly Planted Family to end the year 2019. And I will give the address to Firmly Planted at the end of this podcast and also you can find it in the show notes.

Also want to say we are excited for a brand new study, so starting on Monday, January the 6th … Remember, our Bible studies for MomStronger International always start on the first Monday of the month, and we’re changing it up a little bit. We’re changing the format to a format that I think is going to be really helpful for you as you sort of look at getting into God’s Word on the regular, on a regular basis to get into the Bible with me. And so I want to encourage you, this is a fantastic time of year to say, you know what, Lord, I’m going to make a promise to you this year and I’m going to be in Your Word. I’m going to study to show myself an approved workman who does not need to be ashamed and who can handle God’s word.

And so that’s the goal at MomStrong International is to train you up so that you know God’s Word so that when the things that are in the culture come at us fast and furious, like they have been doing, we’re not stumped. We’re not sitting around going, golly, I just don’t know. Because you guys, God’s word is not silent on the issues that we are facing. I think we sometimes think that he is. And sometimes we have some sort of wildly preachers and crazy politicians who like to quote scripture and take it out of context. And the only way for us to be able to combat that is to actually study the word. And so in January we’re doing a study called recalibrate, and it’s an opportunity for us to hit the reset button, to say, “Lord, we want to be all in. We’re going to get off the bench and onto the battlefield. We want to be who you say we are.” And that always starts with coming before the Lord and just saying, “Lord, we need your help. We need your help.”

And I am so excited, because we finished up that study … It’s been crazy for us here at the podcast and over at MomStrong International and Firmly Planted Family, and my daughter, who does all of the graphic design for the MomStrong International Bible study is in Italy right now. And so we’ve been, nine hours apart. She’s getting ready for bed, I’m getting up in the morning. We’ve been trying to get that working and we’re just excited to see, even when our team is spread across the world, how God’s been able to bring this study together. So if motherhood has ever made you feel aware of your own insecurity, if it’s highlighted your inability rather than the ability you have because of Christ, if you guys have ever felt the sting of wondering if you make the right choice as a shepherd and as the person who trains up your children, you’re not alone, because I believe with all my heart, and this is why I wrote Becoming MomStrong, that the culture is feeding mothers failure and fear for breakfast, right?

Because as soon as we open up our phones, the bombardment begins. It seems there’s always healthier moms, busier mama’s, smarter women, brighter children, cleaner kitchens, larger homes, loftier goals, greater achievements, and I’m going to encourage you in the month of January to take a step back and ask yourself if the pressure that you’re feeling comes from the Lord or if it comes from you. And in the midst of everything that we do as mothers and as parents, I’m going to encourage you guys to remember that you are loved and that it’s always a good idea to reflect on how we’re doing in light of what God wants for us.

So that’s what we’re going to do for the month of January. We’re going to ask the Lord to shift our focus and help us recalibrate and reorient all the while moving forward and getting off the bench and onto the battlefield. We’re going to spend January studying a daughter of God, whose name was Naomi, and see how God mightily spoke into her disorientation and pain and he spoke with provision and he spoke with love. My heart is with you guys. I’m going to encourage you to take a moment and reflect and allow God to direct you and direct your steps, and as he leads us, we can better lead our own children. That study’s a great time to become a member of MomStrong International. It’s just $8 a month. It helps our ministry stay on the air, it helps me do what I do, and I hope you guys are blessed and encouraged, so MomStrongInternational.com, hop on there right now and become a member and get in there so you can start the January scripture writing with us which starts on January 1st. Now, as always, the January scripture writing challenge is free and that’s available starting probably tomorrow. It might even be up there right now and you can find that at MomStrongInternational.com.

Also want to let you know that Faith That Speaks, my women’s conference, is coming to Lakeland, Florida, February 21st through 22nd. We are waiting until January to announce the women who are going to be traveling with me this year. I think you guys are going to be blown away by the women that are going to be joining me out on the road this year to talk to you about how our faith should speak. You guys, our faith in Jesus Christ is not a quiet faith. It’s not a silent faith. God didn’t mean for us to hide our light under a bushel. He meant for us to shine brightly. Wherever he has us, our face should speak. It should speak with authority and confidence and humility and love and grace, and that’s what we’re going to do at my women’s conference this year.

