God does some of His best work in the deep. Suzanne Phillips is joining me on the podcast today and she’s sharing her story of the fatal diagnosis of her son in utero, how that lead to an abortion, and how she walked through those deep waters. Precious Mom, God is at work and He’s going to bring something good out of the pain—because that’s what God does. Listen in, and be encouraged!
If God is sovereign, why pray? I’ll answer this question and comment on current events today. Listen in!
Have you ever said something to your kids you wish you hadn’t said? We’ve all been there. Today’s podcast offers encouragement for the mom who wishes she hadn’t said that thing that she said.
Tina Griffin spent 10 years in Hollywood, working as an actress and today, she informs and educates parents on the agenda behind today’s entertainment and what you can do to protect your children. Listen in and be encouraged!
It’s very easy to slip into a pattern of disordered priorities—and yet, God has grace as well as instruction for where our hearts and families will flourish.
Today, I’m pleased to welcome my friend Patrick Schwenk to the podcast. We’ll be talking about the importance of family discipleship, the role of fathers in the home and more!
Transcribed version of podcast is below.
Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse
Resources Mentioned in Podcast
All Things Heidi
Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!
Patrick Schwenk is a pastor of nearly twenty years and the co-author of Faith Forward Family Devotional and For Better or For Kids: A Vow to Love Your Spouse with Kids in the House. He is also the co-founder with his wife Ruth, of the popular blog, FortheFamily.org and podcast Rootlike Faith. Along with being a Michigan sports super fan, he loves to read and spend time with his family. Patrick has a Doctor of Ministry degree with an emphasis on Discipleship in the 21st Century from Biola University and lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan with his wife, four children, two hamsters, and a loyal Labrador Retriever.
Don’t Miss These!
TRANSCRIPTION:
[Heidi] Hey everybody. This is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. Today is Friday, January 10th this is episode number 870. It’s Meet My Friend Friday and I have a brand new friend to you on the show today. My friend Patrick Schwenk is here with me today, and we’re going to talk about a brand new book that they have out about discipling children called Faith Forward Family Devotion. Stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.
Thanks for tuning in today everybody. A couple of things before I introduce Patrick to you that are coming up on my calendar I want you guys to know about. First of all, we are right in the middle of the Mom Strong International Bible study called Recalibrate. This is a great time for you to jump into God’s word every day with your children. The scripture writing challenge is there. The copy work is available for you. You can download that today. It’s never too late to jump into a Bible study. Someone said to me the other day, “Oh, it’s the 5th of January. I missed when you guys started.” No, you didn’t. You start anytime. So you can jump in today. MomStrongInternational.com. My women’s conference Faith That Speaks is coming up in Lakeland, Florida on February 21st and 22nd. My wonderful friend Elizabeth Johnston, some of you guys will know her as the activist mommy, she is going to be joining me this year out on the road and she will be in Lakeland to encourage you off the bench and onto the battlefield.
God has a plan and a purpose for your life, and he wants your faith to speak. So I hope you guys will join us February 21st and 22nd. Registration for that is opening right now, so hop on over to HeidiStJohn.com/events and you can find out more about it. Jay and I are right now wrapping up our marriage cruise. We’ve been cruising since the 4th of January with our friends at the Florida Parent Educators Association. There will be information on their next cruise coming up. So if you missed it this year and you want to go next year, now’s the time to be looking into that. The 24th and 25th, I’ll be in Texas for the Texas Homeschool Coalition Moms Winter Summit. I’ll be in Frisco, Texas. The weekend after that I’ll be in Houston getting my Southern drawl on. So y’all come out to hear me speak and I cannot wait to see you. More information at HeidiStJohn.com/Events.
All right. Without further ado, I want to introduce my friend Patrick Schwenk to you. Patrick and his wife Ruth, so you guys are going to know Ruth because I’ve talked about her before and she’s been on the podcast. Ruth and Patrick have been in ministry for a long time and married for 21 years. They have four kids ages 17 to 10, and they’re also a homeschooling family. They have a brand new book coming out called Faith Forward Family Devotional and it’s been written for families with kids of all ages. They’re going to take you through the entire Bible in a hundred devotions. I’m so excited because they share the same vision that my husband and I do, which is to see families grow strong in their walk with the Lord. So Patrick, welcome to the podcast.
[Patrick] Hi Heidi. Thank you so much. It’s good to be on with you today.
[Heidi] You guys have been busy writing a book, writing a devotional. This is no joke. You’re not only doing that, you’ve got a couple of websites that you manage, right?
[Patrick] We do. Yeah. We’ve been busy writing this book. We have another book coming out in September and we also, as you know, Ruth is the creator of the BetterMom.com we also run for the family.org. So a lot going on, a lot of good things. We’re excited about what God is doing and just appreciate your ministry and excited to be talking just more about what God’s vision is for the family.
