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Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John—welcome to my little corner of the Internet.

Today is Monday, May 6th, episode number 762. Also, this is Mailbox Monday. You guys know I love to answer your questions, and today we are going to answer the question on essential oils. A lot of you guys ask me about essential oils. I know a lot of you see me on the road with them, and so—I’ve asked my friend Melissa Crabtree to come on the show with me today—and we’re going to talk all things essential oils.

Stick around, we’re going to have some fun and I think you’re going to be encouraged.

All right. So you guys know that this is the time of year that I am out on the road, and this week I have a very busy week ahead of me. I will be leaving on Wednesday to fly to Teach Them Diligently in Mobile, and I’m excited. I love Teach Them Diligently, I love being there. I love to see what God is doing in your families. So come on out.

If you haven’t had a chance yet to visit me at a convention, this is a great time to do it. So I will be opening that event with a bang on Thursday—so coming out for that. And also, this Sunday I’m going to be bringing the message at Abundant Life Church in Lee’s Summit. And the Lord is but something so powerful, on my heart, for this particular weekend—for Mother’s Day weekend.

You guys have heard me say this many times. I really believe that when faith finds its feet in this generation of parents, we are going to see a culture shift. And so, I’m going to be speaking to you guys out of Psalm 127 for Mother’s Day. Come on out, it’s going to be a fantastic opportunity for you to get encouraged. Whether you have children or whether you don’t—this message is for you. So that’ll be this Sunday, May 12th, at Abundant Life Church in Lee’s Summit.

All right. I want to jump right in to the topic today, it’s mailbox Monday. I get questions quite a bit here at the podcast about essential oils. And you guys have heard me have my friend on here Dr. Edie Wadsworth has been on the show a couple of times with me. And today, I decided to go ahead and ask Melissa Crabtree to come on and talk with me about essential oils—because Melissa—well, a lot of you guys already know she’s my assistant. She’s worked with me for probably at least six years, and we love essential oils—and so, we take them on the road with us. I use them in my family all the time for lots of different things and they’ve been so helpful for me. So I thought it’d be fun to have Melissa come on and just chat it up about essential oils—101. Melissa, welcome to the podcast.

[Melissa] Hey, thanks for having me.

[Heidi] So this is kind of fun—you and I podcasting together. We don’t typically do this.

[Melissa] I know, it is kind of fun. I guess if we can’t have coffee together, we might as well podcast together, right?

[Heidi] Right? That’s one way to look at it. You’re going to be with me, though, this weekend, so it’s a great chance for people to meet you too—because you’ll be in Mobile with me, and also at Abundant Life for Mother’s Day.

[Melissa] Yeah. This is the second year we’ve spent Mother’s Day together. I was thinking about that. I’m excited about it.

[Heidi] I know! It’s gonna be great. I’m excited too. You and I, we talk essential oils all the time—because I was using them before I met you, and then I met you and I feel like you kind of opened my eyes to lots of different things that I could be using essential oils for. And over the years, you’ve had kind of fun to sort of experimenting with things. And so, I thought it’d be fun to give our listeners a little bit of a, just sort of our history, using essential oils.

Because a lot of people ask me—Do you use essential oils? and the answer is—absolutely, yes. So I thought I’d start by just asking you how you got into using essential oils, and how it’s been helpful for your family—because I know in a lot of places it’s really actually been life changing for you.

[Melissa] It definitely has. When I, about 12 years ago, I was researching a couple different things. My face broke out constantly. When I was 11, my face started breaking out and did not start stop breaking out, really. And then my daughter also had a really bad rash. And after seven weeks of using the prescription cream for it, and it only spreading— it started out the size of a quarter it ended up from head to toe—I started googling, and I thought—I think there are other things I can try. And lo and behold, I actually had some oils in my house that I tried. And within three days she was completely cleared up and it just opened my eyes to the fact that there is a lot out there that is so good for us to help our bodies work the way God created them to work. And they’re just good tools to have in our tool kit. We don’t have to always depend on modern medicine. Modern medicine is a great tool but I love having other tools in my house to take care of my people—right in my medicine cabinet.

[Heidi] Well it’s fun too, because we’re teaching our children—really, we’re setting an example like we do in all aspects of our lives. And I think we’re teaching our children also that they don’t have to be dependent on prescription drugs and things like that we’re teaching them. There are lots of tools they can put in their toolbox. Essential oils is definitely one of them. I started using them—I think it’s been about 10 years ago now, because someone mentioned them. The first thing I ever did was treat a sunburn and it was a wonderful way to just sort of soothe the sunburn, and I think up until that point I thought essential oils were, kind of you know—sort of a hippie thing.

Like, you know —I’m from Portland and a lot of people round here have got this sort of hippie mentality going on. And to be honest, I kind of ignored it until I saw this just amazing, this amazing healing that happened—and then I started researching uses for essential oils with anxiety and depression. Wich, anyone who’s listened to me for very long at all—knows that I spent a very large part of my early mothering, and particularly my young adult life—really struggling with panic attacks. And so I started researching what I could be doing to help with that with a more natural approach. And it’s been amazing and I wrote about this a little bit. It’s been amazing to me just to see how something the Lord gave us, which are these oils—because really, they come off of plants, and the healing properties they have are completely amazing.

[Melissa] Yeah it’s true and I want to take a second too, to make sure and say that we are not medical professionals, we’re not doctors, we’re not claiming to be doctors—and we’re not treating. We’re just sharing our stories. I think that’s really important to say, and we are gonna be real broad about what we’ve used, just because we want to make sure that we’re not we’re not giving medical advice.

So I want to make sure that we say that part to everybody who’s listening. But you’re right, they are tools to have in our toolkit along with a healthy diet, healthy food, good exercise to help our bodies. God created our bodies. One of the things that Dr. Edie often says is, she’ll say—we were not born with a deficiency in Zoloft, we were not born with a deficiency in Claritin, right? And God designed our bodies to work well, and through a fallen world and disease, and all of these things, our bodies are not working well a whole lot anymore. But there are ways we can help it work the way God created us to work. And that’s how we like to use oils is to help us work. Well, we’re thinking about a wellness aspect instead of a medicine.

[Heidi] Yeah. And so really, what we’re doing is we’re taking advantage of creation. I love that because really—once you start to see how powerful it is ot opens your eyes to so many other aspects of wellness, personal wellness. And for, I wrote—I think I Instagrammed, it must’ve been last week—I said that about three months ago I went sugar free. And the first two weeks of my sugar free diet—well, I talk to you through a lot of it—it was pretty hard. It was pretty rough. Oh my goodness, it was so difficult. But then I got over the hump of getting off of sugar—which I really discovered, pretty quickly, that I had kind of an addiction to sugar.

And once I got off of that, and started eating better—Oh my goodness—I’m thinking better, I feel better. And when you start feeling better, and your body starts working more in line with how God wants it to work—it’s amazing how it changes your perspective. So one of the big questions I get from people when they ask about essential oils is—are they safe? So that’s a good question. So Melissa, when people ask you about essential oils being safe—what’s the first thing that you’d like to tell people?

[Melissa] People ask this question all the time, they’re afraid essential oils are going to kill them or they’re gonna kill their cat. And what’s interesting is, we always say—are you asking is something safe? Go look in your pantry. When was the last time you asked those companies if any of those things were safe? Is sugar safe? Have you asked McDonald’s how safe their food ingredients are? —and things like that.

You know, we’re trying to measure essential oils in a way that we’re not measuring anything else that we’re putting in or on our bodies. So that’s actually kind of always a joke—but it’s really so true. Essential oils come from plants. They are very safe. They are very powerful. They are concentrated, and they are very powerful. They are very very safe.

There is not one recorded death from essential oils, anywhere. And if you compare that to heart disease, or medicines, or a whole lot of things like that—you know overdoses. There are a whole lot of recorded deaths from a whole bunch of other things. and there’s not one recorded from essential oils.

[Heidi] Right? And I think, it’s just like anything else—people don’t want to be stupid. Right? Please don’t be stupid. You know, you’re not going to want to take your peppermint bottle and drink it. That’s probably not the best use of peppermint. Although I will say, peppermint is something I keep with me all the time—oh my goodness. I use it for so many different things. Was it? It was Melissa—a couple of weeks ago when I was on the road with my family, and we have a Facebook group that we talk about oils and what we do with them—and it’s it’s really a lot of fun, And I opened up my travel kit and we were laughing—because I use so many of them for so many things, and as soon as my kids have a stomach ache they’ll be like—Mom, do you have any DiGize? because they know that it works. They know that it works. And I think that’s when we started to say hey—you’re actually right. Look at the last time that somebody died from an essential oils as opposed to all these prescription drugs that we hear about all the time that people are struggling with.