I can’t wait for you guys to hear the lineup. You’ll hear it at the end of this week, so stay tuned for that awesome announcement. I cannot wait to make it for you and then mark your calendars, the very first one is in Lakeland, Florida, February 21st through 22nd. You’re going to want to plan to come out and spend that day and a half with us. I’m telling you what you guys, it’s going to be a day and a half that will change your life and help you to reorient yourselves to find God’s purpose for your life. Today is MailNox Monday and I have spent the last hour and a half looking through your questions and you guys are awesome. You always send me the most amazing questions. I want to thank you for continuing to do that. If you would like to submit your question, please submit it to me at heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday. And I’m just going to get right to it.

Also, I’m not going to get right to it. I lied. I want to say really quickly, when you submit your questions, it really helps me if the very first three words of your questions sum it right up. You guys have been doing that more and more and that helps me get through those questions. There are hundreds of them in the queue and when I can see what the subject is, then we can choose which ones we’re going to answer when a whole lot faster. So thanks for doing that. And my heart, when we talk about your questions on Mondays and Wednesdays, is to really send you back the word of God and to encourage you toward a posture of prayer. And that’s what we’re going to do today as well. The first question comes from a sweet mama who did not leave me her name, but she has a question about fear in parenting.

And I thought January is a great time to address a question like this, because I don’t know of a mother alive who has not felt the grip of fear in her parenting. Some of us have lost babies to miscarriage, some of us have been involved in terrible situations where either our children have become ill or we’ve dealt with an unfaithful family member, and so our lives can tend to be racked with fear if we’re not listening to and following the Lord, and that’s what we want to be doing, is just following the Lord and obeying his word. And so that’s where I’m going to turn your heart and your attention this morning as I read this question. She says, “Hi Heidi. Several years ago, our car was hit by a drunk driver while we were stranded off to the side of the road. I was outside the car when it happened and had the unique and terrifying position of seeing it happen while my kids were in the car.”

Boy, that’s, I can’t even imagine. “We all survived, but the struggle to overcome debilitating fear on the road took some time to overcome. And now I’m faced with a new challenge, in trusting my teens on the road.” Moment of silence. I feel you and I didn’t have this in front of me and it’s still hard. “My oldest is 16 and eager to drive, but I am dragging my feet, because I am so scared. Petrified, really. We live in a busy city with heavy traffic and inattentive drivers. What is the secret to trusting God during the learning to drive stage? How does anyone do this?” So, this is a fantastic question, and I want to just take you, obviously I’m going to take you to God’s word, because we all struggle with this and what you’re talking about is trust, right?

And so when we talk about trust, we define that as confidence or belief or assurance, and they’re placed in the intentions and the integrity of another person. Now, in our case, that integrity and intention is placed in the promises of God. And my grandmother used to say to me, Heidi, you either trust God or you don’t. You either believe he’s true or you don’t. You either say, “Lord, I believe that your word is true.” The Bible says that our days have been ordained for us. So before any of us takes a single breath, the Lord of heaven’s armies looks down and says, “Heidi St. John, you’re going to be on this planet from 1970 til whenever.” I don’t know when that is, right? Most of us don’t know. But God says that our days have already been ordained for us. And a really wonderful friend of mine told me one time when I was facing a very fearful situation as a speaker, she said, “Heidi, I’m not going to let you speak fear over your life, because you need to get out there and do what God told you to do and stop demonstrating that you believe the enemy has any authority.”

And I was like, “Okay, yeah, you right”, right? And so it really comes down to trust. And the Psalmist David, in Psalm 20:7 reminds us of where our trust should be and where we boast. He said, “Some might trust in horses and some might boast in chariots, but we don’t. We trust, we boast in the name of the Lord our God.” So this goes back to all aspects of life, precious mom, listen to me. We can say we trust in homeschooling, but we shouldn’t. Our faith should never be in homeschooling, right? Homeschooling, I believe, hands down the best way to educate kids in the culture today, but it’s not going to save them. It’s not going to keep them from walking away from the Lord, it’s not going to keep them from engaging in activities that are displeasing to the Lord and even dishonoring. The only thing that does that is growing, breathing, living relationship with Jesus.

