Tag Archives: parenting

Dear Church: Please Stop Trying to Be Relevant.

I received a message from a woman last week who was desperate to reach her wayward son. “I don’t want to offend him,” she lamented. “I don’t want him to think I’m irrelevant because I believe the Bible.” She went on to say she was even more confused about how to reach her son because her pastor was unwilling to address cultural issues. You know, we need to be careful not to “push anyone away.” Her pastor’s passive stance on issues that her family is facing confused her. Her struggle deepened. After all, what good mother would push her son away with Bible verses-n-stuff? Sounds a little “yesterday,” and “churchy” in today’s progressive culture, don’t you think? But is it?

I might be all alone here, but I think our struggle for cultural relevance is robbing the Church of the one thing that actually makes us relevant. We sure can draw a crowd with our hipster services and feel-good gospel—but tell me, how’s that working for us?

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A few days ago, I read the story of a young Christian rocker named Trey Pearson. He has joined a chorus of other Christians in embracing his “true self,” by “coming out” as gay—leaving a devastated wife and broken family in his wake. In the name of being his “authentic” self, he has embraced what God says leads to death. With acceptance from people he thinks speak for Jesus, Trey has chosen to deny God and exalt himself. Trey said this was a “defining moment” for him – a moment when he finally found himself. Like so many before him, Trey has traded God’s truth for his own.

What’s a Christian to do? It’s a little bit of a crowd-shrinker I know, but here it is: the answer is not to run toward “our truth.” The answer is to run away from it! The answer is to run toward the Way, the Truth and the Life— toward the One who died to set us free by His truth.

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My heart truly breaks for this young man, and for all those who will follow him. It’s age old spiritual warfare—SW101, if you will: Take out the pastor and declare open season on the sheep. Satan knows if he can take out a man or woman with a platform, he’s got a clear shot at those who follow that platform. So where were the true Christians when this man with a platform was engaged in one-on-one spiritual warfare with the enemy of his soul?

They were nowhere to be found. I noticed Trey was flanked by two of his “pastors” in an image on his blog. He talked about how these “pastors” were instrumental in helping him. A true follower of Jesus would have loved Trey enough to be honest with him. Honestly? The Christian life is about denial of self (Colossians 3:5) rather than the embracing of it. If we embrace our “true selves” then look out—because literally, all hell will break lose. In our natural self, we’re lost. But nevermind that. In the name of love, at least some of the Christians around Trey have sacrificed truth on the altar of compassion.

“Love” is taking on new forms these days. Except that it’s not loving to lie.

I was a pastor’s wife for nearly 20 years. As such, I can promise you right now that some church leaders are scratching their heads at this article, wondering how we got here. So let’s be honest: we blew it when we ostracized a group of people because they sin differently that we do. When I was a young Bible college student, I knew heterosexual couples who were totally sinning on the weekends—but the guy who said he struggled with same-sex attraction got the boot. What a mess we made. Unfortunately, instead of recognizing our sin and admitting that we are all broken in different ways, we’ve fallen off the other side of the narrow path. Now, we are sacrificing truth on the altar of mercy.

In the name of being culturally relevant and often, in direct rebellion against God, many churches have turned a blind eye to the sin of abortion, covered up the sin of its pastors and priests, hailed gay marriage as “progress,” and quietly condoned assisted suicide as “brave.” Even worse, we’re silent. When did we start believing that speaking the truth in love equals silence or timidity?

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

When did we forget the grace of Jesus on our own broken lives? When did we forget to talk about it? When did we stop believing it?

We may think we’re drawing people to Christ by quietly accepting this massive shift in the culture, but the evidence is clear: our silence is costing this generation dearly. Among the casualties of a “relevant” church is the inconvenient truth that, aside from rare chromosomal anomalies, our DNA is set at birth. We’re either male or female.

Bottom line? I don’t think the culture wants our wishy-washy “relevance.” They don’t need our fancy programs or big buildings. The youth of today are grappling with issues we could not have even imagined twenty years ago. They’re being bombarded by bold lies that are causing many of them to do irreparable harm to their bodies and minds. What is our answer? What do we say, Church? We say the truth—in love—and we leave the results up to God. That’s freeing, really; to know we’re not responsible for the response, we’re just responsible to bear witness to the healing grace of Jesus. We are simply called to tell people that truth exists—and that God defines it.

