Archives

Salt and Light: How to Make a Difference Right Where You Are with Debbie Meador | Part 2 – 792

Do you feel overwhelmed by what you hear and see in culture right now? It’s easy to feel that way but be encouraged! Today, my guest, Debbie Meador will be talking with me about how she got #offthebench and began to make a difference in her area. It’s a conversation about hope and freedom that you won’t want to miss!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below.

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Romans 13:1-3

Scripture Mentioned in Podcast

  • 2 Corinthians 3:12
  • Deuteronomy 30:19
  • Romans 13

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Debbie Meador is the mother of three and co founder of “Communities for Excellence in Education”. She is a very involved Pastor’s wife at West Linn’s expanding “Athey Creek Christian Fellowship”. She is married to Pastor Brett Meador.

Debbie is passionate about godly parenting, and loves to encourage mothers through God’s Word in her discipleship group called, “Momtime”. Her hope is to inspire women with practical training tips and honest talk regarding the call of motherhood.


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the Heidi St. John podcast. Today is Monday, July 15th this is episode number 792—moment of silence. You knew I was going to do that. I cannot even believe it. We are halfway through the month of July. 

Today, my friend Debbie Meador is back on the show with me. We’re going to be hitting some of the topics that are hitting home with you guys as it relates to comprehensive sexed and what’s happening in the schools. We don’t just want to educate you, we want to encourage you.

So stick around, I think you’ll be encouraged.

All right, so thanks for tuning in today. I’m so glad you guys are here to join us. If you are not joining us over at MomStrong International, I want to encourage you to do that. We are doing the Scripture Writing Challenge over there—and as I’ve been saying for many years, just opening your Bible every single day, you guys— the Bible is life. There’s a reason why it is called Living Water. God’s Word is for you and it will encourage you. One of the reasons that we started MomStrong International is to answer some of the questions that I see happening in the culture today—with so many moms feeling overwhelmed by the questions that are coming at them in the culture, and they don’t know how to answer. But the apostle Paul said—we should be prepared to give an answer for the hope that lies within us.

I love what 2 Corinthians 3:12 says: because we have this hope, we are very bold. You guys. The boldness that God gives us comes from his holy spirit. It says, I am who God says I am. And today we’re going to tackle a little bit of a topic that is near and dear to my heart. You guys know I’ve been fighting comprehensive sexed over here at the podcast for quite awhile, and Debbie Meador is at the front of that battle in the state of Oregon, and Washington too. Well, and California. Well, the entire nation really. But I live here. So it matters to me. It is really struggling to see Christians influencing and impacting the culture. And last Friday, Debbie and I stopped our conversation talking about a culture of death that has really permeated the schools, absolutely.

But it’s also in the churches. It’s everywhere and it is the enemy. And we want to talk to you today about some ways that you can get off the bench and onto the battlefield, off of the sidelines and onto the frontline. So Debbie Meador, welcome back to the podcast. 

[Debbie] Thank you so much. It’s my pleasure to be here. 

[Heidi] I’m glad that you’re here. I want to just jump right into this, because I think it’s so important for parents to really have a handle on what’s happening. So let’s talk about what’s happening, as you and I are sort of seeing it unfold. Then, let’s talk about some remedies for it, and maybe some things that people can do. First of all, you and I share a passion for the culture to see that the gospel is what changes people, right? So I don’t know where I heard this, it might’ve been at Slavic Vote because you guys were there. 

[Debbie] Yes. 

[Heidi] Somebody said you can’t clean a fish until you catch it.  Was that Brett?

[Debbie] Yes, that was Brett. 

[Heidi] Yes, that was fantastic. I wrote that down. I was like— ooh, that was good. And I think sometimes we tend to do that in the culture, right? We’re trying to clean the fish before we catch it. But you can still, even if you can’t catch the fish, you can absolutely protect the other people that are around you. So if you see a fish and thing — boy, that fish needs cleaning and you can actually clean it, there are things that you can do to protect your children from coming in contact with something that’s going to hurt him. So, I want to start with Comprehensive Sex Education because I know that you’re familiar with it. Can you explain to listeners— first of all, is that real? Cause I had somebody write in, Amy wrote in last week and she said— I hear you talk about comprehensive sex education. Is this really happening? What’s the answer, Debbie? Is it really happening?

[Debbie] Well, yes. And it’s been happening. 

[Heidi] In a short answer—yes.

[Debbie] It’s been happening. And Comprehensive Sex Education boils down to definition of terms.

[Heidi] Right. It’s called different things. It’s not called CSC all over the country. It’s called lots of things. 

[Debbie] And even within the state of Oregon, you know, 10, 15 years ago what was listed as Oregon revised statutes and what should be included by ODE, which that’s the Oregon Department of Education, what their guidelines were changed in 2016. There was a revision. And it boils down to— it goes back into a lot of controversial laws that were passed. And we can go back to certain legislators that I don’t even really want to give credit because then that just gives them credit, you know? 

But, I do feel overall— God is sovereign, and He’s given us an opportunity to respond. But basically, it used to be that protected class included religion, race, ethnicity— but now it’s gender. So it became about gender equality. And that is really at the heart of the Oregon Department of Education’s reach. Now the heart behind it initially was Erin’s Law. Erin’s Law is a beautiful motivation. It is to protect children from child abuse. And you know, we both come from crazy backgrounds. So…

[Heidi] We’re all about it.

[Debbie] No one wants anyone to be abused!

[Heidi] Right!

[Debbie] But what’s happened as what often does happen when God is not at the home, when you have people who are lost, or people who are even saved but maybe walking in fear— inevitably we’re going to make mistakes. And I just believe it boils down to, right now, there’s been a huge mistake made by the Oregon Department of Education. I believe their intentions are really good, but the outcome is going to be horrible.

[Heidi] Devastating. 

[Debbie] Devastating. And so literally, if people can go online and look up the Oregon Department of Education Comprehensive Sex Education, and what the guidelines are, there’s hundreds of guidelines. The problem that many, many people have once you start taking a look at it, is that it undermines the authority of the home and the family. It questions that. And it causes kids at a very young age, even in kindergarten, to really start questioning— if they were made how they made, who they are, what they are. And then what’s even worse where it goes past the area of motivation and what could be interpreted as good— it clearly is agenda driven and Planned Parenthood is a part of it. Because…

[Heidi] Planned Parenthood I’m pretty much the front of it.  I mean I would say that they’re driving it. I mean American sex-ed right now, because we’re talking about Oregon because you’re from Oregon. But I talk about this all over the nation. And the groups that are aligned with planned parenthood are pushing what is really a highly explicit sexualized curricula. And Planned Parenthood, like abortion— I know that in Washington state, in CSA here, abortion is mentioned as a normal healthcare practice 125 times.

[Debbie] Exactly.

[Heidi] It’s crazy.

[Debbie] And Oregon, here’s the thing in Oregon— the Oregon revised statutes actually say to teach abstinence as the preferred method of guaranteeing 100% avoidance from STDs and unwanted pregnancy. And yet we’re not seeing that.

[Heidi] Well, and you can’t even tell if your kid is getting comprehensive sex-ed or abstinence based a sexual risk avoidance because they interchange the terms. And really, the terms come from WHO’s doling out the money. So who’s behind it. 

[Debbie] It’s very sad. 

[Heidi] Yeah, very sad. My husband calls it oversexed-ed because it’s not sex-ed anymore. We’re not even talking to kids about just the birds and the bees, which used to— I mean, hello, we graduate from high school about the same time— it used to embarrass us. Right? So, these kids are getting stuff that even as adults, we’re like— do we have to talk about that? No, we actually don’t have to talk about it because, A: that’s a lie. And this whole idea of gender being interchanged and really it seems to me, and I’d love to hear your opinion, but it seems to me that it’s very, very much agenda driven now. And it’s not about the health of the kids. It’s about an agenda that an activist is pushing either from Planned Parenthood, or from a NAMBLA, or from some of these other places that are pushing agendas—and they’re doing it under the guise of sex education.

[Debbie] Yeah. And the sad part is that even people who are school board members who are really wanting to do the right thing, they’re being driven by this agenda. And they can see, it’s very clear that our governor has appointed individuals who are making these rules and regulations and even the information that’s being put out there as research based and whatnot—I mean, I went to a school board meeting in Westland, Wilsonville— and it was insane to look at who the credentials were that went into this one particular curriculum. One of the contributors was a Frat. We had a parent that stood up and said— where’s the conservative? I mean, here’s the law that’s supposed to be balanced, it’s supposed to be neutral. This is not neutral. So that we were able to get a lot accomplished in Westland, Wilsonville. By no means perfected. It will take continued effort by the part of that community to stay engaged and to not give up. But that is how it is. If we want to change anything.

[Heidi] Well, and everybody’s tired. I mean, can we just acknowledge everybody getting tired. We’re tired. We’re tired of the battle. We’re tired of it. But, as I’ve been saying for a long time, I actually don’t know. I mean, are we tired in our mothering? Yes. Do we get to give up? No, we do not get to give up. We’re tired in our marriages. We get tired. I’m sure my husband’s tired of me right now. He’s looking at me through the control window— You don’t get to give up, baby. Yeah, see. You can’t give up. And I think our tendency is to just go— you know what this is… And I think this, Debbie, I really feel like— wow, I think the root of the issue is that parents feel overwhelmed. 

[Debbie] They do. 

[Heidi] They look at what’s happening and they just go— oh, for the love. I can’t affect that. I don’t know anybody on the school board. I don’t know who wrote CSE. I don’t understand. And so we feel overwhelmed. If I feel overwhelmed making dinner, I’m going to get out the cereal right? And my family’s going to eat it— it won’t be healthy for them. 

[Debbie] We all get overwhelmed. 

[Heidi] We all get overwhelmed. 

[Debbie] We all get overwhelmed. And I mean, for me, I think that there’s a couple ways I look at that. For one, it’s always in my heart to get refueled— I know that I need Jesus. So I go back. One of the things that in fact that it’s the foundation of my MomTime Discipleship group that I have with some great, great sweet moms. I love working with moms at our church. So I always start it off with Deuteronomy 30:19 it says— 19 This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deuteronomy 30:19-20.

You see, for me, the Lord is my life. The Lord is my life. It is not the rules. It’s not the government. It’s not. That’s not my life. So if I live my life thinking that’s going to be my identity, I’m going to freak out. But Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. And that never changes. God’s Word remains forever. His Word will go on forever. All of this other stuff is going to pass away. So while I want to do things in my current place where I’m at in my life to help affect change, that will help my nieces and nephews and my children as they move into that season of their life of parenting and whatnot. I want to be off the bench in that way. But if I live and breathe by effectiveness of that, I will go down. 

[Heidi] Yeah, yeah. 

[Debbie] We all will go down. Thank God we have the hope of heaven. We are just passing through, but I want to pass through with my light actually shining. And so it’s just about meeting people where they’re at, acknowledging that there are problems and conflicts in our homes, and in between husbands and wives, and things don’t work out really all that awesome all the time. And you are tired at the end of the day and sometimes you want your kids to go to bed at six—because you’re so tired. 

[Heidi] And as we all know bedtime’s not really about the kids. It’s about the Mama. 

[Debbie] It’s about the Mama. Can mama survive?

[Heidi] I know mine used to be like— Why do I have to go to bed at seven, I’m not tired? And I would say— yes, but I’m tired of you.

[Debbie] And you get to have reading time. 

[Heidi] So good. 

[Debbie] I knew it was time for my kids to go to bed when I would be reading to them and I would fall asleep. 

[Heidi] Exactly. 

[Debbie] So I’ve been there and it’s such a joy to be able to reach out to those moms. Well guess what happens though? Those moms with babies, two, three, four, five, now a lot of those moms that I’ve worked with in the past have kids in junior high and high school and they’re saying— what are we supposed to do?

[Heidi] Right? 

[Debbie] What exactly I was supposed to do?

[Heidi] What just happened? Yesterday my kid thought my sweater was cute in today she was like— I can’t believe you’re wearing that sweater out. 

[Debbie] That’s where I come in. At least in our church church community, a lot of moms come to me and say— what do I do? And I can help them plug in. And so there’s people in all different kinds of communities. We have a large church and we have just a lot of networking going on right now. It was not how it started, but it inevitably has become that because we have all raised our families together and we’re problem solvers. We like to be problem solvers.

[Heidi] I love that you are teaching straight from the Word of God. You’re not dodging the tough issues. And as you and I were talking about before, you know, so much of what’s happening— we have got to look at this in the face and see it for what it is and say God has a solution.

[Debbie] And while at the same time just praying to God that we maintain a church community that is open and welcoming. Welcoming, because there are those who are coming starving and they are sitting in church and they are realizing— wow, I have lived my whole life deceived. So as we have that kind of tone and demeanor, and doing all things in love without compromise to the truth, there is a way to reach those who are hurting.

[Heidi] I mean, Jesus did it. It’s called speaking the truth in love. And you know, for the longest time, the tagline of the podcast was: Truth and Love is Spoken here. You can’t love people without speaking the truth, you know. So what we’ve done so often in the culture is we sacrifice truth on the alter of a misguided mercy. We think we’re being merciful. So we don’t say— Oh man, I love you so much. God loves you. What you’re doing is going to hurt you. I promise you this will hurt you. The end result is death. But as you noted, rightly noted, when we were talking about this on Friday is that— we are really living in a culture that has embraced in many ways, the opposite of what God says is true.

And so how do we as Christians, get ourselves off the bench, get onto the battlefield. You know, talking to some of these moms without feeling overwhelmed, without feeling…because it starts at home. And there’s so many moms who are listening to this and I always tell them— it starts with prayer. If your family, if you’re a nuclear family, you and your husband, your kids, if you guys are not doing okay, this is not the time for you to get on the front lines—because the front lines is hard work and it is a battle. But if your family’s doing well, and your marriage is doing well, and you’re—not that you’ve got the parenting thing dialed down because I’ve been doing it for 30 years and I don’t have a dial down—but that you’ve spoken truth to your children and you know your family’s okay, then you’ve got opportunity.

And one of the things I love about you is you’ve taken a stand as someone who’s in ministry. You’re a public figure, as is your husband— because that’s what happens, right? And you’ve said, we’re not going to shy away from this. Instead of shying away, we’re going to do what Jesus did, which is to come out and actually impact the impact the world is the truth. And the truth comes from God’s Word. It’s not found any place else. So when the moms and dads who are listening to this today and I know there are a lot of them, another question came in from Terry and she was saying— how do you reconcile Romans 13, where the apostle Paul is saying that we are to submit to governing authorities. 

We talk about this a lot at the podcast. Paul’s talking about God’s order. And you were talking about it earlier when laws are passed, we’re not rioters, we’re not anarchists. And yet when we see something that’s happening that violates God’s law— whether it’s in the schools teaching little kids that they can transition, that they can change their gender, which really is abuse because they can’t change their gender. So it doesn’t matter if we’re telling them they can or they can’t, God said— I made a male and female and in my image. We go back to what we know is true. 

[Debbie] Yeah. 

[Heidi] How can we, as parents who are listening to this, in submission to governing authorities and still working to change it at the same time? What does that look like for people? There’s 100,000 people that are listening to this right now and the only few of them are in Oregon. So there’s people who are all over the world listening to this right now and they’ve got different issues that are happening, right? But it’s the same spirit, right? It’s that same culture of death. It might manifest itself in a different way, right? But how can we encourage these parents, where they are assuming that they’ve, that their marriages are intact and they’re doing the right work, which is to keep the home, you know, because you can’t—I mean, hello— how many pastors have we seen ministered to everybody else but their own family? And we don’t want to make that same mistake. So where do they start?

[Debbie] So I have to start with what I know, right? Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Was blind, but now I see. That is what I teach my kids. Guys, we’re all blind. We were all blind. 

[Heidi] Born blind.

[Debbie] But we can lead people to Christ, but we will not lead people to Christ if we have a shutdown mentality. Right? So we have to be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

[Heidi] Yeah.  And parents need to be involved. And really getting in there. I was thinking about a letter that I got from a mom whose kids have gone to school. She’s pulled them out, but they were in school in Southern California. And she sent this to me and I thought it was so interesting. It says 59% of 12 to 17 year olds use snapchat regularly and it’s talking about how it is affecting our kids. So they’ve been sexualized on social media. And then they’re going to school and they’re being sexualized even more. So than not talking about birth control like they did when we were teens, and instead they’re teaching them all kinds of really unhealthy and unsafe practices. And this mom was like— I don’t know what to do. 

So I asked her, I said— did you go down to your school board? Did you go and talk to the teacher and say— I’d really like to see the curriculum? And she said that she really had a hard time seeing it. In fact, this is what she said— the program coordinator for CSC in the San Diego area, which is where she was living, was reluctant to show her the curriculum. And eventually she did it. And she saw a section called Rights, Respect, and Responsibility. 