And your kids don’t get that through osmosis. They get that by coming to the saving knowledge of Jesus for themselves, and you are the first person to show them how to do that. And mom, even though you’re afraid, and you have good reason to be afraid as your child steps out into this new venture of driving, your child is going to learn a lot about how to trust the Lord by watching how your trust in the Lord right now. “Some might boast in horses and chariots, but we don’t. We trust in the name of the Lord.” And we say, “Lord, we trust you. We’re going to trust you with our kids. We trust the Lord with our kids every single day.” Four of my kids now are grown and out on their own, doing their own thing, and I’ll tell you what is a new level of trust, when my daughter went into labor and they discovered at eight centimeters that her baby was breached and she had to have an emergency C-section, new level of trust.

Our lives don’t belong to us. They belong to the Lord, and I want to encourage you to trust the Lord. When Jesus was comforting his disciples, in John 14:1, this is what he said, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.” In other words, don’t sit here and let fear rule you. He goes on to say, “You believe in God? So believe also in me,” right? And it goes on to tell him about heaven and how wonderful it is, but I love how he starts us off, because he says, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled.” Jesus knew the struggles that we were going to face and His answer was always “trust in me.”

“Trust me. I am trustworthy.” You can trust me. And so I want to encourage you to a place of trusting the Lord today, because that’s what God would have you do. He would have you trust the Lord. The next question comes from another listener who asked to remain anonymous and she says, “Hi Heidi. We are struggling with my brother-in-law and his wife and their progressive beliefs. They love Jesus, but we disagree on so many issues, from homosexuality to abortion to gun control, the list goes on and on. We are conservative and they are liberal progressive Christians.” And so she goes on to say her approach is to disengage, but her husband doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to allow them to lie. And so she’s saying, “How do you communicate with them in love without constantly getting into disagreements and yet sticking to the truth?”

All right, this question, this question is on the hearts of so many of us right now as we are trying to figure out how we navigate this crazy season that we’re living in. How do we navigate this crazy season that we’re living in? We just got done talking about trusting in God, right? And remember that the secret of learning to trust in God is remembering that we’re not putting our trust in somebody that we don’t know. We’re putting our trust in someone that we do know, right? And we either say we trust you or we can say, why should I? And when someone says to me that they’re a Christian and they believe that abortion is right and they think that women should be able to choose, my question is, do you believe the Bible or don’t you, because God is very, very clear on the taking of innocent life.

This is at the top of the 10 commandments. You shall not commit murder. And yet that’s exactly what we do every time we say in the name of choice, that someone can take the life of another human being, an innocent human being. It’s a tragedy. I found a website, I’m not even going to list it for you, because I was so irritated, I couldn’t even believe it. They’re talking about the Christian left and how could I be a liberal and a Christian? And they’re saying you probably been ostracized by other churches and “conservative Christian friends”, you probably even doubted your own viewpoint. And then they go on to say, you’re in the right place. We believe the word of God. We believe in God. And then they failed to use scripture to backup anything that they stand for.

I mean, they use it for, like blah, blah, blah, blah, “Thou shalt not judge.” Blah, blah, blah, blah, “Eye for an eye.” Blah, blah, blah, blah, “The town didn’t receive Jesus,” and they use that as a place to say, “We are being rejected and Jesus was rejected and we’re being rejected by the church.” And I’m just like, oh my goodness, I can’t even do it. You guys, if we’re going to be believers, our hearts should break what breaks God’s heart. And I’ve noticed that as the primaries are getting closer and closer, a lot of people on the progressive left are suddenly getting religion. And so while I would say, we have people in our family, just like you do, I would say don’t get into an argument. I don’t think there’s any reason to get into an argument with people.

But I would say we have to speak the truth. We have to. We got to stick to policy and stop talking about personality. To me, this is about policy, and I would encourage you that direction. I’m going to take one more question and then I’m going to have to end it for today. So Jennifer said, “Heidi, do you think it’s fiscally possible to live life without supporting companies that support all the LGBTQYZ1234 organizations like Kellogg’s, General Mills, Coke, Target, Sears, et cetera.” Okay, so Jennifer, my answer is no. I don’t think we can avoid it, but I’m trying. I really am trying. When somebody comes out and they say, “Your daughter is not safe in our bathrooms,” like Target, I have not been to Target since they made that, whatever it was, proclamation several years ago. Well, that’s not true. I have been to Target a couple of times if I’m in a pinch and there’s no other options, I’ll run into Target and it pains me, because I really like their stuff. But I have a very hard time supporting an organization that comes out and just says, “I’m so sorry that your eight year old daughter feels unsafe in our bathrooms. Too bad.” I can’t do that.

