Tag Archives: motherhood

Dear Tired Mom Who Wonders If All This Christmas Fuss is Worth It

We took the kids to look at Christmas lights tonight. Me, my sister, our husbands and our children. It was gonna be GREAT. I imagined a quiet stroll down Peacock Lane and pictures in front of the Grinch house. Yeah. It didn’t exactly go down like that.

I don’t know why, either. I used to go to Peacock lane with my grandparents when I was a kid. I remember it as nothing less than perfect.

I won’t lie to you. There was some sibling bickering in the car on the way there. A certain four-year old was bothering her brothers by singing Christmas carols … off key. Someone ate someone else’s candy cane. On and on it went. Someone was cold. Someone was hungry. Someone had to go potty.

The street we love to visit was crowded… BUT. “We are MAKING MEMORIES!!” I told them—and so out we all piled. A few times along the way, we had to stop and take a head count. It wasn’t relaxing. Two of the kids told me they would rather be home. (Yeah. And I would rather be “here” with you, listening to you bicker when I could be home taking a well-deserved hot shower?) But I digress.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you the WAY IT IS. This parenting thing you’re doing—it’s not going to be easy. I’ve been at it now for going on 24 years. In my 24 years of parenting, I can testify to the fact that there are precious few “picture perfect” moments of family life. As moms, we live and breathe for those moments. Someone please. Just tell us that it’s not for nothing. We just want to know that it’s working, this investment of time, love and energy we’re making.

We wonder why we’re trying so hard. Is all this fuss really worth it? Why are we making sugar cookies and watching “Miracle on 34th Street” for the fifteenth time? The kids don’t seem to appreciate it. Even my husband is doubting whether or not anyone cares.

Is it that important?

I’m here to tell you that it is.

One day, your children will appreciate the fact that you made them stand in front of that wooden Grinch cutout for a family picture. Not too long from now, they’ll understand the sacrifice you made so that they could have a few traditions to share with their own families. Blink, and your teens will be young adults who will cherish those pictures that they argued with you about taking. I told myself that again tonight.

We need to let go of this idea that things have to be like something out of a Better Homes and Gardens layout. Your turkey doesn’t have to turn out just right and you don’t have to have a hundred presents under the tree. Your kids don’t need a bunch of presents that they won’t remember in a month and that you can’t afford—but they do need YOU.

Christmas comes just once a year. I say “make a fuss.” It’s the birth of our Savior. It’s worth the fuss. It’s a chance to get out from under our daily routine and be thankful. It’s a chance to give back.

In this Internet age, this age of screen time and Facebook, Christmas offers us a chance to step away. We can step away, look at some Christmas lights, watch a few old movies and while we’re doing it, we can assess where we’re going and what we’re sowing.

We are sowing, after all.

So yes. The fuss is worth it. You’re trying so hard because of love. Love builds something. Love imagines a memory five years from now and sees it as precious in the moment, too. Love says, “This matters.”

Real Christmas memories are made on nights like tonight.

Or at least, I keep telling myself that—no, my grown children remind me of what I need to know to keep going… the little ones, the tweens, the teens… they will get it.

Come to think of it, I have a hunch it was hard on my grandparents when they took us to see the lights on Peacock Lane. It’s just that I don’t remember the fuss. I only remember the feel of my hand in my grandmother’s gloves. I remember Grandpa telling me how hard it must be for Santa to get all the way up to some of those chimneys. I remember hot chocolate.

I bet we argued. I bet we spilled our hot chocolate. I bet my grandparents fell into bed and wondered if it was worth it.

So, when I think about them, yes. I believe it’s true.

The fuss—is worth it.

Merry Christmas, busy mom.

Are You Desperate for Discernment in Your Mothering?

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So what is discernment and how do we help our children be discerning? Spurgeon once said that

“Discernment is not a matter of simply telling the difference between right and wrong; rather it is the difference between right and almost right.”

Part of being discerning is asking God for wisdom when it comes to choosing the battles we engage in. So how can we know the difference between a battle and a war? What’s worth fighting over? How do you choose your battles carefully?

I wish I had a formula that I could write here for you. Honestly? It would sell more books! We would rather be told how to do something exactly right than take the time to listen for that “still small voice” most of the time. The truth is a lot harder than that. The truth is that the only way to know is walk in humble relationship with God.

When it comes to our children, mothers need to be tight with the Lord. Every day, we need nothing short of divine wisdom to help us navigate the rough waters of the culture. We need wisdom to discern a foolish action of a child from a rebellious one. One is childish, the other is sinful. One is a skirmish, the other leads to war.