And what really shocked her was the sixth grade curriculum said that kids could be attracted to any gender. And she wrote this to me. She said this was the main quote. “We don’t choose our feelings, just like we don’t choose who we find attractive.” And so then it gave detailed information about every kind of sex you could possibly imagine. And what they’re doing is they’re confusing these kids. 

[Debbie] It is.

[Heidi] Because feeling at that age is confusing. Can we all just agree?

[Debbie] And let’s just ask this question— who is the author of confusion, right? 

[Heidi] That’d be Satan.

[Debbie] And where does that lead? To death, right? So anything that leads to death— I am not for.  I am not about it. So here’s one thing that you can do for those parents all over the place. So we have a couple of amazing federal clearing houses for that. Everyone respects the Center for Disease Control and the National Institute of Health. Those are very neutral. Educators respect that. Physicians respect that. Our own health departments that we have use the stats from the CDC and the NIH in order to give out information. Really find a lot of those across the aisle moments, you know, and then they start to learn that, oh gosh, you’re not just a maniac— you actually are doing this because you care.

And once they see how much you care, then they’ll listen a little bit more. And then you can have some influence within those health departments and letting those teachers know that you’re on their side, that you’re rooting for them. Is there anything you can do? Can you come in? Can you feed them during conferences? Can you help them grade papers? Can you help them put together projects? Get yourself in the classroom. 

Switching to another topic, something that’s become giant in the name of inclusivity, what has happened in Oregon, is the behavioral issues have just gone crazy. It’s all over the news. The poor teachers are not supportted. I mean, I know of teachers who have had broken arms who have had, I mean, actually, and something that I think is an interesting point to bring up is— where are the feminists on this? 90% of those teachers are women, right? But they’re being abused.  You to talk about Erin’s law. Let’s turn that around a little bit. And who’s defending the teachers right now? Those are women who are in a classroom who are being told to remain silent. As a woman and as a mother of a daughter who’s a teacher— I do not want her to live in a climate where she is told you will remain silent about this. We know secrets like that are not to be kept. And that is the intention behind Erin’s Law being taught to kids— Hey, don’t keep secrets. And that’s all fine and good. We need to be doing that for teachers.

[Heidi] Well, the feminist movement is a movement of hypocrites because— why don’t they care about the women in the womb? Feminism is just sort of… I used to be all about equal pay for equal work. Right? Those kinds of things—I can get behind that. Let’s talk about that. But when we talk about women who are being abused in the classroom, where are the feminist? Where are the feminist worried about the women who were growing up in Istabul right now? Where are they? We’re not talking about those women, but we will talk about killing women in the womb through abortion. It’s a very messed up ideology, and you see it in the schools as well. I wondered too—several of my friends are teachers in the public schools here in the Pacific Northwest, and even around the nation.

And I know that they appreciate knowing that people are praying for them. So even if what parents are listening to, even if this is the thing that you can do because we can all do this, is to begin to pray, to really begin to pray. We serve the Lord of Heaven’s armies. We serve the Creator of the universe. Why are we running? Why are we running? We run from the fight when the Lord of Heaven’s armies says— you only need to be still and I’ll fight for you. 

So we can pray. We have power in the heavenly realms. We have been given every authority under heaven because of Jesus and we can cry out to Him. I think sometimes, in our state of feeling overwhelmed, we don’t even do that. 

[Debbie] I think we can be overwhelmed. The narrative is to be silent. 

[Heidi] That’s it. They’re trying to make you feel overwhelmed.

[Debbie] And so, part of the problem with that is that you forget that— oh, you don’t have to be silent to God. And we actually don’t have to be silent in the way we walk. We have our freedom of speech and we have our freedom. 

[Heidi] You’re back to your First Amendment.

[Debbie] We do not have to be giving that up.

[Heidi] Do you carry that around? Just giving it to people?

[Debbie] Oh, they made me memorize that. 

[Heidi] Here’s Debbie, like giving the First Amendment to the Starbucks Barista. Here’s your First Amendment.

[Debbie] I mean, the thing is we do have a God who wants to hear us, for us, who need to redefine what a good dad looks like and who we, you know, I’ve had in my heart that challenge and God has really just worked on me to realize— wow, my earthly father, it’s okay, He’s loved by God, but He’s not actually God. Right? You know what I mean? And, and, and sometimes as wide as we can transfer that same kind of pressure over to our husbands, you know, like, which is ridiculous because they’re not God either. 

And we have this insatiable appetite within our hearts, right? But going to God with that is amazing. And as you asked about how can you help, whether it’s the libraries or whether it’s the schools or whether it’s whatever venue you’re looking at that maybe you see– Gosh, I think this needs a little bit of work. Pray first, and then go. And when you feel tired, pray again and watch God bring in people. Because that’s what I’ve been amazed by is— wow, I can’t do all this stuff. But God sure can bring people

[Heidi] Yes and He’s at work. I think sometimes we don’t realize this, but really it’s a position of arrogance when we start thinking— I gotta do this by myself. And God’s saying— no, actually you don’t. I can use lots of people. And He wants to do that. 

[Debbie] How cool it is when I do. 

[Heidi] Yeah. It’s amazing. Well you guys are here in the Homeschool Resource Center. 

[Debbie] Yes. 

[Heidi] In the studio, in this place, as we were walking around earlier, I was telling you this is a place that is an absolute beautiful example of God’s provisioning. 

[Debbie] It is amazing. We need like 50 of these. 

[Heidi] I know. Well, I’m working on it. We have groups, actually, all over the country now who are starting to want to start homeschool resource centers for parents who are pulling their kids out and just realizing— okay, there may be a better way for my family and for the parents who are at the jumping off place. Whether you look around and you start to feel overwhelmed and we say to you just as sisters in the Lord—  come to the Lord in prayer, go before the Lord. He is the healer. He answers prayer. He’s the chain breaker, you know, and you can make a difference in your community because of the power of the Holy Spirit inside of you. Right? You are an ambassador.

[Debbie] Yes, yes. And the power of prayer is amazing. I know with our mom time group and our other women’s studies at our church, the format that we follow—we have time of worship, time in the Word, and then time of prayer and we circle up and sharing your heart and giving it to the Lord. And then, we journal those things. We write those things down—the prayer needs— because we’re able to go back later and see how God answers those things. And it gives you so much. 

[Heidi] It’s weird how we forget.

[Debbie] It’s amazing. 

[Heidi] Yeah. I always tell people, I like to believe that if I was there when Moses lifted up His staff and God parted the Red Sea— that I would never forget. I would love to think that everyday for the rest of my life, I’d be telling my kids and my grandkids— you are never going to believe what happened at the shores of the Red Sea. This is amazing. Like every day. You’d never get tired of telling the story. But the Bible records the Israelites for God that they forgot about God’s healing. They forgot about His blessing, they forgot about his power. And then they went right back into captivity, whether it’s the captivity of their own sin or captivity because they just disobeyed God and they wound up as a captive. And we do the same thing. And we need to be encouraging each other. You know, write those things down. 

[Debbie] You know, and I think it’s so cool because once you figure out— Whoa, God doesn’t want me to be a captive. He doesn’t want my kids to be captives. He doesn’t want any of us to get hauled off into bondage. And I think that’s where my heart just breaks for our states right now collectively, is that you’re seeing an entire population of children going off into bondage. And it breaks my heart, but it is also totally preventable. And so God is able. I’m not sure how the outcome is going to be, but I know God is able, I’d never give up on that. You know? I mean, it’s the whole rewrite your story. You know what I mean? If you don’t like the way your story is going down— time to cross out some lines, do a little bit of editing, and do a rewrite. You know? 

[Heidi] And if you don’t like what’s happened at the library, rewrite the story.

[Debbie] Rewrite the story and— man, homeschooling is just such a beautiful avenue to go with that. Because I know for me, being able to really visit from God’s perspective, US History was huge, it was amazing. I was so thankful. I got to teach it three times. 

[Heidi] Oh yeah. Did you ever read Joy Hakim History of the US?

[Debbie] No.

[Heidi] It is so good. Oh my goodness. It’s so good. 

[Debbie] It sounds like it’d be amazing. 

[Heidi] So good. Yeah. 

[Debbie] Yeah. So my daughter is at a big, huge Christian history conference and I’ve been texting her for the past couple days— I need to be there with you next year. But when you get on Site Councils, and when you’re on the school board and Communities for Excellence in Education, actually she thinks I probably could go, but you know, those avenues when you go and you just see the handwriting of the Lord everywhere. You know, one of the things I took back from the Slavic evening that we had this past week was how much I feel that I owe— I actually have ancestors who fought. I’m a daughter of the American revolution, and Brett has Jacob Broom who signed the constitution. 

[Heidi] Wow. 

[Debbie] So when we have that kind of history for us to walk away is— I can’t do it. 

[Heidi] No, I can’t either. You and I are both patriots. I mean, we love this country and want to see it flourish and want to see it grow. One of the things I love, I told my husband, and I found my new favorite tee shirt. It’s smokey the bear and it says Only You Can Prevent Socialism. 

[Debbie] And Jesus was not a socialist.

[Heidi ] I know, he was not. Yeah. All these people are like— Jesus was a socialist. No. Wrong. No, he wasn’t. And it’s really just to educate people to say— get involved in the process, look around what’s happening and then use your voice. And the voice that you have as the one that God gave you. And so we bring God into everything that we do. And then we watch what happens. It’s amazing.

[Debbie] That’s right. And trust Him in the midst of it. You know, it’s not always gonna turn out our way, but He is worthy to be trusted. We will suffer loss and it will not be easy, sometimes. But sometimes, when you ask God— God take me, help me level up in my faith, help me level up in the way I live. Some of that is casting aside fear and then watching Him fill in the blanks with faith and then it blows your mind because you’re like— wow, this turned out better than I thought. 

[Heidi] This could have gone really badly. 

[Debbie] Yeah. 

[Heidi] Well, and I think it’s also, it’s taking those thoughts captive and realizing that what Paul said to Timothy is right. God didn’t give us a spirit of fear. Fear is a spirit. It doesn’t come from the Lord. Because when we walk in that relationship with the Lord, there is that perfect love, it comes in and it casts out fear. It doesn’t mean we’re not afraid. Doesn’t mean we’re not afraid. 

[Debbie] Yes, and I just listened to your podcast a couple of days ago and I loved it. I was like —AMEN! You don’t even know. It’s like you’re my twin. It’s a blessing.

[Heidi] Debbie, I love what you’re doing. If people want to find you online or they want to hook up—you’re in the West Linn area. Yeah, and there are people who are looking for a good church. And lots of churches in the Portland area that are not actually preaching the gospel anymore and people I know are hungry for truth. I see them all the time coming to my conferences. They’re starving for truth. And you guys are actually speaking life and truth at Athey Creek. How do they find you?

[Debbie] So it’s easy. AtheyCreek.com. You can go into women’s ministry. There’s previous teachings, but in the meantime, fighting to keep my husband out of jail.

[Heidi] Hey Man, I love that. That can be— that’ll be your new tagline. She’d be like, DebbieMeador.com— Fighting To Keep My Husband Out Of Jail. That actually makes me a hundred different kinds of happy. 

All right you guys. Thanks for listening everybody. Debbie, thank you so much for coming on the show. 

[Debbie] Thank you. 

[Heidi] It’s been a joy to have you. For more information on Debbie Meador and the Ministry of Athe Creek, you can visit AtheyCreek.com today. Make sure you guys leave a review and leave a review using the #offthebench. For those of you who are looking for my schedule, you can find it at HeidiStJohn.com/events. I’ve got several coming up and then we’ll wrap up the season, so check it out. Heidi St john.com for research events. Thanks for listening everybody—I’ll be back here on Wednesday with the new study from MomStrong International.

Write to Heidi:

Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Biblical Womanhood Part 1 | MomStrong International Week 1 of 4 — 787

Images are reflections, and that’s what we were crafted to be—reflections of God here on earth. We were created to be bear His image and reveal His heart by pointing others to Him—mirrors displaying His character to the world. Join me as we talk about our newest study as it relates to our role as women.

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Ephesians 1:13-14

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Scripture Mentioned in Podcast

  • Genesis 1:26
  • Genesis 1:27
  • Colossians 3:10
  • Ephesians 4:24 
  • Ephesians 1:13-14
  • Genesis 2:18
  • Psalm 33:20

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. I am so glad you guys have joined me for the first day of our July study. We are going to be studying the idea that God has a role for us to play and a part of that can be found in the fruit of the Spirit. We’re going to be talking about biblical womanhood as it relates to the fruit of the Spirit. 

Stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.

Alright, so we’ve made it into July. This is episode number 787 by the way, I don’t think I said that in my intro. But I wanted to just encourage you, this is a fantastic time, right at the beginning of the month—please join us for the Bible Study. It’s roughly $8 a month. It’s a fantastic way for you to help support the ministry that is MomStrong International. And this is what helps us get the podcast out to you. So if you haven’t done that yet, you can join us at MomStrongInternational.com. Today’s verse at the Scripture Writing Challenge for Wednesday, July 3rd is found in Ephesians. Ephesians 1:13-14. So if you’re writing it out with me, this is what we are writing out today: And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

We have a lot to be thankful for. God has given us so much and He wants us to walk in right relationship with Him. Every once in awhile I’ll get comments or questions over at my podcast or sometimes on my Facebook page—or even on the forums at MomStrong International. And I hear this, sorrow I think. I’m hearing sorrow in some of God’s people because they have forgotten who they are. The Bible says we’ve been sealed with the promised Holy Spirit and this is the guarantee of our inheritance—and we’re going to acquire possession of it to the praise of His glorious name. You guys, we’re going to heaven! We’re just passing through. I wonder sometimes why we can’t stand up for what’s right and we can’t find our voice in the culture. And so often I think it’s because we’ve forgotten who we are. 

We serve the Lord of lord’s. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors as if God were making His appeal through us. What an incredible opportunity God has given us to walk righteously with Him in the culture and to defend the faith and to talk to people about the joy of the Lord. I keep thinking about my interview with Pastor Phil Hopper from Abundant Life in Lee summit— which by the way, I’m going to be there on August 24th. So get that on your calendar, women of God. Bring your friends, bring your neighbors, bring your daughters and come on out. It will be a day that will change your life, I promise you. I’m super excited about that. That’s coming up on Saturday, August 24th.

 But I keep thinking about Phil talking about how the enemy wants to hold us captive. Jesus said He came to set us free and the enemy comes to kill, and steal, and destroy, and to lie to us about who we are. And I want you to remember who you are. Men and women of God—You are who God says you are. You’re not who the culture says you are. You’re not defined by the news, or by somebody who’s being unkind to you, or by someone who’s told you that your belief in the Lord makes you weak. You are who God says you are. And that’s what we’re going to focus on for the month of July—talking about who God says we are, that our life is in Him. And this week, as we worked on the Bible study together, as the team worked on it—I have just been filled with this joy that comes from knowing that my life is His. It belongs to Him. I’m not my own. My life is not my own. My life belongs to Him. I am who God says I am. 

And as women, I think in the culture right now—that can be particularly troubling because the world is really railing against what God says is right. And we’ve seen this over and over and over again. In Genesis 1 the Lord says, “Let us make man in Our image, after Our likeness” (Genesis 1:26). As the story of creation unfolds, we find ourselves witness to the beginning of a glorious pursuit, one that results in the Creator of the universe giving His life for His beloved creation. 

So think about this with me, you guys, just for a minute. The Creator of the universe. Here’s the Creator— look around you. Everything that you see in the natural world, God has created. And He stops in the middle of an unfolding creation account and invites us in and gives us a glimpse of what He’s about to do in creating mankind. And Amazingly, He didn’t stop there. He answers the question that every soul asks as He tells us why. Yes, you see —God is going to place His masterpiece, the pinnacle of creation, His image on the earth, in a place without sin or suffering, in the form of male and female. 

And this is what the enemy of our soul is railing against right now, right? This is what we’re hearing in the culture. You guys come against the things that defame and distort the truth of who God is and the truth of who you are and who God says you are. So as we read Genesis 1:27,  the smoke begins to clear over one of the most asked questions of our existence: why am I here? 

God is letting us know that we’re here, as children of God, to bear His image. And to reflect Him. We are a reflection of God. Images are reflections. And that’s what God has designed us to be—a reflection of Him here on the earth. We were created to bear His image and to reveal His heart by pointing others to Him—to display and mirror His character to the world. Now, do we do that beautifully all the time? No. 

When people say they’re disillusioned with the church, I’m like—yeah, right, me too. Get in line. I’m disillusioned with myself, but I’m not here to follow myself. I’m here to follow Jesus. And when sin entered the world, right, it shattered our ability to be a perfect image-bear. And because of sin, our reflection of the Creator is no longer the crisp, clear reflection that God created it to be—but rather it’s been tarnished by sin. And so our hearts are broken and our purpose has been threatened except for one thing—God’s promise of Jesus. And every single one of you listening to this right now, you need this truth to go down deep. God, the creator of the universe, the one who spoke the world into being—Who loved you, chose you, created you, and redeemed you—is restoring His image in you, right? This is out of Colossians 3:10 and Ephesians 4:24. This is the heart of becoming more like Him. 