This is the challenge of the Church today: to tell the truth, as it’s put forward in the Bible. To stand for righteousness. To proclaim the gospel to a generation who thought Barak Obama would bring them “hope and change.”

Under the watch of the “relevant” church, devastating lies have taken root in the culture. The depth of deception we are facing runs deep and wide, but God’s Word tells us that the gate that opens to life is narrow. The road that leads to life is difficult. It requires that we come before the Lord daily and ask Him to help us live in His truth, not ours.

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Matthew 7:13-14

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The road is narrow—but it leads to life, and not just any old, run-of-the-mill life … abundant life.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10

The thief is lying to us, as he has been doing since the Garden of Eden. Jesus says, “Follow Me, and I will give you LIFE!” Life that’s worth living and worth sharing. Life that’s bold and courageous. (Joshua 1:7) Life that’s rich and abundant. So no. I’m not against using the technology and music of this age to reach people with the gospel. I love the concert-worthy music many of today’s churches provide and, dare I say, I enjoy a delicous latte on my way to Sunday School. These things are good; but I have to ask: In our effort to be seen as “relevant,” have we lost the thing that makes us truly relevant? Because the thing that makes us relevant doesn’t need the trappings of modern “Christianity.”

What good is an entertaining church service that fails to entertain the questions that this generation is asking? What good is it if we can’t articulate compassion and truth in a way that clearly addresses the message of the cross? The cross is hope.

…and hope does not disappoint. Hope has a name. It’s Jesus.

The truth of the gospel has not changed. The saving power of a relationship with Jesus is all the relevance we need.

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“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”Ephesians 4:25

Target’s “Guest” Policy Is About More Than Bathrooms

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The times, they are a-changing. Every day, it seems a new surprise announcement surfaces for the American public to try and absorb, everything from political shenanigans to gender-bending news—and mandates and edicts ‘n stuff. Seems we can’t catch a break from the new social order that is rapidly being constructed around us—you know… the one our children and grandchildren are going to grow up in.

And it’s wrong, too. It’s just plain wrong. Can I say that? It’s been a few weeks and I’m still shaking my head at the fact that we now have to defend the once commonly held notion that women’s restrooms are for, well—women.

It’s a conversation that we never imagined we would be having. First it was stores, and now, predictably, it’s coming to schools.

In the interest of transparency, I’ll confess: I never really liked Target calling their customers “guests.” The term implies that the store is not really a store. A+ marketing job, Target. They know people. When you’re a guest, you feel at home, right? The term has a warm fuzzy feel about it. It invites you to let down your defenses. As a “guest” in Target, you feel safe and valued while you spend your hard-earned dollars on everything from cucumbers to calculators.

It’s part of (or it used to be) Target’s appeal, isn’t it? We’re not just customers to Target, we’re their “guests.”

Listen. Target loves ~~your money~~ you. They have your comfort and safety in mind. They do! In fact, they want all their “guests” to be comfortable in their own skin. That’s why they’re allowing any grown man who “feels” like a woman to follow your 10 yr old right into their bathrooms. That guy has feelings! Don’t you care? Come one! Have a heart!

A Target supporter told me via Facebook the other day that I need to stop worrying about it. She suggested I “learn to be the parent” and simply accompany my girls into the restrooms, past the guys, you know … and just deal with it. A good mom would never let her kids go to the bathrooms alone anyway, right? Right! But that’s not the point, and most consumers know it. Target stock is continuing to plummet in the wake of their decision.

So here’s the question: Is this really Target’s best attempt at making their “guests” feel safe and loved and valued and protected and understood and comfortable?

Absolutely not. If it was about making transgendered customers feel safe, they would have spent the money to put in more family restrooms.

Make no mistake: Target’s eyeing a much bigger target.

Target doesn’t care that this puts women and children at risk in the most vulnerable of scenarios. This is not about accommodating the transgendered community. It’s about forcing anyone who senses there is something inherently wrong with men pretending to be women to “get over it…” and if they have to sacrifice yours or your daughter’s or your wife’s safety in order to make their point, they’ll do it.