Wise moms recognize their need for discernment, and they know where to find it. Discernment is not something we have apart from God; it is something we acquire as we walk closely with Him. If you’re in a struggle with one of your children, it’s time to get on your knees and ask God for wisdom and perspective for that child. God knows exactly what’s going on. He can give you the wisdom you need.

Instead of facing all the challenges and changes of motherhood on our own, we have the Creator Himself walking alongside us. Want to know what battles are worth fighting? Ask Him.

The Lie of Ordinary Motherhood

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Last week, in a moment of desperation and frustration, I looked at my husband and lamented, “I live in a state of constantly disappointing someone!” That’s how I felt after forgetting to get back to one of my grown children about a coffee date while simultaneously being behind in everything from laundry to dinner prep.

And yes. I have helpers. The kitchen helper complained that her chores were too much, and one of my teens blurted something out about being “ruined” due to homeschooling.

I’d love to tell you that I reacted positively to these minor challenges, but I didn’t. I retreated to my room and hosted my own pity party.

It felt good, actually. Forget those kids! They can make their own dinner tonight! For that matter, they can do it for the REST OF THEIR LIVES! Our ten year old poked her head into my room and observed that I was “in a bad mood.” She was right. I was.

“I’m just a mom!” I complained. I can’t keep up. Why am I even doing this? Who cares?

For those few hours last week, I forgot I was part of a battle.

I have discovered that where mothers are concerned, the devil doesn’t need to change tactics very often. One of his favorite tactics is to tell mothers this simple lie, “You’re just a mom.”

Have you ever heard the enemy whisper the lie in your ear?

Here’s the truth: There’s no such thing as just a mom.

Many moms believe this lie because they don’t realize the implications it carries with it.

See if you can see the danger of the lie. If I am “just a mom,” then

I’m not part of a battle.
I’m not capable of training warriors.
my role is insignificant.
it doesn’t matter if I’m strong or not.
my role is replaceable.
my role is just for one generation.
my walk with God is not important.
the spiritual battle doesn’t include me.

Can you see the risk in believing the lie?

There is no such thing as “just a mom.” Mothers are literally shaping the hearts and minds of an entire generation of children. Moms matter, and the devil knows it. This is why he works overtime to discourage Christian moms from taking an active part in the spiritual nurturing of their children.

Honestly? We can’t afford to let Satan lie to us any longer. Too much is at stake. We’re dealing with more lies in this generation than in the past sixty years—and it’s time to put this one to bed for good.

You’re more than “just a mom.” You’re more than “ordinary.” You’re ordained for the kingdom purpose of raising your children to follow God.

That means you’re a warrior. Stay in the fight!

Trusting God More Than My Midwife

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I am now 32 weeks pregnant with our first son. He is such a cutie too!! I know this because I got an unexpected peek at his adorable face. I was just going in to have a recording made of his heartbeat, but as an added bonus I was given an awesome 3d sonogram of his face. Truly amazing! My daughters, who were with me at the time, were as delighted as I was squealing, “He’s sooo CUTE!”

So, now it’s countdown time until we meet this little chub-a-lub of a miracle from God. Eight more weeks of my stomach growing even bigger (which is hard to imagine at this point)! Eight more weeks of using the excuse, “I’m pregnant and don’t feel like it.” 🙂 Eight more weeks of feeling those incredible flutters, kicks, wiggles, jabs, and hickups from a little person moving inside my body. Eight more weeks of drinking coffee with a guilty conscience because I know my midwife doesn’t approve. And, that’s not all she disapproves of!

I love my midwife…I really do. Even though she makes me turn in a food log to her every visit and tells me all the things I shouldn’t be eating and drinking- I still love her unconditionally. Boy, she sure knows how to lay on the guilt too! Who knew that carrots and snow peas were not a good choice of veggies (too much sugar, she said). Why is juice bad for me? Again, too much sugar, she said. Why can’t I have Special K cereal for breakfast? It’s my favorite cereal. Oh right… too many carbs, not enough protein. What’s wrong with my ham and cheese sandwich for lunch? Full of nitrates if you didn’t get the meat cut from the deli, she said!

