Tag Archives: preschoolers

How to Spoil Your Child in Five Easy Steps

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Twenty five years ago, I had a lot of theories about parenting. You know—because I was a kid once. Boom. Qualified.

Yeah.

Don’t judge.

These days, I have a lot more grace for new parents. Having raised two of our seven to adulthood, I have to say, I died on a lot of hills that really didn’t need to see a battle at all. I dug my heels in over stupid things like whether or not my children could watch Pokemon. True story. Moral? There really are things that we can fixate on that won’t matter much in the end.

Flipside? There are also things that definitely WILL matter. Mark my words. We’re living in a culture of over-indulgence. As parents, we’ve been duped into believing that our kids “need” a whole bunch of stuff that they don’t need at all. So if you want to spoil your kids, start here:

  1. Make sure they have an iPad or a smart tablet. At the very least, give your kid a cell phone. After all, these things are important. Think of the apps they’ll miss out on and games they could be playing. Eight year olds need tablets and laptops. Kids are noisy. This is a great way to keep them out of our hair. Besides, it’s dangerous outside. And boring too. The kids told me so just last week.

    Since when did “wants” become “needs?” Since we let it, that’s when. I’m not sure when we decided that childhood required all the trappings of adult life—but if our kids are watching our example, we might be in all kinds of trouble in this area. I get the importance of being able to contact a child at school, etc., but they don’t need a “smart” phone—a simple dumb phone will do. Data plans are expensive. If you kids can’t pay for a data plan, don’t give them one. And that brings me to my next point…

  2. Pay allowance to your kids for simply being alive. Kids need money in order to learn how to spend it wisely. Besides, they only get one shot at being a kid. Make it as carefree as possible.

    Children need to learn to work. Giving a child responsibilities and chores says two things right off the bat: “You’re a valuable part of this family” and “The world doesn’t revolve around you.”  Parents don’t need to give their kids money for the sake of doing it. When was the last time you got money just for being alive? We don’t help our kids by giving them allowance for doing nothing. We enable them and teach them to live dependent on others rather than teaching them that there is reward found in working for what they have. Look around you. Watch the news. This mentality is not working for our nation, and it won’t work for our kids.

  3. Buy their clothes new. Thrift store clothes are for “other kids.” Who cares if they’ll grow out of that new pair of pants in three months? It’s your job to make sure your kids have the best of everything, and clothes are an important part of a child’s developing identity…right?

    I grew up in a houseful of seven kids. Hand-me-downs were a way of life for us—and it’s become a way of life for my children, too. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not against buying new things once-in-a-while. But most families simply can’t afford to fit every growth spurt with a new pair of Levi’s. Taking your kids thrift-store and consignment store shopping not only teaches them to be wise stewards later in life, it offers a healthy lesson in humility. (Besides, you’ll save a lot of money, too.)

  4. Forgo opportunities to help others on a consistent basis. Our kids don’t need to be “exposed” to homeless shelters and soup lines. The church pays for a janitor, so I don’t need to volunteer our time to tidy up the place… and if that single mom can’t afford to pay her babysitter, well, it’s her problem, right?

    Wrong. It’s our job as parents to lift our kid’s eyes up so they can see beyond their own circumstances. Helping others develops empathy in our children—something that video games can never do. When we take our children on mission trips, encourage them to volunteer in the nursery and help them pick out toys for less fortunate kids during the holidays, we’re telling them that they’re part of a bigger picture.

  5. Don’t require respect from your children. It’s okay if they don’t answer when you speak to them. Asking kids to make eye contact and speak respectfully to adults sends a message that adults know more than kids. Don’t worry if they’re rude to their teacher or other adults. Using “Mr.” and “Mrs.” is old-fashioned, and so is asking the adult what they would like to be called. Forgetaboutit. (said in my best NY accent.)

    This might be the one of the biggest issues we face as parents in this culture. Children who are not taught to respect authority or treat adults with respect miss two important milestones on their journey toward adulthood:  They miss the benefit of recognizing that they are in a season of learning to be worthy of respect themselves, and they miss the opportunity to practice humility. Sure there are many adults who are not worthy of respect, but that’s not the point. If we allow our children to be disrespectful to us as parents, they will not have respect for anyone. That’s a fact.