So when people say—well, what do you use them for? I’m like— oh my goodness, I used four for all kinds of things. What’s the best way, Melissa, when we talk about how we use essential oils—and let’s say someone’s listening to this, and they’re just thinking—maybe I should look into this. When we want to encourage someone to a good place to start using them. What is a good place to start?

[Melissa] So there are a lot of places you can get essential oils, all over our country and internationally. And one thing that I think is really important to know is they are not all equal. All bottles can say 100% pure grade essential oils, and that they only have to have like 3% essential oils in them to say that. So know that they are not all equal.

We’re talking specifically about Young Living Essential Oils, and Young Living owns or manages, handles—they have a very specific relationship with all of their farms. So we know exactly what is happening. There is never any sort of pesticide used in any of the dirt on the farms that we use. They use their own oils for pest control and things like that. Everything—they are actually higher than organic quality. So Young Living knows every single thing about it. And that’s what they call their Seed to Seal guarantee.

So we know that we can use them safely because of that. That just helps us know what we’re putting on our bodies and what we’re putting in our bodies. We can use them by we can rub them on our skin, we can use them by smelling them. And I want to say this — it’s really cool because it’s it’s one of the neatest things to know about how God made our bodies and how God made these oils to help us. When we rubbing oil on our skin within 2 to 3 minutes, it starts soaking into our bloodstream—I’ve heard two to three, I’ve also heard five to six—nd there some specific studies with answers on that—it soaks into our bloodstream. Within 20 to 30 minutes, those oils have touched every cell in your body. That’s one statistic, or specific info piece that I’ve heard.

Another one is that when we smell the oils, those molecules are affecting our emotions within seconds. And our emotional center of our brain is affected the most quickly by our sense of smell. And I just love it that they can be their tools that we can use so quickly. And then the other way, Young Living has a very specific Vitality line— it has recipes and directions—we can talk about those as supplements, and they’re made to support our body systems in very specific ways. And we have a lot we have so many ways to teach you and help you figure that out.

[Heidi] So, I think one of the things that I think, really practically when we talk about when we talk about oils and uses for oils—I always laugh because, well you know this Melissa because you’ve been around me for a long time—I‘m from the Pacific Northwest but I travel all the time with my family. And a couple of years ago we lived in Chattanooga, which I love—such an affinity for the beautiful city of Chattanooga. But I’ll tell you what—the south is like at Jurassic Park insect edition. It really is. I remember calling Melissa up and was like—dude, everything down here is trying to kill me. Like, there’s snakes. We don’t have this stuff in the Pacific Northwest. I was like—you people are fierce down here in the south, you know? Like they’re bugs, I swear, that like the size of my face, you know?

And so, and that was my first introduction to ticks. I literally had never seen a tick until I traveled east of the Rocky Mountains and we started having really big problems with with ticks. My daughter Summer, I found a tick on her—and because I’d never seen them before—I mean you guys would laugh. I mean everybody in the south is like they’re dying right now because Heidi is such a wimp. I know!  

But I didn’t know what it was. I saw this little insect embedded in her skin and I’m literally on YouTube typing in “live bug in skin”. And by the time it comes up, my husband was like—Oh my word, this is a tick. Well, by the time we discovered it—she already had that bull’s eye around her and I ended up getting her—you know, calling a friend of mine who was a physician and we gave her a round of antibiotics because I’m not messing around with Lyme Disease. And fortunately, she’s doing great, but after that I was like—all right, I’m going to find myself some tick repellent. So I started looking up tick repellents and I started off by using some chemical, really, some strong chemicals—I think DEET and some other things. But then about a year later, I discovered that I could make my own tick repellent with essential oils, and I’m telling you what—it works like a charm.

It was amazing. I think it was lavender, and geranium, and lemon—and not only does it work great, it smells great too! So you don’t smell like that chemical, awful, whatever. And so now, every time we go to—if my kids know—hey, we’re travelin’, you know south where there’s ticks, they’re like—Mom, where’s your tick spray because we’re going down to Jurassic Park? I love you people in the south. I got a lot to learn still but it’s amazing to me. And so, in the car like if you travel with me and I’m driving across country—which I just did. You’re going to find, you know, things that help stomach aches. I put DiGize on the vents of our car to kind of blow that smell into the car when we’re driving for 13 hours at a time—helping with things like car sickness, and things like that. And it really does give you confidence knowing—hey, these things come from plants, God gave them to us. And they really are amazing. My favorite thing, obviously, is the tick spray when I’m traveling. But we use them for everything.

[Melissa] Well, and you’re not only using something that is helping, you know, as a tool —you’re also using something that’s good for your body. You know, which means you’re not using something that’s not. You know, DEET is not good for us. We don’t want it on our kids. Our skin is the biggest organ in our body. We don’t want it soaking in DEET all the time. But you can slather your kids in essential oils and it’s good for it. So not only are we replacing something negative, we’re actually adding something positive—because even when it’s helping repel bugs, it’s also doing so many other things in our bodies that we’re not even aware of because they’re so good for us.

[Heidi] Right. Andy I always tell people it’s also good for your emotional health when, you know, that you’re repelling ticks. I just think it’s probably not scientific—but you know, it helped me.

[Melissa] Well you know what. A lot of people are like—well how do I know about that one? So one of the things that we have in our oily family is—we have a Facebook group where we we all tell our stories. And you can say—hey this is great for all things digestion, and my kid was puking and this helped us, and when we were in the car this is what we did, we were at the beach this is what we did.

And that relationship, and just getting to know other people who use oils and other healthy things. We don’t only talk about just oils, we talk about other things that are good for us. It’s just a great way to walk alongside people and build some relationships. We talk about the Lord, we talk about the Lord wants us to live well so that we can serve Him. He created us for a purpose. And when we’re healthy we can accomplish that purpose with a whole lot more effectiveness. And so, that’s really what our focus is—walking in relationship with people, and helping them to live well—live a healthy life.

[Heidi] Yeah. And we’re having some fun along the way. I’m not going to lie. We’re having some fun a long way. So if people who are listening, I’ve got about a minute left, and they’re saying—this is kind of interesting—How do people get started, especially if they’re interested? Because what you I’ve have been doing this for a long long time is Young Living, and that’s really what we’re talking about right now. So how did they get started doing that?

[Melissa] Yeah it is. Everything we’re talking about today is Young Living because that’s what we love and that’s where we, I guess I could say—expertise. So Young Living has a starter kit that is perfect. It has what we’ve talked about a lot of different ways—digestion , respiratory, mood support, emotional support, aches and pains, skin. Everybody wants clear beautiful skin. Right?

So Young Living gives us a tool kit that makes it so easy to get everything, actually, that we just talked about. So it comes with 12 of the most common oils. It comes with a diffuser—so you put some water and, you put five drops of oil, and you flip it on—and there you go you’re ready to go.

It also comes with a wholesale membership which is 24 percent off. And you do not have to sell anything. Everybody says that—I don’t want to sell oils. You don’t have to sell oils, you don’t have to sell anything, you don’t have to have a monthly order.

You get 12 oils, a diffuser, and a wholesale membership which is 24% off retail— and you also get a concentrate of the plant based cleaner. We didn’t talk about that at all, but Thieves cleaner—everybody’s actually probably heard about it—Thieves cleaner is a plant based cleaner that can replace all of the other cleaners in your home, and you get a sample of that enough to make four cups.

If you go to TheBusyMom.com/oils we have information there about how to get this, the best way to do it, the membership versus just a retail account. We don’t ever advise a retail account because you don’t get the Facebook Support Group and you don’t get the 24% off. So it’s really just not the smartest way to spend your money. We want you in our oily family. We want to be able to help you, and walk with you, and get to know you better. And I have to say that our oily family has become about so much more than oils.

One of my oily family girls sent me two suits for my son who needed them for a teen pact, and I only met her online through our oily family— and then another one is housing a car in her backyard for a client.

[Heidi] Did it smell like Vetiver. That’s what I want to know. So when the suit showed up.

[Melissa] You’re really building relationships with people and it’s really about so much more than just a product. So we love that part of it—and we’re talking about Jesus at the same time so.

[Heidi] If you guys are interested: thebusymom.com/oils. If you’ve got any other questions you can shoot them to us. Melissa is really great about answering these questions too—and you’ve got questions about oils, or whatever, if you guys want something.

The reason I took the time today is because this is a great time of year. You know spring cleaning, if you’ve got allergies, anything like that—this is a great time of year. A little bit of lavender, lemon, and peppermint. Woot! You guys—it’s gonna change your life! It’s gonna change your life.