[Heidi] Yeah. I don’t think there’s ever been a more important time than there is right now because we see so much of the family under attack. Years ago, it was probably 14 years ago, I did a radio broadcast with Dr. Dobson and he asked me what my plans were and at that time I was seven months pregnant with our sixth child. I was like, “My plan is to survive the pregnancy and the newborn phase.” He said, “Well, if you guys ever decide to continue in full time ministry, please focus on families.” He said, “Families are going to be under attack in the next 20 years like we have never seen before.” That was so prophetic, because we’re definitely seeing that now and we’re seeing it in every aspect of the culture. You guys have a heart to really see families strengthened in every aspect.
From the role of father to the mother, to the marriage to discipling children. Devotionals are no small thing to write. People go, “Oh, I love a devotional.” But as you and I were just talking about, you got to have some chutzpah to write a devotional that parents can have on their nightstands. I want to know why you think that because I’m in the middle of writing a 365 devotional right now, and it’s a lot of work. I want to know what made you go, “Hey, I think I’ll dive into this project.”
[Patrick] Yeah, you’re exactly right. I mean, writing in devotionals, it feels a lot like running a marathon. I would just back up and say you’re exactly right. I think the day and time that we’re living in, the family is really facing some unique challenges and yet it’s an old story, isn’t it? I think when you first opened the Bible, you see the story of creation and God creating a man and a woman and bringing them together and declaring that they are made in his image and he tells them to be fruitful and multiply. He gives that command to build a family. Yet it’s the very first thing that’s attacked in the garden. The enemy comes after the marriage. He comes after the family. So in many ways there are unique challenges that we’re facing in our day and time, and yet it’s an old story. So the family has been under attack for a long, long time.
I think when we read the scriptures, God loves the family. He loves the family and he really sees it as one of the primary vehicles for passing on faith. I think Ruth and I probably at least 15 years ago really began sensing God’s calling to not only build a family of our own, but also to invest in other families. We were young at that time. I think our oldest child at the time was two. I think Tyler was … He’s 17 now. We really felt like God calling us to not only build into our own family, but also build into other families. Just several years ago we began talking about the idea of writing a family devotional. How do we help families? How do we equip them to pass on faith to the next generation? That was really the motivation behind Faith Forward Family Devotional. We really believe that parents want to pass on faith but oftentimes they feel inadequate, they feel ill equipped. So we wanted to create a resource that would really kind of take some of the fear out of passing on faith to the next generation.
[Heidi] I love that. So what’s the format? Because I talk to parents all the time who feel like just exactly what you’re saying. They feel overwhelmed, they don’t feel equipped. Give listeners a little bit of an idea of what they can expect for Faith Forward Family.
[Patrick] Yeah. Faith Forward Family Devotional, as you said in the intro, is a hundred devotions and it really starts in Genesis and ends in Revelation. It takes a family through the entire Bible in a hundred stories. Each devotional has a key verse or several key verses. It has a short devotion for the whole family. Then it also has a key idea and then some discussion questions that are geared for various ages and then it closes with a family prayer. It’s really the kind of devotional that any family, a busy family can do. So we really had a heart to write a resource that would appeal to families with kids of all ages. Probably like a lot of your listeners, when our kids were young, we did the children’s Bibles and then as they moved into other age brackets, we did resources or studies that were more geared towards that age.
We really wanted to create a resource that really aimed at reaching the whole family. Whether you have an eight year old or a 17 year old, there would be something for that child or for those children. We just love the idea of bringing the whole family together, creating those rhythms in a home where the whole family can be together and open God’s word together. That’s really sort of the idea behind Faith Forward Family Devotional and the basic concept that somebody would find or format in each of those devotions.
[Heidi] I love that you use the word rhythm. Something that we’ve been talking about in our family lately is this idea of a liturgy, like the rhythms, what we believe in our homes, what are the habits that our hearts are shaped by? How are the loves of our life shaped by our habits? Which really our liturgies, right? They’re the things that we believe that sort of shape us. I know that this is really important to you guys. When we talk about the habits that we get into, a lot of times I hear from parents and I hear from moms all the time and they’ll say, “My husband’s not the spiritual leader in our home and I just don’t know how to make him be that leader, how to make him be that man.” I’m always like, Well, A, how about don’t nag him. Let’s start there.” Right? Can you talk to that mom? I’m going to have you maybe first talk to the mom who is listening to this today and she’s hearing you, but she doesn’t hear that same desire to lead her family spiritually from her husband. How can you encourage her?
[Patrick] I always think of that classic example from the new Testament of Paul and Timothy. I think most scholars would say, and it seems that the new Testament would suggest, that Timothy came from a home just like what you’re describing. Yeah. I think most would say that Timothy came from a home where his mom was a Jewish believer. She had grown up Jewish but became a follower of Jesus. Yet Timothy’s father was Greek. The scriptures would suggest that he wasn’t a believer. So there’s that dynamic that existed in young Timothy. So you see when Paul is writing to young Timothy who was pastoring in the city of Ephesus, he’s encouraging him about the faith that lived in him and was passed on to him from his mom, but also his grandmother.
