Oops. I did it again.
Nagged. Corrected. Rolled my eyes. Sighed.
When will I ever learn?
I like to talk about marriage on Fridays. But I won’t lie to you—I didn’t want to write about marriage this week. Life has been hard
these past few days. It’s been a rough week for me and my beloved. And when I say “beloved,” I’m serious. This man I married, he is the other half of me. The best half. He’s the keel that keeps me and all my crazy ideas in orbit around planet earth. Without him, I’d be orbiting some other planet, no doubt. He soothes my anxious heart. He’s patient. He’s kind. He’s rock-solid and steady. People like him. And, he thinks I’m hot. Goodness knows that after seven children and stretch marks that take up most of my torso, I need his affirmation.
Yes, he drives me crazy. In all the good ways, and some of the bad.
I’m a “shoot and ask questions later” kind of woman. Jay waits. I say what I’m thinking. Jay’s quiet until he knows what he wants to say. (I could learn from that.) Something that the Lord has been teaching me this week is that I am prone to correcting my husband when I should be quiet. There. I said it. Sorry if you think less of me. (The line is forming to the left.)
Lately, I’ve heard that “still small voice” a little bit louder. God is reminding me to affirm my husband. To love him. To let him lead. (Tough for a woman like me.) This morning, I had to chuckle as I was reading my Bible. It was so funny in fact, that I snapped a picture of it.
Okay, okay. I get it. But what really stood out to me was that last part: “To restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in ones’ right hand.”
Boy, that’s the truth. Husbands are not to “control” their wives. Wives are to be self-controled. To be guided by the Holy Spirit. To love and respect their husbands. Nagging is the opposite of respect, isn’t it? Nagging says, “I don’t like the way you do this. Do it my way instead.” Nagging breeds resentment. I’ve been around nagging women. Lord, help me to be more like you and less … like me.
Let’s face it. We need more of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Wonderful things happen when we allow Him to have His way. Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. It’s evidence that God is at work in my heart and that I’m listening.
If you’re struggling with self-control in this area, you’re not alone, believe me. Let’s give it to the Lord and be the encouragers we were meant to be. The obvious beneficiary of a wife who does not nag is her husband, but I receive a blessing too. The blessing that comes from learning when to speak and when to be quiet. Our sons and daughters will be blessed by our example, too.
Be a blessing,
I really needed this today! Thank you!
Erin, you’re welcome. Blessings on your marriage!
It is a choice we all have to make each day. I’m learning to let go and watch my husband lead. It’s not always the way I would do it but I’m learning that’s okay. Thank you for all you do.May God bless you and make his face to shine upon you.
Melissa
Boy, that’s the truth. We get to choose every day. Thanks for stopping by, Melissa! Welcome!
Your husband sounds a lot like mine. I too need to learn to be quiet and think before I speak. Thank you for this reminder and for your constant encouragement to women who are called to be wives, moms, and a homeschooling moms. What a blessing you are!!
🙂 Thank you Robin! You’ve made me smile today. Blessings to you—
Oh Heidi, thank you for sharing your heart. I needed to hear this. So many marriages are under attack, including my own – yet God has shown us both his grace and mercy and has empowered us to lay our relationship down at his feet. Thank goodness for God’s sweet messengers, such as yourself, to help others to see the truth!!
Many blessings!
Thank you Cynthia <3 Truly, our marriages are under fire and need to be protected. Blessings to you!
This was a blessing for me to read…I too do the same and also think of my husband as you do. I am learning when to keep my mouth shut and when I even really need to open it. I want to make sure I am not exerting authority God has never given me, even by just being a leaky faucet…husbands are a blessing a gift from The Lord and they need us to be by their sides trusting that the decisions and choices they are making are Gods. Ty for this blog:)
Robin, thanks for stopping by! Sounds like we are a lot alike 🙂
Thank you so much for your post. It’s been a rough week, and my husband shared with me that there is nothing that brings him happiness, not work (he’s unemployed), not me (especially), not even the kids. I keep trying to “fix” him, and I need to learn to let the Holy Spirit do the work in bringing him back to us in his heart. Thanks again! I always love your posts.
Thanks, Renee—hang in there. We all go through difficult seasons, don’t we? You’re right to lean into the Lord. He’s the one who gives us perspective and helps us keep growing. I appreciate your heart!
Thank you for this post and keeping it real. I know I’m still working on this myself.
Please check out my post about blessing your husband: http://littlepinkcasa.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-blessing-for-your-husband.html
Blessings,
Thanks Rosenda!
Wow…you hit the nail on the head for me today. I’ve been a quarrelsome wife for sure…and there is no way my husband can control me, the more he tries the more I rebel. But then again he hasn’t been the most wonderful husband all the time either. We have 3 little ones and my husband works from home so we are all together most of the time. I’m less than organized and tired all the time. Life has felt hard lately. I’ve felt like he’s been the one nagging at me, though….and I’ve been giving up on a lot of areas….because I just feel so tired. I guess I’m trying to say that prayers are welcome…and I really appreciate your post today.
Hang in there—we all work from home too so I know what you mean. It’s a constant, this need to bend with each other. Keep following the Lord 🙂
Keepin’ it real! That’s what I love about your posts…like you’re writing from my own heart. You are an inspiration.
You described me and my man!!!! Thanks for sharing and encouraging us daily.
🙂
This blog post couldn’t have come at a better time. Just last night my husband and I got in an argument because he said I wasn’t being supportive of his ideas. At first I was caught off guard because he exaggerated how un-supportive I was being, but as we talked I realized that I wasn’t being “un-supportive, but I also wasn’t showing any affirmation either and that was why he was acting out towards me.
That verse is so inspirational, and really lead me to take a longer look at myself and what I may be doing wrong, and not just assuming it is my husband. Thank you for keeping it real!
Don’t you love that we get to be real and grow together? 🙂 Love this, Madison!
After 44 years of marriage, I am still struggling with this, but I gave myself a real “test” of non-nagging….when husband, Joe, retired in 2008 I gave him a year of “no nagging”…that’s right A YEAR! I told him: “you’ve worked hard your whole life so if you want to recline and click the remote for the next 365 days…or play golf….or go fishing. Do it! I won’t give you “honey-do’s” for a year so you can find out what “retirement” will look like for you. I firmly believe that men have to “learn” how not to work. They identify so much with what they “do” rather than “who they are” that retirement can be scary. And…it worked…with the freedom to just have fun for that first year (with a couple of emergency repairs that I didn’t have to nag, they HAD to be done), he started playing golf on Mondays, re-joined Rotary on Tuesdays, joined a group of former military aviators called Old Bold Pilots on Wednesday, and started regular golf on Thursday. End result: he isn’t underfoot every day; he has a full, fun, calendar with plenty of time left for the “honey-do’s”. I should add that he bartered for an extra two months at the end of the 365 days because we had taken 3 cruises! 🙂
Awesome, Cathie! You’re “That Girl!” 🙂 Welcome to The Busy Mom’s blog, I’m glad you’re here!
What a cool idea! My dad just retired this year. This suggestion will be given to my mom!
Thank you so much for this post! This is just what I needed to read. xoxo
You’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
This post came at the perfect time 🙂 It made me smile after reading this post after a rough day of going over our family budget together. Always a rough topic, but once it is over with it always feels like a weight has been lifted 🙂
Thanks!
Danielle
Awesome, Danielle! We.Can.Do.This. … right!? 🙂 Welcome!
In this noisy world,it’s so good to have a voice like yours to remind me to be less “drippy”. You inspire me and keep me chuckling. Thank you!
You’re welcome, Jesi! You’ve made me smile too. 🙂