From the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a mommy. I studied moms and how they mothered their children. I thought about how wonderful it would be to care for and nurture those sweet, chubby faced little cherubs. What’s not to love? And I was pretty sure MY kids would love and appreciate me…pretty much ALL the time.
Cue in screaming baby, uncooperative toddler, indifferent grade schooler, defiant teenager. It doesn’t seem to matter what phase of child raising we are in, if we are doing our job well, we are doomed to the role of the “bad lady”.
The “bad lady” doles out consequences as needed in order to allow her children to learn valuable lessons that prepare them for real life. Sometimes that requires action, sometimes it requires doing nothing and letting natural consequences teach the lesson. She has rules and boundaries and does not take kindly to the crossing of those. She knows that it’s better in the long run for her child to learn these things early on rather than being smacked down harder by them as an adult. She also knows that as much as she wants to be her children’s best friend, it’s far more important for her to be their mother. I don’t care how you dice it, parenting is hard. We love our kids, we want what’s best for them and unfortunately, that often means we have to make decisions that are not appreciated.
No one likes to be the “bad lady”. It’s not fun. Not even close. In fact it really rots sometimes. Somehow we feel like we are the only ones who are feeling this way, but I guarantee you that there are plenty of other moms out there who feel like the “bad lady” more often than not. You are not alone.
Just the other day, I reminded our 14 year old (and myself) that I am not his peer (so he was not allowed to speak to me like one), I am not even necessarily his friend. I am his mom. Before you criticize this saying they do not have to be mutually exclusive, I agree – sort of. There is an age where the relationships turns into that of friends, but a friend doesn’t have authority over another and when I’m raising my children, I do. I can be a mom who listens and encourages and entertains, but at the end of the day, I’m still a mom.
I’ve had eight children. Two are married with babies of their own. One is in college. And you know what? They are my biggest supporters now when it comes to not letting up on the younger five who are still at home. So believe me when I tell you it’s worth it. Our kids will be adults far longer than they will be children, so seize the moment and wear the badge of the “bad lady” proudly! They probably won’t appreciate it now, but they’ll thank you later!
It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one when you’re seen as The Bad Lady. Immediately you want to hide. Hidden, you can’t see all the other ‘Bad Ladies’ out there. Let’s come out of our hiding and encourage one another that loving parents aren’t always seen that way by their children. Nice article Heidi!
“Bad Ladies” UNITE!! 🙂
I needed to hear this. Literally just this very minute. God blessed me with this article. Because today, I am the bad lady. And my head is pounding, my eyes are red from trying not to cry, and my kids are none-too-pleased with me. And I’m doubting EVERYTHING I’m doing. I do know the crabbiness that comes along with being the bad lady is something I have to cut away from my behavior. I just have a hard time separating the negativity from my face, my mouth, my heart. sigh. Thank you for the encouragement!
Oh boy, can I relate! I love it when God gives a timely message! May you have more strength for the journey! 🙂
Wow! Thanks, I really needed this!
I’m so glad that this was an encouragement to you! 🙂
Wonderful message, thank you for sharing!!!! We have 8 kids and just moved off of 15 acres onto a city lot of about 1/3 of an acre! I miss the acres but not sure how you have time to blog and do all you do! Thank you for taking the time to encourage us and share what you have learned – it is appreciated! I am OFTEN the bad lady – my aunt told me years ago that you will not feel the appreciation or hear thank you from your kids for a long time – but you WILL hear it! She said all three of her kids in their mid twenties came back and said thank you for raising us the way you did, for teaching us manners and a good work ethic. This was after spending time with other young adults and realizing how good they had it and how valuable it was to have a mom who taught them these life skills!
Good words, Noelle! Now you are encouraging me right back!! 🙂
Thank you for this post! I am often “the bad lady” and it seems to me that some people outside my family think that, not just my kids. The other day my 10 year old son came to me and thanked me for homeschooling him and teaching him how to act. It warmed my heart so well and was worth all the times I worried that I was being to “mean”. Thank you again.
Thank you for this today. I needed to hear this. I had to be the very bad lady today and tell my child, “No tennis,” because he could not seem to understand that actions have consequences. It was very hard to the mom today.
Be brace, Jessica! It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job!! 🙂
Sadly, my mom was “mutually exclusive” when it came to being my mother and not my friend. I was a teenager at the time and that she refused to be my friend, because she was my authority, was heartbreaking. This is a delicate balance, we were made for relationship and as authorities for our children. May they always know the love and grace of relationship while enjoying the life-affirming fruits of the boundaries we set for them.
I really needed this, after being called just that by a screaming, tantrum-throwing 5-year old. It’s hard being seen as bad when you’re trying so hard to be just the opposite, harder even to stay calm and remind myself that I am not a bad mom, so thank you so much for the encouragement. It’s such a relief to know others who share the same experience. It’s tough being a mom, but well worth it, at the end of the day. God bless all you dear moms!