Divorce. Abortion. Homosexuality. Are you struggling to talk to your children about difficult things? God can help us navigate them with love and courage. Listen in!
Transcribed version of the podcast is below
Today’s Scripture Writing Challenge Verse
- Galatians 5:19-21
Resources Mentioned in Podcast
- Presenting the Abortion Issue to Children
- How Do I Talk to My Kids about Abortion?
- 3 Important Things to Tell Children When There is a Divorce
- You Asked: How Do I Talk to My Children About Their Grandparents’ Divorce?
- Teach Them Diligently Conference (use code HEIDI12 at checkout for a discount!)
- Hot Monogamy: 3 Ways A Massage Can Ignite Passion In Your Marriage
- Essential Oils
- Becoming Moms Strong
- Search for Significance
- MomStrong International
- MELT: Massage For Couples
Scripture Mentioned in Podcast
- Psalm 139:13-16
- Proverbs 14:12
- Psalm 1:27
- 2 Corinthians 6:16
- 1 Corinthians 6:19
- Psalm 40:1
Join us at MomStrong International for our newest Bible Study and Scripture Writing!
This podcast is brought to you by our friends at MELT: Massage For Couples
Hey everybody, this is Heidi St John. Thanks for joining me today at my little corner of the Internet. Today is Monday, June 3rd episode number 774 this is Mailbox Monday. We got a lot of ground to cover. Stick around, I think you’re going to be encouraged.
So how are you guys doing? I hope you’re doing great day. And I just got back from Columbus from the Teach Them Diligently Conference. Thank you to everyone who came out to say hello. We so appreciate meeting you guys out on the road and hearing what God is doing in your life. It encourages us just to hear your stories of faithfulness to know that God is at work. Thank you that He’s letting this podcast really encourage you. That just blesses us. And speaking of that—thanks to everybody who’s leaving reviews for the podcast over at iTunes and around the Internet. I just saw a really awesome review the other day—actually, all of them are amazing. It’s just I love listening to you. Listen to this one from from Bakerynne14, she said—This podcast has truly changed my life. If parenting is stumbling your way down a dark path in the woods, then scripture is the flashlight. I love it. I love it. I love this review as so much she said and Heidi St.John? Oh she’s that friend who remembered to bring her flashlight and shines it on the path for both of you. She addresses the current issues in our culture, answers the tough questions we’re all asking ourselves and best of all she saturates her responses with scripture. Listening to this podcast feels like a Bible Study, watching the news, reading a good book and laughing over coffee with a like-minded friend. I’m hooked!
That makes me a hundred different kinds of happy. Thank you so much for that review. Whenever you leave reviews for the podcast and rate it, it helps us get it out to more or listeners. So we want to keep encouraging you to do that. If you’ve read any of the books that I’ve written and you’ve never left a review, can I just encourage you to do that? Most people will read it and enjoy it, but not leave a review and your review is a way to help us get those books into the hands of other people. So thank you so much for doing that. Also, this podcast has a sponsor and many of you guys have been listing recently and you know that we’ve been taking on some sponsorships here at the podcast and this one is a public service announcement. So are you ready? Ready? Pay attention.
Father’s day is coming up. You. Are. Welcome.
And if you haven’t gotten your husband a gift for father’s Day, this is absolutely the perfect time to let your man know how thankful you are with him. And I have been working with a company called MELT for many years. You guys remember I posted a long time ago an article called Hot Monogamy and we talked about marriage, and massage, and how those things work together. And I’ve worked with my friend Dennis and this over at MELT now for many years. And even though Father’s Day isn’t coming up until June 16th—there’s time to get free access. Did you hear that? There’s time to get free access to MELT Couples Massage Masterclass for 30 days when you purchase their Sweet Almond Oil from Amazon. You guys, all you gotta do is purchase their massage oil, which by the way is amazing—and you’re going to get access to their masterclass. Jay and I have participated in this, and I’m telling you what—we’ve been married for 30 years, this is one of our favorite things that we’ve done for our marriage. And there’s so much to tell you about the special offer from our friends at MELT that I’ve gone ahead and set up a special page at The Busy Mom just for you.