Hey. I’m not trying to sound like a mean mom—I love my kids to the moon and back. But I worry for our future as a nation when I see children who are overindulged and self-important. It’s becoming more and more rare to see a child disciplined for speaking disrespectfully to an adult or show up to an event sans smartphone. If we want a culture of self-absorbed, selfish and myopic adults, we’re well on our way unless we start to see those “old fashioned” values as timeless instead.

Be the parent. Your kids will thank you for it.
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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

If your child has given up naps this list of activities is great way to transition to quiet time!

Busy Mom’s Favorites {Quiet Time Activities for Kids}

I remember when my first son was really small and I would look forward to his naptime so that I could have a break and grab a shower.  I remember the joy that I felt when he finally settled into 2 naps a day: the glorious 2 hour nap in the morning and the wonderful hour nap right before dinner.  I also remember the terror and fear that struck my heart when he switched to one nap a day and then the disappointment when he stopped napping altogether.

When boy #2 arrived it was the same roller coaster of emotions. When he started showing signs of giving up naps I knew that I needed to find something that would let me have a few moments during the day to regain my sanity and something that would help my boys get the rest and downtime they needed. Quiet time activities were the answer!

If your child has given up naps this list of activities is great way to transition to quiet time!

Quiet Time Activities for Your Non-Napping Children

When my boys stopped napping I knew that they still needed time to rest during the day even if they didn’t need to sleep. I came up with a list of things that they could do in their rooms quietly for an hour while I had some time to get some work done or occasionally get some rest myself.

Audiobooks are our favorite quiet time activity. My boys love listening to the stories and the thing that I love is that I can tell them to listen to X number of chapters or the whole thing before they get up or come out of their room. This keeps them from coming out or yelling down the hall every 5 minutes “Is it time to get up yet?”.  Here are some of our favorite audiobooks:

Other activities that work well for quiet time:

Making the Transition to Quiet Time

My boys usually listen to an audiobook in their beds for about and hour and then get up and play quietly in their room for another hour. It took some time to get to this point. If your children are really young or new to quiet time you may need to start in smaller increments and work your way up to your desired amount of time. Use a timer so that you child won’t have to ask you every minute if quiet time is over. Also make sure that everyone has had lunch and some time to run around and burn off some energy before starting quiet time.

Here are a few other tips to help you get started:

  • A baby gate is a helpful for little ones so that they don’t leave their room.  It gives them a safe, structured place to play.
  • Be consistent: if you are going to transition to quiet time, stick to it. Don’t allow your children to argue or negotiate with you.
  • Rotate activities so that your children don’t get bored. Have things that only come out during quiet time or maybe have a  scheduled rotation.

Do you have any favorite activities or tips to add to this list? What do your non nappers do?

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Delight-Directed Learning for ANY Homeschool — Part Four (free printable)

 

delight-directed homeschoolWelcome back to my series on how to add delight-directed learning to ANY homeschool! You can read the first 3 installments here:  Part One,  Part Two and Part Three!

This is probably one of my very favorite ways to add delight-directed learning to our homeschool. And with summer upon us, the timing for this could not be more perfect!

Create a “fun school” jar with exciting activities you know your kids will enjoy.

The concept is super simple. Just grab a Mason jar or empty peanut butter jar — even a coffee can will work. Write your fun school ideas on slips of paper, fold them up, and toss them in the jar. On days you want to add some delight-directed learning to your day, you’ll have plenty of ideas there for the choosing.