It’s the heart of God to restore what sin took from us. God wants to make you new. Jesus said—I came that human to have life and have it to the full. So being created in the image of God means that we image God, we reflect Him. Our purpose then isn’t for ourselves. It’s for Him. It’s to bring Him glory. So being an image-bearer doesn’t mean that you’re not going to sin. It simply means that even on the days when we fall short, our longing is for the Lord. Our desire as an image-bearer of our Creator should be to please Him.

And so as we talk a little bit about this, and we talk about God’s design for male and female, and how we’ve messed it up, and how God wants us to reflect His glory in the bodies that He has given us—I hope that it brings you joy. As we start this study, you’re going to see that we’re in Ephesians 1:13-14. And it says—  In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory. [Ephesians 1:13-14 NASB]

So this is the same verse we read earlier, only in the NIV. And I think, as we study this, and we learn to apply God’s Word to our lives—I want us to be thinking: Lord, help me personalize this in my life. Help me remember who You say that I am, who you have made me to be. 

I love that God’s heart for us is to reflect Him and to reflect His heart. And we are born with a deep desire to belong, right? We come into the world with a need to find our purpose. And our worth as human beings is tied to our sense of purpose.  If we don’t know where our worth comes from, if we don’t understand that we are image-bearers of God, and that He loves us, and He’s made us on purpose with a purpose—then we can never truly feel like we belong. That’s why I’m always saying that the answer to the sin that we’re seeing in the world today isn’t psychiatry. It’s Jesus. It’s Jesus. And in these moments when we’re doubting and we’re struggling, we need to be grounded in the truth. Elisabeth Elliot says the correct question is not “Who are we?” but rather “Whose are we?”

And if you’ve never read her book, Let me be a woman : notes to my daughter on the meaning of womanhood, I just wanna encourage you—it’s an old book but it’s fantastic. I’ll link back to it in the show notes today. You can get it from Amazon. And the Bible teaches us who we are from the very beginning, right? So  the biggest questions that are being asked in the culture, the Lord of the universe answers in His Word. So In Genesis 1 the Lord says, “Let us make man in Our image, after Our likeness”. And then we begin to untwist, to see the unfolding plan and purpose for us as male and female—as representations of God’s creative ability here on the earth.

So God’s given us everything that we have to reflect Him. He is splendid. He’s majestic. He is beautiful and gracious, wise, and powerful. He is omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipotent (all-powerful). He is omnipresent (meaning He is everywhere). And yet when a truth of Scripture rubs us the wrong way, or offends our freedoms, we suddenly come up with creative ways to manhandle the Scripture and justify our actions. Right?  Emotional reasoning–situational ethics–is one of the greatest dangers that face us as believers today, and deciding where we will walk inside or outside God’s framework of biblical manhood and biblical womanhood is an excellent example of current emotional reasoning, rather than being faithful to walk inside His framework regardless of how we feel about it.

And this is the answer to the transgender movement, right? I read a blog post from a woman the other day who’s 10 year old daughter came to her and said she had decided she was a lesbian. 10 years old!! And the mom was like—I just love my daughter. I’m so proud of her. I want to support her. So she took her daughter to Target and got her a pride shirt. She got herself a shirt that said—I’m the proud mama of a proud lesbian. And my heart was breaking. This is not the framework that God designed for us and we will never find satisfaction in going outside of how God has designed us to be. So this month as we continue in our study of the fruit of the Spirit, we are going to focus on joy, faithfulness, and gentleness. And a true joy—is why we’re talking about image-bears. True joy, biblical joy, comes from knowing that things are good, that all is well between the Lord and myself. And when that is in regard to our role as a woman, to feminism, it’s a joy that sprung from embracing every nuance that is womanhood, in all its beautiful strength.

So these women who claim to represent feminism today, and they do it with such vitriol and such hatred, and hatred of men. And somehow to be a woman—that means we disregard men. It’s ridiculous. It’s not God’s heart. Who can fight their maker in His design and be filled with joy at the same time? Nobody. And yet the world calls us and our daughters, shouting loudly in the streets, “Did God really say you are a woman? Are you really precious and uniquely gifted? Did He really mean to restrict you and steal your freedoms?” We can just hear the Devil whispering in our ears and we start to wonder, but the fruit of the Spirit of faithfulness and gentleness grows in us and we are strong to respond by embracing God’s perfect design in our womanhood. God is most definitely not calling us to be quiet about this.

You guys, being a woman, that does not mean that you’re not strong. Being a woman of strength is an attractive quality when we are inside of God’s boundaries. So we’re going to talk about those boundaries because when we’re inside the boundaries that God has set out for us, we can experience joy and freedom. And so this week we’re going to uncover the answer to whose we are, and what our Creator intended in His designing of beautiful womanhood. Images as I said earlier—are reflections. And that’s what we are crafted to be—reflections of God here on earth. We are created to bare his image, and to reveal His heart, and point others to Him. So we’re going to study that. 

There’s something I want to point out. In the study every week I try to, kind of pick something out that I think is important for you to kind of chew on—something that God has given us, an instruction He’s given us that we’re struggling with in the culture. And the struggle that I want to give you, I want to kind of talk about today. It is this idea of being a help-meet. I hear women rail against it all the time. So let’s look at it for a second. Okay? Genesis 2:18. So we are talking about being image-bearers. 

In Genesis 2:18, God notices that Adam is struggling and He says it’s not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him. Now, certain gifts are given from God for a specific need. And then there are things all of us as believers are called to when we become saved and step into right relationship with God. So one step further back from those two things is our original design. So whether we are believers or not, this is how we are created—no matter what the conversation we’re having, we need to establish the root of our design.

It’s foundational to what we believe. So when we read Genesis 1 to 3 , we see that Adam is naming the animals and that as God looks around and he sees something in Adam, he notices there was no helper that was suitable for Adam. Adam has all these animals around him. God brought the animals to him and whatever Adam called him, that was their name, right? He watches and He sees that there is no suitable mate for him. And God creates a woman out of his rib and—talk about a dream come true, right? Adam wakes up to a beautiful woman next to him and she is called Eve. And from the first intention of women’s design, she was made as a support—a gift to meet a need. And so this helper that was given to Adam was God’s good design, right?

So God makes it pronounced when He says it’s not good for man to be alone. And His solution is to make a suitable helper. Now I think sometimes in the culture, you know, we go: helper, what a rotten role that is. All we are is the person who comes along to clean up after the guy and do his dishes and all that stuff. No, these are two words in the Bible. 

If you’ll download this study, I don’t have time to go into it today, but I’m going to break these down for you—what helper means and what the word suitable means. It’s so important because we see it not just in the creation account, but in other places in the Bible and the words are used all over the place. The word ezer, which is this idea of a helper for Adam is also used in Psalm 33:20 in this verse—why does our soul not wait for the Lord? Then the answer: He is our help in our shield. 

God is saying—I am your help! Just like women—you are help. What will we do, women, without the Lord? And it’s an incredible way to represent God as image-bears. Bing a help is so much more than ironing a shirt, cleaning up dishes, or cleaning a toilet, or wiping noses, or changing diapers. It’s a life that’s being poured out for the sake of the gospel—to become like Jesus. And that should be our greatest desire. And so this idea that we should be men or that we should feel bad because God said—no, he’s made a helper. What an amazing role for us. 

Elizabeth Elliot brought some clarity on the topic when she said— We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.

Again, that’s from Let Me Be A Woman. I’ll link back to it in the show notes today. So what does this mean for me as a believer? How can my heart, my attitude, be birthed from joy, gentleness, faithfulness? Well, it comes as we study the Word of God and we say—Father, I want to walk how you want me to walk. Something I have observed over the years is that women are born responders, right? God placed Eve in the garden in response to Adam’s need for a companion. Jesus was the ultimate born responder. He was born in response to seeing our need for a sacrifice for forgiveness of our sin. And as we think about our role as being a responder, as coming in to be a helper, it should fill us with joy. 

Lord, thank you that you have made me a woman. Thank you father, that you have placed me on this earth, on purpose, with a purpose. And even when we’re tired and even when I don’t feel like doing the thing you’ve asked me to be, and even when I’m frustrated that I’m a woman—Lord, help me to embrace who you say that I am and to show my children what it means to walk in that knowledge of who I am. It is a beautiful, precious, wonderful gift. 

And God has given men a different role than women. And we are made to work with each other to bring glory to God. As I’ve said over and over—I’m going to end the podcast with it today—we are made to bring glory to God. Our lives should be dedicated to bringing glory to God and not to saying—how can I get what I want and what can I do to go outside of the plan that God has for me. But rather to say—Lord, I need you. Thank you for making me a woman. Help me not to be the woman that the world says I am, but to be the woman rather that God wants me to be. 

So hope you guys are encouraged. You can dig a whole lot deeper with me in this study at MomStrongInternational.com. This is a great time to join us for the whole month of July. We are going to be studying the fruits of the Spirit as it relates to biblical womanhood. I want to thank you guys for leaving reviews for the podcast. It really does matter. Every review that you leave over there, we read and I thought it’d be fun today to end the podcast by reading a review that I read recently and I was so—you guys, I’m so encouraged every single time. Somebody from our staff, they’ll send me, you know, they’ll send me a review or a comment that somebody has left over there and it really does encourage the whole team.

So there’s a bunch of us over here that are getting this podcast out to you every week. My friend Marlene, she does the transcript. Melissa helps schedule the guests on the podcast and keeps me from forgetting what I’m doing. Kay Orr helps with sponsorships at the podcast. My husband—obviously the engineer. There’s a whole lot of people that are going into getting this out here and we really appreciate you guys taking the time to leave reviews. It really matters to us. The last one that I read said this: 

Wow, thank you so much for today’s episode! The interview was so eye-opening for me. We’re just venturing into our homeschool journey; our oldest is five and we’ve decided to homeschool.

So, thank you guys for taking the time to leave a review. Another, another mom said:  

Hi Heidi, I so enjoy your podcast. I am 25 & have a five-month-old and listening to your podcast helps me feel confident that I have the tools, teachers, and resources available to help me through raising her to be a godly young woman. Though I feel it is going to be treacherous in on the cultural climate, I know God will be with me. Thank you so much for addressing the hard questions and sticking your neck out for the cause of Christ.

You are very welcome. Thank you for leaving reviews. It encourages and blesses us and we hope this podcast is a blessing to you as well. I’ve enjoyed having you guys here today and I hope the podcast was a blessing to you. Come back on Friday—I’ve got a special guest and you will not want to miss it. Have a great day everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Friday. 

Write to Heidi:

Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Freedom From Anxiety | Mailbox Monday – 786

Although Jesus said He came to give us abundant life, sometimes we can find ourselves a prisoner of past pain.  When we allow ourselves to become self-focused, we can lose sight of the Healer, and instead, fall into feelings of shame. Don’t forget whose you are, precious one! Jesus bore our shame on the cross; we don’t need to bear it for one moment longer. 

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • 2 Corinthians 3:12-18

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

  • Matthew 11:25
  • Philippians 4:6-9
  • Proverbs 23:7
  • 2 Peter 1:3
  • Romans 13: 1-2

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey you guys, this is Heidi St. John. Thank you for joining me today at my little corner of the Internet. This is the Heidi St. John podcast. Today is Monday, July 1st—moment of silence. You guys, June is over. I hope you guys are enjoying your summer. Today’s Mailbox Monday and I’ve got three questions I’m going to try to get to today. Two of them I know I can get to, I’m not sure about the third, so I’m not even going to tell you what it is. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so if you guys are following me at MomStrong International, today is Monday, July 1st—which means it’s the first day of a brand new study. We’re studying the fruit of the Spirit and Biblical Womanhood at MomStrong International. This is something that is near and dear to my heart and I know that a lot of you have been struggling with this idea of male and female, because frankly we have messed it up—we’ve messed it up in the culture. We’re struggling with what God says our role is as male and female. And God doesn’t want us to struggle. God has already given us the answer to the questions that we’re asking—in His Word. So as we dig a little bit deeper into that, I just want you guys to be encouraged that God has answers for you. So jump into this study.

This is a great time to get into it with your kids. I’m not even kidding about this—it is a great time and we’re going to study what it means to be an image bearer. The Bible teaches us that we were born with an innate need for God. We are born into this world with an innate need to find our purpose. And here’s the thing—tied to purpose and belonging, is our worth as human beings. So if we don’t know where our worth comes from, we can never truly feel like we belong. And a heart that is lost in a sea of self-loathing—and I hear this all the time from men and women around the country—is easy prey for a culture that is busily distorting God’s plan and His purpose at every turn. And so we need to know the answer to this question and praise the Lord—God has given us the answer.

So on Wednesday I’m going to come back and I’m going to dig into a little bit of Genesis 1 and talk about what it means to be an image bearer, and as women to be born responders. So hope you guys will tune in on Wednesday for that. And in the meantime, July 1st, this is a great day. You can join the Scripture Writing Challenge for free. If you’ve never done that, I would love to encourage you to do that. This is also a fantastic time to start the Bible Study with us at MomStrongInternational.com. You can take part in Kid Strong, download the cursive version so you kids can be practicing cursive with you through the summer. And I just want to encourage you to do that. You can find it at MomStrongInternational.com. 

A bunch of you guys are asking me where I’m going to be coming up. My speaking season is winding to an end, sort of slowly. I will be in Lee’s Summit coming up for my women’s conference there. We’re going to be doing Miracle Worker: The Life Changing Power of Following Jesus. So I’m very, very excited about that and I want you guys to come out. It’s not too late. You can register HeidiStJohn.com/events. The next two places I will be are coming up in July. So July the 18th through  20th, I will be in Arizona, and the 11th through the 13th I’ll be in Pasadena for the CHEA conference. So all that information is at my website at HeidiStJohn.com/events and you should be able to click on those events and then get to registration and everything else that you need to find them. 

Another thing I wanted to say is: THANK YOU. We are blown away by the number of people that are listening to the show and writing in to us. The reason that I have questions to answer and to think and pray over every Monday is because you guys are sending them to us. So thank you so much for doing that. It is an encouragement to me to hear what God is doing in your life and to wrestle through some of these questions with you. And so if you’ve never sent us a question to Mailbox Monday, it’s very easy to do. Send it to podcast@thebusymom.com. That goes to our staff and we go through those questions—and we try to pick out the ones that we think are gonna be relevant to the greatest number of listeners. And we want to hear from you. 

Also, you can reach out to me via snail mail. Please don’t send your questions as snail mail, I’d rather that you did that online—but if you want to send us questions or comments, or you want to send support to the ministry, you can do that by sending us a note to:  1100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682. Also want to say thanks for leaving reviews over at iTunes. Your reviews are helping us get this podcast out to more and more people. So thank you very much for doing that. 

All right, so we’ve got several questions that I want to get to today, but before I do that, today is July 1st and our verse for July 1st for the Scripture Writing Challenge is found in 2 Corinthians 3:12-18. So this is what you’re writing today with me if you’re doing the Scripture Writing Challenge with me.

Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. [2 Corinthians 3:12-18 NIV] 

That was read out of the NIV. And this is interesting—I’m going to read it to you really quickly in The Message. There’s a lot of things about The Message that I don’t appreciate that you guys have heard me say. If you’re looking for a Study Bible, I would say do the ESV or the NIV. The Message is not a Study Bible. It’s a paraphrase. But I kind of liked this version of it. I read it to my kids. Let me read it to you. So you just heard in the NIV. Now I’m going to read it to you from The Message:

With that kind of hope to excite us, nothing holds us back. So the Apostle Paul is saying in the NIV, Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. and Eugene Peterson’s  translation of that is with that kind of hope, like the kind of hope we have in Jesus, nothing holds us back.

Unlike Moses, we have nothing to hide. Everything is out in the open with us. He wore a veil so the children of Israel wouldn’t notice that the glory was fading away—and they didn’t notice. They didn’t notice it then and they don’t notice it now, don’t notice that there’s nothing left behind that veil. Even today when the proclamations of that old, bankrupt government are read out, they can’t see through it. Only Christ can get rid of the veil so they can see for themselves that there’s nothing there.

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him. [2 Corinthians 3:12-18 MSG] 

I love to read different translations of the Bible as I study it. I was listening to a friend of mine talking to our son the other day who’s getting ready to go to Bible College, and he was saying—you know Spencer, the best way to study the Bible is not to go to Bible College. It’s to read the Bible and read it cover to cover. This is why we do the Scripture Writing Challenge. This is why I’m so passionate about getting you into the Word because I know that it’s God’s Word that transforms. It’s the Word of God. It’s God living in you. It’s the Holy Spirit speaking to us that transforms our life. Nothing does that except for God. And so I want to encourage you to get into God’s Word and join us at the Scripture Writing Challenge. 