But we get a lot of questions about essential oils here at the podcast, and I appreciate that. And about once every six months I take the time to answer it, so today is that day. If you’ve got questions specifically, please shoot me an email podcast@thebusymom.com.

Melissa, I love you woman. Thanks for coming on with me today.

[Melissa] Thanks for having me.

So if you guys have questions please go to thebusymom.com/oils.

Don’t forget, I am going to be in Mobile Alabama this weekend for the Teach Them Diligently conference. I’m really looking forward to that. And just a couple days later, I’ll be speaking for Abundant Life Church in Lee’s Summit, bringing a Mother’s Day message of hope and encouragement to you.

Hope you guys are having a great Monday. Kick it off right. Be in the Word of God—you can do that with us at MomStrongInternational.com. Download the Scripture Writing Challenge, download the copywork for your kid. It’s a great opportunity for you to dig deeper into God’s Word. That’s MomStrongInternational.com. Thanks for listening everybody. And I’ll see you back here on Wednesday.

Write to Heidi:
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com

Jamie C. Martin is an introverted mom of three, who loves books, tea, and people (not always in that order), and avoids answering the phone when possible. She created the site Steady Mom in 2009 and co-founded SimpleHomeschool.net in 2010, where she’s served as editor-in-chief for nearly a decade. Jamie is also the author of Give Your Child the World, Mindset for Moms, and Steady Days, as well as her new release, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy. Her work has been featured by LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow, the Washington Post, Parents, and The Read Aloud Revival with Sarah Mackenzie.

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TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, how are you guys doing today? This is Heidi St. John. thanks for tuning in to the Heidi St. John podcast. Today is Friday.

Can you guys even believe it? Today is Friday May 3rd? It is Meet My Friend Friday, episode number 761. Today I am thrilled because Jamie Martin is on my podcast for the first time. You guys are going to love her, and she has a brand new book out. Today we’re going to be talking a little bit about introverts versus extroverts—because Jamie has written a brand new book that just came out called The Introverted Mom. You guys are going to love this one. Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

So thanks for listening today everybody. A couple of things going on. First of all, thanks to everyone who came out for Apple Pie Day yesterday at the Oregon State Capitol. We have been privileged to lend our voices to a variety of things in the last year and a half. And one of them obviously that we are very concerned and passionate about is parental rights and making sure that parents get off the bench and onto the battlefield. So for everyone who came out to the Oregon State Capitol, in Salem yesterday, for Apple Pie Day—thanks for coming out, thanks for meeting your legislators. It’s a great opportunity for us to really get involved in the process.

Tonight I will be at the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center in Vancouver, Washington for Preview Night. So, if you’re anywhere in the area and you would like to see what in the world is going on, and kind of what we’re gonna be doing next year, next fall—come on out! We’re doing every kind of class you can possibly imagine—we have a beekeeping program now, we’ve got a full dance program, and a music program.

Really, what we’re trying to do is encourage parents who want to homeschool—that they don’t have to do it alone. And so I hope that you’ll come out.

Next weekend I will be at Teach Them Diligently in Mobile. I will be there on Thursday and Friday, and then Sunday—I’m going to be bringing the message out Abundant Life Church in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. So big weekend coming up! I hope you guys will come out—if you’ve got questions, please feel free to email me. If you’ve got questions for my assistant, just shoot them off to me at podcast@thebusymom.com.

All right, I’m excited today because we’re gonna be talking about something that has always fascinated me and I’m really thrilled to have Jamie Martin on the podcast. This is her first time on my podcast. She is a mother of three and she calls herself an introvert—which is kind of what we’re going to be talking about today. And she has created a brand new book. She’s written a brand new book that I think you guys are gonna really love and the release of that is actually coming up! So the good news for you guys listening to this is, if you purchase her book before the 7th of May—there are always freebies when you order a book before it’s actually officially released. So I have been privileged to hold this book in my in my hands. It’s called Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy. I love it.

Jamie Martin, welcome to the podcast.

[Jamie] Thank you so much for having me Heidi. I’ve been really looking forward to this.

[Heidi] I’m looking forward to it too. So you have been… you’re a mom. How old are your kids? Your mom of three.

[Jamie] My kids right now, as of this recording, are 15, 14, and 14. And no, I do not have twins, so that’s always fun to talk about because my oldest and youngest are not twins.

[Heidi] Oh wow! Well—you have to finish it now.

[Jamie] Yes. My oldest and youngest are adopted internationally, my daughter— who is my 15 year old currently, is from India. And then our youngest son, Elijah, we adopted from Liberia, West Africa. And then our middle son, is our biological son, Jonathan. So he and Elijah have about six months in between their ages. So for half of the year they’re at the same age, and then the other half Jonathan pulls ahead which of course he is always quick to mention that he’s still the older brother.

[Heidi] My brother and I are 11 months apart—we are biological—so I think my mom was maybe… she said that my brother was like two and half months old when she got pregnant with me. Not the best year of her life. She has told me. But Erin and I, my brother and I, are 11 months apart. And when we were growing up, you know, for that one month out of the year—I was his age. And so I would say to him—Oh I’m your age now, we’re both 15, we’re both sixteen —well now that we’re both, you know, pretty much in our 50’s—we don’t do that anymore. I don’t know what happened but somewhere along the line the tables turn and you’re like—OK it’s actually not that awesome to be your age anymore. If I stay behind you as long as i can. So it’ll be fun for you to watch that sort of develop with your kids as they get older.

I want to jump right into your book, because I think this is gonna be a topic that fascinates a lot of people. Because we fall into—typically people say you’re either introverted or you’re extroverted. And I I want to know how you figured out that you were an introvert.

[Jamie] Great question. I found out I was an introvert as a freshman in high school where, as part of a class, we had to take a personality test and sitting in the back of my civics class—I remember looking at the results and not everything made a lot of sense to me. But I did notice that the “I” in this stack of four letters—that those who might be familiar with Myers Briggs might recognize. The “I” stood for introversion, and that wasn’t a big surprise because I knew that I had always preferred—I loved reading books, I loved having quiet, didn’t mind being by myself—and if I’d had a busy day with a lot of social engagements, then I would have enjoyed afterwards having some downtime. So I don’t think that it was a big shock to learn that officially, so to speak. But I do remember feeling a little bit embarrassed by it as if it was not the preferred tendency—that extroversion was preferred. And throughout my life, I saw my personality continue to grow and develop as I got married, as I had my first job, but I think it wasn’t until I really was a young mom—that I realized how much being an introvert affected my parenting style. Because suddenly the concept of—Oh I’ve had a really busy day I’m just going to take some time out for myself—hat was not necessarily even possible as a mom of young kids. And that’s when I began to see—oh my goodness, without that time there’s no way I can be the best mom that God wants me to be—because God actually chose introversion for me. He gifted me that. That’s part of the way that He created me to be. Ad that started me on a journey of just figuring out—okay, what does it mean to thrive as an introverted mom and to take into account the way that God made me as I parent my children.

[Heidi] So when you talk about introvert, I think this is this is interesting because I think there’s a lot there are a lot of different people who would define introversion or extroversion in different ways. For example, I think immediately—when I think of the personalities, I always think of Melissa—who has been my assistant here in my ministry for over six years—and she’s a classic extrovert. And she’ll say that she’s an extrovert. And for a long time I thought that I was an extrovert until I got around her. And I as like —oh no, that’s not actually me. And that’s one of the reasons I love her, because we complement each other so well. So when someone is going to ask you, because they will now that you’ve written this book about introverted moms—when you think about being an introvert, what for you, for Jamie Martin—what does that look like?

[Jamie] Well, I would define introversion and extroversion, as having to do with where and how you get your energy. And I think that’s the simplest way, especially to start from, the simplest definition to start from. So introverts tend to get their energy through time alone—and that doesn’t mean that they don’t like people or that they don’t like to be around people—which I think is one of the classic stereotypes and misconceptions. So it doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy people time, but it means that people time even with really close friends or your family, will eventually drain you and you have to unplug from that time with people—in order to recharge and get energy replenish so that you can go back to your family again.

On the other hand extroverts, tend to get energy from the people time. Either, it could be a crowded event—something that maybe we wouldn’t think introverts might enjoy. It might just be a busy day where they’ve had time to chat on the phone with a good mom friend, or other things—and those conversations and those activities will actually fuel them so that when they come home from a busy morning at church, let’s say, or at a party with friends—they will feel ready to go for more and so excited. Whereas an introvert who might enjoy that same experience will come home and think—okay, I need to just watch an episode of something or I need to go to bed early. And so. It just has to do with where our energy comes from.