This is so NOT about bathrooms. It’s about social engineering. It’s about a large corporation saying they know better than the people who are so fortunate as to be seen as guests in their stores.

And, it’s another nail in the coffin of what God says family was created to look like: marriage between a man and a woman; a father and a mother raising children. We are, by design, male and female. The LGBT movement you are seeing in the culture today has one aim: to further destroy “binary” of male and female, and ultimately, change the culture forever. As the family goes, so goes the culture.

Bottom line? I’m not buying it. And I don’t just mean what Target is selling, I mean what they’re selling. I’m not buying their perverted new social order. I’m not buying their arrogant attitude—but Target is a private company. If they want to put their “guests” in danger to make a political statement, that is their right.

The public schools are another matter entirely. Most of you know we have homeschool our kids—and after the ~~President’s~~ king’s edict last week, you could not pay me to put our kids back into a government school. Target is one thing. I’ll vote on that one with my wallet. But our kids—our kids! Mr. President. You would pull funding from American schools to make a political point? Really?

Yes. He would. Why? Because this is not about bathrooms. It’s bigger than that. It’s about ushering in a new era where those who believe in the traditional male/female “binary” are shunned and marginalized.

There comes a time when ordinary people need to stand up against dangerous ideologies. I hope you won’t let fear keep you from protecting your children, wives and daughters. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to say NOT ON MY WATCH. It’s okay to tell President Obama that you don’t want to participate in his social agenda. We’ve got kids to protect. I expect to see a huge surge in the number of parents choosing to homeschool because of actions like this. If you’re thinking of homeschooling, take it from a mom of seven who has been doing it nearly twenty years. You can do it. If you’re on the fence about homeschooling, now is a good time to take the plunge.

Here are five things I wish I’d known before I started homeschooling.

Oh, and Target, I don’t want to be your guest again—so you can take your comfy-cozy, calibrated collaboration with the left and keep it.

I choose my kids. We’re losing a lot more than our right to privacy. We’re losing our voice. We’re losing our freedom.

#notonourwatch

Join the boycott against Target HERE

Target CEO digs in; refuses to hear pleas from worried consumers

Raising Kids to Depend on Jesus

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My neighbor Dave died today.

At 87 years old, his mind was sharp as a whip, despite his ever weakening body.

My husband and I spent some time with him in the hospital recently during one of his many visits over the past few months. Dave was cheerful, sharing the Gospel with anyone who would listen, handing out tracts that he would order by telephone – even from his hospital bed.

After the doctors and nurses left the room, he shared with us for what must have been the 100th time since we became neighbors some 20 years ago, about his life. These stories often included sad stories of heart ache.

His mother was institutionalized for depression and possible schizophrenia when he was just three years old. Dave and his brother were sent to live with their grandparents in rural Michigan. Dave’s time living with his grandparents were probably some of the happiest days of his life. Or maybe they were just some of my favorites; stories of church picnics, outdoor shenanigans with his brother and the simplicity of farm life.

When Dave was about 12 or 13 and was becoming too much for his aging grandparents to handle, he was sent back to the city to live with his father and his father’s new wife.

That was a hard transition for a young man who had had everything done for him for so long. Rejected by his step mother and a source of irritation to his father, Dave eventually joined the Navy, served in WWII, came home and married.

After bearing 2 children, his wife fell in to a cycle of depression and mental illness that lasted her entire life. She was unable to care for her children or her husband and sweet Dave, in many ways still a boy himself, picked up the reigns and ran his family on his own as best as possible.

Years later, retired, widowed and alone, Dave spent many an afternoon at our house, sharing a cup of tea and reminiscing of days gone by. There was always a deep sadness as he told his stories, but he always ended by recalling God’s hand in his life.

I can’t help thinking of Dave as a boy, just as my boys are running through our home today.

I can’t help but thinking that, as moms, we have incredible power to affect our children’s future.

Here’s the thing. Dave knew Jesus. He was brought to church and his loneliness drew him to know his savior. When the turns of his life let him down, when his mother and father failed him, his wife failed him, even his children failed him – God never did.