I love that example in scripture. I think it’s a reminder to that that mom that you just described, that even if your husband isn’t like-minded, even if he doesn’t share that same spiritual hunger or vision or value, God can use you right where you’re at. I would encourage the mom listening to just continue being faithful, to create those rhythms with or without your husband. God can use you to influence your son or your daughter in the same way that Timothy’s mom and grandmother did in his life. Of course, Paul would come along and compliment that or support that and be like a spiritual father to Timothy. But I think exactly what you described is demonstrated in the life of Timothy.
[Heidi] I think that’s so encouraging to hear, right? We hear sometimes about Yunus, about his grandmother. My grandmother’s name was Yunus too. My parents divorced when I was in my teens. I’ll tell you what the influence that my grandmother had over me because of her consistent prayer, because of her desire to see me walk with the Lord. It really did shape my life. I think sometimes mothers, they look at what’s happening in their families and they’re looking for this picture perfect thing where the dad comes downstairs every day and the birds are singing and gather around. When she sees that’s not happening, she gives up and she becomes frustrated. What I’m hearing you say is don’t give up because God’s using your interaction with your children every day. You’re the one who God is saying, “If your husband’s not going to do it, you’re going do it and it’s going to have an impact on the lives of your kids.”
[Patrick] Yep. Absolutely. I just finished up my doctoral studies at in discipleship. I wrote my dissertation on discipleship in the home. What you’re describing is absolutely true and consistent with all of the research out there. I mean all of the research would suggest that we as parents are the primary influencers in a child’s life. In an ideal world, that’s a mom and dad. In God’s vision, that’s a mom and a dad. But God uses a mom or sometimes it’s a dad by himself. So I would absolutely say keep being faithful and keep going. Don’t be discouraged. God can use you right where you’re at.
[Heidi] Yeah. It’s so important for parents to hear that. Now I’m going to ask you to sort of talk to the men who are listening because I know that there are a lot of guys listening to this right now and the Holy Spirit, like they can feel it. They know that they’re not leading their family spiritually. They know that they haven’t cracked open the Bible with their family in a hundred years. Maybe they feel like, well, it’s too late. Why bother now? We’re in this rhythm now. It’s not going to make any difference. Maybe he doesn’t have a wife that’s longing. I have this theory. Jay and I have been married for a long time. I know you guys have been married for a long time also. So one of our favorite things to talk about, Jay and I, is marriage. We love to talk about our marriage and sometimes other people’s marriages.
But we love what God does through marriage. One of the things that we’ve observed over time is that the principles in God’s word absolutely have born out in our lives. Sometimes we obey them and sometimes we don’t. Hopefully we do most of the time. But I have observed in my own life, and I see this in the women that I counsel and talk to around the nation. I think women are born responders. They’re born to respond to the loving leadership of their husbands. I’m wondering if you’ve observed that too. Can you talk to the husband who has forgotten that his wife longs for and needs that leadership in her home? This is how God has created us to interact as husbands and wives.
[Patrick] Yeah, I would absolutely agree. Again, I think when you open up the scriptures and you look at Genesis one, Genesis two, Genesis three, I mean clearly God calls man to a level of spiritual responsibility, leadership, whatever you want to call that. God commands Adam to love and to lead in such a way that he’s representing God, he’s protecting his wife. So I think you see that in the pattern of creation and we’re living in a day and time where that idea is being challenged or questioned. I really do think that God calls a man in the home to lead in a particular way to lay down his life in the same way that Christ loves the church. There is nothing more for a man.
I wrote a blog post years ago called Be Ambitious But Be Ambitious At Home. I think there are so many men who are ambitious in the workplace and they see their primary responsibility is going out and providing financially. I would say all of that is good. It’s necessary, it’s important, but don’t miss the greater calling is to be ambitious at home, to be a spiritual leader and influencer for your family. That is the most important thing you could possibly give your life to is helping your kids grow up to love Jesus and to follow him someday.
[Heidi] Yeah, that’s right. And developing those habits, those liturgies that will shape not only our hearts, but they shape an entire family. When the dads listening to this or a couple and they’re going, “Yeah, I really want to get into that,” they realize that they want to. Because we’re in a brand new year. This is a great time to make a change. It’s a great time to say, “You know what, we want to see our family stronger in the Lord and to know his word and to recognize that in our home, we value the study of God’s word and we value getting to know the Lord and to each other.” Yet I’m hearing because you and I have both been there, all the obstacles, all the things that are in the way of us trying to do that every day and the excuses that we make.
Can you talk to that family and sort of give them some encouragement as to how they can start to create those habits of getting in the word? I love the Faith Forward Family Devotional because it’s a practical tool to help them, but they also have to be willing to set the time aside. What does that look like?
[Patrick] Yeah, I would I guess encourage any family, first of all, to start small. I would assume that those listening to the podcast are probably in all different places when it comes to family devotions. Maybe some of you that are listening are doing devotions already and it’s a regular habit or rhythm that is in your home. There’s probably others that maybe are not doing them at all. So I guess I would encourage listeners to first and foremost start small. If you’re not doing family devotions or you don’t have some of those rhythms at all, then start small.