[Heidi] Yeah and sort of recharging. I think that’s true, and I think —you and I have talked about this just for a few minutes—how you can look at somebody, like me for example, who speaks for a living and is around people all the time, and I think we assume that that type of personality must be extroverted. But really what we’re learning is it’s not how you are in your life—it’s how you recharge, really—and sort of what drains you and what recharge is you. And I love that you’re that you’re pointing that out, because a lot of moms listen to this, probably a lot of dads too, are going—ding ding ding, wait a second—I’m realizing something about myself.

So when you figured out that you’re an introvert, and you’re realizing — okay, my batteries recharge a little bit differently. How did your family life change? Did it change once you accepted that—hey this is how your personality is,  this is how the Lord wired you— and you realize—oh, I’m an introvert and I’m good with it. How did that affect your family?

[Jamie] I think it just became a new level of freedom in my life, and by extension, my family’s life. Because before really having the full realization, and understanding, and self-awareness of what that meant—I tended to feel a lot of guilt and shame from the fact that these little people who I adored also could make me feel so drained, and exhausted, and fatigued—and I didn’t understand enough about my personality to really nail down why. So I just thought—I’m not good at this, I’m a bad mom.

And so, I feel like that’s the part that really shifted which is a big deal because suddenly I felt like—oh my gosh—no,God is saying that this is a gift He’s given me, this is the way that He’s wired me. And that means, I have insights to offer that those who are extroverts don’t, and vice versa of course. And so, being aware of that meant that I could look into a crowded day that we’re going to have. I can know—okay, so this activity and that activity is going to be difficult by the end of it, the end of the four hours that we’re out. So when we get home I’m going to need to have the kids listen to audiobooks in their room or I’m going to need this. And that changed everything from before feeling like— okay, yeah we’ve had a busy morning and but that’s my job because I’m a mom so I need to do more, and what do we need now. And so I began to just take myself into account into consideration when I looked at our home school day, our schedule—and that was really a game changer because factoring myself in, and not just my kids—meant that I could be the better mom to them as well. So it really is like a win win.

[Heidi] When you’re thinking about that, what’s helping you do is just manage your day a little bit better—and I think so often as moms the last thing we do is take care of ourselves. And I will remember being in Florida, many years ago with our kids—and I’ve told the story out on the road before—but you know, I did what all moms do: I slathered sunscreen on our kids, you know, and on my husband before we went to the beach. I forgot to put sunscreen on myself. I was so worried about the kids that I didn’t put sunscreen on myself. And I came home with second degree burns. I mean I was burned so badly—on the back of my legs, and by the time I realized I had forgotten about myself—at that point in the day, it was really too late.

And I think that that really does translate to mothers because, and really to parents in general, I think sometimes we forget—hey, you know, we have to take care of ourselves if we want to be a great mom or a great dad. At some point, you’ve got to recharge your batteries, right? The same thing is true of marriage if you spend all your time focused on your children, and you don’t focus on the marriage, and the marriage suffers—well then the net result of that is that the children suffer. by default. Have you seen that happen? Do you think that’s pretty much the way it is all around the spectrum of introverts and extroverts? It’s this learning to be sensitive to the needs of the parents so that the parents can pour into the children.

[Jamie] Yes, I’ve definitely seen that again and again. And I think though, as moms—whether it’s because we’re culturally conditioned a certain way—we feel like we’re supposed to do and be everything to our kids—that we shouldn’t have needs. And some part of us still has that niggle that it’s being selfish. And what I love, which I share in the book about a chapter about connecting with God as an introvert—is examining these introverted moments that we find in scripture. And Jesus blended His extroverted and introverted sides so beautifully—we see him in these really public roles, then we see Him retreating to have that quiet time with the Father. And I love that picture because of course Jesus wasn’t being selfish to do that. He was doing exactly what he was called to do, and that in turn equipped him to go out and do what God was calling him to do next.

[Heidi] Yeah it’s so important, and I know that especially when my husband are out on the road, and as I’ve gotten older, I think that the introvert extrovert thing changes through different seasons of life depending on the, you know—the pressures that we’re under, and then realizing—oh my goodness I’m going to have to shift what I’m doing because what I was doing last school year, what I was doing last year in general isn’t isn’t working anymore. And so when we look at introverts and extroverts—we handle things typically differently. And so, how do you think that introverts would handle that something difficult that comes at them as opposed to an extrovert?

[Jamie] Yes, I have a chapter that’s about handling loss and heartache as an introvert—because it is really different. And introverts tend to be internal processors, which means that we go more into our heads when things get difficult because we gravitate toward thoughts, and analyzing them ourselves—as opposed to gravitating gravitating toward verbal processing, or getting out in the open,chatting about it, taking in thoughts from other people. We can do that too, but our natural bent tends to be more doing that on the inside. And that can be a danger for introverts going through a really difficult lot life season.

As a parent, let’s say you know your husband loses his job, or you get a scary diagnosis, or just real life that we’re talking about. And I think being aware of your personality when you enter a season like that, or when you’re going through the midst of it, can really make a difference in navigating those healthily. Of course it’s not going to eliminate all struggle by any means—but just knowing that there are times where it’s good for introverts to process in their heads alone that can be helpful to a certain point. And beyond that point it can become something to their detriment—because really God created us to share openly, vulnerability, with safe people, right? — with those who are in our inner circle.

And I think just opening up about what’s really going on with us, on the inside, can help us to overcome because we were made to journey through life and community— weren’t we? And journey through life together, and lean on our lean on our friends. So that’s what I would encourage an introvert going through a difficult time to do. There’s a balance in that. And actually, there’s a mom that I interviewed. She said that she had this great rule — I thought it was a game changer. Where she talks about that if she’s having a difficult day with the kids, a difficult time a difficult moment, she will talk to one friend about that and get the support that she needs. But then to make sure that she doesn’t verge into more of a complaining, unhealthy territory, or space—she will then like pray about it if it’s still on her mind. So she won’t go talk to her mom about it, or all these different people—because sometimes just that turns into more like venting. Right?

So that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

[Heidi] Drama.

[Jamie] Right?

[Heidi] I think it invites drama, also. Just say no to drama.

[Jamie] Right. So that’s not what I’m talking about. But I’m talking about—having the courage to open up about what’s really going on in the inside, and I would encourage all. All of us need to do that, but introverts particularly.

[Heidi] So one more thing and we’ve got about two minutes left, so I want to take this a different direction really quickly. Every single one of us has a mixture of people in our families, right? Some of us are introverted. I actually think people can be a mixture of both introvert and extrovert. You talked a little bit about Jesus, you know, really learning to balance those parts of Him, and I think all of us need to learn to do that to a certain degree. But when you’re thinking about people who are in your family, who are either more introverted or more extroverted—how do you try to balance the needs of each of those types with also including your own? So talk for a minute to the mom and the dad, or maybe there’s a teenager listening to this who saying—oh my goodness, I just realized I’m actually an extrovert! That explains a lot about my mom.. or whatever—and how can we balance each type of needs, and maintain a harmony in our families?

[Jamie] Yes, well you’re absolutely right that we both — no person is like exclusively an introvert or exclusively an extrovert. We need both types, and we use them at different times—and that is healthy and good to do that. But we tend to lean maybe more towards a certain way than the other. And that’s that’s good as well. So in our family we have three extroverts. My husband, my daughter, and one of my sons. And then I’m an introvert, and my son Elijah who was born in Liberia is an introvert as well.

So for one thing, we talk a lot about it—because obviously this is a passion of mine—so that they understand who God created them to be and how he wired them. That their personality is a gift, not any kind of deficiency, and that it offers good things to our families. Then from my perspective as a mom, when I look at my extroverts I know—okay, they genuinely need time around people because that’s the way God made them. So I will look for what I call win-wins, to meet that need. So if I was going to try to take them to an activity where I also have to be there the whole time, for several hours— that’s going to be really draining for me. But, especially now as they’re getting older— I can take them somewhere that’s a drop off. It’s a great experience for them whether it’s youth group or something that’s going on at our church. And then I can wait for them at the Starbucks around the corner, and then I go back and pick them up. So that way we’re both meeting each of our needs in a healthy way.

At the same time, as an introvert raising an introvert, I just look to protect my son Elijah’s refueling time in ways that he might not naturally do—and I’ve done that since he was young. And then I also just look to help him role play when we’re going out because the social conversations and things that take him by surprise—he needs time to prepare for those. So if we’re going out to dinner, or we’re meeting someone or another family, I might talk about— okay, they might ask you about this, or they might ask you about homeschooling, and we kind of prepare ahead of time and that’s been really helpful for him as well.

