I’ve been telling you guys about my favorite date night plan for a couple years: MELT Couples Massage Oil and Courses.

It’s so easy during busy times of the year (and lets face it, parent life means all seasons are busy) to get overwhelmed with details and forget the main man right in front of us.  So what is at the top of your date list this season? If you answered “nothing,” or “folding laundry,” keep reading—because I get you.

It’s not that we don’t love our husbands, right? It’s that we’re just.so.tired. After a long day checking things off the list, intimacy is often the last thing on my mind. I just want to unwind and relax. Trouble is, my husband’s idea of relaxing and mine can look very different—IYKWIM.

Does this sound familiar? “Hot monogamy, you say? I just want to sleep!”

Statistics tell us that men and women struggle to find time for intimacy in their marriage. In fact, most married couples I speak to tell me that one of the first areas in the relationship to take a hit when the stress of life comes is physical intimacy. It’s easy to put a tender caress to the bottom of the list amidst the busyness of life—when in reality, physical touch is one of the best de-stressors we have in marriage!

Three years ago, I was introduced to a series of videos that I knew were going to change the way my husband and I saw date night, and I was right. I figured I’d check them out and was so impressed, I’ve been sharing them with you for almost two years. Let’s just say I think you’re gonna love this idea. 🙂

Looks good, right? Show this to your man, ladies, because I know he’ll want to give it a try after seeing this video.

Massage gives mt husband and I the gift of relaxation, and time together to reconnect and spend time with each other— just the two of us.

Massage gives mt husband and I the gift of relaxation, and time together to reconnect and spend time with each other— just the two of us.  A simple massage, with some essential oils combined with Melt’s Oil, allows me to  focus on how my body feels. For me, and many other women, that’s 9/10th of the struggle. When I’m focusing on my body and my husband, rather than my to-do list, good things happen for both of us.

Forget “50 Shades of Grey.” The real thing is better.
Marriage should be a passionate love affair that never gets boring.
In short, monogamy should be hot!

If you’ve “lost that loving feeling,” here’s my challenge: This month, mark a few nights off on your calendar (yes, in the middle of the to do list!) and make an evening of relaxing together. If you enjoy wine, put the kids to bed and take some wine and cheese to your room. Light a candle (or ten, if you’re candle-obsessed like me), turn your favorite music on, put your favorite essential oils in your diffuser, and watch these videos together. (I tell you my 5 favorite things about them at the end, so keep reading!)

Not sure where to start? Check out MELT as you make your plans. Not gonna lie: When I told Jay I was looking into this last year, his smile said it all. We have loved using these this year!

Build Intimacy and Trust in Your Marriage through Massage. Here’s Why It Works:

1. Massaging each other is an opportunity to slow down… together

High-speed internet. 24 hour email access. Real-time status updates. Is it just me? Or does the world seem to spin faster these days? Sitting down to a decadent massage together provides a rare opportunity to stop and be together, focused entirely on each other. For just 30 minutes, you can dim the lights, play some soft music and treat each other to a muscle-melting massage. This is a wonderful escape for multi-tasking wives and the husbands who love them.

2. Massage in marriage is a 100% “hands-on” experience

It doesn’t take a marriage therapist to tell you that giving your spouse a massage enhances your intimate connection and builds trust in your marriage. Intimacy is a requirement for healthy relationships, but it doesn’t always come automatically. We need to make space and time to foster our intimate connections, and massaging each other is one very simple way to do that. On top of the time you spend together, you very literally have your hands on each other, helping to reinforce the intimate bond. As you start to work knots from aching muscles and your partner falls back into you, you can take that as a sign of complete trust. The entire experience is seriously incredible. And, if you are both so inclined (and I promise you, it will be hard not to be) it can lead to wonderfully intimate and steamy sex, too.

3. Massage speaks to several “love languages” at once

Treating your husband to a massage is a beautiful way to show him that he’s very much appreciated and loved. In fact it hits almost every Love Language, if you think about it. Massage very clearly speaks to the Physical Touch love language, of course. But if you think about it, it’s also Quality Time spent together, it’s an Act of Service (especially if you don’t ask for one in return!), and if you play your cards right it can make for a gorgeous gift… just package up some massage oil and a scented candle in a big bow and then go on to actually massage your husband and watch him melt with joy.

