Don’t Make Me Come Up There—And Other Things I Yelled Last Week

Do you have grumpy children? Me too. The other day, my four year old daughter glared at me. I glared back. We had a stare-down. Yeah. That’s my maturity level sometimes. Honestly? I was just out of grace. I was tired.

The spring sun was shining through the windows, but instead of seeing the sunshine, I saw grime that needed to be cleaned. Fingerprints. Dirt.  I looked around me. The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off under the sink—and dishes, like shrapnel had exploded all over the place. There were dishes in family room, in the office and even on the stairs. I started to clean the mess up, but as I cleaned, my attitude worsened. The kitchen laundry hamper was full of kitchen towels. Schoolbooks were strewn across the kitchen table and someone’s newly acquired newt had taken residence on top of the piano.

I’d love to tell you that I acted perfectly, but I didn’t. I freaked out. I called a meeting. Okay. Not really. I yelled for the kids. “Kids!! Get down here!!”  I waited. Nothing.  I yelled louder. “Don’t make me come up there!”

In a few minutes, four pairs of eyes were staring at me from the couch. I laid it out so that they would be sure to understand.

“How many times to I have to tell you?? Dishes go here, not there! Look at the family room! It’s a mess! Schoolbooks go back on the shelf! What’s wrong with you??”

They trudged to their assigned chores, whining and complaining.

… “and STOP COMPLAINING!” I wailed.

Probably not my best parenting moment.

It hit me that evening after I put the kids to bed. Weary and discouraged, I had forgotten how truly blessed I was.  In so many ways, mothers set the tone at home, and I know it! I speak on this topic all the time, and I was setting the tone alright, but it wasn’t a very nice one. I was being selfish and ungrateful.

There I was, expecting them to help out around the house and not complain—but I was complaining.

I was expecting the kids to joyfully obey me—but I was not joyfully obeying my Father.

PPSA_joyful worker

If we want our children to be joyful, we need to be joyful. The example starts with us. We light the way for little feet to walk behind us. We can’t give our kids what we don’t have. And while bad days don’t make bad moms, consistent complaining and grumbling will not bring about the righteousness of God that you are trying to instill into your kids.

We need the Lord do to this parenting thing right. Don’t forget to keep drawing from well that will never run dry, busy mom! You can do all things—even hard things—through Christ who gives you  everything you need.

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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

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About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

18 thoughts on “Don’t Make Me Come Up There—And Other Things I Yelled Last Week

  1. C. Lyn Miller

    Modeling and teaching that joy comes from The Lord so that whether you are present or absent their joy may remain:
    Neh.12:43, “Also that day they offered great sacrifices, and rejoiced, for God had made them rejoice with great joy; the women and the children also rejoiced, so that the joy of Jerusalem was heard afar off.”
    Ps.5:11, “But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You;
    Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them;
    Let those also who love Your name
    Be joyful in You.”
    Jn.15:11, “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”-Jesus
    Rom.15:13, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
    http://www.riseupandwalkwithMe.wordpress.com

    Reply
  2. TrixyG

    Thank you Heidi! That little message left me with a lot to think about this morning. Sometimes as a mom, a homeschooling mom especially, I get into such a routine that I don’t think about what I am doing, how I’m responding, or what I’m saying. I am in a comfortable RUT. But I sure can belt out the commands :). The Lord is so gracious to us!!! Thank you again for that reminder.

    Reply
  3. Jessica

    THANK YOU! I thought something was up w my 3 yr old too! It’s hard w 7 kids… Lots of work and energy spent, I love me’ but some days are harder than others. This was a great reminder… I set the tone. Today my tone is: homeschool at panera!

    Reply
  4. Jane McNaughton

    I’ve noticed, too, that I have the ability to set the tone for my husband when he walks in the door from work. Yes, we all choose our own attitudes/reactions, but if I am cranky and short, my husband will soon mirror that — even if he walked in the door smiling and happy! Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair that I have to always be the “good example” (that’s my whiny side coming thru!!), but it is good motivation for me to be walking in the joy of the Lord! Thanks for the reminder!!

    Reply
  5. Becky

    Once again, your plain and simple logic has bitten me in the butt. Thanks for that (really!) I printed that nifty little picture and posted it on my kitchen cupboard. Love me my Busy Mom reminders!!!

    Reply
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  7. Brittany S

    So encouraging. I needed this badly this week. This website’s blog posts have been such a blessing in my life.
    Thank You!

    Reply
  8. Carolyn M.

    My favorite part of this post:
    “How many times do I have to tell you?? Dishes go here, not there! Look at the family room! It’s a mess! Schoolbooks go back on the shelf! What’s wrong with you??”
    They trudged to their assigned chores, whining and complaining.
    … “and STOP COMPLAINING!” I wailed.

    This is a perfect example of why I love your ministry. You.Are.Real. You do not profess to always have it together, and for this I am grateful. So many times what we moms need is a reminder that we are not alone in our parenting snafus. So many buy in to the lie that because we are Christians we should look and act a certain way all the time. The day I freed myself from the lie of thinking I had to look like the “perfect” homeschooling mom, was a wonderful day. The enemy is crafty though, and the slope to comparing myself to others is steep, this is where I need Jesus to hold me up. If I can look up to Him, it helps keep my eyes from looking down that slope. Thank you for all your encouragement, you are a blessing!

    Reply
  9. Lisa J

    I love your post. I respect you tremendously, and to see your openness and honesty blesses me. It is always nice to be reminded that the people you esteem are just that – people – just like you. 🙂 God bless you for your humility.

    Reply
  10. Stephanie

    Joy. I have been praying for joy because this article has been me lately!!! Seeing all the mess and not leaving room for joy, laughter and fun. Asking God to open my eyes to the joy.

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Nehemiah 8:10 “The joy of the Lord is my strength!” Praying right there with you, Stephanie! May He open our eyes to the beauty in the mundane and the joy… even in the middle of the mess. Blessings!

      Reply

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