I’ll give you a few ideas to get you started, but please — take requests from your children to add to the jar, too (that’s part of what makes it delight-directed!). Then take a break from “school” and let them choose from the jar what they will do that day. Here are 15 fun school jar suggestions to get you started:
  • Go on a nature walk with a list of items to look for (leaves, moss, animal tracks, acorns, flowers, etc.). I have a free nature printable I’d love for you to use for this. It has a scavenger hunt and journal pages for all four seasons. Download your free Nature Through the Seasons PDF.
  • Create art.
  • Do messy science experiments.
  • Collect an insect or other creature in your backyard (butterfly, moth, ants, spider, turtle) and observe it for a couple of days before releasing it. We have a box turtle that lives in our yard. My son loves to keep him around for a couple of days now and then for observation. He can tell you more about box turtles than most kids, I think.
  • Learn about how to use Word or PowerPoint.
  • Grab a camera and look for interesting things to photograph. Learn about digital photography while you’re at it.
  • Visit a nursing home with a list of questions to interview one of the residents.
  • Plant a garden. Even if you live in an urban area or apartment, you can grow herbs in a container or use root vegetables to make a table top garden.
  • Visit your local zoo or aquarium. Choose one or two animals to learn about before you go, then photograph and observe while there.
  • Find a creek or pond and collect water samples to study. Find rocks perfect for skipping and see how many times you can skip a rock through the water.
  • Visit your local state or national parks. National and state Parks offer amazing fun and educational opportunities for a low cost. We even seek them out when on vacation!
  • Learn about the history of ice cream; then go out for an ice cream cone.
  • Go geocaching!
  • Make pine cone bird feeders and hang them in a tree in your backyard.
  • Taking a walking tour of your city.

fun school jar

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

Teaching Our Kids About Honor

Yesterday, I was in a grocery store with my daughter. She was glancing at magazine covers as we unloaded our cart contents onto the conveyor belt. Aside from the usual gossip magazine covers, I noticed that several major magazines had lead stories about young people (and a few not-so-young people) who were making the most of their celebrity status—by behaving foolishly.

A magazine cover indicates a certain sort of honor, doesn’t it? That’s what my young daughter assumes.

Have you ever wondered why it’s important that we use wisdom in giving honor? You don’t have to look much farther than the newspaper and national media to figure out that we’re not exercising much discernment in bestowing honor these days. Here’s who we are currently elevating to “celebrity” status:

Athletes whose lives off the field are a wreck
Pastors who have a “following” but lack personal integrity
Reality TV personalities
Bloggers (hello!)
Actors
Musicians

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that these people are not worth of honor. But honestly? It’s not hard to see we have a problem where honor is concerned in our culture. The Bible has a lot to say about the importance of bestowing honor.

As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool.

In Romans 13:7, Paul instructs us to give honor to whom honor is due. When we honor people such as athletes simply based on their skill and ignore their personal lives, we do everyone a disservice. When we honor celebrities who clearly have huge moral deficits, what message are we sending to our children?

honor

I believe the message is clear: we’re telling our kids that as long as they can produce something that other people want (like a winning touchdown), all bets regarding their behavior are off.  There’s no clear solution on the horizon, either. As a culture, we need to do a better job of honoring those to whom honor is due. Christian or not, behavior matters.

As parents, this translates into everyday life with our children. When we praise our children for their achievements regardless of their behavior, we’re not doing them any favors. Praise them for their integrity, courage, kindness, respect and honesty. Let’s help our children to make wise choices by making wise choices ourselves. When we honor the wise choices they make, we are teaching our children what is worthy of praise.

Where Is the “Easy” Button for Parenting?

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Did you ever sing The Bear Hunt song at school? I remember it well.  See if this brings back any memories:

(Leader)
We’re going on a bear hunt!
(Group)
We’re going on a bear hunt!

We’re gonna catch a big one!
We’re gonna catch a big one!
I’m not afraid!
I’m not afraid!

As a third grader, I loved this form of adventure. It was a way to get the wiggles out while pretending to be brave for that cute boy with the messy hair and big blue eyes who sat two desks behind me.

The other day, I was talking with my friend about mothering. We were laughing about the ups and downs of every day life when the conversation turned to the difficulties of homeschooling. Eventually, we landed on the topic of raising children. So many of us spend money and time looking for that perfect solution for raising kids. Surely there must be an easier way. Last night when I was reflecting on our conversation, it came back to me. “This journey of parenting is a little like going on that bear hunt,” I thought. I couldn’t remember the whole thing, but after a little time on Google, I found it. I recalled repeating after my teacher as she said:

Oh, no! ” ”
It’s a big puddle of mud ” ”
Can’t go around it ” ”
Gotta go right thru it ” ”
Yeuk! ” ”
Well, let’s go.
Squish, Sqwish, Blaaahh.