All right. The first question today, and we got a lot of really great questions this time and I want to say thanks for everybody who’s writing. The first question comes from a mom who would like to be  anonymous, so I will read part of her question to you. So we aren’t supposed to live in fear, and we are to cast our anxieties on Him, and rest, and have peace that only He can give. As one who has walked through the abuse you have and struggles with anxiety—how do you reconcile these things and not struggle with condemnation when these things are very real part of your life?

Slight background for this listener, she says—I started having frequent anxiety attacks about a year ago. I started counseling a few months ago and in the process have since remembered a horrific incident from a relationship in high school where I was very violently attacked. Who knew that your brain could completely lock that stuff down in a box for 15 years. Life in the past few months is at times unrecognizable and full of a new PTSD world of triggers, flashbacks, and physical reactions to all of it, and medications to keep me sane in the process. I’m struggling with a lot of condemnation and not being able to just lay it in His hands and let Him take it. 

So first of all, precious mom, you’re not alone. All right? I think that part of what the enemy does, especially when it comes to fear and anxieties, he likes to make us feel like we’re alone. I have shared my struggle to overcome anxiety many times here at the podcast—and I am really joyfully coming up on my first anniversary, of the very first year of my life as an adult, and by adult I mean starting in my probably 20, age 20—of not being on any kind of anxiety medicine at all. This has come from a lot of prayer, a lot of working these things out with the Lord and being able to talk them out with my husband. And I told you guys a long time ago—I’m a huge believer in essential oils and accessing the things that God has given us. But I know that God wants His people to be free. He wants us to be free from our anxiety and our fear, and He wants us to make His power known in our lives as He works to take away the things that are troubling us. And at the core, I think anxiety can stem from—obviously it stems from trauma, right? 

And it can be any kind of trauma. And you know, sometimes people will say—well, your trauma doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Listen, you guys, suffering is a subjective. All right? So what is really upsetting to you may not be so upsetting to somebody else. Obviously a violent attack would be upsetting to anyone, but people suffer from anxiety and fear for lots of reasons besides just overcoming a traumatic event. And something that the Lord has really shown me, and I’m going to gently say this because sometimes we’re ready to hear it and sometimes we’re not—but this is the truth. I have come to believe that the anxiety in my life has stemmed from a lack of faith in the Lord. And as I walk through, really not so much the physical response to it, but just my realizing I am  being gripped by this—when we’re struggling with a lot of anxiety, really Jesus says it comes from having a little faith. And we want to overcome that. And so at its best, I think anxiety distracts us from our relationship with God and the truth that He really is the Lord of Heaven and earth, right? 

That’s Matthew 11:25. But at its worst, anxiety can cripple us. It’s like a disease and it can take over our minds and really mess with us. And for me, I mean—I lived with this constant knot in my stomach. My heart would race, I could not sleep. And the Bible teaches us in Philippians 4 not to be anxious about anything, right? He says in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And then He says—The peace of God which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. [Philippians 4:6-7]

Notice he doesn’t say that it might. He says that it will. I also love that the Apostle Paul said—it will guard. God is recognizing that our minds are under attack and they are under attack in the culture in every way right now in the topic of male and female. In the fact that we are the most fear riddled and the most anxiety driven culture in recent history. And God is saying—I will guard your heart and your mind in Christ. And so the instructions don’t stop there because the chapter goes on to tell believers exactly what to focus on. And it’s not fear. It’s not what happened to us in our past. It’s not illness, it’s not fear of our kids getting sick or evil or any of that. Instead, he goes on to say in verse eight of Philippians 4—whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things, what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Practice these things and the peace of God will be with you. 

So the first step to getting free from anxiety is to give your life to Jesus. And then once you’ve done that, we have to fix our thoughts on Him. And so when you realize that you’re struggling with anxiety, or you can’t sleep or whatever, one of the things I love to do, and this has worked for me over the years—is to turn on the praise music. I will crank it up. I can’t think about the thing that’s hurting me or bothering me if I am praising the Lord, because fear is a tool that the Devil uses, right? He’s trying to make you miserable. He’s trying to destroy your life. He knows that it can seep in there and cripple you. It can become crippling. And I think, that frankly, he’s using it to manipulate the people, the children of God, and keep us from enjoying the abundant life. Right? 

We talked about this with Phil the other day, that the enemy of our soul comes to steal and kill and destroy. But Jesus said—I have come that you might have life and have it to the full. So fear begins with a thought. Proverbs 23:7 tells us that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And so where are your mind goes? You follow up. And so you got to find freedom in meditating on the Word of God and in thinking about what God says to think about. And then when you realize you’re struggling with your identity in Christ, when you realize that you’re struggling with fear instead of slipping in the condemnation, which is another trick of the enemy—you say: nope, this is not who I am in Christ. I know who I am. 

And then go back to whatever is pure, whatever is right. Remember that whatever Jesus is, we are too. So if He’s strong—in Him we are strong. If He’s courageous—in Him we are courageous. That’s the verse I read this morning from 2 Corinthians 3 which is our Scripture Writing Challenge verse for today it says—because we have this hope, we are bold. Because Jesus is peace and joy we can have peace and joy. He is capable and bold and so in Christ we can do whatever we need to do with boldness because it comes from the Lord. So rather than take on the condemnation that is coming at you from the enemy of your soul who says—this is just your lot in life. I want to just encourage you—you can trust the Lord. He is in the business of healing you. He wants to heal you. You can trust him to heal scars of physical and sexual abuse. This is God. He is in the business of healing. In 2 Peter 1:3 it says—His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence. 

And I am learning that everything that I need to follow the Lord in my life, and to grow in the grace and the boldness that He wants to give me, that abundant life comes from abiding in His presence and in the Word of God. And so rather than focus on yourself, focus on the Lord. Rather than gaze inward, gaze upward because when we’re looking at ourselves—that’s all we can see. But when we’re looking at Christ and recognizing Him for the One who has loved us so completely—it really is life changing. All right? Your scars are going to be there your whole life, but God wants to give you healing and He has sent His Son so that you would be free. And that freedom is available to you. So thanks for writing in, crank up the worship music and remember who you are in Christ. All right? This is God’s heart for you. 

Oh, so the next question, and I’ve got a lot of questions here at the podcast and sometimes I feel like, you know—I’m not doing a very good job of answering them because there are so many and I only have a few minutes. But the next question comes from a mom who’s saying—Dear Heidi, I’m hoping for you to address how we as Christians should address the crisis at the border and illegal immigration. In my conversations, I believe this is one of the most controversial topics in Christian circles. Natalie, you’re right. In a recent article I read about a girl who started a petition against Vice-President Pence speaking at Taylor University’s graduation. She petitions against him because of his alignment to President Trump’s policies regarding the treatment of refugees and illegal aliens. How do we respectfully bridge the gap with people who are Christians yet lack discernment? The immigration issue is a question I struggle with as I know we are called to bring the Gospel to all people. 

You’re absolutely right. We are called to bring the Gospel to all people, but we are also called to obey the law. We are called to obey the law as Christians. And this is very clear in the Bible. Romans 13: 1-2 says—obey the government for God is the one who has put it there. There is no government anywhere that God has not placed in power. So those who refuse to obey the law of the land are refusing to obey God—and punishment will follow. So the only reason that we would disobey the law of the land is if it goes against the law of God. And having borders and national security does not go against God’s law. Abortion on the other hand, taken an innocent human life—that does go against God’s law. And I have witnessed over the last couple of years now vitriolic accusations, lying, name calling, and hatred directed toward our president. And regardless of which side you guys are on, the election is over. And we have a president and God speaks to how we should be treating our elected officials. And so I just want to encourage you. 

To me the immigration, the border, the issue of the border, and this idea that the liberal progresses in this country are pushing for open borders is ridiculous. I care about national sovereignty. Everyone who’s listening to this should care. There’s a way to care for immigrants and still follow the law. And so as we digest this verse about following the law, the only time—remember I said that we are to disobey a law is if it’s morally wrong, not in our opinion, but in God’s opinion. So in other words, we’re supposed to be good citizens and we want to do everything we can to obey the laws and to protect our country. Someone was talking about the wall the other day and I was like—good grief. If you don’t think that God cares about the sovereignty of nations, go in and look at the directions he gave to Nehemiah to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem.

I don’t have any quarrel with the president trying to keep our nation safe. I have quarrels with other things, but not with that. And frankly, I’m beside myself at what’s happening in our country where we no longer care about national sovereignty. And I think frankly—it’s pandering for votes. So to me there’s a way for us to love refugees. We should absolutely love people, but you don’t—just like with our children, if my child breaks the law, my love for my child will compel me to say—no, you’ve got to make that right. Like—I love you and I appreciate that you’re hungry, but you don’t get to go and steal food from Safeway. Like, that’s not how we handle it. And so I think while we’re coming up, I think immigration reform is a really good idea. We’ve got to respect the laws of our nation and to me that’s something that Christians should be able to get on board with. 

All right, you guys, I am out of time today. It’s a 21 minutes into the show and I’m technically supposed to just have 20 so I want to say thanks for listening. Please keep those questions coming. I really appreciate hearing from you. As always, I want to turn your heart and your attention back to the Word of God. Study it to show yourself an approved workman who does not need to be ashamed, who rightly divides the Word of truth. If you want to do that with us, you can join me at MomStrongInternational.com. 

I also want to give a big shout out to our sponsor today and I know that summer is finally here. Amen. Amen. Amen. But for those of you who are thinking about fall curriculum and fall classes, we are excited because here at the podcast we have partnered with The Kingdom Code and you guys, I gotta tell you—they have an awesome course for students ages nine to 13 that I think you are going to love. 

The Kingdom Code provides parents with easy to follow lessons that include a separate teacher’s guide, worksheets, assessments, flashcards, activities, extra bonus activities, and a system to reward your kids as they progress through the lessons. The course is for families, not just for homeschoolers, and The Kingdom Code;s goal is to empower Christian students with life lessons that will empower them to be the leaders in whatever profession they choose. So if you guys want more information, visit TheKingdomCode.com/Heidi and you guys will get a coupon for free samples and 10% off your entire purchase. So remember, it’s that TheKingdomCode.com/Heidi. 

Have a great Monday everybody. And I’ll see you back here for the first day of our July study on Wednesday. 

 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Reaching the Heart of Your Child with Kathy Koch — 785

Are you struggling with attitudes at your home? Do you wonder how to pass on your values to your kids? Join me as I talk about parenting in today’s culture with one of my favorite guests, Dr. Kathy Koch. You will be encouraged!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Romans 7:4

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Dr. Kathy Koch (cook) is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., based in Fort Worth, TX, and a co-founder of Ignite the Family, based in Alpharetta, GA. She has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in 30 countries through keynote messages, seminars, chapels, and other events. She is proud to be represented by the Ambassadors Speakers Bureau of Nashville, TN. She is a featured speaker for the Great Homeschool Conventions and a regular presenter for Care Net, Summit Ministries, Axis, and other organizations. She speaks regularly at schools, churches, and pregnancy resource centers.

She is also a popular guest on Focus on the Family radio and other radio talk-shows. Because of listeners’ reactions and feedback, her broadcasts about the 8 great smarts made the top ten shows of the year on Focus on the Family in both 2014 and 2016. Kirk Cameron chose her as the technology expert to interview in his 2018 movie, Connect: Real Help for Parenting Kids in a Social Media World. She has authored six books including Screens and Teens and 8 Great Smarts. Her newest book, Start with the Heart: How to Motivate Your Kids to Be Compassionate, Responsible, and Brave (even when you’re not around) was published by Moody in March.

Dr. Kathy’s practical, relevant, and results-oriented concepts and engaging, honoring, and humorous speaking style draw enthusiastic raves from children, teens, parents, and educators. They leave her events armed with new beliefs, attitudes, practical tools, and increased hope to build healthy relationships and increase success in family, life, and school.

Dr. Kathy earned a Ph.D. in reading and educational psychology from Purdue University. She was a tenured associate professor of education at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, a teacher of second graders, a middle school coach, and a school board member before becoming a full-time conference and keynote speaker in 1991. She has loved Jesus for years and her faith and desire to serve and glorify God is the foundation of her ministry.

Connect with Dr. Kathy Koch: Book | Celebrate Kids, In.  | Facebook | Instagram


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

This episode is brought to you by our friends at The Kingdom Code.

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Friday, June 28th this is episode number 785 of the Heidi St. John podcast, brought to you by The Kingdom Code. I am thrilled today because my good friend Dr. Kathy Koch is on the podcast with me today. We’re going to be equipping parents and we’re going to encourage you with regard to how to train your children in righteousness so they can be a light in the culture. You guys are gonna love this show. 

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so it’s Friday the 28th of June. Thanks for tuning in today. I am thrilled because this podcast sponsor is The Kingdom Code. And I know that summer is finally here—moment of silence. Can I get an amen? And for those of you homeschool moms that are just, you got to get to less than 180, just cut it out. Just go ahead and stop. Take a break. It’s okay. And I know a lot of you are already thinking about fall classes and curriculum. And here at the podcast we are proud because we able to sponsor with The Kingdom Code. And you guys, I gotta tell you, they have an outstanding course for students ages nine to 13 that I know you’re going to love. So you’re like, what’s The Kingdom Code? Well, The Kingdom Code provides parents with easy to follow lessons that include a separate teacher’s guide, worksheets, assessments, flashcards, activities, bonus activities, and a system that will reward your kids as they progress through the lessons.

And so, the course is designed for students with varied interests, and talents, and learning styles—and can be used by everybody, not just homeschoolers. So you guys check it out. The Kingdom Code’s goal is to empower Christian students with life lessons that’s going to help them become the leaders in whatever area of influence God directs them. So go ahead and check it out. Visit TheKingdomCode.com/Heidi to receive a coupon for a free samples and 10% off of your entire purchase. Remember it’s TheKingdomCode.com/Heidi. 

All right, I’m excited today because my friend Kathy Koch is on the show with me and Kathy is a remarkable human being. I met her several years ago out on the circuit and immediately just fell in love with her. I love her heart for people. I love her heart to help equip parents. And she’s not just a person who talks about this, Kathy is a popular guest on Focus on the Family Radio and other talk shows. She has got incredible insight, very practical, very relevant encouragement for parents that’s going to help you raise your kids to love and follow Jesus. Dr. Kathy Koch. I’m so honored to have you. Welcome back to the show. 

[Kathy] Thank you so much, Heidi. It is so great to be with you. Appreciate all those kind comments. 

[Heidi] So a little bird tells me that today’s your birthday.

[Kathy] It is. Isn’t that fun!?

[Heidi] This is so exciting. I get to spend your birthday with you. I thank you for the privilege. This is so much fun. Happy Birthday!

[Kathy] Oh thank you. It’s just, you know,  every year is just a blessing isn’t it? I’m so privileged to be alive and privileged to do what I do and surrounded by great people. So it will be a joyous day and I believe it will be a good year.

[Heidi] Yes. Well I’m excited. Well God is really using you. I’ve been watching you, you know, out on the circuit. I haven’t seen you as much this year because I feel like you and I are kind of on different tracts this season. It’s just been such a thrill for me to watch you on your Facebook page, and watch you working with Kirk Cameron, and Focused on the Family, and some of my other friends that are really making an impact and helping parents direct their children in kind of an upside down world. 

You’ve got a brand new book out called Start with the Heart, which I was privileged to endorse. And so I want to talk to you a little bit about that today. But I want to direct our conversation to helping parents who are writing. And you and I were talking about this before the show aired, just that, a lot of parents are feeling frustration and even fear in the culture right now. Are you are interacting with parents as you’re out on the road and speaking, that are struggling to raise their kids in the culture right now?

[Kathy] Oh, absolutely Heidi. And, you know, so frustrated. I was just in a large homeschool conference again, and many of them were like—you know, what are we doing wrong that our youngest kids are so much harder to raise? You know, we thought by the time we got to the fourth, fifth, sixth kid, this would be a dream. And, you know, they’re not doing anything wrong and the kids aren’t bad kids. There are just louder, more confusing messages and we can’t raise our kids in a bubble. You know, we can’t put them in a cage and not let them be exposed to what’s out there. That would be inappropriate and really impossible because those messages are so loud and confusing. So it is hard, you know, we don’t need to be reacting with fear, that’d be inappropriate. And we do need to be on our guard. I love what you do through your podcast, and through your social media presence, and through your books because your equipping people to fight the fight, you know—we can’t give up and give in and throw our hands up and and just twiddle our thumbs. We got to be active.

[Heidi] Yeah, that’s exactly right. And you have had a tremendous success in talking first about social media and trying to help parents, you know, raising their kids in an in a digital age. I loved what you did with Kirk Cameron. And when you’re talking to parents and you’re saying—don’t respond in fear. The opposite of fear of course, is faith. How does a parent…how can we be assured? How can we train our kids and sort of inoculate them against the messages that are coming out and telling them they can be 15 genders and that their parents aren’t the final authority, and there is no God. We were talking about socialism on the show a couple of days ago and saying that socialism can’t exist without the premise that there is no god. But Christians, we tell our kids that’s the foundation, right? So where do parents start right now, Kathy, if they want to really reach the heart of their kids?