[Heidi] That’s awesome. So if you’re thinking— I wonder if I’m an introvert or wonder if this is my child— I love Jamie, that you took time in here to address the parents you have an introverted child. I think this is especially challenging if the mom is an extrovert and her child is an introvert. This will really help you understand how you can really get to the heart of your child.

Really quick Jamie, how can people find out about you and what is the bonus? —because we’re still in the bonus period, preorder period, for your book right now. What does that look like for people who want to preorder your book?

[Jamie] Yes. Well if he go to JamieCMartin.com/Introvert—that’s the book landing page, so it has everything you can need to know about Introverted Mom. It also has a quiz so that, like you’re saying Heidi, if you’re not sure—am I an introvert or an extrovert?, I created a quiz that you can take there which is fun. And yes, people who order before Tuesday when the book launches get for preorder bonuses that I created called A Year of Introverted Mom Inspiration—and there’s actually a separate bonus for each season—spring,summer, fall, and winter. There is also a special Mother’s Day bonus, which are these beautiful prints designed with quotes that I called Introverted Mom Mantras. So one says like— drink tea read books be happy —and they’re so beautiful and you just print them out, and I have suggested frames that they’ll fit right in. I’ve got them on my wall and they’re stunning. So I’m super excited to just be able to offer those to people who have bought the book ahead of time.

[Heidi] Awesome. Well thank you so much for coming on the show today. It has been a joy to have you and I wish you the best with Introvert a Mom, I think it’s going to bless a lot of moms.

[Jamie] Thank you so much Heidi for all that you do to bless moms.

[Heidi] You’re very welcome. For more information on Jamie Martin and her new book please go to the show notes today. You guys will notice that we have started transcribing these podcasts, and so we link back to everything that we talk about so you can very easily find Jamie by just going to HeidiStJohn.com/Podcast. And it’s also a great place for you to get to Jamie’s landing page—so you can be sure to get in on those preorder bonuses.

I want to encourage you again if you’re in the Portland Vancouver area—I will be at the Homeschool Resource Center tonight talking about ways that you guys can get involved in community next year. Particularly as it relates to homeschooling—so coming out! And the next weekend, I will be in Mobile, Alabama.

Please come back next Friday, my friend Abby Johnson—you guys may be familiar with her name—she is the name behind the movie unplanned—and she will be on the podcast with me next Friday. You won’t want to miss that.

In the meantime we’re starting a brand new study over at MomStrongInternational.com — starts on Monday and we’re going to be talking about the power of the tongue.

This is a great time to join MomStrong International. You can check it out at MomStrongInternational.com — and meantime you guys, have a fantastic weekend and I’ll see you back here on Monday.

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com

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TRANSCRIPTION:

Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John—welcome to the podcast!

Happy May Day! Today is Wednesday, May 1st—it’s episode number 760, and I am so glad you’ve joined me today, because I want to encourage you to bring life to your husband, to your children, to the people that are in your life—by the words that you speak. We’re gonna be talking a little bit about what that looks like, having a faith that speaks, but not only speaking— but speaking life.

Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.

So it’s May 1st, and I can’t even believe it. Moment of silence. What in the world?! It’s May! I heard the other day that our our state, the state of Washington, is considering staying permanently in daylight savings time. And I I thought to myself —that looks really complicated because you have to ask permission from Congress and all that, and I thought— I kinda like Daylight Savings Time. I love that the sun is getting up earlier and staying up later. I’m the girl who really likes the long days—and so. looking forward to that.

I wanted to let you guys know where I’m going to be in the coming days, in case you want to come out and say hello—which I hope that you will. As you know, I’m going to be it at Ocean Network for the Apple Pie Day tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to that. Come on out and see us. We’ll be at the state capital—come say hello. If you got the MomStrong book, I’d love to ink it up for you —bring it out! And then the following day, on Friday May 3rd, is Preview Night here at the Homeschool Resource Center in Vancouver Washington. If you’re wondering where we’re at, just Google Firmly Planted Homeschool Family Resource Center, and you’ll be able to check it out then right after that.

I’ve got some really wonderful things coming up. I’m going to be speaking for Teach Them Diligently in Mobile, Alabama. And I will be there on Thursday the 9th, then Friday the 10th, and I’m going to be actually leaving there a little bit early because I’m going to be speaking for Abundant Life Church in Lee’s, Summit on the 12th —for Mother’s Day. So they’ve asked me to come in and just give a message to the moms there. I’m really looking forward to that. And so, I hope you guys will coming out and say hello.

Lots of things happening in the life of the ministry here, and in our little corner of the United States—just trying to make a difference. And I have to tell you—we really appreciate hearing from you. I appreciate hearing what God is doing in your life. And a lot of times when I’m in the studio, you know, it’s just me. Sometime it’s Jay in the studio with me or I’ll have a guest. But for the most part, it’s just me by myself in here and I sometimes wonder— is anybody listening? And then I get a letter in the mail, or we’ll get an e-mail, or one of my staff will pass along a note that you guys have left and we appreciate it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, so much! For every review that you leave at iTunes, it really matters. Thank you so much for visiting our sponsors. They are helping us make this podcast possible to come to you three days a week. We’ve got a whole staff now that works this podcast with us. I don’t know if you guys have noticed but we’ve got a transcription happening now. A lot of you have been asking for that. And so, we finally went ahead and made that jump and those transcriptions started last week.So I love to hear if that’s helping you guys or not. So that means you can download the podcast as a blog post, or if you though if you thought man that was really good I’d like to pass it along—It’s already been transcribed for you.

Speaking of our sponsors I want to just encourage you to visit Evangelical Christian Credit Union. You guys, I am so excited about this partnership. I love what they’re doing, particularly with parents—and you know this is just on my heart all the time. They have a program called Start Young, and it’s fantastic. So you can look at the 0-7 year olds, or the 8-12 year olds, or the 13-17 year olds. So, they’ve got them broken into groups of ages like that, and I want to focus really quickly on the Jump Start program which is for the 8-12 year olds. Because you guys, it’s not too early to teach your kids to understand money. I really wish my parents had taught me how to understand and how to manage my money. I think that when Jay and I were in college, because we got married very young and we made some pretty big tactical errors in the first few years of our marriage—not the least of which was just to get a credit card right away.

And, what I love about Start Young, is a start young account is going to give your children, with your guidance, hands on experience—real experience with budgeting and finances, and you get to monitor their progress, and you set the limit, and you get to reinforce the godly values about money that will grow with them for the rest of their life. So check it out ECCU.org/Heidi and then let me know what you think, because I love to hear what you guys think as you interact with the Start Young program through Evangelical Christian Credit Union.

All right, today I’m going to go ahead and address a topic that keeps coming up over and over again, and actually—it’s a wonderful segway into the study at MomStrong International that will start this coming Monday. So if you’re not a member at MomStrong International yet, I want to encourage you to do that. It’s like $2.15 a week. And your $2.15 not only is going to get you a fantastic Bible Study, but it is a wonderful way to support this ministry and to support the podcast. And I really appreciate it.

I want to ask you guys a question—Have you ever eaten a bad cherry tomato? I’m just gonna let that sit for a second. Bad cherry tomato. Because if you have—asked me how I know. It’s going to be years before you pop another one into your mouth without a thorough examination of how fresh it is? Actually I don’t even like tomatoes anymore. I like salsa. Give me salsa anytime. All of the tomato sauce, all of the spaghetti sauce, but just no sliced tomato. I just don’t like it.

Ask my friend Annette, it’s a long story. But unfortunately, as every rotten cherry tomato eater I will concur—you can’t fully see from the outside if the inside is going to taste good, and it changes your salad freedom. Folks, it really does. So no matter how red and shiny that tomato looks on the, the inside holds the truth of the matter. Whether that tomato is rotten, or whether it’s good—and our words are much the same. So no matter how pretty we dress our lives up, the Bible tells us that out of the heart, the mouth speaks. That’s right out of Luke 6:45.

And we can be cleaned up with Jesus-girls, and insta-worthy outfits, and photography-worthy meals, but who we are on the inside shows when the waiter bumps our elbow on his way by—and our mouths open,  and our hearts speak. And the Bible teaches us that the words that we speak come out of a treasury that’s in our heart.