When we’re in the midst of babies and sleep deprivation, new marriages and new challenges, it is hard to see the end from the beginning. Who can imagine their toddler as a confused 12 year old moving to a new state to live with a father he never knew, or as a 40 year old father of 3 with a mentally ill wife or as an 87 year old man with broken dreams and little worldly success to show for his time on earth.

Here’s the thing. Our kids may have all the best toys and clothes. Our kids may have all the best opportunities, get in to the best colleges and have the best jobs. But without a dependence on God – it’s all for nothing.

Raising Kids to Love and Depend on Jesus

Pray for them. Pray with them. Pray without ceasing. Pray that they would have a supernatural love for God’s Word.
Model a love for God’s Word. Read it. Teach from it in the Deuteronomy 6 way – as you sit, walk, rise and rest. Share with them what God is showing you through His Word and how He is working in your life.
Use times of discipline as a time for discipleship. Our kids’ character issues are an opportunity to show them that they NEED a savior, that they can’t do it on their own. Teach them to pray and ask Jesus to help them. Then, when they experience success, stop to thank Jesus for helping them!
Show them your dependence on God. We all fail everyday. Show your kids what a repentant and humble heart looks like.
Don’t be afraid when your children experience trials. Handled properly, our trials draw us nearer to God. Much like a fever acts for our good by killing an overgrowth of bacteria or a potent virus, trials purify us (and our kids) and draw us into a deeper dependence on God. If you can’t help but worry, refer to number 1 above!

During this season of back to school, sports, classes and clubs and all of the accompanying pressures and demands – remember Dave. Remember that the most important thing you can do for your child as you prepare them to go out into the world is to show them and teach them a love and dependence on Jesus!

3 Reasons NOT to Homeschool … and A Few Reasons Why We Decided to Give It a Try

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Homeschooling is a wonderful form of education. I love it. (Well, not always.) But here are few reasons you might *not* want to do it:

First Reason You May Not Want To Homeschool

You’re homeschooling out of fear. I meet parents all the time who are pulling their children out of school because they’re afraid. Afraid that their kids will be influenced by the world. Afraid that their kids will walk away from their faith, afraid of any number of scenarios that they feel homeschooling can prevent. If fear is driving you, I want to encourage you to spend some time in prayer.

God’s Word is very clear: fear is NOT from God.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7

“The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?”
Ps. 27:1

I love this because it makes it very clear that the LORD is our salvation—not homeschooling. Homeschooling will not keep your children from walking away from the Lord. A strong, personal walk with God is what does that.

Many parents choose curriculum out of fear, to the point of exasperating their children and becoming hostage to another’s expectations rather than letting the Lord direct them to what is best for their child. In this way, we sometimes let fear drive us without even realizing it.

How can we know if we’re acting out of fear or faith? Ask yourself: if the Lord asked you to stop homeschooling, would you trust Him to protect and guide you? To give you insight into the heart and mind of your child? Or would you be afraid?

Second Reason You May Not Want To Homeschool

You think homeschooling is easier than other options

I’ve been homeschooling for 18 years. It might surprise you to know that many of those years have been less than idyllic. Some of them have been downright difficult. Strong-willed children, learning hurdles, exhaustion, illness, and burnout have all been part of our homeschool at one time or another. Would I change it? Not on your life. I gotta tell you though— it has been anything but “easy.”

Third Reason You May Not Want To Homeschool

You think homeschooling is “the answer” to the problems this generation is facing

I love homeschooling. I think it’s one of the best things we (Jay and I) have ever done for our kids—but. It’s not “the answer.”

We keep our children home because we believe it’s the best thing for our family, but we know that homeschooling in and of itself will not solve the problems we’re facing in this generation. The answer is Jesus. This weekend, I’ll be urging parents to stop waving the banner of homeschooling, and lift high the banner of Jesus Christ. Some may trust in horses (or homeschooling, or the government, or ourselves) but we (the children of God) trust in the name of the Lord! (My little paraphrase of Psalm 20:7)

So, why do my husband and I choose to homeschool our children?

There are several things that come to mind but our top three reasons are these:

First Reason We Choose To Homeschool

We don’t believe that education is neutral—or benign.