[Kathy] You know, we need to be in the Word of God, right? Not just so that we find a golden nugget to teach a child, but so that we are encouraged, and strong, and built up, and that we’re aware of God’s power in us and the Holy Spirit’s influence, you know, within us. So that we then, with integrity, you know, can talk to our kids about—God is our strength and He is our authority. And you know, kids tell me all the time—I don’t see my parents turn to God. And one of my greatest challenges, Heidi, is for parents to be in the Word and to wrestle with it while their kids are awake and in their home. A lot of parents tell me that they do their most heavy lifting of the Scripture while their kids are either in school or in bed—and praise God that those parents are in the Word of God.

But if their kids never see them in the Word of God, except for Sunday morning, Wednesday night, if you will, you know—then it doesn’t look like he is the one we turn to in a time of need. And what about our prayer life? Do we pray only at bedtime and meals? Do our kids see us praise spontaneously in the moment, because we have a decision to make? When we find out that there’s something wrong with a neighbor, do we pray instantly for God to reveal Himself to them and for healing to take place? If we don’t turn to God with just that joyful integrity, if you will—then why would our kids?

[Heidi] No, that’s exactly right. And we’re always saying at the podcast—you can’t pass on what you don’t possess. And so if we want our kids to walk in right relationship with the Lord…I love that you’re saying, you know—why have we relegated prayer to the dinner table? Why have we relegated prayer to church? You know, we go and we worship at church. Why are we not worshiping in our homes? And it actually makes a huge difference. I was noting a study by Barna, I was speaking in Denver a couple of days ago and I noticed Barna has a new study out and he’s talking about the difference between engaged kids—so engaged Christians and Christians who just grow up in a Christian home. There’s a big difference, right? So our kids can grow up in a Christian home and never actually be engaged in Christianity by their parents.

And what’s astonishing is that upwards of 70% of these kids will stay in the faith. A lot of parents are saying—how can I pass on my worldview? And you’re exactly right—start with the heart. That’s where you’re saying it actually starts. So what do you mean by that? When a parent comes to you and says—boy, you know, Dr. Kathy I hear what you’re saying. And I am the parent who is just reading, you know, we read the Scriptures at dinnertime, and we pray before meals. But that’s kind of about it. And you’re saying it’s deeper than that. It’s bigger than that. It starts with the heart. You make an excellent case for the responsibility of parents to train up the hearts of their kids. Give us a little bit of a taste of what you’re talking about.

[Kathy] Yeah, I think that we need to be more concerned about working with God to transform a child’s heart toward obedience and the things that are right, than we need to be concerned about changing their behavior. We can manage their behavior, but then we have to be there and we have to have a carrot on a stick or the threat of a punishment…and they’ll only know if they’re “good or bad” if we’re there to tell them. We need to be raising up our children so that even when we are not around, they are able to make wise decisions, and healthy choices, and to choose righteousness over sin. And that happens when we transformed their heart toward the things of the Lord—which again is done in the Word, in worship, in prayer, in service, and through the relationship that we have.

You know the old fashioned saying that—they don’t care what we think unless they know that we care. So how does that show up? You know, do we know them? Kids tell me…I wonder Heidi, if you’ve ever heard a kid tell you this…but kids have said—you know, Dr. Kathy, my parents have to love me. They don’t have a choice, but I wish they liked me. 

[Heidi]Wow. 

[Kathy] You know, so yeah. You know, do you play games with them? Do you put your devices down? Do go for a walk, even though you’re tired too? Do you teach them on a new play, a new game? Do you color with your daughter? Are you willing to, you know, shoot a football in the yard with your son, even if it’s hot outside because he matters to you? And when you relay it in those good times, of course, it makes the bad times easier to take. It’s also true that when you relate it in a variety of ways, then they care more about the things that you care about—and you increase your credibility when talking about joy versus happiness, as an example, if you’ve lived that out with your kids.

[Heidi] Yeah, it’s exactly right. And when you say put your device down—I just heard a collective eye roll across the web right now. What does that look like? Put your device down.

[Kathy] You know, it’s not easy—let’s first go there. We’re addicted and you know, the phone is the motto. You know the phone is the modern jack-knife—my dad never went anywhere without a jack-knife. Our phone today is our address book, is our calculator, our dictionary, our alarm clock, our alerts, our to do lists. It’s everything. And that’s fine, unless it becomes our everything. And that’s not at all appropriate. We’re created for an abundant life and I think the phone gets in the way. So putting it down means exactly that. You leave it in another room when you play a game with your kid or you put it on silencer. And I think one of the things that we can teach our children is the difference between need and want. So I would have a policy for instance. So no digital devices at any table when we’re eating a meal—Grandma’s house, your house, restaurant. No, no devices out at all. With the exception of maybe your daughter could get a phone call for a last minute babysitting job. She’s been alerted by the neighbor—Hey, I might need you tonight. And so she has your permission to leave her phone on next to her at the table. 

Maybe you or your husband, your wife, has a potential for a business trip at the last minute to take the place of someone who’s ill. You have a right to your phone in case you get that last minute alert to pack a suitcase and head to the airport. So let’s teach our kids the difference between need and want. And I think that is super healthy and that’s where we ought to respond, I think, to all of life.

[Heidi] Yeah, that’s right. And you’re saying to the parents—listen, we have to practice discernment so you can’t make this just a hard and fast rule. I love that you’re teaching parents to say—hey you got to be aware of what’s going on in the life of your child. And if you’re aware of what’s going on in your own life and your own art and you’re saying—Hey, I’m going to have…like maybe we explained to our kids—normally I wouldn’t have my phone at the table but I’m expecting a really important phone call and I can’t miss it. And so you explain—that’s why it’s sitting here, I’ll only pick it up if it’s that phone call. So that when their turn comes they trust you to make that right and that wise decision regarding their use of their devices, right?

[Kathy] Oh, absolutely. And you know what, Heidi, it’s so much related to what you and I believe in, and that is that children have value. Every child, every person was created by the intentional God in annuity was doing. He wanted your children created now, He wanted them to be your children. And this is perfect. This is a beautiful design. And if our kids don’t believe that they matter, then nothing matters. Nothing. We feel our advice falls on deaf ears, our input about their life choices—all of that becomes really very unnecessary to them because the filter is: wait a second, I don’t matter. So how do kids know they matter? Well, it is what we, what we spend our time on. You know eye-contact, the hug, you know, all of that. So important.

[Heidi] Yeah, it is so important. In your book, you write—that beliefs—I thought this was so interesting: that beliefs cause behavior. I think a lot of parents are dealing with, they’re struggling with issues with their kids—whether it’s disobedience, or disrespect, or whatever it is. And you’ve laid out a really good case for it saying that you think beliefs cause behavior. And so as you unpack that for listeners a little bit, what are some components of a child’s behavior, if a child’s changing behavior. In other words, help the parents understand. Because what we really want to know is can we create a desire to change in a child or not?

[Kathy] Yeah. Good question. Can we? Absolutely. And that’s, boy—that would be a whole other 20 minutes. But I love that you’re bringing this out because beliefs do cause behavior. You know, the collective eye roll when we said, you know, put the devices down. No one’s eyes roll by themselves.

[Heidi] Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. 

[Kathy] Yeah. You have to make a choice to roll your eyes. So I tell parents I can get any kid who rolls his eyes at you to stop rolling his eyes at you. That’s not hard. But that doesn’t mean he’s changed his opinion of you. It just means he no longer wants you to know that he’s disrespecting you. So beliefs cause behavior. We’ve got to go believe that below the external obvious, you know, argumentative behavior, the roll of the eye, the slam of the door, the pods in the ear even though we’re trying to talk to them— we need to ask why. You know, what’s going on there? Why do they disrespect? Have we been unloving? Have we not forgiven? Have we not had any integrity? Are we not consistent? Are we playing favorites…even though we say we’re not, are we really possibly putting a kid ahead other kids from their perspective, right? Which is what matters, right? Not Ours. And if we can determine, you know, why they might be struggling, then that’s what we talk about. 

We don’t talk about the behavior. We talk about what’s going on underneath that. And you know what, Heidi? Kids love to talk in the dark because they say to me all the time—I don’t want to look at mom’s eyes when I heard her heart. When I say something that’s going to be hard for my dad to hear, I really don’t want to look into his eyes. They like talking in the car also because we’re captured, so are they, you can’t run from a hard conversation if you’re going down the highway. And kids say3you know, my dad can’t look at me when he’s driving. So it’s easier for me to be honest. So sometimes, you know, if you feel like your kids aren’t sharing the underlying issue of the heart—then go for a drive, go walk the aisles of a Home Depot, or a Hobby Lobby if you will. And you know, be looking for stuff. But wow, watch the conversation take place there and ask your kids about the why. What’s the why behind the what? Why are you doing? Why are you believing that? Why do you think that’s true? And listen longer. Listen longer. Keeping your mouth shut, which is so hard.

[Heidi] It’s so hard. I don’t even think I’m not good at it. I’ll be honest. You need to come stay with me for a couple of weeks. You can be like the new Supernanny. 

[Kathy] Yea, people have asked me about that.

[Heidi] I bet!

[Kathy] So the joke is you couldn’t afford me. But, you know what? You know what Heidi? Those of us with opinions, you know, praise God that you have truth in your soul. Those of us who know the truth, and know what is right over wrong, and have strong beliefs about who we want our children to become—we do have a harder time being quiet and I praise God that we have truth and know it. That’s so much healthier than the people who have nothing to say, therefore keeping their mouth shut is easy. 

If kids know that you parent by faith, and grace, and truth—and they know that you know what you know—they may even be more reticent to share with you because the lecture is always coming. So we do need to pray that God would inspire us to listen within an intent to understand. I talk about this in the book—listen for your turn to talk. You listen to try to get to know what’s really going on so that you can attack the correct misbelief, and have all of your conversations be much more efficient.

[Heidi] Man Kathy, can you slow down? I’m trying to take notes on all this stuff so I can be a better mother. I’m not writing fast enough. I love that you said that. You know, and I’ve said this to you—I wrote this in Becoming MomStrong, right? The goal of listening is understanding. And I love that you just said it even better. The goal is not waiting so that you know—listening for a minute so that you can get your next point in. I think people like me, and you’re totally right—like usually when someone talks to me within 15 seconds I’m like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, back up. You know? I can do that with my kids and we need to be so, so careful. Kathy, I wonder if for just a minute, if you—I want to take in a little bit of a different direction and talk to the parent who’s been parenting passively.

And by passive, I mean that we bought into the lie that we are our kids’ friends when they’re growing up. And we really, we just want our kids to—we want our kids to love us above everything else. You know, I don’t want to upset them. We’re passive in our discipline. Maybe not passive in kind of giving them what they want, but passive to the point where we don’t cause any kind of pain. And this is really what the Bible says of King David—that he didn’t love his kids to the point where he would not discipline them. Not even by saying—why are you doing that? And as a result, his family tree ended up in chaos. And so, can you speak to the mom or the dad who’s listening to this, and they realize—whether it’s in education or with their watching their children choose bad friendships—and the parent has chosen not to get involved, not to intervene. What can you say to that parent?

[Kathy] First of all, I have compassion for you. Parenting has never been easy and it sure isn’t easy now. Yet I would say with respect that your children are not supposed to be meeting your need for solid belonging and healthy relationships. That’s something that we ought to be doing with adults. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with your kids, but as I write about in this boo—parent so that when they’re 25, they want to be your friend. Don’t parent so that they will be your friend today. Be brave and courageous. You know, the theme of your ministry, Heidi, be willing to let them be angry with you because you have put right over wrong and you’re thinking big picture. You’re thinking—if I give into this now, you know, what’s the future hold? You have to, as a parent, be thinking long term.

Let your no be no your yes be yes. Stop saying maybe, so I have compassion. Apologize if necessary. You know, if you believe that you’ve been a bit passive, maybe you’ve been fearful, maybe you haven’t known the truth yourself and you’re listening to engage—and praise God for that, I love your humility. Apologize. Your being vulnerable will strengthen your focus with your kids. It won’t waken it. And just look them in the eye. Especially the firstborn—hey, you’re a guinea pig, you’ve known, you’ve always been our guinea pig child and we’ve made some mistakes and we love you too much to allow this to continue. We’re going to break the pattern, or I’m going to break the pattern. We’re going to have a clean start here. I love you too much to allow it to continue in your heart—it’s just too important to me to argue with you. We’re going to start something new and here, let’s talk about what that might look like. And engage with them if they’re old enough, you know, to participate with you and be in the Word, be in prayer—maybe get some accountability from someone local who can look you in the eye and walk with you. Don’t give up, don’t give in—your kids mattered too much.

[Heidi] It’s so good. I love your heart. I love your heart for parents. I love your heart to see healthy families, which we are absolutely struggling to raise in the culture right now. And I just wanted to say thank you. Happy Birthday, girlfriend. I hope you have a fantastic, fantastic day.

[Kathy] Thank you Heidi. It has started out well with you. I really appreciate your support for what we are all about here at Celebrate Kids. Thank you.

[Heidi] You’re very welcome. If you guys want more information about Dr. Kathy Koch, her ministry, Celebrate Kids, her brand new book, Start with the Heart—I wanted to let you guys know I was privileged, I think I said this earlier, I was privileged to endorse her book and I just want it to read the endorsement to you because, you need to go out and get this book.

In an age when parents are being challenged to take a back seat to the culture, struggling with opposing ideologies and an ever-changing social landscape, Dr. Kathy Koch is a much needed voice of reassurance, biblical wisdom, and strength. How do we reach the heart of our kids? How do I help my child find his identity and purpose? How do I transition with my child into the teen years successfully? The answer, of course, lies in the heart. When giving up is easier, Dr. Kathy gently reminds us why we must never give up. Parenting is faith work at every stage, but with a little help from Kathy, you will gain confidence and a confident identity as a parent. Start with the Heart is a must-read book for every parent!

I absolutely believe this is true and I hope you guys will go out and get it. 

For more information on Dr. Kathy and her ministry, just head on over to the show notes today. I will link it back to every possible link I can think of for Dr. Kathy today at the podcast. 

Also want to remind you, we are starting a brand spanking new Bible study at MomStrong International. You guys are going to be stoked. We’re going to be talking about how to engage your kids in the culture for this next month as we continue our study on the fruit of the Spirit. For more information on that, visit me online at momstronginternational.com. 

Thanks for tuning in and everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Monday. 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control | MomStrong International Week 4/4 – 784

Do you struggle with self-control? You’re not alone! Join me today as we dig into week four of our June study on the Fruit of the Spirit. You don’t have to live with anger—God sent His son to set you free!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Colossians 1:9-10

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Scripture Mentioned in Podcast

  • Galatians 5:16-18
  • Romans 8:13
  • Job 30:16-19
  • Isaiah 53:4-6
  • Jeremiah 15:18-19
  • 2 Cornithians 5:19

Join us at MomStrong International for our Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St John, welcome to the podcast. Today is Wednesday, June 26—this is episode number 784. This is the day we focus on all things MomStrong International. Today we’re going to be talking a little bit about the fruit of the Spirit that gives us freedom from anger.

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right. So thanks for tuning in everybody today. I am really thrilled that you’re here. We are in the middle of a very busy summer here at the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center. If you haven’t had a chance to check that out yet, you’re definitely gonna want to do it. We are just gearing up for an incredible fall and I am excited because we’re seeing lots and lots of parents pulling their kids out of public school. And listen, if you’re anywhere in the Portland, Vancouver Metropolitan Area—or even out in the sticks—come on over. You can check out what we’re doing and we can help you take your children out of school and teach you basically what it takes to homeschool your kids. There are a couple of parent qualifying courses coming up and we can direct you over to them.

So come on out to the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center. We are here typically in the summertime Monday through Thursday. I actually record at the center. So if you’re interested in joining our very small studio audience, you can come out on Wednesdays—and I record. Speaking of the podcast and the studio audience, you guys, I hope you enjoyed Dr. Duke Pesta (Part 1 and Part 2) that. It was a fantastic interview. Tomorrow I’m going to be interviewing my friend Dr. Kathy Koch and she will be on the show with me on Friday. We’re going to be talking about how you can raise self-confident, biblically grounded kids in the culture right now. And man, if there was ever a time for that, that time is definitely now. For those of you who are doing the Scripture Writing Challenge with me, today’s verse is found in Colossians 1:9-10 so I’m going to read it for you.