So here’s how you get to it and I’ll link to it in the show notes today. So if you want access to their free couples massage masterclass, you can get it for 30 days. All you gotta do is go to Amazon and purchase MELT Sweet Almond Massage Oil. And I’m telling you what, you will not be sorry. So all you need to do is go to TheBusyMom.com/Melt. That’s “m” as in “massage”, “e l t” to learn more about this inexpensive, memorable way to love on your husband this Father’s Day—or any day. So I’m super excited about this. And you know, this 2019 Father’s Day Promo is the biggest discount that they’ve ever offered. And so if you haven’t checked it out, there’s not a lock in contract to the masterclass. You’re going to love it. Your husband will be like—no way you got that from me for Father’s Day! Everyday should be Father’s Day! He’ll be super stoked. Check it out TheBusyMom.com/Melt. Let me know what you guys think. The oil is incredible. It’s cold pressed, sweet almond oil and it can be repurposed for many other applications, not just massage. You guys can use this with your Essential Oils—you know that I love them and I’ve talked about that a lot. So check it out. And then add to that a 30 days of free access to MELT—this is an amazing offer. Check it out TheBusyMom.com/Melt. I will link back to it in the show notes today.
All right, as usual, I want to get to your questions. There are so many questions coming in to the podcast these days and I’m really enjoying it. I’ve been trying to figure out ways that I can more easily disseminate those as they come in. So like I said last week, it would help me if you put Mailbox Monday in the subject line and then maybe just one word—maybe it’s homeschooling or maybe not just one word, maybe you can’t do it in one word—but very short and succinct, tell me what your podcast question is about. That really helps me sort of go through those things. And the first question I want to get to today is from a listener who is asking about her brother and sister law who are going through a divorce. And so this is a question, unfortunately, that I get a lot when I’m on the road—people will come up and they’ll talk to me about it. Having walked this road myself, I can tell you it’s a very difficult and very painful road to walk, but I also want to say the Lord is in the business of healing. God is in the restoration business.
So this sweet mom, she wrote me and said—Hi Heidi. My husband and I recently found out that our brother and a sister in law are going to divorce. We are still praying for God’s intervention and restoring grace. So wonderful—keep praying for that. We are unsure how to approach this topic with our kids. We have two young children who are starting to notice that their aunt is not around. We went to build up their understanding of what God says marriage is and what a beautiful representation this relationship is of Christ and the church. We have planted the seed already and I’ve spoken to them briefly about marriage. We don’t know how to address divorce and if there might be a gentle or biblical way to age appropriately introduce it. Is there a book or some other source you might recommend? Very sad to write in with this question. Thank you for your biblical advice.
All right, so a couple things. First of all, you’re not alone. And second of all is I’ve been talking for a long time here—your kids are going to be confronted with things in the culture that they should never have to be confronted with. And truly, a divorce has been rampant in the church for a long time. And oftentimes, even though it’s been around for a long time—and we’ve certainly seen this in the church for many years—parents are still struggling to talk about these concepts with their children.
So the first thing I want to encourage you to do, if you’re listening to this today and there is a family member or a dear friend of yours who is in this position, you have to have God’s heart for those people.
God’s heart is for that restoration might happen. His heart is to have your children see how much God loves His people. And families are impacted by divorce all the time. And what we want our kids to understand more than anything else is that God is a God of healing. And so because it’s going to hurt them, and the older they are at —a two and a three year old, it’s probably not going to hurt so much. Unfortunately they’re going to grow up and probably never even remember a time when your brother was married to to his wife. And so I guess that’s a positive on that side of it. I think it’s much, much more difficult when the kids have been in the lives of their aunts and uncles, or your best friend’s family, or whatever it is, and they’re 11, 12, 13, 14, 15—it becomes much more difficult.
