The Illusion of Doing It All

privilege_parentingOnce in a while, people ask me how I “do it all.”  I usually cringe at the question—because I’m never sure how to answer it without a long drawn-out explanation of how I can’t possibly even pretend that I can do it all.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately—Pinterest and Facebook and blogging have created this illusion that moms can have it all and do it all. I believe that the illusion is hurting us.  As I write this, I’ve finished school (hooray) but the dishes are not done and the laundry is piling up.  I am pretty sure I had it done yesterday.  I had the house all tidy and in a matter of a few hours it looks like a war zone. Honestly. Oh well.

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As I said in yesterday’s Quiet Time Talk, nothing else compares to spending time with the ones God has given to us. The privilege of parenting lasts just for a season. It ends as quickly as it begins. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to miss it.

You may see me posting on Facebook and wonder how I’m “there” so much.  Well, I’ve decided to pull back the curtain a little more on my life so that you can see what it really takes manage a family and homeschool while I write books and blog and speak. Not because I’ve got it all together—but because I don’t.

Life just happens while we’re busy making other plans, doesn’t it?  One minute I’ve got the world by the tail and the next I’m sitting the ER with a toddler.

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It occurred to me a few weeks ago that it looks like I  am on Facebook every few hours because I’ve wanted it to look that way to some degree. I wanted to look like I was there, because I care about the people I’ve come to know and look forward to reading comments, etc. Lately though, I’ve wondered  if that’s actually hurting my message of being “in life” more and online less. So, allow me to be very honest: In reality, I’m there at my page just a couple times each day.  Most of my posts are scheduled early in the morning when I’m by myself and can think straight.  Of course, every once in a while I’ll post something that’s happening that strikes me as funny or that I think would encourage my readers.

Those of you who know me know that I like to share life with others. However… I can also get easily distracted and the computer can be a huge time waster for me.  I can’t do school effectively with it open—something I struggle with all the time.  I’ve discovered that the best way for me to do what I need to do is to plan ahead and to get help.  I am always praying for balance and giving my agenda to the Lord so that He can help me sort it out.  When I don’t do this, I struggle with feelings of guilt and insecurity. It’s become crucial in my life to find a balance in the way I spend my life’s energy.

I want to spend it on the things that matter the most.

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If you’re struggling to find balance, you’re not alone. It’s illusive, but it’s there. We just have to keep asking, keep trying.

Speaking of finding balance—I’ve known for some time that I can’t be the only one that writes at my blog. I’m a huge fan of getting other perspectives and sharing the load.  I also believe that God would have me be wise about how I spend my time, and part of that journey has led me to seek out a team of writers for The Busy Mom.

On Friday, you’ll meet them. There are 19 contributing writers coming from many different walks of life.  Some large families, some small.  Some homeschool, some do not. They all share of love for the Lord and for their families. The process of choosing writers was not easy. There are so many wise and godly women out there!

I hope you will be encouraged as they share their hearts and ideas with you. I’m so grateful for you all. It’s a tremendous blessing to me to be able to share a little of my heart with you each day. Thank you for being part of The Busy Mom. I hope that in the days to come, you’ll enjoy even more encouragement and we grow and stretch—and I pray we can all find the balance we need to love our families.

It’s there—we just have keep after it.

Balancing with You,
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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

This entry was posted in MomStrong Sisterhood and tagged on by .

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

24 thoughts on “The Illusion of Doing It All

  1. Rhonda Mendel

    Thanks for the post – a very relevant topic these days as more and more moms are forced to appear as if they “do it all…” I homeschool 3 kids and work nights and weekends. Pile on top of that several church ministries, free shuttle service for lessons, practices, sports, and then heave on top of all this stuff the “normal” duties of housework, shopping, laundry (gasp), cleaning (what is that?) and tutoring a child with a severe learning disability, and you have my life. But it is a great life – despite the daily sense of being overwhelmed by my circumstances. But I am also overwhelmed by a sense of peace regarding the people and ministries God has placed in my care for a very short time. I want to do more, but I can’t. I want to pursue hobbies, but that pathway is barred at present. I am so thankful that the Lord knows I am dust, and He loves me, encourages me and strengthens me. Not for a whole day at a time, but for the next task. Thanks for your blogs – they are such an encouragement!

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  2. STL

    Thanks for trying to keep it real. I am enjoying your blog and I am struggling with the same things. I only have one child, we are homeschooling, and I also work “part time” (officially part time, but full time in actual fact). I don’t balance it all well at all–usually it’s the house that loses. One thing I love about your messages is the occasional reminder to get off the computer and start the crock pot, or things to that effect. I’ve thought about the fact that you’re on there telling me to get off, but still, I appreciate the reminder. 🙂

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  3. Julie

    Really enjoy reading your blog…I get asked all of the time “how do I do it”- I have seven kids under the age of 12 and although I do not homeschool I am super involved in their activities and schools… I don’t really know how to answer that yet. I try to explain that I am not the “super mom” that they refer to me as , but they insist that I must be superhuman because they ” only have two kids “… I struggle with this and try to explain( this happens almost daily)that I honestly just “roll with the punches” ! the biggest problem/crisis/project/diaper at any given moment is what gets taken care of… I literally live minute to minute! Anyway, I don’t have the exact answer/ response that I would like to have just yet but it evolves daily into a better answer- I can relate and I appreciate everything you share! Julie