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; [Colossians 1:9-10]

That’s really what we want for our kids. That’s definitely what we are shooting for at MomStrong International. If you haven’t joined us at MomStrong International yet, this is a great time to do it. The Scripture Writing Challenge community over there now has topped 12,000. And so we are thrilled to see so many of you joining us to write out God’s Word every month. Did you know that we have copywork over there for your kids, and it’s also available now in Spanish? So check it out! If you’ve got friends who Spanish is their first language, or maybe they’re trying to learn Spanish—Scripture Writing Challenge is a great way to do that. You can sign up for that. It’s a doesn’t cost you anything and that is over at MomStrongInternational.com. 

I want to let you guys know where I’m going to be—lots of stuff coming up on my calendar. First of all, right now we are at the and the very beginning of a class I am doing on everyday oils. Basically how to use essential oils. You can check that out HeidiStJohn.com/oils. On July 2nd I’m speaking for the Slavic Action Summit and I’m really looking forward to that. If you’ve never been to a conference where I have been speaking, I think it’s hard to really explain them, but I love speaking in front of live audiences and the Lord’s been given me lots of opportunities to do it.

I will be speaking for the California Home Educators Association July 11th through the 13th and then the very next weekend I will be speaking for AFHE the 18th through the 20th in Phoenix, Arizona. So if you’re in any of those places, check it out, I will link back to those things in the show notes today. 

All right, so right now we are coming up on our very last week of the study for June. And so since this is the 26th of June, we’re on the last week. We’ve been studying the fruits of the Spirit. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about freedom from anger and the fruit of the Spirit that offers that freedom is self-control. Galatians 5:16-18 says—16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17 For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

Let’s go ahead and open up this podcast in prayer. 

Lord Jesus, I thank you for the opportunity that you give me three times a week to come and bring a word of encouragement that’s based in the wisdom of Your Word, the Bible. Lord, as we talk a little bit about the fruit of the Spirit that is self-control today, I pray that you would just encourage us all we’re ever, we are in our walk with you, that you don’t want us to stay where you found us. You want us to grow in respect to salvation and in the knowledge of Your Word. Father, I pray for every person that’s listening to this who is struggling with anger and has not experienced the fruit of the Spirit that is self-control. Lord, would you show us what that looks like? Help us Father, to walk in right relationship with you, that our lives would give You glory and that we would be living, breathing testimonies of the gospel and the grace of Jesus. We love You. We invite you into everything that we’re doing. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

All right, so as I’m out on the road this summer, I am meeting an awful lot of guys who were saying—Hey Heidi, could you please give a shout out to the men who are listening to this? And so I want to take just a second and do that because I know as we talk about anger, sometimes the men that I’m talking to on the road, one of the reasons we focused on it is because people ask me all the time—hey, could you talk a little bit about this? And we experienced anger for a lots of different reasons. And God wants us to be free from it. So if you’re a guy who’s listening to this today and you’re like—oh my goodness, that’s me— can I just encourage you? A: You’re not alone. And B: God wants you to be free. He wants you to be free. And I know that the MomStrong International is a women’s study and we say—oh, hey, no guys allowed. But honestly, God’s Word is for everyone. God’s Word is for all of us. We are supposed to be walking in right relationship with Him and encouraging others to do the same. And the Greek Word for self-control includes especially continence, and this is something that maybe the guys won’t understand, but the women will totally get it—especially the women who have had children. Can I have a moment of silence for our absolute avoidance of things like trampolines, right? Laughing—if you’ve given up laughing altogether, I totally understand. But if you’ve had kids in you’re older than 47, chances are pretty good that at some point in your life you’ve experienced a little bit of a critical failure in your lower half. So we could swap stories—which we won’t do on the podcast today. You’re welcome. 

But the Greek word for self-control includes especially especially continence and temperance, right? And that’s just funny. So the next time a situation arises where self-control is needed and your Spirit is thinking that your way is better—pay attention, because if you drive past a trampoline or you start laughing uncontrollably, take the Spirits hint and exert self-control. Interestingly, a biblical self-control is actually Spirit-fed self-control.

These are the heart attitudes that are peace and patience and self control, and they inner weave to bring the fullest development of each one. So it’s like a tapestry, right? The front is this beautiful picture, but if you turn it on over and look at the back, it’s criss-cross and a mish-mash of all colors in all directions. Aristotle said—I count him braver who overcomes his desires than he who conquers his enemies for the hardest victory is the victory over self. And Jesus understood that. Jesus understood how important it was for us to get a grip on our own fleshly desires, right? The Bible teaches us that the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is what? It’s weak. And so I want you guys to understand this. it is important—because the enemy would want us to believe that this fruit is something that we need to attain by our own work, like this idea of self-control. 

But Paul states very clearly in Romans 8:13—for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. So God’s telling us—you can’t do this on your own. I want to help you do it. And God will do that. And so what the Apostle Paul is teaching us to do, really, is to deny ourselves, to take up our cross, and follow God. And you guys, there is freedom in it. There is freedom. And so for those of you who are tracking along with me in week four, I am actually on page 63. So it’s quite a way down in the study. And one of the things that we started with was talking about Lou Priolo, out of his book The Heart of Anger, he describes a five step process by which rebellion takes root.

So it starts this way. First step is someone gets wounded—and you can get wounded from a real or a perceived offense, right? Or oftentimes we get wounded and the person that wounded us is like—what are you talking about? I didn’t do that on purpose. I certainly didn’t mean to do that. That was an accident, or whatever. Or maybe we misunderstood something and we choose to be offended. And the hurt is the seed that grows into the root of bitterness. And then bitterness grows if the wounded person does not respond biblically to the hurt by either A: forgiving, B: overlooking or, C: recognizing the offense was not wrong. In other words, it should have been something that they shouldn’t have been offended by in the first place. I want to take a look at the second part of this though—this wounded person who doesn’t respond biblically. It’s easy to see how we can respond by not forgiving, right? That’s a no brainer. 

But oftentimes we choose not to overlook something and we should overlook it, right? There are things that, you know—somebody will say something to us that hurts our feelings or they’ll leave a snarky comment on social media or whatever it was. And we can allow that bitterness to come in or we can just go—Nah, I’m going to get over it. And really that’s what the Apostle Paul saying right in 2 Corinthians. And we need to, at some point, just be able to say—I’m over it. Let it go. Right? Can you just hear it—let it go, let it go. Right? Just let it go. And oftentimes you don’t want to let it go. We want to hang onto it, right? We talked about that last week. We hang onto our angry eyebrows like they used to do in veggie tales, and then bitterness begins to grow.  And anger that is habitual and deep in the heart—can take root after bitterness sets in. 

So this is not referring to a quick outburst, but rather a character based anger. In other words, we’re just pretty much just staying angry all the time. We live in a state of being offended. We cut people off, we’re rude, we can be disrespectful. And stubbornness then is the next thing. Stubbornness follows anger. And surprisingly, it is the immediate step before rebellion, right? And so in his book, Priolo gives the picture of a backsliding heifer pushing her front hooves into the ground to counteract her master who is trying to push or pull her forward. That’s stubbornness. And I think as parents oftentimes we don’t realize that. And my friend Kathy Koch, she’s coming on the show on Friday with me and we’ll be talking a little bit about what is behind this heart of anger, how can you help your children—and often it’s on the parent. They realized that their child is stubborn and we might deal with the stubbornness, but we’re not really getting to the root. We’re looking at the fruit. So stubbornness would be the fruit—and what’s the root? Anger is often the root. And so after stubbornness, often we find rebellion is the next step. And rebellion emerges when behavior characteristics have gone past the biblical definition of an angry man, and align with the biblical characteristics of a fool. The Bible teaches us that a companion of fools suffers harm. And so often as parents, we allow our children to hang out with kids that we know are a bad influence on them because we don’t have the wisdom, or we don’t have the push to make sure that we protect them—and we wind up with all manner of struggles with our kids.

And often it comes from those five steps I just talked to. And parents, we can actually put our kids in harm’s way and allow them to be wounded when we don’t pay attention to A: who they’re hanging out with, B: have we allowed them to work through, to really work through, the issues that they’re facing—because we’re all going to get wounded in this life, right? Wounding inevitably comes because we live here on the earth, right? And so what we want to do is train our hearts to long for peace and patience and self-control, to long to choose restraint other than allowing a seed of pain to germinate into bitterness in our heart. And so this month for the Bible study, we’re focusing a little bit…there’s several passages and I’ll list them to you here in a second.

But in Job 30:16-19, we see Job in a fair amount of pain. The dude had every reason to be upset, right? So many things had gone wrong. His kids were dead. All kinds of things that he was facing and struggling with. And yet, he doesn’t get chastised for crying out to God. And in fact—he lets his grief just be shown. It kind of goes into full blown grief mode. And it’s okay to grieve, you guys. If something’s going on in your life and you’re struggling through it—it’s okay to grieve. Job was grieving. 

So check this out. This is what he said in Job 30:16-19 —16 “And now my soul is poured out because of my plight; The days of affliction take hold of me. 17 My bones are pierced in me at night, And my gnawing pains take no rest. 18 By great force my garment is disfigured; It binds me about as the collar of my coat. 19 He has cast me into the mire, And I have become like dust and ashes. 

And here is Job just saying—what is going on? I am in so much pain. And I know a lot of you who are listening to this right now can relate to that. The Bible says it’s all right. We pour our hearts out before the Lord knowing that He cares about us, that He’s listening to us. 

This is Isaiah in Isaiah 53:4-6— Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. 6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. 

Jesus understands your grief, right? The Bible teaches us that He was a man of sorrows that was acquainted with grief—and it’s all right to grieve. And in your grieving remember that Jesus bore an inordinate amount of pain for us, and we want to say thank you. And so when we grieve, but we don’t give that to the Lord or we, instead of giving it that pain and that grief and that disappointment to the Lord—if we allow our attitudes to grow into bitterness a we need to own our part in that. Because the Lord has been through far worse than we had been through. He understands our sorrows. He was punished for our sin, and yet He knew no sin. And God is saying—if you’ll come to me, I can help you. I want to help you. God longs to give you freedom. 

In Jeremiah 15:18-19—here’s Jeremiah, absolutely in pain before the Lord, the Bible calls him the weeping prophet. He said: 18 Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail? So he’s asking Lord—when is enough enough? Why is this happening? Are you not going to come around? And the Lord answeres him in the very next verse. 19 Therefore thus says the Lord: “If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them.

Jeremiah was feeling a pain that was unceasing. He doubted that at any point that God was going to make it stop. And when God answers him in verse 19, He answers with a call to “extract the precious from the worthless”. And he saying: Jeremiah—reign in your thought patterns, reign in your incorrect thinking about me. And Jeremiah knew God loved him, right? But he needed to exercise self-control and take his thoughts captive. 

You are an ambassador for Christ. And I’m often saying that to women when I’m out speaking, and to men who come and talk to me. I think sometimes we forget that we are God’s ambassadors, as if God were making God appeal through us, right? And in verse 19 of 2 Corinthians 5, we read the Apostle Paul talking to the church in Corinth.

This sick church, right? That had been turned on its ear because of sin, right? And the Apostle Paul is pleading with them. He’s saying—listen, anyone who belongs to Christ as the new person, the old life is gone, the new has begun. This is a gift from God who brought us back to Himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to Him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself. No longer counting people’s sins against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. And here it is. So we are Christ’s ambassadors, as if God were making His appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead—come back to God, come back to God. You are Christ’s ambassadors, men and women. 

Stop what you’re doing for just a second.

Stop the laundry, stop the dishes. Quiet the water that’s coming out of the sink and listened to what it means to be an ambassador for Jesus. Does your life say I am a follower of Jesus? Does your life say—God has set me free? Because this life that we lead is not about us. It is about Him. 

Our culture flaunts sexual immorality, it flaunts a lack of self-control. 

Our culture is telling us that we can do whatever we want and be whatever we want. It wants us to cause other people to stumble, and I want to encourage you today as representatives of the Lord Jesus—let’s choose to honor Him in every area of our lives. This is a way that we can joyfully honor Him as we exercise self-control in our life because we are His ambassadors. Let’s be the best ambassadors because we love Him.

Remember, it’s not about us. It’s about Jesus. 

I want to say thanks to everybody for listening today. We so appreciate the reviews that you’re leaving for the podcast over at iTunes and we’re excited to see what’s coming up in the fall. I’ve got several Heidi St. John Conferences coming up. I’ll be in Lee’s Summit, Missouri and the early bird pricing for that ends really quick. So if you’re out anywhere near Lee Summit, Missouri, Kansas City, and Missouri, Kansas City, Kansas—I’m really excited to be there for a one day event. August 24th we’re going to be doing Miracle Worker, The Life Changing Power of Following Jesus. After that, my women’s conference will be in Fredericksburg, Virginia on September 14th and then in Vancouver, Washington on October 12th. These are all my women’s conference, and if you’ve got a daughter who’s, I’d say 14 years of age or older, and want to bring her—this is a great opportunity to do so. We spend all day talking about the Word of God and how to apply it to our lives and in the culture around us. I’m telling you what, it’s life changing. So check it out. You can find out more information about those events HeidiStJohn.com/events. 

Also you guys, I have asked those of you who have recently opened an account with my friends at Evangelical Christian Credit Union to let me know what you think. And today I want to share one of the testimonials that we received. Melissa from Maryland wrote in sharing this. Hello there. I love your podcast and I’m so encouraged by your ministry. Thanks Melissa. You asked for feedback on ECCU and I’m here to say that they are amazing. I homeschool and opened a Start Young account for both of my daughters. It was so easy. I was hesitant at first to bank with them simply because they are on the west coast and I am in Maryland. However, they made it easy. It only took about five minutes to apply for each account and within a day or two, the accounts were open and ready to use. All you need is your child’s social security number. It has been a great experience. Thank you for encouraging me to check them out. This will be a great tool for my girls as they grow up and learn about finances. 

So this is something that’s really important to us to over at the podcasts. You haven’t checked out our sponsor, Evangelical Christian Credit Union. I want to encourage you to do so and let us know how it’s working for you. Thanks for listening everybody, I’ll see you back here on Friday with my friend, Dr. Kathy Koch. 

Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Peace in an Age of Anxiety | MomStrong International Week 3/4 781

Our lack of peace is a cultural crisis—we truly live in the Age of Anxiety. Listen in today as I talk from personal experience about the peace of God and how the Apostle Paul says we find it. You don’t have to live in constant anxiety and fear—God sent His son to set you free!

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • Ephesians 4:1-3

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Scripture Mentioned in Podcast

  • 2 Corinthians 11:23-29
  • Philippians 4:11
  • Philippians 4:4-13

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St John. Thank you so much for joining me. Today is Wednesday, June 19th this is episode number 781. We’re going to be talking about week three from the MomStrong International Bible Study and I am calling this one: Peace in the Age of Anxiety.

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so if you’re not following me over at MomStrong International, I want to encourage you to do it. This is the time of the week, Wednesday, when I go through the Bible Study. And for the summertime we are studying the fruits of the Spirit—and just really trying to unpack what God’s heart was in giving us these fruits of the Spirit, these evidences that God is at work in us. And so, I hope you guys are digging in with me. Today is a great opportunity for you if you haven’t joined us yet. If you’ve not downloaded the study, if you haven’t joined MomStrong International beyond the Scripture Writing Challenge, summertime is a great time to do that because we don’t have….well I do because I’m writing a book and I’m traveling. Wait, am I going to get a break? I’m looking at my engineer—not in the foreseeable future.

Well, today is a really good opportunity for all of us to get into the Word of God regardless of how busy we are. The Bible teaches us that we need the Word of God. We need it. It’s a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. And also when you join MomStrong International. You can bring your kids into it with you. They can do the KidStrong section. There’s a Scripture Writing Challenge in cursive over at MomStrong International for the Bible Study section. And we would love to see you become a leader. You can lead an MSI study group in your church. You can lead one in your neighborhood, at your Homeschool Co-Op—I am just thrilled to see so many of you really wanting to study God’s Word. Timothy was instructed by Paul to study, to show himself approved unto God a workman who does not need to be ashamed, who can rightly divide the Word of truth.

And at MomStrong International that’s what our goal is—to help you prioritize the study of God’s Word, to learn it, to love in it, and then to lead with it. And so this is a great time. Visit me online MomStrongInternational.com and you can download this study today. I only have, you know, 15 minutes to go over week three with you, but the study goes much further and in depth than I will be able to do here. And it’s an opportunity for you to really dig into and unpack the truths of Scripture that help us in everyday life. So we really need them. So MomStrongInternational.com.

Wednesday is my day to just say—hey you guys, are you studying the Word with us yet? So if you’re not yet get into it, summertime is a great time to do at MomStrongInternational.com.

All right, this is a really awesome week. We’re studying peace, right? We’re on week three now. We’ve been studying the fruits of the Spirit. We talked about anger, and today we’re really going to talk about peace. And this is a study that is near and dear to my heart, a topic that I have dealt with a lot in my life—because as many of you know, if you’ve been listening to me for any length of time, I have struggled with severe anxiety most of my adult life. And really the Lord has given me victory. It’s not that I don’t have days of anxiety, or moments where I feel anxious—but I’m not living with this constant knot in my stomach anymore. And a huge part of that healing was based on my walking with the Lord and allowing Him to replace my anxiety with His peace.