Squish. Blaaaaaah. Are you struggling a strong-willed child? Maybe you are at odds with your teen. Squish. Plod. Can’t go around it. Can’t go over it. Can’t go under it. Gotta go through it. Sound familiar? It’s easy to think that if we just put our kids in school, our lives would be easier. Maybe, if we had more money or if our child was more obedient—or maybe less strong willed—life would be easier.

Precious mom, don’t think for a moment that this journey you’re on as a mother is only about the children you’re raising. I assure you; it’s as much about you as it is about your children. Parenting is the hardest, best thing that most of us will ever do. It’s not easy.

If you’re struggling today, don’t lose hope! Parenting isn’t supposed to be easy! It’s the struggle that’s teaching us! The journey is filled with challenges, both big and small: not unlike that Bear Hunt from so long ago …

We’re coming to a wide river ” ”  (my child is strong-willed)
And there’s no bridge going over it ” ”  (no book is going to fix it)
No tunnel going under it ” ”  (there’s no way to ignore it)

If you feel overwhelmed by the many responsibilities and pressures of parenting, , know that you don’t have to go it alone.  Those who love you won’t feel burdened by listening to you and helping you along in your journey. I can almost hear my friend Margaret talking to me as we dealt with our first fevers, fussy toddlers, school, adolescence, and finally adult children. I’m a “Mamsi” now—and I can’t wait to hold my grown daughter’s hand as she begins to cross the wide, wide river …

It’s just plain old water ” ”
And we’re gonna have to swim ” ”
All right, dive in!
Start swimming
Do the back stroke
Do the side stroke
Do the doggie paddle
Try the little cat paddle
OK Jump out, shake yourself off

Parenting is hard. There is no “easy button” for it—and that’s okay. It’s one of the reasons we need each other. It’s one of the reasons we crave relationship. We were created for relationship. We need to know we’re not alone.

Shhh, it’s a cave ” ”
Looks like the kind of cave that B-bears live in ” ”
I don’t know if I want to go in there
You think we oughta go in?
Are you nuts?
There’s probably a bear in there

Parenting requires both perseverance and authenticity. We need each other. As we go through the struggles of parenting, hopefully, we’re growing too. Are you helping that new mom or the mom who is struggling through a problem you have faced?

All right I’ll go in, You stay here,
And if I find a bear, I’ll come out and get you
And we’ll all go in and grab him together

The next time you see an exhausted mom sleeping through “Mommy and Me” class or posting about having too much laundry to do, encourage her! Since there is no “Easy Button” for this journey, we had better stick together.

I’ll come out and get you—we’ll all go in and do this thing … together.

Group hug,
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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

The Gift of a Terrible Two!

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Brianna was only two years old, and I was so proud of my girl. She was the kind of toddler that did everything right. She never yelled, “NO!” She obeyed quickly. She was a happy little girl who wanted to please those around her, and she loved everyone. I decided that it was because I had done everything right. We were faithfully disciplining her, I was a stay at home mom, we had family bible time. Yes. I was doing it right, and the fruit of my rightness was an obedient two year old. The two’s don’t have to be terrible! I would say with self-confidence.

Then I gave birth to my second child.

Things started out in a similar fashion as they did with my first child. He was a happy, content baby. We started disciplining him early. I was a stay at home mom and he was included in Bible time. Our daughter was three years old and loved her little brother. Things were going well.

Then he turned two…

I’m not sure what happened on the second birthday of my second born, but my “the “twos” don’t have to be terrible” theory was slowly becoming a fallacy! The “twos” were terrible! They were awful! I would look at my husband and ask, “What are we doing wrong?” He would shake his head and say, “I don’t know!” I began to wonder if I would ever enjoy being a mother again.

“...God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5

I was a prideful mommy, and God was using my son to humble me!

Twenty years later I can see very clearly what was happening, but in the moment I was desperate for help. I am so thankful for the gift of a “terrible two” because it was exactly what this girl needed to be humbled. It’s the very thing that I needed to begin the process of learning that I can really only do so much. God has to work in the heart of my child. He has made individuals, not robots that respond to the “do’s and don’ts” of parenting!