But the truth is always the same. And so as you see that they are asking questions—tell your children the truth. And when we talk to our children, unfortunately this has happened many times in our family—and so, we’ve had many conversations like this. Often they have been tear filled, painful conversations. And so I don’t want to deny the pain of them. But we always start out by saying—we’re going through a hard thing in our family, something that God doesn’t want and that we don’t want either, but this is what’s happening.
And so then we would go on to explain. I would encourage you to keep your kids out of the nitty gritty of the details. They don’t need to know it. What they need to know is that God’s heart is that marriage is a covenant relationship. And His heart is that we would never get divorced when we get married. God’s heart is that—that relationship would go on forever until the Lord takes one of us home. And so we’ve explained that to our children and frankly over the years it’s given my husband and I more of a reason to nurture and guard our own marriage. So I have a couple of articles that I know will encourage you. Some of them can give wording. I think hints at good wording are important, but I wouldn’t read anything off to your kids. All right? It needs to be a heartfelt conversation.
So I will link back to a couple of articles in the shown notes today that I think can help you and point you in the right direction. But the main thing you want to remember guys, is when you talk to your kids about this, especially if it’s about other people’s kids—can you please, please, please remind your kids that you are 100% committed to nurturing your own marriage. Because what happens so often, especially when the kids are little and they see this happening to their friends or to their family—they become insecure about their relationship with you as it relates to your marriage.
And so what my husband and I, over the years have done with our kids is said—first of all, we want you to know that Mama and Daddy are good. We’re doing good and we love each other and we are so committed to staying married. But there are some hard things that are happening in our family right now and we need to talk to you about it. And so ask the Lord—Jay and I have hit our knees many times before having conversations like this with our kids. Ask the Lord how He would have you address it. Stay away from the details of somebody else’s marriage and then remind your children of the preciousness of the marriage relationship. If they’re old enough, you can remind them that the Bible teaches us that we are in an absolute battle in our lives for righteousness and the family is under attack like never before.
The family is under attack. And so be prayerful as you go into these conversations with your kids. Be as honest as you can with them, as is age appropriate—and then model what good marriage looks like and commitment looks like in your own marriage. All right? Thanks for writing in. That’s a tough question, but the Lord will help you answer it. Okay? God’s never gonna leave you alone. He’s not surprised by what’s happening around you, and He will give you the words that you need to speak life to your children, even as you speak truth to them.
All right. Next question comes from a listener who wants to remain anonymous. She says—Heidi, how do you deal with toxic relationships in your life? My mother has lived her entire life, and mine, in a state of a victim mentality, depression, and manipulative relationships. I am hanging on by a thread with her. She raised us in church and hides it under the guise of Christ and how we should honor and respect. However, her remarks, digs, and refusal to see the trauma and chaos has caused is becoming too much to bear. If I walked away tomorrow and didn’t talk to her again, I’m ashamed to say I would be okay with it. I want to do the right thing, but I’m 38 and tired of it. I would love your thoughts.
So first of all, broken relationships and toxic relationships are absolutely prevalent in the church. I grew up in this very same environment. I grew up with an absolutely toxic relationship—my parents’ marriage was very toxic. And then as I grew up, that toxicity followed me into my marriage and as I was raising my own children. I wrote about this and Becoming Moms Strong, if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up yet, do it. I think it will encourage you. But here’s a couple of things that you need to know right off the bat. Your primary responsibility is to your family now—your husband, or your wife, and to your children. And if you notice that this toxicity is impacting that in negative way—it’s actually okay for you to walk away from it, right? You don’t have to be a jerk, but walk away. And we did this for many, many years until we felt it was healthy enough to healthy enough for us to engage. And we have re-engaged with many of the relationships in our lives that we took breaks from over the years. S sometimes those breaks are permanent breaks, right? And sometimes they’re temporary breaks. But you know what’s not temporary?—we always pray.