And peace is something that we all want. But really in the culture right now, I don’t see a lot of people with it. I feel like the tension in the culture right now so thick, you could cut it with a knife and we’ve got no issues even in our own homes. Let’s set the culture aside for a second. The chaos of children, the stress of marriage, and work, and daily life. I think that we’re more worried now than we ever have been. Even though you could argue that we live in the safest, most comfortable, technologically, and medically advanced society in human history—we are the most anxious. Studies show that even preschoolers and elementary age children are being diagnosed with anxiety disorders. And so it’s hard to think that peace in the culture could ever be a reality. But God teaches us that peace is not dependent on our circumstances.

Piece is the unmistakable sign of the presence of God in our lives. It’s like joy. Joy is not dependent on our circumstances. There have been many times in my life when I have been filled with an inexplicable, indescribable joy—in the midst of terrible struggles. And that’s because those are the fruits of the Spirit. Evidence that God is at work in us, that He’s moving through us, and that His Spirit is at work in us. So the Holy Spirit, this peace that comes from God, is woven into our character as we mature in our faith, right? And so this virtue, this peace, it grows and it brings with it freedom. Freedom from discontentment, freedom from ungratefulness, freedom from the battle to become somebody that we’re not. And we could spend tremendous amounts of money, right? Trying to achieve peace. And I’m telling ya—it’s an industry. According to the anxiety and depression association of America, the United States citizens spend over $42 billion a year in the treatment of anxiety disorders. And that doesn’t include the amount of money that we spend on vacations and relaxation so that we can reduce stress in our life, right? We get medication to silence the symptoms and pay for therapy to help us learn the tricks to achieving peace. And often these are very necessary and they’re helpful things to seek out. But our lack of peace is a cultural crisis. It is a spiritual crisis. We truly do live in the age of anxiety.

I wanted to address really quickly my own struggle with anxiety again, because I think it’s important for you to understand something. I am not knocking medication. I think medication sometimes is necessary. And certainly for me it was a very helpful at a point in my life when I was so broken on the inside that I could not quiet those voices long enough to even hear from the Lord. And so a lot of you are listening to this today and you’ve got a host of stressors in your life, right? You might have come from a dysfunctional family. Maybe you’re coming out of an abusive relationship or an abusive marriage—and you’re struggling with anxiety, and there is a place, absolutely, for getting professional medical help. I think there’s a place for getting counseling. We want to be getting counseling from men and women who know Jesus and who can give us biblical counseling. But as I talk about peace that comes from God, and living in an age of anxiety, and looking at pieces of fruit of the Spirit—I am in no way saying that I think medicine is wrong.

Here’s where I think it’s messed up. So I spent most of my adult life, until about five years ago, off and on anti anxiety medications. I think I tried every one of them in the book. My anxiety was so severe. And some of you are listening to this and you’re going—wait a second, I heard her speak at a conference 10 years ago. You didn’t look anxious to me. Well people can be very anxious and not look like it, all right? We are very good at hiding things. And part of the reason why I didn’t share my struggle with anxiety until about it maybe six or seven years ago, was because I was so concerned about what people would think about me. I thought—man, if they know that I’m struggling with anxiety, if they know that I have struggled with depression, then they’re not going to respect me, then they won’t listen to me. And you know what? That was a lie from the enemy. It’s the enemy who says that we can’t share our weaknesses. It’s the enemy that says that we should be more concerned about what people think of us, than about coming to the Lord and just saying—Father, help me. Give me freedom from this and in my life.

And it’s a long story, too long to go over today. I will just say that when I experienced the peace, finally, that passes understanding—it came after years of me crying out to the Lord and just saying—Lord, I need your help. I need your help. And it came after, not before, I was willing to just confess it to the multitudes and say—hey, this is it. This is the deal in my life. This is real. This is tough. And my kids have watched me, right? And our close friends have watched this, but my life has been so public that it just felt insurmountable to me. And I have never been more at peace. Not that we don’t have struggles, but a lot of things have helped me over the years. I read a book a long time ago called Search for Significance (I’ll link back to that in the show notes today) and on and off of the medications—but what it really was, was seeing myself the way the Lord sees me, and being able to put my life, and my past, and my future in His hands. And then leave it there. Because so often what we want to do is we want to take it with us. Lord, I’m worried about these things. I’m going to give it to you today. But then we don’t leave it with Him. We take it back again.

And nobody knows what it was like to suffer like the Apostle Paul. Listen to what he says in 2 Corinthians 11 starting at the second half of verse 23. Paul says, I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. 2 Corinthians 11:23b-24

I don’t you guys know this, but 40 is considered a death sentence. So they gave him just enough to not kill him, right?

Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. 2 Corinthians 11:25a

This guy is actually kind of ruining the prosperity gospel right now.

Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have traveled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm. Then, besides all this, I have the daily burden of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? 2 Corinthians 11:25b-29

You see, while writing the book of Philippians, Paul was in prison. He was facing torture and possibly execution. And yet look at the statement that he made in Philippians 4: I’ve learned the secret of being content and in every situation. And so really that’s what it comes down to. And so if you’re listening to this today and you’re going—I just, I can’t get out of this pit that I’m in. Yes you can. Yes, you can. The Lord will help you. It’s part of the reason why I speak about this so often. And it’s why I carry my essential oils with me. You guys have heard me talk about that. I think that God has given us the tools because trauma is real and nobody knew it better than Paul. Right? And he’s saying—I’ve learned that I can be content in whatever situation that I find myself in. And you’re going—wait a second, how can somebody who’s been beaten, tortured, starved, sleepless, homeless…How can he be content? I’m discontent with my kids misbehave. I’m frustrated when I didn’t get the relaxing evening that I wanted. And yet Paul is under constant physical, emotional, and psychological stress, and yet he’s at peace. How?

Well, I guess it would be easy for us to say—well, of course he can be at peace. He’s, you know, Paul. But before you guys start to think that contentment is a natural talent or something that we simply have because we’re amazing—I want you to look closely at this verse. He says he learned it. He learned the secret of being content. That means that it’s something that doesn’t come naturally, and this is absolutely what the Lord’s been teaching me in my life. I had to say—oh my goodness, Father, I’m anxious again. I gave it to you and I took it back. Show me how to not take it back. It’s a learning process. Psalm 85:8 NIV says, I will listen to what God the Lord says; he promises peace to his people.

See, God’s not going to put that in His Word if it’s not possible for children to attain, to achieve, to experience, right? God desires to give us His peace. He doesn’t say it’s going to be easy. That’s never the message of the Bible. In fact, Jesus said in this world you’re going to have trouble. But guess what? Take heart—I have overcome the world. I’ve done it and I’m going to continue to do it. And so even though it’s not easy and it’s not instantaneous, as we mature in Christ, we can step into a greater degree of contentment and rest as we learn to do everything through Christ who gives us strength, right? So the juxtaposition of Jesus becoming our peace and breaking down every wall at the cost of Him bearing the wrath of God the Father on the cross is a hard reality. But this reality can bring us to a place of really grappling with a deep cost of salvation. God sent His Son, Jesus, who died on the cross for us—so that we would be set free.

And if we don’t take the full instruction of God’s Word and reconcile His love and His anger—then we sell salvation short and Jesus died in vain. So let’s love them enough to learn the whole counsel of His Word, not just the parts that are socially acceptable. And in this way, we honor His sacrifice to create peace for all of us. So I’m going to look really quickly at Philippians 4:4-13. So if you’re listening to this and you’re studying along with me at MomStrong International, I’m about on page 43 right now. So I’m down in the study. So when you download the study, you’re going to get a month at a time. I’m on week three, which is why I’m on page 43. So if you want to follow along with me that’s where I am.

I know a bunch of you are doing this in groups, so I’ll give you just a second. Philippians 4:4-13 here’s what it says— Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Phillipians 4:4-11

Notice he doesn’t say the peace of God might be with you. He says, the peace of God will be with you. Paul is not just telling us that he has it easy, he’s telling us how to get it. He’s telling us how to get it. So what is he saying to do in this passage? The first thing he’s saying is rejoice always. He doesn’t say rejoice when things are going great. He says rejoice always. Now there’s a difference between going—Yay, I’m just so happy that I was in this car accident. Or, I’m just so happy that I got this unexpected bill…like Jay and I right now dealing with them in massive water problem in our home. Two years ago it was the pipes outside our house, had to dig a big trench in the middle of winter, run a whole new line. And then we just learned about a month and a half ago that every pipe in our house has to come out, has to be re-piped. It is expensive.

And I was so frustrated. I was like—well, I guess we’re going to have to take out a loan. I mean, who’s got that kind of money just sitting around? And I started to get frustrated, and Jay so rightly reminded me… he was like—Heidi, the Lord has always provided for us, always provided miraculously. So let’s rejoice because God’s going to show Himself faithful again. And that’s what Paul is saying. Rejoice always. He’s in the middle of your suffering, in the middle of your struggle. Let your gentle Spirit be known to all because—why?, because the Lord is near. And then he goes on to say: don’t be anxious about anything. Now to know about you, but that’s a tough one for me. Be Anxious for nothing? So that phone call I get that I didn’t want to get, that sin struggle that I know that my child is struggling with, that issue in my marriage that I’m concerned about, this financial thing that’s in front of me—be anxious about nothing?

Yep, that’s right. “Yeah. You right.” As my daughter Sierra would say. Be anxious for nothing. But hear is his instruction—But instead by prayer and supplication…supplication meaning letting the Lord know what you need…with thanksgiving. So Father, here I am. This is my need. Thank you so much that I can trust you. Thank you that you sent Your Son. Thank you that you love me. Thank you that you’re good—and you let your requests be made known to God. And then as a result of that, the peace of God, which the Bible says surpasses our understanding—will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. And that guard that the Lord sets there is what keeps us from going off the rails. It’s what keeps us walking in right relationship with Him.

You guys just as important stuff. We want to be walking in such a way that our lives say that we trust the Lord, that we believe that His Spirit is in us and that He will never let us down—and He never will.

All right, this is so good. And speaking of good, the verse today from the MomStrong International Scripture Writing Challenge is found in Ephesians 4:1-3—I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. That is God’s heart for you. Lean into it today, you guys, lean into it. God wants to set you free. He came to set you free—free from your anxiety, free from your fear. He wants to replace that fear with His peace and it really is miraculous.

Hope you guys are enjoying this study.  You can download this study and dig into it even deeper at MomStrongInternational.com. And also, when you subscribe to the Bible Study—that $8 a month is going a whole long wait to helping us write these Bible Studies for you every month and get ’em out there. We’re just thrilled to have you join us.

The next episode at the amazing Dr. Duke Pesta who is the president and founder of the Freedom Project Academy—and he does some amazing videos online, exposing a lot of things happening in the culture, and really bringing clarity to it. He is going to be on the show with me on Friday and you are not going to want to miss it. So come back on Friday and let’s see my guest Dr. Duke Pesta. In the meantime, you guys cast your cares on the Lord for He cares about you. Have a great day, you guys. I’ll see you back here on Friday.


Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

 

Faith-filled Fatherhood with Steve Demme – 779

What makes the role of fathers so important?  Join me today as my friend Steve Demme and I discuss the role of fathers in the culture today.

Transcribed version of the podcast is below

Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse

  • 1 Peter 3:8-9

Resources Mentioned in Podcast

Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com


Steve and his wife Sandra have been married since 1979. They have been blessed with four sons, three lovely daughters-in-law, and five special grandchildren. Their fourth son John has Downs Syndrome and lives with them in Lititz, PA.  Steve graduated from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. He is the creator of Math-U-See and the founder of Building Faith Families.

Connect with the AUTHOR: Math-U-See | Building Faith Families | Facebook


Don’t Miss These!


TRANSCRIPTION:

This podcast was brought to you by our friends at Melt: Massage for Couples.

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John, welcome to the podcast. I’m so glad you guys joined me at my little corner of the Internet. Today is Friday, June 14th. This is episode number 779 and it is meet my friend Friday—and you guys know how much I love having people on the show who are going to encourage you and bless you. Today is no different. My friend Steve Demme is on the show with me today. It’s been quite awhile since he’s been here and I will introduce him in a minute, but we’re going to take on fatherhood today. Fatherhood is so important and it’s under attack in the culture right now. Steve knows a lot about fatherhood. He’s been married to his wife since 1979 and they have four sons, three daughters in law and five amazing grandkids. So we’re going to talk all things fatherhood and culture today.

Stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right, so I want to say thanks to everybody who’s come out to join me at the Rocky Mountain Homeschool Conference. I will be there today and tomorrow—so if you’re in the Denver area, come on out. You can find information—just go ahead and search for The Rocky Mountain Homeschool conference. On Tuesday, July 2nd, I will be speaking at the NW Slavic Action Summit at Smirna Christian Church. I will link back to that in the show notes today. Then from the 11th through the 13th I’ll be in Pasadena for the CHEA convention and then in Phoenix, July 19th and 20th for AFHE. This is a very busy season for me and I appreciate everybody who’s coming out and saying hello. Also, want to say a big shout out to our sponsor over at MELT. You guys remember me talking about this last week. This is an awesome opportunity. Father’s Day is this Sunday, and so there’s still time for you guys to get free access to that Melt Couples Massage Course that we’ve talked about on this show a whole lot of times now.

You can get the masterclass for 30 days for FREE when you hop on over to purchase their Almond Oil from Amazon. And honestly guys, I looked it up just to kind of see what are people saying. They have 557 customer reviews at four and a half stars. This is great stuff. It’s a purchase price of $18.95—totally worth it. Makes a great, great, great Father’s Day Gift. Your husband will thank you for it. So check it out. If you want more information, go to my website TheBusyMom.com/Melt for more information. Hurry up because this offer is going to end as soon as Father’s Day is over.

All right, I’m going to get right to my guest today because I don’t want to miss a minute of time with him. Steve and I have been friends for quite a while, hanging out on the speaking circuit with homeschooling. And he’s, you know—my kids love him and we have all kinds of funny stories that we can share. But Steve has a real heart for families. And one of the things I love talking to him about is his heart for parents in particular and for building strong families. And actually some of you are going—man, that name, it sounds so familiar. That’s because Steve is the creator of MathUSee and the founder of Building Faith Families. And so, I’m excited to let him talk to you about the projects he’s working on now, and we’re going to chat about fatherhood. Hey Steve, welcome to the podcast.

[Steve] Thanks Heidi, is lovely to be here with you and all your listeners. Thanks for having me.

[Heidi] Yeah, I’m glad that you’re here. It’s been a while. It’s really been too long. I apologize.

[Steve] This is the old journey. Start with a single step.

[Heidi] That’s exactly right. You have been out on the circuit speaking this season as well. And you also just finished writing a book, right? Finishing a book project.

[Steve] I did.

[Heidi] Right on.

[Steve] I wrote a Christian approach to personal finance with a 15 or 16 year old student in my head as I was writing. I don’t know if you do that when you write, but I’m writing to somebody—and I’m writing to a young person. And so it’s Personal Finance from a Christian Perspective, tons of Scripture, lots of math applications. In the first book I wrote on this topic was in 2008, some of the units were outdated. And so this was supposed to be the revision year. And as I started to do it, I ended up rewriting the whole program, rerecording it and filming it in front of live students and online students. And it’s awesome.

[Heidi] that is awesome

[Steve] So it’s at the printer right now and it’ll be out in a couple of weeks.

[Heidi] I am excited. So you have been doing this now for quite awhile, you know, ministering to families and you started out with MathUSee. Which anybody who’s been homeschooling for more than 10 minutes knows what that is. But you’ve got so much more on your heart than math, and so much more than personal finance. You really have a heart to see families be grounded and be strong. Where does that come from?

[Steve] It started when I was in seminary and I was wanting to find a vision for education. I had a class on Christian schools and I did something radical. I got out my Young’s concordance and I looked up every Word in the Bible I had thought had anything to do with education, teach, teacher, teaching, instructing, instruction. And I ended up writing a paper on the millennial view of education. And the idea was—what will education look like if there’s a millennium? And I just based on Scripture, mostly Deuteronomy and Proverbs, but throughout the Word of God, I said—parents should be the primary educators of their children and the curriculum should be based on God’s Word. That’s not a radical thought today, but it was 40 years ago. And then the second thing that happened, my wife and I were invited to a homeschool conference back in, I think it was 1982—one of the first homeschool conferences. And we started seeing families who had already been homeschooling and we loved the fruit.