I think my best approach to the mandatory food log I give her every month has been to have a sense of humor. When she questioned why I was still drinking coffee every morning, my response to her was, “Have you tried my husband’s cinnamon latte??? Why would I give that up?” I love to make her laugh when she reviews my log. One particular food log was full of humor and she enjoyed reading it so much that she kept it in my file. I had written entries like, “Breakfast: homemade bread and homemade raspberry jam from the Mennonite bakery in Westcliffe, CO… now don’t tell me I can’t have that!” And, from another day’s entry, “Went to Olive Garden for lunch: you don’t want to know what I had.”

In all fairness, her intentions are good for me. I know this. she just wants a healthy me, a healthy baby, and a healthy delivery. So, thank you Lord that my midwife wants the best for me. Thank you that she holds me accountable for what I eat and drink during my pregnancy, even though she drives me crazy with her do’s and don’ts.

Ultimately though, the health of this baby is in God’s hands. I have been trusting Him throughout this pregnancy, from the moment of preconception when I heard Him speak to me, “NEW LIFE.” and “YOU’RE KEEPING HIM FROM COMING,” as I made the choice to stop my birth control. I believe this baby boy has a special purpose and will be a blessing to everyone he meets. I am trusting God for health in my body, as well as this baby’s, and I believe He will orchestrate a healthy delivery for me. There are of course battles I fight in my mind that are brought on by strong hormones. Overwhelming feelings of doubt, worry, frustration, fatigue, guilt, confusion, to name a few! That’s why it is of the upmost importance to combat those feelings with God’s Word. There are so many powerful verses in the Bible that talk about trusting God and being strong and courageous. Here are 5 verses I have chosen to fill my spirit with:

Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 40:31 – but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.
Joshua 1:9 – Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

There are many voices we hear during pregnancy. Advice coming from lots of well meaning people such as family, friends, midwives, doctors, and even strangers! But the most important voice we need to listen to is from the Holy Spirit. Keep your trust in Him. He is faithful. His love never ends, and His mercies are new every morning!

What I Want Them to Remember When I’m Gone

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A few weeks ago, I was making dinner for a family in our church that has been dealing with some undiagnosed health struggles. My daughter came in to ask what I was doing, and as I explained the situation to her, I thought to myself, “I want them to know this was important to me. I want them to remember that their mama loved people.” There are so many things in our days that I hope they don’t remember as the big issues of life. I hope they don’t remember that I sometimes love my sleep more than I love them. And sometimes, I seem like I love my clean house more than I love them. As I finished cooking, I continued to mull over this thought. What do I really want them to remember about me? I do want them to remember that I love people. But what if their gifting doesn’t lend them to hospitality and service? What if people are tiring and loving others is a challenge to them? I still want them to remember that I loved people, but there’s more.

I want them to know that I loved them. Hard. I hope they know that I loved them more than I ever knew was possible in my body. But, even that is not enough. Because while I hope they know that they are loved by me for every breath they take, what about the day that I am gone? What does that leave them with beyond a memory? A legacy, I hope. A love that teaches them how to love others, and builds confidence in them; I pray it gives them that. But will that change their life? Give them strength and vision for their hard days and the calling God puts on their life? Maybe in some ways.

But still, my love is not enough for them. But there is a love that is. And that is what I hope they remember, and know without a shadow of a doubt. I hope that one day, when they think about their mama, they can say, “My mama? She loved Jesus. With everything she had. Loving Jesus made her love us, and other people, and our daddy with strength only He can give. She loved us, and sometimes she yelled, and sometimes she chose the wrong things, and she wasn’t perfect. But she loved Jesus.”

I hope that one day my kids want to be like me. I hope I give them an example they want to follow. But if He calls my sweet girl to a life of singleness and missionary life in another country, I don’t want her to be floundering for how to live life because she just wanted to love her kids like her mama did. And if my boy is introverted and struggles to love people, I don’t want him to feel like he’s failing. I hope and pray that they go after Jesus with all their heart, soul and strength. That they can say to themselves “In living this life, I’m gonna love Jesus. No matter what. Just like my mama did.”

Tears in My Crockpot

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My morning was hijacked by a FB post. I found out that lead could be leaching from my Crock Pot and contaminating my carefully planned meals. I couldn’t be sure whether or not said Crock Pot might, in fact, be poisoning my entire family, but I spent most of the morning gripped with fear.

So while I was working hard to purchase wholesome, preferably organic food, all my efforts may very well have been voided completely by a malicious Crock Pot.