We are always asking the Lord to heal it, but because we live in a broken world, and because not everybody wants to open up their heart to the disinfectant that is the Word of God—sometimes because that infection, it just sits there and festers and it, and infects everything it touches—sometimes the answer to that is that we have to just walk away and separate ourselves from it. So I want to encourage you to pray about that. All right?
We are not called to be doormats for Jesus, right? This is an argument I hear all the time out on the road and at the women’s conferences that we do around the country. I see women sacrificing their sanity and their emotional health on the altar of a misguided version of Christianity. And this is not God’s heart for us. All right? The Lord wants us to be healthy in our relationships, especially in our own marriages and with our children. All right.
And so there’s a couple of things. One of the things that helped me when I was a lot younger, I’m almost 50 now, but I see you’re hurting and that heartache at the age of 38 and certainly I was there in my own life. I read a book called Search for Significance. I will link back to it in the show notes today. So important for you to see yourself, how God sees you. We want to see ourselves how the Lord sees us, and God says that were precious in His sight. The Bible teaches us in Psalm 139 that he ordained are days for for us, before we took a single breath, before any one of those days came to be. And God wants us to walk in right relationship with Him. Proverbs 14:12 says, there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death, right? And He’s talking about eternal death. But there’s also ways that seem right to us because we’re just trying to help. We know we don’t want to sever a relationship and in the end it causes more harm than good.
And so I want to encourage you, pray with your husband about this. Seek godly counsel. You don’t have to be destined to be in that relationship forever and certainly not in the name of Christianity. All right? So I hope that that helps you—check the show notes today. I’ll link back to some things I think may really bring you some peace and we really definitely need that.
All right, next question comes from Janie. She says—Hi Heidi. With the intense amount of publicity surrounding the abortion topic lately, I’m realizing I need to have a hard conversation with my daughter sooner than I was hoping. She turns five in a couple of weeks and is a great reader. We drove past some protesters yesterday and she asked—mom, why are those ladies holding up signs that say, my body, my choice. I assured her would have a conversation and I will answer a question, but I needed a little bit of time. I know it’s best to answer a question honestly, but only to a point that appropriate for her to handle it. This stage of her development. Any tips or resources that might be helpful? In the meantime, I’ll be praying the Holy Spirit will give my husband and me wisdom as we talked with her.
So first of all, Janie, that’s the place you want to start, right? Lord, give me wisdom. Lord, help me to explain this atrocity to my child in a way that does not wound her spirit and gives her peace—because so often these are difficult questions you guys. Were surrounded in the culture right now. I just posted an article the other day on my blog about Gillette—I don’t know if you guys have noticed. These are hard conversations, you guys, that we’re having with our kids. And we can’t run away from them. We have to engage in them.
And Gillette just has a brand new ad out that’s pushing a transgender agenda with a girl who thinks she’s a man shaving her face. Right? And I want you guys to understand—and Janie, I’m going to get to your question—but I want you to understand what is behind all this. It’s demonic in nature. All right? The idea that mothers should be given the option to kill their babies is demonic. Transgenderism is a lie from the father of lies. It’s demonic. And in the article about Gillette’s decision to do this, it says—this novice shaver, this girl is a Toronto based trans-activist named Samson. The older man in the video is the youngsters father. You guys, how messed up is this?!
According to the activist’s website, this young woman who’s trying to be a man, the professional performer believes she has been gifted from birth with the gifts of necromancy. Necromancy and mediumship. Do you wonder what that is? Well, necromancy is the supposed practice of communicating with the dead, especially in order to predict a future. Necromancy—I got this definition from a cult world in case you’re wondering—is divination using sleep, especially retrieving information from a sleeping person? Creepy. And then mediumship of course is the practice of purportedly mediating communication between spirits of the dead and living human beings. You guys, this stuff is sick. It’s demonic. And parents—you need to know what you’re up against.