Maybe that looks like a family for the first time just saying, “We’re going to start doing family devotions three times a week.” We’re not going to dive in and say we’re going to do it seven times, but we’re going to start three times a week and we’re going to gather maybe just before the kids go to bed and we’re going to open up a resource like Faith Forward Family Devotional or another resource that we feel like is more appropriate to our family and we’re going to set that as a priority as we go into a new year. That’s something that we’re going to begin doing is as a family. I would encourage families to start small. I would say be consistent as much as you can. I’m a firm believer that that kids need structure, they love structure, they need freedom and structure. I think any time we can sort of create structure with consistent rhythms is a positive thing when it comes to shaping our kids’ hearts.
Then I think the third thing that comes to mind is be realistic. I think the reality is that life happens, and I think we need to be realistic about maybe the season of life we’re in. I think parents make one of two mistakes. They can sort of say, “Well, none of it is up to us. God’s going to save my kids and he does all of the work.” Or they err on the other side and they say it’s all up to us and they become very legalistic and a home becomes very rigid. I think that the biblical view is somewhere in between, that God does use us and he does command us to live and love and lead in a certain way. Yet it is God’s grace that will save our kids in the same way that his grace saved us by faith.
I think we need to be realistic with ourselves, with what God has called us to and sometimes just to give ourselves a little bit of grace. Ultimately this is God’s work and he’s the one that has the power to save our kids, to shape our kids. We want to be faithful to the calling that he has for us as a family, but we also want to trust in his saving work in Christ.
[Heidi] Yeah, I love that because I can hear the shackles come off and I think it’s easy. I’ve gone through seasons in my parenting when our 28 year old was probably 11, 12, 13 and we were really getting into homeschooling. I started thinking maybe homeschooling is the thing. Maybe if we just homeschool our kids, they’ll walk with the Lord. I had a season where I became very legalistic and sucked the joy right out of it, right? Sucked the joy right out of family devotions. We took the joy out of out of education. I remember my husband and I going out to breakfast one morning and him just saying to me, “Heidi, this isn’t on you. This is on the Lord working with you and working with me.” There was such freedom in it. I so appreciate your heart to remind people that homeschooling is not the answer. Devotions every day is not the answer.
The answer is teaching our children by example first what it looks like to walk humbly with the Lord and to go to him in every situation. I think it’s so freeing. You’ve walked through some pretty deep water. I know you and I were talking about right before the show that in 2018 you were diagnosed with a blood cancer. I can imagine that that has impacted the way that you wrote. I was writing prayers for the battlefield when my nephew was almost killed in an accident and it changed the direction of the book I was writing because you can’t help it. You guys have gone through this really deep water and you’re coming out, praise the Lord on the other side of it. But I’m curious how that affected your family devotional time. Did it make it more difficult? Was it more necessary? Were you like, “Forget this thing.”? I mean, how do you walk through deep water and still maintain that walk with the Lord with your family?
[Patrick] Yeah, like you said, I was diagnosed on January 17th, 2018 and that just rocked our world. I think anybody that hears tragic news, if it’s the loss of a loved one or they hear the C word, they hear cancer, it immediately stops your world. You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut. There’s 1,000,001 things that run through your head and yet nothing at all at the same time. I think for us over the last two years as I’ve gone through treatment and by God’s grace, the cancer is now in remission. We look back and we just realize that, yeah, family discipleship looks so different. I mean, before cancer we were much more consistent in terms of sitting down and doing family devotions together and having those regular conversations.
Yet I think over the last two years, family discipleship has looked very different. That there were many, not just days, but weeks and months where I was too physically ill to do anything. I think family discipleship, it really is that combination of learning, of listening, of watching, of doing. Our family discipleship over the last two years looked very different. I remember calling my oldest sister shortly after I was diagnosed and she said to me, she meant it as an encouragement. It didn’t sound like an encouragement at the time, but she said to me, she said, “Pat,” she said, “For 20 years, or almost 20 years, you’ve been preaching and teaching.” And she said, “All eyes are upon you.” And I thought, “Well, that’s not very encouraging.”
But after I thought about that for a couple of moments and before I went into the house, I got the news while I was on my way home in the car. But before I went into the house, I really thought about that. I thought, you know what? We have an incredible opportunity as I do as a father, as a husband, we do as a couple to model for us before our kids’ very eyes what it looks like to walk with God, to trust God and to be obedient to him even in our darkest season. I think regardless of the season you’re in, family discipleship will likely look and feel a little bit differently. But it really is that combination of learning, listening, watching, but also doing.
[Heidi] It’s so powerful and it really does shape you. I know that there are a lot of people who are walking through deep water right now and their desire is to walk with the Lord. I think what you’re doing just in walking through this for everyone to see and just making the struggle public. I know that when when my nephew was almost killed, we made a very conscious decision to make our struggled public, partly to ask for prayer and partly because we knew we may not get another chance to say, “Listen, this world isn’t all there is. We’re just passing through.” I mean every day that goes by I’m a little happier that I’m not going to stay here. It’s amazing what it does. I think it encourages us to say, “Okay, we really are only here for a little while.” And God says, “I’ve already ordained your days for you. I’ve already numbered them.”