So when you think of a treasury, it’s the bank that accepts deposits.Right? So we’ve been talking a little bit about ECCU. This is a different kind of a treasury. It’s a bank that accepts deposits, like a storehouse, and it’s accumulating things. That’s a treasury. So we deposit into the bank of our hearts every single time we say something, listen to something, or watch something—and that’s why I’m always encouraging you. It’s not enough for you just to go to church. We need to be saying—Lord, help me in the things that I allow myself to listen to, in the lies that I allow myself to believe, the things that I allow myself to watch, the music I allow myself to listen to—because deposits of information and knowledge that we accept are those those deposits that are coming into that treasury, right?

And Jesus is so clear in His teaching that where our treasure is, in other words the thing that we absorb and hold on to,that is where our hearts are gonna be. Also, that’s right out of Matthew 6:21. So i’m going to ask you today, as we get ready for the new study, and like I said—we’ve got the new Scripture Writing up today. Today’s the first day for it—so go grab it. We’re gonna be writing Scriptures about the things that we say. This is a great month to have your kids writing with you. And I want to ask you—what kind of deposits are you making into the treasury of your heart? And what kind of deposits are being made from your mouth into the hearts and minds of others, not the least of which, are your children?

So often I meet moms and dads out on the road, and even here at the resource center in Vancouver—and I’ll meet frustrated parents. Parents who basically are having trouble with their teen. And sometimes I think because we we don’t want to address what’s actually happening, we want to stick our head in the sand we don’t want to say— I wonder if that’s me. I wonder if I’ve got a problem. I wonder if this is I wonder if this is a heart issue in me. We want to pass it on to our children and be sure that we’re disciplining our children right. That we’re teaching them the right things—but often we’re struggling with things in our own hearts.

So think about this. There’s a wonderful book. It’s an old book, but it’s a good one. I’m going to link back to it in the show notes. It’s called Sticking with Your Teen: How to Keep from Coming Unglued No Matter What. Joe White wrote this, and it’s fantastic. This is one of the books I’ve had… in fact, I should look— when did I get this? Oh my goodness you guys, I just opened the book and a picture of Savannah and Sierra just fell out of it! I think Savannah was… she had to be four in this picture. Oh my goodness.

So I’ve had this book for a while. It came out in 2006 and it’s just —anyway, if you got teens in your house or even a pre-teen—you need this book. It’s fantastic. So listen to what Joe says. He says:

There’s a problem in your house. Like the smell of dirty socks. It seems to drift from an area where your teen hangs out. Things are calm when she’s not around and they’re not calm when she’s there. So the problem must be with your teen, right? Not necessarily. But does it matter whose fault it is?

Remember we we’re just talking about the treasury a second ago?

Well it only matters if there’s something you can do about it. You can’t change somebody else, you can’t change your teenager who’s fighting himself and the rest of the world to become his own person. The only one that you can change is yourself.

And this is the same thing that we’re going to be talking about all month in May. We want to control our own tongue. And if you’re not willing to start with yourself, you’re gonna have a hard time passing on truth to your children. And a lot of parents aren’t willing to start there. Counselors will often see parents who come in their point their fingers at their teen and — you fix my teen she’s the problem in her family. But problems aren’t usually that simple, and finger pointing usually doesn’t accomplish very much. Neither is mimicking your teen in the middle of an argument when he yells, or snorts, or rolls his eyes—you are the adult. Right? So it’s tempting to think—man, if I could just change his attitude. But forget it, because each person on this earth, including your teen, has a free will and God has designed us this way. Right?

And we get to choose how we are going to respond to every trial that comes our way. And that first response is typically something that we will say. And so, if you want to influence your kids, if you want to especially reach the heart of your teen, if you want their attitude to change—can I just encourage you right now? Change your attitude. Change your attitude. Accept responsibility for the contributions you’ve made to the situation that’s frustrating. It’s important for you to do that. All right? And it might even help if you just acknowledge with your teen what’s going on, or with your children, what’s going on.

It’s so important, because the Bible teaches us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. And so what kind of deposits are you making into the treasury of your heart? So I really want to start with us. Mom and Dad, we need to start with us before we can pass on anything to our children. We can’t pass on what we don’t possess. We’re never gonna be able to teach our children how to speak rightly to others if we’re busy not speaking kindly and not speaking right to them. The Bible teaches us in Jeremiah that the danger for all of us is that our hearts are deceitful.

The Bible says that they’re desperately sick, and we have a natural tendency to deposit worthless things into the treasuries of our hearts. And so, the only way around that is to ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate anything that isn’t pure. And once He lights those up for us, then we have to take steps to collect different things to deposit.

So what we’re gonna do for the whole month of May—and I know you guys gonna be encouraged—this is a great study free to do with your kids, with your teens. What we want to do is read Romans 12:1-2, and then we want to live it out. Live it out every day. When we present our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice that’s pleasing to God, then we can be renewed by the Holy Spirit in our minds—and not conform to the patterns of this world.

So it’s a continual filtering process to see that what we put into our hearts is what God values, and what will teach us and train us in becoming more like Him every day. There is a reason that I called the Bible Study Becoming MomStrong—because we want to grow, but we don’t just arrive. We become what we purpose in our hearts to become. Your children are gonna be becoming—they’re in the process right now of becoming what it is that God has for them to be. And as parents, we have a tremendous responsibility to not only shepherd our children, but to train them in righteousness—by our example.

And you know what you guys? It’s never too late. The story is not finished with your kids. Your kids are growing and they’re changing, and you are growing and you are changing. And can I just encourage you right now, that if you want your kids to be the warriors for the Lord—that even praying that they would be, then you’ve got to stick with them. You got to hang in there. And it’s tough sometimes to believe that we’re going to make it through any particular stage that we’re in with our kids—I’ve talked to so many of you who are frustrated and you feel like giving up.

And can I just encourage you? Even when your kids mess up, even when you mess up— don’t let the enemy make a twofer out of it. Right? Get back in the game. It is never too late. All right? God wants you to stay in there with your team. That’s why I love this book. It’s called Sticking with Your Teen by Joe White, and I think you’re going to love it. It’s an old book but it’s a goodie. So I’ll link back to it in the show notes today.

Also, i’m going to read to you straight from God’s Word because really better than any book you’ll ever pick up—is the book that God has given us. That is His Word. And He tells us in Ephesians 4:29-32, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs so that it might benefit those who listen.

Do you guys ever wonder who’s listening to you when you speak? Paul is saying—listen, you’re an ambassador for the Lord. Don’t let any and unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Because what we want to do is treat other people with the same kindness and loved and the way that He Hs treated. God didn’t treat us, the Bible says, as our sins deserved—He didn’t. He poured His grace over us, Ephesians goes on to say—and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed from the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness.

Notice how he didn’t say—get rid of bitterness except for that one that one that one was pretty justified. You could hang on to that one. No, he says get rid of it all. Get rid of all bitterness, all rage, all anger brawling, and slander—along with every form of malice. And then he tells you what to do instead. So he says get rid of this and here’s what you do instead.

Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as Christ in God forgave you.

And 1 Peter 3:8-9 says — finally all of you. All of you. So Mom, you can say this to your kids right now—all of you live in harmony with one another. Be sympathetic. Love as brothers. Be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult—but with blessing, because to this you recalled so that you might inherit a blessing.

Mom and Dad, teens who are listening to this—there is a blessing in it for you as you know, and study, and apply the Word of God. There’s a blessing as you learn to control the things that you’re saying and as you learn to control your tongue. God wants you to walk in right relationship with Him.

So all month, for the month of May, we’re going to study what that looks like. I hope you guys will join us. I think you’re going to really be encouraged. It’s a fantastic next step after the study we just did called Defining Discernment—because you got to have discernment if you’re going to learn to say what God would have you say. And so, we’re gonna kind of pass it out a little bit unpack it a little bit. I think you guys are going to be really, really encouraged.

I hope you guys will come out and see me at Apple Pie Day tomorrow in Salem, Oregon. Also I would encourage you—if you haven’t left reviews for Becoming MomStrong, or Bible Promises for Moms, or Prayers for the Battlefield—or any of the other books I’ve been writing, it really encourages us when you do that as well as leaving reviews for the podcast over at iTunes. We love it if you would share this podcast with your friends if it’s encouraging for you and, if you’d like to write us a letter and just let us know what the podcast is doing in your life, or if you’d like to send financial support to the ministry—you can do that by sending it to Heidi St. John c/o Firmly Planted Family 11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682.  We love you guys.

Thank you so much for joining us at MomStrong International where it is our heart to help you prioritize the study of God’s Word, to learn it, live it, and then lead in it. Have a great day everybody, and I’ll see you back here on Friday.