So when you go into conversations about any of these things with your children, preface them with prayer. Pray alone, then pray with your children. Pray with your kids because you’re not messing around with some benign force here. If you haven’t been watching the videos lately of pro-lifers getting smacked in the face and kicked and shoved and spit on—it’s because the mask has come off, and what you’re dealing with is demonic. So know that going into it. All right?
And then what we want to do, just like I was saying before, when we talk about divorce, we always start with God’s heart. Always. We preface everything that we say to our children, no matter what it is we’re talking about—with the heart of God. You see, God is actively and personally involved in the life of an unborn, right down to planning each day of the life of that child. Psalm 139 for you created my inmost being. You Knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in a secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
You see, the Bible teaches us that children are precious to the Lord. They are precious. The Bible says in Psalm 1:27 that children are a gift from the Lord, like arrows in the hands of a warrior. And so when you talk to your children about this topic of abortion, let them know that God’s heart is for these children and then the step you take after that is to say—not everyone knows the Lord. Not everyone has the Holy Spirit. And we have an enemy. The Bible teaches us that there is good and there is evil and what is happening in our culture right now as a result of a nation that has walked away from the authority of Scripture and the belief that God has something to say as our Creator about human life.
The Bible teaches us that our bodies are not ours. They belong to God, right?
2 Corinthians 6:16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
1 Corinthians 6:19 — Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
You are not your own. And when we talk about abortion with our children, they need to understand that this is absolutely a fight of good versus evil—and so your children need to know that you stand for life and that you can pray to end abortion. That’s what we’ve been doing with our children for many years. We pray to end divorce and we lend our voices where ever it is possible to do so. And also your children need to know just like when we talk about divorce or any other sin, whether we’re talking about transgenderism or homosexuality or abortion or whatever it is that’s in the culture right now that is making this culture as sick as it is—we want our children to know that God can take our brokenness and make joy out of it. That God offers restoration.
Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me up out of a slimy pit out of the mud and the mire, and he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
Our children need to know that God sees them as special. That when we blow it, when we sin—God offers restoration. God offers healing. He can take our brokenness and replace it with joy. All right? At the end of the day, we belonged to the living God. And so rather than have your children, I mean—if you’ve got really young children, I wouldn’t go into detail. I remember telling my son a long time ago when I was pregnant with one of our younger children—one of my older kids had just heard about abortion. I think from a similar—they probably saw people holding signs or whatever. And I’ll never forget this as long as I live—he was sitting on the couch with me, put his hand on my belly, and he could feel our little unborn daughter. And she had the hiccups and she was hiccuping, you know, kind of in rhythm. And then everyone smiled. She would kick. And he said—Mama, I heard that people in this country can kill unborn babies. That’s not true, is it? And I very quietly looked at him and I said—yes, it is true. And he just had big tears in his eyes. And he said—why? And my answer was very simple—because they don’t have Jesus, they don’t have Jesus.
You guys. This is why the gospel is so important. This is why teaching people about Genesis, and the power of their Creator, and the existence of a Creator is so important—because having a creator changes everything. It changes everything. So speak truth into the lives of your kids. I want to just encourage you, I’m out of time today, but if you haven’t joined me—we are starting a brand new study on the Fruits of the Spirit at MomStrong International. We have a verse that we’re following today. It is Galatians 5:19-21. I just want to encourage you, look it up, read it with your kids. Do the copywork with us at MomStrongInternational.com.
You guys, God has something to say about what’s happening in the culture right now, He cares about you. He cares about your children and I just want to encourage you—train them in righteousness.
Join us at MomStrongInternational.com and get involved in the Bible study. It is just $8 a month and you can download Kids Strong with it and we will teach you how to take what your learning and teach it to your children. You guys, God’s Word is powerful. It is true, it is active, it is sharper than any two edged sword and He has life for you as you enter into right relationship with Him and teach your children to do the same. Thanks for listening everybody. I really appreciate it and I’ll see you back here on Wednesday.
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