I don’t know. I feel like for me, and as I’m sort of watching you and have been watching Ruth walking through this with you, has really encouraged me and bolstered my desire to pass on my faith to my children in the time that God has given me. Has it kind of had the same effect on you?
[Patrick] It really has. I’ve thought a lot about just Jesus, his time with his disciples and that tension that we all feel as of there is sort of this sense of urgency to teach our kids and to love them and to serve them and to equip them to engage the culture to live in the world. Yet there’s also this reality that that’s the spirit of God’s work, that he’s the one who is at work in their lives to teach them and to train them and to ultimately lead them to saving faith in Jesus. I think walking through cancer over the last two years has given me an all new sort of sense of urgency to pass on faith and to hopefully equip my kids by God’s grace to walk with God long after I’m gone.
I think I was writing Faith Forward Family Devotional, I was telling you before we started recording this, that I was writing some of this while I was in for my first stem cell transplant. I had my first stem cell transplant in July of 2018. I remember sitting in the hospital bed writing some of these devotions before I couldn’t any longer. This book in particular is especially important to me, important to Ruth. I hope that it’s a real blessing and encouragement for many families that they would share in that sense of urgency that we only have so much time to be able to influence our kids while they’re in our home. It’s such an incredible responsibility, such a great privilege. I really do hope that this is one among many resources that will help a parent do just that.
[Heidi] Well I know that it’s going to, and I know that God is already working in the work that you have been doing even through walking through cancer and all the work that you’ve been doing with Ruth over these many years. I am encouraged just talking to you. So thank you so much for coming on the show. If people want to find you on the internet, where is the best place for them to do that?
[Patrick] Well there’s a couple of different places. They can go to the BetterLifeMinistry.org, which is home to the BetterMom.com and also for the Family.org. If they want to follow along with Ruth and I, we also are on Instagram and you can find me @PatrickWSchwenk on Instagram and @RuthSchwenk on Instagram as well.
[Heidi] Right on. If you guys want more information about Ruth and Patrick Schwenk and their ministry to families, I will link back to all things Schwenk family over at the show notes today. You can find that information at HeidiStJohn.com/podcast. I want to encourage you to check out their new book, the Faith Forward Family Devotional. I think it’s going to be the perfect resource for you guys. I know you’re busy and you want to pass on your faith to your children, and this is going to give you all the tools that you need to start that journey and continue on with encouragement. Patrick, thank you so much for coming on the show.
[Patrick] Thank you so much. It was a privilege to talk with you today.
[Heidi] If you guys want information about where I will be in the next couple of months, please check out my schedule online, HeidiStJohn.com/events. This is the beginning of a very busy season for me. I’m speaking almost every weekend from now until March because my new little grand baby Juniper is coming in April and I’m taking the month of April off to be with my daughter. So I hope you guys will come out and see me January through March this year and then I’ll hit the road back in May again. I want to thank you guys for listening. Thanks for leaving reviews for the podcast over at iTunes and for reviewing the books at Amazon. We really appreciate your views and your encouragement. We love you guys. Have a great weekend, and I’ll see you back here on Monday.
Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682
Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 11100 NE34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682
Mothers are many things. We are nurturers, chauffeurs, cooks, short-order cooks and first-aid providers. We are shoulders to cry on, advice-givers, drivers ed teachers, and broken heart menders. But the most important role we play in the lives of our kids is the role of teacher. As a homeschool mom, I learned a lesson very early in my mothering journey. Where students and teachers are concerned, it’s the teacher learns the most. After all, we can’t teach what we don’t understand. David acknowledges His need to be taught by the Lord in Psalm 143:10. That means we need to learn to follow. Are we being led by the Lord? Today’s question is from a wife whose husband is emotionally absent. Your marriage is worth fighting for!
Transcribed version of podcast is below.
Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse
Resources Mentioned In Podcast
All Things Heidi
Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!
Don’t Miss These!
TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey, you guys. This is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast. I’m so glad you guys have joined me. Today is Wednesday, I can’t even believe it, January 8th, 2020. This is episode number 869. And today I’m going to encourage you in the direction of learning to be led. Stick around. I think you’re going to be encouraged.
So thanks for tuning in today. I’m excited today. I’m four days into my cruise at FPEA. I get to know a bunch of people here on the ship and encouraging people in their marriages. You guys, listen. You don’t have to go on a cruise to nurture your marriage. You don’t have to go. Don’t put your marriage on cruise control, all right? This is something that’s been on my mind lately. Jay and I have been talking a lot about what it takes to build a strong relationship. And the fact of the matter is, is just work. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of commitment. It’s a lot of forgiveness. Todd Wilson’s doing a talk here on the ship that says taking out the garbage and other sexy turn-ons. I was like, “Yeah, you right.” It’s true. The stuff that marriage is made of is not glamorous.
But, I hope you guys are really focusing because it’s January, especially. This is a great time of year for us to sort of really assess where we’re going this year and what’s important to us. And here at the podcast, we’re doing the same thing, really looking ahead to see what we want to do and where we’re going as a ministry. We hope you guys are blessed. We would love to hear from you. Speaking of the podcast, would love to hear from you. You guys can reach out to us at heidistjohn.com/mailboxmonday, and you can leave your comments there and even questions. We would really love to hear from you.