Write to Heidi:
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com

A message from Kara Moss: Hi, friend! I’m so happy to meet you. I’m just a woman who is daily reminded of her need for Jesus. Aren’t we all? I am thankful for His grace and mercy that meet us exactly where we are. I was born and raised a city girl but married a country boy. We’re good for each other. We have two daughters who are the source of much joy and noise in our home. Family is my heart. I love sweeping. I hate doing laundry. My “go to” for rest is a good book and a cup of hot tea. I love going to the beach, but just don’t ask me to get in the ocean. I also have a serious thing for planners and pens.

While I do have a degree in Human Development and Learning with a focus on Early Children Education, I’ve learned more through life experiences and my own failures as a wife and mom than any class ever taught me. Life is a good teacher. My front porch is one of my favorite places to spend time. If I had my way, you and I would become friends rocking the afternoon away in just that spot. I would love to get to know you more! I hope you will connect with me so we can share the journey – with all it’s good, bad, and ugly – together. We are not perfect but being perfected, and there is hope In that for all of us.

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Hey everybody, this is Heidi St. John. Welcome to the podcast, you guys!

Today is Friday, April 26. It’s the first day for me to be back in the studio. I’ve been on the road for a month with my family. It feels so so good to be back here. Thanks for listening—for all your encouragement while we’ve been out on the road. And we’re gonna keep being out on the road, but not for a month at a time. So that’s good.

Today’s Meet My Friend Friday, and you guys know I love to have awesome mothers and fathers on here who want to speak to the culture, and bring truth and grace—and today’s no exception. My friend Kara Moss is on the show with me today and here to talk about a new book she’s got launching today called: Abundant Motherhood. You guys are gonna love it! Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged!

All right—so to let you guys know, if I can keep up with myself, I’m going to be at RVHEA tomorrow in Ottawa. So come on out! If you haven’t, if you’re not sure where that is—well first of all, if you’re anywhere near Ottawa, then you just need to come. I will link back to it in the show notes today.

Jay and I actually flew into Syracuse and decided to drive across the border this time. And so—looking forward to seeing a whole bunch of you. So after that, the next weekend on the 2nd of May, Jay and I will be speaking for Apple Pie Day at the Oregon capital of Salem. It’s really important, you guys know how I feel about this. Get off the bench, get onto the battlefield.

It’s so exciting to see a resurgence, really, of men and women who care about the culture and who want to follow the Lord Jesus—engaging in the culture—particularly as it relates to the laws that are being passed, locally and nationally.

So, you guys have heard me talk about this before but all politics is local—meaning it starts at home and we know that that’s definitely the truth with our families. So I would encourage you—if you’re anywhere near the capital of Oregon, come out for Apple Pie Day on the 2nd. I’m excited to be there, it’s going to be a great opportunity for you guys to meet your legislators—and bring them a pie for goodness sake. I mean really—Apple Pie Day. Bring them a pie. You heard “Let them eat cake”? Well this time it’s let them eat pie.

All right, I’m excited to introduce Kara Moss to you today. Kara has a brand new book out. Today is actually her launch day. Woot-Woot! So, all the authors listening to this know how important launch day is. And I love Kara’s heart in her message. You guys are gonna love her too. She’s written a brand new book called Abundant Motherhood. Kara Moss, welcome to the podcast.

[Kara] Hello! Thank you so much for having me. Been a longtime listener and always so encouraged by the truth that you bring to all of us. So thanks so much for having me.

[Heidi] You’re welcome. I’m glad that you’re here and I love what you’ve written about. You know, I care very deeply about mothers in the culture right now. And it sounds like you have a similar a similar passion. But first, I kind of want people to know a little bit about you. So tell the listeners a little bit about you and your family.

[Kara] Yes. I live in a small town in Tennessee—Jefferson City. It’s a little small town…

[Heidi] I know right where that is

[Kara] … one Wal-Mart town.

[Heidi] That’s right.

[Kara] We love it. I grew up in neighborhoods, and now find myself living on 30 acres with my husband and daughters. And he grew up a country-boy-farm-loving-fella, and…

[Heidi] He’s doing the whole, like, country-boy-can-survive thing with you.

[Kara] Yeah we got the garden, it will e coming out soon and all that good stuff.

[Heidi] So how old are your kids?

[Kara] I have two girls. My oldest daughter will be 12 this summer. It’s just hard to believe, and my youngest just turned nine. And every mom will say, every child is different—and they are as opposite as you could imagine.

[Heidi] Right. Right. That’s just to keep you on your knees.

[Kara] Absolutely. Yes. They are two ends of the spectrum there. So that keeps us on our toes for sure.

[Heidi] That’s awesome. And I always ask authors, you know—people do not just write books. You have to have a message on your heart, something that really motivates you to want to spend hours and evenings of what would normally be free time alone with your laptop. Why did you write Abundant Motherhood? What’s the overarching theme that you want moms to go away with.

[Kara] Yeah, I think the biggest motivation and passion in my heart for this is—in our world today, I just feel like there is so much noise, and there’s so many opinions, and there’s so much resources—so many things right at our fingertips. And I know for myself and my journey of motherhood—I loved to ingest everything. I was reading all the books, listening to all the podcast. I was going to conferences, and events, and I just loved all of it so much. But, I found myself almost trapped with so much information and so many good ideas, that I began to feel this pressure pile on. You know, like this pressure of that I have to do it this way and I have to do it that way and —what about this? what about that?

There’s all this out there, and I found myself on my own journey just having to quiet the noise and to come to a place of—at the end of the day—it is me and Jesus, together, raising these children. I have to have His voice, and His input, and His life in me has to flow out of me. And and in that, came just seeing so many moms that I walk with and people all around just getting, I think distracted, by so many good things. And I think, that at the bottom of it all, my heart in this book is to say—you can do this mom thing with Jesus, and that together, we can raise these children that He has so blessed us with. And that sometimes, it just feels overwhelming—but that we can quiet things and come to a place of, I think putting some priorities back where they belong, at the end of the day.

[Heidi] Yeah. Yeah. And you, I think I’ve seen this in the homeschool movement in particular. I know your books not about homeschooling, but I think that is true of this generation of homeschoolers. So something I’m noticing, and Kara I’d love to get your perspective on this since really—this is a large part of what you’re diving into in the book—is this overwhelmed feeling that moms have. Like we look around we see Pinterest, we see all this other stuff. I see it really starkly even more in the homeschool community than I do in any other sphere of influence for mothers. And I think partly because these moms go to you know they go to these awesome homeschool conferences— which I love, as you know…

[Kara] Yeah, absolutely.

[Heidi] …that I think instead of taking  on our identity,we take on the identity of the mom behind the table… or the mom at the curriculum booth, or whatever. We just go— oh my goodness, my kid doesn’t know Latin by the time they’re 4— then, I’m failing. What do you say to the the homeschool mom? And we’ll get back to this for every other mom—but I have such a heart for homeschool moms, and I feel like this is something we can really set moms free from. What do you say to that mom who—she’s getting to the end of the school year now, and she’s like—I’m done, I’m not going to do this again next year because I’m not enough, or I didn’t get enough done, or I’m failing, or we didn’t finish, or whatever? Talk to that mom for a minute.

[Kara] First of all, don’t quit! Don’t throw in the towel. There is so much out there, but what our kids need is us. They need us investing in their lives more than they need to know Latin by fourth grade.

[Heidi] Yea, for sure.

[Kara] And even in the abundance of material that is out there, and at our fingertips, the Lord knows our children—and He knows what they need. And if we will plug in to Him and listen for what’s on His heart for our children—we can give them what they need most, and we can hone in on what He is saying specifically for our children, without having to turn to every new curriculum that’s available and out there. And not to knock all the wonderful resources—I love them—but we can end up with our eyes and our sights so set on those things that we miss, maybe the bigger picture of what God is wanting to say specifically to us for our child—because we’re giving so much weight to all the other voices.

[Heidi] Yeah. And I think we forget. You know, Jesus said take my yoke upon me and learn from me because my yoke is easy and my burden is light. I don’t think that homeschooling done under the the leadership and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, or mothering done under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, is going to run us over and leave us on the side of the road for dead—but sometimes are our ideas don’t stack up to reality and that’s something that you talk about in Abundant Motherhood.

So how did your ideas about motherhood cmpare to the actual feeling of it, the gig of motherhood?

[Kara] Yeah, I think I had a pretty dreamy idea of motherhood—if you will. I grew up around children, I’m the second born, and we have four kids in our family. And as the big sister, I kind of helped raise my little siblings and was very nurturing and mothering early on. And I had this very dreamy idea of what motherhood would be like, and you imagine all the wonderful snuggles, and reading books, and playing, and crafting, and all the joys that motherhood brings. And, I think I was a little bit blindsided with—oh there’s a strong will in this child—come to find out.

