I always thought that putting up Christmas decorations was going to be a fun family “thing.” You know. A tradition.
{I pictured this}
All the kids gathering around, waiting for their turn to help, eager to put Thanksgiving decorations away and make room for Christmas. Hot cider simmering on the stove and Christmas music coming through the stereo.
I pictured it that way. Turns out, real life rarely cooperates with the way I picture it.
I became a mother in the fall of 1991. From the time our first child was about 3 months old, I dreamed about decorating the house together for Christmas. Funny thing though, real life Christmas decorating never goes like the dream.. or at least, if it does, it’s rare.
Ten minutes into our memory making extravaganza, someone got into an argument. Child “A” didn’t want to clean child “D’s” mess or even finish what they started. Tempers flared. I found myself getting upset.
After all, I was making memories for them, right?! Didn’t anyone care?
Last night, as we took down our fall decorations and put up the tree, here’s what really happened:
we discovered a mouse had been living in the Christmas tree box … and yes, it was that bad
two children decided it was a good day to fight over who REALLY cleaned their room last
I smashed my finger in between the table and the wall as we were moving it to make room for the stinky tree
teens would rather be in their rooms
four-year old broke an heirloom ornament
3/4 of our Christmas lights wouldn’t work
mom and dad argued. Imagine that.
Not exactly pinterest-perfect… but then, when is it ever that way? Real life is messy. Even when it’s supposed to be great — it can still be hard… but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it!
After we had Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner, I went to tuck our littlest into bed.
“Mom?” she said, “Are you fru-ster-ated with me? Are you mad?”
“No, sweet girl. Mommy’s just tired. I love you,” I said wearily.
“Well,” she continued, “Christmas is here. And I’m glad you’re my mom! I love Christmas!”
I guess she didn’t notice what I noticed. Maybe, just maybe, we’re trying too hard, because even when things don’t go as I’d like, the time I’m investing in my children is making an impact on them. These moments we’re working so hard to create may feel like a big failure at times, but when you stand back and look with a little perspective, things look different.
Even when tempers flare and feelings are hurt, I’m teaching them how to deal with real life. And teaching them—is what it’s all about.
So, if your plans for a perfect holiday (or a perfect whatever) don’t go as you’d like, hang in there.
If you’re tired and need a little extra hug right now—here you go.
Motherhood is the hardest, best job in the world.
What you’re doing … matters.
You’re doing better than you know.
Don’t grow weary in doing good—the harvest is coming!
Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be memorable. Kids need your presence more than your presents. If you’re giving them the gift of you, in real life, you’re doing better than you know.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
High five, sister! That was our house last night, too, only ALL the Christmas lights did not work. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder.
*bam!* It’s real life, isn’t it? I am going to find out where to get decent Christmas lights eventually. 🙂
that was so me. *Sigh* thank you so much for that perspective and reminder. I really thought that there would be more “fruit” a lot sooner. But so much of the time just feels hard…
I get it, Erika! I’ve decided that parenting can show me how much work I need to do on my own heart as get older 🙂 I almost wrote an even *more* real version but decided this was good enough 🙂 haha ((hugs))
I love to do decorations, so it’s hard when my oldest isn’t ‘in’ to it in the same way I am. He’s a huge help and never shirks the helping part, so I know he likes it in his own way. I’ve already had to glue the head back on one of Grandma’s nutcrackers, due to my three-year-old. I wouldn’t trade these times for the world!
Yep! Don’t trade them for anything 🙂 Keep it real! xoxo
I heard you speak at CHEA a few years back and I look forward to hearing you again at MomHeart. Thank you for this post today. Sharing so transparently breaks the back of the illusion that everyone else’s holiday is perfect. Your little one nailed it with her comments! I teared up when I read the part about our grandchildren. Yes! Praying for our best Christmas EVER as we try to stay focused and keep it simple. Blessings to you and your family.
Thank you, Sarah! I look forward to seeing you at MomHeart. Be sure to come let me give you a hug! 🙂
Thank you for being so honest! I needed that hug today! We did decorate as a family and I got to practice patience a lot because so many little hands wanted to help with everything right now!! It was some lovely memory making in the sweet moments.
Your grandchildren comment hit so close to home. We actually have a family motto in some of the pretty vinyl on the huge wall over our front door that says, “Raising Godly grandchildren who effect freedom, health, and fruitfulness for Christ.”
And your darling daughter’s comment made me cry as I remembered back to coming home from the Come Away retreat in TN. (I’ve been wanting to find a way to share this with you since then, but am not on Facebook.) Anyway, child #4 of 6, my youngest boy, Isaac came and gave me my 3rd welcome home hug and said, “Mom, I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you!” I told him that I was so happy to be home, but that I was also so thankful I’d gone as I got to hear lots of great teaching about being a Godly wife and mother. He melted my heart when he said, “Ah Mom, you’re already all of that.” Then, I checked Instagram and my eldest (a daughter who just turned 14) had posted a pretty comment that read, “I love God. Not because I’m brave enough to follow, but because he’s kind enough to show me the way.” So humbling and a great reminder of God’s faithfulness because He gets ALL the credit for having her heart and I’m so blessed to get to watch Him grow her.
This was so me Friday night. Last year we moved into our new house on Christmas Eve and I felt guilty all year that we didn’t have our family time at decorating and making home made ornaments like we have since my 13 year was a toddler. So I tried to make this year extra special except everyone fought while making the ornaments, our son(the teenager) didn’t want to help at all and I had to force him to hang one ornament. I was ready to scream by that point, but then I looked at my 3 and 4 year olds and they were having so much fun. The bottom of my tree was full of ornaments. My 7 year old was dancing around the tree, and my 11 year old was reminiscent of Christmas past. It wasn’t what I had perfectly planned but it ended up pretty perfect.
You always hit me right where I’m at, Heidi. I can’t tell you how you have encouraged me ever since I met you in Omaha Summer 2013! God has blessed me through you. Thanks so much for being REAL! Ditto on our tree decorating experience. It bombed this year! Then just today I found myself dreaming of the perfect Christmas cookie making day. That day that’s happened so many times in my mind, but never in real life. The day when I don’t get upset over flour flying all over the kitchen, siblings not taking turns, everyone quitting before we’re done… Thanks for the reminder that I probably need to do I it anyway!
Spot on! Thank you for sharing. I teared up a bit when I read what your daughter said. What really matters to our children is we being there or present. Again, thanks. Blessings! 🙂
Thanks so much for this! Instead of lights not working, or ornaments being broken; ours have yet to exit the storage box. Life just keeps happening and dialing back the decorating. The kids seem to be crazy this time of year, and the holiday stress makes it hard not to be a screamer! The awesome thing is that the verse you chose has been on our blackboard for 2 weeks. I didn’t have the heart to take it down yet with our children needing to read it every day. Thank you for reinforcing the importance of the marathon, not the sprint. God is faithful, even if the decorations aren’t up yet and the sugar cookies go unmade for yet another day!
I LOVE this post! Since my husband died last year, I have been working double duty, trying to help my four small children create these memories you speak of, since I realize how short life can be. I want them to have memories of a pleasant home, a mom who is there, hold onto the memories of Daddy, etc. But I’m finding, as you wrote, that LIFE happens so often instead. Emotions and circumstances get in the way of my “perfection” I’m trying to create, here, Lol! Thank you for this post to remind me of what it’s really all about, and that it’s Okay! 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about your husband, Rachel. ((hugs)) to you this Christmas. I think memories of a pleasant mom are the best kind of memories. Thanks for posting!