Education is the imparting of ideas and yes, even ideologies to a student. As parents, my husband and I feel a keen sense of responsibility to make sure that we know not only what, but who—is influencing our children.Luke 6:40 tells us that “a student is not above his teacher,” and that ultimately, the student will become like his teacher. That’s a huge responsibility—telling parents that their children are going to a lot like whoever teaches them. Knowing this also gives me a very healthy respect for my role as a mother—because the chances are good that my kids are going to be an awful lot like … you guessed it … me.

Second Reason We Choose To Homeschool

We want to be the primary influencers in the lives of our children.

We’re not under any illusions that homeschooling will keep our children from making unwise decisions—but we believe homeschooling our children gives us much more influence in their lives as grow into adulthood.Why? Because it allows us time. Time to talk with our children about the things that we believe matter the most. Over the years, we’ve taken our kids to places like Washington D.C. so that they could see our Constitution and the Magna Carta.

We’ve been to courthouses and walked the halls of the senate building. Why? Because we can. Homeschooling has allowed us to take the education of our children to heart—and has allowed us to make a significant investment into their lives.Sooner or later, all of our children will be making investments into the lives of their own children—and we hope we’re setting a good example for them!

Third Reason We Choose To Homeschool

We love being with our kids.

From newborns through young adults, we just love being with our kids. Homeschooling has allowed us to take advantage of “last minute” field trips and capitalize on many truly teachable moments with them because we’re not bound to anyone’s schedule except our own.

Last week, we were reading Minn of the Mississippi, and the kids were struggling to understand the lock and dam system described in this timeless story of a snapping turtle who traveled from the Great Lakes to the Gulf of Mexico. Because we homeschool, I was able to make a last-minute decision to stop “school” for the day and in favor of some hands-on learning. I took the kids to Bonneville Dam. Going to Bonneville helped bring the story of Minn to life—and gave our kids the chance to be part of the story, rather than just hear it.

In the end, every parent is responsible for the education of their children—whether or not they choose to homeschool. Rather than judge another person’s choice, I hope we will do a better job of praying for each other. There’s a lot at stake where education is concerned, and we need to get it right—one prayerful, trusting family at a time.

Shop Heidi’s Amazon Store for Homeschool resources, recommendations, and more!

What Parents of Prodigals Need to Know

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My daughter’s eyes shifted nervously, avoiding my gaze, as she threw her clothing and makeup haphazardly into her suitcase.

She would be 18 in a few days and had made clear her intentions – get out of our house and get out fast.

Homeschooled her whole life and an easy going, cheerful child, there had been little to prepare me for what was happening, and try as I may to dissuade her, she was determined to go.

That was 3 years ago. That daughter is now happily married and joyfully back in our family. I’m not going to lie, it has been a long, hard road with many heart breaks and hurts along the way.

Have you ‘done everything right’ and still had a child jump ship? You are not alone!

I walked around with my head hanging in shame for months after our daughter left, believing that it was my neglect of some aspect of her education or upbringing that had caused all of this. Surely it was my fault that she rejected our family and our beliefs! I wracked my brains at night, unable to sleep, as I relived the key moments of her life.

Did she eat too much junk food, too many carbs, too much protein or not enough? Did she watch the wrong TV shows and movies, or were we too strict? Was our theology wrong? Were we too legalistic or too liberal? Did we miss some other critical opportunity in her life?

The answer to these questions is yes, and no. There is no perfect parent. We surely made many mistakes along the path. But that is not why our daughter rebelled.

Adam and Eve did have a perfect parent. They had the perfect environment and the most accurate theology possible – received straight from the mouth of God! And they still rebelled.

You see, your child, like Adam and Eve, has free will. Oh, they know the truth, you have taught them well. They know the truth and they have chosen to rebel, just like every other person, including you and me.

Your child may blame you for their poor decisions, but ultimately the decisions are their own.

There are two things that I have learned from being the parent of a prodigal. There are lots actually but we’ll save those for another day.

Keep your focus on Jesus. Take your eyes off of your child, your parenting and the hurt you are feeling and put them on Jesus. Get on your knees and get in the Word. God will use this experience to refine you, dear mama! By staying close to God and listening for His guidance, the lessons are learned much quicker than if we are kicking and screaming the whole way.