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  4. Amy Aldinger

    Thanks for keepin’ it real, Heidi St. John! =) I’m excited to meet your team on Friday too! I think it’s great that you’re listening to the Lord and actually obeying Him!!! =) (What a concept!) 😉 You are a wonderful role model for us all…glad to know you’ll be able to “share the load”, like you said, and spend more time w/ your own family. Thank you so much for the parts you share of yourself w/ us! You are very encouraging (and entertaining!!!) =)

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  5. Grandma

    Heidi, you sound balanced and real; something many of us aspire to be. The thing is, though, that most of us think we aren’t because we may not live as others do. My life as a Mom is finished, but my life as a grandmother seems much more harried than being a mother EVER did. One thing I HAVE learned is that being in the moment of right now, today,is easier and more fulfilling than trying to find my way into tomorrow or next year (or even the next decade). I try to be a human BEING, not a human DOING. Thank you sommuch for sharing with us. I am looking forward to meeting the sistahs (ARE they sisters?) who take some of the load off your shoulders.

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  6. heidi b

    I am so thankful for your honesty this us. I have never questioned how you do it all because I now from all that I have read that you are so in tuned to God that He gives you what you need when you need it. 🙂

    Blessings to you and your busy world and know you are such an encouragement to this reader.

    Hugs, Heidi (also)

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  8. teresa

    Heidi, I met you in Spartanburg, SC TTD last years conference. I have 10 children, 19-3. I have been following you ever since then. I love reading about your real life. Just yesterday I put away weeks worth of laundry piled in our room. My husband was shocked and thanked me. 🙂 Then he laughed and said but the rest of the house looks like a tornado went through. My older two girls have been gone two weeks and you know how much they help, so I’ve had to do double duty. I appreciate knowing you have the same problem. Thank you!

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  9. Jeannine

    This post was what I needed to see today. Your transparency and sharing about insecurity ministered to me. Thank you for being “real”.

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  10. Karey

    My balance came when I realized that I can’t do it all and became content with that. I still have my moments and my husband helps a lot!! And we make time for dates, very important. I love my family.

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  11. Alison

    Thank you for sharing! I have 4 kids 6 to 4 months, including 6 year old twins. When I get asked how I do it, I answer “I dont do it all, but what i do get done is done with prayer and assembly line like procedure!” I am struggling a lot right now because I have let the prayer part slip. Your quite times for busy moms posts are helping a lot! Thanks again!

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  12. Gee Philips

    Hi,
    I’m up at this time because I just finished breast feeding my new born. I don’t mean to dampen the happy mood on this blog but I just have to talk. I’ve been crying a river all night and I’m not sure what is happening. I am 27 year mother of two beautiful girls 18 months and 4 weeks and a wife to the most amazing man. I’ve always been a people person and always instrumental to their success and very relevant in all my friend’s lives and anyone I meet. I’m great at counsel and always have the words and advice for any and everyone. I moved here 3 years ago from my home country in Africa which meant leaving my 9-5 and trying to figure it out here. We decided going back to school will fill my time while I figure out my way. It was a perfect occupier for me especially since I was 17 I’ve never been without a job. I met friends on the way, formed good friendship with stay at home moms and “not moms yet” like myself at the time. I finished my MBA strong with the clear hope of pursuing my career ASAP but my amazing daughter couldn’t wait to be conceived 🙂 I found I was pregnant at the time, it was a tough transition and my 1st 3 months was hard to say the least. I had a very great support system and I pulled through. I couldn’t continue my job search as a result, I took extra classes to occupy myself. After my precious came, I took time out to be a new mom, and all that stuff. 9 months after I felt I was ready to get back into my groove of job search but another angel decided to be conceived again :). My husband was transferred overseas at the time so there I was struggling with a baby and yet another hard 1st trimester. I couldn’t take it so I started a door to door marketing job for an energy company, not an ideal job and not the job description either but I did it anyways. That is when I assume the judgement began, all my friends thought I was selfish putting myself and baby at risk and not focusing on my 10 month old but I kept on. I stopped when I contracted dangerously in my 1st trimester. To cut my story short I feel sometimes like a failure or like I’m doing something wrong especially when everyone around me calls to talk about their work day, their classes, their promotions, their family issues and success and then they end the call with “so what are you doing” oh I’m watching a show relaxing after house chores. Omg!i love your life……REALLY. Oh what are you doing? I just got back from the gym! I wish I had all the time in the world just like you. Again hey what are you doing I’m applying to jobs” are u kidding,….hahaha. I just feel depressed a little. I want to be relevant again to myself, feel good, feel professional once again, make my kids and husband proud of me. Even though they are, I just feel I need to do more than clean, feed, computer and tv. Thank you for reading and pls post a comment, I need to hear from someone.

    Reply
  13. Gee Philips

    I am genuinely happy for success stories and all my friends. I just wish I had mine to tell as well. Motherhood is beautiful, but no one sees it. I still feel I have a lot of energy for my professional life and I want to burst out but it isn’t happening now. I’m really grateful for all that God has done in my life, bringing me thus far and I don’t want to go ahead of his plan for me or go out of his grace. I just need to hear that I need to be patient and focus on my little ones this period. But I need some productive group or some productive activity in between. So I don’t feel like I have more than 24 hours on my hands.

    Reply
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