Now, I get that General Mills and Coke and all those guys, Nordstrom, oh my goodness, I get that they have an LGBT arm of their organizations and of their businesses, but I’ll tell you what we have done. I don’t shop at target anymore and I am …. We canceled, my husband did, which was a big deal for him, he actually wrote to Netflix and he canceled our account, which I think we’ve had for, what? 13 years or something crazy like that. And when they started depicting Jesus going to visit people on Christmas with his gay lover, we were like, that’s it. They would never do that to Muhammad. Could you guys imagine? But it’s open season on Christians and it’s open season on what Christians believe, and if I can help it, I won’t give my money to organizations who blatantly mock the Lord Jesus and who blatantly would put my daughter in danger, in harm’s way. That’s where I draw the line. And it may come down to the point where, because really you guys, we can’t … We’re not going to be able to just withdraw from everything, right?

But we can definitely choose where we spend our money to the best of our ability. And I think we spend … We should be at least spending a whole lot of time praying about this stuff, and being the people that God wants us to be, because we need to be salt and light. We need to have … Our faith should speak, and there are lots of ways for it to speak. And in this case, if, at least for me, it’s, I’m speaking with my pocket book. You don’t have to be a jerk, and I would just say, please don’t do that. But when you talk about family members who claim to be Christians, this was the same question that we answered right a couple of weeks ago from the mom who said, “Hey, my brother says that he’s a Christian, but he’s openly living in sin. Now, he’s married to a man. What should I do?”

Well, the Bible says in Corinthians that if a man, if somebody is a brother claims to be a Christian is living among you and he’s living in sexual morality or he’s openly sinning and doing what God says is wrong, the Bible says don’t even eat with such a man. That’s hardcore. And yet the Bible recognizes the bad company corrupts good character, right? And so I think we’re going to be … We’re going to see this happen more and more in the future. By the way, that was 1 Corinthians 5:11, because I know somebody’s going to write asking. And this is basically saying, we’re not to be … As Christians, we should be holding each other to a standard that says we believe what God’s word says, and that is the end of it.

God said it, I believe it, and that settles it. And so we want to be a set apart people. And so while we can’t hold people that aren’t Christians to that same standard, and in fact I … We shouldn’t be doing that. I’m hoping, we’re engaged in the culture and hopefully making a difference in the lives of those people around us. As Christians, we need to live a set apart life and that’s what bothers me so much when I get questions from people who say, “My family members claim to be Christians but they’re pro homosexual, pro abortion,” The Bible says that you’ll know them by their fruit and you guys, I’m telling you what, I have serious questions about somebody’s faith when they tell me that they believe in Jesus, but they don’t believe that basically anything that Jesus said, anything that the Bible teaches, and we need to be really looking inward first and then saying, Lord, help me to live a set apart life, because that’s what is required.

That is what is required. I realize I’ve gone over today. It’s just been such a long time since I’ve talked to you guys, and I’m getting questions stacking up so I’m trying to answer them as quick as I can. I really appreciate you guys listening. On Friday, I’ve got a very special guest, John Gottry is going to be on the show with me and you guys are going to be so encouraged by John. I had a great conversation with him. He is currently … He’s an amazing guy. He’s the vice president of public policy at the Dr. James Dobson Family Institute and we had an awesome conversation about where the faith and the culture intersect, one of my favorite things to talk about, so come on Friday. You guys are going to love that. And on Wednesday, I’ll be back answering some more of your questions and encouraging you from the word of God. I appreciate you guys listening today. Don’t forget, in just a couple of days, the new scripture writing challenge starts. Hop on over to MomStrong International and download it today. Have a great day everybody. Thanks for listening and I will see you back here on Wednesday. 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

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Hey everybody, Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas everybody. I hope you’re having a great morning with your family. I hope you guys are being blessed and encouraged. Today, I’m going to do something a little bit different, because after all it is Christmas. We’re going to focus on why we really need the miracle of Christmas. Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right you guys, so today’s a really special day. I think this might be the first time in seven years of doing this podcast, that I have had a podcast ready for you on Christmas day. And I’m going to just spend a little bit of time just encouraging you about why we really need Christmas. And Max Lucado wrote something that I thought was really encouraging, and he said,