I wasted a lot of time worrying, blaming myself and thinking about what others thought of me during those three years. I had trouble remembering that God was working all of our experiences for the good. He wants us to check our hearts, to be sure, but He is kind and gracious. It is our enemy that wishes for this to tear our family apart.

Our earthly struggles are not to bring shame, they are to bring wisdom and humility and to prepare us to encourage others with the encouragement that we ourselves have received.

What God wants from us is that we learn to walk by faith, not by sight. Do you believe that God is in total control of your situation?

This kind of faith only comes through testing. A faith not tested is a faith not true. Being refined is not comfortable nor is it enjoyable. Take it from me, however, as we wrestle with our doubts and fears, God will faithfully bring us to a place of quiet rest – in Him.

Give God the driver’s seat. This next lesson is difficult to share but I pray that God will use it for good. God used the pain and humility of having a prodigal child to show me how I had created an idol out of our homeschool and parenting methods. I was so sure that we were ‘doing it’ right, that we had cracked the code of parenting. Our kids were doing great, our marriage was strong. This, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.

As parents, especially homeschooling, Christian parents, it can be too easy to think we have discovered the correct way to produce good kids. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge proponent of the benefits of Christian home education. But there is no formula for raising kids.

Somehow, after surviving the first few years of homeschooling, I assumed I had it all figured out and all but stopped asked God for direction. Instead of thinking how great we were for raising good kids and having a strong marriage, we should have been thanking God for these blessings. Every good thing comes from God.

I know that in our family, God has used our trials in many ways for great good. Without them we surely would have kept on doing things in the way that seemed right to us. Our trials caused us to cry out to God for His guidance and direction and the path that he subsequently led us on was far above and beyond what could ever have planned or imagined for ourselves.

Are you in the midst of a parenting crisis? Please let us know in the comments and we will pray for you.

5 Tips For Getting Out The Door Faster

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Our family has been through a huge transition over the past few months. After 8 years of homeschooling, we enrolled our kids in a small, private Christian school in our town! So, for the first time in 12 years of mothering, we are finding ourselves needing to be a little, teensy bit better about preparation, organization and getting out the door in the mornings on time.

Even if your kids aren’t in school, you might need to get out the door earlier for church, homeschool co-op or just a doctor’s appointment. We all have times when we have to be somewhere at 8am! And as the holidays are upon us, it seems there is always somewhere else to go, right?

Now, I will preface this post by saying I’m an on-time person. Or even early, generally speaking. I have an almost compulsive quality about me that drives my husband nuts. If something starts at 8am, I do NOT want to be walking in at 8am. I want to be there, in my seat and have everything I need for the event around 7:55am-ish. So, that said, I hope this post will still help you even if you tend to be one that runs late everywhere you go. I think we can all make progress and do better in this area, even if you generally are on time most days!

5 Tips for Getting Out The Door Faster

1. Prepare as much as possible the night before. I *might* be a tad bit compulsive about this too. I walk around my house at night looking for something, anything I can do that might help the morning go better. I help my kids find shoes, clothing, everything they will need BEFORE they go to bed. I set out all their lunch boxes, water bottles, and backpacks. I look through the backpacks at night to pull out papers I might have missed or needed to look at. Everything is ready to go.

2. Get up 10 minutes earlier. This one is hard; I really, really like my sleep. But, if you can make yourself get up a little bit earlier, isn’t it worth that lack of frustration in running around your house like a mad woman? I have noticed that when I am up, even a few minutes earlier than my kids, I am more calm when they lose a shoe or take 20 minutes to brush their teeth. {grin}

3. Make bedtime smooth and earlier. This is another hard one. But, if your kids are up late watching tv (or even mom, ahem) getting up earlier will be even harder! That bedtime routine you had when your kids were toddlers? Don’t stop! Keep that routine going or start a new one. They may not need to be in bed by 7:30pm anymore, but as my kids get older, it is still important to me that they get enough sleep!! START the bedtime process 30 minutes earlier than you intend for them to go to sleep. Have your children help you in walking around the house looking for backpacks, shoes and whatever they will need to get going in the morning.