Welcome to the 21st century. It’s a roller coaster ride of mad efforts to stay ahead of the latest information: are cell phones killing our brains and giving us cancer? Does technology make us more or less smart? Are my kids getting the right food, exercise, sleep, stimulation, friends, teachers, education? Is my marriage all it’s supposed to be? Am I really a good mom? Are the candidates really who they say they are? Who is lying? Who is telling the truth? And just when we think we MIGHT have a few answers, the rug is pulled out from underneath us.

It’s enough to make a grown woman cry. And I have. Again and again.

You see, in the midst of all this mayhem…all this pain of life, what our souls are really crying out for are peace and rest. We NEED peace and we NEED rest.

So as I remind myself to breathe (because, yes, sometimes I forget to do that) and I let the tears flow, I realize this is not my home. I was made for so much more. WE were made for so much more.

And we will only know peace when we take the time to sit at the feet of Jesus and just be quiet. We need to feel his hand brushing the tears away and whispering words of comfort…”Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you REST… Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find REST for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Jesus said,”In the world you WILL have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 He never said it would be easy, but He did promise that He would be right there in us to help us rest and trust and to show us what to do next.

The problem is that we tend to borrow trouble. God told us in Matthew 6:19-34that we should not worry about tomorrow because it would be too much for us. Instead He reassures us that He values us more than we know and that HE will take care of us.

Mom, you are precious to Him. Your families are precious to Him. Never stop knowing and believing that He is GOOD and that He LOVES you. He has your best interest in mind and promises in Romans 8:28 that if you are called according to His purposes, He WILL work everything out for your good and His glory.

And so that morning I shed tears over my Crock Pot, I prayed. I named that lie that the enemy was trying desperately to get me to believe and I declared out loud that HE IS GOOD. I asked God to protect our family, give us wisdom and I told Him that I trusted Him.

I found out later that my Crock Pot isn’t out to kill us. But I can tell you that the enemy IS. God says that the enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly! Put on your armor, moms, and fight the good fight! He is good and He is ON YOUR SIDE!

“You’re not as fun as my friend’s mom.”

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“Mama, it seems like my friend’s mom is more fun than you,” my daughter openly announced to me a few years ago. I don’t even remember my response to her, but I know I was defensive about it whatever the words were. It was a defining moment for me in my journey of motherhood. One that made me stop and ask myself, “Am I not a fun mom? Do I not laugh enough with my daughters?” I was afraid of the answers to those questions! After taking a good look back at my attitude during the days preceding my daughter’s comment, I realized something about myself. I had been so caught up in my daily tasks… homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, bookkeeping, disciplining children, teaching music lessons, and on and on…. that I had forgotten to have fun!

Discouraged and faced with something new to worry about, I confided in my husband, telling him that our daughter felt like her mom wasn’t any fun. (Well, that’s not exactly what she said, but it felt like it!) So, being the “fixer” that he is, he asked me, “What do you do that’s fun for you?” Ummmm…. you mean besides sleeping or does that count? So, I had to think a minute. Surely there was something I did for fun.

Then I thought of all the cool things I USED to do like playing my flute, scrapbooking, jewelry making. Those hobbies certainly brought me joy when my girls were little but the busier of a mom I became, it just felt like more effort to take time for those things. At the end of a full day of homeschooling and working for my husband’s business, the most fun thing I could think of was collapsing on the couch and watching a movie or sleeping, (or sleeping during a movie!).

Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” I don’t know about you but I want my children to see my cheerful face, and I’m not just talking about putting on a fake smile. I want my face to shine with a genuine smile that represents my truly happy heart. If we want to display a happy heart to our children, we definitely need to make room for FUN in our busy lives. What do I do that’s fun for me? I’m still trying to answer that question. I think it’s in the little things right now. Waking up to a creamy cinnamon latte made by my husband – That’s fun. Listening to Louis Armstrong on my record player while I fold laundry – That’s fun (well maybe not the laundry part!). Laughing at my husband’s jokes when nobody else does – That’s fun. Watching my girls grow and develop into such beautiful beings who love the Lord- that definitely makes my heart happy! 🙂

Pay attention to those little blessings in your life. Ask God to make you more aware of whatever it is that gives you a happy heart. If you find yourself bored with your routine or stressed that you can’t get it all done, take a mommy break…even a 5 minute one where you sit and have a cup of tea or coffee and read a book/magazine. Go outside and listen to the birds. They always have something to sing about. Listen to your favorite music while you’re doing a mundane task- it will make it way more enjoyable. Whatever you do, just don’t forget to have FUN!!

What do you do that you find fun? We can all probably use your ideas!

Heidi St. John

Speaking the Truth in Love