“Do we really need another Christmas? We sing the same songs, put up the same tree, and we shop for the same socks and sweaters every year. Is the message of peace on earth, goodwill toward men, still relevant? Still possible? Consider the story behind Christmas. Hollywood would recast Christmas. Joseph’s collar is way too blue. Mary is green from inexperience. The couple’s star power just doesn’t match the bill. Too obscure. Too simple. The story warrants some headliners. A square-jawed Joseph. Someone of the Clooney vintage. And Mary needs a beauty mark and glistening teeth. Angelina Jolie-ish. And what about the shepherds? Do they sing? If so, perhaps Bono and U2? Do we really need another Christmas? Yes, we sing the same songs, put up the same trees, shop for the same socks and sweaters every year. Is the message of peace on earth, goodwill toward men still relevant? Still possible?

Hollywood would recast the story. A civilized person would sanitize it. No person, however poor, should be born in a cow stall. Hay on the floor. Animals on the hay. Don’t place the baby in a feed trough; the donkey’s nose has been there. Don’t wrap your newborn in rags. They smell like sheep. Speaking of smells, watch where you step. The good public relations firm would move the birth to a big city. See what Roman palaces they might rent, what Greek villas they could lease. The Son of God deserves a Royal entry. Less peasant, more pizazz. Out with the heads of sheep, in with the heads of state. Shouldn’t we ticker tape this event? Maybe throw in a little Trump Tower escalator entrance.

But we didn’t design the hour. God did. And God was content to enter the world in the presence of sleepy sheep and a wide-eyed carpenter. No spotlights, just candlelight, No crowns, just cows chewing cud. God made so little of His Son’s coming. No hoopla at His birth. Is this a mistake? Or is this the message? Perhaps our world, and your life, resembles a Bethlehem stable. Crude in some spots, smelly in others. Not much glamor. Not always neat. People in your circle remind you of stable animals: grazing like sheep, stubborn little donkeys, and that cow in the corner, looks a lot like the fellow next door.

The moment Mary touched God’s face is the moment God made His case: there is no place he will not go. If he is willing to be born in a barnyard, then expect him to be at work anywhere; bars, bedrooms, boardrooms, and brothels. No place is too common. No person is too hardened. No distance is too far. There is no person He cannot reach. There is no limit to his love. When Christ was born, so was our hope. Actually, I think we need Christmas more than ever this year. We could use a season that is dedicated to giving, not receiving; to caring, not critiquing. Put away our differences. Put up the Christmas tree. Take comfort in the familiar story and the ancient carols. Our world, like that of Bethlehem, is difficult and crowded. 

Our days can feel as cold and uncertain as that midnight manger. Yet in the midst of it all, let’s do what Mary did. Let’s invite the source of peace to enter our world. Let’s find hope, once more, in the infant King. God became one of us so we could become one with Him. That’s the promise of Bethlehem.”

That was written by Max Lucado. I will link back to the complete article in the show notes today. But I’m not going to keep you guys long today. I’ve got family to be with, and a Christmas ham to carve. But I just want to encourage you, that God is still with us. There’s a lot of chaos happening in our world right now, and we talk about it a lot here on the podcast, but today, I really just want to stop and pause and reflect and say thank you Jesus. Thank you that you loved us so much, that you were willing to be born in a manger. That you’re willing to die for us. We are so thankful.

I pray today, that as we celebrate Christmas, that our giving thanks to the Lord, would be at the top of the things that we celebrate. In all of the wonderful things that Christmas represents, it represents so much to us now. As a church, it represents forgiveness. It represents peace. It represents all of the things that were wrapped up in God’s gift of Jesus, and I hope you guys will take time today. Read the Christmas story with your children, gather around and thank the Lord as you sing Christmas carols. We love to sing together as a family, and I’m sure we’ll be doing that quite a bit today in the midst of the noise, because the triplets are coming over.

But I hope that you guys have a wonderful Christmas. Thank you so much for inviting me into your homes three days a week. And for praying for our family, and for loving us by praying for us and supporting this ministry. It really is a blessing to us. And I hope that you guys have a wonderful and blessed Christmas day. Thanks for listening everybody, and I will see you back here on Friday. 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682