4. Pack a tote bag for each day of the week, or each outing in your week. I’ve done this in the past with a pool bag. I keep sunscreen, goggles, the pool pass and anything I need at the pool IN THE BAG and I don’t pack, unpack, repack that bag every time we go to the pool! Have a bag like this for your weekly co-op, have a bag ready for church. When you walk in from co-op, hang it on a hook and it’s already ready for next week!

5. Turn on upbeat praise music. I saved my favorite for last. I can’t tell you how many bad moods a little Mandisa had zapped away in my household, mom included! Sometimes, out of desperation and just not wanting to hear one more, “I can’t find my shoe! HE THREW MY SHOE! Mommy, make him find my shoe!” I turn on the radio in our kitchen and turn it up. So maybe this would be considered avoidance. I like to think of it is as pointing my children to Jesus. {grin} Sometimes we need a little re-focus and music is just the way to do this. So, if you want to be one step ahead of your argumentative children, turn that music on as soon as you wake up the kiddos!! Everyone will walk around the house singing, getting ready, and you will wonder what in the world has gotten into everyone! Actually, as a wise mother, you will know what has gotten into them!! Praise fights off the worst of our enemies!! So get your praise on, first thing in the morning!

I hope these tips help you! I’m sure as veteran busy moms you have some tips for us, too! I would love for you to share in the comment section YOUR best tips for getting moving and out the door in the mornings!

How to LOVE Your Teen

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If you have one or more teens in the house, you probably know that it can be hard to love them at times. REALLY. HARD. Those years are full of so many changes both for your teen AND you. Things aren’t nearly as simple as they used to be. Their hormones are changing at warp speed, they desperately need to become their own person, and they have no idea what that is supposed to look like. And neither do we.

We currently have 4 teens (along with 2 married daughters and 2 younger children). I have often felt like I am walking through a maze with a blindfold on trying to figure out how to get them to adulthood with our relationship intact. They will probably always love me, but I really want them to LIKE me by the time they become adults. I have blown it more times than you can imagine, and somehow I still have a good relationship with all of them.

But it takes work. It means being intentional. It means loving them when they are the hardest to love. Here are a few ideas on how to LOVE your teen:

Listen: Be available to talk when they need to. My experience is that they usually want to talk about the time you are ready to FALL into bed at the end of an exhausting day. I have often resisted the urge to point them to the door, but honestly, I’ve never regretted taking the time to listen. I don’t know that the glimpses into the secret places of their hearts would have happened at any other time.

Offer support: It’s super easy to keep parenting them like they are in elementary school, telling them what to do instead of asking questions without judgment. Even offer to DO something to help. This helps them know that you are on their side. When they feel supported, they are encouraged to come to their own conclusions about things. It’s crucial that they learn to work things out for themselves and in this type of conversation, you often have the opportunity to help direct them. It’s also more likely that they will come to you for guidance more often.

Validate: It’s really important that our teens know their feelings are valid. The truth is that no one can tell someone else how to feel. So when our kids are dealing with feelings of disappointment, frustration or anger, we need to give them validation by empathizing with them. I don’t mean that they can act any way they want to, don’t get me wrong. That part does need to be kept within boundaries. But it’s usually best to wait for their emotions to diminish before problem solving or discussing possible solutions to the deeper issues.

Encourage: It’s doubtful that you could give your teen TOO much encouragement. They are already dealing with loads of self-doubt. Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager? It’s crazy HARD! What are some of the ways you would have liked to be encouraged? Try some of those out and see what happens. I recently emailed letters of encouragement to each of our teens. I took my time and was thoughtful in what I wrote to them. They were thrilled!

Don’t forget to ENJOY your teen. It can seem like conflict is endless at times, so it’s that much more important that we have FUN with them whenever we can.

Lastly, don’t think for one minute that you can pull this off without God’s help. I’ve never felt so needy as I have in parenting teens and I’ve never felt God’s presence so strongly. I’ve seen Him answer VERY specific prayers for the hearts of our teens over and over again, and I’ve had the privilege of watching our teens grown into amazing, confident, God loving adults.

Growing great kids is NOT for the faint-hearted, so be brave and be encouraged! It’s a worthwhile investment!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love