Speaking of hearing from you, I’m going to be in Lakeland, Florida. I’m going to keep saying it, you guys. We’d love to see you register. Grab your women’s ministry team, grab your neighbor, your sister, your mother, and come out February 21st through 22nd to Lakeland, Florida. I will link back to the registration in the show notes today. I will be speaking there, along with my friend Elizabeth Johnston, and we’re going to help you guys get off the bench and onto the battlefield. The Bible teaches us that our faith is not a private faith. Our faith should be a faith that speaks. So, you guys are going to be so encouraged. I’ve already written six sessions for this, and I cannot wait to see what God will do through your faithfulness and just the study of the word with us. So, don’t forget your Bible. I’ll have lots of books and stuff there for you.
Also, we’ve got a brand new off the bench swag in the store. You guys need to check it out. Super awesome stuff coming. We’ve got postcards there. Lots of really cool new things in the store for you to encourage the other mothers around you to get off the bench and onto the battlefield.
All right. Something’s been on my heart lately. And whenever I do the Wednesday podcast, it’s usually just something I’m taking from my devotion, something that God is teaching me. And the other day, I read a psalm that I thought was really good, and I wanted to share it with you. Psalm 143:10, “May your gracious spirit lead me on a firm footing.” And as I was thinking about this, I was thinking about mothers in particular. Mothers are many things, aren’t we? We’re nurturers, and chauffeurs, and cooks, and short order cooks, and first aid providers. We’re shoulders to cry on. We’re advice givers. We’re driver’s ed teachers, which is actually one of my least favorite roles, and we’re broken heart menders, another one of my least favorite roles.
But the most important role that we play in the lives of our children is the role of teacher. And as a homeschool mom, I learned a lesson very early in my mothering journey. Where students and teachers are concerned, it’s the teacher that learns the most, right? Remember, I’m always telling you guys you can’t pass on what you don’t possess. You can’t teach what you don’t understand. And David in Psalm 143 acknowledges his need to be taught by the Lord. And he’s saying, “Teach me to do your will, for your my God. May your gracious spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” And I love David’s humility. Because I would imagine by this time in his life, David had become keenly aware of his need for guidance from the Lord. And if we’re not aware of our need for guidance, mom and dad, we’re going to struggle.
I can think back on literally thousands of decisions, large and small, that I’ve made over 28 years of mothering, and one thing is for sure: My wisdom, my earthly, my human wisdom is not reliable. God’s wisdom, on the other hand, is reliable. And life is teaching us a lot of things, right? And some of them are hard lessons. Many of us have probably had seasons in our lives we weren’t in God’s word. So our time with God might be sporadic. I came out recently from a time like that, and it’s usually because it’s a busy season of life or there’s a time of change that’s happening, such as we welcome a new child into our family. But one of the harder lessons that I have learned, and I’m continuing to learn, is how important it is for me to seek God’s help every single day.
And by seeking His help, you guys, I’m not, I’m not talking about a legalistic attitude, like I have to be in the Bible or God’s mad at me or I have to have my quiet time or my prayer time because it’s something I do on my list. You guys, the truth is I have discovered that I am utterly lost without the guidance of the Lord, utterly lost. And I can’t give good advice to people who come and ask me, I can’t give good counsel to my children unless I am asking the Holy Spirit to lead me. And I think human as we are, our tendency to rely on ourselves is enormous, especially if we’re not facing a giant.
So when we face a giant … Remember, I said before, I feel like we live in this sort of state of reactive Christianity. And this is true across the board, I think in, in Christendom, in Christianity at large. I think we tend to live in a state of reactive Christianity. So when we’re doing fine, and our bills are paid, and our kids are healthy, and our marriage is good, we don’t rely on the Lord. We tend to let our quiet time slip. Our reliance on the Lord doesn’t seem so important, right? But when we get that phone call, or when we get that text message, or when we get that diagnosis, all of a sudden, our reactive Christianity kicks in and we go, “Oh my goodness. We’re facing a giant. We need the Lord.”
So if you’re not facing a giant right now, I want to encourage you, this is the time to hunker down and prepare for the time when you will be. Because throughout scripture, God encourages us to seek Him for wisdom. So I want to encourage you, no matter what season of life you’re in right now, to seek the Lord today and every day and ask Him to lead you forward, like David did, on firm footing. And as we cry out to the Lord, He assures us that He’s listening. He says He’s longing to teach and guide us along every step of the journey that we’re on. Because the most important role we’re ever going to play in the lives of our children is to teach them what it looks like to be led by the Holy Spirit, to be taught by the Holy Spirit.
I know some of you are listening to this and you want to be led, but you just don’t know how. Maybe you’re out of hope. Maybe you’ve asked the Lord for direction and you feel like you didn’t get it. And hope is the anticipation, isn’t it, that our needs are going to be met. David understood this also. In Psalm 39, he said, “Lord, on who do I wait?” Then he answers his own question. “My hope is in you.” And hope doesn’t come from our human ability or come from our strength. It comes from the Lord. And God is the source of hope. Again, David notes this in Psalm 71, “For you, oh Lord, are my hope and my trust. From my youth, upon you I have leaned from my birth. You are the one who took me from my mother’s womb. My praise is continually of you.”