A couple of years ago I visited my massage therapist several times, due to complications from a surgery. The last time I saw her, I asked how I could teach my husband to do some of her techniques at home. “Training,” was all she said. So imagine my excitement when Denis Merkas, a Registered Massage Therapist, contacted me about the MELT: Massage for Couples video series that he did with his wife Emma. I was really excited (and not just because I got to watch the videos, too!).

Denis shows couples that massaging properly is easier than you think! I really do think this can lead to closer marriages, and can help to reduce stress for both of you. If you’re worried that your husband will never understand how much you need massage, ask him to watch these with you and practice what you’ve learned together. It’s a great way to bring something new and needed into our marriages and invest in our future. Even the arrangement of how you sit is no mistake. Before any technique was created, or routine designed—Denis and his wife researched the most romantic way to position our bodies, because the bed simply wasn’t good enough.

It’s easy too! Denis recommends you stage your massage experience into three separate date nights… “it’s unlike anything you’ve ever done before. Simply add oil and follow along to the videos online. Use your iPad, Laptop, or even SMART TV—the videos are device ready.”

Here are a few things I loved about the MELT series:

1. Denis keeps things PG-rated.

Sure, there’s romantic music and the couple is massaging each other, but clothes stay on, and the focus is on learning how to give a massage. (Yes, she’s wearing a strapless top, but that’s so you can see the proper technique on her shoulders). As Denis says, if things lead somewhere else, that’s fine—but that’s not what his video series is trying to teach you. So you don’t have to worry that this is pornographic in nature! It isn’t—it really is just about learning technique.

2. We learned that we were doing massage wrong—and how to do it right.

These videos break down our misconceptions about massage—which shows what we’re doing wrong—and how to do massage right! (hint: no thumbs allowed!) I have now become the massage favorite during movie night at our house. It’s easy!

3. The videos are short to watch together.

Each video broken down into short tutorials that are under 5 minutes in length. Each focus is on learning one technique. About 6 videos form a series, and there are 3 series altogether: The Basic Strokes, the Highlights, and the Deep Tissue stuff.  The Basic Strokes Series teaches you how to actually move your hands to achieve maximum impact–and maximum ooohs and aaaahs.

You’ll watch 7 short videos and learn a new technique with each one, and then at the end there’s a 15 minute video that features a routine using all your new techniques. The Deep Tissue Series focuses on how to use your thumbs to really work out knots. It’s so helpful—and at the end is a 30 minute routine that you can use on each other.

4. Everything builds on each other.

It’s amazing! Each night you feel like you’ve learned something new, and at the end of the series, you will have confidence in your technique and understanding of how massage works.

5. They’re easy to watch together and do together.

(Translation: great date night!) You just watch one of the short ones a night and then practice on each other. Because you’re watching the technique, it’s easy to say, “I’ll go first, then you try it.” Or, to make it more enticing for him, let him massage you first. That way you can’t fall asleep because you have to massage him afterwards—so he won’t worry that if he massages you the night will be over because you’ll be in dreamland. I’ve been saying a lot on this blog that it is so important to start going to bed together at the same time so that you have opportunity to connect.

Instead of watching one more show on Netflix, or browsing Pinterest, or playing one more round of Words with Friends, this gives you a reason to head to bed.

You watch a video, pull out some massage oil, and then do it! And as you touch, it does help nerves to fire. If that leads to something else, woo hoo! As someone who does carry a lot of stress physically, massage is such a service to me and helps me feel closer to my husband.

So many men carry stress on their backs and necks, too, and if we can learn to release that, we can actually change the dynamic in the marriage.

I hope you’ll make this no-brainer investment in your marriage and check out MELT: Massage for Couples.

I dare you to try it and not have fun.  🙂

Give each other a romantic back rub at home—it’s the perfect date idea. Dim lights, scented candles, and massage oil makes for the most memorable date you’ve had in a longtime!