We saw moms and dads whose best friends were still their teenagers. We saw young men that would look you in the eye and give you a firm handshake and young ladies that could have an intelligent conversation. And it just resonated with our heart. And the second thing was though—at that point I’d already been a youth group leader, and run summer camps, and I had been a high school teacher—to see that kind of family harmony and that heart connection between generations, was something I hadn’t seen in any other sphere that much. And once you’re involved in youth work for a while, you start realizing that the most important influence in a child’s life is not the youth leader. It’s a mom and a dad.

And so I started redirecting my energy—instead of working with young people, working with parents. And in particular, I think dads are a key part of the family. And I think that’s why it says at the end of Malachi—God is going to turn the hearts of the fathers to their home and going to turn the hearts of the children to their dads. And that’s what I see happening in a nutshell. When I travel around, I speak at men’s conferences, I speak at homeschool conferences, I speak at a church retreats, and I really believe that that’s what God’s doing in our culture. And I don’t give a rip what the media says. I don’t give a rip with the news paper says—God is turning the hearts of dads towards their home. And I just did a talk in Virginia this past weekend and I had a room filled with men, men standing around the edges on the sides, and in the back. And my talk, it was about how to build up your wife. And these men were taking the time to go listen to some tall, bald guy talk about how to build up their family. And I think that appetite comes from the Spirit of God. And so I am not hope-less. I am hope-filled that God is restoring our country from the heart level and He’s doing it by working in the hearts of men. And I’m really at good courage.

[Heidi] That’s so encouraging. I know it’s encouraging for me because these are the things we talk about on the podcast all the time. I spend a lot of time trying to encourage the hearts of women, and mothers in particular, toward their children and toward their husband. And I agree with you. We have also seen incredible things happening out on the road and as you and I both have. We are crisscrossing the country, we’ve kind of been like ships in the night. Like this season—I haven’t seen you at all. But I’m so encouraged by what you’re doing.

Talk to the dad right now, who feels like he has…like he’s missed an opportunity. So I get letters like all the time, there’s a dad who’s listening to this right now and he’s got—maybe his youngest is eight, but he’s got a 15 year old and a 17 year old. And he feels like he missed an opportunity to speak into the life of his kids. And now he’s just kind of putting his hands up in the air and going—why bother? Talk to that man, to that dad for just a minute.

[Steve] All right, so here’s the deal. It’s never too late number one. One of my favorite names for God is redeemer and God just works. And you know, because you read the book I wrote called Crisis to Christ and in 2012, we’d been homeschooling our kids. They’re all in their twenties and thirties now. They’re working for Demme Learning and we decided to have a family business instead of just working for me. I thought this would be really easy because I loved my kids. I thought they can handle more and more of the business, it frees me up to do more speaking and writing. But I didn’t realize—I learned some painful lessons that year, that there’s nobody that can build up my kids like me. And that can hurt him like me. You know, with the authority that God gives men—now again, who can even say that in our culture today without almost getting stoned. But it’s in Scripture, he made the husband the head.

And so that authority though, carries with it tremendous responsibility. And what I found out was, is that I’m homeschooling my kids. I’m trying to protect them, provide for them, give them something better than I didn’t receive growing up. And then to find out that I’m a source of pain in their life and that I’ve wounded them. It was almost more than I could take. But you know what—if I can just put a little parenthesis here, remember Enoch in the Bible. He had lived for decades and then it says he had his son. And it said after his son was born, Enoch walked with God. Something about having a son. It stirs a man. It makes them want to be a better man. It makes him want to leave a lasting impression. It makes him want to encourage his kids. So to that man does even wanting to be a good man—I first of all said, that’s good stuff. You’re on the right track.

So then what happened is I ended up getting therapy. I ended up getting a counselor, ended up going deep and trying to figure out where my own issues came from, taking them to the cross, letting Christ work through me. And then I was back and I was being restored to my sons. And it wasn’t like, you know, I’d thrown them off a bridge or anything like that. But I’m a dad and dad’s have tremendous influence in the life of the kids. And so I went back to my sons and I said—you know, I know that I’ve asked your forgiveness when I had done something wrong, but you know—I’m your dad. I had no idea I was doing these things. Thank you for pointing out my blind spots and whatever it takes, let’s be reconciled. And it took a couple of years. But you know what? I’m in the best place I’ve ever been with my sons and my wife, but I had to do a lot of dying. Which if I can put this in here—I believe God designed men to die. Because he told him—lay your life down for your wife. Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her. And so I don’t know about ladies, I’m not a lady, but I’m a man—and I had to do a lot of dying in 2012 and I continue to make dying a good thing. I embrace it now in a different way instead of kicking against it, because to what Jesus said—if you lose your life, you find it. And I can’t tell you how good of a place I am and how I didn’t like the dying—but that’s what Jesus did. Jesus laid his life down and it’s because he laid his life down that we’re all alive today. And we’re going to live forever because He laid his life down. And so dying is not a bad thing. And it’s going to your children in humility and repenting, and going deep, and creating a safe place where they can approach you and point out your blind spots, and your frailties and places where perhaps you have blown it. It’s not fun, but it yields really good fruit. And God walked through with me. It wasn’t me on my own as the Holy Spirit that carried me through and help me and was my like comforter at my side. So that’s what happened.

So to that father who’s thinking he missed the opportunity, my kids were all adults—and I think we were within a whisker of them all moving to a different state. And now we all work together in the same business and I see them almost every day. And I had lunch with one of my sons just today, and I’m making plans to meet with my other boys on a regular basis. We’ve been doing this now for the last couple of years.

[Heidi] So good. It’s so important. One of the things that Jay has talked about with me out on the road, the season we’ve been talking… We’re coming up on our 30th anniversary this fall.

[Steve] Congratulations!

[Heidi] Thank you! And we’ve been talking about seven things we’ve been learning, you know, seven things we’ve learned in 30 years. Of course there’s a whole lot more than that. But somebody asked us recently about this issue of submission, you know—what is the role of submission in marriage? And I was so encouraged and blessed to say to hear Jay. He said basically exactly what you said. He said—listen, you know,  we hear a lot about—wives submit your husband’s. We don’t hear very much about—husbands, love your wife like Christ loved the church. What did he do? He laid down His life for her. And Jay said—you know, I have always seen my role in our home is one of God saying: Jay St. John, you are in charge of making sure that your family flourishes, that your children flourish, that your marriage flourishes, that your wife flourishes. And then your children and your wife will respond to that loving leadership. And it was such a beautiful picture. I think of exactly what you’re saying. It’s laying down and the fruit that comes from it is amazing. And I’ve definitely seen it in your life. And I think one of the things that, you know, we talked about earlier was sort of this downplaying of fatherhood in the culture. And I guess I would argue that probably a root cause behind it is the loss of our understanding of what true fatherhood looks like.

And so we are kind of messing that up. Like we keep hearing things like “toxic masculinity”, and boys aren’t allowed to be…. Men are sort of under attack. So one of the questions that’s coming to the podcast is from a mom named Amy. And she’s saying—I don’t know even how to tell my boys how to treat women anymore because the culture’s so backwards and upside down. It’s kind of a full scale war on men. But I think the sniper attacks at fatherhood are very specific in saying that fathers are not allowed to exert leadership in their families. They don’t want  to be distinguished. The culture says we don’t distinguish you from mothers in any way. But God says it’s so much differently. And so when you get asked out on the road, which I know that you do, from parents that come up to you and they’re asking questions about the role of fathers and understanding fatherhood and teaching their boys to be men and really encouraged them to be masculine—because that’s how God made them. How can we, I guess, encourage parents to encourage their boys to become men who will someday become fathers, and then flourish in that role?

[Steve] One of the big lessons I learned in my, Sandy’s and I’s relationship—by the way, we just celebrated 40.

[Heidi] Wow.

[Steve] 10 days ago.

[Heidi] You’re 10 years ahead of me. Congratulations! That’s amazing.

[Steve] You know what though? That was my last newsletter, and I don’t know if you saw it, but I’ll have to send it to you if you haven’t. But we were sitting in dinner, we went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We have—it’s the only the second time we’d been away for a week, just the two of us since we’ve got a special needs child. And we looked across the table and I said—Sandy, you know what’s the best thing that’s called, you know, going on? And she said—this is a celebration of all the work that we have done. You know, when I say work, most of that work is internal. It’s stuff that I had to face. I had to face my weaknesses and my frailties and with God’s help, humble myself, etc. But one of the biggest lessons I learned is—that when God says—wives—just talked about this Saturday—wives submit to your husband. First of all, that little statement there, that letter was addressed to wives. It wasn’t addressed to husbands. It’s not my job to make sure that my wife is submissive or has the right attitude towards me. My job, the letter addressed to me is—lay your life down, love your wife as Christ loved the church.

You don’t read anybody else’s mail. And if Sandy wants to submit to me, great. If he doesn’t—not my department. My department is to focus on Jesus and love like Jesus loves me. Point number two—it’s really hard to be a father until you’ve been a son. And let me see if I can explain that. That verse John 15:9 to me unlocked this whole truth. And Jesus says as the father loved me, that’s how I’ve loved you. And I start thinking about that and I thought—how did the Father loves His Son?

Because if you want to be a good dad…there’s only one perfect father in Scripture, or anywhere else—and it’s the Heavenly Father. And how did He love His Son? And He loved Him and He expressed that love at His baptism in a beautiful way. He said, this is Steve’s translation—this is My Boy. I love Him to pieces, and He’s well pleasing in my site, right this minute. And when you think about it contextually as before Jesus did anything, and this is what a good dad tells his sons—I am so glad you’re my son.

I had a guy tell me the other day at a conference, he says—I tell my son on a regular basis, if there was a mile of 10 year old boys all standing head to head, I pick you every time.

[Heidi] Oh, I love that.

[Steve] That’s the kind of love that the Father was saying when He said—this is My Boy, I would pick Him every time. And then He said—and I love Him to pieces, just the way He is, and He’s well pleasing in My site. And because of what Jesus has done for us, and taken away our sin, and closed a cloaked us in His righteousness—we too, we belong, we’ve been adopted into His family, we are loved with an everlasting love and we’re well pleasing in His sight. And that irrespective of what we do or don’t do it—there is nothing we can do to make God love us more than He does and nothing we can do to make God love us any less.

And so what I’m saying is, for me in my journey, I had to learn how to be a loved son before I could be a loving father. I had to get my eyes up on my heavenly Father in a whole new way and rebuild my relationship with Him because there were flaws in it. And that’s what I discovered in 2012. And being a loved son, which is what Jesus was, prepares me to be a loving dad. And now that I’m receiving those things from my Dad, I’m able to pass them on to my sons, which is—I’m able to love my boys like I have been loved. Which is what Jesus says—now love one another just like I loved you. And I thought—okay, that’s the vision for Godly Fatherhood, is to keep your eyes on the Heavenly Father and just like He loved His Boy, and just like His Boy loved us—that’s how we’re supposed to love our boys.

So I’ll give you some examples. One of the things that we do, my wife carefully picks out a birthday card for each of my boys. Two weeks before their birthday, this card appears on my desk . And I began praying, and I began seeking God for Him to help me to see my sons like He sees them. To see their heart, and their Spirit, and not the external—but the real man. Just like He talked about David, he didn’t look on the outside. He looked on the heart.

And I start making notes and then I prayerfully write a letter to each of my boys on their birthday. And I’ve been doing this now for many, many years. And pretty much though, the essence of it is— I’m so glad you’re my boy. I’d pick you every time. I love you to pieces and you are well pleasing in my sight if you never do anything. I love you right now with all my heart. And think about that. How many people here would love to have a letter from their dad saying those things? And that’s one of the things that I try to communicate to my son’s on a regular basis. I don’t care how old they are. I don’t care if I’m 80 and they’re in their 50’s—I’m going to keep writing them letters. I’m going to keep taking them out to lunch. I’m going to keep loving them. And I want them to know that I am so glad that they’re my boy.

[Heidi] That’s so good

[Seve] But I keep my eyes on my dad. You see, because that’s the whole point. That’s how He loved His Son. So that’s how I want to love my sons. And I can keep going along that line, but that’ll get us a taste.

[Heidi] I love it. Well, and we’ve only got about a couple of minutes left, but I wanted to turn the tables just a little bit because Father’s Day is right around the corner. And we’ve been talking to dads about how they can love their sons in particular, you know, their kids in general—their sons in particular. But let’s talk for just a minute about how the rest of us can really encourage and love on our dad or our husband. What are some practical ways that we can encourage them in the role, this specific role that God has given to them? What comes to your mind, my friend?

[Steve] Well, when I read the commandment to honor your father and your mother, I’m just so focused on being honorable.

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Steve] You know what I mean?

[Heidi] Yeah.

[Steve] That’s scripted to me is a two-edged sword in the sense that I want to have the right attitude towards my parents because each of us has parents and we want to have the right attitude. Whether they’re living or not. We want to honor our parents, but we want to be honorable for our kids. I don’t want to just walk into the room and assume that they have to genuflect and start standing up and giving me honor and all that. Frankly, Father’s days are a little hard for me. Because we’re getting together Sunday as a family, and the whole family’s going to get together. And, sorry, I’m starting to cry on this end.

[Heidi]

[Steve] Yeah. I got some great kids and they’re wonderful. And I don’t know what they’re going to do. But yeah, for a dad, I think probably when it says in John—there’s no greater joy than I have to see that my kids are walking in the truth. And that’s the greatest joy I receive—it’s just watching my sons love their wife, love their kids, love each other. You know, my boys are each others close friends and I love the way that they honor their mom. So it’s a little uncomfortable for me. I would rather…

[Heidi] I know that’s how come I told you I was going to turn the tables on you.

[Steve] Yeah, I didn’t know what to say to that one. But for me—we’ve learned each other’s love languages in our family. Which one of my sons is quality time, which one is touch, which one is gifts. Me—I’m words of affirmation. So cards means something to me, and words mean something to me. And I remember, I do remember what kids say and they go deep so.

[Heidi] Well and you’re good at that. You’re good at words of affirmation. I know Saylor just misses you. We were looking at pictures the other day and she was like—where’s the big tall man and everything. Last time you saw Saylor, she was sitting on your shoulders.

[Steve] Yeah. That poor peanut, we were doing shoulder rides. And then she broke her arm in a hundred places or whatever.

[Heidi] I know it. What in the world I am telling you what—I can’t get away from the trouble, if you know what I’m saying. Well, I love you, my friend. I’m just so thankful for your heart, for families in your heart to encourage fathers  in particular to be the men that God would have them be because of how loved they are. And I think that message of how loved we are needs to be out there more often. So I appreciate it.

I’m going to link back to you in the show notes today. So everyone’s like—how do I find this guy? I’ll link back to all things Steve Demme in the show notes today. But Steve, what is it that you want people, listeners— to leave them with? Where can they find you? How would you have them search you out?

[Steve] Well, I have my own podcast. Which I’m only at number 203. I just 201 I think I interviewed Joni Eareckson Tada. So listening to the podcast would be one avenue. The second one would be—I have a newsletter, which goes out once a month. And then I have a whole bunch of free resources on my website. But if I could say one last zinger here—the reason dads are under attack is because the Devil is not stupid and he knows that they’re the key.

[Heidi] Yes.

[Steve] And that’s why we’re under attack We are. So spiritual warfare comes into play here. I mean, this morning I was out on my prayer walk and things weren’t just….I wasn’t connecting. Right? And you know what I sensed? I just sensed opposition. And so I did a lot of—I bound the strong man in Jesus’ name. I applied the blood of Christ. I resisted the Devil, not only for myself, but for my family. And you know what? It broke. So one of the things that I do, and I’m on my prayer walk, I might not be able to write letters that are editorial, and I might be PC policed to death and all that kind of stuff—but they can’t stop me from praying. 

[Heidi] That’s right.

[Steve] I can pray my heart out, and I can bind the strong man and I can pray any way that the Spirit of God directs me. And whether I even have a voice or not, I can pray in my Spirit. And that’s one of the things that we need to do as men. And the second thing men need to do is they need to have other men in their life. I saw a quote the other day—isolation is the Kryptonite of men. And once we get separated from good godly fellowship, then we get picked off pretty easily. So we need to be cogent and fighting the good fight and the Holy Spirit will help us to do it. But we also need brothers to link arms with and that’s one of the things that I’m doing a lot of—is just connecting men with other men when I speak.

[Heidi] Well, you’re doing a fantastic job. You are really do fit that title of ambassador and it really is a privilege for me to call you my friend. Thank you so much Steve for taking the time to come and bless our people.

[Steve] Back at ya Heidi.

[Heidi] Thank you so much. If you you guys who want more information about Steve Demme and his ministry to families. I will link back to Steve’s information in the show notes today.

Want to just remind you, you can get ahold of me anytime. You can write to us at a Heidi St. John c/o Firmly Planted Family 11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682. Make sure you hop on over to MomStrong International. We’re going to be coming up next week talking about peace in an age of anxiety. I know you guys are going to be encouraged. Jump into the study right now so that you can catch up with us. You can do that at MomStrongInternational.com have a great day everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Monday.


Write to Heidi:
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682