And you know where else hope comes from? And this is why I’m going to go back to, kind of circle back, I guess, to encouraging you to be led by the Lord. Hope it comes from … It’s a product of walking closely with the Lord. That’s where it comes from.
On Friday, I’m going to have my friend Patrick Schwenk on the podcast with me. Some of you guys will be familiar with his wife, Ruth, who is the founder of The Better Mom. I love Ruth. I love her heart and her passion for the Lord. The Schwenk have been through a lot recently because in 2017 Patrick was diagnosed with a blood cancer. He and I were talking about what that does to your soul. And hope comes out of times like that because we’re walking with the Lord. In John 15 verses four to five, it says, “Abide in me, and I in you.” This is Jesus talking, right? “As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine. You are the branches. He who abides in me and I in him bears much fruit. For without me, you can do nothing.”
But then, the apostle Paul in writing to the church in Philippi, of course, in Philippians chapter four says, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” And we want to be assured. Our hope is in the Lord. Assured that He’s listening, that He’s longing to guide us, and then learning to let Him actually lead us so that we can teach our children to do the same. This is the most important thing you’ll ever do, men and women, is to learn to be led by God, be led by the Holy Spirit.
I’m going to take a couple of minutes now and answer some questions. You guys have been great sending me questions. Please keep them coming. You can turn them into me and heidistjohn.com/podcasts. The first one comes from a military mama. She says, “Heidi, when times are hard and my husband turns away from our conversations and I have no one to turn to but the Lord, who should I talk to? There were whole years of my life when I lived in deep depression. My husband didn’t want to talk from what seemed like a blatant avoidance of his emotional responsibility, and I became sad, lonely, and bitter.”
This question comes up a lot. There is no such thing, by the way, as a perfect marriage. But, God would have us constantly be going back to Him, letting Him lead us. We want God to lead us in our marriages. We want Him to lead us in our parenting. And I’m going to encourage you today to fight for your marriage. If you’ve got an emotionally distant spouse, usually there’s a reason for that. There’s a great article by Gary Smalley online. I’ll link back to in the show notes today. He says that when we feel threatened, we build emotional walls that don’t allow our spouse into the deepest parts of our hearts and mind. And the emotional distance can cause, and obviously it does cause, marriage problems.
He goes on to give a great example. He says, “The East German government built the Berlin Wall in 1961, telling citizens and the world that its purpose was to protect against the invasion of fascist. Of course, the wall was really intended to stop massive immigration from East Berlin to West Berlin. And 26 years later, in a speech given near the wall, President Ronald Reagan spoke of freedom, reform, and openness, and he also spoke some memorable words, and this is what he said. ‘If you seek peace, if you seek prosperity, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” You guys remember that? I do. President Reagan did not threaten to tear down the wall, but the changes were in the works in Eastern Europe. And in 1989, the wall was open.
And when we feel emotionally threatened in our marriage, what we tend to do is build walls, right? Not physical walls, but emotional walls, relational walls that are expressed in our body language, our words, and our attitudes. And those things are meant to help us feel safe. So the problem is that those walls don’t allow our spouse into the deepest part of our hearts and minds, and then the emotional distance causes problems. So, I’m going to encourage you. I’m going to link back to this in the show notes today. Gary goes into talking about what you might see and what you might feel, and then he’s going to walk you through the process of leaning into the Holy Spirit. He talks about honoring the walls. I mean, keep in mind, he says, “Your spouse has built a wall for a reason.” And particularly I think …
I hear about this a lot from my friends whose husbands have been in the military. I hear a lot about things that have happened to them out on the field or experiences that they’ve had that have caused them to build walls. They feel maybe unsafe or they’re trying to keep their wife safe. So their attempt to do that, obviously not handling it the best way, but to realize that the walls are there for a reason. And we want to care about the feelings of the person behind the wall as well as the feelings, our own feelings, and our own needs. So part of that is just realizing maybe we’ve been unsafe. It’s empathizing. Maybe my husband’s building a wall because I haven’t been available to him.
Sometimes, now, nobody get mad, but sometimes that two-way street, the wife has withheld sexually from her husband because she feels like he is not relating to her. This happens all the time. He doesn’t give me the emotional need that I need to feel safe and close to him. And so because I don’t feel that safeness in that closeness emotionally with him, I can’t give him the sexual release that he’s looking for in the sexual closeness that he desires, and so this … It becomes this back and forth. And instead of focusing on the needs of the other person, we dig our heels and we focus on our own needs.
Satan’s going to attack you guys that God created marriage, right? Marriage has been under attack since it was created. He created it in Genesis chapter two. And in the very next chapter, Genesis three, verse one, Satan attacks it. There isn’t a single verse of separation before Satan goes after what God created. And you got to remember he’s the father of lies. He’s going to try to convince you that your marriage is too much work, that it’s never going to get better, that your life would be easier with somebody else. So I want to remind you of first Peter, five, eight. Peter says, “We are to be sober-minded and watchful because we have an adversary, and his name is Satan, and he’s literally prowling around for someone to devour.” And the very first place you’ll look in the culture right now is your marriage. Absolutely.