God has made each child to be an individual. In some ways that makes it a little harder for us as parents, because there’s really no cookie cutter way of parenting.  But if we allow it to, it forces us to drop to our knees and pray for continual guidance on how to direct each child. I have found that as I view my children as individuals, I am learning to appreciate them for the unique people that God has made them to be. I learn to love them in a deeper way as I get to know them as people…not just my kids.

Ask yourself some questions:

  1. Do I view my children as the kids that I need to parent, or as individuals I have the privilege of getting to know?
  2. Do I consult parenting books (which CAN be very helpful.) more than I do God and His Word, about the children He created and gave me?
  3. When I give parenting advice, do I automatically share all that I have done as a parent, or do I encourage others to pray and ask God to lead them as individuals?
  4. When people give me compliments about my children, do I take the credit or do I give God the glory for anything good that is seen?
  5. Am I allowing God to use my children in MY life? Do I see that God is using them in my life to mold me into His image just as much as he is using me in their life?

Yes. Our children are individuals. Unique. Precious people. I am a better person having known my children. I sometimes feel that I have learned much, much more from them than they have learned from me! I am so thankful that God has given me 24 years of pointing these two precious people to their Savior!

And now that  they are completely grown, if you see anything good in them, the verse that I will share with you is this one:

…all that we have accomplished HE has done for us.” Isaiah 26:12

A great list of ways to have fun with your family at the park | TheBusyMom.com

10 Things to Do At the Park

One of my favorite places to hang out with my boys is the park. Living in Florida means that it’s usually warm enough to go outside all the time.  While the playground equipment provides a lot of fun for my boys, I have found that there are many other things to do at the park that are just as fun {and sometimes educational}.

A great list of ways to have fun with your family at the park | TheBusyMom.com

10 Things to Do with Your Kids at the Park

1. Have a picnic: On a really nice day pack up lunch and head to the park.  I have an old comforter in my trunk that we use for our picnics at the park. One days when we just need to get out and get some fresh air a picnic can be just what we need.

2. Read a book: This one goes well with #1. When we have a picnic at the park I always take something to read. I will read to my boys while they eat their lunches. Sometimes it’s something for school (a history book) and sometimes it’s whatever read aloud we are working on.  I also take something to read by myself while my boys play.

3. Take a nature walk: My boys love to explore and this year we are taking more time for nature walks.  When we are at a park I try to take a 10-15 minutes when we first get there or right before we leave to go on a nature walk.  We walk around the park and observe nature. We look for plants and animals. One year we visited the same park every week and we got to watch as ducklings hatched and grew. My boys also found a tadpole pond and we were able to watch the transformation from tadpole to frog.

4. Art: My boys love to paint and create and make messes. The park is a great place for this because there’s no mess in your house to clean up.   My boys love watercolors and chalk pastels so these are usually what we take with us to the park. They get to draw or paint things that they see at the park or whatever pops into their heads.  This can also be a great tie in with nature walks. Sometimes my boys will draw something that we found on our walk.

5.  Fly a kite: My boys love to fly kites! Sadly I take after Charlie Brown when it comes to kite flying. But the park is a great place for kite flying. There’s lots of open space and grass to run. And if you need some help there’s usually someone there to help you out.

6. Target practice: My boys love to shoot things. We have cap guns, swords, nerf guns and archery sets everywhere. There really isn’t much room in our tiny apartment for my boys to really have fun with these toys so from time to time we take our armory to the playground.

7. Games: Re-live your childhood by playing some of your favorite games  (hide-n-seek, red rover, tag,  etc).  My boys love to play hide and seek at the park because there are so many places to hide. If you have a big group of people red rover can be a lot of fun. My boys are always asking me for new games to play with kids at the park.

8.  Ball Game: Grab those soccer balls, footballs and baseballs when you head to the park.  Take advantage of the extra space to run and play and the extra kids to add to the fun!

9.  Climb Trees: My boys love to climb trees. Every time that we go to a new park they run around looking for trees to climb.  I love watching them climb like monkeys. Our favorite park has many trees and I love watching as my boys get older and are able to climb more trees.

10. Have fun: Get out there and play with your kids! My boys love it when I slide and climb and run around with them at the park.

What are some of your favorite things to do at the park?

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Heidi St John Guide to Daylight