[Heidi] hmm hmm

[Kara] And, so I think my dream of what motherhood was going to be, versus what reality was—knocked me off my feet for a season. I remember very clearly, one day I was hiding in the pantry as most mom’s find themselves doing.

[Heidi] yay for hiding!

[Kara] Yes I was hiding in the pantry. My 3 year old…

[Heidi] Did you find the chocolate chips?

[Kara] Well, you find the snack, it’s a good place to hide because you have food. But I remember standing there in the pantry holding the door shut with my 3 year old on the other side pulling at it—and I had my phone in the other hand calling my husband saying you have to help, I don’t know what to do with her. So I think those were the moments that came as a shock. Like— okay, we got a lot of work to do here.

[Heidi] Yes, right.

[Kara] Yeah. It’s not the things we imagined, and the days we have planned, don’t always go quite like we expect.

[Heidi] Yeah. It’s true and you, at some point—we have to reconcile that, right? And I think sometimes, and I’ve had this conversation with my daughter, you know—just this idea that motherhood is hard and that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. And this idea that we gotta sing, you know — stand around and sing Kumbaya and talk about what a hot mess we are.

I’m kind of weary of it because I feel like the Lord calls us to a place of abundance. Jesus said, I came not so that you just have life but that you’d have abundant life. And yet in the same breath, He said but hey, caveat, in this world we have trouble, right? And I think you can have abundant life and abundant motherhood in the midst of all this stuff.

[Kara] Yea, In the middle it, yes.

[Heidi] Yeah, it’s what God has for you.

[Kara] The word abundant means having plenty. And one of the things in writing this book, I kept thinking about how many times in my life I have said—I am not enough, I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough energy, I don’t know enough, I don’t have enough money, I don’t have enough. Whatever it is.

But in that moment, I thought if I had enough of this, I would be a great mom. And the word abundant, meaning having plenty, and it was this revelation and this process in my own heart of going—it’s having plenty of the right thing. And when we know that we have plenty of Christ, that we can kind of change the dialogue. It goes from I’m not enough to He is enough—and because He is enough therefore I can be who I’m called to be as the mother of these children and that my plenty comes through Christ. And we kind of change the ,that that internal dialogue we have with ourselves as moms, we kind of can change that dialogue to knowing that we are enough in Him—and that Him in us is enough.

[Heidi] And I think sometimes we struggle with what looks like. It can take on the sort of “christianese” sound—you know like, He’s enough. And so to the mom who’s listening to that right now, who’s going —what are you even talking about? Like you say that He’s enough, but my baby just spit up on me for the 14th time this morning, and my teenager just glared at me, and I’m not done with homeschooling. And I have no idea what I’m making for dinner—and He’s enough. Thank you, I appreciate that.

I mean, can you walk that out, just step it back a little bit—because I think I know what you’re saying—but I know that there’s gonna be people who are listing here like, what? What does that look like practically — when when we say— when I say and you say: let the Lord be enough. What does that look like?

[Kara] I think it looks like, in those moments where you want to pull your hair out because the day is falling apart—it looks like taken that deep breath, and pausing for a moment. And for me it often looks like a whispered prayer. It looks like turning to the Word. It looks like I’m gonna take five minutes and get into the Word in this very moment where I feel like everything’s gonna fall apart—and realize it’s not falling apart, and it’s gonna be okay. It looks like throwing on the worship music and cranking it up loud. It looks like…

[Heidi] I’m a huge fan of that.

[Kara] Yes,iIt changes the atmosphere, it changes where you’re focusing on. And so practically, it looks like just little things in the moment where when everything else is crashing and burning—you find an anchor and you anchor yourself in that. And that comes through Christ. That’s the only place we’re gonna be anchored, truthfully, and rooted, and grounded. And so I think it’s it’s in those little things.

[Heidi] Yeah. I love that you’re talking about that anchor because I think it’s so important for moms, and dads too – I know there are a lot of men who listen to this podcast. I’m not I’m not trying to to to exclude you guys today, but I do think that there’s a—you know moms who are home with their little ones all day long, and we sometimes lose sight of the fact that God is in the little things. And that anchor to me, over these 27 years of raising you know all of my children, that anchor has really been found in hitting like a reset button like going— woah! look at this, or this is not working today, all these things I’m trying are not working. The crockpot didn’t get plugged in, my teenager’s mouthing off to me—whatever.

Sometimes I’ll hit the reset button, and I just I love what you said—put on the praise music and just say— no kids were done today, we’re not going to to keep striving and trying to pursue this thing. I’m going to instead pursue my relationship with you and my relationship with the Lord. And then say—Lord show me, how do you see me in this moment? I think you’ve done a really good job of doing that.

So, I know that there’s a section in your book that’s devoted to practical application—which is kind of why I put you on the spot. Because I think it’s easy for Christians, and particularly Christian moms who’ve been in this walk with the Lord a long time, to use lingo that other people like—what? what do you mean? And I love that you have an entire section of Abundant Motherhood that’s devoted really to teaching these moms how to put the things that you’re teaching them to practice.

So, what is a mom who really needs to understand that practical side of it—what’s she going to find in that particular section of the book?

[Kara] Yeah, in that chapter I talk about some sanity savers for moms who are having one of those crash and burn days or moments. And there’s three main things there there— that for me have been my go-to’s, and one of them is to reach out and find community. And that you have some people in your life that you can go to. For me, my sister I can send her a text. I use three certain emojis and right away she’ll text me back like, you’ve got this, I’m for you I’m with you. And it’s changing up the scenery, like sometimes, like you said—you just got to push pause on the day and do something else.

[Heidi] Yeah, right?

[Kara] You just gotta change it up.

[Heidi] Yea right, it’s okay to say — well this isn’t working.

[Kara] And then there’s also several practical things to do for your kids. If you find yourself hitting an issue with your child over and over again, it’s the same thing over and over — it’s some ideas to do, it’s Scripture suggestions, and activities, and things that you can do with your children in your home. To even maybe change your approach. Change it up a little bit, change how you’re addressing this particular situation with your kid.

[Heidi] Yeah, it’s so good and I think for moms who are listening—any seasoned mom knows that what worked last week—might not work this week. And it’s okay to say —we’re going to hit the reset button and we’re going to try something different. And I love that you’re encouraging moms.

Where can listeners find more information about you? I’m going to tell them how to get your book in just a second— but where can they find more about you?

[Kara] Yeah. Facebook! They can find me on Facebook at Kara Moss or on Instagram at @Kara.V.Moss and website is KaraMoss.com. I would love to get to know people better, and chat, and visit— and I just love encouraging moms and just saying—you got this, you can do it.

[Heidi] Well we need more cheerleaders out there.

[Kara] We need each other saying that to the other.

[Heidi] We do!

[Kara] Yeah.

[Heidi] And I love that you said—hey, find community. And i’ve been telling moms—I mean I know you can find Kara on Facebook, but Kara doesn’t live in your neighborhood. Get off line and get out into community. I think so much of these moms— we’re hurtin’ because we’re not out there. We’re not doing community, not doing life together anymore. So, I appreciate that.

For those of you who want information about Kara’s book—I will link back to it in the show notes today! You can find her book Abundant Motherhood—it releases today. What a privilege for us to have you on here for your launch day, Kara. I wish you the very best. I hope everybody listening gets a copy of your book.

[Kara] Thank you so much. It was a delight to chat with you and I appreciate you having me.

[Heidi]You’re very welcome. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does with you in the years to come—I have a feeling it’s going to be really good stuff!

So everybody, for more information about Kara please check it out HeidiStJohn.com/Podcast. If you scroll down, you’ll notice that we just started transcribing this podcast—so it should be real easy for you to find the notes and also find the links to her book. If you’ve got any questions for me that you’d like addressed furthering this conversation, or any other thing please shoot us an e-mail at podcast@thebusymom.com.

I want to remind you guys I’m going to be in Ottawa for the RVHEA convention tomorrow, and then next week on the 2nd of May, that’s a Thursday — I will be at Ocean Network in Salem Oregon for Apple Pie Day. Come on out and let’s get off the bench and onto the battlefield together.

Thanks for listening everybody, I appreciate it. I’ll see you back here on Monday!

Write to Heidi:
c/o Firmly Planted Family
11100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Support this ministry by donating through E-giving. You can also send donations to: 1100 NE 34th Cir, Vancouver, WA 98682

Submit your questions to MailBox Monday: podcast@thebusymom.com

Don’t Miss These!

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