So I’m going to encourage you to trust that the Lord can heal your marriage, and that God can use it for your own good, and to get help. And it looks to me like that’s what you’re doing, and I really appreciate that you’re doing that. There are lots of great resources online, and I want to just encourage you. I’ll link back to them in the show notes today. Fight for your marriage, all right? Fight for your marriage.
Last question I’m going to answer today, or at least try to, comes from Angie. She says, “Thank you so much for your podcast. My husband and I had truly been blessed by it.” Thank you, Angie. She said, “I was recently at TTD in Columbus.” So, that’s been almost a year. I’ll be back again, because I love speaking for Teach Them Diligently. She said, “I heard about a comment, a comment about why Christian colleges are preferable. Living in Columbus, we always assumed that we would send our kids to OSU and stay close to home and keep attending the church we’re involved in, which has a very strong student ministry. I want to take more time now to think through the benefits of a Christian college.”
So here’s a couple of things I want to say. I’m going to go back to what I’m always saying, which is I camp out on this verse a lot. Luke 6:40, “When a student is fully trained, he’ll be like his teacher.” Just because a college says it’s a Christian college doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a Christian college. Your kids are going to come into contact with kids whose parents sent them there because they thought it would be safe, but that child is in open rebellion against the Lord. There’s a myriad of things that can go wrong, so I wouldn’t rely on just the fact that a college calls itself a Christian college. I’ve been to Christian colleges, and been to campuses, and talked to professors at universities that claim to be Christian and I left going, “Well, I do not want my kid going there,” and so at least … Part of me thinks at least when you send them to a secular university you know that you’re sending them into a secular environment and you can prepare them for that. I think sometimes we send them into a Christian college and we just think, “Oh, this’ll be fine,” and we don’t prepare them, and then they wind up in this … in secular environment that has sort of been Christianized, if that makes any sense at all.
So that said, I’m a huge fan of Christian universities and a huge fan of Christian education as a general rule. So if I had the opportunity to choose, I would choose a Christian education and a Christian college over a secular one. But I just want to encourage you away from a place of complacency and thinking, “Well, if I just do this, then everything’s going to be fine and that’ll be the end of it.” I think that’s kind of a way for us to get lulled to sleep a little bit and sort of check out emotionally and spiritually. So I would check out your options.
And wherever you send your kids to school, in the years that you have leading up to your kids going to school, oh my goodness, you guys, pray for them. Disciple them. Teach them. Don’t waste the opportunity that God has given you to speak into the lives of your children. Then when they go away to college, stay in contact with them and pray for them.
And one other thing, a caveat here that you didn’t ask, but I’m going to offer this anyway. You’re welcome. I don’t think all kids need to go to college. And in fact, I’m going to take that a step further. I don’t think that most kids need to go to college. If you’re going to become a teacher, a doctor, an ultrasound technician, if you want to become a dentist, obviously there are some … an attorney. There are obviously a lot of jobs that require a four-year university degree or an eight-year. Maybe you need to get your master’s degree. But, I think we need kids in trade schools. We need to be training our kids to be entrepreneurs.
In the ’80s when I went to college, everybody said, “Well, you have to go to college,” and we didn’t even know what we were doing there. We were just going. I want to really steer you away from embracing that mentality and instead say, “Lord, what have you uniquely created my kids to do, and where can they best do that?” Some of your kids are going on to mission field. Some of them are going to ministry. Really be praying for the Lord to show you what He wants your children to do.
Our son Spencer right now is attending Portland Bible College here in Portland, Oregon, and we really love it. He wants to go into ministry, so he’s working part time at Costco and he’s going to school. I have another son who’s training at the Paul Mitchell School of Hair Design in downtown Portland. And oh my goodness, you guys. In all honesty, I would not have picked that for him, but I am watching God do something in his life while he’s there and having the opportunity to minister in the lives of men and women who come down there. So, trust the Lord that he can work in the lives of your kids. Pray for your children, and look at all the different angles of where they’re looking to go to school to further their education and ask God to give you wisdom. The Bible says in James chapter one that if we lack it, God will give us the wisdom that we need to make right decisions.
All right. I hope you guys have been encouraged. Don’t forget to register for Faith that Speaks. I will be all over the country with that conference, and we will be announcing more women who are going to be me out on the road, so check it out. Lakeland, Florida, that’s happening in February the 21st and 22nd. I’m telling you what’s going to be a weekend that will change your life. I can’t wait to come out and see you. Make sure that when you register you choose your t-shirt size and then get ready for a fantastic weekend. We’re going to give you a lunch, and a swag bag, and we’re going to equip you for the battlefield. We sure love you guys. Thanks for your support of the podcast and for leaving reviews for it. We read it every single one of them. Have a great day, and I’ll see you back here with my friend Patrick on Friday.
Write to Heidi:
Heidi St. John
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682
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